Results 451 to 480 of 1500
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2013-07-19, 09:07 PM (ISO 8601)
- Join Date
- Oct 2008
- Location
- Xin-Shalast
- Gender
Re: Relationship Woes and Advice 24: In which the heroine gets the hero, or vis versa
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2013-07-19, 10:21 PM (ISO 8601)
- Join Date
- Oct 2008
- Gender
Re: Relationship Woes and Advice 24: In which the heroine gets the hero, or vis versa
Ooh ooh, I think I can help here! I'm good at asking the right questions to get people to figure out where they stand... course, I usually know the person better and am talking to them face to face, but...
Anyway! Where to start. Why don't we start with positive stuff, that's always a good place to start. Is this girl someone awesome who you'd like to date/have fun sexy times with, regardless of polyamory?
Avatar by Dogmantra
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2013-07-19, 11:48 PM (ISO 8601)
- Join Date
- Oct 2008
- Location
- Xin-Shalast
- Gender
Re: Relationship Woes and Advice 24: In which the heroine gets the hero, or vis versa
Well, if she looked like roadkill and wasn't passably interesting it'd be real easy to dismiss her interest. I like to think of myself as kind despite knowing better and even that's beyond me.
She's too new for me to want to date, per se, but from what I've seen I'm interested in getting to know her better as a friend at least. And she's not super my type, but she's attractive enough. Don't usually feel a super strong need/urge to tear the clothes off women all that often since I stopped being a teenager though. For good or ill.
Generally I don't really have to think about my boundaries because either people aren't interested in me in the slightest or they are and they never even push my boundaries. So I'm not really sure where and what they are anymore. I feel that if I were to proceed, even if it was just a friendship with occasional flirting, that I should probably ascertain what these boundaries of mine actually are. I definitely don't want to be part of cheating, sure, but that's where poly sort of mucks things up and I have no basis to go on, innit?
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2013-07-19, 11:55 PM (ISO 8601)
- Join Date
- Oct 2008
- Gender
Re: Relationship Woes and Advice 24: In which the heroine gets the hero, or vis versa
That would be the next step, yeah, figuring out your feelings on polyamory. Do you have any sort of gut reaction for or against? Perhaps a feeling that you shouldn't approve of polyamory? Or maybe a desire for it because of the possibility of extra nookie?
I'm getting the impression that it's neither, and you simply never considered the possibility of ending up in any sort of polyamorous relationship (you kinda said that earlier, but I like to be sure). If that's the case, my next question would be: How much do you know about polyamory? What is your understanding of the relationship?
Avatar by Dogmantra
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2013-07-20, 04:28 AM (ISO 8601)
- Join Date
- May 2007
- Gender
Re: Relationship Woes and Advice 24: In which the heroine gets the hero, or vis versa
that was indeed the interpretation I meant.. one not to be taken too seriously, of course
on a more serious note..
@Coidzor.. you might just want to play it safe and make sure that it is indeed a poli and above board situation, you're getting yourself into. it's not written anywhere that people in a poly situation/household may end up cheating on their partner/s or feel cheated by one going behind their back. in other words, if you are getting anywhere near sexual or sentimental implications and situations, you might actually want to clear things up with the other members of that equation, not just with the one who's trying to get into your briefs.
things might not be as clear cut for them as they make it look.
a friend of mine worked for some time at the bar of an adult club run by 2 couples. occasionally, adult stuff would happen.. this went well until the day one of the owners started chasing her without informing or involving his wife, who got a major beef with the situation, which led to my friend walking out on the situation, the job and everything else. the fact that those were "open couples" didn't diminish the hurt felt by the wife or the awkwardness and underhandness caused by the husband.
so.. yeah..double check with her relevant other/s
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2013-07-22, 06:27 PM (ISO 8601)
- Join Date
- Nov 2008
- Gender
Re: Relationship Woes and Advice 24: In which the heroine gets the hero, or vis versa
Can I pm someone with a question or two?
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2013-07-22, 09:32 PM (ISO 8601)
- Join Date
- Apr 2008
- Location
- Seattle, WA
- Gender
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2013-07-22, 11:46 PM (ISO 8601)
- Join Date
- Jun 2006
- Location
- Dinosaur Museum aw yisss.
- Gender
Re: Relationship Woes and Advice 24: In which the heroine gets the hero, or vis versa
Hurr hurr hu-
Sorry v.vThe Iron Avatarist Hall of Fame!
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2013-07-22, 11:56 PM (ISO 8601)
- Join Date
- Mar 2006
- Location
- Charlottesville
- Gender
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2013-07-23, 02:56 PM (ISO 8601)
- Join Date
- Jun 2012
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2013-07-23, 03:29 PM (ISO 8601)
- Join Date
- Apr 2008
- Location
- Seattle, WA
- Gender
Re: Relationship Woes and Advice 24: In which the heroine gets the hero, or vis versa
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2013-07-23, 03:35 PM (ISO 8601)
- Join Date
- May 2007
- Gender
Re: Relationship Woes and Advice 24: In which the heroine gets the hero, or vis versa
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2013-07-23, 03:40 PM (ISO 8601)
- Join Date
- Jan 2012
Re: Relationship Woes and Advice 24: In which the heroine gets the hero, or vis versa
I don't quite get it...
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2013-07-23, 04:42 PM (ISO 8601)
- Join Date
- Apr 2008
- Location
- Seattle, WA
- Gender
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2013-07-23, 07:03 PM (ISO 8601)
- Join Date
- May 2007
- Gender
Re: Relationship Woes and Advice 24: In which the heroine gets the hero, or vis versa
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2013-07-29, 10:15 PM (ISO 8601)
- Join Date
- Jun 2012
Re: Relationship Woes and Advice 24: In which the heroine gets the hero, or vis versa
Continuation & Conclusion:
SpoilerI've tried to stay in contact with her, making plans to hang out with her and her boyfriend, calling her, being cool with her new boyfriend and she finally just spit it out and told me to leave them alone. She just flat out told me to gtfo of her life.
Off to go brew myself some tea and watch some classic movies. Any recommendations?Larloch, The Shadow King (w/ Ioun Stones) avatar by Iron Penguin
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2013-07-31, 02:40 AM (ISO 8601)
- Join Date
- Jul 2013
- Location
- Dixie
- Gender
Re: Relationship Woes and Advice 24: In which the heroine gets the hero, or vis versa
Lord of the Rings. Sheer epic will get your mind off it for a while.
Also, to offer a little general advice of my own before I launch into my own crap:
SpoilerI've had issues asking girls out. I freeze. I chicken out. Others have expressed similar problems. I've only started working on this problem myself. Some others have also had some good advice, but I've got two things to add.
1) It might help to get to a place where it's now-or-never, so to speak: you either ask her out now, or not at all. Like when you're about to part ways, at least for the day. Then say something to commit yourself, and do it quickly enough you don't have time to think about it. At that point, your options are to carry through or jump out of the nearest window. It's easier said than done. Trust me, I know. But it might help.
2) It really is better to get it over. There was one girl I was interested in, we'd chatted for a while over email. Then, before I could even ask her out, she straight up told me she wasn't interested. It hurt, but in retrospect was much better than when I dragged it out because I was afraid she'd say no.
Now, aforementioned personal crap:
SpoilerI'm about to go back for my second year of college. About midway through freshman year, I met this girl. I wasn't interested in her romantically at first, but it kind of grew out of our friendship, on my end at least. I was doing homework one evening with some friends (her included), and she and I basically talked to one another most of the time we both should have been working. That's happened a couple of times. I hoped to ask her out, and finally did, but it was a couple of weeks before school ended. She said no, that she didn't have time to go out. Someone else posted a similar situation, and others said it was probably an excuse, but a) she genuinely seemed interested (that later on "I might take you up on that offer"), and b) she was busy. She's double-majoring and pushes herself really hard when it comes to her classes. Which is one of the reasons I'm interested. Besides being smart, beautiful, and actually into Lord of the Rings, she's one of, if not the, most driven women I know.
I hope to give it another shot beginning of next year, but we haven't really communicated much over the summer, and I don't want to seem off-putting.
To make things even more interesting, two of my close friends (both of whom are female, both of whom I've known since early in the year) dislike this person. One of them used to be friends with her, but... something happened. Still don't know what that was.I'm playing Ironsworn, an RPG that you can run solo - and I'm putting the campaign up on GitP!
Most recent update: Chapter 6: Devastation
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A worldbuilding project, still work in progress: Reign of the Corven
Most recent update: another look at magic traditions!
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2013-07-31, 08:05 AM (ISO 8601)
- Join Date
- Mar 2010
Re: Relationship Woes and Advice 24: In which the heroine gets the hero, or vis versa
Uh isn't that almost exactly the same situation as was posted by someone on a previous page? As in:
- Asked someone out
- Got rejected but via an excuse of "too busy"
- School year ended
- No contact with person over summer
- Want to ask out again once school starts
It seems strange that you say the person mentioned being interested, but then no real communication happened for the summer at all? That is not a good sign of interest frankly.
I'd consider asking your friends why they dislike the person as well. Not that their opinions necessarily matters with respect to a relationship, but depending on their reasons, it could put this person in a new light to you.
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2013-07-31, 01:23 PM (ISO 8601)
- Join Date
- Apr 2008
- Location
- Seattle, WA
- Gender
Re: Relationship Woes and Advice 24: In which the heroine gets the hero, or vis versa
I'd agree, but if she actually added "I might take you up on that offer later," as rs2 mentioned, I'd be thinking that might have been a request to ask her again later (whether she was intending end of finals or next year is a different question). Not sure exactly where that leaves things, however, since there seem to be different pieces arguing different things.
I'd consider asking your friends why they dislike the person as well. Not that their opinions necessarily matters with respect to a relationship, but depending on their reasons, it could put this person in a new light to you.
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2013-07-31, 01:42 PM (ISO 8601)
- Join Date
- Apr 2012
Re: Relationship Woes and Advice 24: In which the heroine gets the hero, or vis versa
mistake post, on a late subject
Last edited by zorenathres; 2013-07-31 at 01:44 PM. Reason: late post
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2013-07-31, 02:11 PM (ISO 8601)
- Join Date
- Jul 2013
- Location
- Dixie
- Gender
Re: Relationship Woes and Advice 24: In which the heroine gets the hero, or vis versa
I'm playing Ironsworn, an RPG that you can run solo - and I'm putting the campaign up on GitP!
Most recent update: Chapter 6: Devastation
-----
A worldbuilding project, still work in progress: Reign of the Corven
Most recent update: another look at magic traditions!
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2013-07-31, 04:36 PM (ISO 8601)
- Join Date
- Apr 2008
- Location
- Seattle, WA
- Gender
Re: Relationship Woes and Advice 24: In which the heroine gets the hero, or vis versa
Well, with the one you know, that could be relevant, but I'd just say it's likely a matter of not everyone gets along. The other, I would try to get more info from. Hopefully it's nothing drastic, but if it is, it's good to know now. Especially since they used to be friends... that could either be a significant problem, or just a "we grew apart" type of thing. I have plenty in the latter category (which I'd say isn't an issue), and know a few in the former (second-hand, fortunately), which could be an issue, depending on what it was.
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2013-08-01, 11:14 PM (ISO 8601)
- Join Date
- Aug 2011
- Location
- Cornfield
- Gender
Re: Relationship Woes and Advice 24: In which the heroine gets the hero, or vis versa
Not to interrupt the problem at hand, but I need to vent. Right now I have a great girlfriend and she is awesome. Yes, great way to start off my problem I know. The thing is, I have this crazy clingy ex who I dated for six months. It was her first "serious" relationship, and I understand it would be hard for her to get over it, and it was for me too but she was flirting with other guys so ya know. Already given her chances yada-yada. Ended it. Six months later she still tries to call me text me or whatever and has not left me alone, and she even knows I have a girlfriend and has tried to get in contact with her. And even worse she might be going to my school next year. Do you guys know any way to get a clingy ex out of your life. And by the way my school is really small oh joy.
Currently Playing
-Bernard
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2013-08-02, 03:54 AM (ISO 8601)
- Join Date
- Jun 2006
- Location
- Dinosaur Museum aw yisss.
- Gender
Re: Relationship Woes and Advice 24: In which the heroine gets the hero, or vis versa
First step: talk to her, calmly and kindly but unambiguously. "(Ex), this is unacceptable behaviour. Our relationship is over. I am not willing to maintain a friendship with you, and this is not good for you, either - you need to move on and find someone else who is better for you. I wish you well and good luck, but I will no longer answer any of your messages, and do not try to contact (girlfriend)."
Step 2: If she keeps going after that, she needs help. Tell her so. "(Ex), this is not healthy. You need help, and I cannot give it to you. Here is the contact information for some mental health and support services, I urge you to use them. I will not be responding to you any more. Good luck."
Step 3: Cut her off. Block her numbers and emails, do not respond, etc.
If she still keeps harassing you, you might have to start looking at legal recourse and the like... That's unlikely, though; sometimes people just take a long time to get over things, and/or don't realize how their behaviour comes across.The Iron Avatarist Hall of Fame!
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2013-08-02, 08:57 AM (ISO 8601)
- Join Date
- Aug 2011
- Location
- Cornfield
- Gender
Re: Relationship Woes and Advice 24: In which the heroine gets the hero, or vis versa
I have already tried to help her through it and be nicr and saying she moved on, and after she just wouldn't stop I ignored her than she started talkig to my girlfriend apparently. It would be easy for us to ignore her but she might be goin to my school next year, and it is a small school were you know everyone so thay should be barrels of fun xD.
Currently Playing
-Bernard
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2013-08-02, 11:47 AM (ISO 8601)
- Join Date
- Mar 2010
Re: Relationship Woes and Advice 24: In which the heroine gets the hero, or vis versa
I suppose you could outright tell her you never want to have any contact with her again. Have your girlfriend tell her the same thing. That'll probably make her take the hint, though it may be a tad harsh. Still if you've already tried the nice approach and ignoring her doesn't work, the no holds barred approach does usually work.
If that still somehow doesn't work, I don't see what else you can do besides ignore her though. Unless she's legally stalking you I don't think there's anything the law can do about it (I suppose maybe harassment too, but I'm not a lawyer).
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2013-08-02, 12:08 PM (ISO 8601)
- Join Date
- May 2007
- Gender
Re: Relationship Woes and Advice 24: In which the heroine gets the hero, or vis versa
am I the only one who is reminded of the overly attached girlfriend meme, in this case?
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2013-08-02, 01:28 PM (ISO 8601)
- Join Date
- Apr 2008
- Location
- Seattle, WA
- Gender
Re: Relationship Woes and Advice 24: In which the heroine gets the hero, or vis versa
Have you told her that it's a problem? Or did you just go from trying to help her to ignoring her? Talking to her (see Serp's suggestions) may help - as has been pointed out, she may not see that there's a problem with her behavior. If you have talked to her and she still went around you to talk to the new GF, you may need to have her also give your ex a similar talk. Having a total break, even for only a month or 2 before school starts back up, may be all that's needed for her to get beyond this stage.
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2013-08-02, 01:39 PM (ISO 8601)
- Join Date
- Jan 2005
- Gender
Re: Relationship Woes and Advice 24: In which the heroine gets the hero, or vis versa
Princess in the streets.
Princess in the sheets.
Don't touch me I'm royalty.
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2013-08-02, 04:25 PM (ISO 8601)
- Join Date
- Aug 2011
- Location
- Cornfield
- Gender
Re: Relationship Woes and Advice 24: In which the heroine gets the hero, or vis versa
Oh no, she knows it is a problem.
Currently Playing
-Bernard