LGBT people in the playground

[Reinboom]

To Shadow of the Sun: *squeals!!!*
I'm sorry to see your past.. that sucks.. I'm rather happy you have found Vael, however. ^^

A correction to false opinions that may have developed due to my story:
I love my siblings and parents. They don't directly support how I am, but they don't not support it, either. (double negatives are useful.)
My mother secretly hides money into packages that are sent to me, to keep me going. She would do this no matter what identity or orientation I had. So my immediate family does care- just this topic isn't one they recognize. My extended family are the mean ones.

[SMEE]

That's good to hear Reina.
I trully hope that they go through this phase and start to understand and accept you as your are.

Hyperfreak:
I hope everything turns alright with you and your parents. I'm glad that you went over the homophobi and is even helping people out through that group.

I wish there was such kind of group in my high school. I had a trully hard time dealing with the sexual harassment I went through (verbal, mental and even physical) during high school.

At least I'm over it now.

Edit:
Shadow of the Sun:
I'm happy that you found the will to overcome it all, and now is having a happy and healthy relationship with Vael. My best wishes to you both.

And hugs for all the posters. GITP is trully a wonderful and diverse community.

[QueenOfMemnoch]

-snip-

Now, I know you're a bit shy about this, Vael, but I gotta say it...I love you. You've changed my life for the better, made me feel better than I thought possible, and I thank you for that so, so, so much...I just hope I've had the same influence on your life. *huggles and snuggles*

And, well...that's my story.

And you know I love the both of you as much as a fangirl is able to <3
I'm so glad you and Vael are happy together
::much huggles for SotS::

[The Neoclassic]

*Hugs for everyone*

This is really quite an amazing thread. It wasn't until this year (first year of college) that I had close friends who were openly outside of the sexual "norm" (since unfortunately being straight with clearly defined gender roles is still the norm in society, as much as I may dislike that). This thread has shown me that there's much more diversity out there than I had even imagined was possible.

I'm certainly not anywhere near as interesting as many of you, and I am not even technically lesbian, gay, transgender/sexual, or bisexual, but I don't feel completely "straight" either. Hopefully you don't mind if I share my experiences...

While my friends all consider me "straight," I am slightly bicurious though I certainly prefer men. I have a crush on one girl in my dorm, but for the most part, I just think girls are pretty. With a few though, I get the same emotional "crush" reaction that I get when I like a guy.

When I made the mistake of telling one of my gay friends this, he made fun of me and told me there was no way I was bicurious and that I was just doing it for the attention. I did talk to him about it a few weeks later, and he said that he'd known lots of girls who said that for attention hence why he didn't believe me. I suppose some do, but it's frustrating to me that even some gay people think that sexuality must fit in a clearly defined role; I view it as more of a spectrum (for example, I'm 15% attracted to girls and 85% attracted to guys).

As to gender roles, I find myself always being more in the traditional masculine role in relationships. I do the driving, I decide where we're going and what we do, and I usually get the final word in things. I try not to be overbearing, but I can't deal with the passive/supportive feminine role for long periods of time (though short bouts of it can be fun). Guys who can be occasionally forced into a feminine role or even look feminine (in facial structure, hair, etc though not as extreme as actual signs of female anatomy) are extraordinarily attractive to me. Also, I like to wear male clothing on occasion (hiding my hair under a hat since I'm still not sure that I want to cut it) and I've even considered getting materials to make fake stubble to make it look more realistic. It's sort of odd though, since three out of four days I really enjoy looking very feminine; it's just that on occasion I really want to look and feel like the opposite gender. Is that weird? Everyone else seems to be decided one way or the other, not switch back and forth on a daily, weekly, or monthly basis...

[AdrianoIank]

I'm not hiding it, I'm just not running about shouting "Hey everyone! I'm Bi!!!!"

Same situation here.

I guess my post will mostly be a complement on Smee´s initial message, being the tale told as seen through her brother.

I was aware people would pick on Smee at high school, but I never realized it was so bad, and I did not realize it was because of that. Guess I was either oblivious, or in denial. I have no real idea.

I´ve realized Smee was not exactly a straight male around 2001-2002. That was when we both had interest in distinct programming frameworks, and would participate on IRC communities. While searching for a particular conversation log, I´ve stumbled upon a log from her conversations. My reaction followed the lines of , standing for discovery, realization, "so THAT´S what people were always trying to convey at high school", rationalization, acceptance. I´m not sure I´d accept it so easily 2 or 3 years earlier, though.

Years went by, and from mid 2006 she started dropping hints, but I´ve credited them on homosexuality, based upon I thought at the time. Then, one day she commented something about the psychiatrist counseling the externalization of your thoughts when I asked her about the acessories she started to wear. My mind was not exactly at ease when training that night. The next day, my perception of Smee of "not exactly straight male" was changed to "possibly straight, almost not certainly male".

Time went by, and the confession thread showed up. With it, confession #4. From the writing and the content, I´ve thought of Smee, but decided against asking. The confessor stated that he/she (anonymous, thus unknown gender at the time) would reveal eventually, thus I´ve chosen to wait. After some time, Smee burst the closet open with a sledgehammer.

My reaction was "Uh, duh!".

So, to make a point... there is both hatred and acceptance to be found outside the closet. That stands true whether you´re hiding your sexuality, your political stance, your religion, your hobbies... that´s the way humankind is. It´s not from the outside world that you should expect full acceptance. It´s from yourself.

[Reinboom]

-snip-

Ah, don't be entirely afraid to step out of your 'role', it's not there. Don't be afraid to live out any orientation you find yourself in without a true fear. (if you find yourself attracted to those who enjoy putting guns in your mouth... then perhaps you should fear that... but otherwise, yeah... ignore this). It's nice to be able to speak to such things about to a friend and at other times it's nice to just pursue what you wish - either way.

For the possibly more delicate topic of the cross-dressing, since it's looked down upon much more quickly than orientation I find... perhaps you are experiencing a slightly less emphasized version of what Queen of Memnoch is experiencing? (read her posts earlier in this thread). Or perhaps you just like being able to step out from the norm.
Personally, one of my hidden 'attractions' is I adore women in suits and men in dresses. But that's just one of my more odd mindsets.

[Skippy]

Hi everyone. I'm straight, and I am glad of all of you who are really sure of who you are and can openly say it, and are glad to discuss it. I'm glad we have finally achieved that level of confidence with the forums.

However, I'd like all of you to please keep your stories or experiences "family-oriented", for the sake of this thread. I wouldn't like to see it closed, because it can be really helpful to some people.

Otherwise, congratulations to all of you!

[Brickwall]

-long post here-

Wanting to feel masculine isn't the same as being transgendered. I'm not even sure it's a question of sexuality. It may be, but it could very well just be something you enjoy doing. You identify as female, and no amount of bicuriousness or urges to crossdress are going to change that. However, it sounds like you might be attracted to "Nebbish" men once in a while, so tread lightly upon the ground of seeking moderately submissive partners.

[SMEE]

*snip*

So... you knew most of it all along... for such long time??? and yet I've never perceived it?

It seems that my senses aren't as keen as I would expect.

[The Neoclassic]

... perhaps you are experiencing a slightly less emphasized version of what Queen of Memnoch is experiencing? (read her posts earlier in this thread). Or perhaps you just like being able to step out from the norm.

After rereading what Queen of Memnoch wrote, I'd say perhaps a much less emphasized version of the same situation. If she's genderqueer, as she calls herself, I think I'm gendercurious.

Oh, I think the anonymous emailer that SMEE set up so people can share their stories without having them associated with their username is a great idea. Thanks also to whoever posted the Timeline of LGBT History; it's really interesting.

[QueenOfMemnoch]

After rereading what Queen of Memnoch wrote, I'd say perhaps a much less emphasized version of the same situation. If she's genderqueer, as she calls herself, I think I'm gendercurious.

Oh, I think the anonymous emailer that SMEE set up so people can share their stories without having them associated with their username is a great idea. Thanks also to whoever posted the Timeline of LGBT History; it's really interesting.

I think that's perfectly normal, really, to want to hold some typically "male" aspects as a female, especially if you've been experimenting with feelings for other girls.
It just makes you a stronger combination of both
Glad what I wrote could help in some way.

[Dihan]

The first day of school after coming out to the other friend. It felt a bit awkward to begin with, but it was fine in the end. I think I made the right decision.

[ufo]

... reading this thread is like reading all the cute love stories ever written. Also, although I'm straight myself, I've had use of this thread in two ways:

An interesting look into the mind of other people!*
All the people (except Jibar!) whose gender I've been confused about confusith no more!

*smoke screen*
*disappear'd*

*[insert smart-butt note!]

The first day of school after coming out to the other friend. It felt a bit awkward to begin with, but it was fine in the end. I think I made the right decision.

That's good to know.

[Quincunx]

Re: childbearing:

The instant science figures out how to snap those shackles through time (there's no good in having had the ability at all--merely losing it becomes menopause, and by d--- we're all going to get that ((we've earned it)) ), you're welcome to mine. At the moment, however, that is one of the blocks upon the dead-end road.

Re: anonymity:

Your syntax slipped, and I don't know which syntax is more original.
There but for the grace of unquenchable rage go I.

Re: innocence:

What's worse: pointing a child at the sexual acts and saying "this is your future", or thinking as a child and coming to conclusions about the inevitable? They're both commonplace and both horrors, but thoughts in the pure time before hormones. . .maybe then we expend some hope and receive a fragment of truth? I'm placing more trust in the possibly ignorant, possibly bigoted, possibly untrained children's revelations in this thread--the ones who had chosen their paths before puberty.

[Sir_Norbert]

*hugs everyone*

I don't have much to contribute, as I'm entirely straight myself and have never even been curious. But I'm very open-minded towards non-straight orientations in others and it really warms my heart to hear some of your stories about coming out and finding happiness. It's wonderful that this forum is open enough to encourage these posts, and I hope it continues.

[ufo]

*hugs everyone*

I don't have much to contribute, as I'm entirely straight myself and have never even been curious. But I'm very open-minded towards non-straight orientations in others and it really warms my heart to hear some of your stories about coming out and finding happiness. It's wonderful that this forum is open enough to encourage these posts, and I hope it continues.

I wanted to make a post exactly like this, but my lacking English prevented me.

So yeah, ditto.

[The Vorpal Tribble]

I'm too hetero for this page, too hetero for this thread, so hetero it huuuurts...

[AmberVael]

That was a few months ago. My depression has been disappearing, and I'm happier than I've ever been, thanks to him.

Now, I know you're a bit shy about this, Vael, but I gotta say it...I love you. You've changed my life for the better, made me feel better than I thought possible, and I thank you for that so, so, so much...I just hope I've had the same influence on your life. *huggles and snuggles*

To Shadow of the Sun: *squeals!!!*
I'm sorry to see your past.. that sucks.. I'm rather happy you have found Vael, however. ^^

Shadow of the Sun:
I'm happy that you found the will to overcome it all, and now is having a happy and healthy relationship with Vael. My best wishes to you both.

And you know I love the both of you as much as a fangirl is able to <3
I'm so glad you and Vael are happy together
::much huggles for SotS::

Thanks guys.
(Even though most of that was directed at Shadow of the Sun).
And now I'm going to go hide and be shy but happy.
*Ninjas away- after snuggling SotS*

[Quincunx]

I'm too hetero for this page, too hetero for this thread, so hetero it huuuurts...

The beatings will continue until morale music improves!

[EDIT: Beatings for Shadow of the Sun also, even though that tune isn't Stuck In My Head And Wearing Down the Edges of My Patience.

Glug, I can only sympathize, since I couldn't figure out how to get the recently liberated tongue to stop wagging either. Not here, of course--this space is set aside for it specifically--but in real life where I might have liked to hear about anything else, for a change. Maybe the problem was sidestepped with Mario Kart.]

[Winterwind]

I think I'm straight myself (not completely sure though), but I too wanted to state how happy I am to see this thread and all your stories of personal courage, love and finding to your true self. Knowing this haven of tolerance exists alone is really soothing, and I find that, in the past few days, whenever I see someone making bigoted or intolerant statements I turn to this thread to reinforce my trust in mankind in general and the Playground in particular. Thank you for that, and my best wishes to all of you.

[rubakhin]

This thread is so cute. I'm glad everyone's finding happiness.

Me, I'm still too full of emotional problems and promiscuity to be anywhere near romantically content. Ach. I don't really date, but I've been seeing this one guy (Sasha) since September, on and off. We haven't seen each other since May because of his mother, who hates me and controls him to an unhealthy extent. We still talk, and we're still devoted to one another, but it's hard ... he's worrying about his sexuality (before he met me he was straight) and everyone he knows thinks I'm a bad influence on him. This was true at some point - I was sexually abused and having a relationship with him threw me into a crisis stage for a few months, I was a complete wreck and I took a lot out on him when I shouldn't have. I'm better now, but even so, I don't blame his mother Marina for being afraid of me.

Sooner or later I want to go back to Russia with him. But over there it can be hard. Support for gay marriage is at something like fourteen percent, you can't have gay pride parades because the Putinjugend or whoever will riot and the cops and politicians will help them beat you down. In the nineties thousands of men were being thrown in prison each year before homosexuality was decriminalized - I don't have to tell you about the phenomenon of ritualized abuse gay men received in prison, from both the inmates and the guards - a few people have written about opushchennye (something like "the degraded" or "the humiliated", literally "that which has been lowered") that you can find online. You can even still get in trouble for publishing things Of a Certain Nature (any Russian here remember all the kerfuffle over Goluboye Salo? ) , but fortunately that's becoming less and less true.

But you know, gay men in Russia ... it's different when it's about art. Practically every major writer was bisexual or gay. Tolstoy and Gogol, for instance (Tolstoy had a wife, but he hated women and was only physically attracted to men), and Lermontov even wrote some erotic poetry in that vein. Although straight, Pushkin wrote a couple of love poems, and Dostoevsky did a novel about young lesbians. The famous authors Kuzmin and Kharitonov barely talked about anything but their homosexuality, and even among intellectual homophobes they're both household names. In America you get "No, I'm not going to read it, it's got gays!" But in Russia, when you get an intellectual who seriously hates us, he's still like "But Kharitonov! What a wonderful prose style! And Kuzmin's poems!" Fiction with gay characters and themes can still have popular readings. Whereas in America you have plenty of what Bruce Benderson so elegantly called The Great American ****-Chasing Novel, but it seems that queer fiction is kind of ghettoized, and anybody who has outside appeal isn't considered part of the queer canon - like Burroughs, for instance - I mean, what were Queer and Wild Boys if not gay novels?

So, LGBT writers, please come to Russia, you will become very famous and happy if you do not get beaten and killed. Come especially to Petersburg, which has a great gay scene that sprung up only a decade or two ago, and Moscow, which, as everyone knows, is the sin capital of the world.

[Kaelaroth]

The first day of school after coming out to the other friend. It felt a bit awkward to begin with, but it was fine in the end. I think I made the right decision.

Yaay! I'm so proud of you matey!

At the moment one of the things that really doex make me sad is how the supposedly straight kids at my school use "gay", "@*#(got)", and related crude homophobic paraphenalia as an insult. It is really getting to me now, and I occasionally get so damn annoyed that I slapped some kids who did around a bit. . Not a good idea, I'll admit. It is this kind of passive homophobia that is really getting to me. And the kind where kids claim that they're fine with it, and then slag me off and make a mockery of me behind my back.

And I'm sorry Brickwall if I can't have my own opinions. I do think people suck. A mon avis, every single person on this earth is a bastard until proven nice. People suck.

I also am having difficulty with the fact that I think I might be conforming to how they want me to be. I have found myself getting camp, and it is starting to worry me. Admittedly I have always been fond of fashion and the relatd sutff, but I am picking up stereotypical homosexual mannerisms, and everyone accepts it (including some part of me), as if I don't exist - I'm just that gay kid.

Also, I want my boyfriend (my one and only) back so much, but he's blanking me.

[Dihan]

Yaay! I'm so proud of you matey!

Thanks! ^.^

At the moment one of the things that really doex make me sad is how the supposedly straight kids at my school use "gay", "@*#(got)", and related crude homophobic paraphenalia as an insult. It is really getting to me now, and I occasionally get so damn annoyed that I slapped some kids who did around a bit. . Not a good idea, I'll admit. It is this kind of passive homophobia that is really getting to me. And the kind where kids claim that they're fine with it, and then slag me off and make a mockery of me behind my back.

I hear you. It was only today when people who were "fine with gay people" were saying stuff like "I know you're gay because _________", repeating some dumb movie or something. They were doing it in the library, and as the librarian has quit there's no supervision in there (only Sixth Formers are allowed in), I threw a book at the one who started it.

I also am having difficulty with the fact that I think I might be conforming to how they want me to be. I have found myself getting camp, and it is starting to worry me. Admittedly I have always been fond of fashion and the relatd sutff, but I am picking up stereotypical homosexual mannerisms, and everyone accepts it (including some part of me), as if I don't exist - I'm just that gay kid.

I'm sure that the non-stereotypical aspect of you out-weighs that of the stereotypical. I wouldn't worry, you're still young and you may or may not grow out of the campness.

Also, I want my boyfriend (my one and only) back so much, but he's blanking me. :bigfrown:

He'll be back. Don't you worry.

[Kaelaroth]

He'll be back. Don't you worry.

No, I don't think he will be back. He dumped me for being too young for him. And I bet now he's off with some brazen jock from his rugby/football team.

[Cobra_Ikari]

No, I don't think he will be back. He dumped me for being too young for him. And I bet now he's off with some brazen jock from his rugby/football team.

:( *hugs*

Well, it sounds like you're better off without someone like that... :\

[PhoeKun]

I also am having difficulty with the fact that I think I might be conforming to how they want me to be. I have found myself getting camp, and it is starting to worry me. Admittedly I have always been fond of fashion and the relatd sutff, but I am picking up stereotypical homosexual mannerisms, and everyone accepts it (including some part of me), as if I don't exist - I'm just that gay kid.

Something to keep in mind: there are entirely heterosexual men out there who are very, very camp. All the mannerisms commonly associated with homosexuality are, in fact, just personality traits.

Your behavior might be a reaction expectations, or it might just be a part of who you are. Either way, I wouldn't spend much time worrying about it if I were you.

edit: and if you don't mind my asking, how long has it been since your boyfriend broke up with you?

[Dihan]

No, I don't think he will be back. He dumped me for being too young for him. And I bet now he's off with some brazen jock from his rugby/football team.

In that case, you're better off without him. If someone can just dump someone on a whim like that then he must not have truly loved you.

[Seffbasilisk]

I used to think I was completely straight, but then again I was raised Roman Catholic, and at the same time, some weird sect of Catholic i'm not even sure of (my parents went to different churches) and while my mom and sister would be supporting of me regardless, my dad is this big-shot republican where I live and decidedly homophobic. I'd put myself as more bi-curious then anything else. I'm currently madly in love with my fiancée, but can still see a guy and make note of his smexiness. (Brad Pitt, Meet Joe Black. Watch that and tell me he is NOT gorgeous.) Further complicated as the guys i've been with have all been aggressive horrible lovers. That and I'm pretty solidly set in as a dom. To further complicate the issue, my fiancée is bi and has told me that on occasion she misses the ladies. The problem being that she refuses to 'share' me, and I'd prefer to be in on any encounters she's having. I'm also rediculously possessive and would probably kill any guy I found touching her like that, which limits the threesomes. It's also made sticky because of the large number of people willing to throw themselves at both of us, either individually or as a pair. She thinks a three-way might make it easier for the two of us, but I put my foot down on another guy getting near her, and she's unwilling to share me with any girls. It's rediculous, I mean...we're both happy together, and have been together on what's coming up on three and a half years yet I can empathize with her wanting to be with the ladies, understandably, I'd like to be in on any such get-togethers, which would ALSO help the issue that only seems to be bugging her that I was in a bit of a dry spell when I met her, and her fears about that causing complications down the road. Arrgh. This has turned into a relationship rant, but at least it still somewhat pertains.

Anyway, I'd stick myself at about a 1 on the Kinsey scale. Took me to the first year of college to really start to come to terms with it, thought I've been active in GSA for years. Meh, I don't see the hugging as a 'clear sign' as I like to hug folks. Never was really against gays at all, but I guess my feelings towards them are somewhat colored as the four guys I've been with have all been horrible lovers in thier own ways. Meh, I guess it's all just confusing. I'm open on aim if anyone wants to talk though. Thanks fer readin' this behemoth.

[Kaelaroth]

I used to think I was completely straight, but then again I was raised Roman Catholic, and at the same time, some weird sect of Catholic i'm not even sure of (my parents went to different churches) and while my mom and sister would be supporting of me regardless, my dad is this big-shot republican where I live and decidedly homophobic. I'd put myself as more bi-curious then anything else. I'm currently madly in love with my fiancée, but can still see a guy and make note of his smexiness. (Brad Pitt, Meet Joe Black. Watch that and tell me he is NOT gorgeous.) Further complicated as the guys i've been with have all been aggressive horrible lovers. That and I'm pretty solidly set in as a dom. To further complicate the issue, my fiancée is bi and has told me that on occasion she misses the ladies. The problem being that she refuses to 'share' me, and I'd prefer to be in on any encounters she's having. I'm also rediculously possessive and would probably kill any guy I found touching her like that, which limits the threesomes. It's also made sticky because of the large number of people willing to throw themselves at both of us, either individually or as a pair. She thinks a three-way might make it easier for the two of us, but I put my foot down on another guy getting near her, and she's unwilling to share me with any girls. It's rediculous, I mean...we're both happy together, and have been together on what's coming up on three and a half years yet I can empathize with her wanting to be with the ladies, understandably, I'd like to be in on any such get-togethers, which would ALSO help the issue that only seems to be bugging her that I was in a bit of a dry spell when I met her, and her fears about that causing complications down the road. Arrgh. This has turned into a relationship rant, but at least it still somewhat pertains.

Anyway, I'd stick myself at about a 1 on the Kinsey scale. Took me to the first year of college to really start to come to terms with it, thought I've been active in GSA for years. Meh, I don't see the hugging as a 'clear sign' as I like to hug folks. Never was really against gays at all, but I guess my feelings towards them are somewhat colored as the four guys I've been with have all been horrible lovers in thier own ways. Meh, I guess it's all just confusing. I'm open on aim if anyone wants to talk though. Thanks fer readin' this behemoth.

That's really sweet! It's nice to see you care about your fiancee so much. I wouldn't worry about the possibility she might miss the ladies so much she decides to renew their friendship. If you love her, and treat her well, it shouldn't be a problem.

And, yes, Brad Pitt is the epitome of gorgeousness and divinity in Meet Joe Black. *drools*

[GuesssWho]

Glad to see this is here. As a fan of Oscar Wilde and Melissa Etheridge and as a lesbian.