The. Worst. Joke. EVER. You have been warned.

[ReturnOfTheKing]

I am ashamed to say I came up with this myself.

OK, Frosty the Snowman is being hunted by Arnold Schwarzenegger, who is playing the Terminator and Dr. Freeze at the same time.

While Frosty runs for his life, Arnold draws upon a freeze gun and fires, striking Frosty in the back. As Frosty slowly turns, he finds himself hardening as his snow is turned to ice.

Grinning, Arnold produces a pistol and prepares to shatter Frosty into a million pieces. He then utters this phrase:

"Frosta la vista, baby."


…excuse me while I go hide under a chair.

[Tvtyrant]

I am ashamed to say I came up with this myself.

OK, Frosty the Snowman is being hunted by Arnold Schwarzenegger, who is playing the Terminator and Dr. Freeze at the same time.

While Frosty runs for his life, Arnold draws upon a freeze gun and fires, striking Frosty in the back. As Frosty slowly turns, he finds himself hardening as his snow is turned to ice.

Grinning, Arnold produces a pistol and prepares to shatter Frosty into a million pieces. He then utters this phrase:

"Frosta la vista, baby."


…excuse me while I go hide under a chair.

I love you.

[The Glyphstone]

Eh. I told this to a friend of mine, who works in a butcher shop making sausages. After I'd finished, he thought for a minute then said "Eh, I've heard wurst."

[the_druid_droid]

Best thread. Calling it now.

[enderlord99]

*waits for half-remembered story about a talking snake and a "end-the-human-race machine"*

[SowZ]

Here's one of mine I wrote about twelve years ago:


A lumberjack goes into the woods and finds a perfect tree. He raises his axe, then hears a voice.

"Wait, stop."

The lumberjack is puzzled, but readies himself for another swing.

"Please, don't," says the voice.

The woodcutter recognizes this to be the tree itself and is fascinated. He wonders how smart a talking tree is and, being a fan of riddles, asks it a fairly easy one. Quick as a wip, the tree gets it.

"Not too shabby," he says, "but here's a really challenging one."

Without even pausing to think, the tree answers correctly. Impressed, the lumberjack decides to ask it his legendary riddle. One of his own creation that no-one, not even the smartest folks he knows, has been able to guess. Just like the others, the tree solves it without skipping a beat.

Enraged, the woodcutter raises his axe. "Wait, what are you doing?" the tree pleads.

The lumberjack responds,

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"I want to stump you."

[golentan]

The Aristocrats.

[Roland St. Jude]

Not one of these again. Last time we had one of these threads, I posted ten different puns hoping at least one would win the thread. But no pun in ten did.

[Tvtyrant]

I think this is mandatory.

[enderlord99]

I think this is mandatory.

I half-remembered that.

[golentan]

I think this is mandatory.

It is probably the worst joke I've ever read, which is why it's frustrating that people mention it as a great one in other threads.

[Tvtyrant]

It is probably the worst joke I've ever read, which is why it's frustrating that people mention it as a great one in other threads.

I rather enjoyed it when I first read it. I forgot it was a joke half-way through so when it came to the end I had a slow blink moment as my brain scrambled for purchase.

[SiuiS]

*waits for half-remembered story about a talking snake and a "end-the-human-race machine"*

Better Nate than lever.

It is probably the worst joke I've ever read, which is why it's frustrating that people mention it as a great one in other threads.

It's not a bad joke. As you've said, it's the weird "this is a personality test" thing that's stupid and makes no sense. The joke is neat though, just wish there were more world building.

[Solse]

This'll probably come in handy a *lot* in this thread.

*waits for half-remembered story about a talking snake and a "end-the-human-race machine"*

I still remember that one's punchline.

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BETTER NATE THAN LEVER!

Even though it was very anticlimactic, it was a very good read with a good plot in my opinion.

[danzibr]

I like how a third of the posts are about th longest joke in the world :)

[Jaxzan Proditor]

So, great thread or best thread?

[Killer Angel]

We could also open the dam of "A guy walks into a bar... "

[Ravens_cry]

I rather enjoyed it when I first read it. I forgot it was a joke half-way through so when it came to the end I had a slow blink moment as my brain scrambled for purchase.

Yeah, as a story, it could use some work, though it was all right.
It certainly made you care about the characters.
Not much of a joke, but I read it. I have a strange feeling I read it before.

[Duck999]

We could also open the dam of "A guy walks into a bar... "

"Ouch"

There are at least a few good walk into a bar jokes.

Not one of these again. Last time we had one of these threads, I posted ten different puns hoping at least one would win the thread. But no pun in ten did.

I would say you win the thread for that one, but the pun in the sentence is at the end. Normally you say no pun intended after saying the pun, not at the same time.

[Solse]

We could also open the dam of "A guy walks into a bar... "

Ooh! Ooh! Pick me!

A guy walks into a bar! He dies from the concussive impact.

[The Glyphstone]

We could also open the dam of "A guy walks into a bar... "

A guy walks into a BAR. He dies in a hail of machine-gun fire.

[Ravens_cry]

A man walks into a bar.
The hobbit walks under it.

[Maralais]

*waits for half-remembered story about a talking snake and a "end-the-human-race machine"*

Hey, I remember that one!

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Better Nate than Lever.

Holy hell I should have read the others' comments before I wrote the same thing 1000th time.

[Nerd-o-rama]

A fish runs into a wall.

"Dam", he says.

[Benthesquid]

How many psychologists does it take to change a light bulb?

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Only one, but the lightbulb has to want to change.

How many surrealists does it take to change a light bulb?

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Two- one to hold the giraffe, the other to fill the bathtub with brightly colored power tools.

Or, from Angel.

Two men walk into a bar. The first man orders a scotch and soda. The second man remembers something he'd forgotten, and it doubles him over with pain. He falls to the floor shaking and then through the floor into the earth. He looks back up at the first man, but he doesn't call out to him. They're not that close.

[Gnome Alone]

How many reference librarians does it take to change a lightbulb?

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Well, what kind of lightbulb is it?

[Razanir]

I've heard worse.

Once there was a man who wanted to build a house. But being a bit eccentric, he wanted to use exactly 99 bricks. Unfortunately, the hardware store only sold them in groups of 100. He argued back and forth with a salesperson, because the store would not sell less than the full 100 bricks. Eventually, the man gave in and bought 100 bricks. He then went outside and threw the spare brick into the sky.

[Gnome Alone]

I don't get that one... is there some wordplay on "spare brick" that I'm missing?

Ooh! I remembered one of my own terrible jokes:

Why did the chicken cross the road?

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Why do chickens do anything?

No one has ever laughed at that. Not even little kids.

[Traab]

A nun a priest and a rabbi walk into a bar, the bartender looks at them and goes, "What is this? A joke?"

[ReturnOfTheKing]

What have I done?