The GM is an idiot

[MrEdwardNigma]

Hank seems to be hyperventilating because of the sudden activity of the players. First off all there's that brat Silkenfist who came running in uninvited
((No, seriously, I don't even recall Silkenfist being in the recruitment thread... I mean, I 'd like to let him in because he's playing his character very well and above all entertainingly, but that'd give other people a reason to just barge in too... Sorry, Silkenfist, but unless H Savvy is okay with you replacing him since he's the least active player, you're not in)) and then there was everybody suddenly discussing stuff and throwing character sheets around, but just when Hank is about to protest he's grabbed by Bayar and threatened.
Bayar gets pulled away by the others soon enough, but the damage is done and the GM fals to the floor crying, occasionally pauzing to wheeze for bit, only to go back to crying some minutes later. As far as getting the game going is concerned, this probably wasn't too good a move.

The upstairs door opens and Dan enters the basement. Dan, the roleplaying legend. Dan looks nothing like the cliché D&D geek but with his thin and muscular body, his tan, his long blonde hair with streaks of brown and his goatee he looks more like a surfer. His T-Shirt however gives him away, reading "Feed the GM" with a humorous drawing of a GM chomping up some character sheets.
"Hey, what's going on here? Who upset Hank like that? Don't you guys know roleplaying games are about having fun? Does this look like fun to you, eh? Does it?"

Dan shakes his head and walks down the stairs. He then consoles his brother a bit and drags him back up on his seat.
"Make sure that doesn't happen again, you brats" he says, and then he returns to the upstairs, dragging out the uninvited Silkenfist with him.

Hank fixes his glasses and dries his last couple of tears. He then adresseshis players, avoiding the gaze of Bayar.
"A-All right... Let's continue"

Hank grabs Necroswanso's character sheet, accidentally ripping off the part he was covering with his hand.
"O-Okay... That looks good, I guess... Oh, I, ehrm, added a picture..."

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Jericho

Race: Human
Class: Necromancer
Sex: Male
Player: The Necroswanso

Strength: 11
Intelligence: 16
Wisdom: 6
Constitution: 10
Dexterity: 7
Charisma: 13
Awesomeness: 6

Background: Seeking to gain the ultimate knowledge of undead and it's application of how it can be useful in the world.
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((For clarity, Hank doesn't know abour racial bonuses. Don't even try explaining it to him. Each and every character sheet ever posted by Hank is a final one, and will not be changed. Also, threatening the GM in real life will only lead to being kicked out of the game or being crushed by rocks in the game. Sometimes to both. Besides, this might be a silly game, but you don't go aroudn threatening your GM, do you?))

[The Necroswanso]

Necroswanson groaned at the picture.
"Couldn't even be Ming the Merciless, damnit."

He shot Bayar a murderous look.
"I trust you won't be pulling that bull**** all night will you?"

Having just been struck by his muse Necroswanson digs through his backpack finding his colored pencils. He begins scribbling on the picture, blocking any from viewing.
"heh heh, fumanchu"

If you choose to thwart his attemtps at hiding the picture however:

Spoiler

Show

[Koga]

Koga thinks to himself how his plan is ruined...

Or is it?

Koga writes down a note and gives it to Bayar.

Yo, I think you were perfectly in the right man. You worked hard on your character. You and I should work together. We could easily crush these mongrels! Specially gothboy, I don't like him...

Make sure to tear this note-up when you're done reading it. Claim it had to do with out of game stuff that I didn't want getting around.

PS: Do you have a sister? : )

[RandomLunatic]

After engaging Hank in a short but fruitless debate about the concept of 'racial bonuses', RandomLunatic idly drums his fingers on table while sipping his soda and waiting for the game to start-since none of the commotion involved killing, looting, leveling up, or threats to his personal well-being, it was not worth paying attention to.

[MrEdwardNigma]

The upstairs door opened again and Silkenfist snuck back in. It was just as well, really, because H Savvy had just eaten some cookies off the wrong plate and was now hanging over the downstairs toilet looking all green.

((Yes, this means Silkenfist is in and H Savvy is out. H Savvy bended out to give him a chance to play. You'd better honour this chance given to you, Silkenfist. Hilarious picture by the way, Necroswanso))

Hank looks a lot better now, and he seems to have forgotten about most of the incident with Bayar. He seems to have made some changes to his papers though.
"All right, I'm going to get these last three character sheets in order and then we can start playing! I just can't wait, you guys!"

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Dangalf the Black

Race: Tiefling (Wait, wait, wait, aren't these supposed to be thieves?)
Class: Wizard
Sex: Male
Player: Silkenfist

Strength: 17
Intelligence: 13
Wisdom: 16
Constitution: 10
Dexterity: 3
Charisma: 2
Awesomeness: 18

Background: On a quest to become the most powerful wizard in the universe.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------

[The Necroswanso]

Necroswanson snarls as he bears witness of the note passing from Koga to Bayar.

"Oh now I'm not one to jump to conclusion, but please dear sir Koga, I hope you are not plotting a misdeed are you? Or do you just have something to say to your lover you cannot say infront of us. Please, have no fear, we accept you. Speak aloud, I will not judge your life decisions, atleast, outloud."

[Bayar]

Sry for LARP'ing. He seems to be tearing apart a small piece of paper. Nah, that wont work. *smirk*

[chrono]

Well...
Chrono eyes Hank and you can feel the impatience in his voice.
I suppose we're all sitting in a tavern looking for trouble... err adventure? 'Tis your turn, Hank... We need to get started with the looting.... Which reminds me - don't we have some killing gear on our person already?

[Bayar]

heh, gear is for fighters. A tome of magic is better.

[Silkenfist]

((Woo! Thanks a lot Savvy *bows to his benefactor*, I shall honor your sacrifice with all the juvenile arcane badness I can muster))

Silkenfist takes a seat at the table quietly. Apparently, Dan had a 'talk' with him earlier including proper etiquette at the table of his brother and consequences of not abiding its rules. After ten seconds of sitting still, sweat is already visible in his palms and not before long, he starts fidgeting with the other player's dices again. When he notices that someone looks at him, he tries to stop immediately, which causes a stack of d6s to fall of the table. He opens his mouth to ask why they haven't started yet, but closes it again when he remembers the talk with Dan. Instead, he slumps around on the chair, trying to collect the d6 with his feet without someone noticing.

[chrono]

Chrono gives Bayar a look of desperation.
You're right... I need a lute.

[Bayar]

Lute's are nice, but overused. Get an axe and add some strings to it. You can now play songs and bash your foes. Or just learn to sing with your mouth good enough. It is the same thing as a lute.

Just dont get that "Summon instrument" crap spell. It is a trap !

[MrEdwardNigma]

((Sorry about my earlier post, I had to go somewhere urgently and couldn't finish the three character sheets. After this post I will update the first post to include all nine (yes, nine...) character sheets))

----------------------------------------------------------------------------
Kam Gompizo

Race: Human
Class: Cleric
Sex: Male
Player: Quxelopqr

Strength: 8
Dexterity: 3
Constitution: 17
Intelligence: 11
Wisdom: 20
Charisma: 11
Awesomeness: 2

Background: Sent by his God to go on a holy quest of some kind and probably slay some evildoers.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------

--------------------------------------------------------------------------
Harry Potter

Race: Human
Class: Wizard
Sex: Male
Player: Hank

Strength: 12
Intelligence: 20
Wisdom: 20
Dexterity: 12
Charisma: 20
Awesomeness: 50

Background: He learnt magic at a magic school!
--------------------------------------------------------------------------

"I hope you guys don't mind I rolled up my character before you arrived, but I only did it to us some time. I mean, Dan always says you should make proper preparations before your players arrive. Anyways, you guys, on to basic equipment. Bard's get a lute, barbarians get a sword, wizards, and necromancers I suppose, get a staff, rogue's get a dagger, monks get a piece of rope and clerics get a bible. Wizards get ehrm... Fireball and Feather Fall as their basic spells, clerics get Turn Undead and necromancers get Turn Into Undead. You all have some regular clothes as well, off course. Anyways, let's get this campaign started!"

--------------------------------------------------------------------------
The mythic land of Europe is in trouble as a dark lord has risen. He who shall not be named came from the depths of hell itself and has raised an army the likes of which have never been seen before upon his arrival in this world. This army has taken over most of Europe as the dark lord led them from his stronghold in Shkl'dk'tk, a barren land full of rock and volcanoes. It is still possible to travel freely through Europe, but the Orcs who serve the dark lord are everywhere and freely raid and pillage. These are dark times, but there's plenty of money to be made by adventuring.

Our story begins in a small tavern called The Small Tavern. It's in a small village called The Small Village. The Small Tavern only has few chairs and tables, as it's too small to fit in any more, and they serve nothing but beer, because it's only a small tavern. Here our heroes meet by fate, while being served by Bob, the bartender.

[Bayar]

I get up from my chair, walk slowly towards the nearest wall and bang my head in it. Then I calmly get back to my seat. If you are wondering, it is an allergic reaction... . I go to Bob and tell him to give me some money. It is for a good cause. To save the world !

After a few moments...I am tempted to kill Harry Potter. He is evil and probably undead.

Harry Potter
Race: Human
Class: Wizard
Sex: Male
Player: Hank

Strength: 12
Intelligence: 20
Wisdom: 20
Dexterity: 12
Charisma: 20
Awesomeness: 50

No constitution score. So that means he is a undead spawn of hell.

[MrEdwardNigma]

No constitution score. So that means he is a undead spawn of hell.

"That's...actually a good point, Bayar. Lemme fix that..."

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Harry Rotter

Race: Undead
Class: Wizard
Sex: Male
Player: Hank

Strength: 12
Intelligence: 20
Wisdom: 20
Dexterity: 12
Charisma: 20
Awesomeness: 50

Background: He learnt magic at a magic school! And then he died.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------

[Bayar]

I write a note on a piece of paper and give it to Koga.

Lets kill the dead character first. Then we can slaughter the retarded wizard.

Rip this note when you are done reading.

PS: No, I dont have a sister. Do you ?

[The Necroswanso]

Necroswanson motions as Bayar bangs his head ont he wall.
"My sentiments exactly."
He begins to contemplate his actions.
"I cast a fireball at him and BoB."
He motions to Bayar again.
"They're obviously in cohoots with this dark lord."

[MrEdwardNigma]

Out-Game
"He-he-he-he, forget who you are playing already, Swanso? A necromancer can't cast fireball!"

In-Game
The door of the tavern opens and Harry Rotter walks in. Some of the townsfolk cheer on this awesome undead wizard and someone offers to buy him a beer, but Harry refuses as he's underage. Instead he lurches up to the bar, leans on it and asks for a glass of milk. He looks around the bar and nods at Jericho and Dragonborn Of Bahamut Chosen Bonus Wings in acknowledgement, raising his glass of milk to them.

Out-Game
"See, that's how you do a proper character introduction, you guys. You guys just sorta wanted to start attacking the barkeep without roleplaying the slightest bit! You really are going to have to do better, you know. Don't worry, I'm confident you'll learn. Oh, and Bayar, can I just call your character Wings for short, because that name you chose is really long!"

[The Necroswanso]

Necroswanson scratches his head.
"Wait. A Necromancer is a specialist wizard. If I don't get fireball, what spells do I get?"

[MrEdwardNigma]

Out-Game
Hank sighs loudly.
"I know it's hard sometimes, but you really have to try to remember stuff like this. You get Turn Into Undead. I-It's basically a spell that allows you to make a zombie out of a corpse, okay?"

[Bayar]

[Really OOC - God, you are playing him too well. I mean, if he was my DM in real life, I would kick him in the crotch and call the police to arrest him on the charges of being an ass. Ah well...]

Out-game No. . It is a being so pure and powerful, it would use the holy powers of bahamut to smite your abomination of a character. You can call it...Jirix.

In-GameSo, you called us here to kill Hitler a certain dark lord? I would rather kill someone around these parts rather than go all the way across Europe to stab a guy. Bob, do you need any help in eliminating the undead scourge plaguing your tavern?

Out-Game Just use your necromantic powers to control bony ass over there...

[Koga]

Koga nods at Bayar in agreement then rips up the note.

"John John Binks goes to look for some liquor bottles to steal. Something to take with him on the road.."

He writes another note, this time to Silkenfist.

Silenfist, when I get the liquor, I'm going to "accidently" drop it on Harry Potter. Then you can use a fire spell to light him abalze. Liquor is flammable, it'll have a simaler effect as dropping gasoline on him.

If Harry Potter lives, you will never get the glory as the most badass wizard! Look at those stats! Harry Potter must die!

Also tear this note up when you're done. Not all of our comrades are as clever as we are... They wouldn't understand...

[MrEdwardNigma]

Out-Game
Hank laughs.
"He-he-he *snort*. Look, you guys, first of all Harry Rotter didn't call you there, he's just another player. You just all happen to be in the inn at the same time. No-one really called you there, I'm just trying to let you have a bit of character introduction. Also, there's no liquor in the bar, just some kegs of beer. I did say Bob only served beer, right?"

In-Game
Bob, the bartender, looks at Wings.
"Who? Harry Rotter? But he's so awesome! I do have something you could help me out with though, but it is a dangerous quest...Many have fallen..."

[Koga]

Koga says "Oh yeah, I guess you're right..."


Koga then goes to greet this Harry Potter and grabs a big mug of beer to go give to him. He then stumbles a little "WHOOPS!" and spills beer on Harry.

(NOTE: In character talky will be in bold text)

[The Necroswanso]

((Jesus H Christ this reminds me of when my firends and I first started playing.))


Necroswanson simply shrugs at his ability to simply make dead things, undead.

"Alright then. Well, guess I'll get into character.

Blah blah blah, obvious necromancer guy walks in. Sits next to the wet Harry Rotter and nods."

"Hey, how's it goin'?"

[Bayar]

IC: I see dead people. Or, to quote the raven...
Raven: Holy ****.

[chrono]

OOC: chrono totally ignores bayar and starts roleplaying:
IC:
As Drek hears the barkeep's words, he swipes loudly over the string of his lute a few times. The loudness and tonality are likely to attract everybody's attention:
Mannyyy have faaalen
and they can not get up
as the ale
was stale
and the quest was a trap!
The vertically-challenged bard looks around and continues.
You guys wanna hear the story of an epic adventure?

[chrono]

OOC: chrono totally ignores bayar and starts roleplaying:
IC:
As Drek hears the barkeep's words, he swipes loudly over the string of his lute a few times. The loudness and tonality are likely to attract everybody's attention:
Mannyyy have faaalen
and they can not get up
as the ale
was stale
and the quest was a trap!
The vertically-challenged bard looks around and continues.
You guys wanna hear the story of an epic adventure?

[The Necroswanso]

"Jericho gives Drek a very unhappy stare."

"No, for the love of everything good and delicious in the world, no."

[MrEdwardNigma]

Out-Game
"You guys, you do realise Harry Rotter is my player character, right? There's no need to be mean to him"

In-Game
Harry Rotter groans as the beer gets thrown on him.
"It's okay, I guess, you didn't mean to. Say, adventurer, have you heard of any good quests in the area? My name is Harry Rotter, the undead wizard, and I'm looking to destroy the army of the Orcs"
Harry extends a hand to John John. He also nods in a friendly manner to Jericho.
"I'm doing pretty well, the beer on my clothes is not so bad"

Some of the people in the inn look up expectantly at Drek.
"Yes, go on, tell us a story, halfling!" Bob the innkeeper yells.