Roleplaying GamesThe all-purpose forum for general advice or system-independent (or multi-system) discussion. Come discuss adventure plots, gamemastering dilemmas, or player advice here. For ruleset-specific discussions, see the subforums.
After the incredibly successful and funny thread about what a DM says and what DM means, here is what a DM says and what the players hear!
DM says: Are you sure?
Player hears: That idea is so incredible, I need to hear it one more time to commit it to memory so I don't forget.
DM says: This is going to be a horror/suspense game
Player hears: I need to either roll up a cleric, paladin, or a dread necro.
DM says: You can use any book you want.
Player hears: JACKPOT!
DM says: I need a detailed backstory
Player hears: I will need to explain why I am an orphan who was trained by my master but he died of old age years ago and why I have no ties to anyone special whatsoever.
DM says: A dragon lets out a mighty roar!
Player hears: Triple Standard treasure!
DM says: You see nothing after 20 minutes of search
Player hears: Oh god, there MUST be something in here that is worth all this searching. Take out the adamantine picks! We are taking the walls down!
DM says: The door is locked
Player hears: Something amazing is behind that door.
DM says: A man who seems to radiate power and authority comes up to you and offers to join your interesting adventure.
Player hears: DMPC is going to take up all the spot light. Best get a sandwich and a good book.
__________________
Quote:
Originally Posted by shadow_archmagi
DM says: WHY!? WHY!? WHY?!
DM means: NO! NO! NO!!!
Player hears: GOOD JOB PLAYER! DO IT AGAIN AND AGAIN!
DM says: You've heard legends of monsters like this taking out entire kingdoms. A group of newbie adventurers like yourselves surely stands no chance.
Players hear: XP!!!!!!!!!!
DM says: You find nothing.
Players hear: Keep searching.
DM says: You find nothing (before the players roll)
Players hear: It's not trapped.
DM says: You're hopelessly outnumbered by the troops hunting you. You should probably try to escape.
Players hear: They're trying to capture us alive, so let's fight!
DM says: You can't do that without a lot of study.
Players hear: You can do that.
DM says: You don't know what it is.
Players hear: Play with it and find out what it is.
DM: (paragraph description of the town that the party has just entered)
Players hear: There's an inn.
DM: You can use any source that you'd like, but I'm new to this so please no cheesey stuff.
Players hear: Be as overpowered as you'd like, I'm probably not going to catch half the broken stuff.
DM says: "He dosen't hit that hard."
Players hear: "Remember that kobold ranger with the magic crit-pick and Favored Enemy = PCs?"
DM says: "Two 800 tonne Imperial Cruisers with 20 Gigawatt beam lasers order you to stand by for boarding."
Players hear: "Your Phat lewt! 400 tonne transport armed with a Phat lewt! mining laser and Phat lewt! seven combat droids can Phat lewt! take them. Phat lewt!"
__________________ Niven's Laws, #5
If you've nothing to say, say it any way you like. Stylistic innovations, contorted story lines or none, exotic or genderless pronouns, internal inconsistencies, the recipe for preparing your lover as a cannibal banquet: feel free. If what you have to say is important and/or difficult to follow, use the simplest language possible. If the reader doesn't get it then, let it not be your fault.
DM says: "Oh. It didn't occur to me that you might go that way. Um..." *pauses to think about ways to adapt and make do*
Players hear: "Get back on them rails you big meanies!"
DM says: "He dosen't hit that hard."
Players hear: "Remember that kobold ranger with the magic crit-pick and Favored Enemy = PCs?"
DM says: "Two 800 tonne Imperial Cruisers with 20 Gigawatt beam lasers order you to stand by for boarding."
Players hear: "Your Phat lewt! 400 tonne transport armed with a Phat lewt! mining laser and Phat lewt! seven combat droids can Phat lewt! take them. Phat lewt!"
But whatever are they going to do with oversized lutes?
__________________
Strawberries is thanked for being an awesome avatarist.
"I dunno, you just gave me the image of a nerd flying slow motion over a coffee table towards another nerd, dual wielding massive books. It was awesome." -- Marriclay
DM says: "Oh. It didn't occur to me that you might go that way. Um..." *pauses to think about ways to adapt and make do*
Players hear: "Get back on them rails you big meanies!"
But that might just be me and my group
For my group it's more like:
Players hear: "Go get something to eat, this'll take a while."
Players hear: "Go get something to eat, this'll take a while."
See, I'd be fine with that. I try to tell everyone, "I'm not very good at improvisation and there's only so much preparation I can get done, but that's my problem, not yours. You go and do whatever you like, but be aware that I might have to take a bit of time to reorganise.", but the minute I falter they're always "okay, never mind, I'll keep going down this road..." and then I feel bad for railroading
DM says: You enter a magic shop.
Players hear: You enter a treasure trove of useful stuff if you can just figure out how to kill the storekeeper and defeat whatever security or traps he has protecting the place.
DM says: We've got someone new joining us this week.
Players hear: My girlfriend is joining us this week.
Attack? A PLINTH?? Are you INSANE! They're more crazier broken than the dreaded Dire Gazebo!!
plinth |plinθ| noun
a heavy base supporting a statue or vase.
84% all statues in an average D&D campaign animate to attack players as they get closer. The rest are just the DM messing with your heads.
__________________
Quotes:
Spoiler
Quote:
Originally Posted by Claudius Maximus
Also fixed the money issue by sacrificing a goat.
Quote:
Originally Posted by subject42
This board needs a "you're technically right but I still want to crawl into the fetal position and cry" emoticon.
Quote:
Originally Posted by Yukitsu
I define [optimization] as "the process by which one attains a build meeting all mechanical and characterization goals set out by the creator prior to its creation."
DM says: You enter a magic shop.
Players hear: You enter a treasure trove of useful stuff if you can just figure out how to kill the storekeeper and defeat whatever security or traps he has protecting the place.
True enough for my players. Hey, do you mind if I sig that?
More like,
Players: Obviously we need to set it on fire and/or haven't used enough!
Quote:
Originally Posted by grarrrg
Attack? A PLINTH?? Are you INSANE! They're more crazier broken than the dreaded Dire Gazebo!!
I added a holy Gazebo that, when approached, would either zap evil guys to death (left a ring of corpses around it) or quiz you. One of my players asked what a gazebo was, made both my and several of the player's nights.
DM says: imagine for me if you will, a Left For Dead "tank" zombie
DM means: Imagine for me, if you will, the incredible hulk, but deadish
Player hears: imagine for me, a zombie ogre.
*there is a large, large, LARGE, discrepency between the two for those who have not played left for dead
__________________
my awesome knight riding a bulette avatar was made by smuchmuch
Cookie Jar: 1
teej has quotes
Spoiler
Quote:
Originally Posted by Occasional Sage
big teej, you are the GitP forum with legs.
Quote:
Originally Posted by McSmack
Or if you're feeling saucy you can remind him that it's not a democracy, it's a Teej-tatorship, and he'd best remember that.
Quote:
Originally Posted by IthroZada
I imagine Cenobites to be what you get when you mash together the Book of Erotic Fantasy and the Book of Vile Darkness.
if I've gone quiet in a pbp we share, PM ME! this means I'm not getting updates!
More like,
Players: Obviously we need to set it on fire and/or haven't used enough!
I added a holy Gazebo that, when approached, would either zap evil guys to death (left a ring of corpses around it) or quiz you. One of my players asked what a gazebo was, made both my and several of the player's nights.
At least he admitted to not knowing what a Gazebo is, thus avoiding the fate of being eaten by the dread gazebo!!!
RSS Feeds: 
What DM says and what players hear
