Personal Woes and Advice 2 - Page 18

WarKitty · 10-11-2012, 12:42 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Coidzor

I've found that a distressing number of my peers don't know basic things about keeping a house running(like, not leaving fruit rotting around and creating a fly or gnat infestation basic), let alone how to deal with basic minor maintenance and cleaning beyond using chlorox wipes.

Definitely this! We have a big deal over disposable products vs. more long term stuff. My other housemate is of the opinion that if you can buy a disposable product you should, because he doesn't want to "waste time" cleaning things. I object because of the expense - it costs way more to keep buying new stuff than to properly take care of things.

Chen · 10-11-2012, 07:28 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by WarKitty

Definitely this! We have a big deal over disposable products vs. more long term stuff. My other housemate is of the opinion that if you can buy a disposable product you should, because he doesn't want to "waste time" cleaning things. I object because of the expense - it costs way more to keep buying new stuff than to properly take care of things.

While it does cost more monetarily, you need to look at the opportunity cost as well. Your roommate seems to value their free time more than you do (in a monetary sense) and hence accepts the added expense of continually buying things rather than the alternative of using up free time and less money. Compromise would probably be the best here. Sure buy some disposable stuff but also show them that some things are quick and easy to clean (or whatever) and that it is worthwhile to have permanent things in those situations.

Coidzor · 10-11-2012, 10:02 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Chen

While it does cost more monetarily, you need to look at the opportunity cost as well. Your roommate seems to value their free time more than you do (in a monetary sense) and hence accepts the added expense of continually buying things rather than the alternative of using up free time and less money. Compromise would probably be the best here. Sure buy some disposable stuff but also show them that some things are quick and easy to clean (or whatever) and that it is worthwhile to have permanent things in those situations.

Granted, we don't really know what disposable things we're talking about here, as this could include a scenario where this person is throwing away metal flatware after dirtying it up because they're too lazy to put it in the dish washer or do dishes. Ridiculous, I know, and I'd say it was strawmanning if I hadn't run into it before.

WarKitty · 10-11-2012, 01:03 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Chen

While it does cost more monetarily, you need to look at the opportunity cost as well. Your roommate seems to value their free time more than you do (in a monetary sense) and hence accepts the added expense of continually buying things rather than the alternative of using up free time and less money. Compromise would probably be the best here. Sure buy some disposable stuff but also show them that some things are quick and easy to clean (or whatever) and that it is worthwhile to have permanent things in those situations.

It's more an issue that he tends to assume that certain things are "trash" because he's always seen them as disposable (e.g his family never got or kept receipts, so if he's cleaning and finds a receipt he'll throw it away, resulting in an annoyed housemate who wanted to take something back).

It's also just a big issue for me because I'm trying to avoid loans at all costs, and I make barely enough money to cover. If I have to replaced something, then I can't go out anywhere for that month.

Coidzor · 10-11-2012, 01:07 PM

Sounds like you need some folder or accordion file to store that kind of thing in and your own space that he's not to venture into, or at least not muck about with. Though it sounds like space is at a premium if that young woman is woken up by someone in the kitchen... :/

WarKitty · 10-11-2012, 01:58 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Coidzor

Sounds like you need some folder or accordion file to store that kind of thing in and your own space that he's not to venture into, or at least not muck about with. Though it sounds like space is at a premium if that young woman is woken up by someone in the kitchen... :/

Yeah, that it is. My room's not too bad. It's when we get things like "I just bought some nice new sponges that should make it easier to get the grime off, do you know where they are?" And the reply is "Oh they were really dirty and greasy so I threw them out and bought these new cheap ones instead." He just doesn't think that there might be such a thing as more expensive sponges that one keeps and washes.

Chen · 10-11-2012, 02:38 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Coidzor

Granted, we don't really know what disposable things we're talking about here, as this could include a scenario where this person is throwing away metal flatware after dirtying it up because they're too lazy to put it in the dish washer or do dishes. Ridiculous, I know, and I'd say it was strawmanning if I hadn't run into it before.

I agree its absurd, but I did notice that I could pick up a pack of 8 metal steak knives at the dollar store for $1. At that price throwing out flatware instead of washing it is getting pretty damn close, which is pretty scary in its own right. I mean at that cost taking 20 seconds to wash a knife is less efficient per hour than working if you make more than $22.50 an hour. Horribly wasteful of course though.

Quote:

Originally Posted by WarKitty

Yeah, that it is. My room's not too bad. It's when we get things like "I just bought some nice new sponges that should make it easier to get the grime off, do you know where they are?" And the reply is "Oh they were really dirty and greasy so I threw them out and bought these new cheap ones instead." He just doesn't think that there might be such a thing as more expensive sponges that one keeps and washes.

Hmm yeah that could be an issue. Really throwing out other people's things is the main problem here I'd say. Of course it might not necessarily be intentional. If he wasn't aware they were expensive sponges maybe he figured they were disposable. I mean personally I've not used sponges for dishwashing that were not disposable. Now if you had already mentioned it to him, then he's just being an ass about it.

WarKitty · 10-11-2012, 04:02 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Chen

Hmm yeah that could be an issue. Really throwing out other people's things is the main problem here I'd say. Of course it might not necessarily be intentional. If he wasn't aware they were expensive sponges maybe he figured they were disposable. I mean personally I've not used sponges for dishwashing that were not disposable. Now if you had already mentioned it to him, then he's just being an ass about it.

That's usually the issue - he's used to having everything around be disposable, so he throws them out because he's never heard of someone doing otherwise. And it's complicated by the fact that I make the equivalent of about $6 per hour. Money is not something freely available around here.

Chen · 10-12-2012, 08:51 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by WarKitty

That's usually the issue - he's used to having everything around be disposable, so he throws them out because he's never heard of someone doing otherwise. And it's complicated by the fact that I make the equivalent of about $6 per hour. Money is not something freely available around here.

Maybe just suggest he buy whatever disposable things he wants then. And that he can throw them out to his hearts content. And then tell him not to throw your stuff out since you can't afford to keep buying disposable things.

WarKitty · 10-12-2012, 08:58 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Chen

Maybe just suggest he buy whatever disposable things he wants then. And that he can throw them out to his hearts content. And then tell him not to throw your stuff out since you can't afford to keep buying disposable things.

We've been trying to avoid having different stuff for everyone in the house when it comes to things like cleaning supplies, because of space/expense.

It's not really a big deal, just one of those little annoyances, you know? Sorta like the time he said he'd replace the maple syrup that had run out and comes back with a bottle of "syrup with maple flavoring."

Coidzor · 10-12-2012, 03:32 PM

If he wants to be a spendthrift then he should be doing it on his own dime, not being subsidized by everyone else in the household. Or does everyone else not notice or care that he's throwing out sponges that could be rinsed off in like 5 seconds and then be ready to go again?

WarKitty · 10-12-2012, 04:14 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Coidzor

If he wants to be a spendthrift then he should be doing it on his own dime, not being subsidized by everyone else in the household. Or does everyone else not notice or care that he's throwing out sponges that could be rinsed off in like 5 seconds and then be ready to go again?

To be fair, those were soaked in stove grease, not just dirty. I don't think there's any malice on anyone's part, just three different ideas of how a house runs being combined. Like my other roommate never used a dish drain, so she keeps putting dirty dishes into it.

scurv · 10-12-2012, 05:53 PM

Ever have one of those moments when you realized that even though you are filing for disability due to emotional issues, That you are the most centered and balanced person in the room? I had one today And I think I will take the E kitty now please!

Jeff the Green · 10-12-2012, 10:20 PM

So, I promised an update to this and this. I emailed the woman from the YWCA and heard back. Unfortunately, I may have misread her a bit; the YWCA doesn't have the budget to hire anyone for social justice work right now. She would like me to volunteer there, though. I'm not entirely sure how I'm going to respond. On the one hand, it's something I think I'd enjoy, and more volunteer experience doesn't exactly hurt my résumé. On the other, I am still looking for paid work and I don't know that I could handle a job, even a part time one, and two volunteer positions.

Psychologically, I'm doing better. My meds are working again, and I got in to see my therapist. We decided it would be a good idea to pay attention to the thought patterns that appear before the thoughts that drive me to depression. So I'm starting a mood journal, but it hasn't been terribly revealing since I haven't had a crash or near crash.

I haven't yet sent a message to my advisor, though I'm composing it. It's hard, trying to explain what happened with my health and life circumstances without making excuses. I also have to strike the balance between being apologetic and not making him more hesitant about supporting my research etc. than he already will be. Slow going, but going.

I've also been writing more, like you suggested, Monkey. Since I never finished the creative writing class I took in college (should have failed, prof was merciful and gave me a D-), I'm working on a couple works of fiction. The first is a bit of biological sci-fi, though that's slow going. The second is arising from a PBP character background that I wasn't intending to be more than maybe 1000 words but is already nearly three times that, and I've only finished the prologue and part of chapter 1! I'm also working on a couple non-fiction pieces, revising one I wrote for a class my senior year about being a science student with a disability, and another on wolf reintroduction/culling. They're both a little political, so even once they're done I won't link them, but I hope I'll be able to publish them somewhere. If anyone has suggestions, I'd love it if you'd PM me.

Anyway, thanks all for the good wishes and advice.

WarKitty · 10-12-2012, 10:47 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by scurv

Ever have one of those moments when you realized that even though you are filing for disability due to emotional issues, That you are the most centered and balanced person in the room? I had one today And I think I will take the E kitty now please!

I definitely understand. e-kittens are still a bit young to be away from their mother, gotta wait a little bit (aka they're still being drawn).

WarKitty · 10-13-2012, 11:22 AM

Speaking of murdering roommates...we're supposed to be making a joint effort to get things clean, but every time we make an appointment to do so one of them isn't there! Usually the girl.

Coidzor · 10-13-2012, 11:48 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by WarKitty

Speaking of murdering roommates...we're supposed to be making a joint effort to get things clean, but every time we make an appointment to do so one of them isn't there! Usually the girl.

This is the same one who either doesn't understand English or is feigning such for her benefit, yes?

Have you tried discussing this with your other roommates and enlisting them in figuring out just what you all want to communicate to her about this?

WarKitty · 10-13-2012, 12:31 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Coidzor

This is the same one who either doesn't understand English or is feigning such for her benefit, yes?

Have you tried discussing this with your other roommates and enlisting them in figuring out just what you all want to communicate to her about this?

Yeah....so it turns out each of me and my other roommate thought the other person had told her.

Coidzor · 10-13-2012, 12:46 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by WarKitty

Yeah....so it turns out each of me and my other roommate thought the other person had told her.

Ahh, well that's cleared up then.

I'm sorry, I hate when that happens around here. Even more when I clearly remember telling someone something, but they're convinced that I must have dreamt it, but there you go.

Coidzor · 10-16-2012, 01:46 PM

Just when I think I can resume my life, the bureaucracy kicks me in the gut again. I am filled with the most powerful loathing and rage I have ever felt and am quite lucky that I am alone right now because I don't know whether I'd attack someone or cry pathetically at them in this state.

I am vain. And broken. And lost.

And sad.

sktarq · 10-16-2012, 01:51 PM

I'd offer you a cup of tea and and ask what's wrong but due to physics it would just make my computer wet etc. So have a e-tea an e-puppy for momentary help. We're here if you want to talk--or not if you don't

scurv · 10-16-2012, 01:58 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Coidzor

Just when I think I can resume my life, the bureaucracy kicks me in the gut again. I am filled with the most powerful loathing and rage I have ever felt and am quite lucky that I am alone right now because I don't know whether I'd attack someone or cry pathetically at them in this state.

I am vain. And broken. And lost.

And sad.

I will not say I understand, But sometimes I can relate. Breath on it a friend. Take some time to learn who you are again and breath on it.

Pyromancer999 · 10-16-2012, 08:12 PM

Why are most of the geeks I meet online nice, while most of the real ones I've met in real life are really mean? It's just puzzling me and getting me down.

Coidzor · 10-16-2012, 08:57 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Pyromancer999

Why are most of the geeks I meet online nice, while most of the real ones I've met in real life are really mean? It's just puzzling me and getting me down.

Well, I know part of it is that I'm able to get away from my natural first gut reaction to snark and try to get into verbal sparring matches to a certain extent by taking the meat a bit out of the equation. Doesn't always work, but it's a bit of emotional distance.

Plus I'm a horrible reprehensible human being in general, but if I like you then I'll want to be nice to you unless I feel you need some tough love and exhortation. And most of GITP is semi-vetted by that due to the community... not candor... eh ...je ne sais quoi.

I've kind of run into a similar issue where just knowing people who are geeky, they're OK, and the geeks I run into in places I want to be online, they're pretty cool, generally, but the social organizations and groups based upon a common interest are sort of... wonky and very hit or miss.

Though I'll admit that I've never actually managed to go to a con through one thing or another. x.x

Mindfreak · 10-17-2012, 08:53 PM

So...hi. I'm Mindfreak.
I...didn't know where to put this but I needed to get this off of my chest.

Spoiler

Did I do the right thing?
Cause I feel pretty messed up right now.

Sholos · 10-17-2012, 11:27 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Mindfreak

Did I do the right thing?
Cause I feel pretty messed up right now.

Hi, I can sympathize. I was at a McDonald's for a while, too. Got along mostly with my coworkers, but the managers were terrible. I couldn't quit simply because I had to have the money and couldn't find another job.

You said you quit to take another job. That means you already had one lined up, right? I'm assuming McD's paid you minimum wage, so there's no drop there (not per hour anyway) so if that is indeed the situation, it sounds like you did the same thing.

If you quit without another job lined up, then I'd say it depends on the context. Mainly, how badly did you need that paycheck?

WarKitty · 10-18-2012, 12:22 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Mindfreak

So...hi. I'm Mindfreak.
I...didn't know where to put this but I needed to get this off of my chest.

Spoiler

Did I do the right thing?
Cause I feel pretty messed up right now.

Well, if it were me, I'd have told her in front of the managers that she shouldn't tell lies about her co-workers.

Crow · 10-18-2012, 02:39 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by WarKitty

Well, if it were me, I'd have told her in front of the managers that she shouldn't tell lies about her co-workers.

Agreed! What possible motivation did she have to do that? Though with how things seem to go at places like that, I wonder if the managers would even care. Some places are just horrible workplaces. It's no wonder the only employees they end up managing to keep are some of the worst of the worst.

dehro · 10-18-2012, 02:48 AM

mc Donalds is the kind of place where managers worth their salt know and expect that their employees will bounce as soon as they find better employement elsewhere.
I wouldn't be surprised if that was actually an expectation their recruiters consider a positive trait..because it means you are ambitious and want to do better..which will make you be a good employee for as long as you stay with them. Mcdonalds and such have a high rotation of eployees..so.. I doubt your managers will think any worse of you than of anybody else.
that said, I would have stopped in front of colleague and managers and asked her flat out what her reasons were for lying.

Mindfreak · 10-18-2012, 05:54 AM

Considering the fact that I don't enjoy confrentation...I just got out of there soon as possible.
And when I said it to the girl the managers were around. So they most likely heard it. And the girl has been written up once already...so they may be more inclined to listen to me.
On the topic of my next job, I'm going for one at Sears. They're in severe need of some employees, not to mention I have friends there. It'll just be a nicer place to work...

But honestly, I don't know how I'm gonna feel about going in for my shifts on Friday and Sunday...