Speaking the Unspoken Social Contracts

[Drache64]

I see a lot of people on here speak to something akin to "the unspoken social contract".

This is the idea that when you sit at a table there are universal rules everyone should inherently know. I thought it would be fun for us to come up with a comprehensive list that I will eventually distill into a full list.

The following is a summary of what I have seen said and does not necessarily reflect my opinion:

Party Balance: If you optimize your character to be better than the rest of the party you must reroll.
Munchkin: If you munchkin you are "that guy"
Texting: You text at the table and some people will ask you to leave.
No PVP: attacking another player is an instant party foul, we don't care "what your character would do"
Don't Manspread: Keep your crap in a respectable boundary.
Party Coherency: It is upon the players and the DM to imagine a functioning party dynamic.

whether you agree with it or not; what else you guys got/have you seen?

If I think of more I will add them.

again these are not my opinions but what I have seen other people state are understood things and should not have to be explained.

[Kane0]

If you're not new to the game bring your own dice/sheets/minis/books, don't be a leech

Pay attention even when it isn't your turn

Don't hog the attention or talk over other players at the table

If playing by an adventure book, at least try to stay within its bounds

If you're eating and/or drinking make sure to clean up after yourself

Don't start going on about other games, especially comparing between the two

Even if you don't know the game inside and out, learn your character and how their abilities work

Read the room, don't keep going on with something you enjoy but is obviously making others bored or uncomfortable

[Bjarkmundur]

This is the unspoken contract. It is different from the Player Etiquette guidelines I discuss at session 0.

- You came to a team-oriented game and are expected to pick up a team-oriented playstyle. It is expected that the PCs becomes a tight-knit group of best friends, brothers of battle, and it's up to you to make that happen.
- Some people have a harder time getting immersed in a game than others. Respect that by not actively breaking the immersion, and strive to them draw them into the fantasy if you can.
- If there's food, be grateful, but don't ever expect it.
- Let a watcher be a watcher, but never exclude him/her from the decision making process.

[Alcore]

I have an odd one from my DMing days with Play-By-Post;


Your every word is Word of God.

Do not joke with the players, do not make idle comments, do not try to be friends with the players. They will scramble to "fix" what's wrong, they will pester you about what you mean by "that ruling" and jokes are taken seriously.

I don't DM anymore; got tired of feeling alienated. And it wasn't just one group, this is dosens of people over the course of two years.

I want to have fun with them.

[King of Nowhere]

I have an odd one from my DMing days with Play-By-Post;


Your every word is Word of God.

Do not joke with the players, do not make idle comments, do not try to be friends with the players. They will scramble to "fix" what's wrong, they will pester you about what you mean by "that ruling" and jokes are taken seriously.

I don't DM anymore; got tired of feeling alienated. And it wasn't just one group, this is dosens of people over the course of two years.

I want to have fun with them.

That's definitely different from my tables, where most of us are friends before the game.
The way you describe it... It feels an awful lot like work. That looks more like the advice given for teaching, and if the class shows a bit of maturity i'mnot so uptight even then

[Alcore]

That's definitely different from my tables, where most of us are friends before the game.
The way you describe it... It feels an awful lot like work. That looks more like the advice given for teaching, and if the class shows a bit of maturity i'mnot so uptight even then

ironically the only ones to not do this was the other DMs and they were more soft spoken and quiet. it was pleasant DMing them and not players.

[Duff]

Party Balance: If you optimize your character to be better than the rest of the party you must reroll.
Munchkin: If you munchkin you are "that guy"
Texting: You text at the table and some people will ask you to leave.
No PVP: attacking another player is an instant party foul, we don't care "what your character would do"
Don't Manspread: Keep your crap in a respectable boundary.
Party Coherency: It is upon the players and the DM to imagine a functioning party dynamic.

Party balance, Coherency and the PVP I'd put in the "default assumptions" category. If you have a newcomer to your group and you don't follow those, tell them before they create their character. Preferably before they even put it in their diary.
If your group normally follow them but for a specific game you're not going to, that needs to be something of a group discussion, even if it's like my "Hi guys, I'm running a Game of Thrones game on facebook. There'll be the possibility of PVP, characters will often not be in the same place at the same time as you do your character's stuff, if you make a focused character expect whatever you're bad at to hurt you". I then accept my players choose to opt in or out

[weckar]

I find I am disagreeing with half of the things here. But that's fine.

The main things I would add, to players:

*Don't pre-plan your character's story. Dice come down, other players (and GMs) interfere, circumstances change. If you ever need to say "That would not happen to my character", you are the one causing a problem.

*Be true to your character's personality, and be okay with that going wrong or taking you down a path away from the party and the party consensus.

*Make sure your character actually has a personality.

[Zhorn]

I'll do a response to the OP's list a bit later, as there's a bit of baggage to unpack in that. edit: now in post #11
This is the social contract for the gaming table as I understand it.

Everyone

• Whatever happens, I'm here to have fun today (for the first few session with any new group, I had everyone say this line before the game)
• I'm here to help the others at my table have fun
• The fun of one player does not come the the expense of the fun of someone else
• Communicate and be open to discussion
• Snacks/Drinks
• Location preparation and cleanup
• Be on time
• Avoid distraction
• Thank everyone at the table at the end of the session (more important than some realise)

DM

• Prepare the game
• Schedule the game. Other can do this, but if the DM is not able to make the sessions, there is no session.
• Moderate the the rules, being firm but fair (consistency, and don't blindside players with house rules that have not been discussed at an earlier point)

Players

• Know your character (story and rules)
• Don't hog the spotlight
• Don't hog the game space
• Participate in the game (engaging in the scenes and the adventure the DM is providing)
• Cooperate with the other players (including the DM) at the table.

Spoiler: Recommended viewing if you have time

Show

Jump to 2:20 to skip the preamble

[Balmas]

My view, from both sides of the GM screen:

Time management:

• We are all busy adults, and time together is hard enough to come by without people being late or flaky. Unexpected circumstances come up, but be respectful to those around you by being punctual. If you can't make it, let the GM know in advance.
• On that note, our time together is precious. I don't mind joking around or socializing, but during combat I expect people to be focuses
• Same note: Know your rules. Casters, understand the spells you're casting. Fighters, know in advance what you're planning to do. GMs, be familiar enough with the rules that even if you don't know the exact rules for an obscure situation, you can make a snap ruling that will keep the game rolling. You can look up that exact rule after the game ends.
• GMs: nothing is more frustrating for me, as a player, than showing up to a game and realizing you don't have anything planned. If that's the case, be upfront and tell us. I'd rather have no D&D than bad D&D.
• Players: This is system dependent, obviously, but for rules-heavy systems like D&D, respect that the GM only has so much time to prepare. Pay attention to the general plot, and try to follow the general thread of it. Haring off to parts unknown forces the GM to make things up on the spot.

General behavior:

• We are here to play a game and tell a story, but the primary thing we should be doing is having fun. If someone is doing something to disrupt that fun, the proper response is to discuss it like reasonable adults and figure out a course of action OOC.
• Nobody likes a leech. Figure out food with your group in such a way that everybody's contributing, whether that means potluck, a weekly food assignment, or just chipping in for the pizza.
• Work with your party before the game begins. Don't be the douchbag who brings the CE sociopath into the same party as the LG paladin. Likewise, if the tone of the game is light and carefree, you shouldn't be playing as Dark-and-Broody Batman.
• Work with your party during the game. Stabbing each other in the back, while it can be fun (very system dependent) in the short term, is bad for party cohesion in the long-term.
• Take turns sharing the spotlight. If half the game is one player and his ~tragic backstory~, it takes time away from the other players and their stories.
• GMs, understand that not every character wants to be front and center. Figure out other ways for them to shine and have their time in the sun. You're looking for a goldilocks zone here.

[Zhorn]

Ok, now as promised in post #9, lets take a look at the opening post.

The following is a summary of what I have seen said and does not necessarily reflect my opinion:

It's a good thing you have this disclaimer, a few of these are terrible things to include into a social contract

Party Balance: If you optimize your character to be better than the rest of the party you must reroll.

This is an accusation of bad-wrong-fun. Players should not be forced to give up on a character they've put well thought effort into, or throw away a lucky roll of stats that they have gained by following the exact character generation sequence everyone else at the table was playing by.

Munchkin: If you munchkin you are "that guy"

Just throwing insults on top of insults. Munchkin is already used as a derogatory term. A social contract job isn't about making insulting accusations about the players at a table.

Texting: You text at the table and some people will ask you to leave.

Like a few others have said in the other threads about distracted players, texting isn't the issue, it is a symptom. I'm very much against texting at the table, but some people are fully capable of managing a phone AND staying engaged at the table. A simpler and more appropriate ruling is just a simple "be present and pay attention to the table, avoiding distractions". If a player can follow the action at the table while texting, then clearly texting isn't a distraction to them.

No PVP: attacking another player is an instant party foul, we don't care "what your character would do"

This is very game dependent. Some tables enjoy pvp, some detest it.
this is where the "The fun of one player does not come the the expense of the fun of someone else" comes from in the list I posted. Learning to read the table and understanding when to back off from a course of action that is ruining the fun of others at the table.

Don't Manspread: Keep your crap in a respectable boundary.

As long as someone is not hogging the game space, and is not exposing themselves in an inappropriate manner, how they choose to sit shouldn't be a point to shame someone over.

Party Coherency: It is upon the players and the DM to imagine a functioning party dynamic.

This one is actually pretty good, though simpler language would just be "aim to be a team player"

[Phhase]

Honestly, for me, anything goes, with only 2 hard rules:

1. Don't be a ****.

2. Actions have consequences. If the choice has been made, the price must be paid.

I feel like these, applied blanket, are enough for me, anyway. Pvp? Sure. Just don't do it out of vindictiveness or malice, and make sure it's kosher with the rest. Murderhobo? Ok. Don't expect the world to let you get away with it. Break the game munchkining? I know everything you're capable of, and will scale encounters appropriately.

[Kane0]

Honestly, for me, anything goes, with only 2 hard rules:

1. Don't be a ****.

I think the point is to explain what sort of things being a **** entails.

[Draconi Redfir]

i got some off the top of my head that I've either done, wish i'd done, or wish someone else had done for me. think some of these are more suggestions then unwritten rules but... yeah.

Everyone:
-Game time is game time. Leave discussions of politics, beliefs, and personal opinions on such away from the table.

DM's:
-Don't ignore players. Either intentionally or unintentionally, get into the habit of going around the table and asking each individual person if there is something they would like to do. let everyone get their moment in the spotlight. if it looks like someone is advancing the plot or moving further in time then the others, put their moment on hold and go through the table to let the others catch up.

Players:
-Make sure others don't get ignored. If you notice someone struggling to get their voice heard, constantly being talked over or interrupted, stand up for them. Make a note that they're trying to talk, or talk to them personally asking what they're trying to do and if you can help.
-If someone else is having their roleplay moment and you're bored, find a way to occupy yourself. a game on your phone, or sewing/knitting or something else. Don't chime in with questions and comments when your character isn't present.

I think the point is to explain what sort of things being a **** entails.

that's simple. If you're being a ****, don't do that. not much to explain really.

[Zhorn]

-If someone else is having their roleplay moment and you're bored, find a way to occupy yourself. a game on your phone, or sewing/knitting or something else. Don't chime in with questions and comments when your character isn't present.

I'd be very hesitant to advise anyone of that course of action. It's one thing to pull out a device when you need to look something up or take care of a communication that cannot wait till later. But players shouldn't be intentionally looking for distractions or things to divert attention away from the game.
Like I've said earlier, some folks are really good at multitasking, and having a phone out at the table does not hinder their ability to stay involved and keep up with the happenings of the session. but there's a big difference between being capable of it and intentionally going out of your way to do so.
Kane0 summed it up best with;

Pay attention even when it isn't your turn

which also feeds into one of your own points in;

DM's:
-Don't ignore players.

It's not just for DMs. Paying attention to other players is a key aspect of good table etiquette, along with general engagement in the game as a whole.
If you start playing a game on your phone, you're telling everyone at the table that you'd rather be doing something else.

[Netbrian]

One aspect of the social contract when to give up on arguments between PCs, and just move forward. At some point it's like "yeah, I think I'm right and it'd be better to do X, but to continue to argue the point isn't going to help anyone's fun."

Like a few others have said in the other threads about distracted players, texting isn't the issue, it is a symptom. I'm very much against texting at the table, but some people are fully capable of managing a phone AND staying engaged at the table. A simpler and more appropriate ruling is just a simple "be present and pay attention to the table, avoiding distractions". If a player can follow the action at the table while texting, then clearly texting isn't a distraction to them.

This is a fair argument, but I've found it can break down in practice. Everyone tends to think they're good at multitasking, and it can be easier in practice to just set a general rule about texting than to single someone out. ( By texting, I mean sustained conversations, rather than "telling your boss you'll be in tomorrow" type stuff.)

[Draconi Redfir]

I'd be very hesitant to advise anyone of that course of action. It's one thing to pull out a device when you need to look something up or take care of a communication that cannot wait till later. But players shouldn't be intentionally looking for distractions or things to divert attention away from the game.
Like I've said earlier, some folks are really good at multitasking, and having a phone out at the table does not hinder their ability to stay involved and keep up with the happenings of the session. but there's a big difference between being capable of it and intentionally going out of your way to do so.
Kane0 summed it up best with;which also feeds into one of your own points in;It's not just for DMs. Paying attention to other players is a key aspect of good table etiquette, along with general engagement in the game as a whole.
If you start playing a game on your phone, you're telling everyone at the table that you'd rather be doing something else.

can't say i agree with you there. Both myself and annother player play games (with the sound off) on our phones/tablets when the focus isn't on us, either because it's not our turn and we're in a big group, so combats can get long, or because our characters aren't present for a roleplay moment that's taking awhile. We only need our hands and eyes to play the games, and we only need our ears to focus on what's going on with the rest of the game.

Similarly, our cleric and our barbarian both sew to pass the time, and our rogue has taken up knitting. It's just something to do with your hands and occupy yourself when you're not present in the moment, it takes all of 0.2 secconds to put it down and start interacting with the game again when you need too.

Similarly, in my last game, one player didn't have such an occupation, so he was asking questions and leaving comments to the shopkeeper despite being left outside. He interrupted the DM at least three times to ask the barkeeper for a new drink, even while the party was busy talking to an alchemist a block away, and a handful of other intrusions onto the game. If he just had some small thing to keep himself occupied during those moments, he may have been less inclined to break the fourth wall, or at least be more inclined to direct his questions or comments to the players who are actually present at the current going's on.

[Drache64]

Ok, now as promised in post #9, lets take a look at the opening post.


It's a good thing you have this disclaimer, a few of these are terrible things to include into a social contract


This is an accusation of bad-wrong-fun. Players should not be forced to give up on a character they've put well thought effort into, or throw away a lucky roll of stats that they have gained by following the exact character generation sequence everyone else at the table was playing by.


Just throwing insults on top of insults. Munchkin is already used as a derogatory term. A social contract job isn't about making insulting accusations about the players at a table.


Like a few others have said in the other threads about distracted players, texting isn't the issue, it is a symptom. I'm very much against texting at the table, but some people are fully capable of managing a phone AND staying engaged at the table. A simpler and more appropriate ruling is just a simple "be present and pay attention to the table, avoiding distractions". If a player can follow the action at the table while texting, then clearly texting isn't a distraction to them.


This is very game dependent. Some tables enjoy pvp, some detest it.
this is where the "The fun of one player does not come the the expense of the fun of someone else" comes from in the list I posted. Learning to read the table and understanding when to back off from a course of action that is ruining the fun of others at the table.


As long as someone is not hogging the game space, and is not exposing themselves in an inappropriate manner, how they choose to sit shouldn't be a point to shame someone over.


This one is actually pretty good, though simpler language would just be "aim to be a team player"

I feel comfortable saying all your takes on these fall in line or very close to my own personal beliefs.

Because most people seem to come to conclusions I wouldn't come to, I made this thread to see what other opinions people have so I could broaden my perspective.