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Homebrew Design Roll up your sleeves and get working: there's lots of homebrewin' to be done! Post your custom creation for critiques or review those of your peers.

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Old 03-08-2010, 08:30 AM   Top  -  End  -  #1
The Vorpal Tribble
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Default [Deity] The words of the prophets are written on the restroom walls...

Porcelain
Greater Deity (Neutral)



Though few recognize the fact, almost all peoples give reverence in some way or another to the great god Porcelain. When they feel ill, when bodily needs must be met, it is Porcelain who they kneel before. Even the most pious follower of other deities will give offerings numerous times a day.

Porcelain appears as a great white being of smooth, glowing stone. He most often takes the odd shape of a mounted bowl, his lips raised in song.

Porcelain's favorite weapon is the plunger. His symbol is of sparkling water twirling down a dark hole set onto a tiled background.

Portfolio: Refuse, secretions, purification

Domains: City, Commode (see below), Gluttony, Water

Cleric Training: The training of clerics is normally done by other holy men who partake of blessed spirits until they feel the call of Porcelain. A call so strong that the truly dedicated will rush to him and deposit their offering within the holy bowl.

Quests: Clerics of Porcelain tend not to travel extensively, but when they do they seek to convert the disbelievers and heretics, particularly those that instead give their devotions and offerings to Tree, or even Wall.
Those that will not convert in spite of all wisdom will be shown the true holiness of Porcelain. The infidel will be held within so that the swirling waters may cool his brow and fill his ears until he hears the calling.

Prayers: Communion with Porcelain usually takes place about the shrine and are fervent and simple. "Oh please, oh please, come on!" or even a groaning of "Oh god..." are standard and well respected prayers. Fervent followers in the throes of worship may even begin to speak in high pitched whines and gurgles.

Temples: Temples of Porcelain are located most often in cities and towns, though most homes anywhere have at least one small temple. Public temples are tiled and usually contain numerous private shrines for individual devotions. Here they may sit in meditation, reading the holy magazines or papers. One can easily detect the particularly devout as the bowl runneth over with their offerings.

Rites: The rites of Porcelain often include great feasts of food and strong drink, with holy legumes served in plenty. One is encouraged to imbibe as much as one can so that their offerings to Porcelain will be of great abundance.

-=-=-=-=-

Commode Domain
Granted Ability: You gain immunity to poison.

Commode Domain Spells
1. Grease
2. Whispering Wind
3. Stinking Cloud
4. Control Water
5. Cloudkill
6. Repulsion
7. Prismatic Spray
8. Clenched Fist
9. Wish

Last edited by The Vorpal Tribble : 03-08-2010 at 10:42 AM.
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Old 03-08-2010, 09:25 AM   Top  -  End  -  #2
Frog Dragon
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Default Re: [Deity] The words of the prophets are written on the restroom walls...

A... toilet god?


This is absolutely genius!
It even works as a domain!
Now we need stats for a plunger though.
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Old 03-08-2010, 09:41 AM   Top  -  End  -  #3
Bhu
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Default Re: [Deity] The words of the prophets are written on the restroom walls...

Now thats funny
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Old 03-08-2010, 09:47 AM   Top  -  End  -  #4
Bisected8
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Default Re: [Deity] The words of the prophets are written on the restroom walls...

You had me on the floor.
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Old 03-08-2010, 09:54 AM   Top  -  End  -  #5
Admiral Squish
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Default Re: [Deity] The words of the prophets are written on the restroom walls...

You are a strange, strange man, Vorpal.
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Old 03-08-2010, 10:03 AM   Top  -  End  -  #6
THE_BIG_CHEESE
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Default Re: [Deity] The words of the prophets are written on the restroom walls...

This is the hardest I have laughed in months. I am going to read this several times today and therefore keep a smile constantly on my face.
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Old 03-08-2010, 10:35 AM   Top  -  End  -  #7
Obrysii
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Default Re: [Deity] The words of the prophets are written on the restroom walls...

Is there a Neon god somewhere? Will you elaborate on that?
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Last edited by Obrysii : 03-08-2010 at 10:35 AM.
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Old 03-08-2010, 11:35 AM   Top  -  End  -  #8
Nero24200
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Default Re: [Deity] The words of the prophets are written on the restroom walls...

Do we even want to know what the holy water really is?
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Old 03-08-2010, 02:12 PM   Top  -  End  -  #9
Eerie
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Default Re: [Deity] The words of the prophets are written on the restroom walls...

Golden Rain spell, anyone?
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Old 03-08-2010, 05:37 PM   Top  -  End  -  #10
Godskook
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Default Re: [Deity] The words of the prophets are written on the restroom walls...

This utterly fails.

Not a single pun based on 'throne' or 'John'.
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Old 03-08-2010, 06:29 PM   Top  -  End  -  #11
Zeta Kai
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Default Re: [Deity] The words of the prophets are written on the restroom walls...

Quote:
Originally Posted by The Vorpal Tribble View Post
Commode Domain
Granted Ability: You gain immunity to poison.

Commode Domain Spells
1. Grease
2. Whispering Wind
3. Stinking Cloud
4. Control Water
5. Cloudkill
6. Repulsion
7. Prismatic Spray
8. Clenched Fist
9. Wish
I LOL'd. Hard. Kudos, good sir. You never cease to amaze amuse me.
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Old 03-08-2010, 06:38 PM   Top  -  End  -  #12
Mulletmanalive
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Default Re: [Deity] The words of the prophets are written on the restroom walls...

...I just got Prismatic Spray

Heh.

Oddly, Porcellain is a goddess in British parlance, as in "Praying to the Porcellain Goddess."
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Old 03-08-2010, 06:41 PM   Top  -  End  -  #13
Dust
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Default Re: [Deity] The words of the prophets are written on the restroom walls...

You win, sir.
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Old 03-09-2010, 10:51 AM   Top  -  End  -  #14
The Vorpal Tribble
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Default Re: [Deity] The words of the prophets are written on the restroom walls...

Quote:
Originally Posted by Godskook View Post
This utterly fails.

Not a single pun based on 'throne' or 'John'.
I curse you infidel. You will seek relief but none will come... for Porcelain will not accept your tribute.

Last edited by The Vorpal Tribble : 11-06-2010 at 10:51 AM.
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Old 03-09-2010, 10:59 AM   Top  -  End  -  #15
The Mentalist
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Default Re: [Deity] The words of the prophets are written on the restroom walls...

Tribble, you're consistently brilliant. You've outdone yourself this time though.
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Old 03-09-2010, 11:20 AM   Top  -  End  -  #16
Yora
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Default Re: [Deity] The words of the prophets are written on the restroom walls...

In the early hours of the morning, we kneel before the porcelain altar to contemplate the mistakes we made during the night, and pray to be relieved from the suffering that sits deep inside us.
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The random background generator is awesome. I got a NG dwarven magus who was involved in a "pleasure" scandal with some arcane experiment backfire as well. My imagination is running off with that.
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Old 03-09-2010, 11:26 AM   Top  -  End  -  #17
DracoDei
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Default Re: [Deity] The words of the prophets are written on the restroom walls...

I like it... MIGHT even be able to work it into one of my campaigns...

[EDIT]This is a bit "stream of conciousness": The domain power looks a little strong... might want to limit that to INJESTED poison, and +4 versus everything else. The +4 by itself is a feat, but the other is a third or fourth level spell. Which is still weaker than Freedom of Movement, which you get about all you will generally need of from the Travel Domain. Actually, taking a cue from that domain you could have your cleric level add to all saves versus non-injested poisons. Actually, I could see toxic gasses and things that should not be touched in their too, so you could extend the immunity to everything BUT injected poisons if you liked.[/EDIT]

My main reason for posting this is to raise the question of whether two of my previous creations would be common creations of the more Evil of his clerics, or anathema that must be destroyed on sight. Reproduced below for conveince, Spoilered because this is a side-topic-ish sort of thing perhaps.

Gut Snake
Spoiler


Hopping Stomach
Spoiler


(The Skulking Bladders are still a work in progress or I would post those here too.)
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Last edited by DracoDei : 03-09-2010 at 11:51 AM.
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