Relationship Woes and Advice 22: In Which Two Problems Prevent Each Others' Solution

[Gwyn chan 'r Gwyll]

That's what Best Friends are like, in my experience. No "forever" needed, on account of the afore-mentioned squealing preteen girl connotations...

[Grinner]

Originally Posted by arguskos

Eh, BFF both bothers me as a term (it brings to mind images of squee'ing 14 yr. old girls, which I'm not a fan of) and because it carries a connotation of permanency to it.

Then it was a poor joke.

[arguskos]

Originally Posted by Scotchland

Then it was a poor joke.

Oh! Joke. Yes. I clearly checked out for a moment. Sorry dude, didn't mean to harsh your mellow or anything. I'm... sorta thick, at times.

[Dr.Epic]

Warning: the following message is 75% serious. Please try to wade through the bizarre humor.

Hey there folks! I got me a two part Romance Pants Type Problem*

Part I:
How do I hit on/flirt/chat with a girl online? Now before you start to think I'm some kind of creepy internet man on the creepy internet with a creepy internet plan, well, you'd be right. But in this instance I'm not. I know the female in question. I used to go to school with her and have talked to her in person and hopefully I'll be back next year and be able to hit on/flirt/chat with in person. This is more or less I miss her and want to talk to her and possibly advance the relationship long distance style. I see she's on Facebook and this is really just a matter of courage to talk to her/I don't know what to strike up a conversation about.

Part II:
PM me for the sequel. (That's right, this part is direct to video)

*Actual Romance Problem may or may not involve pants and the addition of the word "pants" may or may not have been added to make a rhyme. Do not take the phrase "Romance Pants" as literal because that'd be gross and most likely inappropriate.

[Reluctance]

It's the Facebook. People friend each other there for all sorts of stupid reasons. So long as the profile is easy to find by punching her name in (or better, if she gave it to you), a simple "hi, was wondering what you'd been up to?" should work.

[dehro]

Originally Posted by Dr.Epic

Warning: the following message is 75% serious. Please try to wade through the bizarre humor.

Hey there folks! I got me a two part Romance Pants Type Problem*

Part I:
How do I hit on/flirt/chat with a girl online? Now before you start to think I'm some kind of creepy internet man on the creepy internet with a creepy internet plan, well, you'd be right. But in this instance I'm not. I know the female in question. I used to go to school with her and have talked to her in person and hopefully I'll be back next year and be able to hit on/flirt/chat with in person. This is more or less I miss her and want to talk to her and possibly advance the relationship long distance style. I see she's on Facebook and this is really just a matter of courage to talk to her/I don't know what to strike up a conversation about.

Part II:
PM me for the sequel. (That's right, this part is direct to video)

*Actual Romance Problem may or may not involve pants and the addition of the word "pants" may or may not have been added to make a rhyme. Do not take the phrase "Romance Pants" as literal because that'd be gross and most likely inappropriate.

I love the idea of Romance Pants, even though it conjures images of Edna Mode going "no pants!"..
that said..use the book of face for the only good thing it has.. the possibility to drop a oneliner regarding something she has said that can be taken in more than the way she just said it. in other words, make a joke about what she has posted on her status... if it's acceptably racy, even better.
not necessarily in public. can be a private mail too...depending on the joke and the level of exposure of your dirtyoldcreepiness it sends to your other contacts.
if and when she reacts to your joke with a positive feedback (a simple "lol" will do, I'm told).. take the chance to throw in a "long time no chatted" kind of thing.. get her in private chat somewhere well away from facebook and forget about facebook for the reminder of the situation. facebook does more damage than good... so.. get her in private conversation and be equal parts of interesting, interested in her stuff and amazing/funny to talk to.

if you can do all of the above, you're set.
if not, you'll fail miserably..
so... no pressure.

[Serpentine]

My most recent ex is angry at me. That's fair enough. But he has an uncanny knack for deciding to tell me so right when I'm already down.
Apparently I "really ****ed [him] up". Sheet. -.-

[wadledo]

Originally Posted by Serpentine

My most recent ex is angry at me. That's fair enough. But he has an uncanny knack for deciding to tell me so right when I'm already down.
Apparently I "really ****ed [him] up". Sheet. -.-

Every lovely woman does that though. There's really no way around it.

[Maeglin_Dubh]

Originally Posted by wadledo

Every lovely woman does that though. There's really no way around it.

Be that as it may, it's not something you tell the woman in question without malicious intent.

My most recent ex left me in all sorts of turmoil. We started dating the end of April last year, and with that time coming around again I'm remembering what I currently consider the happiest time of my life. And the fact that I don't currently see any realistic chance of reclaiming that way of life, or anything like it.

But I'll be damned before I tell her that. Her knowing that wouldn't make her life any better, and it won't make my life any better. And I couldn't stand to make her life worse, not for anything.

[Starwulf]

Originally Posted by Maeglin_Dubh

Be that as it may, it's not something you tell the woman in question without malicious intent.

My most recent ex left me in all sorts of turmoil. We started dating the end of April last year, and with that time coming around again I'm remembering what I currently consider the happiest time of my life. And the fact that I don't currently see any realistic chance of reclaiming that way of life, or anything like it.

But I'll be damned before I tell her that. Her knowing that wouldn't make her life any better, and it won't make my life any better. And I couldn't stand to make her life worse, not for anything.

Ehh, I don't think it would always be done with malicious intent. It might be done with the intent of conveying exactly how much they really meant to you. I did that once, in the hopes we could get back together again...and it worked. She said she didn't realize I cared about her that much. Of course it didn't work out in the long run, but still, there's no reason it might not work out for someone else.

[Eadin]

Originally Posted by Serpentine

My most recent ex is angry at me. That's fair enough. But he has an uncanny knack for deciding to tell me so right when I'm already down.
Apparently I "really ****ed [him] up". Sheet. -.-

Spoiler

*hug* an ex if mine did (still does) that too.
Don't let it get you down, I've found it's usually because it's easier to blame youfor everything than for them to accept they might have done something wrong in the relatiobship too.

[Heliomance]

What's an acceptable way to express the general sentiment of "I love you" when it's too early in the relationship for the l word to be acceptable? Specifically in the context of
*girlfriend does/says something geeky/adorable*
"...I love you so much"

A friend suggested "You're amazing" for more general usage, but in that context the best I can come up with is "<3", which kinda works in text but isn't exactly pronouncable.

English doesn't have enough words.

[Reluctance]

I'm partial to "I want to **** you so hard right now". I don't know that you're the type to feel comfortable saying it that way, though.

Go hyperbole. "This is why I would fight off Visigoth hordes for you" has almost the same cutesy, with nowhere near the clingy.

[Carecalmo]

What about: "Your words! So beautiful and true! I must have them! *kissykisskiss*"

Or maybe just going the nonverbal route and patting her on the top of her head? Though that is inappropriate in many situations as well.

[Rawhide]

Originally Posted by Heliomance

What's an acceptable way to express the general sentiment of "I love you" when it's too early in the relationship for the l word to be acceptable? Specifically in the context of
*girlfriend does/says something geeky/adorable*
"...I love you so much"

A friend suggested "You're amazing" for more general usage, but in that context the best I can come up with is "<3", which kinda works in text but isn't exactly pronouncable.

English doesn't have enough words.

There are the following words:
You're sooo cute!
You're sooo cute when you do that!
You're sooo adorable!
You're sooo adorable when you do that!

Or:
I want to kiss you so much right now!
(Has the added benefit of a possible reply of "Well, why don't you?")

Alternatively:
Play this song. (Hope it's the right one, won't load for me.)

[Qaera]

Just shout "LESS THAN THREE" until she accepts your marriage proposal.

~ ♅

[fergo]

Throw balloons at her. Constantly.

[Serpentine]

"I love it when you do that" or "I love that about you" could be a bridging thing.

[fergo]

Originally Posted by Serpentine

"I love it when you do that" or "I love that about you" could be a bridging thing.

I prefer using balloons. But, you know, this might work as well.

[The Succubus]

Originally Posted by Heliomance

What's an acceptable way to express the general sentiment of "I love you" when it's too early in the relationship for the l word to be acceptable? Specifically in the context of
*girlfriend does/says something geeky/adorable*
"...I love you so much"

A friend suggested "You're amazing" for more general usage, but in that context the best I can come up with is "<3", which kinda works in text but isn't exactly pronouncable.

English doesn't have enough words.

So don't use words - let your girlfriend see you smile when she makes you happy and when she makes you feel warm and fuzzy inside, give her a hug. You can say a lot more that way than with a word.

[fergo]

Originally Posted by The Succubus

So don't use words - let your girlfriend see you smile when she makes you happy and when she makes you feel warm and fuzzy inside, give her a hug. You can say a lot more that way than with a word.

Or, you know, balloons.

Ok, I'm going to stop now

[Serpentine]

Balloons are also a valid option, yes.

[Rawhide]

Originally Posted by The Succubus

So don't use words - let your girlfriend see you smile when she makes you happy and when she makes you feel warm and fuzzy inside, give her a hug. You can say a lot more that way than with a word.

This is actually quite a good idea. Tilt your head slightly and smile at her, nay, beam at her, in that special way until she looks at you and says "What?" - then reply with "Oh, nothing. Just... you."

[Maeglin_Dubh]

Originally Posted by Heliomance

What's an acceptable way to express the general sentiment of "I love you" when it's too early in the relationship for the l word to be acceptable? Specifically in the context of
*girlfriend does/says something geeky/adorable*
"...I love you so much"

A friend suggested "You're amazing" for more general usage, but in that context the best I can come up with is "<3", which kinda works in text but isn't exactly pronouncable.

English doesn't have enough words.

I'm partial to "This is why you're my favorite."

[Qaera]

Originally Posted by Rawhide

This is actually quite a good idea. Tilt your head slightly and smile at her, nay, beam at her, in that special way until she looks at you and says "What?" - then reply with "Oh, nothing. Just... you."

Intentional?

~ ♅

[Heliomance]

Originally Posted by Qaera

Intentional?

~ ♅

I noticed that too, but I doubt it, seeing as Rawhide doesn't come on the FB chat and thus doesn't know my name ^_^

[MountainKing]

Oh my word... I'm going to be pretty details-lite. Some older posters may remember my past woes concerning A, or not, ah well. In summary: an eight year long best friendship/romance-thinger has come to a screeching, abrupt end with absolutely no warning. A decided, for a number of reasons that I don't care to discuss, to cut me out of her life entirely yesterday. Her single most important reason (which I didn't even understand until today), is actually right. The bottom line is, there are some things I need to learn, and some areas I need to grow in, and she isn't the girl for me to learn them from. Apparently, there was some negative quality I was casting on her life, and her as a person, but I still don't understand that part. I suspect, I'll have to leave those questions unanswered for the immediate. So, she just... cut me out. More than once in the last couple months, she assured me, even promised me, that I would not lose her... and now she's gone.

I'm... doing okay... I think... I haven't spoken to her since yesterday, and I don't plan to... at least for a week. Maybe longer. I'm hurting, but in a stunning turn of events, in losing her, I seem to have regained my old social mask. For the moment, only two people know that I'm down; one I explicitly told, and one SHOULD be A... but, things sort of turned into a tiff at the end. My fault. She may know and not give a damn, or she may just not give a damn. No idea. Nobody else (well, other than you guys) knows what's going on in my head and heart right now... I think I'm going to keep it that way, at least for now.

It's a sort of cold comfort, knowing that I've found my mask again. My poker face, if you will. Rationally, I know it's not necessarily healthy in the long term... but I can't say how long I'll be wearing it.

Chin up, and keep a stiff upper lip, they say. It's a phrase I haven't had to tell myself in quite some time.

[Castaras]

*hugs* Keep yourself with your friends as much as possible, be it talking online or in real life. Eat chocolate. Keep yourself busy doing things. It'll hurt. But you'll get through it.

[MountainKing]

I've sadly just about run out of people to talk to online, with her gone, BUT, on the plus side, I'm totally going to trivia tonight with a bunch of friends, and then I'll be hanging out with my best friend drinking and being a hooligan in videogames for the remainder. ...that sounds awfully short-sighted, actually, given that it'll only get me to about 4am tonight, maybe sooner, depending. But one thing at a time.

*hugsback* Thanks. I'll be sure to keep you guys posted if anything develops. At least, for me.

[Gwyn chan 'r Gwyll]

Castaras in on point: don't let yourself be isolated socially! Socialization is a great way to deal with things.