Funny D&D Stories

[Dvandemon]

You CARRY corpses WITH you?

That reminds me of a funny poster (Rogue) here that said he carries a kobold corpse around just to set off traps he couldn't disarm

[Silly Wizard]

One of my funny D&D stories was when I was DMing a campaign for some friends of mine. None of them have every played Dungeons and Dragons before, but they quickly caught on and did things even I didn't expect. The part was:

Hrothgar, male gnome wizard
Khari, male dragonborn paladin of Bahamut
Isimo, male earthsoul genasi rogue
Jhani, female longtooth shifter cleric of Bahamut

The first adventure they went on was when they went to investigate a cult of Tiamat in the area; they found out by word-of-mouth with citizens that an abandoned mansion on the outside of town is known to have weekly meetings by shady people. They decide to check it out.

When they first get into the mansion, they see nothing out of the ordinary. Hrothgar decides to roll up one of the exquisite-looking rugs and stuffs it in his bag. He's a fairly random person, so his character being so didn't surprise me.

They go up the stairs and using a listen check, heard many figures in the next room. Isimo was going to climb through a dumbwaiter on the first floor to spy on the room. He does so, but when the people in the room start arguing, Khari thinks they caught Isimo. He kicks down the door and shouts, "I am Khari, the Child of Bahamut! I am here to diplome you!" while throwing a d20 across the table.

Needless to say, they got into combat really quickly.

At the end of this adventure, they got to fight a young dragon on the roof of the mansion (they were like level three or four now). They're fighting for their lives and not really doing a good job at surviving. Khari was knocked off the roof, but lived somehow. Then Hrothgar pulled of the most random stunt- he wanted to use Mage Hand to throw the rug he took earlier at the Dragon and cover his face. I let him do it and he succeeds, followed by a crit from one of Jhani's dailies.

One of the best groups I've DMed, by far.

[Meirnon]

@Silly Wizard: I actually like your group. As long as they don't do something too terribly game-breaking, I can see them as one of those groups that plays because they like the game despite no previous knowledge than as one that plays randomly for the lulz. Hrothgar taking a rug, for example, could be played out as not him just taking the rug because he can, but because he sees uses for it (although, it might necessarily only be the character that does so).

In that same sense, I think that being able to take small liberties with spells and rules (like mage hand) only improves not only the credibility of a prepared wizard and the flavor of the campaign.. and the most delicious kind of flavor is the kind with genuine characters played by genuine players like this seems to be. And for that, I'd have to say that you should keep it going and try to keep their interest.

[ShadeovBlack]

I was playing a fighter and my brother was playing a sorcerer with wild spellcasting. We're fighting a troll and the sorcerer fires off his last spell which misfires and becomes a cone of kittens.

This has no effect on the troll save for getting it to attack the sorcerer who has exactly 4 hit points. The sorcerer has one turn before the troll smashes his face, no more spells, an unloaded crossbow, and a dagger that he's already thrown.

He's penned in by the troll so he does the only thing he can, which is pick up a kitten and throw it. Its a critical hit and KILLs the troll with KITTEN DAMAGE!



(don't worry about the kitten, it was magic and was unharmed.)

[Silly Wizard]

@Silly Wizard: I actually like your group. As long as they don't do something too terribly game-breaking, I can see them as one of those groups that plays because they like the game despite no previous knowledge than as one that plays randomly for the lulz. Hrothgar taking a rug, for example, could be played out as not him just taking the rug because he can, but because he sees uses for it (although, it might necessarily only be the character that does so).

In that same sense, I think that being able to take small liberties with spells and rules (like mage hand) only improves not only the credibility of a prepared wizard and the flavor of the campaign.. and the most delicious kind of flavor is the kind with genuine characters played by genuine players like this seems to be. And for that, I'd have to say that you should keep it going and try to keep their interest.

I really dislike DMing, but I loved doing it for this group. They were pretty awesome and never broke the game when they made their jokes (which is surprising, since most games I play in, anything nonserious done in game screws us over).

Hrothgar was one of my favorites because he always made all kinds of traps and random uses for Mage Hand. At one point, he used it to move things randomly and Ghost Sound in a graveyard to scare off the guards so we could sneak into a tomb.

[killmaster666]

In our most recent campaign i have discovered an extremly high respect for Trolls

one of the guys we play with talked the DM into letting him play a troll character. I don't remember th ebackstory very well somthing about him being a bodyguard to the only character that can understand him

we are all lvl 6 except the troll who was lvl 1 because of his level adjustment....until the dm gave us all 1 draw from the deck of many things

results are as follows
Me (sorcerer)- i earned the services of a lvl 4 fighter
arthur(some multiclass thing involving kensai)- a keep worth 50,000 gp
Alyssa(elf somthing or other is rarly attending)- one member of the group hates her with a passion
Johnny(order of the bow inititave)- must fight a dread wraith
Paul(hexblade)-wasn't there when we drew
Cory(the Troll)- 50,000 exp and a medium wonderous item (this makes him a lvl 6 barbarian treated as a lvl 12 with a str and con of 30 and an intellegence of 9)

We were camping off the train for the night when the troll gets up and walks off into the woods to find food or somthing anyway. it's about 3 hours later and 8 giant wasps suddenly fly in at us from all sides we each take our turn because our lookout warned us before they got there. arthur jumps on his horse i grab my spell componints johnny strings his bow and paul draws his sword.

after the first round i've been stung twice (made both fort saves but am hurt down to 10 hp) and i've summoned a flamming sphere which i am basically holding in position between me and 2 of them to keep them out of the fight however we are in the woods and some trees are starting to catch fire

3 rounds in im still holding mine back one is circling around to another point to fight someone else 1 is down and were being hard pressed by the rest the forest is now completly aflame in front of me and it is spreading to one side

round 5 a burning tree falls and crushes the one i was holding back however this spreads fire throughout the camp. the dm is directing this to us to draw on the map (he is about 10 feet back reading his books to make sure he is doing it right) so he though i was about to be engulfed in the flames. we have 3 down now counting the one from the tree we are all slightly hurt but im in critical condition and be ing surrounded by fire on top of it. (when the fight was over i was unconcious with fire on 3 sides the dm laughed his ass off hen he acually looked closely at the map)

round 6. The Troll wanders back into camp looks around and in one turn kills 2 of them i get criticaled and fail my fort check so im unconcess with severly reduced dexterity

by round 8 the troll had killed almost all of them with the horse rider taking a total of 2 and the rest being a team effort the troll then used a feat that can put out fire as a seconday effect (thunderous clap i think it's called) and put out the forest fire i started (2 sessions 2 forest fires i think druids are going to hunt me down lol)

[Yarram]

Your Dm was aware that when you get a huge burst of xp, you can only get one level, and 1xp off the next level?

[Meirnon]

Your Dm was aware that when you get a huge burst of xp, you can only get one level, and 1xp off the next level?

While true, that rule is only in there for balance reasons. For flavor reasons, which I think are totally legitimate as long as you're not terrible about it, it works fine, so long as the DM is reminded that the troll doesn't get any EXP because of how high of a level he is.

[Krade]

I'm always astonished that this thread is still alive every time I see it on the first page. It has just barely avoided being actually necromanced (older than three months) several times.

That said, I might as well contribute to it's undying nature:

I found the "Only 1 level gain at a time" thing kinda silly. For the first part, your DM shouldn't present a situation where it's even remotely possble. For the second, balance is determined by a the DM. If the DM can run a balanced game, he can surely make a few adjustments to the next session to fix any balance issues that might come up from gaining 2 levels at once.

[Meirnon]

I'm always astonished that this thread is still alive every time I see it on the first page. It has just barely avoided being actually necromanced (older than three months) several times.

That said, I might as well contribute to it's undying nature:

I found the "Only 1 level gain at a time" thing kinda silly. For the first part, your DM shouldn't present a situation where it's even remotely possble. For the second, balance is determined by a the DM. If the DM can run a balanced game, he can surely make a few adjustments to the next session to fix any balance issues that might come up from gaining 2 levels at once.

Such as giving the rest of the party ample time to burn themselves to death while fighting friggin wasps if they screw up pretty bad. The Troll's just the "deus ex machina" if you guys last long enough/the DM takes pity.

[zorba1994]

Some hilarious things from games with my friends:

The first game I ever ran

Me (DM): You see a big gelatinous cube blocking the hallway. Remember: This is DnD, so technically anything is possible
New Player: Really?
Me: Sure.
New Player: You said that it was a gelatinous cube?
Me: Yes
New Player: Gelatinous as in Jello-like
Me: Yeeeeeees
New Player: I proceed to eat the Jello

New player ended up dying from the per-round acid damage from eating the cube.



I was once running the Keep on the Shadowfell adventure. Basically, there is a kobold encampment that leads to a major fight. Instead, my dragonborn player pulled a Han Solo and Chewbacca and decided to trick the kobolds into thinking that she was a kobolds from a different tribe and wanted to trade her slaves (other PCs) for gold. Natural 20 on bluff of course, and one of the "slaves" ended up going head to head with the toughest enemy in the kobold camp to prove his worth. Meanwhile, everyone else in the party grabbed the loot from the kobold's lair when no one was looking and ran away. The "slave" ended up dying, and it was an extremely confusing process for the party to get his corpse back for resurrection.

[Silly Wizard]

-snip-

Dude, the gelatinous cube thing is hilarious.

And resurrect after Keep on the Shadowfell? That campaign only brings you up to 3rd level, why would you resurrect when you have so little resources?

[Meirnon]

Dude, the gelatinous cube thing is hilarious.

And resurrect after Keep on the Shadowfell? That campaign only brings you up to 3rd level, why would you resurrect when you have so little resources?

Some people don't wanna go through making a new character, and enjoy making their party members have to pay for their resurrection.

[Andre Fairchilde]

I'm going to cut down long story, and hope it's still funny.

This takes place over two sessions. I'm running the Ravenloft campaign in 3.5 and have a pretty tough party - usually about 6 players of around 8-9th level, so they run right through most of the encounters like food through a goose.

Meaning I'm continually having to tweak the encounters CR, which is fine. That's why I'm the DM, to do this.

So, the party encountered Strahd by chance (the Big Bad Vampire), and although they commenced to do some major damage very quickly, and I had to flee - the cleric cast a spell on herself in the middle of combat.

She didn't say what it was, and we all promptly forgot about it - except her.

Another hour that night, the session is over. We track what time of day it is, and where they are... two weeks go by - next session.

Starts with a major encounter.... they make it... next encounter - a PC is turned to stone... they defeat the thing but are now running like heck from the castle to lick their wounds. We track the time, it's only been perhaps two hours since the major encounter with the villian, but I'm not remembering anything.

Next encounter - they meet some evil fast fey... and I proceed to beat the party up as I have them overmatched... and the cleric is continually hit for little bites of damage.

In come rescuers... actually not - because the party is about to be captured by a third party... The third party (Elven Werewolves) shoot the Cleric (and other characters).... and get a critical success.

The Cleric players says - "I'm dead. I blow up."

Me - "What?" (I didn't want to overmatch them, which sucked - but blow up? )

"Yeah, I cast (can't remember the spell) on myself, it lasts 1 hour per level... when I hit -10 I blow up."

"....Um, what damage does it do?"

"Let's see... 1d8 per level - 4030 ft radius... no save... and I roll 43 hp damage"

"Did you just kill the entire party?"
_______________________________
She had. They would ALL have died. End of campaign.

Except I made a couple of rulings... such as... Reflex saves are allowed... etc.


She was the only one that died... and since it's Ravenloft, she'll be coming back to life somehow...

[Dragero]

Damb it! I must know what the spell is!

[Andre Fairchilde]

(Made me look it up...)

Death Throes (5th level Cleric) from Spell Compendium.

Death Throes
Cleric 5, Sorcerer/Wizard 5
Casting Time - 1 standard action
Range - Personal
Target - You
Duration - 1 hr per level or until you are killed
Saving Throw - None
Spell Resistance - No

If you are killed, your body is instantaneously destroyed in a explosion that deals 1d8 points per caster level to everyone in a 30-foot-radius burst.

This explosion destroys your body, preventing any form of raising or resurrection that requires part of the corpse. A wish, miracle, or true resurrection can restore life.

EDIT** The way I as the DM interpret it, it's a poorly written spell. It says no save - but said the party could get saves.

[Dragero]

Hmmm.....You could use that on your familiar, and make suicidal pets!

[Meirnon]

Hmmm.....You could use that on your familiar, and make suicidal pets!

Actually, that's completely within the rules with spellsharing.

[Dragero]

Thats why I said it!

"Awwww look at the cat!"
Somebody (in the party or enemy) shoots that cat with an arrow
*BOOOM*

[Asta Kask]

It would carry a prohibitive XP cost, though.

[killmaster666]

Such as giving the rest of the party ample time to burn themselves to death while fighting friggin wasps if they screw up pretty bad. The Troll's just the "deus ex machina" if you guys last long enough/the DM takes pity.

exactly :)

[Emlyn]

-snip

He ate it!?! I'm in absolute awe of your players imagination.

-snip

That's one of the more impressive ways to TPK.

[Silly Wizard]

If I was in your party, I'd be really pissed at that. Although I think it's hilarious, I wouldn't find it funny if it happened to me

[Andre Fairchilde]

Yes. One of the party members (the fighter) ran *back* to her to try to save her, had been hit a bunch of times - and was under the amount a ref. save would have given.

I had no idea the spell was still in effect. I would have let her turn it off, even though the book says it can't.

I'll forward this to one of the PCs, and see if he has a comment.

[Meirnon]

Yes. One of the party members (the fighter) ran *back* to her to try to save her, had been hit a bunch of times - and was under the amount a ref. save would have given.

I had no idea the spell was still in effect. I would have let her turn it off, even though the book says it can't.

I'll forward this to one of the PCs, and see if he has a comment.

Reflex doesn't work. ;P

[Andre Fairchilde]

Correct - instead of ending the campaign, I allowed the party Reflex saves. In the end, the Cleric was destroyed and the party captured but no one else died.

My explanation - they are in the demi-plane of Dread - Ravenloft, where they exist at the will of it's lord Strahd the vampire.

[zorba1994]

Dude, the gelatinous cube thing is hilarious.

And resurrect after Keep on the Shadowfell? That campaign only brings you up to 3rd level, why would you resurrect when you have so little resources?

When I'm DMing for new players, I usually allow them to get a resurrection at low cost in exchange for doing some quests from the local cleric.

[Meirnon]

It would carry a prohibitive XP cost, though.

I'm sure a few people would weigh the exp cost positively with a guaranteed 9-20d8 damage, especially if the DM can allow Metamagics on it. Send your pet in, insta-kill, get thrice the exp back from asplodin' a few Mindflayer sorcerers and their mindflayer companions.

[Overlord Xeam]

ok so I have a few. Here we go...

A while back me and two of my closest nerd friends and I started a campaign so it was that we had a DM (Mike), and two players (me and Dylan) and we couldn't get other people to stay so it was just us and we decided to each have 2 characters that eventually grew into 3 chars each.
Mine where Drogash, the angry and drunk dwarven fighter who dual-weilded shields, Ke' Shorn, the smooth-talking and 'artful' human wu'jen who was raised by the dwarf's family when he was found as an orphan and Lilith, the sneaky and skillful hafling rogue who was a defender of an elven forest-city before she became an party member. Dylan's characters were Arvin, the sad farmboy human fighter/dragon shaman who duals greatswords as the situation warrants, Kronin, a brain-damaged village priest turned hero(cleric) whos can only speak in scripture and pick-up lines beacause of the damage, and Bryn, the hilarious and drunken human monk/drunken master. There stage set.

So #1 we were fighting a dragon one time after we revealed it was mind control an elven towns mayor. so we were fighting it and was flying out off the tree we were on (elven town) and we coudn't reach it so we were all like f**k and we had 2 round before i got uns with its breath weapon so we had to think fast and my wu'jen desided to quickly cast ice wall and abusing the rules cast it in a dome on a horizontal plane... of air... above the dragon so its chargin up its breath weapon to smack us all with a tonne of damage and then BAM!!! dome of ice smacks it 30 ft. to the ground and it freaks out swears vengance and flys away with 3 hp left and its tail between its legs.

#2 so we hit the road a few days later after the thanks of the villagers wore off and we were off to our next objective and so in the middle of the night while we were camping out till dawn guess-who comes back. Yeah the dragon so were all caught by suprise and it takes a chunk out of everyones health except Brynn with a breath attack. It wouldn't live to regret not catching Brynn with the corrosive gas. When it decided to land and start beating the tar aout of the party Brynn runs, jumps and grapples the dragon. So the dragon gets pissed and take to the wing again so Brynn will fall off. He doesn't and heas hanging on to its tail and decides to attack it and ends up kicking it in between its back legs and ends up getting a crit so he rolls max damage and Brynn had a buncha feats to do more damage with unarmed attacks aswell as being a monk so he did a tonne of damage and Brynn had feat called roundhouse kick I think (yeah, I know) and what it did was every time he crit he got another free attack that allways hit but u rolled an attack roll so see if it crit and it did d12 plus strength damage and Brynn ended up killing it with a roundhouse kick to the groin while holding on its tail for dear life in mid-flight. Just imagine for a minute how rediculous that is. Later Mike revealed that we had killed a female dragon, while we were looting it. And I was stunned and Dylan asked me what was up and I just asked him "Did you... did you just c**t-punt a dragon to-death?!"

I have other stories but I shouldn't take up even more space.

[Oragami]

This happened just this past Saturday and Sunday...

Me and a group of people here have just recently started to get together and play D&D, and most of us have either never played before, or it's been a while since we've played, so the person who was the DM was making up most of the adventure we were on as we go, with some help from the Monster manual.

We get to the very end of the first adventure, and the DM says that the Rouge in the part (a female IRL and in game) gets felt up/raped by a lich (I think the DM said it was half-lich...dunno where he got that from), and everyone laughed XD

Then later that same day on a new adventure, I asked "Does anyone get violated this time?" and the DM tells the rouge to make a Fortitude save, and she rolls a nat 1.

The DM tells her that her character has herpes XD

She says the only reason we keep her character around is so she's the one the monsters turn to when they want to violate someone