Really Bad Superheroes

[Case]

My gaming group is about to start a Hero System game in which each one of us plays an inept lower powered superhero as in Mystery Men or The Tick. What I was wondering was if anybody else has ever played a game like this and what kind of heroes did you have.

Here are some current heroes as well as some possible future for those who want to read them:

The Disco Avenger: A funky 70's crime fighter who was cryogenically frozen by arch-nemesis the Punk Rocker. He uses armored leisure suits, his bulletproof afro, kung-fu skills, as well as his desperation attack the Disco Inferno.

Wombat Man: Think low-low-low budget Adam West style Batman. He also doesn't actually know what a wombat is, he just thinks its a type of Australian bat, so he speaks with a fake Australian accent and wears a Crocodile Dundee hat. He uses his knowledge of electronics and cheap flimsy materials to make all kinds of crime fighting equipment. Unfortunately all his equipment requires an activation roll every single time he uses it, which means he has a pretty good chance of it failing miserably.

The Mime: We have no idea what his background is. He's a telekinetic mime. He can't speak and in order to use his powers he has to mime it out, for example pulling at a bank robber he mimes a fishing pole and hooks him in the mouth and drags him along. He can also fly, but once again has to mime it out, as in climbing the rope, rowing the boat, driving the car, etc, etc. He also mimes himself into a box to give himself a force field.

Crotch Rocket: *sigh* He...has...rocket powered fists he shoots at people, and rocket assisted boots for kicking people. Major bonuses to called shots to the groin. He is a man who was driven insane after repeatedly sending in tapes of groin shots to America's Funniest Home Videos, and never getting a single one on the show.

Nine Iron: Think crime fighting Tiger Woods. That's pretty much it.

Shield: Kinda Captain America super soldier except that the drugs used had some bad side effects. He is actually about 75 to 80 years old, but still looks like he's 25, but he is 75 to 80 years old so he has bad hips a stiff back and arthritis. Also he has drug induced flash backs, not the war or anything, just him being five years old and losing his mommy in the mall, "Mommy? Where are you mommy?" in the middle of battle.

The Whaler: A man who, using superhuman strength, an armored yellow slicker, corn cob pipe, and possessed flying rowboat, has made it his mission to bring about the end to injustice and specifically the crime boss known as The Whale. The only problem is that The Whale is actually just a whale, albeit a super intelligent psychic whale bent on world domination. So absolutely nobody believes him and thinks he is crazy. He also has a high ability to grab the opponent and ride piggy back on them while hitting them with his magical harpoon.

The Wife Beater: He is just called this because of his uniform, which includes a wife beater shirt. He does however use The Pimping Hand of Justice, which gives him bonuses when attacking women. It really doesn't help that his girlfriend has the disadvantage of being very clumsy, so she actually does walk into doors and falls down stairs all the time.

The Dragon/Dragon Girl: Very animeish character. Is actually an extremely sexist male chauvinist pig, but due to an old chinese woman's curse turns into a female when splashed with cold water and into a male with warm water. Uses high levels of martial arts, and an energy blast called the Soulburn Blast. Oddly is convinced that the female form is weaker in a fight even though the female is actually alot stronger.

That's all I could think of off the top of my head, once again if you have played a game like this and would like to share your "heroes" feel free. I'll probably write about some of the villains also when I get a chance.

[Xuincherguixe]

I have a dumb villain concept if that counts.

Professor Lemon. Or it might have been Dr. Lemon. It doesn't matter.

He has a citrus squad, which is basically just some mooks dressed up in cheap costumes they rented.

Doesn't really have any powers, but he talks a bit tough before he gets beaten up.

[Learnedguy]

The Flasher
The Flasher is a mysterious man, who, during an unfortunate lab accident was driven mad, and now compulsively have to flash himself. In public places. Wearing nothing but his trench coat.

The Mystery Girl
The Mystery Girl is a nine foot tall superwoman who fights criminals while dressing like a hooker. The only mystery about her is if she has always been a mystery girl.

The Violinist from Hamel
A mysterious fighter of crime who dresses as if he was a wandering bard during the seventeenth century. He's utterly convinced that his music can soothe the wounded, confuse his enemies and rally his allies heroics. When he notices that nothing of this works, he's prone to berserkerish bouts of rage where he smashes everything in vicinity with his violin and sings Led Zeppelin songs were loudly. Out of tune.

The Catman
He's the male version of the Catwoman. Somehow he never really got popular...

[random11]

Nothing like a ridicules reality show for ridicules ideas.

I mean, "Fat Momma"? "Mr. Mitzvah"? No way I can beat that!

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Who_Wan...a_Superhero%3F

[Talic]

Health Feud: Overzealous Fitness Instructor. Can turn any processed food into all natural substances with a touch. (He's a bad guy. After all, Arsenic is all natural.)

The Shocker: Umm... Static electricity, yeah. that's it. Carpet shock ftw.

[Sstoopidtallkid]

The Shocker: Umm... Static electricity, yeah. that's it. Carpet shock ftw.

Oh no you didn't. You did not just say that.

Spoiler

Show

[Attilargh]

I was expecting a picture of Shocker the C-list Spider-Man villain who looks like a pineapple.

Despite that, he somehow manages to be pretty cool.

[Noir-Neko]

"Wetslap"

Working at the Fishmarket during the day, wetslap utilizes his proficient handling and nimbleness with throwing, tossing and swinging large fish (dead) to defeat his foes!



"Deadweight"

Deadweight is a monster of a man, spending his regular days on his computer couch playing three MMOs, blogging, and five IM conversations, at once. Make no mistake, his gift is not in his multitasking ability, but in his 600lb gut! Deadweight's skill is in immobilizing his foes, and... eating their food...



"Dander"

Dander's skill is in his everyday work, as a feline veterinarian. This gives him unpresadented power at hindering his foes helpless!!! . . . if their allergic to cats anyway...



"Redeye"

Redeye is an expert engineer, she reworked a fire extinguisher to deploy pepperspray!! Yeah thats about it.

[Talic]

Oddly enough, I liked Health Feud more. Thought it was funnier.

Also:

The Bobsey Triplets: Two in the Rink, One in the Drink. A duo of skaters, and a skier. One has killer skills with Ice Skate Blade Fighting, the second makes blizzards when she skates (but no resistance to the cold or winds; she lives in a parka), the third can control sharks while on water skis. Once a week, they meet up for Starbuck's, and to cackle over evil schemes.

Dr. Jackal and Mr. Hype: Think Don King meets a pansy version of Beast from X-men.

[DLoFunk]

My fave from Stephen Lynch:

Homeless Man: Fighting crime wherever he might be that day! "Superman can you drop me off?" "Where?" "Wherever...It's cool"

[Talic]

I don't think I'm allowed to post my favorite Stephen Lynch hero, so I'll go with my 2nd.

"Justice Man" - Guy obsessed with his ex-wife who left him for a doctor named Bob. Rather violent towards them both.

[MorkaisChosen]

Sir Digby Chicken Caeser.

Dun drun drun drun dedundun dun dun der-ner-ner-der-ner-ner-ner-der dun dun dun!

Look him up on Wikipedia... Quite similar to Homeless Man, really, but worse...

[The Faceless]

Collateral Damage Man: He's rather effective, just not useful in an urban environment or one with lots of civillians.

Good Hitler: Rather charming and a paragon of virtue. No-one ever wants to be saved by him though.

Potato Force 2000: They harness the power of potatoes. Unfortunately, this isn't that powerful, so they make up for it with numbers. Led by King Edward and his squad of elite Royal Jersies.

Captain Infomercial: He'll beat down evil in three easy installments with his Ginsu Knife of justice.

Captain Competent: Totally average at anything. Average fighter, average driver, but also average brain surgeon, average rocket scientist...

[Fhaolan]

I have a friend who told me about a character he rolled up with Marvel Superheroes. I've never played that particular game, so I'm not entirely sure how this works. In any case, he rolled some kind of shadowcasting ability, where he could manipulate the light levels in an area. Sounds kinda cool so far. Then he rolled the power level for it, and it was just barely enough to be able to dim the lights.

And that was it. Nothing else. No exceptional skills, other powers, etc. Rather than declaring the character a failure, he decided to use whatever cash the character had to by a walkman (this was many years ago, so that was the top tech commercially available), with a mini-speaker, and several tapes of easy-listening music.

Calling himself Mood Man, he was the bane (read irritant) of supervillanesses everywhere. He would dim the lights, put on the seductive music, and then fire off a bunch of pick-up lines....

Not a successful hero, really.

My own worst superhero character was Man-Man. He has split-personality disorder. That's it. Nothing else. Under stress, he would change personalities to whatever could deal with the situation. Wouldn't gain any powers, or even skills, but he *thought* he did.

[Mando Knight]

Captain Competent: Totally average at anything. Average fighter, average driver, but also average brain surgeon, average rocket scientist...

You mean he's Captain The Mario?

[Randel]

Some superhero/villain ideas:

The Yellow Jacket: A kind of wolverine parody. With an indestructium plated skeleton and healing powers bordering on immortality, he was quite a formidable fighter in his youth (really slim and quick, his yellow and black suit looking like a wasp). However, his regenerative powers got messed up as he got older and being repeatedly disintegrated/electrocuted/deboned/melted/etc have given him a misshapen gorilla-like appearance. His brain is now little more than a peanut-sized bit of nerve surrounded by brain-tumors and his claws no longer extend due to severe arthritis in his now-poisonous indestructium bone.

His current superpowers are pretty much gorilla-like strength, intelligence so limited as be able to piece through complicated illusions (coupled with his strong sense of smell to make him quite useful as a bloodhound) and being able to survive anything.


The witch of the east: An apprentise witch whop has very limited (if any) magical ability. However, she came into posessing an experimental type of seven-leage boots. Originally made of ruby-red silk, it was soon discovered that they are dangerous to use since taking a seven-league step could rip someone in half. However, she managed to get it outfitted with an indestructium shell (making them look like heavy-duty silver boots) and put an indestructium chain keeping the two boots together.

Her boots give her incredible jumping ability and she has learned to harness their power to deliver incredible kicks. (the force required to launch the wearer sever miles can also knock a hole in a wall or take someones head off). She uses her powers to intimidate the gangs on the east side, possibly using them to steal magic items for her.


Boxing-glove man: An inventor who developed a spring-loaded boxing glove that can punch people several feet away. He immediatly decided to become a supervillain, though he has yet to impress people who have heard of guns. He constantly invents new types of boxing-glove technology but nothing particularly useful.


Captain eyeball-hat: Actually a psychic alien from another dimension that looks like a jesters hat with six eyeball stalks. It traveled to earth and bonded with a nerdy guy who liked to juggle and tell jokes. The result is a mentally unstable person who can juggle almost anything, can mentally force people to laugh, and senses the presence of sentient minds. His high-energy metabolism requires that he eat lots of candy and his weakness is vegetables and people with no sense of humor.

[Starbuck_II]

Collateral Damage Man: He's rather effective, just not useful in an urban environment or one with lots of civillians.

He is my hero.

A Hero I once thought of:
Blue Lightning:
He can produce small electromagnetic fields (enough to EMP electrical objects he touches) and produce short burst of high powered electricity.
Drawback: never high five him (it could be that one time static electricity hits you) and his brown hair is afro-like. So never good with the ladies in non-super hero form.

I invented him while watching: Who wants to be a super hero.

[HoopyFrood]

Roll up a Disney Princess... who fights crime!

Using the power of spontaneous song, she calls the woodland creatures to her who help her attack her foes (and get dressed and make breakfast and clean the house and...)!

[evisiron]

Normal Man!

With his mid cost glasses and office shirt, he lacks any real powers. However, he is so normal that he drains the super abilities from anyone in a 100 yard radius.

[Roderick_BR]

Wombat Man: Think low-low-low budget Adam West style Batman. He also doesn't actually know what a wombat is, he just thinks its a type of Australian bat, so he speaks with a fake Australian accent and wears a Crocodile Dundee hat. He uses his knowledge of electronics and cheap flimsy materials to make all kinds of crime fighting equipment. Unfortunately all his equipment requires an activation roll every single time he uses it, which means he has a pretty good chance of it failing miserably.

You mean a Batman parody like this? XD http://theinsaneasylum.com/miscellan...ledermaus.html

The Mime: We have no idea what his background is. He's a telekinetic mime. He can't speak and in order to use his powers he has to mime it out, for example pulling at a bank robber he mimes a fishing pole and hooks him in the mouth and drags him along. He can also fly, but once again has to mime it out, as in climbing the rope, rowing the boat, driving the car, etc, etc. He also mimes himself into a box to give himself a force field.

That's actually quite cool.

The Catman
He's the male version of the Catwoman. Somehow he never really got popular...

The bad part, he already exists http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Catman_(comics)
He tried to partner up with Catwoman that turned him down. After a while he gave up and lived in Africa or something for years, then was invited to join a group of super villains, and people found him to be surprisingly effective, almost Batman-like.

[Ellisar]

I submit to you, the guide on how to how to fail as a super!

You should also take a look at some of the other archives in there, they are pretty funny.

[TehJhu]

We had a superhero team for awhile of losers called "The Z-Force"

I-Know-What-You're-Going-To-Do-And-When-You're-Going-To-Do-It Man was the leader of the group. He literally knew what everyone was going to do and when they'd do it. This made him a very depressed and lonely person. He sat around wearing boxers watching movies he knew the ending to, drinking beer and writing "I Know" on himself with a sharpie. He'd tell the other members to go out and fight and wether or not they'd win.

Delayed-Reaction Man was a scrawny, pale fellow who wore red tights, football shoulderpads and a spiked helmet. Any wounds inflicted on him would not actually affect him for an amount of time directly related to how bad they were. For example, if someone punched him in the teeth, he'd be fine for about two or three minutes, and then suddenly rock his head back and start bleeding and crying. If he was shot eight times in the chest he'd go to the hospital and get all the paperwork done so that after a week he could have insant care when his chest exploded.

The Sloth was the unholy union of man and sloth.... he was really slow.

Vibe was a stoner hippy who never wore shoes. Via intense concentration he could make people feel either slightly better (good vibes) or sort of depressed (bad vibes). If he attempted to keep the vibes going for more than a few minutes, or to have a stronger effect, he suffered severe anuresims.

Stab Man was a cloaked and hooded badass who always spoke in hushed tones and was very serious. He could throw a knife with perfect accuracy over several footballfields and hit a bug on a crack with his eyes closed... but he could never stick with the blade, the knives always hit butt first.

Barnacle-Man stuck to things. Especially when he got scared.

[nosignal]

Come on, where's Captain Obvious?

[Jayabalard]

The foreigner belt from athf would be right at home in that sort of campaign.

Cohen the barbarian would probably be good inspiration as well.

[Farmer42]

They haven't updated in a while but: http://octavirate.com/comics.php?s=9&c=1
is a good source of pun-y characters.

As was mentioned, Stephen Lynch's song, Superhero has some really bat, yet strangely compelling ideas, most of which aren't allowed to be named here/in public/outside of a confessional booth, apologizing profusely and begging forgiveness for having uttered them. But that's true for most of his songs. And that's why he's awesome. Says my inner 12 year old, so you know it's true!

[Collin152]

Normal Man!

With his mid cost glasses and office shirt, he lacks any real powers. However, he is so normal that he drains the super abilities from anyone in a 100 yard radius.

Person Man,
Person Man.
Hit on the head witha frying pan,
Lives his life in a garbage can,
Person Man,
Is he depressed?
Or is he a mess?
Does he feel totally worthless?
Who came up with Person Man?
Degraded man, Person Man.

[Mewtarthio]

The Mysterious Stranger

Vague and cryptic, the Mysterious Stranger occasionally appears to deliver advice to other heroes. He has two powers: Teleportation (but only when no one's watching) and complete and utter omniscience. Unfortunately, his vast knowledge has warped his brain so that his thought processes are completely alien: All advice he attempts to give comes out vague and unhelpful, and can only be decyphered after the fact.

[MisterSaturnine]

Mister Midnight is immortal, with one flaw--he only exists from 11:59 PM to 12:01 AM in the morning. He has lived for centuries, though has not been able to exist long enough each day to accomplish anything.

[Wooter]

The Bow Wow Boom. He has the ability to use puppies as explosive devices, throwing them like grenades. He's great at stopping villians, but for some reason, people don't like him.

[drengnikrafe]

Fake Man!
Has about 10000 ranks in bluff, so everybody (including his nemisis) is pretty sure he's a superhero. In reality, has no special skills.
...
Yup