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  1. - Top - End - #1
    Ettin in the Playground
     
    Heliomance's Avatar

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    Default To woo a goddess...

    Some of you may be aware from my previous posts that I'm currently playing in a game where all the PCs are dragons. Now, I've been thinking about where my character, a copper dragon bard, is going to end up, and I think that when he's much older, he'll probably try proposing to Hlal. Now, I think that to have any chance of a positive answer, I'm going to need to start work now along the path of increasing devotion. Currently I'm only Juvenile, at 14 HD, but there's a lot of groundwork to be laid. So.

    How would you go about wooing a goddess? And when/if I succeed, how should I actually propose? Currently I'm telling the odd legend of her with perform checks averaging at about 48, but I've not got any more concrete ideas than that. Also, I'm thinking that it might be quite fun to propose with a ring stolen from Astilabor. Thoughts?
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    I am unable to respond due to the awesomness of seducing a god, sorry
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    Orc in the Playground
     
    Revanmal's Avatar

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    Default Re: To woo a goddess...

    A giant statue and/or temple in her honor.

    Destroy a temple of her greatest enemy in her name.

    Offer a rare or priceless item to her main temple that she would appreciate.

    In other words, show devotion just like you would any regular girl... except bigger.
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    Ogre in the Playground
     
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    Default Re: To woo a goddess...

    Candy and flowers?

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    Halfling in the Playground
     
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    Default Re: To woo a goddess...

    Wow, there's a new concept...

    You could try flowers, but they would have to be of a species in which only one specimen exists and it is inside a volcano somewhere guarded by te tarrasque.

    Or candy, perhaps made from pure, 100% melted deliciousness resloidified into cute little hearts.

    All I can say is good luck!
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    Bugbear in the Playground
     
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    Default Re: To woo a goddess...

    Singing of "High of above me"? Actually, she would probably be the one female that would be insulted by being compared to Cleopatra or Joan of Arc.

    You have to figure out whether she is the "I hate hubris" sort of god or the "I like confident men" type. If she's the former, serve her faithfully like a cleric and she may reward you by polymorphing into livestock for a one-night stand. If she's the later, you can't show any weakness and you have to approach her as a god-to-a-godess. Either way, she'd have high expectations.
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    Ogre in the Playground
     
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    Default Re: To woo a goddess...

    Go on a crusade, killing followers of her greatest enemy?
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  7. - Top - End - #7
    Ogre in the Playground
     
    Reinboom's Avatar

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    Default Re: To woo a goddess...

    Be Elminster.

    Sleep with a different goddess to make her jealous.

    Drive a fancy sports cart.

    Or.. more in line with Hlal's aspect or portfolio...
    Kill Seinfeld.
    Kill Carlos Mencia.

    Or..
    Start doing fausty things. Afro bombs are a plus.
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    Barbarian in the Playground
     
    ClericGuy

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    Default Re: To woo a goddess...

    Is it wrong that when I first saw Lloth I thought she was kinda hot and then I thought. "How can I get my neutral good dude to woo her without dieing a horrible, horrible death?"

    ...Yes, I am messed up
    Quote Originally Posted by shadow_archmagi View Post

    DM says: WHY!? WHY!? WHY?!
    DM means: NO! NO! NO!!!
    Player hears: GOOD JOB PLAYER! DO IT AGAIN AND AGAIN!
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  9. - Top - End - #9
    Dwarf in the Playground
     
    Zombie

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    Default Re: To woo a goddess...

    Well, just make sure you have stats comparable to hers at the time of the proposal. It's no fun to marry someone who sucks/kicks your ass at everything. Also, you might consider prepping her for it a bit with some early friendship instead of just showing up out of nowhere with a ring.

  10. - Top - End - #10
    Troll in the Playground
     
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    Default Re: To woo a goddess...

    Open with a good joke.
    Me: I'd get the paladin to help, but we might end up with a kid that believes in fairy tales.
    DM: aye, and it's not like she's been saved by a mysterious little girl and a band of real live puppets from a bad man and worse step-sister to go live with the faries in the happy land.
    Me: Yeah, a knight in shining armour might just bring her over the edge.

  11. - Top - End - #11
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    KKL's Avatar

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    Default Re: To woo a goddess...

    Becoming a diety would help.

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    Orc in the Playground
     
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    Default Re: To woo a goddess...

    Maybe like romeo and juliet, but instead of a balcony the clouds.
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  13. - Top - End - #13
    Bugbear in the Playground
     
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    Default Re: To woo a goddess...

    Quote Originally Posted by Heliomance View Post
    Some of you may be aware from my previous posts that I'm currently playing in a game where all the PCs are dragons. Now, I've been thinking about where my character, a copper dragon bard, is going to end up, and I think that when he's much older, he'll probably try proposing to Hlal. Now, I think that to have any chance of a positive answer, I'm going to need to start work now along the path of increasing devotion. Currently I'm only Juvenile, at 14 HD, but there's a lot of groundwork to be laid. So.
    I'm not sure that devotion is sufficient. She'd probably rather be able to treat you as an equal and a lover than a worshiper.

  14. - Top - End - #14
    Ogre in the Playground
     
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    Default Re: To woo a goddess...

    Quote Originally Posted by mr.fizzypop View Post
    Maybe like romeo and juliet, but instead of a balcony the clouds.
    I really don't think suicide is the best strategy.
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  15. - Top - End - #15
    Troll in the Playground
     
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    Default Re: To woo a goddess...

    How are you actually going to stand a chance of dating her in the first place? Is this a campaign where the gods are omnipresent and like to throw rocks at the windows of atheists or is this just some grand ambition of your character? Of course, if the goddess just lets you down gently, don't take it too badly. It takes a lot to impress a goddess, a lot.
    -Overthrow despot rulers in her name.
    -Give the hoards of evil dragons to her as a sacrifice.
    -Perform the Head of Vecna prank on as many Evil Worshipers of Vecna as you can find.
    -Write a thousand good stories and always state that she was an inspiration to you.
    -Carve her holy symbol into a mountain so that it can be seen a mile away.
    -Pull a prank on a different god. Trickery is one of her domains, she'd think it'd be impressive.
    -Pull a prank on either her, Garl Glittergold, or Olidammara. Not only is it insanely difficult, but they appreciate pranks the most.
    -Make an entire nation think that you're their king for a single day.
    -Get every citizen of that nation to sing a song in her honor all at once.
    -If you manage to pull off becoming a king, be a just and fair king. She hates despots.
    -Make a joke that gets every citizen of a nation to laugh at once.
    -Create the funniest joke in the world (Monty Python reference) and get a hated tyrant to die from laughing at it.
    Last edited by UglyPanda; 2008-11-07 at 10:59 PM.
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  16. - Top - End - #16
    Ogre in the Playground
     
    monty's Avatar

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    Default Re: To woo a goddess...

    Quote Originally Posted by UglyPanda View Post
    -Create the funniest joke in the world (Monty Python reference) and get a hated tyrant to die from laughing at it.
    Mary Poppins reference?
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  17. - Top - End - #17
    Troll in the Playground
     
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    Default Re: To woo a goddess...

    Quote Originally Posted by monty View Post
    Mary Poppins reference?
    Here's the sketch. Though it does remind me a bit of Mary Poppins now that you've mentioned it.
    Last edited by UglyPanda; 2008-11-07 at 11:08 PM.
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  18. - Top - End - #18
    Ettin in the Playground
     
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    Default Re: To woo a goddess...

    Quote Originally Posted by UglyPanda View Post
    How are you actually going to stand a chance of dating her in the first place? Is this a campaign where the gods are omnipresent and like to throw rocks at the windows of atheists or is this just some grand ambition of your character? Of course, if the goddess just lets you down gently, don't take it too badly. It takes a lot to impress a goddess, a lot.
    -Overthrow despot rulers in her name.
    -Give the hoards of evil dragons to her as a sacrifice.
    -Perform the Head of Vecna prank on as many Evil Worshipers of Vecna as you can find.
    -Write a thousand good stories and always state that she was an inspiration to you.
    -Carve her holy symbol into a mountain so that it can be seen a mile away.
    -Pull a prank on a different god. Trickery is one of her domains, she'd think it'd be impressive.
    -Pull a prank on either her, Garl Glittergold, or Olidammara. Not only is it insanely difficult, but they appreciate pranks the most.
    -Make an entire nation think that you're their king for a single day.
    -Get every citizen of that nation to sing a song in her honor all at once.
    -If you manage to pull off becoming a king, be a just and fair king. She hates despots.
    -Make a joke that gets every citizen of a nation to laugh at once.
    -Create the funniest joke in the world (Monty Python reference) and get a hated tyrant to die from laughing at it.
    Hmm, some good ideas there.
    I think this isn't quite so much of a pipe dream as it would be in most cases. We've already managed to go to Celestia and stroll into Bahamut's throne room to say hi. We ended up getting each getting a diamond the size of one of the party members, which he autographed for us. We also invited him to a sushi and paella meet, which he did in fact turn up to. And we will be becoming epic quite rapidly. As I say, I'm already level 14 and only three age categories in, and we level up three levels at a time.
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    Quote Originally Posted by hotel_papa View Post
    I maintain that until I see a movie trailer where Patrick Stewart introduces himself as Mordenkainen, there never was and never will be a D&D movie.
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    I am unable to respond due to the awesomness of seducing a god, sorry
    Quote Originally Posted by Kalirren View Post
    The only person in the past two pages who has known what (s)he has been talking about is Heliomance.

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    Firbolg in the Playground
     
    Emperor Tippy's Avatar

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    Default Re: To woo a goddess...

    Trick beams of light into thinking that the speed of light is different so that you spell out your proposal in the night sky? Being able to trick the universe should impress her.

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    I just created my own stars when I proposed to a goddess in one game, ah the fun of epic magic.
    People who think Tippy equals win.
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    Clearly, this is because Tippy equals Win.
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    Wow... Tippy, you equal win.
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    Tippy, I knew, in the back of my mind, that you would have the answer. Why? Cause you win. That's why.
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    Alright. I finally surrender. Tippy, you do in fact equal win. You have claimed the position of being my idol.

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  20. - Top - End - #20
    Orc in the Playground
     
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    Default Re: To woo a goddess...

    Well you've started off on the right foot. Storytelling is definitely a good foundation for Hlal. It is her thing and all. Ignore all the advice about destruction and conquering in her name because IIRC she hates bullying.

    So my, possible corny, advice: For now just continue with your storytelling. Epic romantic stories for bonus brownie points. Once you think she may be paying you any kind of special attention whatsoever move on to tactic number two: Talk to her. I mean she's a goddess, she's up to her ears in worship, an intelligent conversation would probably be a refreshing change of pace for her. And then, yes, you will have to do something special for her along the lines of questing for the perfect gift when you wish to reveal your feelings.

    Oh and as far as proposing goes, you should most definitely open up with a serenade.

    Uhhh... attaining some form of divinity and claiming you did it to be closer her is also a good way to go I suppose.
    If I had a +1 Pan of Frying I could totally do that!

  21. - Top - End - #21
    Ettin in the Playground
     
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    Default Re: To woo a goddess...

    I did consider the "rearrange the stars" method, but I thought she'd probably be more amused by presenting her with a ring nicked from Astilabor the Hoardmistress.
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    Quote Originally Posted by hotel_papa View Post
    I maintain that until I see a movie trailer where Patrick Stewart introduces himself as Mordenkainen, there never was and never will be a D&D movie.
    Quote Originally Posted by dixieboy View Post
    I am unable to respond due to the awesomness of seducing a god, sorry
    Quote Originally Posted by Kalirren View Post
    The only person in the past two pages who has known what (s)he has been talking about is Heliomance.

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  22. - Top - End - #22
    Firbolg in the Playground
     
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    Default Re: To woo a goddess...

    *shrug*

    Basically pull off an epically difficult trick. Convincing light to change its speed, stealing from the god of hoarding, tricking another god into giving you all their divine power, tricking her into thinking that you are her are already married...

    All work.
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    Quote Originally Posted by Tyndmyr View Post
    Clearly, this is because Tippy equals Win.
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    Tippy=Win
    Quote Originally Posted by Gavinfoxx View Post
    Wow... Tippy, you equal win.
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    Tippy, I knew, in the back of my mind, that you would have the answer. Why? Cause you win. That's why.
    Quote Originally Posted by Mithril Leaf View Post
    Alright. I finally surrender. Tippy, you do in fact equal win. You have claimed the position of being my idol.

    Quote Originally Posted by Someone who shall remain anonymous
    This post contains 100% Tippy thought. May contain dangerous amounts of ludicrousness and/or awesomeness.

  23. - Top - End - #23
    Ogre in the Playground
     
    NecromancerGuy

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    Default Re: To woo a goddess...

    Easy. Take bard presitiege to get 9th level spells. Get epic casting. Break epic casting. Create Epic Mind Rape.

    Epic Mind Rape Deity.

    Easier way: 120 perform check to make people worship you. Gain divine ranks. Become an equal level god. Woo. Become bitter and rampage in her name. She hates you. Create epic mind rape. See first part of post.

    Everything is solved with sufficient mind raping.

  24. - Top - End - #24
    Ettin in the Playground
     
    Heliomance's Avatar

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    Default Re: To woo a goddess...

    ...
    Not sure that's quite compatible with being Chaotic Good.
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    Quote Originally Posted by hotel_papa View Post
    I maintain that until I see a movie trailer where Patrick Stewart introduces himself as Mordenkainen, there never was and never will be a D&D movie.
    Quote Originally Posted by dixieboy View Post
    I am unable to respond due to the awesomness of seducing a god, sorry
    Quote Originally Posted by Kalirren View Post
    The only person in the past two pages who has known what (s)he has been talking about is Heliomance.

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  25. - Top - End - #25
    Firbolg in the Playground
     
    Emperor Tippy's Avatar

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    Default Re: To woo a goddess...

    Quote Originally Posted by Heliomance View Post
    ...
    Not sure that's quite compatible with being Chaotic Good.
    Trick chaotic good into thinking it's compatible
    People who think Tippy equals win.
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    Quote Originally Posted by Tyndmyr View Post
    Clearly, this is because Tippy equals Win.
    Quote Originally Posted by Sunken Valley View Post
    Tippy=Win
    Quote Originally Posted by Gavinfoxx View Post
    Wow... Tippy, you equal win.
    Quote Originally Posted by Immabozo View Post
    Tippy, I knew, in the back of my mind, that you would have the answer. Why? Cause you win. That's why.
    Quote Originally Posted by Mithril Leaf View Post
    Alright. I finally surrender. Tippy, you do in fact equal win. You have claimed the position of being my idol.

    Quote Originally Posted by Someone who shall remain anonymous
    This post contains 100% Tippy thought. May contain dangerous amounts of ludicrousness and/or awesomeness.

  26. - Top - End - #26
    Ogre in the Playground
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    Default Re: To woo a goddess...

    [ignores funny-disturbing Epic Mind Rape madness that would get your character's soul ground into a fine mist and scattered to the ends of creation by any of her friends among other deities/epic spellcasters]

    You're probably going to have to have your character get into a realistic situation to make him fall in love with her as well (something more than "she's a goddess about whom many stories are told"). You could talk to your DM about this, perhaps.

    As for the harder question of her falling for your character... well, you've got lots of good advice. But you'll probably have to play him as being a-frikkin-dorable whatever he does to have a hope at it. And would he have had any prior relationships? As a goddess, regular mortal inexperience would be bad enough; virgin mortal inexperience (whether with courtship, relationships, or the other thing) would surely just be too much of a pain. But perhaps I'm getting a bit too realistic for this kind of epic story... and if you were an epic virgin copper dragon (!), she might at least go for de-whatsiting you, even if she doesn't then stick around after .

  27. - Top - End - #27
    Ettin in the Playground
     
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    Default Re: To woo a goddess...

    You know, I think gods are the exception to the rule that "I built you a shrine" is creepy.
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  28. - Top - End - #28
    Ettin in the Playground
     
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    Default Re: To woo a goddess...

    Quote Originally Posted by shadow_archmagi View Post
    You know, I think gods are the exception to the rule that "I built you a shrine" is creepy.
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    Last edited by Heliomance; 2008-11-08 at 08:42 AM.
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    Quote Originally Posted by hotel_papa View Post
    I maintain that until I see a movie trailer where Patrick Stewart introduces himself as Mordenkainen, there never was and never will be a D&D movie.
    Quote Originally Posted by dixieboy View Post
    I am unable to respond due to the awesomness of seducing a god, sorry
    Quote Originally Posted by Kalirren View Post
    The only person in the past two pages who has known what (s)he has been talking about is Heliomance.

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  29. - Top - End - #29
    Ogre in the Playground
     
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    Default Re: To woo a goddess...

    Quote Originally Posted by BobVosh View Post
    Easy. Take bard presitiege to get 9th level spells. Get epic casting. Break epic casting. Create Epic Mind Rape.
    Ignoring the bit about Mind-rape, epic spellcasting is actually a reasonable starting point. As others have mentioned, getting her to marry you (as oppose to merely liking you as a highly devoted servant) involves getting her to see you as an equal, and the easiest way to equal a God(dess) is via Epic Magic.

    Emperor Tippy has some stories on how he used Epic Magic to woo a Goddess, which I am surprised he hasn't posted/linked to yet. (What do you want? You want the moon? Just say the word and I'll craft an Epic spell and mitigate the DC with my army of solars).
    Last edited by JeminiZero; 2008-11-08 at 09:11 AM.

  30. - Top - End - #30
    Orc in the Playground
     
    Goblin

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    Default Re: To woo a goddess...

    Sing like you never sung before.

    That's your best shot really.
    Totally getting something nice here, when the time is right that is.

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