Things I May No Longer Do While Playing II: Stop Making The DM Cry

[boomwolf]

1858: I may NOT have a Amulet of Natural Weapons enchanted as a +1 Throwing for my pet giant scorpion's stinger...

[Ksheep]

1859: Killing a monster when kicking down a door does not mean that all doors are evil and need to be kicked down.

[Esprit15]

1860: Playing as a bard does not mean I get to have TV tropes opened up on my phone/laptop.
1860a: No, being epic level does not change this.

[Dimers]

Originally Posted by Sgt. Cookie

1831: I may not state that since all skin is made up of dead cells, technically, shaking someone's hand means that you have broken your vow of purity.

And since dust is composed primarily of dead skin cells, the Vow was broken before you even got out of the ancient hall where you pledged yourself to the gods.

[Qwertystop]

Originally Posted by Dimers

And since dust is composed primarily of dead skin cells, the Vow was broken before you even got out of the ancient hall where you pledged yourself to the gods.

Your skin is dead too. You broke the vow the instant you took it, unless you were skinned first.

[boomwolf]

Warforged saves the day!

[Metahuman1]

Originally Posted by boomwolf

Warforged saves the day!

Until he realizes that wood is made of dead tree.

[Chilingsworth]

Originally Posted by Metahuman1

Until he realizes that wood is made of dead tree.

Yes, but that's not dead flesh so it doesn't affect vow of purity.

[Jade Dragon]

Originally Posted by Chilingsworth

Yes, but that's not dead flesh so it doesn't affect vow of purity.

There's still the dust thing.

[byaku rai]

1861: The player who starts playing Caramelldansen on his laptop during the BBEG's appearance is entitled to one free crucifixion by the DM after the group is done laughing.

[Jamini]

1862. I may not replace one of my languages at character creation with "Drum"
1862.b. I may not then use said language to communicate with the party bard across a wide river while within sight of an enemy army.
1862.c. I may not learn the language "Gong" after leveling up.
1863. I may not construct bombs with the items the DM has given the party. Even if said bombs are perfectly thematically correct for my character to construct.
1863.b. Bee Hives stuffed in a leather helmet and thrown by a net are not to be used as "Status Bombs", which may or may not coincidentally keep a group of nine enemies in the blast radius of a black powder shrapnel bomb (constructed with a black powder bomb, a handful of rusty nails, and some components of a tangle-foot bag)
1864. My party is no longer allowed to deal over 150 damage to a single target
1865. No matter how good of an idea it seems at the time, it is NEVER a good idea to target the high-level noble that is trying to ride past our concealed location.
1866. My party may not deal a combined total of 150 damage in three rounds to kill said noble, with the average level of the party being level 2. (4th Ed)

[Alabenson]

1867: I am to never again attempt to combine Bunnies and Burrows with Call of Cthulhu.
1868: No, my artificer may not construct a party cannon.
1868b: My artificer may not construct a cannon of any kind.

[eulmanis12]

1868 Under no circumstances is my charecter to turn invisible then use knowledge (Architecture and Engineering) to weaken all the structural supports within the BBEG's base, then collapse it once the BBEG is confirmed to be inside the base.

1869 Should we determine that the BBEG is inside a walled town under no circumstances are we to block all the gates from outside then set the town on fire.

1870 If I am for some reason flying and roll over, I am not to shout "Do a barrel roll"

1870a this applies to rolling barrels down ramps towards the enemy as well

1870b no more Star Fox references

1871 if I need to capture a major villan (who is Lawful Evil) and he shouts "You will never take me alive" I am not permitted to turn him into a zombie and then "capture" him.

1872 the answer is not "more firepower!"

1873 I may not defeat the greater fire elementals by plane shifting them to the elemental plane of water.
1873a the semi-elemental plane of fire extinguishers is also not an option

[Chookster]

That planeshift technique would totally work.

1874: If presented with a small cute absolutely harmless animal the correct response is paranoia and smite evil.

[Kazyan]

1875: Cannot open a portal to the Demiplane of Kittens.
1875a: Especially not as a weapon.

[nhbdy]

Originally Posted by Hazzardevil

1815:
My paladin may not yell "Stop, you violated the law!"
1815a:
Neither may he yell "Stop right there criminal scum!
1815aa:
Especially towards the party rogue.
1815b:
In fact I may not quote any of the guards from Elder Scrolls games.
1816:
The Assassins Guild is not called the Dark Brotherhood.
1816a:
An Assassins Guild is not any kind of brotherhood.
1817:
In fact I may not make any Elder Scrolls or Assassins Creed Jokes.

1876: nor can the activation of a force effect be "FUS RO DAH"
1876a: no, I cannot shout hard enough to throw people
1876b: no, dragons don't talk like that

[Metahuman1]

Originally Posted by Jamini

1864. My party is no longer allowed to deal over 150 damage to a single target
1865. No matter how good of an idea it seems at the time, it is NEVER a good idea to target the high-level noble that is trying to ride past our concealed location.
1866. My party may not deal a combined total of 150 damage in three rounds to kill said noble, with the average level of the party being level 2. (4th Ed)

So much for balanced.

[Jade Dragon]

Originally Posted by Metahuman1

So much for balanced.

Whadda ya mean? 4e is great for balance. But only for interparty balance.

[Alabenson]

1877: No longer allowed to have my gnome warblade taunt dragons that my full attacks are more effective than theirs.
1878: Not allowed to spend more than half my WBL on a codpiece.

[Rankar]

1879: Not allowed to have the Artificer make me a monocle dubbed "the Scouter" that tells me the enemies stats and yell, "Its over 9000!"

[Ksheep]

1880: If I create a scout, I am not allowed to say "BONK" whenever I hit someone.
1880b: The scout's weapon of choice it NOT a club.
1880c: The scout is not allowed to carry around a stash of "Potion of Blur"
1880d: The scout is not allowed to throw milk at people either.
1880e: The scout may NOT have a wand of Magic Missile.

[TechnoScrabble]

1881 Similarly, there will be no german medics with rapidfire crossbows and saws

1882 Or australian rangers

1883 Or insane american fighters

1884 Or scottish evokers with stocks of scrolls of delayed blast fireball

1885 anything TF2 related is right out

1885b Especially that gorram fat bald russian barbarian who focuses on unarmed combat

[Doorhandle]

1886.I am not to confuse a Qui-Gon monk and a Qinggong monk.
1886.B) I cannot wield Brilliant energy Nunchunks, no matter how I justify it.

1887. Yes, a maneuver master monk can specialize in Steal, Disarm, and Sunder. That does not mean I have to strip every hostile encounter naked.
1887.B) Or every N.P.C, for that matter.
1887.C) The P.Cs would prefer to keep their pants on, thanks.

1888.Quivering palm is not to be used as foreplay.
1888.B) I don’t care how it sounds!

1889.My Qinggong monk is not any of the Z-fighters, or anyone they’ve fought, for that matter.
1889.B) Therefore, I cannot call his Scorching ray the Dodon Ray
1889.C)Or his Dragon’s Breath the Break Cannon –
1889.D) Or his Discordant Blast the Big-Bang Attack
1889. E)Or his Ki-shout as the Dimensional Scream

1900.If I use quicken-spell-like ability to use Blood Crow Strike twice in one turn for a total of 13+ attacks, I will not be surprised when Kenshiro comes onto the scene and beats the piss out of me.

1901.My breath weapon does not require me to be chargin’ mah *BWAAAAAAAH!*

1902.My monk is not required to scream at the top of his lungs in order to reacquire Ki.

1903.My Stunning fist is not nutritious and delicious.
1903.B)My Elemental fist is not spicy, and nor is it minty, tangy, or sour.
1903.C)My Punishing kick is not covered in smooth, rich dark chi-colate.
1903.D)Perfect strike is not part of a balanced breakfast.
1903.E)In a similar vein, Boar style is not balcony, mantis style isn’t crunchy, and monkey style isn’t cannibalism.
1903.F) When using Drunken Strength, my attacks do not taste like Jack Daniels.

1904.Cannot gain drunken Ki from hitting myself and making myself punch-drunk.

1905.Not to play lawful evil as chaotic neutral.
1905.B) There is no law of chaos and thus I cannot be chaotic lawful.

1906.Cannot use the martial artist’s Physical Resistance class feature to consume vast amounts of hard drugs with no ill effects.
1906.B)Cannot do the same using a normal monk and purity of body.

1907. If I am to stop a charging dire rhino, the answer is not “Judo.”
1907.B) Even if I am a flowing monk.

1908.My combat maneuver bonus does not give me a bonus when indulging in carnal sin.

[eulmanis12]

1909 The Plane shift ability is not for moving Aircraft a small distance to the left/right

1910 If I somehow gain the abillity to time travel I may not go forwards in time to WWII era in the D&D world, Steal a tank, a flamethrower, an smg, a bazooka, and ammo for the above then return to the past to fight the BBEG

1911 If we're playing a WWII RPG my chosen class must be something normal, there are no wizards/sorcerors/clerics in WWII.
1911a Being an army Chaplain does not grant me healing powers. Nor may I turn undead or smite evil.

1912 If I am DMing a WWII RPG and it is not supposed to have scifi/fantasy elements, then I may not attack the PCs with a swarm of Nazi Zombies.
1912a If this does happen 1911a no longer applies, the charecter playing a chaplain may turn undead.

1913 I am to cease all attempts at creating a D&D at 1940's tech level spinoff
1913a In said spinoff the Elves are not to be the Nazis, nor are the Orcs to be Russia
1913b the BBEG is not to Romwin Erwal, an Elvin general who rides in a Panzer IV
1914c Seriously no more D&D WWII
1915d F6F Hellcat fighters flown by halflings are no match for a Dragon, it does not matter that they have 6 .50cals each.

1916 George Patton is not an acceptable charecter concept.

[Kazyan]

1917. Cannot research disintegrate self.
1917a. Unless its only component is a Monty Python joke. Then, every PC casts it spontenously forevermore, regardless of class.

[Razanir]

1918. I may not throw the party gnome off a cliff to see how deep it is

[TechnoScrabble]

1919. Dwarven fighter/barbarians are not rugby players.

[Ason]

1920: Committees & Caucuses: Robert's Rule of the Evil Order is not a good idea for a campaign, no matter how excellent the source material
1920a: Especially if the villains are a clay golem named Henry, a drider named Daniel and a human Aristocrat/Evangelist named J.C. Calhoun. Doubly so if they name their evil cabal the "Great Triumvirate".

[Doorhandle]

1921. Cannot get one of every ioun stone, make them orbit my head, and then declare myself JUPITER: KING OF PLANETS.

[Lord Il Palazzo]

1922. Killing the boss the DM designed to provide a long and challenging fight in just over one round via a surprise round and multiple critical hits, while awesome, is generally considered bad form.