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    Pixie in the Playground
     
    ElanROCKS's Avatar

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    biggrin Twins- An OOTS style fancomic by ElanROCKS

    No time for charactar bios. Sorry, enjoy the comic.

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    You expected a comic? Well, You'll see one no doubt. I decided (see Z-Axis' post) to download Inkscape and revise it to a version 2.0. Trust me, Version 1.0, not so good. See ya later!
    Last edited by ElanROCKS; 2007-12-11 at 01:53 PM. Reason: To inform people of version 2 of the comic
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    Default Re: Twins- An OOTS style fancomic by ElanROCKS

    Now, I am positive about this, but..... I can't comprehend the english.

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    Default Re: Twins- An OOTS style fancomic by ElanROCKS

    Quote Originally Posted by Ichneumon View Post
    Now, I am positive about this, but..... I can't comprehend the english.

    What do you mean? You can't read it? Huh?
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    Default Re: Twins- An OOTS style fancomic by ElanROCKS

    No offense but... What?
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    You faithful student,
    Nameless

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    Default Re: Twins- An OOTS style fancomic by ElanROCKS

    What do you mean what? Can't you read it?
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    Default Re: Twins- An OOTS style fancomic by ElanROCKS

    It is a good comic, although the art is lacking a bit and the dialogues are not perfect I am sure you will progress. Did you use paint? If so, try using inkscape. It takes a real artist to draw something good with paint, while it takes only 2-3 hours to learn to draw something decent with Inkcape. I am sure it would look a lot better if you did that. Don't let the vector controls of inkscape scare you, you'll get used to it.

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    Default Re: Twins- An OOTS style fancomic by ElanROCKS

    Ok, I'll try Inkscape and yes, it was made in paint.
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    Default Re: Twins- An OOTS style fancomic by ElanROCKS

    Edit: Ichneumon posted while I was writing this, so some of this advice has already been said.

    Well, a few specific critiques...

    Anti-aliasing. You have some major issues with pixellated edges to your shapes, and to fix that I reccomend resizing in Irfanview, as described in lankybugger's Paint tutorial. Making the comic in a different tool to MSPaint would help fix that.

    In English, we read from left to right. Thus, speech bubbles that come first should be to the left of speech bubbles that come second. Thus, the turqoise baby's "Better be" should come after the "Soon dear" in panel 2.

    Jack's "G-guys..." should come before the response ("Not now Jack"), otherwise the response gets read first.

    The text is surrounded by bits of white, presumably an anti-aliasing issue. You should use the fill tool in all the places you need before entering any text, and indeed it is better to insert the text using a different program so you can edit the text.

    There is no ground in the last panel.

    You might be doing it to show an accent, but if I were you, I'd write 'Mister' rather than 'meestare', since I honestly had no idea what you meant when I first read that.

    The line thickness around your characters seems to vary for some odd reason. If you simply draw with the line, box, and circle tools then fill where appropriate this should not happen, so I am not sure why it is. In addition, your lines need to be thicker in many cases - 2pt with antialiasing is the generally accepted norm.

    Jack has no arms in panel 2.

    The baby could do with changing colour from turquoise - I presume he is meant to be a half-orc or something, and thus should be more green. Remember that you can change the colour you are using in MSPaint by double-clicking on it.

    That said, using MSPaint is actually seriously hurting your art. I seriously reccomend downloading a vector program such as Inkscape or Sodipodi (both of which are free and open source, so it won't cost you anything). While initially difficult to learn, the tutorials on this site will help you get past the initial learning barrier, and your images will improve greatly improve due to the many advantages these programs have over MSPaint. If you'd rather not learn a vector program, the Gnu Image Manipulation Program is an excellent free graphics program, although its interface is fairly hard to use.

    I think you also need to work on your story. Currently, I am not entirely sure what is going on. Presumably, this is the strip in which you introduce characters, but I'm still generally clueless about them after reading it. It is probably best to introduce one group of characters at once. There also wasn't a punchline, and a good joke is essential for the first strip in a comic. In addition to this, it is inadvisable to break the 4th wall, as you did with the 8 panels bit, in the first comic.

    If I were you, I would remake this comic entirely, with a new script, new art that doesn't suffer from the problems caused by MS Paint, and a good joke. Make sure your writing is clear and easy to read - check it makes sense with a friend or family member.

    I hope I'm not being rude or harsh here, and apologies if I have offended you in any way with this post.
    Last edited by Bryn; 2007-12-11 at 01:36 PM.

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    Default Re: Twins- An OOTS style fancomic by ElanROCKS

    Quote Originally Posted by ElanROCKS View Post
    What do you mean what? Can't you read it?
    I'm just unsure whats happening. Can you explain please?
    Dear Princess Celestia,


    You faithful student,
    Nameless

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    ElanROCKS's Avatar

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    Default Re: Twins- An OOTS style fancomic by ElanROCKS

    Thank you Z-Axis. I'll get to work on a revised 1st comic. I hadn't exaactly realized all the problems. And, sorry to all of you who had to suffer from trying to read it. Thanks for trying. Expect version 2 later today.
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    Default Re: Twins- An OOTS style fancomic by ElanROCKS

    Make sure you read a Inkscape tutorial

    I couldn't use inkscape to save my life for about 2 weeks, then I read a tutorial, and it all became so much easier .

    goodluck.

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    Default Re: Twins- An OOTS style fancomic by ElanROCKS

    Inkscape= Satan's tool
    Dear Princess Celestia,


    You faithful student,
    Nameless

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    Default Re: Twins- An OOTS style fancomic by ElanROCKS

    Quote Originally Posted by Nameless View Post
    Inkscape= Satan's tool
    Didn't you go to college with that guy?

    *ba-dum kish*
    Last edited by Yeril; 2007-12-11 at 02:46 PM.

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    Default Re: Twins- An OOTS style fancomic by ElanROCKS

    Quote Originally Posted by Yeril View Post
    Make sure you read a Inkscape tutorial

    I couldn't use inkscape to save my life for about 2 weeks, then I read a tutorial, and it all became so much easier .

    goodluck.
    ok. thanks
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    Default Re: Twins- An OOTS style fancomic by ElanROCKS

    Quote Originally Posted by Yeril View Post
    Didn't you go to college with that guy?

    *ba-dum kish*
    I'm trying to forget...
    Dear Princess Celestia,


    You faithful student,
    Nameless

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