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  1. - Top - End - #1
    Ettin in the Playground
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    Default Zombies unfit for thriller(PEACH)

    Created through a combination of unholy magic and dangerous science, These undead are the work of a late necromancer, when his life was taken his notes were taken by a group of evil wizards, who killed each other through trechary, their spells and notes taken and copied, until many bacame commonplace

    Ribwalker
    This abomination looks like a thin, bone white scorpeon, it's head is a humanoid skull with two red glowing balls for eyes, it's body a spine, it walks on it's long, flexible ribs.

    Ribwalkers are undead who's form had been specially warped and changed before being re-animated(though some necromancers swear that the best ribwalkers come from those who were warped while alive), the ribs have become more flexible for movement, and harder on the tips for durability. Their tailbones were sharpened and elongated to a sting, with the appendix hallowed and fitted and attached to the inner side to hold poison. Their heads became slightly elongated and animalistic, holding two glowing eyes pumped with negative energy and a combination of chemicals and herbs to serve as their masters vision.

    Due to their size and vision they frequently serve as the eyes to necromancers in the wilderness, observing any fool entering their territory.

    Ribwalker template:

    Size and Type:
    The creature’s type changes to undead. It retains any subtype except for alignment subtypes (such as good) and subtypes that indicate kind. It becomes one size catagory smaller. It does not gain the augmented subtype. It uses all the base creature’s statistics and special abilities except as noted here.

    Speed:
    Wings are removed during creation so there is no flight speed. Due to having many flexible legs base land speed doubles.

    Attacks:
    Any attacks that require hands are removed, Ribwalkers gain a sting on their tails, which does 1d6 points of damage, ribwalkers also have poison which does 1d4 initial CON damage and 2d2 secondary CON damage upon failing a DC15 fortitude save , Ribwalkers also have enlongated fangs which do 2d2 points of damage, finally, Ribwalkers can shoot another poison from their eyes this poison can be shot up to 25 feet in length but must contact bare skin and the target must fail a DC15 fortitude save to work, eye poison does 1d4 DEX initially and 1d2 DEX damage as secondary damage, this poison contains negative energy and is so considered to be evil aligned for the purpose of overcoming damage reduction.

    Special Attacks:
    A Ribwalker retains none of the base creature’s special attacks.

    Special Qualities:
    A Ribwalker loses all special qualities of the base creature.

    Magic eyes
    A Ribwalker can always take ten on spot and search checks and has a +6 bonus on spot and search checks, the Ribwalkers creator can see everything the Ribwalker see's.

    Immunity to Cold (Ex)
    Ribwalkers are not affected by cold.

    Damage Reduction (Ex)
    A Ribwalker has damage deduction 5/bludgeoning. Ribwalkers lack flesh or internal organs, As well as having their form twisted and eyes warped by negative energy.

    Saves:
    No good saves, all saves have poor progression (as commoner). Ribwalkers have a +2 racial bonus to Will saves.

    Abilities:
    A Ribwalkers Dexterity increases by +8, it has no Constitution or Intelligence score, its Wisdom changes to 10, and its Charisma changes to 1.

    Skills:
    Ribwalkers have no skills.

    Feats:
    A Ribwalker loses all feats of the base creature and gains Improved Initiative.

    Environment:
    Any, usually same as base creature.

    Organization:
    Same as creator.

    Challenge Rating:
    Depends on Hit Dice. Use the zombie table and add one to each.

    Treasure:
    Most ribwalkers have no treasure, but some have a ring or two on their ribs or a necklace twined around the tail.

    Alignment:
    Always neutral evil.

    Advancement:
    As base creature (or — if the base creature advances by character class).

    Level Adjustment:
    Ribwalkers are unfit for play and have no level adjustment.

    Creating a Ribwalker
    Creation of a Ribwalker requires animate dead, however before the corpse is animated the corpse(or living victim) must have had several chemical treatments to the eyes and appendix with materials costing 75gp. These treatments require one hour of preparation and another four hours of actual work.



    Spineflyer
    This abomination looks like a segmented, gristly white winged snake, it's head is a humanoid skull with two red glowing balls for eyes, it's body a spine, it slithers across the earth towards you, stops, and unfurls two leathery, slightly cracked wings and lunges through the air at you.

    Spineflyer are undead who's form had been specially warped and changed before being re-animated(though some necromancers swear that the best spineflyers come from those who were warped while alive), all bones aside from the skull, spine, wingbones and tailbones have been removed to make it lighter and more agile in the air. Their tailbones were sharpened and elongated to a sting, with the appendix hallowed and fitted and attached to the inner side to hold poison. Their heads became slightly elongated and hawklike, several teeth bunched together and fused to a tearing beak, holding two glowing eyes pumped with negative energy and a combination of chemicals and herbs to serve as their masters vision.

    Due to their size and vision they frequently serve as the eyes to necromancers in the wilderness, observing any fool entering their territory.
    Spineflyer template:

    Size and Type:
    The creature’s type changes to undead. It retains any subtype except for alignment subtypes (such as good) and subtypes that indicate kind. It becomes one size category smaller. It does not gain the augmented subtype. It uses all the base creature’s statistics and special abilities except as noted here.

    Speed:
    Due to specialy treated wingbones and having all but essential bones removed they gain a fly speed of 50ft.(good)

    Attacks:
    Any attacks that require hands are removed, Spineflyers gain a sting on their tails, which does 1d6 points of damage, Spineflyers also have poison which does 1d4 initial CON damage and 1d6 secondary CON damage upon failing a DC15 fortitude save , Spineflyers also have elongated fangs which do 1d6 points of damage, finally, Spineflyers can shoot another poison from their eyes this poison can be shot up to 25 feet in length but must contact bare skin and the target must fail a DC15 fortitude save to work, eye poison does 1d4 DEX initially and 1d6 DEX damage as secondary damage.

    Special Attacks:
    A Spineflyer retains none of the base creature’s special attacks.

    Special Qualities:
    A Spineflyer loses all special qualities of the base creature.

    Magic eyes
    A Spineflyer can always take ten on spot and search checks and has a +6 bonus on spot and search checks and have darkvision out to 60ft. , the Spineflyers creator can see everything the Spineflyers see's.

    Immunity to Cold (Ex)
    Spineflyers are not affected by cold.

    Damage Reduction (Ex)
    A Spineflyers has damage deduction 5/bludgeoning. Spineflyers lack flesh or internal organs, As well as having their form twisted and eyes warped by negative energy.

    Saves:
    No good saves, all saves have poor progression (as commoner). Spineflyers have a +2 racial bonus to Will saves.

    Abilities:
    A Spineflyers Dexterity increases by +10, it has no Constitution or Intelligence score, its Wisdom changes to 12, and its Charisma changes to 1.

    Skills:
    Spineflyers have no skills.

    Feats:
    A Spineflyers loses all feats of the base creature and gains Improved Initiative.

    Environment:
    Any, usually same as base creature.

    Organization:
    Same as creator.

    Challenge Rating:
    Depends on Hit Dice. Use the zombie table and add one to each.

    Treasure:
    Most Spineflyers have no treasure, but some have a necklace twined around the tail.

    Alignment:
    Always neutral evil.

    Advancement:
    As base creature (or — if the base creature advances by character class).

    Level Adjustment:
    Spineflyers are unfit for play and have no level adjustment.

    Creating a Spineflyers
    Creation of a Spineflyer requires animate dead, however before the corpse is animated the corpse(or living victim) must have had several chemical treatments to the eyes and appendix with materials costing 100gp. These treatments require one hour of preparation and another four hours of actual work. Base creatures must have wings.

    Bloated mistsprayer

    Bloated mistsprayers are corpses reanimated through a combination of dark, sinister magic and dangerous chemicals.

    Because of their utter lack of intelligence, the instructions given to a newly created Mistsprayer must be very simple.

    This is an acquired template that can be added to any corporeal creature (other than an undead) that has a skeletal system (referred to hereafter as the base creature).

    Size and Type:
    The creature’s type changes to undead. It retains any subtypes except alignment subtypes and subtypes that indicate kind. It does not gain the augmented subtype. It uses all the base creature’s statistics and special abilities except as noted here.

    Size is increased by one category and weight is doubled due to being pumped with parious poisons and harmful chemicals.

    Hit Dice:
    Drop any Hit Dice from class levels (to a minimum of 1), double the number of Hit Dice left, and raise them to d12s. If the base creature has more than 10 Hit Dice (not counting those gained with experience), it can’t be made into a Mistsprayer with the animate dead spell.

    Speed:
    The base creature becomes too bloated to fly, reduce speed to half.

    Armor Class:
    See zombie entry.

    Base Attack:
    A zombie has a base attack bonus equal to ½ its Hit Dice.

    Attacks:
    A Bloated mistsprayer looses all breath weapons, they keep all other natural weapons, manufactured weapon attacks, and weapon proficiencies of the base creature. A Bloated Mistsprayers also gains a slam attack(see zombie entry for slam damage).

    Special Attacks:
    Bloated Mistsprayers retain none of the base creature’s special attacks. It gains the following attacks

    Poison mist:
    Bloated mistsprayers can spray a 40ft. cone of poisonous gas, this gas causes 1d6 initial damage and 1d4 CON damage each round, to avoid this you must make a DC17 Fortitude save.

    Acid spit:
    The bloated mistsprayer spits a 10ft. cone of acid Dealing 1d8 damage per round for 1d4 rounds.

    Explode:
    When killed with slashing or piercing damage a Bloated Mistsprayers contents explode, automatically hitting anyone within a twenty foot area, doing 1d8 damage for 1d2 rounds in acid damage.


    Special Qualities:
    Bloated Mistsprayers lose most special qualities of the base creature. It retains any extraordinary special qualities that improve its melee or ranged attacks. A Bloated mistsprayer gains the following special quality.

    Single Actions Only (Ex):
    A bloated mistsprayer has poor reflexes and can perform only a single move action or attack action each round. A zombie can move up to its speed and attack in the same round, but only if it attempts a charge.

    Saves:
    Base save bonuses are Fort +1/3 HD, Ref +1/3 HD, and Will +½ HD + 2.
    Abilities

    A Bloated Mistsprayers Strength increases by +4, its Dexterity decreases by 2, it has no Constitution or Intelligence score, its Wisdom changes to 10, and its Charisma changes to 1.

    Skills:
    A zombie has no skills.

    Feats:
    A zombie loses all feats of the base creature and gains Toughness.

    Environment:
    Any land and underground.

    Organization:
    Any.

    Challenge Rating:
    Treat as a zombie +2

    Treasure:
    None.

    Alignment:
    Always neutral evil.

    Advancement:
    As base creature, but double Hit Dice (maximum 20), or — if the base creature advances by character class.

    Level Adjustment:
    —.

    Creating A Bloated Mistsprayer
    Creating a bloated mistsprayer requires an intact corpse with no holes, casting mending on wounds is suitable.

    250gp worth of chemicals, poisons, and acids are needed to give the Bloated Mistsprayer its charistedistic abilities and the ability to endure carrying the corrosive materials.

    A lab stocked with relatively clean tools is required.

    Finally, you must spend six hours readying the corpse, one hour preparation and five actual work, and the casting of animate dead.

    Creatures coming soon:steelbones, flamebreath dead, fleshrender zombie, and braincrawler.
    Last edited by Jayngfet; 2008-06-23 at 06:32 PM.

  2. - Top - End - #2
    Ogre in the Playground
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    Default Re: Zombies unfit for thriller(PEACH)

    The title should be "Ribwalker" rather than "Ribwailker" A few comments:

    Why the DR 5/evil ?


    As to the CR, it looks slightly harder than a zombie due to the special attacks I'd say CR should be something like 1 more than a zombie of the equivalent creature.

  3. - Top - End - #3
    Ettin in the Playground
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    Default Re: Zombies unfit for thriller(PEACH)

    Quote Originally Posted by JoshuaZ View Post
    The title should be "Ribwalker" rather than "Ribwailker" A few comments:

    Why the DR 5/evil ?


    As to the CR, it looks slightly harder than a zombie due to the special attacks I'd say CR should be something like 1 more than a zombie of the equivalent creature.
    I'm using a new keyboard so there are a few typo's.

    Ribwalkers are pumped full of negative energy to the point where they have a glow and their eyes can poison you, some demons aren't even that evil

    Changed the CR.

  4. - Top - End - #4
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    Default Re: Zombies unfit for thriller(PEACH)

    Aside from errors and benefiting from some conciseness, there isn't alot that needs fixing here.

    Some points:

    1) Why does the size decrease? I mean, its not counter-intuitive, but it is un-necessary. Note that the skeleton template doesn't change size.

    2) While I can understand where you are coming from with the wing removal, you may want to keep them. As a flying insect-skeleton-thing would be fairly cool. Perhaps not though.

    3) I'd have it lose its extraodinary qualities as well, considering the creature is getting a huge physical change. You can't rend if you don't have the same appendages, etc.

    4) DR should simply be 5/blugeoning. The DR 5/Good (which is what I assume you meant, as it being vulnerable to evil attacks would be totally non-sensical) is not needed and is just clutter IMO.

    5) Save entry should simply say "No good saves." meaning, all saves have poor progression (as commoner). Then say that it has a +2 racial bonus to Will saves.

    6) Abilities should read "ribwalker" not "skeleton". Otherwise fine.

    7) Level adjustment is simply "-", meaning that it is not appropriate to use as a player character. Which is obviously the case, as it has no Int score, ability to speak, or hands...

    EDIT: I somehow missed the mess of the attack entry, some problems:

    Don't use a d2 for something if you can at all avoid it. Don't express things as 'partial dice' like 1d3 or 1d2 unless you have to. Have the poison damage be 1d4/1d4 not 1d4/2d2 (argh...).
    Considering its a template, its natural attack damage should be dependant on the base creature's size. Furthemore, 1d4 not 2d2 (argh...).
    Also, poison isn't subject to damage reduction anyways, so your statement about it being evil-aligned for the purpose of overcomming it is completely frivolous.
    Also, obviously it has a stinger attack, you should detail this.
    Finally, the details about the poison attacks should be in the Special Attacks section, not the regular attack section.
    Last edited by Kizara; 2008-05-18 at 04:53 PM.

  5. - Top - End - #5
    Ettin in the Playground
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    Default Re: Zombies unfit for thriller(PEACH)

    Quote Originally Posted by Kizara View Post
    Aside from errors and benefiting from some conciseness, there isn't alot that needs fixing here.

    Some points:

    1) Why does the size decrease? I mean, its not counter-intuitive, but it is un-necessary. Note that the skeleton template doesn't change size.

    2) While I can understand where you are coming from with the wing removal, you may want to keep them. As a flying insect-skeleton-thing would be fairly cool. Perhaps not though.

    3) I'd have it lose its extraodinary qualities as well, considering the creature is getting a huge physical change. You can't rend if you don't have the same appendages, etc.

    4) DR should simply be 5/blugeoning. The DR 5/Good (which is what I assume you meant, as it being vulnerable to evil attacks would be totally non-sensical) is not needed and is just clutter IMO.

    5) Save entry should simply say "No good saves." meaning, all saves have poor progression (as commoner). Then say that it has a +2 racial bonus to Will saves.

    6) Abilities should read "ribwalker" not "skeleton". Otherwise fine.

    7) Level adjustment is simply "-", meaning that it is not appropriate to use as a player character. Which is obviously the case, as it has no Int score, ability to speak, or hands...

    EDIT: I somehow missed the mess of the attack entry, some problems:

    Don't use a d2 for something if you can at all avoid it. Don't express things as 'partial dice' like 1d3 or 1d2 unless you have to. Have the poison damage be 1d4/1d4 not 1d4/2d2 (argh...).
    Considering its a template, its natural attack damage should be dependant on the base creature's size. Furthemore, 1d4 not 2d2 (argh...).
    Also, poison isn't subject to damage reduction anyways, so your statement about it being evil-aligned for the purpose of overcomming it is completely frivolous.
    Also, obviously it has a stinger attack, you should detail this.
    Finally, the details about the poison attacks should be in the Special Attacks section, not the regular attack section.

    1. You're just a spine and ribs, no legs, no arms, just a spine and a skull.

    2.wings are very combersome, most necromancers pick smaller undead based on the idea that they can sneak around, and wings are cunbersome, though a version dedicated to wings would be good.

    3.good point.

    4. good point.

    5. stop being right, give someone else a turn!

    6.right again.

    7.good point, but the Abhorsens bells are dedicated to giving the dead ability(check my sig)

    8. Good points.

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    Default Re: Zombies unfit for thriller(PEACH)

    One note: unintelligent creatures make for very poor spies, as they have no ability to comprehend what they see or relate it back.

    Give them some kind of ability that lets their 'master' see through their eyes or something.

    Or perhaps what they see is somehow stored in their organs (like their eyes, or a special sac or something) that can be retrived and examined.


    Think about it:

    1) Make cool undead spider thing.

    2) Send it to go scout for you.

    3) Ribwalker goes and wanders around for a while, and then comes back.

    4) Necromancer: "Tell me my creation, what did you see?"

    5) Ribwalker: *continues to mindless wait for more instructions*

    6) Necro: "I said speak!"

    7) Ribwalker: *makes unintelligable random chittering noises*

    8) Necromancer: "DAMN IT!" :)
    Last edited by Kizara; 2008-05-18 at 11:20 PM.

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    Ettin in the Playground
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    Default Re: Zombies unfit for thriller(PEACH)

    Quote Originally Posted by Kizara View Post
    One note: unintelligent creatures make for very poor spies, as they have no ability to comprehend what they see or relate it back.

    Give them some kind of ability that lets their 'master' see through their eyes or something.

    Or perhaps what they see is somehow stored in their organs (like their eyes, or a special sac or something) that can be retrived and examined.


    Think about it:

    1) Make cool undead spider thing.

    2) Send it to go scout for you.

    3) Ribwalker goes and wanders around for a while, and then comes back.

    4) Necromancer: "Tell me my creation, what did you see?"

    5) Ribwalker: *continues to mindless wait for more instructions*

    6) Necro: "I said speak!"

    7) Ribwalker: *makes unintelligable random chittering noises*

    8) Necromancer: "DAMN IT!" :)
    It says they can do that near the beginning, must have forgotten to elaborate.

    Hmm, how about a super advanced undead spy(der), walks on eight spiders, a ribcage holding the victims brains. It takes lots of victims so it's usually not worth it, but it can think on par with mindflayers and maybe has invisibility as a SLA.

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    Default Re: Zombies unfit for thriller(PEACH)

    I like it. Just for cross referencing purposes I will point out that it goes great as a substitute for the standard skeleton with my Dark Hearts, Floating Lungs, etc etc (which you might or might not want to check out so you don't end up needlessly duplicating my work). Links in extended signature.
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    Ettin in the Playground
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    Default Re: Zombies unfit for thriller(PEACH)

    Spineflyers added to the list.

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    Default Re: Zombies unfit for thriller(PEACH)

    Seems to me you need to specify that Spinefliers can only be made from winged creatures...
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    Default Re: Zombies unfit for thriller(PEACH)

    Quote Originally Posted by DracoDei View Post
    Seems to me you need to specify that Spinefliers can only be made from winged creatures...
    Dang, new there was something I forgot, added.

    I'll work on bloated mistsprayer in a couple of days.

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    Default Re: Zombies unfit for thriller(PEACH)

    Jayngfet, I love your work.
    All of it.
    Keep it up, so the rest of us can have something to do while waiting to start our english finals, aboiut a short story which I should probably be reading right now, as opposed to during the exam.
    Yup, I'm back

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    Default Re: Zombies unfit for thriller(PEACH)

    Why don't both of these wear necklaces on the NECK (and I assume we are talking about minor magical necklaces here? Although why anyone would put a magic item that costs more than the undead itself did on them I am not TOO sure of...) instead of the tail? Also, you have Spine-Fliers wearing rings on ribs which they don't have.
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    Ettin in the Playground
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    Default Re: Zombies unfit for thriller(PEACH)

    Added bloated mistsprayers, sorry for the delay, I just finished exams and my dad broke his leg last night.

    EDIT:

    Quote Originally Posted by DracoDei View Post
    Why don't both of these wear necklaces on the NECK (and I assume we are talking about minor magical necklaces here? Although why anyone would put a magic item that costs more than the undead itself did on them I am not TOO sure of...) instead of the tail? Also, you have Spine-Fliers wearing rings on ribs which they don't have.
    Fixed the bit about the rings, and they use the tail because most necklaces are too big(made for people with more muscle and skin and such) and jangle around loudly, defeating the purpose of a quiet undead spy.
    Last edited by Jayngfet; 2008-06-23 at 06:34 PM.

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    Default Re: Zombies unfit for thriller(PEACH)

    Need to police your description of the bloated mistsprayer template... it still says "zombie" in some of the later listings... also the special attacks are badly phrased... especially the "Poison Mist"... is it a poison that does not linger in the area but has HP damage for its primary, and COn for its secondary?
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    Default Re: Zombies unfit for thriller(PEACH)

    As noted before, needs a little tweaking, but is, for the most part, great. Good job, I'll use these.

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