I can't Drive.

[Lemmy]

OP says bikes are unfeasible for health reasons, and public transport is not available. Which leaves livery services like Uber. Which can get costly fast. Assuming they're even reliable in OPs area.

It is indeed pretty easy to get around if you can afford it.

I don't mean to rub it out... but you don't live in rural America, and that's fairly clear. We don't have the Subway or Uber, where I live it's thirty minutes by car to the nearest major store. There is no cell phone service, and no ability to bike unless you want to get killed by gas trucks doing 70 MPH in a 55 on the only highway that runs through the area. Now I can drive, but if I couldn't it would be crippling, maybe even more so than it is for OP. Now since OP is in a college town I imagine that there's a little more than we have here, but acting like there aren't places in the US where that would be completely devastating is just absurd.

Ok, my bad... Didn't mean to insult anyone or "act like there aren't places where it'd be completely devastating".

I'll say that depending on how far and how frequently the OP wants to go out, apps like Uber can still be a good alternative. It's not something I'd recommend using every day, but once or twice a week could be feasible.

Still, I guess I missed some information from the OP's post. I'm not American and don't currently live in the US, so I made faulty assumptions.

My apologies.

[Evil DM Mark3]

I'm lucky in that I live in a city with decent (not good, but tolerable) bus services. The UK is very variable, in the south or bit cities you have an OK shot at it, and Londoners are spoiled, but in rural areas or even towns and cities further north its a disgrace. If I want to visit my aunt in rural Cornwall on Sunday I can catch a bus in, stay 50 minutes, then catch the bus back, or I can stay overnight.

[Chalkarts]

The other major option as I see it, is to move. People do that all the time. My uncle and his wife moved when the wife got some medical issues and no longer could easily live in a house with stairs so moved to an apartment downtown.

Moving isn't an option.
I'm in this wretched town because my wife got a good career job here.
We used to live in a city. I rode the subway every day. I was doing art in the park, performing stand up comedy every wednesday, and working at a broadway theatre(saw a lot of free shows).
She got a great job and It was either leave the city or leave my wife.
I chose to stay with my wife.
We've been here since 2011.
I don't even get to hit the weekly game night at our Not so FLCGS.
My wife has to crash early because of her job(5am alarm) so going out anywhere that Might require her to come get me after 9 is also a no go.
I guess I'm just ranting at this point, Just trying to get the madness off my chest so it doesn't destroy me, lol.

[factotum]

Have you actually spoken to your wife about this? She might not realise being essentially trapped in the house is causing you such issues--she might think you're like Imbalance and are as happy as a pig in manure because you're inside playing games all day, and it's really up to you to disabuse her of that notion and discuss what you can do to get out now and again.

[Evil DM Mark3]

Have you actually spoken to your wife about this? She might not realise being essentially trapped in the house is causing you such issues--she might think you're like Imbalance and are as happy as a pig in manure because you're inside playing games all day, and it's really up to you to disabuse her of that notion and discuss what you can do to get out now and again.

I agree, you need to let your wife know if this is having a negative impact on you, not so she can change what she is doing but so that you can see what you can do together. The number of times my wife or I have had a problem or annoyance the other gave an almost immediate response to is staggering. And it is ALWAYS better for them to know now, when you are irritated, than later, when you have been pushed into a mess by it.

[halfeye]

Moving isn't an option.
I'm in this wretched town because my wife got a good career job here.

Do either of you have, or want to have, kids?

[Chalkarts]

Do either of you have, or want to have, kids?

No, not even a little bit.
Between her career and my medical issues, it's a no go.
We have chosen the darker path. We have chosen cats.

As for talking to her about it,
We have talked about it. She's too busy to be my chauffeur all the time.

[AMFV]

No, not even a little bit.
Between her career and my medical issues, it's a no go.
We have chosen the darker path. We have chosen cats.

As for talking to her about it,
We have talked about it. She's too busy to be my chauffeur all the time.

It's not reasonable to expect her to be your chauffeur all the time, it is reasonable to expect her to do so some of the time though. My wife also currently doesn't drive, and if she asks me to take her some place, I usually do, because that's the kind of thing I want to do. There are exceptions (which can include being tired from work), but I work a serious physical job, and long hours, and I still make time to take my wife places she wants to go whenever I can.

[factotum]

As for talking to her about it,
We have talked about it. She's too busy to be my chauffeur all the time.

Why does it have to be entirely one way or the other? Sure, she doesn't have time to be your chauffeur all the time, but I'm pretty sure you don't want to be out of the house 100% of the time either, so you don't need her to be. If by "all the time" you mean she can't drive you out places even once a week then something doesn't sound right.

[Evil DM Mark3]

She's too busy to be my chauffeur all the time.

I don't think anyone is suggesting it that. I do understand that would solve your raw, underlying problem, but what people are suggesting is a palliative, maybe dropping you off/picking you up one evening or something.

I'm going to leave off here however because this is getting to be one of those "ignorant advice" threads where the internet explains how to solve something they have only part of the information for. Advice was given, a reply was had, beyond that we lack the info to go further and, quite frankly, having your marriage dictated to you isn't the sort of thing that helps...

[RedCloakLives!]

Hi Chalkarts -

I, too, am over 40, live in the US, in a small college city. I get what you are saying. Things can be OK yet be totally constraining.

I have no solutions to offer. Just things I have seen; perspectives; notions. I offer them to you in case they might help, or inspire some other thought that does.

An old family friend never drove. Don't know why. Yet her life and job required her to be out and about. Besides using public transit, she was really good at asking people for rides. I am not saying that you must do the same; but just reflecting that different people approach things differently. She was a social worker, so her approach was social. She's many years gone, now; rest in peace auntie.

I've driven for decades, all over the country; I would not have been able to do everything I have done without driving. And that includes, today, for the first time, getting into a car crash. Sure, most of us drive, but is it really a good thing? The casualty rate is horrific and surpasses many other things that get more press. Insert car culture critique. (The philosophical approach.)

Technical approach - is some sort of +2 helm a possibility for biking or scootering?

Community approach - contact the doctors that worked with you originally -- are there other people in a similar situation to you; what have they done? Where's their facebook group? Start one? Might be some more ideas. I think some friend of a friend is part of a rare allergy support group with members spread out over the world and they've figured out how to grow certain foods hydroponically so that they can eat them and not die.

Since you've done stand up, and you haven't lost your sense of humor (is this your approach?), at least for cats; there was that old guy who couldn't drive a car anymore so to visit a dying relative hundreds of miles away, he drove a lawn mower. It was made into a fairly fine film.

And finally, a long time ago, I sacrificed for many years so that my then-girlfriend/finacee could advance in her career, get into her dream line of work. Some people appreciate those sacrifices; some do not. She turned out to fall into the latter category. (and, in fact, there was a car involved - someone else that had a better car than me, a flashy convertible!) So I envy you that aspect of your life, and wish I had that.

[Knaight]

Technical approach - is some sort of +2 helm a possibility for biking or scootering?

Even with a good helmet biking does have some risks, and if you already have an injury just waiting to get worse that can be a problem. I wiped out on my bike a bit over a week ago; I'm fine and have basically recovered. The OP, with neck surgery followed by brain surgery? That same crash would probably have killed them; I ended up with a sore neck and a concussion, and that's with a lot of protective neck muscle and being decent at fall mitigation to the head (also a pretty good helmet). That could have been a broken neck or some sort of serious brain bleeding if there were surgeries to recover from.

[Scarlet Knight]

Ok, I agree about speaking to your wife; while she cannot be your driver all the time, once a week is not unreasonable. If the college is 10 miles away, that's only a 10-15 minute drive. Is there a game club or a store for weekly Magic games?

Also, this may be overly simple , but have you considered hosting the games ? Then the players can come to you? Or to rotate it so you only have to get a ride when it's your turn. Having a house has it's benefits in a college town.

I assume Uber is too expensive for you. As mentioned, is there a senior/medical van that can take you to town? Then you can get out a little, groceries or things. Maybe the library has a book club or the hospital needs volunteers?

Finally, there is church. Almost everytown has one, and has/needs volunteers to help others. Even if you don't attend mass, most soup kitchens don't care if you follow the faith as long as you can wash dishes. You just need to decide if you wish help as a "shut-in" or if you can help others worse off than you. Either way, you will see people.

[paddyfool]

I'm really sorry to hear that. I also get that you wanted to vent rather than ask for solutions, but all the same, would these two ideas be options?

1) You could maybe put a notice up at your NSFLGS saying that you'd be happy to spring for gas if someone could give you a lift to/from game night?

2) Might an adult tricycle allow a sufficient extra accessible distance while being more stable than a bicycle? +/- a relatively heavy duty eg cyclecross helmet?

[denthor]

Being as you are on this forum you are creative. Many college students need transportation. Of you provide the vehicle they may provide the man power (so to speak) is your wife's job capable of having students help around your house? If she is a teacher then the answer would be no. Administration maybe


Start a driving school!

[Tvtyrant]

Also I suggest contacting the local churches and government. Lots of organizations have members that give people rides.

[darkrose50]

Move someplace with a robust public transport system?

[Tvtyrant]

Move someplace with a robust public transport system?

They can't, he lives in that town because his wife's job is there. It is very much a rock and a hard place situation.

Edit: What are your neighbors like OP? Is it possible to make friends nearby or ask people over for dinner dates? It isn't the same as going out but regular and varied social interaction can help a lot.