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  1. - Top - End - #1
    Closed Account
     
    BlackDragon

    Join Date
    Dec 2018

    Default Critique my campaign

    I am almost done building my first world and as a new DM I am looking for feedback.

    I am basing my campaign around the Abyssal Plane and the demons that reside there. I am using the character Artorias from Dark Souls 1 as inspiration and was thinking of starting like this:

    1. They travel to a town overrun with Demons from the Abyss. They are led by Manus (hehe dark souls reference) who is the new "king" of the Abyss. He sends a genral to destroy the town, he turns all the inhabitants into atomic paste.
    2. They all escape and learn that the demons will destroy everything if they do not destroy Manus. He is currently on the 99th layer of the Abyssal Plane.
    3. They learn of an item that can help them travel in the Abyss but need to find out what it is first
    4. They need the Covenant of Artorias, a legendary Abyss Walker, to traverse the Abyss. It is guarded by a legion of his Walkers and the Great Grey Wolf Sif however.

    Basically they have to become strong enough to get the Covenant and destroy Manus. The idea is to collect items, allies, and experience in order to become strong enough to beat the BBEG. Its pretty straightforward and I am overall open to adapt it around my players characters so they can feel connected to the story. Any critiques are appreciated.

  2. - Top - End - #2
    Barbarian in the Playground
     
    Breccia's Avatar

    Join Date
    Mar 2013

    Default Re: Critique my campaign

    I mean...the plot sounds good for a high-level campaign, but...that's not really "world building". We're going to need a lot more.

    What was the town before it was overrun? What was special about it, that the demons started here? Why are the PCs there?
    What else is nearby? Who else is nearby? What other NPCs will get involved?
    Who is Manus, what are his character traits, who are his allies, who are his enemies?
    What's special about this demon invasion that can destroy the world? Demons wander worlds all the time without destroying them entirely.
    What about the surrounding lands? The country? The continent? Who's in charge, what deities are worshipped? What races are prevalent?

    The plot is fine, but I'm going to have a hard time commenting on the campaign when all we have is one town with no known features.

  3. - Top - End - #3
    Pixie in the Playground
    Join Date
    Mar 2016

    Default Re: Critique my campaign

    I would suggest having the PCs do a couple of low-level quests and meet a couple of the NPCs from that town. Maybe even have it be one of the player's home town. Have the players get captured by the general and escape so they have a face to pin it on rather than a non-present demon lord. There are a handful of vague obstacles but no reasons were given they don't have to be super complex just enough to justify the plot.


    You have presented a half baked plot structure that seems good but you need to give more details rather than a vague summary of the plot if you expect any solid advice further than the opening scenario.
    It seems like you have a rough draft rather than a campaign with major ideas like gathering allies and items, the themes/aesthetic and a vast majority of lore and storyboards not given or only mentioned. What you have given us so to critique is the ghost of an idea for a campaign.
    Last edited by SlothIllusion; 2019-11-19 at 10:47 PM.

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