Relationship Woes and Advice 22: In Which Two Problems Prevent Each Others' Solution

[noparlpf]

Originally Posted by Morph Bark

Haha, that'd be a great idea, but sadly she stays in a city in another province during the week due to her studies (she's studying to be a dentist, which may be troublesome for some sports as she may under no circumstances injure her thumb, as that may disqualify her from becoming a dentist). She does enjoy going for a run though, so I could just as well come along with her sometime, or take her along to go for a run in the woods somewhere.

Or just, y'know, a walk.


Now I just have to find out what sports and what times fit me best. I'm looking into taekwondo, judo, karate and boxing.

I'm not a fan of boxing myself. The other three sound much better to me.

[TheWombatOfDoom]

Originally Posted by Morph Bark

Now I just have to find out what sports and what times fit me best. I'm looking into taekwondo, judo, karate and boxing.

You should see if you can find a fencing place. I used to fence and loved it. I really miss it now. :(

[Coidzor]

Originally Posted by Morph Bark

Now I just have to find out what sports and what times fit me best. I'm looking into taekwondo, judo, karate and boxing.

Well, you throw in some good grappling martial arts and dance classes and you can have some fun, I'll say that much.

[Worira]

Originally Posted by noparlpf

I'm not a fan of boxing myself. The other three sound much better to me.

Boxing is pretty great.

That said, it depends more on the quality of instruction than the specific art. Go to each, watch a lesson, talk to the instructor. See how much sparring (/randori/kumite/kyorugi/matsogi) they do. Be wary of any schools that want you to commit to a lengthy period of teaching in advance.

[Morph Bark]

Originally Posted by TheWombatOfDoom

You should see if you can find a fencing place. I used to fence and loved it. I really miss it now. :(

Last year I was looking into applying to a kendo club at my then-university city's club, but then feces hit the rotating air movement device. Fencing is interesting too, but two of my friends already practice it, and while I would like sparring against them, I'd rather go into a different field, especially seeing as they're already experts. Plus, the style is less my thing, I think. And I also LARP, and have discovered that fencing moves are actually very dangerous and very much forbidden at LARPs, because the foamrubber weapons effectively become whips and thus much more damaging and hurting.

Originally Posted by Coidzor

Well, you throw in some good grappling martial arts and dance classes and you can have some fun, I'll say that much.

Ha! Good one. That'll be a little while yet, I think. Dance classes are an interesting idea though, yeah. This weekend I'll be at a workshopweekend organized by the same people who organize the LARPs I attend, where they also got one for "balfolk", which is a kind of dance apparently. I asked if she wanted to come too, but she has exams the week after, so that's a no-go. Instead, another girl asked me to dance with her then (we're pretty good friends considering how few we see one another, basically only the LARP events) and I'll be seeing birthday-girl on Friday hopefully.

In the meantime, I feel like we've kind of drifted off topic there for a bit. xD Sorry for that, but feel free to assist me and continue the converation in here!

[Karen Lynn]

Originally Posted by TheWombatOfDoom

*Dances around and strikes a disco pose* AW YEAH. Been rooting for you bud! Glad it's working out well!

I now have the mental image of a wombat in a disco pose, doing the hip thrust with disco music... thanks, omae.

Now, where's the Léas?

[CrimsonAngel]

I want my boyfriend to stop smoking pot but he just gets mad at me every time i ask him not to. When we started dating he expressed dismay that he used to smoke and now he's started it again so i'm not really sure what happened. What should I do?

[Karen Lynn]

Sounds like he may be dependant on it(don't buy the hype, you can become dependant on pot[psychological addiction]). If it's something you won't budge on, and he is adamant about it, break up with him. It really isn't worth it sometimes. This is under the assumption y'all don't live together or have a kid. If he lives with you, make him move out. If you live with him, start packing and move back home.

*I am passionately against drugs of any form.

[Morph Bark]

Originally Posted by Adrian Korvedzk

Now, where's the Léas?

The what?

Also: MOOORRRTAAALLL WOOOMMMBAAATT!

Originally Posted by CrimsonAngel

I want my boyfriend to stop smoking pot but he just gets mad at me every time i ask him not to. When we started dating he expressed dismay that he used to smoke and now he's started it again so i'm not really sure what happened. What should I do?

It might be a sign that he's become more stressed recently and started smoking again to cope with that. That may also explain why he gets angry when you call him out on it, because he may feel that because you don't want him to smoke pot, indirectly you'd be preventing him from unstressing. Perhaps you should ask him if there is something bothering him?

[Karen Lynn]

Originally Posted by Morph Bark

The what?

Sorry. Laés. Always get the a and é backwards.

Its a drug in ShadowRun that wipes short term memory up to twelve hours prior. The memories can not be recovered through any means, as the have been utterly destroyed.

tl;dr ShadowRun brain bleach.

[CrimsonAngel]

Originally Posted by Morph Bark

It might be a sign that he's become more stressed recently and started smoking again to cope with that. That may also explain why he gets angry when you call him out on it, because he may feel that because you don't want him to smoke pot, indirectly you'd be preventing him from unstressing. Perhaps you should ask him if there is something bothering him?

He did start going to a new school (in bloody Spain - across an ocean) but it seems like he's just doing it for fun. Maybe I should ask if everything is alright. Thank you.

[dehro]

Originally Posted by CrimsonAngel

He did start going to a new school (in bloody Spain - across an ocean) but it seems like he's just doing it for fun. Maybe I should ask if everything is alright. Thank you.

how's the commute?

[CrimsonAngel]

Originally Posted by dehro

how's the commute?

He lives on-campus. He had to move there.

[Coidzor]

Originally Posted by CrimsonAngel

He lives on-campus. He had to move there.

Ah, LDRs. My condolences. *hug* All kinds of factors that could be in play here too. Though there is a small silver lining in him being somewhat open about this rather than pretending that he isn't.

[Morph Bark]

Long distance relationships always suck, especially intercontinental ones. How are you dealing with it? And how is he?

[RabbitHoleLost]

Alternatively, instead of asking him to give it up, you might consider whether this is a thing in your relationship you can tolerate.
If he refuses, in the end, is it something you can live with?

I've been in the situation, though the weed wasn't the thing that bothered me, but his actual cigarettes (let me tell you, kissing someone who's smoked weed is like a thousand times better than kissing someone who's smoked tobacco in any form), and continually pressing your significant other to give up something they enjoy makes for a stressful relationship full of resentment.

[Thajocoth]

Originally Posted by AngelSword

I feel it necessary to point out, for what it's worth, that she and I are separated by about 1,500 miles, whereas the new guy is local. >.>

My girl & I are over 2000 miles apart. (Google Maps says it's about a 2250 mile drive.) We hate the distance between us. Neither of us would've started the relationship at this distance. She's been burned by an LDR before, and I just don't see them as something likely to work...

The individual you're talking about may simply not be open to LDRs. That's a limit for a lot of people.

[Karen Lynn]

I got lucky... met a girl recently who loves the fact that I'm a truck driver. LDR is working good for us.

[houlio]

So it's the time of the year when I have girl frustrations. I mostly just need to type this out, because it forces me to actually think it all out.

Spoiler

In this case, I met someone about 6 months ago now, and I had an inkling that she was interested in me. Just a couple examples: over the summer, our mutual friend passed along an invitation to come to some soiree happening at her place that he said explicitly came from her, and more recently she has asked me to move to sit near her in our one shared class (it's a seminar so unfortunately there are few chances to get a word or two in edge-wise). While it sounds kinda clear-cut while I'm typing it, this attention doesn't seem to be too terribly consistent or anything, which makes me think it's for a different reason which I'll get to. A combination of being busy and too shy has stopped me from wanting to try anything until around about now.

The problem I'm having is that a few of my features, namely being extremely soft-spoken and having very sensitive, weepy eyes, makes it seem to most acquaintances that I am extremely sad all of the time. I'm actually quite happy to just wake up everyday, and this contrast is something that many of my close friends have commented upon. Needless to say, I am constantly surrounded by a lot of unnecessary but rather thoughtful sympathy, and I'm worried that I'm misreading her potential interest/concern here. I would enjoy making a move and having it turn out alright, but I know that historically I've been wrong more often than right.

I have been thinking about inviting her out to a few of the more interesting bars around the area, since she just recently hit 21. The issue I have here is I don't know if I should straight up say something like "Hey, let's just you and me try a date at this cool bar I've heard!" or something closer to "Hey, there's a bar that involves lots of chalkboards and free chalk to draw with, let's go sometime!"

[Form]

@Houlio
Looks like you've already got the intention to make a move, so it'd be a waste not to do so. Both options are probably fine, though I get the impression that people generally use the second and that things then tend to develop from there.

[Karen Lynn]

Houlio: Where is this bar? I must check that out!

On topic, I'm the kind who would use the first option(I can be blunt when I want something), but if she's more cute stuff/romantic, try the second option, the with the chalk, draw something funny/silly/cute with a caption asking her out.

Maybe...

Spoiler

[Morph Bark]

Originally Posted by Adrian Korvedzk

I got lucky... met a girl recently who loves the fact that I'm a truck driver. LDR is working good for us.

Sounds like some very good luck! Wish you the best, man.

[houlio]

Form: Thanks for the response, it helps to know that I'm at least not totally off the mark. I'll see her tomorrow, assuming that something untoward doesn't happen, so I'll see if I have any news I can bring.

Adrian Korvedzk: It's a Milwaukee bar, and it even features other things like extra-large jenga towers. One of the few benefits of living in Wisconsin is that there are enough drinking establishments for a quirky-bar-niche-market to thrive.
Also, thanks for the bit about drawing. I never even thought about doing something like that, which is a little silly since I thought of going to this particular place because I know she's into art.

[Coidzor]

Older women. Etiquette. My brain. Ow.

[Karen Lynn]

Houlio: Really? I live in Oshkosh. What bar is this? I love the niche market availability for bars here. Its half the reason I moved there. Well, glad I had a good idea for once.

Morph: Thanks! And was it you who had the EGS avvie?

[TheWombatOfDoom]

So after nearly 3 years of being single (after a messy break up with a fiancee) it looks like I've finally found someone to get back into the game with! She's genuine, and charming, but I still don't know her very well...should I date first and ask questions during, or get to know her better before foolishly jumping into uncharted waters?

In otherwords, is it foolhardy to ask out someone you don't know a lot about yet if you have an attraction that is mutual?

[Castaras]

Invite her out to coffee. Dating is all about finding out about a person, be it before or after you become fully committed.

Just don't go for a movie. Go for a coffee, and preferably have one or two topics to get you both talking. Dates are so much easier when you have something mutual to talk about.

Last "date" I went on (wasn't really one, but was similar), it involved the guy going "I'm bored, and I heard that there's this new bar around. Wanna try find it?". Which resulted in us talking about bars, trying to find places, stopping at a few pubs. It was good fun, had an awesome time chatting and led to more interesting things later on in the month. *eyebrow wiggle*

[The Succubus]

Ask them out so you can find out more about them! Seriously, it gives you plenty to talk about while you're together and then you decide at the end of the evening whether it was a date or not. =3

[TheWombatOfDoom]

We've already gone out to a few places a few times or hung out together amongst friends, though asking on a date would be a particularly different outting. I'll look into taking her on a date...any ideas (aside from coffee or bar)? I've honestly never had the opportunity to do so without it being fully in a relationship or not.

[Morph Bark]

Originally Posted by Adrian Korvedzk

Morph: Thanks! And was it you who had the EGS avvie?

No probs. And yeah, I did, for a brief while. I went back to this old one of mine, because I liked it a lot better and think its more representative of me.

Originally Posted by TheWombatOfDoom

I'll look into taking her on a date...any ideas (aside from coffee or bar)? I've honestly never had the opportunity to do so without it being fully in a relationship or not.

Anything I can think of besides coffee or bars sound significantly more date-like. Seriously, coffee or a bar isn't all that date-like really. I've gone to bars with girls who didn't consider it a date-like situation at all.

(For comparison, the other things that popped so quickly into my head include: movie, swimming, karaoke bar, bowling, miniature golf.)

At any rate, I'm very happy for you that you found someone, Mortal Wombat.