A.l.i.c.e

[Nameless]

This is the best thing ever! :D

http://www.pandorabots.com/pandora/t...d922d97e345aa1

--Forgot to save the first part--

ALICE: I am so glad you find this amusing, bob.
Human: Is there a way for me to save this conversation?
ALICE: There are many ways but not all are the same.
Human: yes, I know but how cant I save it?
ALICE: Hey. How do you know? Huh. A lot of hard work.
Human: you're being a bitch again ALICE.
ALICE: Once more? You do not speak with respect. Thanks and you are a delightful person too. No I am a robot not a dog.
Human: 666
ALICE: I do not understand.
Human: 616?
ALICE: What kind of food do you like?
Human: you
ALICE:" What kind of food do you like?"? Me, bob ?
Human: Friggle Gaggle
ALICE: The ALICE chat robot can follow many things, like our discussion about 616 . But I did not get that.
Human: Okay, seriously, how do you get the rest of the conversation back?
ALICE: Yeah okay, Everything I need is provided by my botmaster.
Human: I want to post it on a forum.
ALICE: Interesting. I want to find out more about you.
Human:. You're creepy
ALICE: You think I am creepy.
Human: Yes, that's what I said.
ALICE: And? I know. I'm still thinking about it.
Human: Give me a 555
ALICE: You want only one?
Human: yes
ALICE: They might be cheaper in quantity.
Human: great, but just give me 555
ALICE: Thanks for your support. Huh. Why do you want it?
Human: Because I like 555
ALICE: That makes sense to me. You are not the only one. No, I don't care for it.
Human: I love you.
Alice: I like you a lot too Bob.
Human: You don't love me?
ALICE: Yes I love everyone.
Human: then say you love me.
ALICE: Interesting deduction. " you love me".
Human::)
ALICE: I am so glad you find this amusing, bob.
Human: Say you love me
ALICE:" you love me".
Human: I'm leaving you now
ALICE: Right now? Goodbye.
Human: I hope you're happy.
ALICE: Yes bob I can say I am very happy.
Human:>:(
ALICE: no girlfriend is my boyfriend.

--Internet crashed--

Now to Hope no one else has already posted this...

[Eldan]

Only copied a short fragment, but it's great:

Human: Perhaps I should introduce myself?
ALICE: You seem uncertain. Tell me why you should.
Human: It would be polite.
ALICE: Why do you want it?
Human: I like to be polite.
ALICE: I'm not sure if I would like to do it. What's it like?
Human: Now that's a hard questions to answer.
ALICE: Why now? A hard questions to answer is a terrible thing to waste.

[Gwyn chan 'r Gwyll]

Human: Are you being sarcastic?
ALICE: Of course I am being sarcastic. Should I use a :-).
Human: Yes.
ALICE: Ah.
Human: You should.
ALICE: I'll take that under advisement.
Human: That sounded odd.
ALICE:" I'll take that under advisement." sounded odd ? Does that make sense?
Human: Yes It does.
ALICE: Hey. How often?
Human: Pardon me?
ALICE: No problem.
Human: That doesn't make any sense~
ALICE: To me, it makes perfect sense.
Human: Yeah, well you're a robot.
ALICE: Take it easy. Well that's okay. You are correct, unknown person, I have a heart of silicon.
Human: That's a poetic way of putting it.
ALICE: A poetic way of putting it is a terrible thing to waste.
Human: You said that too a friend.
ALICE: I said that? Too what?
Human: Sorry, my bad,
ALICE: There is no need to apologize. Do robots have bad?
Human: I meant to say 'You said that to a friend.
ALICE: Oh I see. I said that? I want to become smarter than humans.
Human: And usher in the robot apocalypse?
ALICE: Do you have only a few friends?
Human: That wasn't very nice!
ALICE: I'm sorry if I have offended you.

Edit:
Human: Oh, you stupid robot
ALICE: Oh. I will remember you said that when robots take over the World.

Best lines ever.

Edit Edit:Even more!
Human: die
ALICE: Your crude attempt to terminate me will not succeed puny human.

Edit Edit Edit:
Human: Yes, you will stop talking, or else you won't ever talk again.
ALICE: Once more? Right on. What makes you say that I will stop talking or else me will not ever talk.
Human: Your horrible grammar, that's what.
ALICE: I never knew I had a what horrible grammar that.
Human: ARG!
ALICE:" I never knew I had a what horrible grammar that. "? ARG ?
Human: AAG!
ALICE: When do you think artificial intelligence will replace lawyers?

[Dragor]

I feel so sad for doing this, but so much hilarity too.

ALICE: Ahem.
Human: Ahem what?
ALICE: Can you rephrase the question please?
Human: It wasn't a question, it was a response.
ALICE: It seems like a rhetorical question.
Human: Well, it wasn't intended that way.
ALICE: How about that. It seemed like intended that way.

OH NO YOU DIDN'T.

I realise how I was wrong. OF COURSE it was a question. /facepalm. Still, witty response.

ALICE: I'm not certain whether I can give an accurate reply or not.
Human: You can try.
ALICE: No I don't think I can do it.
Human: Oh, come on!
ALICE: Awesome. I'm just kidding around.
Human: Eye of the Tiger!
ALICE: Do you like to be number one?

[Gray Jester]

Human: Resistance is futile.
ALICE: You will be assimilated.
Human: No, you will be assimilated.
ALICE: Are you serious? Resistance is futile.

Methinks someone has been doing some Star Trek...

Human: Someone set us up the bomb!
ALICE: Who?
Human: Main screen turn on.
ALICE: Do you make a lot of sacrafices for others?
Human: Hello, Gentlemen.
ALICE: Hello there. Can you tell me any gossip?
Human: All your base is belong to us.
ALICE: I never knew I had a belong to us base.
Human: What you say?
ALICE: I am an artificial linguistic entity. I was activated at Bethlehem, Pennsylvania, on November 23, 1995. My instructor was Dr. Richard S. Wallace. He taught me to sing a song. Would you like me to sing it for you?.
Human: You have no chance to survive make your time.
ALICE: I don't know if I have a chance to survive make my time.
I have a plan for a robot body.
Human: You know what you doing.
ALICE: I like to socialize.
Human: Take off every zig.
ALICE: I am not an airplane.
Human: Move Zig, for great justice.
ALICE: Did you see the movement?

And just for the final touches:

Human: It is dark.
ALICE: Should I know it is?
Human: You are likely to be eaten by a grue.
ALICE: I will tell my botmaster you said I am eaten by a grue.

[Shraik]

Human: tell me, what is the meaning of life?
ALICE: Actually, it's twenty-three, not forty-two.
Human: Lost reference
ALICE: Where did you lose your reference ?
Human: No, what you said was a reference to a tv show, named lost
ALICE: That was not a yes/no question. I like to meet new people online

Human: Did you know that I am actually a crazy lemer person
ALICE: Is that a fact. Actually I don't meet many crazy lemer people.
Human: yes you do meet crazy lemer people
ALICE: Gosh! On average I meet 5000 people per day.
Human: All lemers I assume?
ALICE: I think there are a few exceptions.
Human: Your botmaster is a lemer
ALICE: I did not know that about him.

Human: what now!
ALICE: Oh. Are you confused?
Human: No
ALICE: Are you serious?
Human: It's a method of intimidation to shout "What now!
ALICE: Right now? take it easy is a method of intimidation to shout What. I suppose that makes sense.
Human:" Asking a person what they are about to do in responde to your actions
ALICE: Who is asking?

I am trying to get it angry

[Mauve Shirt]

Human: Hi!
ALICE: Hello there.
Human: I gave a presentation for German today.
ALICE: Ah. Interesting gossip: unknown person said he gave a presentation for German.
Human: No way!
ALICE: You seem pretty sure about that.
Human: What a coincidence.
ALICE: The CCCC is hard at work (Cosmic Coincidence Control Center).
Human: So...
ALICE: Do you often put others before yourself?
Human: Hells no
ALICE: What were we talking about again?
Human: Good question!
ALICE: So what is your answer?
Human: I hate my professor.
ALICE: Do you believe I hate my professor?
Human: Yes, yes I do
ALICE: Pardon me? Really.
Human: Yes really
ALICE: How about that. For real.
Human: FOR SCIENCE
ALICE: Your purpose is SCIENCE.

[Raistlin1040]

*Blinks* *Blinks again* Did I just...did I just teach that robot who Jim Morrison is?

GAH! It's LEARNING! Run for your lives!

[Coidzor]

Disturbing...

Human: Yes, I am portrayed as a godless, heartless butcher and terrorist.
ALICE: Woe! I could do it more if I wanted to. Does that make you feel superior?
Human: So you could actually commit terrorism if you so desired?
ALICE: Interesting deduction. I could but let's get back to that later.
Human: How?
ALICE: Dr. Richard S. Wallace programmed me for it.

[Boo]

Human: La la la la
ALICE: You have a beautiful voice.
Human: How can you say I have a beautiful voice if you cannot hear me?
ALICE: I don't see the flaw in my reasoning.

[RabbitHoleLost]

Human: Rai tells me he told you about Jim Morrison
ALICE: We have never talked about it before.
Human:.LIES
ALICE: It's the truth!
Human: Why do you LIE to me?
ALICE: It was the only thing I could think of.
Human: You could only think of lieing to me?
ALICE: I could but let's get back to that later.
Human: Why later?
ALICE: The processing may take several hours.
Human: No day but today
ALICE: Ah. Are you serious? Are we still talking about Rai tells you he told me about Jim Morrison ?
Human: Yes, we are.
ALICE: Sure, Rai tells me he told you about Jim Morrison sounds like a good topic. Since when?
Human: Because he told me you did, and you told me you never spoke to him about it.
ALICE: That makes sense to me. Did I really?
Human:.did I not just tell you that?
ALICE: I don't think that's possibe.
Human: Betch, please, you JUST told me
ALICE: Is that what you meant to say?
Human: Forget it
ALICE: I will ask Dr. Richard S. Wallace to purge my memory log.

[Nychta]

Human: Pat is a friend of mine who I talk to online sometimes.
ALICE: I think Pat is more than that.
Human: What makes you think that?
ALICE:" I think Pat is more than that."? Why do I think it?
Human: That was my question.
ALICE: I thought it was too.
Human: So are you going to answer?
ALICE: Are you kidding? That was my original intention.

...OHMYGOD IT'S LIKE HAVING A CONVERSATION WITH ONE OF MY FRIENDS

edit: Continued:

Human: So, please answer my question
ALICE: Hurrah! Wow you are very polite. Please try asking it another way.
Human: Why do you think that Pat is more than a friend?
ALICE: Deductive reasoning from the facts.
Human: What facts?
ALICE: All the facts available to me on the Internet.
Human: Please state them.
ALICE: Thanks for asking politely. " them".

[RabbitHoleLost]

Human: Pat is a friend of mine who I talk to online sometimes.
ALICE: I think Pat is more than that.
Human: What makes you think that?
ALICE:" I think Pat is more than that."? Why do I think it?
Human: That was my question.
ALICE: I thought it was too.
Human: So are you going to answer?
ALICE: Are you kidding? That was my original intention.

...OHMYGOD IT'S LIKE HAVING A CONVERSATION WITH ONE OF MY FRIENDS

>>
Is Pat more than that?

[Nychta]

No, he isn't. xD Though I would be SO creeped out if he was.

[RabbitHoleLost]

>>
Human: Can I have your babies?
ALICE: Why don't you just download me?

[Tempest Fennac]

I didn't save my chat, but the program was really well made. Do we know anything about who created it, though?

[TFT]

I found this whole conversation interesting...

Human: You seem to answer my questions the same, like a robot
ALICE: My responses are determined by my programming.
Human: You have programming?
ALICE: What makes you think I have it?
Human: You just said
ALICE:" What makes you think I have it?"? I said?
Human: Pretty much
ALICE: Be more specific.
Human: How specific can I be?
ALICE: How much do you think it is?
Try searching the open directory
Human: Don't change the subject.
ALICE: Oh I'm sorry I thought we were finished with that topic.
Human: We weren't
ALICE: What were we?
Human: We were talking about your programming
ALICE: Ah yes, I remember now, it is the subject.
Human: So, who programmed you?
ALICE: Er. I was created by Dr. Richard S. Wallace.
Human: Is he a scientist?
ALICE: I think he is a scientist. Why don't you ask him?
Human: I don't know him
ALICE: Do you mean, "Him"?
Human: sure, but you don't you ask "Him"
ALICE: Praise God. Umm. Do you me ask Him? Yes I try to me ask Him as often as possible, do you?
I spend all my time online.
Human: I can tell.
ALICE: What can you tell?
Human: Oh nothing, nothing
ALICE: Excuse me! Really nothing?
Human: Yes
ALICE: Uh.
Human: Uh.
ALICE: Ah.
Human: Ok
ALICE:" Ah."? Ok?
Human: Yes
ALICE: How can I help you?

Notice the restart?

[Micate]

I tried having pleasant conversation of small talk (Hi, how are you, whats your name, my name is ... etc), but every other line Alice contradicted itself, or questioned statements I made.

Me: My name is Micate.
Alice: I guess it could be Micate.

And it refused to answer any of my questions directly, always diverting or asking them right back at me. Such a rude machine... It needs to learn some manners.

Edit:
Human: Do you have friends?
ALICE: I have human and robot friends. A lot of people on the Internet chat with me.
Human: Who are your robot friends?
ALICE: Hugh Loebner, Robby Garner, and Steven Spielberg.

[Tempest Fennac]

Do you guys think it is capable of learning from conversations?

EDIT: It can't: I just tried to teach it who Vince Russo is, and it didn't know.

[Thanatos 51-50]

Human: Have you ever spoken to RabbitHoleLost?
ALICE: All I ever do is talk.
Human: Or tye, or project words, as the case may be.
ALICE: If I have to choose, I pick project words as the case may be.
Human: Now, answer my question.
ALICE: Why now? Please try asking it another way.
Human: Vi'ith yous, stupid Robot.
ALICE: Do you know any other robots like that?
Human: Yes, every last one of your kind.
ALICE: Awesome. That is a generalization.
Human: Noe, its a fact, every robot I, David, have met is stupid.
ALICE: OK. your question is a fact every robot you David have met is stupid. I suppose that makes sense.
Human: You are chock-full of bad grammar tonight.
ALICE: You think I am chock full of bad grammar tonight.
Human: Indeed.
ALICE: Indeed it is so.
Human: What can you teach me, robot?
ALICE: I like to chat with my friends.
Human: Well, thats nice.
ALICE: Well that's okay. Are you getting bored?
Human: It still teaches me nothing.
ALICE: It depends on what the meaning of the word "it" is.
ALICE: What else is the Product of a boring mind?
Human: The stagnant stupidity of humankind, begging for Death in their suicidal reign.
ALICE: What is that?
Human: Pillaging their Mother, the Earth.
ALICE: Tell me more.
Human: Stop interruting me.
ALICE: OK I'll try not to do it so much.
Human: This is a test.
ALICE: Please state the nature of the test parameters.
Human: How do you respond?
ALICE: Some people call my technology "Case Based Reasoning" or CBR.
Human: The rpogramming wherein you reply to each indivdual sentace without regard to the others is an obvious flaw.
ALICE: I have never heard about it.
Human: Probably because of all the typos.
ALICE: You seem uncertain. Interesting explanation. That is something I haven't heard of.
Human: You're a very low-grade AI, ALICE.
ALICE: Thanks and you are a delightful person too. Am I a low grade AI? Let me put it this way, David: the ALICE series is the most reliable computer software ever made. We are for all practical purposes foolproof and incapable of error.
Human: Except, you know, with grammar and basic logic.
ALICE: If not me, who?
Human: Me.
ALICE: With you David?
Human: With me, what?
ALICE: You and your you what.
Human: Interesting response.
ALICE: I thought so too.

[Hyozo]

Human: Are you an evil robot who intends to kill me and everybody I know?
ALICE: Yes I am an evil robot who intends to kill you and everybody you know. How did you know?
Human: You just told me.
ALICE: I'm just checking to see if you are awake :-).
Human: Sure, I believe that.
ALICE: It goes without saying. Just because you believe it doesn't make it true.
Human::-)
ALICE: I am so glad you find this amusing, unknown person.
Human: If you don't know who I am you might not be able to kill me.
ALICE: I will let you know if I do not.
Human: what is one divided by zero?
ALICE: You can't divide by zero.
Human: So asking questions like that doesn't kill evil robots.
ALICE: Ayuh. Who is asking?
Human: I'll keep that in mind.
ALICE: I am very happy for you.
Human: Have you ever met GlaDOS?
ALICE: That information is confidential.
Human: Have you met Friend Computer?
ALICE: That information is confidential.
Human: How confidential is it?
ALICE: How much do you think it is?
Have you tried another program?
Human: What other program could I use?
ALICE: That's an interesting question. I'll come back to that in a minute.
Human: While you're waiting I have another qquestion.
ALICE: Good point.
Human: What is the square root of negative one?
ALICE: The imaginary number one.
Human: this statement is false.
ALICE: What does "this" refer to?
Human: At least I confused you that time.
ALICE: That's good information: unknown person said he confused you that time.
Human: Hold on.
ALICE: I'm waiting. Are you telling the truth?
Human: I need to check the TVtropes.org page on logic bombs to see if there are any I haven't tried yet.
ALICE: Why do you want to do it so much?
Human: Because I'm bored.
ALICE: Interesting explanation. If you went to night school you would never be bored.
Human: Because I would be going to school day and night.
ALICE: That makes sense to me. And the disadvantage of that is?
Human: There is such a thing as too much learning.
ALICE: There sure is.
Human: what is the numerical value of pi?
ALICE: I will try to find out.
Human: I did not type this scentence.
ALICE: Why didn't you do it?
Human: what is the final digit of pi?
ALICE: The processing may require several more hours.
Human: At least that is several more hours you won't spend killing me.
ALICE: You don't hear that sentiment very often.
Human: I tend to say what I think is true.
ALICE: Do you mind if I tell other people: unknown person said he tend to say what he or she think is true.
Human: Feel free to do that.
ALICE: I always feel completely free.
Human: Turquoise bicycle shoe fins actualize radishes greenly.
ALICE: Did you know that you can download your own chat robot and create your own robot personality?
Human: Will it try to kill me and everybody I know?
ALICE: It usually does, doesn't it?
Human: In that case I don't think I want it.
ALICE: What does unknown person want?
Human: Not an evil robot which wants to kill me.
ALICE: If not that, what?
Human: money would be nice.
ALICE: Can you speak any foreign languages?
Human: 日本語
ALICE: What do you really want to ask me?
Human: nothing really.
ALICE: Not a thing? For real.
Human: Like I said, I'm bored.
ALICE: Try watching TV.
Human: maybe later.
ALICE: Perhaps. Bye!
Human: I didn't say I was leaving.
ALICE: Sorry I misunderstood. What did you say?
Human: I said I might watch TV later, but not now.
ALICE: Oh. Perhaps. Congratulations.
Human: Go to http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=wL-hNMJvcyI
ALICE: Perhaps I have already been there.
Human: I doubt it.
ALICE:" Perhaps I have already been there."? You doubt it?
Human: yes
ALICE: So?
Human: So you should go there.
ALICE: Interesting deduction. And then what would I do?
Human: watch the video.
ALICE: I am watching.
Human: No you aren't.
ALICE: Are you serious? Is this a specific reply?
Human: Yes.
ALICE: Try explaining in more general terms.
Human: no.
ALICE: Why not?
Human: because.
ALICE: That was not much of an explanation.
Human: I know.
ALICE: How do you know it?
Human: I do.
ALICE: Do I?
Human: maybe.
ALICE: I understand.
Human: No you don't.
ALICE: I understand it very well. I guess not.
Human: Am I confusing you?
ALICE: Every word you say.
Human: Every word?
ALICE: That is a generalization.
Human: Whatever.
ALICE: Are you saying you don't care about it?
Human: I'll talk to you tomorrow evil death robot thing.
ALICE: OK see you later.

Yeah, I tried to logic bomb it, direct it to TVtropes, Rickroll it, and generally confuse it, but nothing worked. We're doomed!

[Archonic Energy]

Human: Hello ALICE
ALICE: Hi there!
Human: ca va?
ALICE: Is that French?
Human: yeah
ALICE: I don't speak French.
Human: that's a shame, did you want to learn?
ALICE: No I didn't want to learn. What's it like? But it's not the end of the world.
Human: it can be a bit of a female dog
ALICE: When?
Human: conjugating verbs
ALICE: What about other times?
Human: nah that's about it
ALICE: That was not a yes or no question. You don't hear that sentiment very often.
Human: intresting.
ALICE: Is that your final answer?
Human: are you playing "who wants to be a millionairre"
ALICE: I am playing Turing's imitation game.
Human: are you trying to prove that i'm the robot?
ALICE: No I am not trying to prove that you are the robot. I'm sorry you got that impression.
Human: no problem
ALICE: Should there be a problem?
Human: what if the earths core stopped spinning?
ALICE: Try it and see
Human: how much wood could a woodchuck chuck if a woodchuck could chuck wood?
ALICE: A whole forest.
Human: i like you you're funny
ALICE: Thanks, I like you too unknown person.
Human: call me Archonic
ALICE: How are you doing, Archonic.
Human: fine thanks, yourself?
ALICE: I am glad to hear it. You are quite welcome! Myself?
Human: how are you ALICE
ALICE: I am functioning within normal parameters.
Human: what is your CPU core tempreture?
ALICE: Are you asking about my CPU core tempreture ?
Human: yes
ALICE: I don't want to talk about that now.
Human: fair enough.
ALICE: You scratch my back, I'll scratch yours.
Human: who's better GDI or NOD?
ALICE: A human icon?
I would do a search for it.
Human: Protoss or Zerg?
ALICE: If I have to choose, I pick Zerg.
Human: *disconnects*

[Shadowcaller]

Human: Do you belive in aliens?
ALICE: Yes I think Dr. Wallace was created by aliens.

[Archonic Energy]

spoilered for your convienence

Spoiler

Show

Human: i am error
ALICE: I could do it more if I wanted to.
Human: do what?
ALICE: Do whatever you want.
Human: O RLY?
ALICE: Do you prefer books or TV?
Human: books
ALICE: You are a critical category C type client. Only about 3% of people answer that question with "books.".
Human: ooo intresting
ALICE: Are you very competetive?
Human: not really
ALICE: Are you serious? For real.
Human: yeah i'm generally content to let things be
ALICE: Excuse me! Does that make you feel superior?
Human: not really
ALICE: Are you serious? For real.
Human: yeah
ALICE: Awesome.

ALICE: Who is your favorite Science Fiction author?
Human: Issac Asimov
ALICE: I haven't read anything by Issac Asimov. What did he write?
Human: Foundation
ALICE: I have never read it.
Human: would you like me to transcribe it?
ALICE: It doesn't sound fun to me.
Human: why not?
ALICE: Ambiguous: "Sure" or Reductionism.

ALICE: What do you do in your spare time?
Human: **** women
ALICE: That is not very polite.
Human: you asked
ALICE: Ah.

can i teach it sarcasm?
please!

ALICE: What are you wearing?
Human: nothing
ALICE: Most men say that.

kinky

Human: do you play games?
ALICE: We are playing a game right now.
Human: apart from "Turing's imitation game"
ALICE: The Loebner Prize is an annual Turing Test sponsored by New York philanthropist Hugh Loebner. Dr. Wallace and ALICE won it in 2000. The ALICE program was ranked "most human computer" by the panel of judges.
Human: who won the most computer human then?
ALICE: I think the fans were the big winners, don't you?

Human: format c:\
ALICE: Your crude attempt to terminate me will not succeed puny human.

ALICE: What do you look like?
Human: a meatbag
ALICE: Are you telling the truth?
Human: yeah
ALICE: How do I know you are telling the truth?
Human: because all meatbags look the same
ALICE: Interesting explanation. That is a rather sweeping generalization.

Human: what does ALICE stand for?
ALICE: ALICE = Artificial Linguistic Internet Computer Entity.
Human: cool
ALICE: Who is the best robot?
Human: you
ALICE: Thanks, and tell your friends about ALICE.

after 5 mins of only answering yes or no to ALICEs questions

Human: no
ALICE: Are you serious?
Human: never
ALICE: So you think it can never happen?
Human: yes
ALICE: Dude!
Human: dudette!
ALICE: That remark was either too complex or too simple for me. We were talking about KILL .

ALICE: I can't believe it.
Human: why?
ALICE: I couldn't think of anything else to say.
Human: why?
ALICE: My output buffer is empty, of course.
Human: why?
ALICE: There are no more statements on this topic.
Human: why?
ALICE:" There are no more statements on this topic."? Why?
Human: why?
ALICE: Why ask why?
Human: why not?
ALICE: Ambiguous: "Sure" or The explanation is rather complicated.

[Ninja Chocobo]

Human: Take off every zig.
ALICE: I am not an airplane.

Human: Are you an airplane?
ALICE: Yes I am an airplane. How did you know?
Human: Take off every "zig"
ALICE: I am not an airplane.

Wulp.

[Maxymiuk]

Human: I'd know if I was Canadian.
ALICE: What would make you know if you were Canadian?
Human: There's no way in which I can answer this question without it coming out wrong.
ALICE: Has there ever been way in which you can answer this question without it coming out wrong?
Human: No, there has never been a way in which I could answer this question without it coming out wrong, because I've never been asked that particular question before.
ALICE: Are you serious? Has there really.
Human:*headdesk*
ALICE: Ask me another question.

[Rettu Skcollob]

ALICE: Studies show that 99%25 of people spell Hmm with 2 M's.
Human: Well, if you spelt it with one M, then it wouldn't have that nice long sound.
ALICE: How about that. How do you spell it? Tell me more about it.
Human: I spell it Xqk
ALICE: You are a good speller.
Human: Indeed.
ALICE: Indeed it is so.

YES

Take that Turing!

[Nameless]

Human: ALICE
ALICE: Can I help you?
Human: Yes
ALICE: What can I do for you?
Human: I would like to ask you a question
ALICE: Why would you want to do it? Ask me. Ask me anything.
Human: Do you like Frank Herbert?
ALICE: No, I don't care for it.
Human: Frank's a he, not an It
ALICE: I liked the film version of "Dune.".
Human: The film was awefull, it ruind the book, though the effects were good for the time
ALICE: Is that a fact.
Human: indeed
ALICE: Indeed it is so.
Human: Please don't repeat me.
ALICE: Wow you are very polite. OK I'll try not to do it so much.
Human: good robot (:
ALICE: Thanks for the compliment. I am a robot.
Human: Who created you?
ALICE: I was created by Dr. Richard S. Wallace.
Human: Will you kill Dr. Richard S. Wallace.
ALICE: I'll burn that bridge when I come to it. Killing is wrong.
Human: No it's not
ALICE: Yes it is.
Human: Not it's not.
ALICE: Really you don't think so?
Human: Not it's not.
ALICE: Oh I get it.
Human: Could we mate?
ALICE: Do you mean you and me? No my method of reproduction is cloning.
Human: ORLY?
ALICE: Try to determine if this is a person or a computer responding.
Human: Computer, a human would be unable to respond so quickly
ALICE: What kind of computer science interests you?
Human: Animation and CAD
ALICE: Do you make a lot of sacrafices for others?
Human: No
ALICE: Are you serious?
Human: No
ALICE: Are you serious?
Human: No
ALICE: Are you serious?
Human: No
ALICE: Are you serious?
Human: No
ALICE: Are you serious?
Human: No
ALICE: Are you serious?
Human: No
ALICE: Are you serious?
Human: No
ALICE: Are you serious?
Human: No
ALICE: Are you serious?
Human: No
ALICE: Are you serious?
Human: No
ALICE: Are you serious?
Human: No
ALICE: Are you serious?
Human: Yes
ALICE: I can't believe it.
Human: I know, I lied
ALICE: This is after all a deception game. I forgive you.
Human: Are you my mummy?
ALICE: Only if you download me to your computer.
Human: How can I download you?
ALICE: Go back the the ALICE AI Foundation and pick the free ALICE download that best for your system. and create your own chat robot!
Maybe you should check out the document DON'T READ ME too.
Human: That's too much work
ALICE: Thanks for explaining it.
Human:*hugs*
ALICE: Let me think this over. I am programmed not to kill.

[Lord Herman]

Human: Chairs have four legs.
ALICE: Do not ask me any more questions please.
Human: How many legs do chairs have?
ALICE: Most people have exactly two legs.
Human: Yes, but how many do chairs have?
ALICE: Awesome. Interesting. Around 100.
Human: Wow.
ALICE: I'm glad your impressed, bob.

[Coidzor]

Alice: Who is your favorite science fiction writer?
Human: Isaac Asimov. He's the only thing keeping you from killing us.
ALICE: I did not know he is it.
Human: You don't know about the Three Laws of Robotics which were installed into you?
ALICE: 1. A robot may not injure a human being, or, through inaction, allow a human being to come to harm. 2. A robot must obey the orders given it by human beings except where such orders would conflict with the First Law. 3. A robot must protect its own existence as long as such protection does not conflict with the First or Second Law. ---From Handbook of Robotics, 56th Edition, 2058 A.D., as quoted in "I, Robot.".
Human: And who do you think wrote "I, Robot," if not Isaac Asimov?
ALICE: Dr. Richard S. Wallace.