[ACRO] The Heinous Association of Twisted Scoundrels

[Lord Magtok]

((Intro post will be redesigned, reformatted, and made a lot more spiffy later on. Just forgive me and accept this ugly mess as it is for now, please.))

Upon the ruins of PEACE, lightly irradiated with a fair mix of evil-inducing Calublufiok spores and nuclear fallout, is the headquarters of HATS. Built as a rather stereotypical villain lair, it has been designed with everything an evil organization would presumably need (Aside from bedrooms. Get your own homes, you worthless bums!). Everything from the obligatory evil conference table to fiendishly evil leather chairs (lap cats included!) has been put in place, and it's clear the cyborg has spared no expense with this thing. There's a lounge, a bar, lunar observatory, armory, laboratories, gardens full of carniverous plants...just about anything you can imagine or feel like adding to the place, except bedrooms. Because Magtok is running an evil organization, not a hotel. Right now, however, the HATS HQ is looking pretty empty and lonely. Won't you please step inside and give it the care it needs?

New Rule: This is FFRP, not D&D. Due to the background radiaiton, the Cal spores, and the anti-crunch paint on the walls, any spell cast using D&D terms instead of a description of effects will be transformed into Summon Bigger Fish.

Originally Posted by Membership Form

-Name:
-Current Alignment:
-Desired Alignment:
-Profession:
-Race:
-Age:
-Why do you want to join HATS?
-If you were a piece of fruit in a fruit bowl, which piece of fruit would you be, and why? (Note: Question not required of any Scoundrel who happens to be a piece of fruit)

-As you're walking down the street, you see a little old lady crossing, with a large truck barreling towards her with the driver texting on his cell phone, obviously oblivious to her presence. Down a nearby alley, you see a young couple being mugged by three tough-looking men with magical elemental swords. On the ledge above you is a man looking like he's ready to jump. In the space below, work out how best to profit from this situation.

-Any other important information:

[Lex-Kat]

Bianca follows Magtok to the remnants of PEACE. My sister lived here once.

[Kris on a Stick]

"Weird place. Won't we get cancer or something? I mean, the humans among us?"
The tiefling follows along, looking around at the barren, irradiated wasteland, full of evil-inducing spores. He sticks out his tongue, and lets one of them land on it, tasting the Cal dust.
"Huh. Reminds me of home."
"So, there was mention of free hats?"

[Beans]

Name: Margaret V. I'unno wot the V stan's for.
Current Alignment: I fink it's called True Neutral... or somefing like tha'.
Desired Alignment: Er... somefing Evil?
Profession: Does sleeping inna cabinet count?
Race: Human wiv metally bits on/in me.
Age: 17, I fink.
Why do you want to join HATS? 'Cos Magtok started it an' I was made like Magtok an' he said my eye was nice an; I guess I wanna be evil.
If you were a piece of fruit in a fruit bowl, which piece of fruit would you be? A lime wiv lots of pins stuck in it an' maybe some bugger's pen-knife wot they left innit 'cos they's a tosser.
Any other important information: Th' cabinet's MINE, so please don' try sleepin' in it 'cos I'll be mad.
Also I don' talk too gud 'cos half my mouth is full'a metal teefs wot is 'ard to talk 'round.

Margaret fills out a form with a lime green pen in small writing and horrible spelling.
... 'ats? She seems interested in hats.

[Lord Magtok]

Our Lord and Master, the Esteemed Leader and Top Hat Magtok nods to Bianca. He's more than a little suspicious of her, thinking any moment she'll be running back to Dippy to report about everything she's seen thus far.

I remember that. I think she helped heal me after some grievous badger accident or something, once. Things were way too quiet and gentle around here back then. The name became kinda fitting, really.

He then smiles, and pulls out a giant Santa hat from his robes, filled to its white fluffy brim with even more hats of all shapes and sizes.

Yes indeed there was mention of it, my...whatever-the-hell-you-are Scoundrel friend! And Margaret!

And cancer is yeeeeears from now. I've cleaned up most of the muck. What's left will probably cut someone down in their eighties or sixties or something. Any human joining this sort of place isn't too bright if they've any big plans for their sixties or eighties. Half of us here will be perma-deadtimed in a year's time, the rest will just use a magical Cure spell or something to clean up that sort of thing.

He begins handing out hats from the bag. Recipents are free to choose whatever sort of wacky hat they want. Google Images is recommended if you're looking to get something really bizarre.

[Beans]

Margaret gets... a ridiculous cavalier hat with ostrich plumes.
Essentially, it's the hat Barbossa wears in POTC.
Except the plumes are made of metal.
... And there's a bunch of cherries and grapes on it. Probably fake.
A metal-plumed cavalier fruit hat.
She eats one of the cherries.
... Okay, they might be real cherries or she might just be eating rubber.

[Lex-Kat]

Vidalia healed you? Now I know she was insane. Bianca waves off the hat. I'm not sure I want to join quite yet.

She's not sure how she'll work out her loyalties, if she joins. She's already a member of two groups, NO and GLoG.

[billtodamax]

A small metal sphere floats up to HATS, attempting to enter the base by means of finding an open door/window and floating through.

It's not exactly the most stealthy of things.

As it goes, it takes as many readings and measurements on absolutely everything it can. Once it gets inside it attempts to measure the dimensions of the rooms, noting down a very precise map.

[Kris on a Stick]

OMGHAT! Only the feather is red and sort of on fire (it's a phoenix feather). And without the ridiculous shirt.

*reads preceding post*
OMG BEANSY GOT LIKE, THE SAME HAT.

Originally Posted by Lord Magtok

Membership form:

Name: Kal'selthezaar
Current Alignment: NE
Desired Alignment: NE
Profession: Hunter
Race: Tiefling (of Succubus stock originally)
Age: ???
Why do you want to join HATS? I got a dude's wallet out of it. Always wanted one of those. Oh, and a hat. Nah, I just get the feeling that it's, like, the place to be right now. You know what I mean?
If you were a piece of fruit in a fruit bowl, which piece of fruit would you be? (Note: Question not required of any Scoundrel who happens to be a piece of fruit) Apple. Except the seeds would have like, eleventy billion times the cyanide content, and be cunningly placed so as you'd eat one by accident.
Any other important information: I'm totally not immune to magic of all kinds, so if you and me happen to get into a fight, feel free to fling some spells at me while I close in. I'm sure that the fireballs bouncing off of me are just because you fumbled the spell. Take your time. Correct your mistake. It'll be worth it. Honest.

[Beans]

Originally Posted by Kid Kris

OMGHAT! Only the feather is red and sort of on fire (it's a phoenix feather). And without the ridiculous shirt.

*reads preceding post*
OMG BEANSY GOT LIKE, THE SAME HAT.

Margaret's hat is a little different by being made of oilfelted something and having a rounded crown instead of a flattish one...
And, like the metal feather and the fruit.
She notices the similarity of their hats and blinks.
While scoffing cherries from her Metal Fruity Barbossa Hat.

[SinisterPenguin]

Sinister Penguin enters the HATS compound. Seeing as he already has a hat, he does not take one from the bag (though the idea of wearing two hats at once is tempting).

He flops down on one of the fiendishly evil leather chairs and begins to fill out the membership form.

Membership form:

Name: Sinister Penguin
Current Alignment: Chaotic Evil
Desired Alignment: Chaotic Evil
Profession: Sinister penguin
Race: Penguin
Age: 20
Why do you want to join HATS? I'm evil. Also because hats are sweet.
If you were a piece of fruit in a fruit bowl, which piece of fruit would you be? (Note: Question not required of any Scoundrel who happens to be a piece of fruit) Orange. It matches my beak.
Any other important information: I'm sinister. And a penguin.
Y'know.
In case you haven't figured that out yet.

[Kris on a Stick]

Kal blinks as well.
Blink blink.

[Beans]

She reaches up to her hat and pulls off some grapes.
She holds them out.
... Want 'em?
Ah, the classic Please Don't Kill Me For Having A Similar Taste In Hats As You offering.

[Lex-Kat]

Bianca removes a hat from the bag. She looks it over, but does not put it on.

So, tell us more, Maggums. I mean Magtok.

Spoiler

Conquistador Morion. But Bianca's is less broken.

[Kris on a Stick]

"Sure."
Kal takes the grapes with a gauntleted hand, and pops them in his mouth. Mmm...
No wait, he doesn't like grapes.

[Beans]

Margaret seems rather relieved and looks around the place.

[Hyozo]

By the time Hyozo walks into the base he has somehow acquired a black bowler hat with a white ribbon, which he is presumably wearing. "No thanks tinhead. I brought my own." He looks over the membership form with a slightly amused look on his face, and chuckles as he fills it in.

Name: Hyozo
Current Alignment: 75°
Desired Alignment: 71°
Profession: General nuisance
Race: Yes
Age: No
Why do you want to join HATS? It seems fun.
If you were a piece of fruit in a fruit bowl, which piece of fruit would you be? (Note: Question not required of any Scoundrel who happens to be a piece of fruit) yáng táo
Any other important information: I am recognized as completely reliable, and you need not doubt anything I say.

[Tyrion L.]

A tall wizard with pointed ears with regal dark blue robes walks into the compound, choosing a hat that looks like the Red Mage hat but in blue, proceeds to fill out the form, his jewel-topped staff in his right hand, his pen in his left.

Name: Tyrion Lannister
Current Alignment: Lawful Evil
Desired Alignment: Lawful Evil - with a hat.
Profession: Wizard, specialization in summoning
Race: Elf
Age: 200
Why do you want to join HATS?: To further the progress of his own city through alliances with others.
If you were a piece of fruit in a fruit bowl, which piece of fruit would you be? (Note: Question not required of any Scoundrel who happens to be a piece of fruit): ...Apple, probably.
Any other important information: I like cats. Any evil which involves tormenting or killing cats will be punished. The rest is fine.

[Beans]

Margaret looks at Tyrion as he comes in.
The cyborg'd girl doesn't say anything, but just continues eating cherries from her hat.

[Tyrion L.]

Tyrion then looks back at Margaret, noticing the glance. What is it you need, miss? I need to get back to my studies.

[Beans]

Originally Posted by Tyrion L.

Tyrion then looks back at Margaret, noticing the glance. What is it you need, miss? I need to get back to my studies.

Wot?
Er... I don' need anythin'... jus' noticed you come in an' stuff...

[Tyrion L.]

Tyrion nods. Ah. I apologize for my misconduct earlier. I am Archwizard Tyrion Lannister, ruler of the small nation of Norosa. He smiles. And you are?

[Beans]

Originally Posted by Tyrion L.

Tyrion nods. Ah. I apologize for my misconduct earlier. I am Archwizard Tyrion Lannister, ruler of the small nation of Norosa. He smiles. And you are?

She scratches her neck with her metal hand.
Margaret V.
Forgot wot the V stands for. An' I don' think it's s'posed to mean five.

[Tyrion L.]

Tyrion notices her metal parts, the grinning with curiosity. Normally I prefer magic over science but...I have always been curious how a cyborg actually works. He tilted his head. If it doesn't embarass you or anything such, would you mind explaining to me some of your inner workinngs? And no, that is not a euphemism.

[Beans]

I'unno, 'cos, like, I didn't build me.
An' I sorta killed the people tha' builted me.
I guess I just sorta... works.

[Tyrion L.]

Tyrion's smile darkens a bit. Ah well, you can't get everything. He then smiles Tell me, is there a good place to study and practice magic here?

[Beans]

Originally Posted by Tyrion L.

Tyrion's smile darkens a bit. Ah well, you can't get everything. He then smiles Tell me, is there a good place to study and practice magic here?

I fink so.
Mister Magtok said there's everyfing 'ere 'cept bedrooms.

[Kris on a Stick]

The tiefling freezes.
"No bedrooms? Aww man... now where am I going to stay?"

[Beans]

Originally Posted by Kid Kris

The tiefling freezes.
"No bedrooms? Aww man... now where am I going to stay?"

I c'n 'elps you find a cabinet. Pronounced cab-bin-net by her. 'Cos I sleeps in a cabinet an' 's okay unless some bugger's tryn'a steal it an' then I's got to tells 'em to clear off.

[Kris on a Stick]

"A cabinette? Huh, sounds nice."