Apocalypse Northwest

[stinkomandx]

DM: Does he look like a sloppy wet kitty, for you to f*%@?!

The two men--one a giant Norseman, one a scuzzy mountaineer--stare at each other as the biggest tumbleweed you've ever seen lazily rolls by. The man does his best to act what he thinks is intimidating, but he fails miserably and finds himself frightened in the Dane's presence.

He manages to croak out a little chuckle, though his voice cracks as he speaks. "Well, you're right about one thing...I'm the youngest of 9." Suddenly, the ground and walls around you explode with tiny bursts of debris as 8 men above you start to blast the area with gunfire.

Initiatives:
Head Carter: (d20+3)[14]
Yellow-bellies: (d20+3)[10]

We'll finalize the map and start combat once we have initiatives from everyone.

[stinkomandx]

DM: Let's get it started in hah

Initiatives are:
Kurt
Flint
Carter
Yellow-bellies
Colorado
Trainwhistle

At this point, despite the rocking flavor text that suggests you've been shot at, you actually have not. They were too rapt with Flint's speech to think to use their surprise round. Any visible yellow-bellies are visible because of spot checks, and really quick communication as to where they are. Visible Yellowbellies are lying at the edge of the ridge, where they are getting a +4 cover bonus.

http://s180.photobucket.com/albums/x...Gulchrnd10.jpg

[Malconstant]

Kurt VescherCan shoot the knees off of bees, even if they're hiding in trees.

Kurt places a bead on the nearest colored folk on the ridge to his left, not that any of them aren't too busy wiping the **** off their pants while aiming at the Dane to notice.

After spending time around Flint, Kurt begins to mutter under his breath something about getting ready to give them a can of Kurt's finest before catching himself.

[Merlin the Tuna]

Flint Ironstag pulls out his rulebook
HP 31/31 | AC: ??? | Fort +5 | Ref +2 | Will +1

Flint hears the entirely-too-familiar sound of 9 guns getting cocked at the same time, discovering that this Carter character is simply too stupid to get outsmarted. As guns start getting raised, he takes off running straight at the now-emasculated, soon-to-be-slightly-more-emasculated man blocking his way to Portland.

And nobody blocks Flint Ironstag's way to Portland.

His feet churn at the earth like a thousand pages of purple prose falling in unison, and he pulls out a set of handcuffs on the way. At 10 feet out from this "Carter" sap, he pounces, going for a grab like a true mutant lawman should.

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Touch Attack: d20+7 = 13 to hit his flat footed touch AC.
Grapple Check: d20+5? = 15 (I'm not counting my +1 to unarmed attacks from Brawl or my +1 to attacks from the Duel of Wills here. Not sure if that's right, but then, grapples always were weird.)
Damage: 2d4+4 = 7 lethal damage if grapple succeeds

I don't see any rules for applying handcuffs; I guess they assume that it happens while the person is unconscious? At any rate, it seems like it should be viable if I establish a pin. Thoughts? I'm not adverse to applying headbutts and bo dros if you'd rather not deal with the possibility of cuffing a guy and trying to use him as a human shield.

Also, my AC is nigh-incomprehensible until this battle steadies out. I have different values for melee vs. range, and get bonuses if I'm in melee combat but penalties if I'm in a grapple, and so on and so forth.

[stinkomandx]

DM: Loves bo-dros and headbutts almost as much as he likes human shields

The Carter man finds himself on the receiving end of the Portland-bound Danish Express as Flint barrels into him. Flint successfully grabs the man and the two grapple, as the Carter brother tries to escape.

On the ridge above, eight heads peek out and the yellowbellied Carter siblings make their presence known. They all appear vaguely deformed, with some missing eyes, patchy clumps of hair, and slack-jawed expressions. Shockingly, it would seem that the Carter on the ground is the "looker" of the bunch. All the yellow-bellies sport worn 9mm pistols, which they shoot down at the assembled heroes.

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Carter escape attempt: (d20+3)[5] (actually, -1 for the Dual penalty)
Damage report:
All yellowbelly attacks deal 4 damage
The Lawrence girl is shot in the shoulder, causing her to lurch back
Kurt: One attack gets 17, the other gets 7
Colorado: One gets 23, one gets 12
Trainwhistle: One gets 16, one gets 20

Colorado and Trainwhistle are on deck. Updated battle map below
http://s180.photobucket.com/albums/x...Gulchrnd11.jpg

(To Merlin--I'm pretty sure that the Dual of Wills bonuses/penalties apply in grapple checks. You narrowly hit with that touch attack, and the DM would like to remind everyone how sweet action points are.)

[Freeborg]

Colorado - Can't help but think, I Shoot Back.

Colorado scans the canyon walls as the Carters stand up and send a lead rain down on the party. One of the bullets catches Colorado in the leg. Colorado makes his way to the small tree near him for cover and returns fire. Percy, showing what he thinks of the Carters, calmly takes a crap.

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Move either to J-16 or K-16 if I can be in the same square as the tree for more cover.
Attack on Carter in O-16: (1d20) + 4 - 2(range) = 13 + ACTION POINT = 17
Damage: 2d8 = 10
How many action points did we start with again?

Also, since I forgot to place Percy initially, let's say he's in I-19/20.

[OneFamiliarFace]

Trainwhistle Jenkins, ****ing. hates. yellowbellies.
HP 16/24; AC 14

Trainwhistle Jenkins takes two bullets right where it don't count. Then he takes off running, red, duct-taped shoes pounding into the dustry trail, as it were. He draws ol' Bashy as he goes, and, upon cresting the hill, points to the yellowbellies and slowly makes a bashing gesture at his head with the wrench.

"Ain't nobody as ever shot Trainwhistle Jenkins an got away with it." Then he mutters to hisself, "I swear by all the mutant gods n hell, Ima push at least one o you offa this cliff!"

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I'm going to run up as far towards the cretins on the hill to the right as I can.

Good god, my AC is ****ing terrible. If there is cover, I would like some please. Especially if it is cover I can reach a yellowbelly from, then that is preferable. But Trainwhistle must start reaching Yellowbellies as soon as is humanly possible.

[Merlin the Tuna]

Flint Ironstag hopes he doesn't have to play cribbage today
HP 31/31 | AC: 15 vs Yellow Bellies, 14 vs Carter | Fort +5 | Ref +2 | Will +1

Flint wrassles with the outlaw and, beginning to overpower him, starts to grin in anticipation of what's coming. He sends a forearm into the smaller man's face, giving him just the opening he needs to slip around behind and start forcing him to the ground. "Pardon my askin', but is this Carter's finest?" he laughs. "Because somehow I don't see it standin' up to the COPENHAGEN CRUSH." With that he bears down with all his weight, doing his damnedest to get this dirtbag's face in touch with Mother Earth.

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DM: When Carter makes his escape attempts, you can go ahead and roll my grapple for me. +6 modifier for me, so it wouldn't have made a difference with that last roll of his, but for future reference 'n' all.

Grapple check to establish pin: d20+6 = 16. Not enough insurance in my book, so I'll spend an action point to take this one to the bank with a extra d6 = 4, for a total of 20

Also, any ideas on the handcuffs? Figure it's another grapple check if he's still pinned when my turn comes around? That'd take the count up to a total of 5 consecutive grapple checks won to pull the move off. (Establish grapple --> escape attempt --> establish pin --> escape attempt --> apply cuffs)

Oh, grapple.

[stinkomandx]

DM refuses to believe that there are so many Ted Nugent songs that actually fit this situation

Kelly Lawrence, getting her balance back on her horse, wordlessly pulls her shotgun out and fires on one of the Yellowbellies on the right side. The shot fails to find its target, blasting rock into dust at the lip of the plateau.

That Carter fella is a rude man. Instead of answering Flint's question, he is too busy yelling out, "No, No, NO!!!" You imagine there are more protests, but he is too busy getting his faced shoved into the dirt for anything else to be heard.

Meanwhile, the yellowbellied Carter clan continues to fire down on anyone they can see. Several fire into the grapple-fest that is Carter and Flint, with only one actually striking a body and that body being their brother. He shouts in pain, but it is again muffled by the ground. One shot hits Kurt for four damage, and another nicks Kelly's arm. All other shots blast harmlessly into the ground.

Trainwhistle runs up the path to where some of the yellowbellies are perched, gaining sweet merciful cover from the walls of the path.

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Breakdown: Carter gets a 19 vs. Flint's pin attempt, causing him to be pinned. Carter tries to escape pin with a 21, which Flint beats with a 26.
Trainwhistle: I'm assuming you mean the left side of the cliff, because there is no way to get up to the yellowbellies on the right side. You are at D-7, safely nestled with total cover between two walls.

I'll revise the map after Kurt's turn.
Also, we are adopting the following 4e rules for simplicity's sake: diagonals only count as one square, and a charge is just a standard action that lets you move up to your speed in a straight line and then attack. Same +2 Atk, -2 AC applies.

[Malconstant]

Kurt Vescher Really needs to work on his living-by-his-wits-and-a-gun image by getting some nice light armor.

HP: 19 / AC: 17 / Fort: 0 / Ref: 5 / Wis: 2

Kurt gives a little squeeze.

((I gotta figure out how to do that spoiler hootinany. Anyway, the shot was for a d20 + 8 = 27 for damage of 2 d10 = 9 + 6. After those rolls, I think I shant pick up dice again. Oh, and I'm not sure if there was a crit threat there, but the follow up pure d20 was a 10, not sure if the +8 is added there too. God, I should just take the time and read up on this. In case a crit did land, I rolled another 2 d10 = 3 + 9.))

[OneFamiliarFace]

Trainwhistle Jenkins, Yesssssssss!
HP 16/24; AC 12

Armed with the brand new charging rules which fit perfectly into his scheme, Trainwhistle begins to knock every last one of the yellowbellies offa this cliff. He hops out of his precious cover, and, screaming like some kind of mutant bat that just found out it was deaf, he runs up to the wall, turns and charges the first yellowbelly in a bull rushing rampage.

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I don't care what is involved in this, I'm gonna keel this man.

Bull Rush Attempt: (1d20+4)[14] + 1 (action point express) = 15

Not like those odds, and wanting to impress the yellowbellies with the full weight of their predicament, Trainwhistle uses an Action Point on a mook. For a total listed above.

God it would be so much smarter to attack them with my wrench...

[stinkomandx]

DM will post more tomorrow, but just wanted to resolve this Bull Rush attempt

With his stunning resist attempt of 5, the last things the yellowbellied Carter ever sees (besides the ground of the canyon) are a pair of crazy eyes, one crazy beard, and a shirt that addresses some misconceptions about the man's grandparents. He considers the ramifications of the shirt's claims for a brief moment before he crumples into the ground like a rag doll.

[OneFamiliarFace]

Trainwhistle Jenkins, sometimes takes useful feats
HP 16/24; AC 12

The Ol' Coot stands at the edge heaving, considering Tracking the fallen man or Power Attacking the cliff. But then he looks up with crazy eyes of awesome and stares over at the next yellowbelly.

Heroicly surging, the prospector crashes down upon the poor man like an avalanche wearing overalls and brings Ol' Bashy to bear in both hands. If Trainwhistle were this guy's grandpa, he would've told his daughter to get an abortion.

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Heroic Surge. Charge on a yellowbelly.

Attack: (1d20+8)[27]
Damage: (1d6+3)[7]

[stinkomandx]

DM: Yellowbellies are their own Grandpa. Literally.

Arthur Carter is lying on the ground uncomfortably in D-16 , gazing down at the strangers he's firing on. He follows his youngest brother's instructions to kill the Lawrence girl and her allies, but if he were to be honest to himself, the game has lost its sport. On his last journey into the wastes to trade, he had quietly purchased a pre-war book called Peter Pan, and the struggles of its hero really resonated with him. Maybe "To Live" would be an awfully big adventure. He smiles, and stands up, prepared to go out and finally achieve his true potential. The smile freezes onto his face when Kurt's 7.62 caliber slug hits him right between the eyes, blasting off the top portion of his head and causing his body to tumble onto the ground below. He lands with his legs spread, and the force of the impact causes them both to break at the joint and separate from his body.

Also, Trainwhistle smashes another guy's head.

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Battle Update:
Colorado is up, with Kelly, Kurt, then Flint on deck. 3 Yellowbellies down, Carter is about to be handcuffed, and all is right in the world.

http://s180.photobucket.com/albums/x...GulchRnd25.jpg
The above map was wrong, but it will stay so Ryan's Har Har makes sense.
Here's the real one:
http://s180.photobucket.com/albums/x...GulchRnd27.jpg


To Mal: Since guns have mad damage, they only score Crits on a Nat 20. Also, to do the "spoiler" thing, precede whatever you want to hide with the world "spoiler" with brackets on each side. End whatever you want to hide with "/spoiler" surrounded in brackets.

[Freeborg]

Colorado Williams - Will choose to Blame It On the Night, and not the DM
HP: 18/18 | AC: 18 | Bullets: 3 or 4

Colorado Suddenly finds himself transported back to where he was just six seconds ago. He looks over, and Percy is still placidly defecating behind him. His gun has one more bullet in the magazine, and the Carter to his right has still not been shot at.

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Back in post #126, I asked to move by the tree near me and shoot at the Carter in O-16. In the latest map, this does not appear to be the case. I assume the shot missed, but I'd like to make sure. If it was just a clerical oversight, my general plan is to still shoot at the Carter in O-16 again. From behind the tree in K-16.
Mable Fires: 1d20 + 4 = 10
Damage Rolls that will not be needed: 6

[OneFamiliarFace]

Trainwhistle Jenkins, has friends in slightly lower places

"Kurt, aim yer great mutant buffalo killer over yonder! At the yellabellies I cain't push offa cliff!" He hops up and down and points frantically with his free hand as he prepares to push another yellabelly offa this cliff.

Strategerizin:

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Trainwhistle makes a note of the fact that he will be collecting some mad guns and ammo to divide up amongst his pals. The quicker we kill em, the more bullets we get. Huzzah!

Seriously though, shoot the doods we can't reach with melee! please?

[stinkomandx]

DM: Providing clarity to unclear situations since 2003

(We've got Kurt and Flint up right now)

[Malconstant]

Kurt Vescher would be ****ting into his already **** filled pants right now if he were a Carter.
HP: 19/19 | AC: 17

With a fluid, practiced maneuver, Kurt loads his remington 700 rifle via bolt, and swings it over to the other side of things.
Now just how many kin are you planning on losing today before you drop your guns? Kurt shouts at the remaining Carters, a thoroughly unpracticed attempt at intimidating them.

Gauging his distance from the YB's on the other side, Kurt takes a 5-foot step back (to f,20)

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Intimidation check: d20 + 2 = 4. He's got a ways to go. Though the whole half-the-family-brutally-murdered-in-6-seconds might not hurt.

[Merlin the Tuna]

Flint Ironstag chokes in the clutch
HP 31/31 | AC: 15 vs Yellow Bellies, 14 vs Carter | Fort +5 | Ref +2 | Will +1

Flint, having the situation with Boss Carter well in hand, commences totally botching things. He fumbles haphazardly with the handcuffs, slapping at Carter's wrists like one might slap someone in the face with a pancake or other breakfast delight.

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Grapple check to apply handcuffs! The big finish! d20+6 = 13!

Ruh roh, Raggy! Super action point bonus! d6=1

Crapdamnit! Total grapple check: 14

[Freeborg]

Colorado Williams - wants to Just Do It Like This
HP: 18/18 | AC: 18 | Bullets: 2

Colorado continues his shooting at the Carter in O-16.

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Attack: 1d20 + 4 = 23
Damage = 2d8 = 10

[stinkomandx]

DM: COMBAT OPERANDI -> AGGRESS

Carter, with a sudden burst of strength, lifts himself off the ground with an angry grunt. "Har har hagfhhh..." He trails off as Flint slams him back into the dirt.

Two yellowbellied Carters on the east side of the canyon shoot their berettas at Colorado, with one bullet lodging itself in a tree trunk and the other critically hitting Colorado in the arm. Another takes a wildly aimed shot at the Dane currently immasculating his brother, which misses the grapple entirely. The two on the left side stand and fire on Trainwhistle while backing away, clearly terrified of the murderin' coot. Nevertheless, both bullets hit.

Mable introduces the ugly Carter in O-16 to a mutual friend of Colorado's, Ms. Thirty Eight Caliber Slug. His body jerks back from his laying position, blood exploding from his head wound.

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Battle Report
Carter attempts to escape the pin and is easily beaten by the Dane who, despite being ineffectual with handcuffs, is really pretty good at sitting on people.

One critical hit on Colorado, two regular hits on Trainwhistle. Eight damage apiece.

Round 3 map: http://s180.photobucket.com/albums/x...GulchRnd31.jpg

Trainwhistle is up, with Kurt and Flint back on deck.

[OneFamiliarFace]

Trainwhistle Jenkins, is bullet proof legs.
HP 8/24; AC 14

"Oooo-eeeee, bullits sure do sting. Don't they? Course, now ya gone an made me real angry." The Ol' Coot's jaw comes unhinged slightly as performs a roar of mighty proportions.

He runs up beside the closest yellabelly, and swings for the fences, and by fences, he means the yellabelly's head, catching the man between a rock and a wrench. [Something humorous here.]

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Move to D-14.

Wrench Attack: (on C-14) (1d20+6)[15]
Wrench damage: (1d6+3)[9]

Nope:(Acidy Spit Attack: (on D-15) (1d20-1)[9]
Acidy Spit Damage: (1d4)[1])

*edit, I misread the lack of lines on the map, and orginally, I took the liberty of having two attacks and a 5 foot step. Instead, I'm changing it up. SO discount the acidy spit rolls. I will push that guy offa this cliff next round. I will save my glorious spit for the near future.

[Malconstant]

Kurt Vescher Knows a thing or two about the virtues of patience.
HP: 19/19 | AC: 17

Kurt places a bead on the furthest fella he can see: p,13. His sense of position is horribly skewed, however, as he swore he very recently took a 5 foot step back to f,20. Ahh yes, that's right, he didn't step back, rather the mechanisms governing the cosmos has adjusted their physical "rule book" if you will, and Kurt goes ahead and gives his finger a tug.

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attack: d20 + 6 = 7. I don't know if we're counting critical misses here, but damn, Kurt's just hoping nobody was watching that time.

[stinkomandx]

DM: Understands the patience of virtues

Boring to anyone who isn't Malconstant:

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To Mal: You can always use a move action in place of your standard action--so you can move up to your move speed, or reload in place of your standard action. Interesting fact about the Remington 700 Hunting Rifle--it's firing speed is Single, but its magazine is 5 Internal. That means that while you can only squeeze off a Single shot per round (which won't come into play until your base attack bonus lets you get more attacks, or in case you wanted to pick up the Double Tap feat), you can fire 5 bullets before you need to reload. However, while some guns with detachable Box magazines allow you to reload all bullets with a Move Action, your Internal magazine means it that the bullets are individually loaded, and it takes a Full Round Action to reload your gun.

Sorry about not adjusting Kurt's location for the 5 foot step. You might considering firing your gun with the standard action--I'm also suggesting we change how the Dead Aim feat works, and I'm e-mailing you the suggestion. Let me know what you think.

[Merlin the Tuna]

Flint Ironstag kills one bird with seven or eight stones
HP 31/31 | AC: 15 vs Yellow Bellies, 14 vs Carter | Fort +5 | Ref +2 | Will +1

Flint wrangles with the dark desert angel, a tangle of wangles and strangles that finally mangle from every ole angle.

Which is to say that he sits on a dude and makes a less breakfastly-metaphoric attempt at cuffing him.

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Grapple: d20+6 = 22. Oh yeah, like what I'm seeing here.

[stinkomandx]

DM: CAT SCRAETCH FAVAR?!

After a tense--albeit one-sided--struggle, the lead Carter is unable to prevent a pair of steel handcuffs being clamped onto his wrists. He continues to struggle to escape, but now his movements are limited and his attempt is feeble.

Kelly Lawrence also pulls her own weight a little, killing the shooter in O-14 with a shotgun blast.

Meanwhile, the remaining Carters are starting to worry from their lofty perches. At least, the one of the east side of the canyon is. The one on the left is basically praying in equal parts to God and to Trainwhistle to spare his life. Still, they both do what they came to do--shoot some people.

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Battle?
Carter attempts an escape from Flint, with heavy penalties. It goes as expected. The remaining yellowbellies fire once at Trainwhistle and once at Flint, with both hitting for 4 damage.

Round 4: http://s180.photobucket.com/albums/x...=GulchRnd4.jpg

Up next are Colorado, Trainwhistle, Kurt, and Flint! Will the NPC's survive this round? Stay tuned!

[OneFamiliarFace]

Trainwhistle Jenkins, It is time.
HP 4/24; AC 14

Trainwhistle Jenkins thinks about all of his hps and all the good times they had. But there is no time to think of that. He walks slowly towards the doomed yellabelly, hearing the "man's" prayers, but, like most gods, Trainwhistle don't listen. A single, frightening tear appears on the prospector's cheek and is swallowed greedily by his beard, much as the yellabelly will soon be swallowed by the beard of time, or, more to the point, Trainwhistle hisself.

Trainwhistle's jaw unhinges into a slavering horror of jagged, yellow, old man teeth and stinky, old man breath, of which he breathes a mighty lungful into the yellabelly's lungs before taking a bite outta crime. Immediately afterwards, Ol' Bashy flashes upwards in a beautiful arc, aimed at the poor dead man's chin (or what is hopefully not left of it).

Metaphors and 0's on bite attacks aside, the wrench bashes the **** out of the guy's head.

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Acidy Bite Attack: (1d20-1)[0]
Acidy Bite Damage: (1d6+1)[3]+(1d4)[2]

Wrench Attack: (1d20+6)[25]
Wrench Damage: (1d6+3)[7]

[Malconstant]

Kurt Vescher Isn't too keen on seein Tranwhistle bite the dust, even if he is not, in fact, his grandfather.
HP: 19/19 | AC: 17

Git down you crazy sunuvabitch! We can clean this up without you gettin yer brains shot out!, Kurt barks at Trainwhistle as he lines up his shot with the charming feller in p,13. And he gives a squeeze.

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Kurt's aiming for a non-lethal shot, but a disarming one (in the literal sense if possible) attack: d20 + 6 = 25. Lets add an action point to that just to cement the finessed shot: 1d6 = 2, for a total of 27. damage: 2d10 = 8. Kurt scratches his head, wondering why he's bein such a ridiculously good shot under all this pressure.

[Freeborg]

Colorado Williams - sees the Writing On The Wall for the Carters.
HP: 10/18 | AC: 18 | Bullets: 1

Colorado glances over his shoulder at the happenings behind him. He sees Flint lay the law on the Carter's wrists and Trainwhistle continue the Murder Express up on the ledge. "Nice, Kelly, keep it up and I don't think you'll have to worry about being bothered by this clan again"Colorado bravely says from his shady spot behind the tree.

He takes aim at the Carter left on the right.

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Attack on Carter in P-13: 1d20 + 4 - 2(range) = 18
Damage: 2d8 = 12
Continue hanging out with my favorite tree.

[Merlin the Tuna]

Flint Ironstag gives 'em the business
HP 27/31 | AC: 15 vs Yellow Bellies, 14 vs Carter | Fort +5 | Ref +2 | Will +1

Flint grunts, as if he knows he's been shot but doesn't care to admit it. What he does care for, however, is delivering a good headbutt to a man already in handcuffs. He slams his noggin into the back of Carter's, looking to knock out his well-past-disgraced opponent. "Turns out you can get called on bluffs that ain't and still not have the cards to win, huh runt? We oughta play cards more often," he taunts.

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Standard action: Attempt to damage with a grapple check!
Grapple: d20+6 = 25
Damage: d6+d4+4 = 11 nonlethal damage.