Things I May No Longer Do While Playing II: Stop Making The DM Cry - Page 11

Welknair · 07-23-2011, 07:37 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Flame of Anor

Wait, Truenamers get Sor/Wiz spells?

No no no. Tome of Magic introduces a number of spells that involve truenames for the use of standard casters in addition to adding the whole truenaming system.

541. I may not join a group, play for a few weeks, then mysteriously disappear. I may not then refuse to answer calls, E-mail and the like. And then show up three months later and ask "So guys, what did I miss?".

Caiphon · 07-23-2011, 08:04 PM

541. I may not dare to challenge my girlfriend to a versus combat between my giant undead scorpion behemoth cohort and her permanently rebuked hecatoncheires turned to cohorts for the title of "master summoner" in the middle of a battle. Ever. Again.
542. I may not send a shopkeeper to a planar prison just because he wanted me to pay in cash.
543. I may not start the wightapocalypse in a major city because some drunk commoner called me a witch. Again.
544. I may never have another giant undead scorpion behemoth cohort. Ever.
545. I may not conspire with my fellow players to get drunk the Dm to allow things like a giant undead scorpion behemoth cohort. Never ever again.

(actually all of these are true

Shadow Lord · 07-23-2011, 08:04 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Welknair

No no no. Tome of Magic introduces a number of spells that involve truenames for the use of standard casters in addition to adding the whole truenaming system.

541. I may not join a group, play for a few weeks, then mysteriously disappear. I may not then refuse to answer calls, E-mail and the like. And then show up three months later and ask "So guys, what did I miss?".

That happened?

Welknair · 07-23-2011, 08:07 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Shadow Lord

That happened?

I haven't seen it, though it wouldn't surprise me if it had happened somewhere. And if I were the DM I would want to strangle the player.

Morithias · 07-23-2011, 08:11 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Welknair

I haven't seen it, though it wouldn't surprise me if it had happened somewhere. And if I were the DM I would want to strangle the player.

546: None of the dungeonscape poisons are available for sale....ANYWHERE. Unless I'm building a dungeon.

Flame of Anor · 07-23-2011, 10:33 PM

Numbers are off again, 541 is doubled.

Axinian · 07-23-2011, 11:12 PM

548. No more awakened baboon spirit shamans. Not because of power concerns, but because the group doesn't like it when I sing Disney songs at the table.

MrRigger · 07-23-2011, 11:27 PM

549. Awakened Orangutans are out as well.

MrRigger

Welknair · 07-23-2011, 11:30 PM

550. I may not play an awakened animal. Period.

550a. I may not play an awakened druid bear who wildshapes into a bear while riding a bear and summoning bears.

Lord Raziere · 07-23-2011, 11:48 PM

551. My first suggestion may not be "burn them all". and be right.

Morithias · 07-23-2011, 11:52 PM

552: Antromorphic ape monks named "Kong Fu" are not allowed.

Jade Dragon · 07-23-2011, 11:58 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Morithias

552: Antromorphic ape monks named "Kong Fu" are not allowed.

553. "Donkey Kung" is also not allowed.

Welknair · 07-24-2011, 12:24 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Swiftmongoose

553. "Donkey Kung" is also not allowed.

554. "King Kung" is right out.

WildPyre · 07-24-2011, 01:29 AM

555: As is Mighty Joe Kung

Esprit15 · 07-24-2011, 02:21 AM

556: Players of Diddy Kung will be shot.

Axinian · 07-24-2011, 01:02 PM

557. My crusader's catch phrase is not "I fight for my friends!"

The-Mage-King · 07-24-2011, 01:27 PM

558: My Warblade's catchphrase is not "WHO THE HELL DO YOU THINK I AM?"
558a: Especially if he multiclassed with a psionic class.

559: My swordsage's catchphrase is not "Kamehameha!"

Gadora · 07-24-2011, 01:53 PM

560. If our ship has lost a stablizer, having my droid mechanic weld itself to the hull and make balance checks does not count as "fixing it."

561. If our starship is damaged, our plan for getting back off-planet should be "fix the ship" not "steal one of the Star Destroyers that makes up the blockade."

562. Thermal detonators are allowed, they just never end well.

563. When attempting to escape an Imperial blockade in our newly repaired ship, it's probably best if the character operating the ship's shields refrains from giving up actions in order to flirt with another character. No matter how funny it may be, the ship being blown up kind of puts a damper on things.

Ksheep · 07-24-2011, 02:08 PM

564: Not advised to jump off the front of a landing craft until it has come to a full and complete stop.
565: Not allowed to push any PCs off the front of a landing craft until it has come to a full and complete stop.
566: Not allowed to push any key NPCs off the front of a landing craft until it has come to a full and complete stop.
567: Not allowed anywhere near the front of the landing craft EVER AGAIN.
568: Not allowed to bring grenades or other explosives on any landing craft.
569: While in the machine gun position, not allowed to aim below the gunwales.
570: Also not allowed to aim at other landing craft, just because you think it is full of enemy spies.
571: While piloting a landing craft, not allowed to play chicken with any destroyers, battleships, cruisers, LSTs, or any other ships larger than me.
572: Not allowed on landing craft EVER AGAIN.
573: Landing craft are not for target practice.
574: The same goes for Liberty ships, Victory ships, LSTs, or any other friendly ship.
575: Not allowed to participate on any landing operation EVER AGAIN.
576: Not allowed to replace the armored ramp with a plywood lookalike, even if it will "make it go faster."
577: Not allowed in any landing preparations either.
578: No longer allowed to shoot at friendly planes, just because the pilot "looked German."
578a: Especially during air shows.
578b: This goes double after the war is over.

Axinian · 07-24-2011, 02:15 PM

579. Jump checks are not the solution to every problem, especially not if my character is a bard named Sir Kriss of the Kross.

Jade Dragon · 07-24-2011, 02:17 PM

580. My elf warblade/eternal blade/factotum is not allowed to wear green clothes.

581. Especially if his spirit guide is named Navi or Ciela.

582. If he does get accepted, I am not allowed to have a legacy longsword that is effective against evil and has its basic stats be a +1 longsword of spell turning.

super dark33 · 07-24-2011, 07:11 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Ksheep

564: Not advised to jump off the front of a landing craft until it has come to a full and complete stop.
565: Not allowed to push any PCs off the front of a landing craft until it has come to a full and complete stop.
566: Not allowed to push any key NPCs off the front of a landing craft until it has come to a full and complete stop.
567: Not allowed anywhere near the front of the landing craft EVER AGAIN.
568: Not allowed to bring grenades or other explosives on any landing craft.
569: While in the machine gun position, not allowed to aim below the gunwales.
570: Also not allowed to aim at other landing craft, just because you think it is full of enemy spies.
571: While piloting a landing craft, not allowed to play chicken with any destroyers, battleships, cruisers, LSTs, or any other ships larger than me.
572: Not allowed on landing craft EVER AGAIN.
573: Landing craft are not for target practice.
574: The same goes for Liberty ships, Victory ships, LSTs, or any other friendly ship.
575: Not allowed to participate on any landing operation EVER AGAIN.
576: Not allowed to replace the armored ramp with a plywood lookalike, even if it will "make it go faster."
577: Not allowed in any landing preparations either.
578: No longer allowed to shoot at friendly planes, just because the pilot "looked German."
578a: Especially during air shows.
578b: This goes double after the war is over.

This post is made of win.

Welknair · 07-24-2011, 07:16 PM

583. I may not take the feat "Improved Hating this Campaign". Even if Gimli did it.

Jade Dragon · 07-24-2011, 07:26 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Welknair

583. I may not take the feat "Improved Hating this Campaign". Even if Gimli did it.

584. "DM" is not an option for favored enemy. Even though the bonus on sense motive could come in handy.

585. "This campaign" is also not an option for favored enemy.

586. "The guy playing the chaotic neutral jerk" however, is, if I can figure out how to get the bonuses to apply in real life.

Welknair · 07-24-2011, 07:29 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Swiftmongoose

584. "DM" is not an option for favored enemy. Even though the bonus on sense motive could come in handy.

585. "This campaign" is also not an option for favored enemy.

586. "The guy playing the chaotic neutral jerk" however, is, if I can figure out how to get the bonuses to apply in real life.

587. Sadly "Plot-Relevant NPC" is not a valid choice for favored enemy. Even if I do kill them an awful lot...

Ksheep · 07-24-2011, 07:42 PM

588. I cannot get the Self Aware Player Character prestige class.
589. If I take the Paladin-Knight of the Secret and Bizarre Righteous Order of the Hokey Pokey prestige class, I may not actively RP the character.
590. I do NOT meet the prerequisites for the Grizzled Old Fart prestige class.
591. The book Bride of the Portable Hole is forbidden from the game, and may not be mentioned at the table EVER AGAIN.

Welknair · 07-24-2011, 08:10 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Ksheep

591. The book Bride of the Portable Hole is forbidden from the game, and may not be mentioned at the table EVER AGAIN.

*Proceeds to google "Bride of the Portable Hole", jokingly wondering if it might exist*

*It does.*

What.

...

"Flumphnomicon"

...

What.

Ksheep · 07-24-2011, 08:26 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Welknair

*Proceeds to google "Bride of the Portable Hole, jokingly wondering if it might exist*

*It does.*

What.

...

"Flumphnomicon"

...

What.

I just may have to sig this, with your permission of course.

Also:
592. May not mention unspeakable books to other RP-ers, for fear of breaking their brains.

Welknair · 07-24-2011, 09:02 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Ksheep

I just may have to sig this, with your permission of course.

Also:
592. May not mention unspeakable books to other RP-ers, for fear of breaking their brains.

Feel free. And perhaps you should have thought of that rule before posting 591.

593. I may not obtain a Charlie Sheen.

Morithias · 07-24-2011, 09:54 PM

594: Perform (sex) cannot be used for bardic music in combat.