Things I May No Longer Do While Playing III: I May Not Iron Heart Surge Rule Zero - Page 44

Romanes eunt do · 09-18-2012, 12:31 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Rockphed

* Basing a character on Teddy Roosevelt is okay. Basing a character on cousin Teddy from "Arsenic and Old Lace" is not.

**No, I may not yell "charge" every time I go up the dungeon stairs.
***Failure to comply will result in automatic teleportation to Happydale.

Morithias · 09-18-2012, 12:43 PM

*Not allowed to have bandits endlessly hound the PC's while ignoring the merchant caravans.
**Not allowed to use obscure charts and tables from the Dungeon Master's Guide no one ever uses to point out that murdering the PC's is not only safer, but more profitable.
*** No longer allowed to play my bandits with anything resembling intelligence (even though intelligence is the core attribute of the rogue).

Riverdance · 09-18-2012, 02:28 PM

*It doesn't matter how stupid my fighter is, "bravery" is not synonymous with "violence."
**Nor is "courage" synonymous with "base attack bonus"

Craft (Cheese) · 09-18-2012, 02:44 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Riverdance

*It doesn't matter how stupid my fighter is, "bravery" is not synonymous with "violence."
**Nor is "courage" synonymous with "base attack bonus"

***Penis length is not synonymous with Base Attack Bonus either.
****No matter how many enhancement bonus pills you take

Ksheep · 09-18-2012, 02:49 PM

* My name is not James, and it is NOT what mother called me
** I may not use Enlarge on a peach
*** I may not awaken a monstrous centipede, spider, worm, ladybug, and lightning bug
**** I may not then live in the peach
***** I may not make the peach a mobile base by capturing a bunch of seagulls and having them fly us around everywhere
****** The BBEGs are not my aunts.

Reltzik · 09-19-2012, 09:28 AM

* The NPC guides assigned to get us to the adventure site are not then promoted to "trap specialists".
** Even if I have a high bluff and they a low wisdom.
*** The DM... er, kobolds... put a LOT of thought into that trap, and if I were to detect it, bypass it, or otherwise escape it, that would be rude.
**** I AM allowed to suggest that the barbarian bypass the door and greataxe his way in through the wall, since apparently a trap causing the entire building to collapse is sensitive to that sort of thing.

* Slippers of Spider Climbing are a privilege, not a right, and may be revoked if abused.
** Anything that requires holding a mini in midair above the monster, or forcing the DM to think in three dimensions, counts.
*** Attempting to invoke the DM's stupid "but you didn't actually say you were looking up, so you're surprised regardless of what you rolled" rule against the monsters also constitutes abuse.
**** Holding my breath is also a privilege, not a right, and may be revoked if abused.

* Not allowed to defeat a locust swarm with a smoke stick.
** Nor a centipede swarm with a Create Water spell.
*** Not allowed to use Create Water to increase the size class of a water elemental in order to get more XPs.
**** Water elementals are NOT hurt by Purify Food and Drink.

* Rangers may not select "Box Text" as a favored terrain. (They get favored terrain in addition to favored enemy in Pathfinder)

Reltzik · 09-19-2012, 09:41 AM

* May not mentally count down the seconds to midnight.
** Even if I do notice it's past midnight, it is NOT Talk Like A Pirate Day in the game world.

Sgt. Cookie · 09-19-2012, 12:39 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Reltzik

* May not mentally count down the seconds to midnight.
** Even if I do notice it's past midnight, it is NOT Talk Like A Pirate Day in the game world.

*** Nor may I play Iron Maiden a couple of minutes before.

MrLemon · 09-19-2012, 03:27 PM

* May not ask if there are small stones lying about and pick some up
** May not repeatedly ask the DM how many stones I've got
*** Especially not when something's happening
**** May not fill chasms with my DM-approved infinite supply of small stones

Kane0 · 09-19-2012, 11:58 PM

*I may not steal souls from the god of pain and suffering.
**Even if they want to be taken
***Especially if they are devoted followers of said god.
****Should I ever do so, I cannot then tear the poor soul apart because he likes torment.

McDougal · 09-20-2012, 01:24 PM

*I may no longer use Ghostform, Greater Invisibility, and Blink. Ever.
**Especially if I use it to hide in the BBEG's chair.
***ESPECIALLY if i then cast silenced Maximized Explosive Runes on his armrest.
****Even if I could totally do it.

*I may not put "invented Monopoly" as reason why my character is Ebil.

*I may not create a fighter based on a spartan soldier.
**Not even in a campaign based on Ancient Greece, where all the players are Spartans.
***I also may not make a Halo Spartan in my DM's campaign.

*I may not rule that Electric Eels exist, and that the shark can spit them at a player who is severely annoying me. Especially if the Character is vulnerable to lightning. Especially if each eel does 500d4 damage, no save, on a hit.
**Even if he's otherwise invulnerable.

Man on Fire · 09-20-2012, 04:49 PM

* I'm never, under any circumstances allowed to do anything I saw Jack Horner from Fables doing once.
** I cannot play character inspired by Jack Horner, because I cannot play character of his alignment.
*** Jack Horner's alignment isn't "chaotic neutral", neither is it "neutral evil" and not even "chaotic evil". Jack Horner's alignment is "A**hole".

Alabenson · 09-20-2012, 10:50 PM

*Am not to attack random NPC's on the basis that they might be shapeshifters.
**Am not to attack the other PC's on the basis that they might be shapeshifters.

MidgetMarine · 09-20-2012, 11:02 PM

*I may not grapple in mountain plate and use my AC penalty to drown the story-arc boss

Reltzik · 09-20-2012, 11:20 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Alabenson

*Am not to attack random NPC's on the basis that they might be shapeshifters.
**Am not to attack the other PC's on the basis that they might be shapeshifters.

*** Am not to attack shapeshifters on the grounds that they are shapeshifters, unless I want an alignment shift for racist murderings.

Ksheep · 09-21-2012, 12:29 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Reltzik

*** Am not to attack shapeshifters on the grounds that they are shapeshifters, unless I want an alignment shift for racist murderings.

**** I am not to shapeshift into a shapeshifter murderer, murder a non-shapeshifter, and blame the murder on the shapeshifter murderer.

tuggyne · 09-21-2012, 02:08 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Alabenson

*Am not to attack random NPC's on the basis that they might be shapeshifters.
**Am not to attack the other PC's on the basis that they might be shapeshifters.

*** Am not to attack myself on the basis that I might be a shapeshifter.

eulmanis12 · 09-21-2012, 08:39 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by tuggyne

*** Am not to attack myself on the basis that I might be a shapeshifter.

actually I think thats ok, my DM would allow it.

*Am not to create plans worthy of any of the folowing
-Rube Goldburg
-Wile E Coyote
-Jack Sparrow
-Maxwell Smart
-Scooby Do and co
-Daffy Duck
-Tom
-Jerry

BootStrapTommy · 09-21-2012, 02:12 PM

*If the PCs tell me that they are building a party with the soul purpose of breaking as many of the rules on this list as possible, I'm required as a DM to just kill them all.
**If I don't, I'm required to prohibit anything Eberron to see how they can creatively fill the hole left by the lack of artificers and warforged.
*** Goliaths are never allowed in ANY campaign EVER again.

Man on Fire · 09-21-2012, 06:06 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by eulmanis12

actually I think thats ok, my DM would allow it.

*Am not to create plans worthy of any of the folowing
-Rube Goldburg
-Wile E Coyote
-Jack Sparrow
-Maxwell Smart
-Scooby Do and co
-Daffy Duck
-Tom
-Jerry

* Making plan that will look like all of those guy had a wild mind-melting orgy in the backstage will get me kicked out of the group.

Ksheep · 09-22-2012, 10:24 AM

* I may not make up a dungeon on the fly
** Especially when said dungeon is full of traps, also made on the fly
*** Doubly so if the dungeon is filled with Kobolds
**** Triply so if the dungeon is filled with Kobolds who are played in a smart manner.
***** Even more so if the party rogue is a cowardly kobold who stays in the back of the party that they picked up at the beginning of the dungeon who the rest of the kobolds want to kill for stealing all their nice stuff.

Riverdance · 09-22-2012, 08:28 PM

*There is no powerful demon's soul trapped within my sword.
**The demon is not named after the son of god
***The demon does not grant the sword powers of flight and the ability to burst into flame at my command.
****I do not have sword shaped slots in my boots which I can use to stand on the sword like a snowboard.
*****I may not surf through the air on a Jesus the flaming sword.

Sith_Happens · 09-23-2012, 01:53 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by BootStrapTommy

**If I don't, I'm required to prohibit anything Eberron to see how they can creatively fill the hole left by the lack of artificers and warforged.

*** Iron Heart Surge cannot remove the condition "I am not a warforged artificer." The classics. :D

Rockphed · 09-23-2012, 03:02 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Riverdance

*There is no powerful demon's soul trapped within my sword.
**The demon is not named after the son of god
***The demon does not grant the sword powers of flight and the ability to burst into flame at my command.
****I do not have sword shaped slots in my boots which I can use to stand on the sword like a snowboard.
*****I may not surf through the air on a Jesus the flaming sword.

****** Unless I am playing in a superhero game. Then this is practically expected.

toapat · 09-23-2012, 03:20 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by MidgetMarine

*I may not grapple in mountain plate and use my AC penalty to drown the story-arc boss

**Except Whenever i am playing a character who can do that.

but seriously? That sounds like an awesome way to kill the boss.

Ksheep · 09-23-2012, 03:39 PM

* Advanced HD Cloakers do not look like suits of full-plate.

* No, I cannot cast animate object on the paladin's armor and make him do something that's against his code

toapat · 09-23-2012, 08:58 PM

*My kobold paladin may worship Pun-Pun
**He on the other hand, is completely disallowed from getting domain spells.

LordDeathkeeper · 09-23-2012, 10:20 PM

*I may not use my familiar's telepathy as a walkie-talkie
*I may not provide moral advice for our Cleric
**I may not laugh in the face of our cleric when he is sentenced for murdering a baby Gold Dragon.
*I may not use my familiar to spy on other PCs and learn their darkest secrets before they are prepared to tell me
**I may not purposely choose spells capable of killing our Rogue even though I found out that she is part Vampire
*I may not refer to our dual-wielder as The Hash-Slinging Slasher
*I may not try to use Taunt on the BBEG
*I may not point out to the GM that the thing that just killed someone does not in fact harm him due to HD or effects he did not read.

Riverdance · 09-23-2012, 10:34 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by toapat

*My kobold paladin may worship Pun-Pun
**He on the other hand, is completely disallowed from getting domain spells.

***My Kobold Druid may not worship Pun-Pun. Being a Druid is bad enough.

toapat · 09-23-2012, 11:03 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Riverdance

***My Kobold Druid may not worship Pun-Pun. Being a Druid is bad enough.

well, if any class can be described as the Disciple of Punpun, it would be the hyper-optimized paladin. sure, a paladin isnt going to be rewriting reality, but they still function as a sort of Mini-pun.