Helping IntSec with their inquieries.

[BornAgainGamer]

BARGY-R-GEE-1 Hygeine Officer

"Excellent fellow troubleshooter Izzy-R-DOC-1. The computer will be most pleased with you volunteering to be the first to succumb to the hygiene inspection. Now please remove your jump suit while I get the equipment ready". Bargy sets the PHT to depth 50 and gets ready for the inspection. He turns to the remaining troubleshooters "Now, this may take some time, how about someone checks out these vendobots and while your at it, could you get me a refreshing drink, this hygiene inspection is very thirsty work."

[Evil DM Mark3]

OK no perversity came through.
The needle goes in with a little sting, leaving behind no noticeable injury. Result comes back, subject meets minimum hygiene requirements.

[BornAgainGamer]

BARGY-R-GEE-1

"Well done Izzy - as clean as if you'd just left the vats. I will commend your level of hygiene to the computer in our mission debriefing. You can put your jumpsuit back on now. I don't suppose you could do me a favour and get me a drink from one of the vendabots, could you." Bargy turns to the rest of the troubleshooters, "RIGHT, NEXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXT" he yelled.

[DJDeMiko]

Bob-R-BOB-1

"Men! This is going far too slowly! We have important business for friend computer and we must make with it post haste! Hygiene officer, scan us in formation order and make it quick!"


When the needle goes in

Spoiler

Show

Bob-R-BOB-1 notices a new vid being shown on a nearby screen and turns to face it right as the needle goes in.

[Evil DM Mark3]

2 perversity
The needle goes in fine but the device registers a result of "Overlimits, please readminiser." As the needle comes out it causes a fountain of blood to follow it, getting blood all over the floor and BARGY's arm. The wound then stops bleeding.

[BornAgainGamer]

BARGY-R-GEE-1

Bargy made sure he got a record on his PDC of Bob bleeding onto the floor and thus soiling property of the computer. Given the result of "overlimit" ,Bargy decided that he could take no chances and immediately administers EMERGENCY MAXIMUM POWER FILTH REMOVAL on Bob.

"Hold on fearless team leader, this is guaranteed to make you the cleanest and hygieneliest troubleshooter in the computer's service" sang Bargy with glee. "Now, about that drink. NEXXXXXXXXXXXXXXTTTTTTTTTTTT".

[Jokes]

Izzy HapO

The Happiness Officer salutes with his puppet hand. "Can do." He stops however to watch the next test.

As the blood trickles out, Izzy's face turns pale and his smile fades, replaced with genuine horror. His scream permeates the halls, followed by a dull thud as his limp body hits the floor.

[Evil DM Mark3]

As he spray touches Bob his skin begins to blister and pop, then liquefy. Bob-R-Bob-1 dissolves into a of hissing, bubbling, steaming fat. You would do well by the way not to leave any of the highly expencive equipment behind.

Bob-R-Bob is currently dead. No comments are permitted from the currently deceased.

[BornAgainGamer]

BARGY-R-GEE-1 Hygiene Officer (and stain removal expert)

"Wow, that EMERGENCY MAXIMUM POWER FILTH REMOVAL is really effective. In my report to the computer I will be sure to mention the undesireable side effects. NEXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTT"

[Sicarius]

Rubiks-R-QUB-1

Rubiks goes to the team leader's bubbling, smoking corpse. Instantly her mind starting buzzing. All the vidshow stars, all of them, when something like this happened, they came up with some sort of witty catchphrase. That's what she needed was some sort of witty catchphrase. Catchphrase, catchphrase. She couldn't be a vidshow star unless she had the perfect witty line. But now time was wasting. She needed to speak right then. "He sort of looks like ColdFun from this angle."

Not good. But it was better than nothing. "Team Leader said formation order, but Team Leader contradicted his own orders and is unable to give us new orders." Rubiks-R-QUB rummaged in her bag and found her can of BBB, useful for emergencies. "My personal BBB will gladly go towards mission success if it makes the Hygiene Officier more happy." She looks a little bit at Izzy-R-DOC, but then looks at the Hygiene Officer, holding the can of B3 in her hands. "Of course, I need to be tested for cleanliness first, and I can't give it toos you if I don't meet the requirements. Wouldn't want you to get dirty, after all."

[Evil DM Mark3]

1 perversity for that quip.

[BornAgainGamer]

BARGY-R-GEE-1

"OK Rubiks, the computer will admire your dedication to the cause. I'll test your hygiene first then take a nice cool refreshing slurp of BBB" smiled Bargy. "Now just remove your jumpsuit and we'll begin the inspection".

Bargy remembered something Rubiks had said about gender determination but in all the excitement he couldn't recall the detail. He brandished the PHT and sets about testing Rubiks hygiene.

[Evil DM Mark3]

The needle goes in with a little sting, leaving behind no noticeable injury. Result comes back, subject meets minimum hygiene requirements.

[BornAgainGamer]

BARGY-R-GEE-1

"Nice one Rubiks - peachy clean. Now how about that BBB. NEXXXXXXXXXXXXXXTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTT"

[Sicarius]

Rubiks-R-QUB-1

"Here you are." Rubiks-R-QUB sets the BBB next to the hygiene officers foot. She then went to the Team Captain's corpse and picked through all of his equipment, leaving nothing behind. She then called in on her PDC for a scrubbot to wash the remains of the ex-Team Captain from the ground."Maintanence is Job 1! Oh, Communications! I need you to film the delivery receptacle of the BBB autovend while I utilize it. This way, we will have enough footage." Rubiks-R strikes another Teela-O pose, and then moves near the autovend, ensuring that the communications has a perfect line of sight, straight on to the BBB autovend. Rubiks-R stands to the side, ensuring the communications officer has a clear shot of the delivery mechanism, whether or not he complies, and uses the MESPECIAL to purchase a single bottle of BBB, Extra Classic.

[Aergoth]

Eric-R-TAT-1

Eric, glad to be away from the manic hygeine officer and his device of doom, quickly follows the intrepid Rubiks to the Autovend to capture this moment. And to keep his own skin clear of the spray happy Bargy As the BBB can rolls out, Eric quickly turns to capture the continued bubling of the corpse, zooming with the videocam to ensure maximum. "You know, I do think that being reduced to sizling goop is bad hygeine... After all, the Team Leader might stain one of Friend Computer's floors."

[Reptilius]

Chester-R-HAM-1

Chester photographed the remains of the emphatically dead Bob-R-BOB, and wrote down the circumstances and results of each hygiene test. Perhaps there was something that could be interpreted from them later. "If he failed a simple hygiene test, there must have been something wrong with him," he lowered his voice, "maybe he was a mutant."

"Anyway, as our Loyalty Officer, it seems only right that I should volunteer. Especially after the death of our only Team Leader. A shame. Perhaps the Hygiene Officer is more important."

[BornAgainGamer]

Before undertaking Chester's hygiene test, Bargy drained the delicious BBB in one slug. "A fine vintage, one of the computer's best" he let out a loud burp "BUUUUURRRRRRRRRRRRPPPP". Smiling drunkenly he slurred "Beshtter ousht than insh" He tried manfully to keep the PHT pointing in one direction and called out to Chester "Wonsht yoush shtand shtill for a minutshe"

[Evil DM Mark3]

The autovend vends a can of BBB.

As the PHT is applied to Chester-R-HAM a drop of moisture mixed with the spray fumes drops into the exact spot the PHT is applied to, leaving it slightly red and apparently causing Chester-R-HAM to get a set of six dots (in two parallel lines) on his left cheek. The hygiene test comes back "Class A1 Hygiene, congratulation!"

[Jokes]

Izzy

Some of the Bob-ooze seeps towards Izzy's unconscious form. As the slime touches his arm, he takes a dream-swing at it, slamming his palm into the viscous was-Bob. The strange texture rouses him from his feint. "Eww, what is this?" he hold his hand out, letting the ooze drip from his fingers.

[BornAgainGamer]

"Oh Csheshter yourshe sho clean, hic, I'm the beshht hysheen occifer, aren't I , pleassh say yesh, go on pleashh, your my beshht mate, buuuuuuurrrrrrrrrrrrrrrpppppppppppp."

Bargy naturally slips into an old-reckoning glaswegian accent as he tries but fails to put his arm around Chester. He stumbles around looking for more victims, err I mean, subjects for the hygiene inspection but only succeeds in stabbing himself in the groin with the PHT kit.

I guess Bargy had to be checked for hygiene as well

"Oooooooooooooooooouuuuuuuuuccccccccccccccccch " he screamed "Who shtabbed me?" He span around quickly looking for his assailant but only managed to get dizzy and fall over in a heap. The extra exertion pushes him over the edge and he starts to loudly snore.

[Evil DM Mark3]

2 perversity
Dirt is above minimum threshold.

[BornAgainGamer]

BARGY-R-GEE-1

"zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzztttt"

[Evil DM Mark3]

As he is yet to answer it, Chester-R-HAM-1's PDC is still ringing.

[Aergoth]

"I believe our hygiene officer is... incapacitated? That's two and, oh what in the name of the computer is that!" Eric turns his camera on the, apparently moving, Was-Bob ooze, now on Izzy's fingers. "I really don't think that qualifies as good hygiene, but since he's a little worse for wear, you might want to clean that off. Did it actually move? This'll make great TV."

[Sicarius]

Rubiks-R-QUB-1

"Let's try the second BBB autovend." Rubiks-R takes the BBB and writes down that the first autovend worked correctly. She pointed and repeated the process, standing off to side and purchasing the BBB, Extra Classic again.

[Reptilius]

Chester-R-HAM

Chester answers his PDC, having not noticed its ringing during the Team Leader melting situation.

[BornAgainGamer]

BARGY-R-GEE-1

"zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzztttt"

[Evil DM Mark3]

The message on the PDC reads:

Spoiler

Show

The 10 Early Warning Signs of Commie Traitorism

Does the citizen in question:

1. Prefer to share all equipment and credits
   equally?
2. Refer to other Troubleshooters as
   ‘bourgeoisie pigs’?
3. Use his left hand?
4. Leave home without his ME Card?
5. Suggest negotiating with traitors?
6. Lack sincerity?
7. Address The Computer as ‘Comrade’?
8. Long for Classic Bouncy Bubble Beverage when the new improved version is so much better?
9. Have embarrassing underarm stains?
10. Do anything at all you find annoying?

The music stops.

[BornAgainGamer]

BARGY-R-GEE-1

"zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzztttt, cough, cough, zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzttt"