creative writing.

[kyrosthewonderer]

this topic is to be used for writing short stories, personal stories or just about anything that is writing, personally, i am going to use it to write fictional stories, they can be used by anyone in just about anything except to get me into trouble, they are merely for fun and enjoyment, and not to insult any group ethnic or blond or whatever, if you are using this topic for that, i have no part in it.

i am going to wait a while to wait for some people to begin posting, then i will begin a chapter by chapter story based off of a pbp game that i had planned but due to complications was unable to do.

and last id like to thank those who contributed to my poll formerly held in this message board, and to anyone who frequents this topic in the future if it gets somewhere. if not...well....cant say i didnt try meh?

[kyrosthewonderer]

well, while im waiting for this to start up or fail miserably, might as well geet something done, this chapter by chapter story is about a samurai wandering through a foreign land and learning the cost of doing so as what he is. ladies and gents, the cost of honor-chapter one

Misty shadows.

Darkness. Always darkness. Though I wander through a land that claims to be of light, darkness follows me everywhere. It follows me through the towns, where I was ridiculed, where I was spat upon, with no power to fight back. It follows me to the Hills, where the natives ambushed me, trying to cleanse my soul of my code, of my Honor. And here, in the most desolate place of this land, the mist covered mount Arr'lotte, I am still followed by darkness. Though there is no seen threat, I can sense it, like one would see yellow eyes glowing in the dark, watching, always watching...my hand crept to my sword, they would not have me, I have done nothing wrong. Alert, I crept higher up the slope, intent on reaching the summit, where it is said there is an oracle,one who would aid me in my quest. yet the shadows, the mist filled darkness remained.... Will I ever be truly alone? No, I will always be among both fellows and foe, it is impossible to do withought both in my path to honor....


thats a short chapter, but its still a work in progress, hope you enjoyed it :) feel free to comment if you like, or feel free to post your own. thats what this topic is here for :)

[Wukei]

A few suggestions: actual chapters are normally 20,000 words. One paragraph does not constitute a chapter. Try editing your work both for grammar and spelling. No one will want to read your stories if they're not a story, nor are they grammatically correct. One gets tired quickly when reading something that is not written well. It hurts one's eyes.

[Leewong]

I second what Wukei said.

Also: "suggestive writing." Hee-hee. ;)

[kyrosthewonderer]

i didnt mean it like that....il have to change that.... anyway, i suppose what i meant by chapter was from a paragraph to five withought taking up a whole or half a page.....i have no interest in counting out twenty thousand words.... i dont have the time to sit there and say- 15666, 15667, 15668, 15669, what did you say Bro? o crap where was i?(Its happend 0_o)well, at least people are posting :) i hate criticism, but constructive criticism is alright ( thats where the criticisin helps me fix stuff :) ) oh, and i edited my post a little, tell me if i missed sumthin :)

[Leewong]

Awww... You took out the "suggestive writing" bit in the title. How sad.

Anyway, most word processing programs will do a word count, but that's not the point of saying "20,000 words." It's a general number to give a length for a chapter. I think it comes out to 10 pages or something (I'm remembering 2,000 words a page, but I could be way off.)

And, uhm... ellipses are three dots, not four? They're also not all that useful in prose. Conversation, sure. It sounds like you're writing free-form string of thought stuff. The run-on sentances are bothersome, though. Distracting.

It reads a little too gothy/melodramatic, but that's just my preference. Makes me think of the angst-ridden teen poetry stuff. But, I also don't much like the stream-of-consciousness stuff when I'm reading a story, so that's that.

Also, if you have the ability to write with proper punctuation and grammar, why don't you try to use it all the time? You'll sound smarter.

[kyrosthewonderer]

if i were to sound as smart as i am all the time, u ppl would be confused by the time i got to quantum physics... and i will get there... after a lot of other confusing theories involving the irelevence of time, and therefore the absence of a spacetime continuum etc etc....and its fun to surprise ppl by goin from seemingly unbright to pure genius....ok, not pure genius but to really smart...especially for my age :P and just to put it out, grammar is my worst subject...

[Leewong]

Uhm, right. All the physicists I know have a full working knowledge of English and the grammar structure therein, but perhaps they're just well rounded. One babbles about string theory when she gets drunk, but whatever. If you really are that smart, you should realize that the way people perceive you colors the way they react to you, and the only way people have have said perception in a text-based medium is through your words and how you arrange them.

That being said, I can't really give any further critique based on one paragraph. What is it that you're trying to do with this story?

[kyrosthewonderer]

....no idea... never really thought that through....but give me a break lol, im 14.

[crimson77]

Suggestion:

I think you are going about this whole thing the wrong way. I think that either A. You want to write a story with several authors much like a play by post game but without rules or B. you want to share your stories and read other peoples stories. Here are my thoughts.

Option A: Start a thread in OOC that states something to the effect of wanting to start a storytelling thread and you want 3 or more authors to each write a paragraph building off of the previous work. You also might want to include some sort of basic plot structure. Jumbo the Samurai is going to free a princess in a tower. Then each person writes 500 to 1000 or so words in each post. This would create a situation in which people might respond.

Option B: Write a section of your story and post it in this thread but before you post write about 5000 words so that people actually have something to read. Then after reading your story people might be inspired to write a story of their own (doubtful but possible). Now if you are really into writing and sharing your work you might want to consider a site based on sharing stories like this one that I found after a quick google search. I didn’t spend too much time looking at it so I cannot vouch for its validity. If you really want to write and share stories then there are places out there that might be a little better suited for your needs.

Just my 265 words.

[crimson77]

....no idea... never really thought that through....but give me a break lol, im 14.

Your profile says 25

[Leewong]

....no idea... never really thought that through....but give me a break lol, im 14.

Your user profile says 25. Are you using someone else's account?

Also, being 14 is no excuse. :P ;)

[kyrosthewonderer]

well, i might try one two, or all three of those, but i figure that il wait a little to see if this pulls through, and if it doesnt, well at least i tried, thats what matters, i suppose i could type up an inspiring essay that i have involving the civil war... i got an A + :) heh...i think il go look for that right now....

[kyrosthewonderer]

that was actually an accident, my little cousin was over... and well, its a long story....it involves broken glass grape jiuce and replacing a keyboard...i never bothered to figure out if i could change that... maybe i will now...

[kyrosthewonderer]

what do you know... you can....

[kyrosthewonderer]

now... time to look for that essay...

[Leewong]

Oh, man...

I remember when I was 14 and thought I was a genius. I must have been really infuriating. Then I went to a really good college and it beat the living smarts out of me. Now I'm just comfortably above average.

So, yeah, not to pop your ego or anything ... no, wait, that is why I'm typing this. Getting A+'s in high school is good, and being interested in quantum at the age of 14 is nice, but you should really learn a little restraint on the whole "genius" thing. It puts people on edge. Just try to be normal for a while. If you're really smart, people will figure that out on their own and will converse with you at your level... or they'll act like total dorks and you can ignore them.

[crimson77]

Just so you know, it’s not too highly looked upon to post multiple times for just a few words each post. It just fills up the board with nonsense that people have to read through to see your point. The only time that double posting is excepted if is you are posting regarding two different topics and do not want them to be correlated together; then and only then would it be suitable to double post.

[Frojoe21]

One solution would be to hit the little modify button at the top right hand of your message. That way you dont have to constantly post.

[kyrosthewonderer]

there we go, age corrected, folder found, and now i have a few of my better works, one of wich is a poem being put into a book, so please, tell me what you think.

Into the light

If I flew into the sky
because i felt that i should die,
would you laugh or would you cry
as we say our last goodbies?

In my last eve of flight,
I shall wonder, are we wrong or are we right?
As i drift into the night
I surrender my final plight,
is this dark or is this light?
I lost track, ive lost my sight.

Every day that we have fought,
sometimes we wonder, is it for naught?
We'll have to live with what we've got,
sometimes a little, sometimes a lot.
Look to the things that we have wrought,
as we hear our final thoughts.

Of all the things we can do
we want the things we never knew.
And before these hard times are through,
top of the list, we'll wish we'd flew.

As we fall into the sky,
we sing ourselves a lullaby.
Will you fall or will you fly?
It's time for you to fly or die

On the brink of death we're caught,
we give ourselves a final thought:

Let us fly into the sky,
it is NOT our time to die.
Please dont laugh, no dont cry,
lets take back our last goodbyes.

Let us fly into the light,
and end the everlasting night.

and by the way, im sorry if i gloated a little,ok fine, a lot. but its just me, im a little full of myself, as all teenagers are....and sorry about double posting, but last time i just modified my posts, i made the guy after me seem like he didnt know what he was talking about on accident, so he yelled at me :(

[Leewong]

Yeah. All teenagers are full of themselves, think they know everything, blah blah blah. Which basically translates to "All teenagers need to have their heads deflated" but that's not my job. I'm probably not going to be a good audience for this stuff, btw. I can't stand the angsty teenager poetry stuff, but I can't stand any poetry, really. Also, I'm deliberately writing bad Mary Sue fanfiction. So, yeah... going to cut myself out of any genuine criticism on your stuff until further notice.

[kyrosthewonderer]

yes, i admit im full of myself, but i know enough to understand some of the basics of quantum physics, and also that a quantum computer is the key to the universe...and is immune to viruses and spywear...and that poem really is going to be in a book...i won a contest :)i hope it comes out soon though..it was supposed to be out weeks ago...maybe it meant next year...(jully/june 2006) said it wus july or june 2005....

[crimson77]

The start to knowledge is: knowing what you don’t know, and that you will never come close to knowing everything. That is where you must start; staring humbly into the face of knowledge and realizing that in your greatest efforts you may become an expert in one field but never know all the mysteries. You also, at all times, have to remember that you only see farther because you stand on the shoulders of Giants.

[Rainia]

Wow. I wonder if anyone has noticed that very little of the criticism offered in this thread has been anywhere near constructive.

So what if he has an inflated head and so what if his grammar isn't the best. In my opinion he should be congratulated on being willing to share his stuff. Most people wouldn't have the nerve. Myself included. :P

My best advice to you kyros would be to keep writing. Write anything that pops into your head. You know what they say...practice makes perfect. ;)

[kyrosthewonderer]

that is true(what wyvern said)....for now, but if someone got a quantum computer...am i the only one that would understand its power? a quantum computer could rewrite the very laws of physics, bend reality to its will, do absolutely ANYTHING!!!

oh, and thanks for your support rainia, i did notice, but i felt i shouldnt point it out, it might make them angry...i think they were GROWLING at me earlier.....*laugh* im just jokin

[Niasen]

Well, as for your first little chapter there, Kinda have to have a bit more context to truly get a good idea about it, but your going to have to keep your tenses straight (its either in past or present tense, you sometimes start switching between the two, I have the same habit and I"m horrible with it. At worst for readers it can be really confusing as to when something happened, at best its just kinda annoying). Also, sometimes just using a bit more detail at what happens to someone in these stories can start getting people feeling into the character if you do it right (use it sparingly, don't overdue it). Basically what i mean is describing a bit more in detail the ridiculing, the dishonor, or the pain this guy goes through, maybe some personal little twist to the dagger in this guys pain that makes people sympathize (otherwise he's just the generic "cursed guy").

The Poem seemed pretty nice, but you might want to change the wording just a bit, the rhyming sounds kinda the same throughout the poem, which can be...well its hard to explain. If you want to truly be happy with your poem, I always do one test: Imagine speaking it to a REALLY bored class thats force read stuff thats usually the same old cliched poem over and over again, and think to yourself "will this poem even make an impact on them." You'll end up erasing a lot, but when you make something it is REALLY different.

And come on guys, lets stay to criticizing his works, not him personally. We all have our quirks, I don't think you'd all like it if we went to your threads and hijacked them to talk about a personality quirk of yours.

[kyrosthewonderer]

well, looks like i have a lot of work ahead of me, and that was just my rought draft on the chapter, its from scratch, i think il do what rich does, and post a new chapter every monday wensday and friday, and edit them until the next post. but, i will also be adding other works that i came up with, like these:-haiku and tonka...longer ones are tonka...

Grass waves in the wind.
whispering soft and peaceful.
it talks of beauty.

Butterflys flutter
stopping to kiss the flowers.
their kiss brings new life.

The solid oak lives,
as does the vibrant sapling
their leaves sway softly,
yet though storms may split the great oaak,
the sapling will never snap

Humans harvest hate,
like a farmer gathering,
it is as a scourge.
whay cant we just get along?
but the wars go on...

[Ego Slayer]

First off Kyros I think it's great that you're willing to share your work with everyone because there's no way in heck I could ever have the nerve to do that.

Lee, don't assume all teenagers are full of themselves and have big egos. I'm anything but full of myself and I'm 14...

[Sneak]

Okay, even though off the Games section it isn't a real rule, please...don't post 3 times in a row, especially when you can just edit your post in. Sometimes it is okay to double-post, maybe even triple-post (although that is stretching it).

And your age is no excuse for anything. I don't care what the hell your age is. On forums, you are assumed to be just as smart as how you act. Age doesn't matter, but your actions do.

Granted, the actual story seems pretty good to me. The spelling and grammar in the story is better than from most of your posts, and even if it's not perfecet, I'm not bothered much by it. The poem is also okay, although I prefer the story to the poem. The only thing I don't like about the story is that it's a bit short.

[Thornwood413]

First off, do you think you could give us a description of your mian character? I mean of course it'll come in later but for me personally making your characters the second funnest part of writing.
Basically what I can figure out about him from your description is that he's a samurai (did i spell that right) and possibly emo.

Reason why I bring this up is that a lot of people seem to have problems developing characters (especially in the fantasy genre since there are so many stereotypes to fall back on, and since almost everyone here plays Dnd I would assume that most writers here would write fantasy.)

Personally I'm not to in to writing fantasy myself, if I were to describe mine it would probably be supernatural-horror-action.