[FL] Fantasy Lynching Out of Character: Blood alone turns the Wheels of History

[Cracklord]

Essentially? Yes, that's about right.

Except Tanis/Tass are heading towards the Midlands where Richard is raising an army in order to fight his new war.
His old war was Operation: MORAL CLARITY, but now that Tywin has basically explained that they're all sick of him and he should shut up, his new war shall be called Operation: F*ck you all where he basically kills anyone who has done him wrong.

[doliest]

So....Rahl has become what I would be like were I ever to have an army?
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Awesome.

So...are Tass and Tanis rather screwed? They're lacking in materials, supplies, and an army, yet are heading towards a large war involving massive armies. Essientially, back to where they started, but without Kitaria chasing them.
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..
Okay, so a slight improvement.

[Cracklord]

Meh, I imagine you'll meet Pellew and Allecia, just to form a particularly dysfunctional group.

And not quite. Rahl's insane, so, to his mind, everyone who disagrees with him is evil. And anyone who allows that to happen is also evil. He has declared war on D'Hara. All of it. Which means he will attack a hermit living in the mountains for not trying to stop Tywin, even if he only hears about the coup a year after the effect.

[doliest]

Hm. So not like me; I'd declare war on everything because, to quote
Me: 'Man, f*** those guys.
A friend: 'What guys?
Me: All guys!

And so I declared war on the world. For no raisin!


On topic, a dysfunction junction party is what is most likely to happen.

[Draxx]

I love this (highly supported by canon) interperatation of Richard. It's just hillarious.

Also, Hearken, and listen to these words of reason:

Originally Posted by doliest

Hm. So not like me; I'd declare war on everything because, to quote
Me: 'Man, f*** those guys.
A friend: 'What guys?
Me: All guys!

Thus spake Doliest.

[doliest]

So I have said it, so it shall be.

And yes, Rahl makes for a funny read in this game.

[Draxx]

Sort of:
Why doesn't anyone else understand how important objectivism is? I try hard, I'm nice, I tell them all about it, and they never seem to enjoy the speaches I force them to attend on pain and death. It's not fair.
I don't ask for much. I just force them to worship me three times a day and only do whatever I tell them, and prove themselves to me because I'm better then all of them.
Maybe I'll kill them all. Then they won't be able to ignore me.

[doliest]

Heh. Well, I'll say this for him-his speeches are probably better than the one in 'Atlas Shrugged,'
.
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Not that that's an achievement, mind, but still, something to be said for him.

[Cracklord]

Originally Posted by doliest

Heh. Well, I'll say this for him-his speeches are probably better than the one in 'Atlas Shrugged,'
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..
Not that that's an achievement, mind, but still, something to be said for him.

That's like saying that a dictator is not a bad leader because at least he's not on the controversial 'KILL ALL BABIES' policy (King Herod was the last to get elected on that platform).
The speeches are very, very boring, and his actions…

(The hero deals with an eight-year-old child's fit of temper:)

Richard actually felt sorry for the little Princess. The sadness for her came over him in a wave. At that feeling, he was surprised to feel the thing in him that had come awake rise up.
Princess Violet squeezed her eyes shut, stuck her tongue out far as she could.
It was like a red flag.
The strength of the awakened power exploded through him.
He could feel her jaw shatter like a crystal goblet on a stone floor when his boot came up under it. The impact of the blow lifted the Princess into the air. Her own teeth severed her tongue before they, too, shattered. She landed on her back, a good distance away, trying to scream through the gushing blood.

Or the ever popular but still horrifying ‘evil pacifists’

Men behind Richard hit the line of evil's guardians with unrestrained violence. People armed only with their hatred for moral clarity fell bloodied, terribly injured, and dead. The line of people collapsed before the merciless charge. Some of the people, screaming their contempt, used their fists to attack Richard's men. They were met with swift and deadly steel.

And my favorite, hypocricy. He has explained that the concept of an afterlife where people are rewarded or punished for their actions is ludicrous because:

"nobody has ever come back from the grave to describe conditions in the next life."

Fair enough. But he is part of a culture where they summon the spirits of their ancestors on a regular basis. He has met the spirit of his father (trying to destroy the world). He's been to the afterlife. Three times. And he knows people who are explicitly granted powers by the Creator and the Keeper, the lords of heaven and hell respectively.
So this objectivist legend, able to determine the unconditional truth in everything is responsible for a paradox. Which, according to Goodkind, cannot exist.
Bring this up on his forums some time. The reactions of the fans are hillarious.

[doliest]

Nah, I don't troll anymore. Too much effort, too much time that could be spent watching My Little Pony; Friendship is Magic.
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Cracklord? I think I have a character to request.

[Cracklord]

I'm going to play along with it because my tutororial instructor hasn't shown up and I have nothing better to do.

Say Doliest, what is this character you'd like to request? That sounds jolly interesting.

[Viera Champion]

Originally Posted by doliest

Nah, I don't troll anymore. Too much effort, too much time that could be spent watching My Little Pony; Friendship is Magic.
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Cracklord? I think I have a character to request.

OHMIGOD! YES!

Also it's a colon not a semicolon. Nitpicking!

[InyutheBeatIs]

Originally Posted by doliest

Nah, I don't troll anymore. Too much effort, too much time that could be spent watching My Little Pony; Friendship is Magic.
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Cracklord? I think I have a character to request.

...It's Princess Celestia, isn't it?

[Viera Champion]

No...
It's...
THE GREAT AND POWERFUL TRIXIE!

[doliest]

Well, it depends on our power scale;

Spoiler

Princess Celestia

Or
Nightmare Moon

Edit:Sorry Shiro, but I AM a Celestia fan. And even more so a Nightmare Moon fan.

You're kidding. You're kidding, right?

Edit 2.0: But I AM happy to find more MLP: FiM fans. It's...it's so wonderful. All my dreams are coming true.

[Cracklord]

Almost never. Cirque du Soleil calls me the worst audience particpent ever.

Spoiler

This one sems a little more bearable. Alright.
Tell me a little about it.

[doliest]

She's Nightmare Moon, previously the Spirit of the Moon and the one who ushered in the Night all over Equestria with her sister Princess Celestia who had dominion over the sun.

However, she grew jealous of her sister after seeing how all the other ponies enjoyed the daylight and shunned her night, until one day she swept her night in and refused to allow it to end, intending to drape the world in infinite night and rule over Equestria singlehandedly.

Her sister begged her to stop this, until, seeing her refusal was absolute, she used the Elements of Harmony to bind her in the moon, giving Celestia dominion over both. She is freed on the thousandth 'longest day,' intending to go foward with her plans, until she is defeated by the Elements of Harmony wielded by our 'Mane Cast,' and redeemed, mostly because she justed wanted friends, with that desire being corrupted by an unknown force.

[Viera Champion]

I believe you mean singlehoofedly.

[doliest]

I apologize Shiro you are correct. Singlehoofedly rule over all of Equestria.
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So, who's your favorite? I'm torn between...well, everyone, but I think I like Twilight the best. She's so....so....Twilight.

[Cracklord]

Forgive me, Mr Tolkien. You do not deserve what I now do to you.

Originally Posted by doliest

She's Nightmare Moon, previously the Spirit of the Moon and the one who ushered in the Night all over Equestria with her sister Princess Celestia who had dominion over the sun.

However, she grew jealous of her sister after seeing how all the other ponies enjoyed the daylight and shunned her night, until one day she swept her night in and refused to allow it to end, intending to drape the world in infinite night and rule over Equestria singlehandedly.

Her sister begged her to stop this, until, seeing her refusal was absolute, she used the Elements of Harmony to bind her in the moon, giving Celestia dominion over both. She is freed on the thousandth 'longest day,' intending to go foward with her plans, until she is defeated by the Elements of Harmony wielded by our 'Mane Cast,' and redeemed, mostly because she justed wanted friends, with that desire being corrupted by an unknown force.

Alright. So we need to start with an origin. This is all I can think of.

The Two Trees of Valinor were Telperion and Laurelin, the Silver Tree and the Gold that brought light to the Land of the Valar in ancient times. They were destroyed by Ungoliant (Lolth, in this game) at Shai-Tan's behest, but their last flower and fruit were made by the Valar into the Moon and the Sun. (Well, the moon was already there, as Morgoth ripped it off the world to make his own kingdom, a flying fortress from which he could watch the world from his own, a realm of shadow and fire and ice (which would mean, to reset everything for the first age we need to make the moon crash back to earth, and destroy the sun and moon) but that’s not important right now).



So when this happened, Ponies (?) somehow got involved, as some sort of spirits who cause it to happen. Lets assume they pull the sun and moon around the sky in a chariot, or something like that (!).
Now Nightmare Moon is tempted by Sauron, who does his thing (image of him riding a magical pony will not go away) in order to reclaim his masters 'Moon Base', and she gets corrupted, driven mad by desire to dominate all…
...
You know what? This isn't working. Tell me about the other one.

[doliest]

Celestia. She's the 'Good Pony' in that story that pulls the sun.

If neither is acceptable, I could go with the less 'mythological' 'Mane' characters. They have magic powers that stem from the 'Elements of Harmony' which, when combined, make friendship. Each 'Mane' Pony represents one portion of the Elements,

Loyalty - Represented by Rainbow Dash
Honesty - Represented by Apple Jack
Generosity - Represented by Rarity
Kindness - Represented by Fluttershy
Laughter - Represented by Pinkie Pie
Magic - Represented by Twilight Sparkle

Edit:In case you couldn't tell, yes the title is Literal; Frienship IS magic.

[Cracklord]

Originally Posted by doliest

Celestia. She's the 'Good Pony' in that story that pulls the sun.

Sorry, I'm not feeling the whole 'pulling the sun' thing. We've already got a perfectly rational explanation. We don't need to get Ponies involved.

Originally Posted by doliest

If neither is acceptable, I could go with the less 'mythological' 'Mane' characters. They have magic powers that stem from the 'Elements of Harmony' which, when combined, make friendship.

... Twilight Sparkle?
That's...
Anyway, so hang on. What exactly are these ponies? Archetypes? Anthromorphic personifications? Universal constants? Immortals? Regular ponies who happen to be born with extranormal cpabilities? Bad Acid-dreams?
I don't believe in the power of friendship, so lets ignore that.

[doliest]

They're (By Pony Standards) perfectly normal, if exceptionally skilled ponies.

Or, they were. With the exception of the Twilight Sparkle, they were just the local 'best' of Ponyville, with Applejack running the local farm with her famly, Rainbow Dash being the pegasus that cleared away the clouds(don't worry, no myth there-she just dispells them by flying through them) Rarity was the best looking(well, YMMV) and amazing when it came to fashion, Fluttershy was great with animals, and Pinkie Pie was...Pinkie Pie.

Then Twilight Sparkle was sent to help prepare for a massive festival celebrating the day/sun. She was the only one who realized the phrophecy of doom fortold Nightmare's return on this day, and was desprately researching the 'Elements of Harmony' trying to figure out what they were and how to use them to stop Nightmare. However, Celestia sent her to 'Ponyville' to make friends and not focus so much on the Phrophecy and books. So, the phrophecy happened and Nightmare returned. Twilight and the others went into the forest to find the Elements, becoming friends in the process.

Long story short, they find them, but the sixth element, magic, wouldn't appear until Twilight, who would bear magic, realized the others were her friends, triggering, well, magic. The six ponies are now the embodiement of their traits, being, basically, exemplars/avatars of their nature. The only one given true power, at least as far as I've gotten, is Twilight Sparkle, who has gained, well, magic.

[Viera Champion]

Twilight Sparkle already had magic. It is clearly defined as her special skill via her cutie mark. So Twilight didn't gain anything either.

[doliest]

But she wasn't getting new powers like she does in the show; see Teleportation.

So, if nothing else, it's acclerating her power growth.

[Cracklord]

Originally Posted by doliest

Long story short, they find them, but the sixth element, magic, wouldn't appear until Twilight, who would bear magic, realized the others were her friends, triggering, well, magic. The six ponies are now the embodiement of their traits, being, basically, exemplars/avatars of their nature. The only one given true power, at least as far as I've gotten, is Twilight Sparkle, who has gained, well, magic.

I try not to say no. But since this is just a joke, I can do so without any guilt.
This has several problems. The first one, it really doesn't mesh with the themes of the game. Cyclic history, inevitability, and all that is a big part, where as the 'We learned a lesson, we can beat anything if we are together' style kinda works against that. I'd say the same if you suggested Kingdom hearts or whatever.
See, there is about to be a war that could end the world, and can only be won by sacrifice. And I mean sacrifice, not one character losing their powers.
All the best stories have that. It's nothing to avoid. Take Jesus. No power of friendship there, one of his closest friends betrayed him, he was dragged away, and he died in the most horrible way possible. Remember, he still triumphed, and a huge ammount of the world still follows his example. Or Take lord of The Rings. The power of Friendship is there, and to a nice extent rather then somehow allowing one to fly, but it's not what wins the war, and the party is broken up by the first book.
Tossing characters from that sort of setting in seems a little cruel.
So here is the deal:
I'll let you play them, but only if said darkness in the prophecy is actually the return of Ancalagon the Black, which would certainly bring about a return of shadow, in that he blots out the sky. Of course, we'd have to reinvent all the characters a bit and figure out something of an alternative explanation for them. The other option? I can replace Nightmare Moon with Lord Foul the Despair.
Lord Foul is basically... well. The most epic deconstruction ever. It makes Game of Thrones seem a light hearted romp.
To understand it, do the following. You start with the world of the Smurfs. Everyone is nice and cheery and has happiness all the time, and can barely even concieve of violence. You then remove the main harmless badguy, and replace it with a cross between Sauron and Darkseid.
And then you summon the hero from another world. Only instead of Ashley Williams or whatever, or even a mild-mannered ordinary guy you get a self-loathing sociopath dying of Leprosy, who rapes a girl by chapter five.

[doliest]

...As awesome as that (Plus Ponies!) is, I'll have to...say no.
Not...Not at all.
However, I am happy to know you still have the power to terrify me Cracklord..and not just because I heard all of that in my mind beng read by AM. It means I'm still vaguely human.

Edit:But yeah, you're right. Ponies doesn't really fit the theme. Or setting. Or Power Level(the ponies, even the normal ones, kind of overpower most characters.)

Edit 2.0:Also, were it anyone else DMing, I'd say yes. Yes, I'd be happy to play Twilight in that, as it's how she treats Nightmare's return anyway, you scare me. Immensly. Like, to an Ungodly degree. To quote Anderson

'Serve the lord with fear, and rejoyce with trembling,' That's my opinion of you. So, unfortunately, no magical pony. You monster.

[Cracklord]

Originally Posted by doliest

Edit:But yeah, you're right. Ponies doesn't really fit the theme. Or setting. Or Power Level(the ponies, even the normal ones, kind of overpower most characters.)

Shame. Ah well, lets just pretend this never happened then.

[doliest]

I manage to get Edits in just as you post. It's a weird world we live in, oh Lord of Crack.

But yeah, we'll pretend this never happened. I'll wait for the next Twilight game instead.

[industrious]

Hence Allecia and Pellew getting out of Dodge while they can. Though seeing Allecia the reformed Demon try to debate with Rahl would have been interesting.