I liked the dialogue, but I can't figure out what is going on in the last few panels and the baby talk bugged me and the jokes were flat. Man, it seems like both armies are led by less-than-competent-strategy-wise males with likable female henchpeople who are the real reason for most success. That prince guy bugs me. Constantly coming on to her and so cocky.... grrrrr, I really hope she doesn't end up falling for him.
In short, this strip evoked an emotional response from me. Well done, but it is still a 6/10.
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Remember that this is not a joke comic, although it does have some humour in it. Don't read it expecting to laugh or you will be dissapointed. The point is the story.
The last three panels were kind wierd, but I guess that that girl there(or it is a guy?) will be Wandas "perfect warlord"...
He/she is also looking suspiciously simmiliar to Jillian ]
Hm, can't see much in it, sorry. No real advance of story. I was somewhat surprised of panel 7, the discussion in the first six panels didn't seem so heated to me, but whatever. I really do not like the font (said it before) and I'm not getting used to it.
Could anyone make sense of the "free-deep" sound in the last panels? (He has some strange onomatopoeia here... like the "fer-durrrrp" in comic 7.)
Remember that this is not a joke comic, although it does have some humour in it. Don't read it expecting to laugh or you will be dissapointed. The point is the story.
Um, When a comic makes jokes, the point is to make you laugh. I read the jokes in this comic(ok, maybe there was only one) and found it unimpressive. I refuse to read a comic on the writer's terms. If the comic has this surreal, not-taking-itself-too-seriously feel, I expect jokes.
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pic of this destined pairing by That Lanky Bugger
Avatar by Dispozition
Proud dictator of the miko fan club
If you wanna be cool and join the Miko Fan Club,
just put Miko in your sig and make up a position!
Ambitious lieutenant of the Miko Mafia nuclear physicist of the Hinjo fan club
The last three panels were kind wierd, but I guess that that girl there(or it is a guy?) will be Wandas "perfect warlord"...
He/she is also looking suspiciously simmiliar to Jillian ]
Looks good so far.
Interesting hypothesis. I liked it up until the last four panels. They felt really out of place, and didn't so much leave me in suspense as just wondering what the heck was going on.
Um, When a comic makes jokes, the point is to make you laugh. I read the jokes in this comic(ok, maybe there was only one) and found it unimpressive. I refuse to read a comic on the writer's terms. If the comic has this surreal, not-taking-itself-too-seriously feel, I expect jokes.
You kind of have to take anything as what it is, though. If you find that the surreal / absurd elements of the comic stop you taking the story seriously that's fair enough - although personally I can get on fine with it and I liked the plot and character development in this installment - but saying that you've decided it should have jokes and therefore it's rubbish if it doesn't seems slightly egotistical.
I'm not sure that there was even one actual real gag in this installment. But part of the reason I'm liking the comic so far is that the humour is a bit more subtle than a series of punchlines - there's an undercurrent of absurdist details in the setting that I'm finding really enjoyable.
Okay... last four panels explained and some constructive critisism (pretend I know how to spell... don't have time to look it up )
Basically (and I had to read them twice to get this, so you might want to look and see what you did wrong ) the sound looks to me like a frog... it's night.. frog is croaking... or a cricket is chirping...
Although looking at it again it could also be the sound of her feet (but that's a pretty bizzare sound for feet to make)
Basically it's night... she was out in the field... she almost goes to the tent, then she comes to her senses and turns around.
I think the problem most of us are having is that we don't have enough information to make sense of what you're telling us... it's just a bunch of "technobabble" (cept fantasy babble instead?) which can be kinda fun to piece together, but it kinda makes things pretty confusing until you do as well... and the story isn't interesting enough yet to make people want to piece together something confusing. You need to lay more groundwork or something.
I don't write this stuff so I can't really give great advice here... I'm just trying to share what I think
The artwork is nice... it's got a cute feel to it and I can get into it... the camera angle you chose for the final three panels could have been better to illustrate that she was walking up to the tent and then walking away... (it's kind of hard to figure out that thing on the left of the panel is a tent)
Anyway, I'll give this comic a bit longer to see where it's going, but I'm kind of indifferent on it at the moment. Looking forward to seeing where you go from here!
It IS Jillian in the last panels. And the noise is from her steps in the grass. They stop when she stops in the third- and second-to-last panels. She's wearing different clothes, and almost accepted Prince Ansom's offer.
Looks like our little Jillian have a crush in Ansom, though she would not admit it even to herself.
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The last three panels were kind wierd, but I guess that that girl there(or it is a guy?) will be Wandas "perfect warlord"...
He/she is also looking suspiciously simmiliar to Jillian ]
It is Jillian isn't it? She's bivouacing in the open field near the tent (the bivouac and the tent are visible in sillhouette in the bottom left panel), and that just looks like her without her full armour on. Is she briefly considering taking Ansom up on his offer before deciding against it? I'm confused by the 'free-deep' noise, though.
Edit: oh, JosephD got there quicker and better than me.
@Hilbert - panel 7 seemed pretty sensible to me - it's not been that heated but Ansom's been trying to avoid sending Jillian out and is taking a minute to face up to the fact that they've got no real alternatives.
I agree that the "free-deep" noise is a very strange sound for footsteps. I assume it is supposed to represent her feet swishing through the grass.
Like others initially I thought it was a frog or cricket...
Considering that Jillian is in different clothes, and the "free-deep" is a strange sound... the last few panels seem to have confused many people.
Looking at it, I agree with various posts above:
- Jillian takes off her armour and considers going to Ansom's tent
- "Free-deep Free-deep" sound of her walking towards the tent
- The sound stops as Jillian stands there looking at his tent
- "Free-deep" sound of her walking away (notice she is getting smaller), she changed her mind.
You kind of have to take anything as what it is, though. If you find that the surreal / absurd elements of the comic stop you taking the story seriously that's fair enough - although personally I can get on fine with it and I liked the plot and character development in this installment - but saying that you've decided it should have jokes and therefore it's rubbish if it doesn't seems slightly egotistical.
I'm not sure that there was even one actual real gag in this installment. But part of the reason I'm liking the comic so far is that the humour is a bit more subtle than a series of punchlines - there's an undercurrent of absurdist details in the setting that I'm finding really enjoyable.
I never said the comic is rubbish because it lacks jokes-I said that it felt like there should be jokes, there weren't, and that lowered my overall opinion. The lack of funny was but one of my criticisms.
The tardy elves are late bit was a gag. There really is no other way to describe it.
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pic of this destined pairing by That Lanky Bugger
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Proud dictator of the miko fan club
If you wanna be cool and join the Miko Fan Club,
just put Miko in your sig and make up a position!
Ambitious lieutenant of the Miko Mafia nuclear physicist of the Hinjo fan club
Of course we must remember, the "jokes" involved with this strip are supposed to take full arcs to develop. We're on block 8, everyone needs to sit back for a few weeks and watch this thing develop. Besides, turning nuts into pidgeons is pretty amusing, considering this "tool of the Titans" is shaped like my baby cousin's whistle hammer.
Lofty Elves sound like the high elves while the shady are the dark elves by the look of it. Those Tardy elves though, never showed up for race identification week, so I have no idea about them...
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Man, it seems like both armies are led by less-than-competent-strategy-wise males with likable female henchpeople who are the real reason for most success.
I don't know about that. I'm not seeing Ansom as incompetent. He is winning, and it looks like he's got a fairly viable strategy, with just a few weak spots. He's certainly arrogant and thinks highly of himself, but I don't see him (yet) as being incompetent.
I'd like to see the full-sized version of the artwork for the last few panels--it's hard to tell at that size, but Jillian looks very human and vulnerable there, a stark contrast to the blunt and fearless professional soldier who had just been discussing strategy with Ansom. Hopefully, we'll be seeing more of those layers later.
I thought it was a cricket or grasshopper. They tend to sound like that (if you can imagine it in a shrill pitch) and they ALWAYS stop chirping whenever you get too close. Then you walk away and they start chirping happily again.
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Lofty Elves sound like the high elves while the shady are the dark elves by the look of it. Those Tardy elves though, never showed up for race identification week, so I have no idea about them...
For some reason I was thinking there was actually such a thing as a 'slow elf' that the Tardy Elves might be based on, but a Google search didn't turn anything conclusive up, and now that I think about it, I played a lot of Dungeon Crawl not too long ago, so it was probably a Sludge Elf I was thinking of.
Also, I really, really hope Jillian doesn't wind up falling for Ansom. I'm preparing myself to hate him as it is.
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I thought it was a cricket or grasshopper. They tend to sound like that (if you can imagine it in a shrill pitch) and they ALWAYS stop chirping whenever you get too close. Then you walk away and they start chirping happily again.
And yeah, that was my take on it too.
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Also, I really, really hope Jillian doesn't wind up falling for Ansom. I'm preparing myself to hate him as it is.
Why? He seems to be a good guy and he care for her safety. Is plans are good too and he seems fairly intelligent (way too obvious but intelligent). Of course he is arrogant but I dont think there is many prince who dont become arrogant after a while.
Anyway, the comic is good and I cant wait to see the ''perfect Warlord''. I wonder if Jillian is gonna see him when she scout.
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I'm quite enjoying Erfworld so far, and I liked this strip a lot. I'm feeling a lot of empathy for both Ansom and Jillian - each of them is easy to like, but in their own way. They both seem to have different kinds of confidence too: Ansom's is through and through, and Jillian's is on the inside in battle and only on the outside in everything else. I really felt for her when it became apparent that, as her write-up says, one of her weaknesses is knowing what she wants.
Also, although there are similarities, I don't find the situation with Stanley and Wanda to be precisely analogous. Both women may have been making objections to parts of their commanders' plans... ...but at least Ansom has a tactical brain in his head, and Jillian isn't as cool and collected as Wanda.
Looking forward to seeing where this is going... and to figuring out the cute-speak and the terminology in general.
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) the sound looks to me like a frog... it's night.. frog is croaking... or a cricket is chirping... 
