Adventuring 101: Part 1 - Around The World In...We'll Decide Later.

[Helepolis]

Panitari brightens. "I can handle uncertainty...anything is better then this. Is this a solo job?"

[Meek]

"No, actually. I'm supposed to be looking for more people. But I decided instead I would come here and get drunk. With that dashed away from me...I decided to look for more people again."

She stands up and says aloud, "Any adventurers of a half-decent level that want to work for somebody rich, famous and currently crippled?"

Instantly, a goblin stands on a table, saying "I'm a Truenamer! 5th level!"

Argea throws her glass at it, striking it in the chin. It sits back down, weeping. "Truenamer? For the love of crap! Nobody sane levels in that! Anyone else?"

[Helepolis]

Panitari smiles. "Well, while I hate to interrupt what is obviously going to be a masterful tirade, do you want me to wait here, or is there somewhere else I can go to wait for the rest of what will undoubtably prove a motley crew of adventurers?"

[Lepre_Khan]

Yes, it's been nearly...

Linkely chokes on a verbal pretzel as he realizes what Duorn just did. Raising an eyebrow, he attempts to regain some measure of dignity, "Oh, it wasn't that long, sir. You still look very fearsome. I don't suppose you'd let me journey with you? Learning the tricks of the trade from one such as yourself would be an honor."

Admiring himself for his slickness, Richard begins to approach the door, "I'll tell you what, let's discuss it over an ale at the local tavern. It seems the traditional thing to do, right?"

[Meek]

"We'll wait right here!" Argea declares.

She pulls out a bag of holding, that you were sure you hadn't seen on her before. Perhaps due to lazy item management. Regardless, Argea reaches into this bag, and begins to pull something out of it. Something large. At first you see a backside with a pig's tail, covered in fur, with one thick, bear-like leg and a goat's thin, cloven leg sharing the same rear end. Then the other half comes out – and it's as though a gerbil had been pounded repeatedly with a hammer until its face resembled a hog's, but also a hyena's. By whatever feat of creation, the animal that comes out, with a front leg like a lion and another with a talon, atrophied wings coming out of its neck and dangling like ears, strikes you as something that no official monster manual could ever even approximate.

And this something licks Argea's hand lovingly.

"This is my gurblegurb, George. He is quite smart you know. At one point he even ran for Prime Minister of Roma, but they couldn't handle his revolutionary ideas." She says proudly, "He can sniff a competent adventurer from a mile away. And can violently drag them the whole mile too."

Panitari, George smells rather bad to you. He smells like the Kriek Animated Object Railway tracks. Yes, indeed – he smells like railroading.

[Helepolis]

Panitari coughs politely into her hand, trying to avoid inhaling through her nose, due to the awful stench of railroading gurblegurb. "That is quite the talent...".

She then sits back, waiting for this creature to do it's thing.

[Djinn_in_Tonic]

"That may not be as good a plan as you think it is, lad. You've never been to the Dancing Bugbear, have you? It's...well...look at it this way. It rolled all ones on the random tavern table. You're in for quite a treat."

"Follow me."

Bryant Duorn leads Richard through the streets, pointing out the people of the town and telling small anecdotes about each one until they reach the door of the Dancing Bugbear. Here he cracks open the door, glances inside, and then swings it open and beckons for Richard to follow him inside.

"We're lucky. The cloaked man in the corner isn't here today, so we'll have a chance to get a drink without being irritated by requests to go to obscure places at midnight. You have no idea how annoying that can get. And a bit of free advice...if you want a drink here, go up and get it yourself, unless you don't like your clothes much. Amelia Butterfeet is a nice girl, but a little unsteady."

[Flame_Excess]

Spoiler

Show

I don't mind if you do my rolls.

Spoiler

Show

[roll]1d20+5[/roll]

EDIT: Something's wrong. What is it?

[Djinn_in_Tonic]

Spoiler

Show

--Never mind. Apparently I was wrong. I don't know what the matter is, as my test didn't show what I thought it should have.--

---

* post roll count doesn't match database

[Meek]

Spoiler

Show

To be honest I hate the GITP roller, I find it horribly wonky. If you want a better roller: http://invisiblecastle.com/roller/ and then post the link back here in your post, along with your results written down, as I said in the sixteen questions. The format is: [Action]: [Roll Result] + [Modifier] = [Total]. I will for example roll for you right now then.

Sleight of Hand: 12 + 5 = 17

http://invisiblecastle.com/roller/view/1599793/

I don't know if I interpreted your post correctly (it was kind of vague, but you mentioned looking at her swords, so I figure since that's still subject object, that's what you're grabbing...).

But anyway, based on that result...

The girl notices you trying to grab the sword from the corner of her eye. She takes a step forward, just in time for the handle to be out of your reach. In one fluid motion, she turns, draws sword and strikes you dead between the eyes with the flat of the blade. Thanks to Iajutsu bonus dice, take 20 nonlethal.

She then points the sword edge at you. She looks positively furious.

"What do you think you are doing, CITIZEN?" She says, apparently making quite sure you realize the difference between that and comrade, "Have you fallen off a tree and scrambled your brains? Or do you like a nice, cold stay in jail?"

Minerva speaks up from the counter, "He's just walked in here acting like a lunatic, talking about Wild Empathy checks, and wanting to know what we have in the restricted areas of the building, and asking for Sexy Magazines."

"Ah," The officer girl says, "Guess we can add Disruption of Public Service and Espionage to the list of your crimes. But since I'm a just person, I'm going to give you a single round to convince me that you are not meant to be tossed in a cold cell for a few weeks. Talking is a free action son, I suggest you take it."

Spoiler

Show

Just wanted you to know Flame, that I believe I warned before about wacky shenanigans and how the NPCs might take them, hence why I took this measure currently. Especially in a government office, that kind of crazyness, while humorous, isn't going to fly. It was all fine and good for a while...but then this thing with the swords. Now you look like an off-your-rocker terrorist. The rest of the stuff just made you look like a funny confused guy, but reason me this – would you try to grab a cop's gun or tazer? Or if I interpreted your posts wrong, and you're actually taking out your own sword...that's pretty much just as bad.

Now, I don't want to look like the bad guy here, or look like I've got it out for you Flame. I really don't have it out for anyone. I'm unbiased as they come. But this is one of those things I explicitly warned against, because this is the kind of thinking (It's a comedy game so I can be whacky and crazy and illogical!) that can ruin the experience for everyone. If the other PCs had been associated with you at this time, it could've led to either party conflict, or their being accomplices in your (in the government's eyes) crazy scheme to murder an officer or whatever.

[Flame_Excess]

Fhil's look is empty. He glares at the sword pointed on him.

It’s the first time that I enter in a city building.

Spoiler

Show

It’s true so no bluff attempt is made. It’s not the first time that Fhil enters a city, though.

A ‘bureaucratic institution’ apparently is the worst place among all others to break the convention. I’d rather leave instead of causing any trouble without willing to. Only if I do so I worry that I will never be able to save my tribe from eradication.

Spoiler

Show

You may put me in jail, Meek. It will only be fair enough, I am well aware of this. I just wanted to abuse of my character’s ignorance, especially for such an odd experience to enter a government office when he has strictly no clue in about the civil laws.

[Lepre_Khan]

Richard followed the warrior into the Dancing Bugbear, quite a bit more nervous now than he had been when he first proposed the change of scenery. Taverns in poems seemed far more warm and cozy, this was downright seedy.

This was most certainly not a place that would be approved of by Mother.

That was a comforting thought.

"Right, you grab us some seats and I'll get the drinks? What would you like?"

Richard had obviously not yet noticed the famous (and beautiful) editor and the young girl. His reaction would have been far more...intense...if he had.

[Meek]

The Martial Justice officer raises an eyebrow, and lowers her sword.

"So you're some kind of woodland hippie? Didn't think any of them were left. Look 'ere son. Here's some pointers – don't go acting out unless you're friends with people or they'll think you're creepy. Here–"

She takes a book out of her cloak (you have no idea from where) and hands it to you. It reads "Laws and Conventions of Paradiso" and it's by Karin Apuleius.

"Offers a +10 circumstance bonus to Knowledge: Law and to Common Sense checks." She says. "My name's Teletha Ironheart, and I'll let you go for now, but keep the shenanigans to a minimum. People will think you have 5 wisdom or something."

She turns around and leaves.

Minerva remains in her counter, toying with her antennae.

* * *

As Bryant Duorn and Richard Linkely enter the building, the Gurblegurb raises its head and goes positively crazy. It begins running around in circles, as though chasing its own bloated rear end, before raising its head in a howl and charging towards Bryant. It leaps, and tackles him to the ground, licking his face repeatedly. Its tongue is the shape of a jellyfish. Somehow.

"Ah ha! It caught an adventurer!"

The goblin in the back of the bar looks positively dejected.

Argea quickly rises to a stand and approaches Duorn and Linkely. "Looks like I roped two more adventurers here! It's almost a whole party! Panitari dear, come over!" She looks rather excited. "I love it when George is so happy. Anyway – how would the two of you like work? Don't worry, it involves considerably less gurblegurb licking than this."

She says this as the Gurblegurb continues its machine-gun jellyfish licking of Bryant's face.

Spoiler

Show

I figured you can't beat a 28 strength check .

[Helepolis]

Panitari stands, and walks over. "Excellent...2 more"

She inclines her head in greeting to the both of them.

[Flame_Excess]

Fhil notices the woman playing with her antennaes and automatically starts looking in the manual to see if there is something to know on how to approach a government receptionist and not look like a low charisma lunatic.

He flips the pages ferociously and is very attentive for images.

[Lepre_Khan]

Stunned by both the beautiful (and sexy) editor and the ugly (and smelly) gurblegurb (Richard wasn't sure which had the larger impact) the poet, using his full poetical prowess and master over words, "Uh..umm...of course Ms. Clamington!"

[Meek]

Fhil, the book has some choice things to say about Kriek receptionists, in the words of Karin Apuleius:

"Receptionists for Kriek government offices expect an impressive level of detail for their help. It is almost better to ask the locals whatever it is you need than it is to ask a Receptionist from a Government Office. If you do require certain services that locals cannot provide (such as Euthanasia) then you should be ready to give your name, age, address (if any), place of birth, exact query in a succinct fashion (no maybes, or buts; act like you are completely sure) and maybe give a small vegetable as a gift."

* * *

Smiling, Argea whistles for her Gurblegurb to get off Bryant. "Well, that's one! Now that you can speak, what do you say, sir?" She asks him.

[Djinn_in_Tonic]

Bryant Duorn stands up and whips his face off on his shirtsleeve. For the first time he appears rather put out.

"Madam, when I arrived here I specifically checked to ensure that no men were lurking in corners, and no obviously inhuman visitors haunted the counter. There is no magical cataclysm approaching, and no goblin tribe within miles of town. Yet still I get offered work by people in taverns. I'm ninety-eight! Is "adventurer" written all over my face?"

"I'll give you two rounds to convince me that this isn't something ridiculous. Beginning now."

[Flame_Excess]

...oh! won't work I don't have any vegeta-...

Fhil looks completely lost.

...this is way off topic. Actually, the whole book sounds totally random. I guess I won't need it.

Fhil moves to the counter.

Its author must have a lot of time to waste. Do you know who in this world is...?

Fhil looks on the cover of the book.

...Karin...Apulei...us?

Fhil judges Minerva's reaction and then understands his lesson:

...or should I ask the locals...? Yes, that's what I'll do.

Spoiler

Show

So, unless she has anything to say, that's what I'll do.

[Lepre_Khan]

Horrified by the reaction of the somewhat Legendary Warrior to the very Legendary Editor, Richard attempts to intervene."I'm sorry Ms. Clamington, he must not have recognized you."

Attempting to pull Duorn to the side, Richard whispers into his ear, "That's Argea Clamington, arguably the fourth richest character in the game. She's the editor of Karin Apuleius. THE Karin Apuleius."

Pulling out his copy of 'Sexy Writer Magazine', Linkely shoves it into Bryants hands.

"This Karin Apuleius. She's written more books than anyone else, the Great Author of Our Age. My counterpart, you see. In both looks, brains, and talents. She just has to meet me, it will be marvellous. Sparks will fly, I can guarantee a natural 20 on our love at first site checks..."

Trailing off, Richard realizes he's getting somewhat off topic and into his own private little fantasy that the world isn't quite ready to deal with. He lamely ends, "Anyway, she's very important and very rich. Her quest has to be important for us, maybe saving the world or even...dare I say it? Helping with Karin's new novel."

Moonstruck and doe-eyed are somewhat standard descriptions of young folk in idealized love. Looking at Richard, a writer of no particular talent may use such cliches. However, the writer would be wrong. Richard was far beyond innocent love, nearly into the 'creepy stalker' camp. The more accurate description for a man in Richard's shoes would be something along the lines of "moon-eyed and doestruck" with a smattering of "lunacy" and an unhealthy dollop of "unholy lust(love) glinting in his eye".

[Meek]

Argea notices Richard's reaction and looks light-heartedly amused.

"Well sir," She begins, addressing Duorn, "I can see that you are a great man of our age! And perhaps one or two previous ages. I can't guarantee exactly what kind of work Karin needs done, but she's writing a new book, and her adventuring tends to end up being quite grandiose. She once defeated the great Ogre King Galmarol because she wanted to study a wiffleduff. That he wore as a hat. Karin herself might not understand it, but pretty much every book she writes ends up to the benefit of the world at large." She smiles as though recalling what Karin has done so far, "Anyway, right now, she has both her legs broken, a mithral rod in her spine, and a cast in her arm so thick she can only move her thumb. I suspect whatever she does will likely depend– well, no, it'll WHOLLY depend, upon your cooperation. Think about it. Another big adventure to seal the deal huh?"

"Also, there'll be loot involved." She adds afterwards. You get the feeling she thinks that is the convincing part.

* * *

Fhil, the townspeople all direct you to the large cottage up in the North, but also advise you not to get close uninvited, as Karin Apuleius owns a crazy gurblegurb that is trained to sniff out adventurers. Instead, most people you ask advise that you wait around near the cottage area for anyone who DOES have an invitation, and try to get them to let you join their entourage.

[Flame_Excess]

Fhil still has his Law book in hand. He first thought about leaving it at Minerva's counter but he wanted more to leave as soon as possible the debilitating professionalism found in the government office. At last, he is speaking with someone more jovial than the previous ones.

Why are you directing me up north? I didn't ask for directions. Wait! Is a gurgleburb like a wolf pet? It must be really fun to play with!

On these words, Fhil heads to the cottage, full of energy.

[Meek]

The people you talked to all had the same response to that Fhil:

"The only reason we see knuckleheads like you here is 'cause of Karin Apuleius. So hurry up and bother her and not us!"

As you head up north, you see Gnomes flying around strapped to kites, riding the wind. Many of them spontaneously burst into flames and crash into the ground, but this seems a normal occurrence, as people clap whenever it happens. You find a tall staircase like the one that led you into Yawnsburg to start with, but this one leads to Karin's cottage. And beyond – to the opposing peak.

[Flame_Excess]

Fhil climbs up the stairs, vigilant to any movement.

Spoiler

Show

Listen check, therefore moving half speed, (as if it matters.)
[Action]: [roll] 1d20+4= (By the way, what's missing?)

Gah... Listen check on Invisible Castle...and now the link insertion isn't working properly!
Gah...http://invisiblecastle.com/roller/view/1601824/

[Djinn_in_Tonic]

Bryant listens to the speech rather half-heartedly, although he does wince visibly at the description of Karin's current condition. When Ms. Clamington mentions loot, however, he straightens up, giving her a very cross glare indeed.

"Ms. Clamington, and you not only ask me to assist you, but you pratically take it for granted! Then, as if that weren't enough, you seem to be implying that the prospect of looting and thievery will draw my attention and seal the bargain. I must say I am rather insulted. I consider myself an easy-going man, Ms. Clamington, but I do not appreciate someone besmirching my honor in such a manner."

"Now if you'll excuse me, I'm going up to speak with Ms. Apuleius about this particular occurrence. Perhaps you will learn to be more cordial in the future."

With that, Bryant Duorn stands up, turns around, and begins heading towards the house of Karin Apuleius.

Spoiler

Show

Yeah...sorry to delay the beginning with this sort of action, but you did hit on one of those little things that bugs him. I think it'll work out though, as he's headed towards Karin anyway.

[Meek]

You see nothing up there at first Fhil, and hear nothing but the mountain breeze and a few birds, and exploding Gnomes. You stop fifteen steps from Karin's cottage. You see the columns stretching down your left flank, dug into the slope, holding up the patched wooden floor. You also note one column has a face and is made of steel. It is a warforged column.

It produces a small arm, and waves happily. "Hi there!"

* * *

Spoiler

Show

Oh snap, ninja'd. Adding this on for Bryant.

Argea looks even more amused. "Ah, sorry, sorry. I had no idea you were so...interesting. Seems we're all headed in the same direction then! Works for me regardless."

Almost reflexively she takes Panitari's hand. "Come dear! Don't get lost now."

She then whistles for the Gurblegurb to follow, and leads on to Karin's cottage, with the beast trailing behind with its jellyfish tongue hanging. It sniffs Richard every once in a while, then draws back, and moves its mouth like it was tasting the smell.

[Helepolis]

Panitari sighs, and follows along, hand in hand with Argea, not caring enough to pull her hand away, and realising that this basically ensures her safety from the weirdness of the town (other then Argea herself, obviously), for the time being.

[Flame_Excess]

A variety of questions swiftly make their way to Fhil's brain: Who are you? What are you? Am I invited afterall? Where is the burblegurg? Why do people here encourage kids to play with kites and fire? But in the end, he speaks with most reluctant serenity to the arm:

Hi, are you Karin?

Fhil is confused, although he tries not to show it. He would appreciate much to look for information on this cottage and this unusual arm-speaking-column in the book he still has in hand. But that would mean Fhil would have to lower his sight to read and he despised that idea above all else.

[Meek]

The warforged column replies, "Nope! I'm Kakarooke! I help hold up this house. I also talk to birds, I took some Druid class levels just for that! It's quite amazing. Karin is the purplish-haired girl with the glasses, also noticeable now due to the wheelchair and massive amounts of plaster! She is upstairs, but not seeing anybody right now."

[Flame_Excess]

Well I wasn't here to see her anyway because only one person might help me out and that person is very special. She's very sexy... So you can keep on talking to your birds, and I'll be on my way.