Things I May No Longer Do While Playing XI: I May Not Postpone Naming My Thread

[Rater202]

*I really need to stop trying to make soul eating characters the good guy.
**Tiamat and her fellows will probably notice that someone is slaughtering chromatic dragons, worshipers thereof, and evil dragonkin in vast numbers across multible material worlds long before I've consumed enough such souls to stand a chance of facing her in her own realm and quote "out dragon" her.

*As we apparently didn't learn our lesson last time, it is a horrible idea to leave Pokemon on the grounds of Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry.

[Guizonde]

*If my only tactical advice is "The Emperor protects." I may not plan the party's assault.
**I also may not imply that being shot is proof thar other party members are heretics.

*** "the emperor expects" is a bad thing to say to force the rest of the team to charge blindly into firefights.

[LordCdrMilitant]

*If my only tactical advice is "The Emperor protects." I may not plan the party's assault.
**I also may not imply that being shot is proof thar other party members are heretics.

https://regimental-standard.com/2016...eror-protects/

[JAL_1138]

*For the last time, D&D paladins are not the Twelve Peers of France.

[Guizonde]

*For the last time, D&D paladins are not the Twelve Peers of France.

**unfortunately for players and fortunately for dm's who hate pallies....

[Hellpyre]

*Micheal Bay is not considered a conservative old guard director by Orks.
*No Ork coming-of-age movie ends with the line "Don't you see, the dakka was in you all along." and a 45 minute gunfight.

[Lord Raziere]

*Micheal Bay is not considered a conservative old guard director by Orks.
*No Ork coming-of-age movie ends with the line "Don't you see, the dakka was in you all along." and a 45 minute gunfight.

* Orkish anime does not involve the phrase "Waaaaaagh in the me that waaaaaghs in you!"
* The Orks cannot "Dakka the Undakkable" "stomp the unstompabble" or "waaaagh the unwaaaghable."
* My Ork PC may not take inspiration from any of the following characters: Captain Jack Sparrow, Kamina, Any of the Oogakari clan, any character that can be referred to as a "mad scientist", Vegeta, Majin Buu, any character with the name of "Wayne", any character that can be described as a "bard", the Joker, Deadpool, or Bugs Bunny

[Guizonde]

* The Orks cannot "Dakka the Undakkable" "stomp the unstompabble" or "waaaagh the unwaaaghable."

sez you, ya grot! ya jus' watch 'ow it's dun by a propa ork!

* My Ork PC may not take inspiration from any of the following characters: Captain Jack Sparrow, Kamina, Any of the Oogakari clan, any character that can be referred to as a "mad scientist", Vegeta, Majin Buu, any character with the name of "Wayne", any character that can be described as a "bard", the Joker, Deadpool, or Bugs Bunny

sadly, that list includes too many of my regular sources of inspiration, although i'm only officially banned "the joker meets bugs bunny" as an official character description.

*there's no such things as "frontal assaults to the rear end of the enemy".
** even if bayonets, substantial fractions of light speed, or steel-toed boots are involved.
*** especially if bayonets, substantial fractions of light speed, or steel-toed boots are involved.
**** especially especially if it's totally deserved. that's called "comeuppance".

*not allowed to put a "no smoking" sign inside my hat because of a certain teammate's time-travelling junkie pet.
**a beret has a fixed amount of space within. keeping a hookah, a spare pair of shades, and a certain teammate's time-travelling junkie pet in there is bending the definition of hyperspace, let alone space.
*** a beret is not a credible second identity, unless the team says it is.
**** not allowed to go against the team vote. it's too funny for them.

*licking owl-bears? bad idea.
** no matter my bluff skills, i can't convince anyone that elves spit out hairballs on a regular basis.

*no matter if i'm right or not, there's no conning my way out of being called a heretic by my god in person to my face.
**my dm is too sober to handle advanced imaginary theological debates ever.
***making my god grant me acf's as "the chosen heretic, the necessary evil" is not a sign of divine agreement. it's a sign that the dm gives up.
****if the paladin ever hears that i've a god-given mandate to be his exact opposite, i will get eaten. with or without capers and eggs.

[Rater202]

My character cannot be dozens of trained squirrels operating a suit of powered armor.

[DigoDragon]

My character cannot be dozens of trained squirrels operating a suit of powered armor.

Guilty, your honor.


* I'm no longer allowed to build kobold-powered death traps.

[Personification]

My character cannot be dozens of trained squirrels operating a suit of powered armor.

**This still applies if the armor is only operated by 1-23 squirrels

[PhoenixPhyre]

* I may not talk an ancient, soul-eating dragon into self-destructing due to an existential crisis.
** And if I do, I can't feel sorry for him, even if he was only trying to do what he thought was right.

* No more California-beach bum demigods modeled after Kronk (from Emperor's New Groove).
** Fist-bumps with such demigods are usually hazardous to the mortal's health.

[PhoenixPhyre]

Spoiler: Dread Context

Show

Based on this video
https://youtu.be/FQC29joihwU

*No, nunchuck lightsabers aren't a real thing. Not even in a Star Wars game.

[Rater202]

Under no circumstances may I say, in character or out, the phrase "punch him in the groin, that's his weakness" in complete seriousness.

[Anonymouswizard]

* No, it doesn't matter if I am bitter, I cannot base a villain on my ex.

[John Campbell]

My character cannot be dozens of trained squirrels operating a suit of powered armor.

What about hamsters?

[Guizonde]

Under no circumstances may I say, in character or out, the phrase "punch him in the groin, that's his weakness" in complete seriousness.

even if it's true?

[Rater202]

What about hamsters?

Actually, I was inspired by this.

The squirrels later panicked and jumpedout the window. nobody noticed anything at all strange about it.

even if it's true?

It's always true and everyone knows it. There's no point in announcing it.

[Socratov]

* Orkish anime does not involve the phrase "Waaaaaagh in the me that waaaaaghs in you!"
* The Orks cannot "Dakka the Undakkable" "stomp the unstompabble" or "waaaagh the unwaaaghable."
* My Ork PC may not take inspiration from any of the following characters: Captain Jack Sparrow, Kamina, Any of the Oogakari clan, any character that can be referred to as a "mad scientist", Vegeta, Majin Buu, any character with the name of "Wayne", any character that can be described as a "bard", the Joker, Deadpool, or Bugs Bunny

I see you left out any references to the Jostar family.

sadly, that list includes too many of my regular sources of inspiration, although i'm only officially banned "the joker meets bugs bunny" as an official character description.
*snipperino*

Now that is just cruel. A combination of The Joker AND Bugs? I am about 99% sure it's been mentioned in the Geneva convention somewhere...

[Lord Raziere]

I see you left out any references to the Jostar family.

I've only watched the first two episodes of Jojo's, so I'm still working on that one. got to get around that anime someday.

* My ork cannot disguise himself a human noble on the deduction that humans clearly base power on whose frilliest and fanciest instead of biggest and strongest
** Cannot proceed to announce that "OI IZ A HUMMIEZ AN' I'M GONNA BE THE FRILLIEST AN' FANCIEST OF YOU LOT!"
*** Cannot successfully become king and become the trendsetter, thus making all the nobles speak like orks while the commoners shake their heads and speak normally thinking they're the fancy ones now
**** cannot successfully fool entire nobility into thinking I'm just a very big human with a strange skin color and a speech impediment while an Ork
***** Cannot disguise my Ork for anything, ever.

[Anonymouswizard]

* When I'm given the option to use point buy I should not immediately go for the '15 15 15 8 8 8' option.
** May certainly not stick the 15s in my mental stats and the 8s in my physicals, or vise-versa.

* If my half orc is wearing a tailored suit, has a 15 Intelligence, 15 Charisma, the wizard class, and the noble background, I am expected to speak words of more than one syllable.
** 'Grog not speak man tongue well' is not a valid excuse.

[Hellpyre]

*'Beat them around the head and neck until they suffer brain injury' is not a sufficent step down from cold-blooded murder to make the paladin approve.

*I may no longer play characters who change shape if my intent in doing so is to dodge paying alimony.

[Rater202]

*'Beat them around the head and neck until they suffer brain injury' is not a sufficent step down from cold-blooded murder to make the paladin approve.

**May not cite Batman as precedent.

*Jams a man's head into a live electrical panel, shocking the crap out of him* "NO KILLING!"

joke courtesy of TFS Plays Batman: Arkham Knight

[Guizonde]

Now that is just cruel. A combination of The Joker AND Bugs? I am about 99% sure it's been mentioned in the Geneva convention somewhere...

i know... it's my fault they threw that clause in there in the first place...

[Reltzik]

* No longer allowed to drive the GM to drink with the explicit intent of getting him to allow Sacred Geometry.
** You know what? No longer allowed to drive the GM to drink for ANY kind of in-game advantage, because that incentive structure invites abuse.
*** Also, no longer allowed to drive the GM to drink.

[Thrair]

* No longer allowed to drive the GM to drink with the explicit intent of getting him to allow Sacred Geometry.
** You know what? No longer allowed to drive the GM to drink for ANY kind of in-game advantage, because that incentive structure invites abuse.
*** Also, no longer allowed to drive the GM to drink.

Confirmed. I prefer to have a functional liver.

[Reltzik]

* Switching out the BBEG's coffee for decaf will cause the Paladin to fall.

[noob]

**May not suggest that decaf is made of the souls of innocents.

[DigoDragon]

* The paladin may not use kobolds as bowling balls.
** The paladin is banned from kobold hentai art.
*** Tiamat is not the goddess of Hand Turkeys.

[JAL_1138]

*Blood magic is not to be referred to as "sphygmomanomancy."