The Order of the Stick: Utterly Dwarfed
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    Default Worst name (prc, feat, spell, etc.)

    While minding my own business and checking the cost of an item in dotu, I was accosted by an item called "mother's corset." I don't care what kind of powers it gives you, no one wants their character wearing mother's corset. What are some other things with bad names? prc, feat, spell, whatever.
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    OldWizardGuy

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    Default Re: Worst name (prc, feat, spell, etc.)

    I don't have anything to beat that, but there are a few spells I can never take seriously:

    Discolor Pool: well, I'm shaking in my boots. Are you what they call an archmage?

    Enrage Animal: reminds me too much of South Park's parody of Steve Irwin "I'm gonna stick my thumb up his butt, that'll really **** him off"

    Sticky Saddle: ...ew
    Last edited by Biggus; 2019-07-13 at 07:43 AM.

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    Default Re: Worst name (prc, feat, spell, etc.)

    Mordenkainen's lucubration. Sounds waaaay too much like "lubrication" to me. And if it belongs to Mordy, it's probably at least partially used. So...eww...
    Last edited by MaxiDuRaritry; 2019-07-12 at 07:24 PM.
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    biggrin Re: Worst name (prc, feat, spell, etc.)

    It's hard to go past the Nipple Clamp of Exquisite Pain (BoVD p.115).

    Saying that someone reading RAW differently than you is "home brewing or house ruling, but that's fine" doesn't make you right, it just makes you seem pompous.

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    You have a true way with words, Venger. That first sentence got an audible guffaw from me.

    A lot of the "dweomered dragon scale" items in Dragon Magic are truly cringeworthy. "Oh, I know, we'll just take the English names of various garments and accessories, run them through the katakana filter, write them in romaji like it's no big deal, and present it as a serious item!" Seriously, beruto of the carp dragon? You can do so much better than that. Don't just back-calque me like that.
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    Default Re: Worst name (prc, feat, spell, etc.)

    Quote Originally Posted by Zaq View Post
    You have a true way with words, Venger. That first sentence got an audible guffaw from me.

    A lot of the "dweomered dragon scale" items in Dragon Magic are truly cringeworthy. "Oh, I know, we'll just take the English names of various garments and accessories, run them through the katakana filter, write them in romaji like it's no big deal, and present it as a serious item!" Seriously, beruto of the carp dragon? You can do so much better than that. Don't just back-calque me like that.
    high praise from the disciple of the word himself. thanks a lot. glad you enjoyed it.

    those are pretty painful. that pun is amazing.

    as useful as the item is, I feel obligated to nominate the bagpipes of the damned. that sounds like a munchkin card
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    Default Re: Worst name (prc, feat, spell, etc.)

    I must include Ghost-Faced Killer. Regardless of that their original intent is, you can't use it without thinking of Wu Tang Clan.

    I'm also going to call out the Spinemeld Warrior for having a different terrible name for each level. "August Perfect of Roses" is unwieldy, flowery, and without meaning or sense.
    Last edited by The Viscount; 2019-07-13 at 10:18 AM.
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    Quote Originally Posted by The Viscount View Post
    I must include Ghost-Faced Killer. Regardless of that their original intent is, you can't use it without thinking of Wu Tang Clan.

    I'm also going to call out the Spinemeld Warrior for having a different terrible name for each level. "August Perfect of Roses" is unwieldy, flowery, and without meaning or sense.
    Maybe... maybe they meant “august prefect of roses”? That’s still unnecessary purple, but it’s at least comprehensible.
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    Default Re: Worst name (prc, feat, spell, etc.)

    I imagine the spinemeld titles are a shout-out to the first edition monk level titles like “grand master of flowers” and “master of the north wind”.

    Speaking of incarnum, how about all the feats where the authors ran the thesaurus program on “blue”?

    Also, every prestige class with the word “master” in it could actually benefit from a thesaurus. Or a different concept. If everyone is a master then no one is, ok?

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    Default Re: Worst name (prc, feat, spell, etc.)

    In terms of sheer incomprehensibility, it's hard to beat the Nosomatic Chirurgeon. Chirurgeon is apparently an archaic term for surgeon, but I can't find nosomatic anywhere but the PrC name.
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    Default Re: Worst name (prc, feat, spell, etc.)

    Quote Originally Posted by HisHighestMinio View Post
    In terms of sheer incomprehensibility, it's hard to beat the Nosomatic Chirurgeon. Chirurgeon is apparently an archaic term for surgeon, but I can't find nosomatic anywhere but the PrC name.
    Somatic is a word that means "relates to the body", but I'm not sure what the "No" prefix would denote for the class.

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    Default Re: Worst name (prc, feat, spell, etc.)

    Quote Originally Posted by HisHighestMinio View Post
    In terms of sheer incomprehensibility, it's hard to beat the Nosomatic Chirurgeon. Chirurgeon is apparently an archaic term for surgeon, but I can't find nosomatic anywhere but the PrC name.
    hey, you're right! I guess none of your class features require somatic components? that seems too easy.

    under similar criteria, fochlucan lyrist. a horror to pronounce, always makes me hungry for focaccia, and half the time I end up saying lyricist
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    Default Re: Worst name (prc, feat, spell, etc.)

    Quote Originally Posted by Venger View Post

    under similar criteria, fochlucan lyrist. a horror to pronounce, always makes me hungry for focaccia, and half the time I end up saying lyricist
    Another shoutout to first edition level titles, I believe.

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    Default Re: Worst name (prc, feat, spell, etc.)

    is that one of the names for a level of bard? i know the class is templated on how you used to enter bard.
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    Default Re: Worst name (prc, feat, spell, etc.)

    Quote Originally Posted by The Viscount View Post
    I must include Ghost-Faced Killer. Regardless of that their original intent is, you can't use it without thinking of Wu Tang Clan.
    ...or Scary Movie.

    A third-party book has a magus (gish) archetype called "tovenaar" which is the Dutch word for a completely different class, i.e. "wizard". Don't use names from another language unless you know that other language.

    Then there's the "Geminate Invoker", which of course is an archetype for... the barbarian. You think any barbarian knows how to spell "geminate"?
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    Default Re: Worst name (prc, feat, spell, etc.)

    Quote Originally Posted by Particle_Man View Post
    I imagine the spinemeld titles are a shout-out to the first edition monk level titles like “grand master of flowers” and “master of the north wind”.

    Speaking of incarnum, how about all the feats where the authors ran the thesaurus program on “blue”?

    Also, every prestige class with the word “master” in it could actually benefit from a thesaurus. Or a different concept. If everyone is a master then no one is, ok?
    Oh they almost certainly are, but that just prompts the further question of "why is it a shout-out to first edition monk?" The class doesn't do monk stuff, and if you attempted to enter with Skarn Monk you'd invoke the curses of the RAW gods as you try to navigate two weapon fighting with unarmed strikes. Spine strike is enough of a nest of thorns as it is. And if you went for a neat 10/10, your reward is the dissatisfying realization that 2 arm binds overlap, not stack.

    Quote Originally Posted by Zaq View Post
    Maybe... maybe they meant “august prefect of roses”? That’s still unnecessary purple, but it’s at least comprehensible.
    There's a strong chance that they did, and every time I think of the level that's what I want to say. I had to reference the text making the above post to correct myself. It's made more damning by the two other levels with "perfect" in the title.

    Now that I think about it....
    The two monk levels quoted map on to "perfect of the north wind" and "august perfect of roses" fairly well. What if they did run things through a thesaurus, and say "perfect" as a synonym for "master" ignoring that that's only when both are used as verbs? The answers were in front of us the whole time!
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    Default Re: Worst name (prc, feat, spell, etc.)

    They certainly meant "August Perfect of Roses." It means "a god-like/respected perfect one who carries/has the qualities of roses" Perfectly bombastic for a skarn.
    Edit: it looks weird because the title drops the noun that august, perfect, and "of roses" all refer to. It is allowable in English but ends up sounding really archaic outside of narrow circumstances.
    Last edited by ZamielVanWeber; 2019-07-13 at 03:49 PM.

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    Default Re: Worst name (prc, feat, spell, etc.)

    I've always felt that Deepstone Sentinel's final ability, Awaken the Stone Dragon, sounded like a euphamism. "Aye, she's a real looker. Really awakens my stone dragon, if you know what I mean."

    The most sinister sounding feat name I've ever encountered in Servant of the Fallen.



    "Noso" means disease. That'd be my guess for the root of nosomatic.

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    OldWizardGuy

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    Default Re: Worst name (prc, feat, spell, etc.)

    Quote Originally Posted by pabelfly View Post
    Somatic is a word that means "relates to the body", but I'm not sure what the "No" prefix would denote for the class.
    "Noso" is a prefix meaning "disease".

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    Post Re: Worst name (prc, feat, spell, etc.)

    Shoutout to the list of awful monster names. My contributions are summarized below.

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    Quote Originally Posted by Thurbane View Post
    Abrian (FF): "Hey look everyone, it's a Brian!".

    Aventi (St): brings back memories of high school Italian classes: https://tinyurl.com/yde6xs6x

    Blue (XPH): I'm blue da ba dee da ba daa. Such an awful, awful song.

    Carcass Crab (ECS): Monster, or brutal death metal act?

    Chilblain (Fr): Near epic level monster, or skin condition?

    Corpse Gatherer (MM2): Now playing on a double bill with Carcass Crab!

    Deathbringer/Deathdrinker/Deathshrieker: I'm sensing a theme here...

    Fomorian / Formian: Ketchup, catsup? (Yes, I'm aware of the mythological origins of Formorians).

    Gaspar (PlH): let the poor thing catch it's breath already!

    Ghargatula (BoVD): sounds like some kind of Lovecraftian kitchen utensil.

    Hoary Hunter (ELH): if only he has some kind of, I don't know, Hoary Steed?

    Horrid Animal (ECS): https://tinyurl.com/y7su8o5p https://tinyurl.com/ybmahs65

    Justicator (MM3): Sounds like a villain or hero from Power Rangers.

    I don't mind nonsense/made up names as such, but some are just awful and/or difficult to pronounce:

    • Aoa (FF)
    • Artaaglith (Gh)
    • Bheur (UE)
    • Bulezau (FC1) (it's a shame, I actually like the monster a lot)
    • Cavvekan (RoF)
    • Chraal (MM3)(again, a shame because I like the monster)
    • Faerzress-Infused Creature (Und)
    • Fihyr (MM2) (yeah, we get it, it's fear...RME)
    • Folugub (XPH)
    • Gadacro (MM5)
    • Geriviar (MM3)
    • Guecubu (FC1) (the kids can call you HoJu)
    • Hashalaq Quori (SoS)
    • Hobyah (Standing Stone)
    • Hunefer (ELH)
    • Ixzan (LEoF)
    • Kelvezu (MM2)
    • Kuldurath (FF)
    Quote Originally Posted by Thurbane View Post
    Laraken (ShS): Is he a lovable larrikin?

    Leskylor (BoED): Sounds like a French surname?

    Lith (Und): Has a lisp?

    Lizardfolk (MM): OK, this is purely personal bias here, but they'll always be lizard men to me. I know they tried to give all the "folk" (catfolk, goatfolk, merfolk etc.) unisex names, but I cut my teeth on lizard men.

    Maelephant (FF): I love this monster, but the name? Ooh, it's a malicious elephant!

    Mantimera / Nagahydra: You've probably guessed by now I'm not a fan of portmanteau names.

    Meazel (MoF): OK, I get it, but really? Wonder if he's friends with the chilblain.

    Meenlock (MM2): Cool monster, dorky name.

    Mooncalf (MM2): Cool monster, dorky name (detecting a theme with MM2 here).

    Nashrou / Nishruu: Bless you! Also - Catsup? Ketchup?

    Necronaut (MM3): Would only be cool if it was a zombie in a space suit.

    Night Hunter (MoF): Does what it says on the tin, but come on...almost two thirds of the various monster manual entries could claim this name!

    Ocean Strider (MM2): Not a horrible name, but would be better suited to an aquatic ranger PrC IMHO.

    Odopi (MM3): More flashbacks to high school Italian classes. "See you later!". Kinda sorta.

    Orcwort (MM2): Sounds like a skin condition that orcs get. Better than catching meazles, I guess (yes, I know the difference between wort and wart).

    Pennaggolan (OA): Yeah, I know it's from actual mythology, but still. Pennaggolan! Do do, do do do... Also works for Ramadeen, Ratatosk, Scaladar...

    Phaerlock: What's with all the locks? Deathlock, Grimlock, Meenlock, Phaerlock...I'm tempted to make an encounter of these guys, all with Warlock levels.

    Quesar (BoED): Sounds like a huge star that's slightly nauseous...

    Raggamoffyn (MM2): I know it kind of suits the monster, but I also feel like I'm fighting a homeless child.

    Raiment (LM): Speaking of fighting a suit of clothing...

    Ravid: Angry cartoon bunnies?

    Rutterkin (FC1): Sounds a bit lewd to me.

    Shivhad (Fr): ...I'm getting mad, and there's no fuel left for the pilgrims...

    Snake, Dung (SK): No comment.

    Starwhale (A&EG): Sounds like a psychedelic rock band.

    Tako (OA): Real world mythology aside, who ordered Mexican?

    Tall Mouther (ShS): Not only is the name silly, it looks like a baddie from a Muppet movie.

    Velroc (DrMa): A high speed Roc?

    Voor / Vorr / Vour: How could that possibly get confusing?

    Wyste (MM2): Monster or card game?


    I don't mind nonsense/made up names as such, but some are just awful and/or difficult to pronounce:

    Malastor (MM5)
    Malasynep (Fr)
    Mlarraun (SK)
    Myrlochar (MoF)
    Myrmyxicus (FF) (sounds like a disease rabbits get)
    Paeliryon (FC2)
    Phiuhl (FF) (this is almost my ultimate what the? name)
    Phthisic (XPH) (seriously, what the? Can you even say this thing's name without sounding like Daffy Duck?)
    Reekmurk (FF) (don't let the designers' toddler name the monsters, please)
    Rejkar (MM3)
    Rhek (BoED)
    Rukarazyll (MM2)
    Sahuagin (love the monster, the name not so much)
    Seryulin (MM3)
    Sewerm (SK)
    Sisiutl (St)
    Skiurid (MM4)
    Slasrath (FF)
    Ssvaklor (MM3)
    Thorciasid ELH)
    Udoroot (XPH) (why do so many psionic creatures have such stupid names?)
    Ulgurstasta (FF)
    Uvuudaum (ELH) (OK, psionic and epic monsters have an unusually high amount of silly names)
    Veserab (Ab)
    Vultivor (FF) (another Power Rangers baddie?)
    Yrthak
    Zeugalak (LoM)

    Saying that someone reading RAW differently than you is "home brewing or house ruling, but that's fine" doesn't make you right, it just makes you seem pompous.

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    Quote Originally Posted by Venger View Post
    as useful as the item is, I feel obligated to nominate the bagpipes of the damned. that sounds like a munchkin card
    Probably, the original owner played it very loudly...
    At night...
    And directly near the sleeping people...
    Thus, a lot of "Damn you!.." shouts

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    Quote Originally Posted by Venger View Post
    and half the time I end up saying lyricist

    You mean, for 5 years I've been calling a lyrist a lyricist? This is making me question a lot of things.

    Cloistered Cleric always makes me think of that one pokemon, Cloyster.

    Geometer - Whilst I know it derives from Geometry, I keep thinking a Geometer is just someone who measures rocks, likely because I used to be in the geotechnical field.
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    Default Re: Worst name (prc, feat, spell, etc.)

    Helmed Horror always hit me as weird because it's pretty tame as far as monsters go. There are way worse things than a moving suit of armor that has weird spell resistances. They don't even have a horrific origin or behavior.
    Quote Originally Posted by Petrocorus View Post
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    That is so stupid it's hilarious.
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    ...I've clearly been playing D&D for too long, because that made a demented kind of sense.
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    Quote Originally Posted by ekarney View Post
    Cloistered Cleric always makes me think of that one pokemon, cloyster.
    I demand homebrew of a cleric that gets cloysters instead of domains!

    Also, lich loved. No. Just no.
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    Quote Originally Posted by Haldir View Post
    Edit- I understand it now, Fighters are like a status symbol. If you're well off enough to own a living Fighter, you must be pretty well off!

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    Default Re: Worst name (prc, feat, spell, etc.)

    The feat, Slippery Skin. Ewwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwww.......
    Also, Vine Armor from Secrets of Xendr’ik. IT’S FREAKING 80 GOLD PIECES. That’s more than the commerce limit of two small towns. WHAT IS THIS MADNESS.
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    I think this teaches us a valuable lesson. At bizarrely low levels of optimization, the tier system disappears. In its place is the "we can't even beat CR=ECL-5 foes" system.

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    Default Re: Worst name (prc, feat, spell, etc.)

    "Leomund's Secret Chest" makes Leomund sound like Viola/Cesario from The Twelfth Night

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    Default Re: Worst name (prc, feat, spell, etc.)

    Quote Originally Posted by The Viscount View Post
    I must include Ghost-Faced Killer. Regardless of that their original intent is, you can't use it without thinking of Wu Tang Clan.
    It makes me think of the Scream movies.

    I wonder what, if anything, it's actually a reference to.

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    Default Re: Worst name (prc, feat, spell, etc.)

    Quote Originally Posted by Bohandas View Post
    It makes me think of the Scream movies.

    I wonder what, if anything, it's actually a reference to.
    It's a reference to the martial arts film "mystery of chessboxing," where one of the characters is named ghost faced killer. This is also what the singer took his name from.
    Last edited by Venger; 2019-07-14 at 03:42 AM.
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    Quote Originally Posted by weckar View Post
    Venger, can you be my full-time memory aid please?
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    Default Re: Worst name (prc, feat, spell, etc.)

    Yesterday I stumbled across the Bhut, an incorporeal undead from Fiend Folio
    My username should have been HisHighestMinion, with an N.
    15 is an unusual character limit.

    Avatar by Honest Tiefling

  30. - Top - End - #30
    Dwarf in the Playground
     
    Devil

    Join Date
    Jun 2018

    Default Re: Worst name (prc, feat, spell, etc.)

    The Lion Spy feat from OA. It's hugely misleading. Turns out, rather than getting a lion to spy for you, you (a member of the lion clan) spies. Huge letdown. Also, Entangling Scarf sounds like a toddler trying to get dressed, not something you would do in combat.
    Last edited by Kalkra; 2019-07-21 at 07:41 PM.

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