LGBTAitp 27: Of Shoes, and Ships, and Sealing Wax

[Heliomance]

Hello, everyone, and welcome to the thread for the discussion, celebration and support of Lesbian, Gay, Bisexual, Transgender, Asexual, Allied, and Queer individuals, and anyone else who fits into the alphabet soup somewhere!

Here's the in-thread rules!

1. No adult sexual content. *It's against site rules.
2. Let's keep things as A-political as possible.
3. Similarly, try to leave religion out of it.
4. NO discussing if LGBTAetc. is "good" or "right" for the above reasons, mostly.
5. Everyone is welcome. *L, G, B,T, A, Q, A, N, V, P, R, Q, Ω, ♅, everyone. *As long as they behave themselves.

If you have a question or two about LGBTA+, you can ask it here! You can ask for advice and support in here.

In addition, many members are willing to give private advice one on one, either through email or PM. *The best ways to do this are initiating the PM, or asking for PM help in thread.

Previous threads, because archives are important.

Spoiler

1. LGBT people in the playground
   
2. LGBT people in the playground - part II
   
3. LGBTitp - part III
   
4. LGBTitp 4: We are a family?
   
5. LGBTitp - Part Five
   
6. LGBTitp - Part Six
   
7. LGBTitp - Part Seven
   
8. LGBTitp - Part Eight
   
9. LGBTitp - Part Nine
   
10. LGBTAitp - Part Ten
    
11. LGBTAitp - Part Eleven
    
12. LGBTAitp - Part Twelve
    
13. LGBTAitp - Part Thirteen
    
14. LGBTAitp - Part Fourteen
    
15. LGBTAitp - Part Fifteen
    
16. LGBTAitp - Part Sixteen
    
17. LGBTAitp - Part Seventeen
    
18. LGBTAitp - Part Eighteen!
    
19. LGBTAitp - Part Nineteen
    
20. LGBTAitp - Part Twenty - Critical Hit!
    
21. LGBTAitp - Part Twenty-One - BLACKJACK!
    
22. LGBTAitP Part 22: The Best There Is
    
23. LGBTAitP Part 23: Et tu, ~Bianca?
    
24. LGBTAitP: Alphabet Soup-with 24 different Vitamins!
    
25. LGBTAitP part 25: Doing Away With Subtitles
    
26. LGBTAitP 26: No Time For Snappy Titles

And the community's previously posted list of Thousand&Wordster Dictionary of Commonly Used LGBTAitP Words and Phrases, originally scribed by AThousandWords (now Qaera) and added to thereafter.

Spoiler

Lagerbeta: A fine brewski to be drunk by queers and allies.
LGBT: Lesbian, Gay, Bisexual, Trans*
Trans*: Transsexual and Transgender
LGBTA: LGBT+Asexual/Allies
QUILTBAG:

Spoiler

Q - Queer and Questioning*
U - Unidentified*
I - Intersex*
L - Lesbian*
T - Transgender, Transexual*
B - Bisexual*
A - Asexual*
G - Gay, Genderqueer

Allies: Straight people that support equality for sexuality and gender minorities.
MtF: Male-to-Female: A woman born with male nibblies, who may or may not be seeking HRT and/or SRS. (AKA: trans woman)
FtM: Female-to-Male: A man born with female nibblies, who may or may not be seeking HRT and/or SRS. (AKA: trans man)
GQ: Genderqueer.*
CS: Cis-sexual: sex and gender match (a male with male nibblies, a female with female nibblies.
TS: Transsexual: Sex and gender disparity.
HRT: Hormone replacement therapy. MtF's take more progestrogens and oestrogens and FtM's take more testosterone (I think?)
SRS: Sex Reassignment Surgery: Surgery to replace/transform a vagina into a penis, or vice versa depending on direction. Mastectomies or plastic surgery may be used on breasts.
FFS: Facial Feminization Surgery: Plastic surgery to reduce chin/nose/cheekbones. Not very common.

Man: A cisman or transman. Male.
Woman: A ciswoman or transwoman. Female.*
Androgyne: Gender Identity with male and female aspects.*
Genderfluid: Someone who fluctuates between male and female.
Agendered: Someone who feels neither male nor female.
Third-gendered: Someone who fits in a local society's third gender, usually male performing female tasks, occasionally vice versa.
Masculine: Something generally associated with men.*
Feminine: Something generally associated with women.

Lesbian: A woman who is attracted to women.
Gay: A man who is attracted to men.
Homosexual: A person who is attracted to members of their gender.
Heterosexual: A person who is attracted to members of the opposite gender.
Bisexual: A person who is attracted to both male and female people.
Pansexual: A person who is attracted to people regardless of gender.
Asexual: A person who does not feel any/some sexual attraction.
Demisexual: A person who is only sexually attracted to someone(s) they have formed an intense emotional relationship with.
Androsexual: A person (of any gender identity) who is sexually attracted to the male-bodied form.
Gynosexual: A person (of any gender identity) who is sexually attracted to the female-bodied form
Polyamorous: A person who is interested in a relationship with more than one person.
Radosexual: A person who is only attracted to rad people.
Pomosexual: A person who avoids SO labels.*

Sexual Orientation: How one identifies who they are attracted to. (SO)
Gender Identity: How one feels inside society's idea of "man, woman, or other". (GI)
Gender Expression: How one expresses their GI to society. (GE)
Significant Other(s): Person you are in a relationship with. (SO)

[Heliomance]

Thanks for asking me to make the thread, SiuiS. I don't know why, but that acknowledgement that I'm part of the community, not just a hanger-on, really touched me

I has a happy.

[Astrella]

Originally Posted by Lix Lorn

I have no idea how dorms work, so this may be useless, but do you have like, a dorm manager you could speak to?

Well, there's the RA; but I'm not sure if they're supposed to deal with stuff like this.

Originally Posted by KenderWizard

Well, "Lena" is a reasonably straightforward name, that could in theory be applied to a boy, especially if you take into account other cultures and languages etc. If it was something like "Susan" I wouldn't be recommending this, but there's the option of just going for it, introduce yourself as "Lena" and if anyone asks, just say "That's just what people call me." and if anyone gives trouble, report them. But I think most people just accept names, even slightly unusual ones.

Yeah, but I don't want it to be "a name that can be applied to a boy" though. Like, not "this is a boy named Lena", but "this is a girl named Lena".

Originally Posted by Heliomance

ni is a place for pushing back borders and finding (or displaying) who you really are. If you have the confidence, I'd definitely say try going in girlmode.

Unless you're in all-male halls, of course. That might be a bit awkward.

My dorm is mixed. I actually don't even think single-gender dorms are a thing here. I don't know of any at least. I don't really have clothes to go in girl-mode though... I've been meaning to order some stuff now that I'm back at dorms since I'm not sure if I'm confident enough to go to stores yet but the mailbox key is missing. >.> (Have to ask the RA about that when they pop by later this week.)

-----

Also yay, happy Helio!

[supernerd]

New thread looks great! Nice work Helio!

[Coidzor]

Well, I imagine that we're pretty much unanimous in our fondness for you.

[turkishproverb]

Ah, new thread smell.

[SaintRidley]

Happy Helio is good. We like a happy Helio around here.

[Rawhide]

Originally Posted by turkishproverb

Ah, new thread smell.

Do I really need to remind people not to do this?

[turkishproverb]

Astrella. That's a bit surprising to me. I didn't know of any place Mixed dorms were common.

Learn something new every day.

[Selpharia]

In my experience, in these kinds of cases, there are co-ed dorms but the individual rooms are still separated by gender. It's pretty common, at least in U.S. colleges (though I'm not sure it's the same where Astrelia is)

[Astrella]

Yesh, mixed gender is the standard here. The concept of roommates is still something that odd to me, cause that is completely not a thing here. (unless you're living together in an actual appartment I guess.)

[The Shadowmind]

In NC, USA here, and the freshman dorms were divided in halls of each gender. For latter year areas the dorm were still single gender, unless co-ed was requested, but halls were mixed.

[golentan]

At UC Santa Cruz the dorms are co-ed, but there are women only floors available on request. Interestingly, there are no single gender floors for men, the justification given being that there had never been enough requests to justify it.

[Jeff the Green]

My alma mater had a women-only floor, but during my senior year they went to gender-neutral housing. As in a man and woman can room together (though both have to agree to it ahead of time). We had enough students whose legal gender didn't match their presented gender that the administration finally gave in. Most of the other colleges in Oregon already had gender-neutral housing.

[Arachu]

Originally Posted by Heliomance

Thanks for asking me to make the thread, SiuiS. I don't know why, but that acknowledgement that I'm part of the community, not just a hanger-on, really touched me

I has a happy.

*Belated hugs~*

Originally Posted by Astrella

Yeah, but I don't want it to be "a name that can be applied to a boy" though. Like, not "this is a boy named Lena", but "this is a girl named Lena".



My dorm is mixed. I actually don't even think single-gender dorms are a thing here. I don't know of any at least. I don't really have clothes to go in girl-mode though... I've been meaning to order some stuff now that I'm back at dorms since I'm not sure if I'm confident enough to go to stores yet but the mailbox key is missing. >.> (Have to ask the RA about that when they pop by later this week.)

I don't have any advice, but *hugs!*


~Bianca

[Mynxae]

Originally Posted by Rawhide

Do I really need to remind people not to do this?

But but but.. It's like a new book.

*hugs for Helio and Astrella*

Might be getting back with my ex that I mentioned a few pages ago, 'cause I also really never gave him much of a chance..

[Heliomance]

University bunfight is today - the event where all the clubs and societies try to persuade you to join them. I'm getting cold feet over my intention to sign up for pole dancing

[Mynxae]

Originally Posted by Heliomance

University bunfight is today - the event where all the clubs and societies try to persuade you to join them. I'm getting cold feet over my intention to sign up for pole dancing

Just ignore everyone else, probably the best thing to do. If it's what you want to do, go for it!

[KenderWizard]

Originally Posted by Heliomance

Thanks for asking me to make the thread, SiuiS. I don't know why, but that acknowledgement that I'm part of the community, not just a hanger-on, really touched me

I has a happy.

You are definitely part of this community! *hugs*

Originally Posted by Astrella

Yeah, but I don't want it to be "a name that can be applied to a boy" though. Like, not "this is a boy named Lena", but "this is a girl named Lena".

Oh, of course, sweetie, I didn't mean it like you should present as a boy named Lena. I thought you were worried about being tagged as a boy and I was trying to reassure you that even if someone mistook you for a boy, it's not like "Lena" would be an impossible name for a boy, so they'd likely just trip on in their mistake without making a big deal of it. ... My point, which I seem to be struggling to make, is that I think you should go for what makes you happy. And the RA as I understand them is totally supposed to back you up, and if they don't, go to the ... chief RA? Or student services.

Originally Posted by golentan

At UC Santa Cruz the dorms are co-ed, but there are women only floors available on request. Interestingly, there are no single gender floors for men, the justification given being that there had never been enough requests to justify it.

That's weird and kind of dumb. I suppose there are a lot more women who feel unsafe in the presence of men than vice versa, and unfortunately, it's way easier to make a "No Men" space than a "No Rapists/Abusers" space. I have my fingers crossed for that second one though. Someday we'll work it out.

Originally Posted by Heliomance

University bunfight is today - the event where all the clubs and societies try to persuade you to join them. I'm getting cold feet over my intention to sign up for pole dancing

I ... think pole-dancing is kind of stupid and problematic, actually, but that doesn't stop me from thinking you should go for it, if you want to. Go Helio!

Originally Posted by SiuiS

what? But... How?!?
I go from dry hair to slightly matted, soggy hair in twenty minutes o___o[

I dunno, I genuinely don't know how people can spend that long in the shower. I mean, you take your clothes off, step into the shower, then wet and wash your body as the water is warming (I have sort-of-warm showers, never hot showers), then rinse it off as you wet your hair, then shampoo the roots, rinse, condition the tips, rinse, step out, towel off quickly cause you're naked and wet, then put new clothes on and comb through your hair. That all only takes ten minutes for me, up to fifteen if it's cold or I'm sick or tense and I decide to have a slightly-warmer shower and stand under the water for a minute to relax, but that takes effect almost immediately.

[Heliomance]

Originally Posted by KenderWizard

I ... think pole-dancing is kind of stupid and problematic, actually, but that doesn't stop me from thinking you should go for it, if you want to. Go Helio!

Why? Divorced from the stripping connotations, it's simply a rather effective and fun form of exercise. It's gymnastics with a vertical bar instead of horizontal bars - what's the problem with that?

[Absol197]

Originally Posted by Astrella

Well, there's the RA; but I'm not sure if they're supposed to deal with stuff like this.

The RA is supposed to make sure that everyone is following the rules, right? Well, I'm pretty sure that "no harassment based on gender" is one of the school's rules. If it's not, I'm not sure that that's a school I'd want to go to.

Originally Posted by Astrella

Yeah, but I don't want it to be "a name that can be applied to a boy" though. Like, not "this is a boy named Lena", but "this is a girl named Lena".

*hugs* I think you should go for it! I kow it's scary, but if you always take the easy road, you'll never get where you want to go. Our path in life runs through a thick, dark, scary forest, but if you never brave that road, you'll never emerge into the sunlight on the other side, right?

Originally Posted by Coidzor

Well, I imagine that we're pretty much unanimous in our fondness for you.

^ This! Very much this!

Originally Posted by Heliomance

University bunfight is today - the event where all the clubs and societies try to persuade you to join them. I'm getting cold feet over my intention to sign up for pole dancing

I think you should go for it! I've always wanted to learn something like that, but I'm always too afraid that I'll look stupid. Go! Allow us to live vicariously throguh your successes!

...And, of course, to make yourself happy. That's the most important thing!

[Lentrax]

My school had gender separted floors. Guys on one side, gals on the other, with a large common area room between the two sides.

As I was going they ended up taking these dayrooms and converting them into regular rooms for five or six guys to share.

Now that I think back on it, is it kinda odd that I would end up in a room somewhere between the two genders, given my tendency to go back and forth on my mood? Or is it just me?

[The Succubus]

Originally Posted by Heliomance

Why? Divorced from the stripping connotations, it's simply a rather effective and fun form of exercise. It's gymnastics with a vertical bar instead of horizontal bars - what's the problem with that?

You go girl! It's always fun trying out a new form of exercise! =)

[Serpentine]

My uni's residential colleges were (I think) all one-person-per-room, and were all mixed except for one which was female-only. Mine was mixed all the way through, with shared bathrooms an' all. I'm not sure about the details of the others.
Then there was a "residential village", which was sort of somewhere between colleges and living in town: uni property, with administration and caretakers etc, shared with others, and self-catered. The units were 4, 8 or 12 occupant, and were any mix of sexes although you could often organise to have the specific people you want in them.

[Irish Musician]

Originally Posted by Heliomance

University bunfight is today - the event where all the clubs and societies try to persuade you to join them. I'm getting cold feet over my intention to sign up for pole dancing

Go for it so I can live vicariously through you!! My big-butt would bent the pole in half

[Asta Kask]

Originally Posted by Heliomance

Why? Divorced from the stripping connotations, it's simply a rather effective and fun form of exercise. It's gymnastics with a vertical bar instead of horizontal bars - what's the problem with that?

Yes, well, divorced from the chipmunks Alvin and the Chipmunks 2 might have been a good movie. But it wasn't.

[Lix Lorn]

Originally Posted by Coidzor

And then you spend time around people with minor speech impediments and various accents and find that there's a whole plethora of ways that words will sound the same and then sound different from the same person.

My female voice sounds so weird. I lose my accent, and end up sounding... I've been compared with a breathy streamer for LoL, I got called irish by one odd person, and generally am 'somewhere in the atlantic.' Some words sound SO weird that I stop for several seconds after saying them going 'Is that how I pronounce that word?'

Originally Posted by Coidzor

Well, I imagine that we're pretty much unanimous in our fondness for you.

I've been trying to pounce Helio for threads. Won't let me.

[Absol197]

Originally Posted by Lix Lorn

My female voice sounds so weird. I lose my accent, and end up sounding... I've been compared with a breathy streamer for LoL, I got called irish by one odd person, and generally am 'somewhere in the atlantic.' Some words sound SO weird that I stop for several seconds after saying them going 'Is that how I pronounce that word?'

I wish I knew what I really sound like. I've been trying for almost a year, and I'm still not even close.

Of course, it's usually just little things like singing in the car, but still. I'd expect some progress! That and not knowing my name is really dragging me down...

[KenderWizard]

Originally Posted by Heliomance

Why? Divorced from the stripping connotations, it's simply a rather effective and fun form of exercise. It's gymnastics with a vertical bar instead of horizontal bars - what's the problem with that?

Originally Posted by Asta Kask

Yes, well, divorced from the chipmunks Alvin and the Chipmunks 2 might have been a good movie. But it wasn't.

I would have gone with divorced from the harrowing series of events that push back the wedding, the Five-Year Engagement would have been an adorable and hilarious romcom instead of a nihilistic primer for disappointment and crushing despair.

I don't have a problem with you, a grown up at college, going to do some sideways gymnastics (okay, that sounds a LOT more like an innuendo than I thought it would!). And in a different world, I would probably love pole-dancing, and there would be an Olympic event of it, and it would be awesome and do what it can do - show off strength and skill - without any problematic stuff. But unfortunately, we live in this world, where pole-dancing is a thing marketed to women (and disturbingly young girls), and only women, as a fitness craze, while simultaneously being marketed to men as a way to watch women's bodies, again.

It's microproblematic versus macroproblematic again. The problem isn't a pole-dancing class, or an individual, or you, the problem is the way pole-dancing is coded in our culture, explicitly gendered, and associated with the commodification of women's bodies.

[The Succubus]

Now now, Miss Wizard, you're not being entirely fair there. There are more than a few strip clubs out there for female clientele that have poles installed for male dancers to use in their acts. Granted, pole dancing may have association with female strippers than male strippers but the world does not change over night. It's only through small steps like these that we achieve equality.

Besides, when it comes to shameless lust, commodification is a human trait rather than a male trait. Case in point - self insert fan-fiction. You can't tell me with a straight face that your lifelong dream of being the tasty filling of a Thor/Loki sandwich has more to do with a cool, logical assessment of the personalities and less to do with their long flowing locks, gorgeous eyes and pleasingly muscled bodies, hmm?