New Worst Session: How Lanky got hisself stabbed!

[Return of Lanky]

So... no doubt a few of you have been wondering where I've been for the last week and a half or so. I showed up, all tough talk about how I was going to be back better than ever. Then, a week and a half ago, my (now) old girlfriend stabbed me.

Like, with a sharp knife stabbed me. Thank god she chose a knife that was short-bladed enough that it didn't get much past my abdominals. It still stung like nothing else in the world. I was layed up in emergency for a day under observation before they let me out and have been dealing with the fallout ever since.

How Lanky got himself stabbed

To make a long story short, my former girfriend is not a gamer. Her jealousy is not aided and abetted in any way, shape, or form by Tammy, who has been one of my closest friends for nearly a decade, been a regular at my gaming table for nearly that long, and is also a thoroughly outrageous flirt. However, I assumed that my girlfriend had learned to deal with Tammy's antics and brush them off, instead of pushing them deep down inside and then ignoring the boiling rage.

So two weeks ago, when I brought in another chick, who was joking around about me being her boyfriend, that proved to be the breaking point. Nadine made one joke too many, perhaps, and drove my girlfriend into a shrieking frenzy mid-session. Though I'll say this in Nadine's defense: Tammy's done worse. Far worse. For a while, For a time Tammy insisted that my lap was the most comfortable chair in my home, after I promised her the most comfortable seat in the place for a month.

My former girlfriend was in the kitchen dicing apples for an apple pie. Myself, Tammy, Steve, Diana and Nadine are gaming in the dining room. I'm GMing a game of Shadowrun, and Nadine, as the party's face, is roleplaying an encounter with the seedy information broker who has the information the runners need.

Now, we were flirting. I'm not going to deny that. It was mostly done in-character, but I'm not going to deny that I've got a bit of a natural chemistry with Nadine. She's a nice enough girl, kinda manic, and we just sort of click. However, I've made no inappropriate advances or suggestions and neither has she. We're adult enough to realize that while there very well exists the possibility for something, I was in a very happy relationship which I wouldn't have traded for the world.

So, in the midst of in-character flirting, my girlfriend stomps into the room and declares “The tramp leaves now!”

Tammy, bless her heart, scowls and stands up. She's caused more than one fight between my girlfriend and I, and I wouldn't lose her for the world. “I'm not leaving anytime soon, honey.”

“I'm not talking about you, but I'll get to you soon.” My soon-to-be-ex-girlfriend declares, hands on hips. One finger thrusts imperiously at Nadine. “This new bitch. Get rid of her.”

See, now here I'm torn. The girl being so unreasonable is a girl who, ten minutes ago, I might have admitted to wanting to marry and settle down with. However, at the same time, I've told all my friends that if they ever put me in a position where I have to choose between one loved one and another, I'll pick the side they don't want me to pick out of spite.

So I stand up, look the girl I love in the eyes, and circle around the table to plant a kiss on her forehead. When I finish, I look her in the eyes and say “There's no way in hell Nadine's leaving over a silly game. Get back in the kitchen and let us play our game, love.”

It was at this time that I felt a rather sharp stabbing pain roughly four inches to the right of my belly button. What with having been stabbed with a paring knife four inches to the right of my belly button and all. It wasn't a deep hit... Probably didn't go in any more than an inch. It still caused me to stumble back into the table.

Steve, bless his soul, noticed right away what had happened. My ex-girlfriend didn't even finish the word “sorry” before getting roundhouse knocked-the-hell-out by a huge bodybuilder type man with a half-dozen inches of height and four-score pounds on her..

I went into shock at this point. Not necessarily from the wound so much as the emotional shock of the girl I thought I'd marry one day stabbing me with a paring knife. It brings a little perspective into one's life. The ambulence arriving was a blur, as were the hours afterwards. Steve did a lot of the talking, and I remember my former girlfriend being led out of the apartment in handcuffs, flour-dusted apron still worn over a skirt and blouse.

I distinctly remember the doctor telling me to stop being a wussy, once he realized I'd not had any of my organs pierced. I told him I was a fan of Titus as well and he got the reference.

The Aftermath

I haven't seen my former girlfriend since, and am currently pressing charges. Might be Assault with a Deadly Weapon, depending. Every time I feel sympathy for my former love, a twinge just to the right of my belly button reminds me why I shouldn't.

And hey, check it out:



They shaved half my stomach for six bloody stitches. I don't know why I find that so amusing.

Anyway, I figured I should swing by and let everyone know what was going on. I'll be back to the House of Horrors soonish.

[Ashtar]

Oh, golly.

Well... Hope you're patched up fine and on your way to recovery. And don't worry, girls love scars ^^.

You win points from me by going to hell and back for your friends.

[Fri]

Correct me if I'm wrong, but by nadine you mean nadine, your doppleganger's ex girlfriend? With chains of event that goes why back to the psychotic DM?

Wow, just wow.

Seriously man. You got some bad juju or something.

[SoD]

...whoa. Now that's a story and a half, but didn't your old worst session story end with someone getting taken away by the cops as well? You might want to stop that before it becomes a habit.

Hope you're feeling better soon though!

[Castaras]

Woah.

You have my deepest sympathy Lanky. Ouch.

[Swordguy]

Christ man...

Here I didn't think there was any way you could top the last one and still be alive to post about it - and here you go and prove me wrong. I've been stabbed before (both onstage and in a real knife engagement), so believe me when I tell you that you're lucky as hell to have that pathetic of a wound.

Hope you're doing well, and here's hoping you get over the shock of your now-ex-GF doing that OK. You also owe Steve a beer.

Also, I'm sure this will be an epic thread.


(SO VERY GLAD right now my wife's a gamer - else she'd probably have done this years ago.)

[JeminiZero]

Which goes to show that if you truly love someone, you must set them free. Or something like that.

As mentioned by others, you were incredibly lucky that the knife missed your vitals.

On the other hand, it must be heart-breaking to have been so betrayed by your near-fiancee. Well, better now than after getting hitched. Hopefully this won't cause you to develop trust issues (*cough* Something Positive *cough*)

On the creepy side, I can see that guy getting a fake scar to match the fake character sheet on his wall.

[Serpentine]

I haven't seen my former girlfriend since, and am currently pressing charges. Might be Assault with a Deadly Weapon, depending. Every time I feel sympathy for my former love, a twinge just to the right of my belly button reminds me why I shouldn't.

Word of defence/sympathy from the recently-scorned: I think I know the sort of state of mind she was in. It was that sort of a state of mind that led me to nearly break my toe. I don't know what I would've done if the object/s of my ire had actually been to hand. So I know the sort of absolute blinding range she was probably under, and to have you right in front of her when she had the knife right there in her hand... Well, it doesn't take much more than a thought to just twitch your arm forward a bit, but more of a thought to think "I actually don't want to do that". But yeah... jeesh. Glad you're okay

[potatocubed]

Your life needs to be less eventful.

Or at least, more 'pies and ice cream' eventful and less 'maniacs and stabbing' eventful.

[Fri]

Which goes to show that if you truly love someone, you must set them free. Or something like that.

Why did I read that as "if you truly love someone, you must set them (on) fire"

Anyway, are you sure you never defiled an ancient indian burial ground or temple or something as a kid, preferably when "roleplaying" cowboy and indians or knights and dragons or something?

[Jalor]

...I just realized you're the same guy who had to call the cops on his psychotic DM. That... I don't think any of my sessions have ever come close. Not even to you're first one. Seeing as how nobody's ever so much as hit anyone during my sessions, let alone been arrested.

You have terrible luck. It's like the forum roller does the d20 rolls for your life.

[Defiant]

That's amazing! I'm glad you're OK.

Now if you don't mind, I'm going to plagiarize your story (j/k)

[Silence]

...Whoa... Dude, I'm happy you got out of that well. I'm sorry about that. Good luck with making amends.

[Swok]

You certainly have an interesting life.

[InaVegt]

Well, Lanky, who did you piss of that they cursed you with an interesting life?

[Raz_Fox]

I will echo the sentiment above. That must be one crazy life, Lanky. I hope you eventually find someone to settle down with.

I wish you luck, and hope you consider the wonderful world of Play-by-Posts, where no one can stab you or try to kick you out of your house.

[Tom_Violence]

...whoa. Now that's a story and a half, but didn't your old worst session story end with someone getting taken away by the cops as well?

Wow, if that's true, Lanky I want to come to some of your gaming sessions! They sound like a frigging hoot!

This thread makes me appreciate my girlfriend, for though she does not game, she is at least not an absolutely mental balloon.

[Swok]

And hopefully entertaining in a way that does not regularly include law enforcement.

[phoenixineohp]

My order of thoughts:

-Reading the title-
'You took the wrong inspiration from the mugging thread?'

-Reading the thread-
Damn man.

-Reading closer-

“There's no way in hell Nadine's leaving over a silly game. Get back in the kitchen and let us play our game, love.”

Baaaaaaad idea. Baaaaaaaaaaaaad idea.

Other notes:

Steve wins a lot of awesome points. Excellent initiative roll, even if it was one late. And kudos for the Titus reference. Good for you for shutting the doctor up. I hate it when they try that.

What did Tammy and Nadine do when it happened? Did they visit you in the hospital?

After realizing what she had done, and you know, become conscious again, what did she do?

Good luck man. Least it's a quick way to end a relationship. No 'dumping' issues. "Are we still together?" 'You STABBED me.'

[Felixaar]

...*slow, building applause*.

High five's all round, except for your ex of course.

Good work on standing by your friends, and then to steve on taking action.

It might not mean much to you, but I'm proud of you.

oh, and I must ask - are you going to continue the campaign?

[13_CBS]

...you know, for a guy who was just horribly betrayed by the love of his life, Lanky's taking this pretty well.

[OverdrivePrime]

...and that's why I never ever tell my wife to get back into the kitchen. Well, that and I'm the primary cook in our family.


Holy crap, Lanky! It's a good thing she wasn't making fillets or something requiring a larger blade. I always enjoy reading the stories of your insane real life gaming encounters (can anyone estimate the ECL on this one?), but this one really shocked the hell out of me.

I'm glad you're on the mend, and it sounds like you've got an outstanding batch of friends to support you. Much respect to Steve for his entirely appropriate and gender-blind response to the threat. Your instant-ex was probably feeling that for a few days.

[Jack Squat]

Baaaaaaad idea. Baaaaaaaaaaaaad idea.

Why? She had just come from the kitchen, and he was trying to diffuse the situation by separating them. I'm going to assume that the closest room to her was still the kitchen.

Lanky: good job standing up for your friends, and luckily you didn't need more than a few stitches.

[Mordokai]

-Reading closer-

Baaaaaaad idea. Baaaaaaaaaaaaad idea.

Is it a bad sign that my thoughts were excatly the same when I read that? Come on man, you don't tell a woman to go back in the kitchen while you're having fun and expect to get away with it

Getting more serious, glad to hear you're ok after everything Hope everything works out ok for you.

[Gygaxphobia]

Well that's one way to find out if you're about to get engaged to a nutter.

You know she might not be that crazy, she just took her AOO when you kissed her, who can blame her?

[EllysW]

I read this thread by accident (inattentive clicking this morning) and thought I probably shouldn't reply, as I don't know you, but it's kind of been on my mind all morning. First of all, my sympathies for your awful experience. I mean, that's really terrible, and I'm glad you're going to be okay. Stabbing is never good. And now that I know that's apparently not obvious to everyone, I must teach it to my daughters. "Girls," I'll say, "stabbing is never good. Remember, never stab your loved ones."

So it's not like I think there's any excuse. I'm just kind of curious about the dynamic up to that point, and it's something I've never understood about guys, even with me being all old and married to one and stuff. So I'm just asking a question about guys -- ignore if you like, but I'm not trying to be argumentative, just to raise a point that has long eluded me.

It sounds like there was a lot of mutual flirting over time, if not instigated by you then not apparently discouraged either, even in the presence of your girlfriend.

And this is what I don't get. Flirting with others in front of your SO tends to be hurtful to said SO, even if she knows it's just flirting. It's a normal response. (IMO, most women who flirt in front of a guy's girlfriend know this full well, and I think it's a power thing that I don't at all respect.) Unless a guy is really dense about emotional stuff, he probably knows that it hurts. And yet, men place the responsibility for managing that hurt entirely on the girlfriend -- for example, you say you thought she had "learned to deal with it."

Did you ever think of cooling it when your gf was around? She was already excluded from a big part of your social life -- presumably by her choice, but still, she was the one in the kitchen doing the domestic goddess act while you're gaming with your longtime friends. And then it sounds like she had to listen, session after session, to stuff like "Your lap is the most comfortable place to sit," with both you and Tammy knowing full well that she could hear. I've known few woman who wouldn't be bothered by this.

Again, this is no excuse for stabbing you. I mean, for Pete's sake, she STABBED you! But I would bet that she was hurt and had been hurting for a long time. Plenty of women would be hurt. So here's my question: Why do that? Is flirting at will more important than the comfort and happiness of someone you say you could have spent your life with? Stabbing is more not-okay, for sure. But if you were hurting her, why is that okay, either?

Hope you're feeling better.

[valadil]

Damn man. Why even roleplay when your life is this eventful? Or do you roleplay mundane characters who never get restraining orders or stab wounds?

[AKA_Bait]

@EllysW: I tend to agree.

Lanky man, you have horrible luck, but you might also want to consider just how much of these kinds of situations are a result of your own contributions as well. I said it on the earlier thead about your imposter and I suppose I'll repeat it here: having Nadine at your gaming table (particularly if there was a longstanding issue with Tammy) was not a good idea. Flirting with her, particularly after the 'you're my boyfriend' situation, in front of your girlfriend was, I have no doubt, extremely hurtful. Flip perspectives for a moment and picture if it was you in the kitchen baking your expected fiance a pie as they flirted with two guys, one a new face she got to know under the circumstances that you did and ask yourself just how stable and reasoned your reaction to the situation would have been after a even a little while. Particularly if after after you reach a point where you can't take it emotionally anymore, confront the situation, and are told to "get back in the kitchen". I know my own reaction to that would have been less than stellar.

Don't get me wrong, your former girl should never have stabbed you. No one is, or will, defend that. However, I might venture here that pressing charges against her is probably bad for everyone. I doubt, given the chance, that she would do it again were she in a more stable frame of mind. I doubt, frankly, that she made a fully conscious decision to stab you, in fact. I'm not saying you should get back with her. You should not. A clean break would probably be best for everyone, and pressing charges will make the break much messier than it has to be. Also, clearly, you loved this girl. For your own sake, I'd suggest using what little peices of that love are left in your heart to forgive her enough not to potentially ruin her life any more than the already occured consequences of actions have. Just being arrested for something like this will follow her for the rest of her life. Every job she ever applies to will ask. It will turn up on every background check for everything. Being convicted, of assault with a deadly weapon (which seems the likley charge in this case), could be much, much worse for her. Ask yourself if, given the situation that lead up to it, you really want that, rather than having forgiven her at least that little bit, on your head in the years to come.

[OverdrivePrime]

And this is what I don't get. Flirting with others in front of your SO tends to be hurtful to said SO, even if she knows it's just flirting. It's a normal response. (IMO, most women who flirt in front of a guy's girlfriend know this full well, and I think it's a power thing that I don't at all respect.) Unless a guy is really dense about emotional stuff, he probably knows that it hurts. And yet, men place the responsibility for managing that hurt entirely on the girlfriend -- for example, you say you thought she had "learned to deal with it."

I've gotta say that I strongly agree with EllysW here. I know I'd be more than a little steamed if my wife had a bunch of sexually vocal male friends over all the time that she flirted with.

However, I certainly don't assume that my own fairly standard and sane relationship is the template for all relationships. I have plenty of friends who have an understanding with their S.O. that not only is flirtation with others encouraged, it actually serves to heat up the passions between the two of them. What I think is the primary requirement for all relationships to stay healthy is a combination of constant communication and respect. If Lanky's ex was having a hard time with Lanky flirting with his friends, it's her responsibility to say so after the event. And one that conversation happens, it's important to respect the feelings and needs of both people and sort out what needs to happen to prevent the problem from building.

Regardless, I applaud EllysW for teaching the important lesson of "Do Not Stab" to the next generation, and recommend a primer in "The Perils of Slashing" and "Kneecaps Are Our Friends".

[Quincunx]

This is a nuisance. Lankybugger's local police department only has records online up to the 15th of October and more updated police sites limit their briefs to robberies. [EDIT: Found where they stowed the fully updated links. Search engine not as impressive as could be hoped.]