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Old 10-18-2010, 12:07 AM   Top  -  End  -  #181
Machuchang
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Lady Moreta View Post
Thank you That was the feeling I was going for. I'm glad it worked so well, I wasn't sure if it was really coming across properly. But it's hard to really write/convey a sense of amnesia when you've never experienced it yourself.
Yeah, I really struggle with writing amnesia bits, but you really nailed it. I may have to use it as a reference some time.

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19th Century, Victorian England. The game itself is set in 1891, and we've been told that the group has been together for about a year before the game itself starts. So I would say that scene happened either early 1890 or late 1889. Need to finish the actual character sheet already... it's a bit confusing trying to generate a 3.5 character when it's not normal fantasy.
Ooh! Fun! That sounds a lot like a steampunk game I just finished, in terms of the outfits and rule sets, at the very least. I should probably write some snippets based off of that campaign, come to think of it...


Meanwhile, I've been very productive snippet-wise recently.

Here's two more from the same story, but with a NEW main character, at least for the moment.

The Other Side
(or Ohhhhhhhhh...!)

Spoiler


Betrayal
(or Karma's a Bitch)

Spoiler

Last edited by Machuchang : 04-17-2011 at 12:16 PM.
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Old 10-18-2010, 03:42 AM   Top  -  End  -  #182
Lady Moreta
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Yeah, I really struggle with writing amnesia bits, but you really nailed it. I may have to use it as a reference some time.
Awwwwww (I am using that word way too much lately).

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Originally Posted by Machuchang View Post
The Other Side
(or Ohhhhhhhhh...!)

Betrayal
(or Karma's a Bitch)

“NO RULES AGAINST THAT!” he screeched as he plunged his talons into my eyes.
Wow. Just wow.

You have an incredibly ability to get into the heads of your characters. No mean feat when they're so very different. I loved seeing and hearing from Natalia's point of view. You've managed to make the tone completely different - you can tell they're different people, because they really sound different in writing. Well done

You've done a fantastic job of creating her character in only a few short snippets. While you haven't come right out and said it, the reader knows that obviously the original Deathwind took Natalia, and to get away from him in desperation, she made some sort of deal with this Hearteater character (brillant name by the way, gave me the creeps), and he's now come to collect. I can tell that she's done things she's not proud of, but is fairly well convinced she can't do anything about that now. You've captured a sense of hopelessness very well.

And I love the last line of the second snippet. I can just hear a screeching voice in my head - making me think of Heath Ledger's version of The Joker... creeeeepy.

I'd love to see your latest Varen snippet from Natalia's point of view (the one where he finds her without her eyes and insists they can make things right again).

You're breaking my heart here... well done.
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Last edited by Lady Moreta : 10-18-2010 at 03:43 AM. Reason: forgot to add something
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Old 10-18-2010, 10:06 AM   Top  -  End  -  #183
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for starters, I am loving the Varen and Natali snippets

... even if they make me want to stop DMing and go back to playing...


also, lady moreta, the last one was an excellent read.


are we now bringing snippets from every system? or are we still trying to stick to dnd?
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Old 10-18-2010, 08:36 PM   Top  -  End  -  #184
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Okay, back again, deciding to write a bit more of a serious one... Kinda rare for me, as when I kill games, they die in the most hilarious and glorious manner possible. This is from an All Flesh Must Be Eaten game...

Two Sides
or Different Kinds of Madness

Spoiler


Yeah, that was a bad experience all round. The player in question was in a tizzy with me, and metagamed to hell, bringing his grudge in game. The fact I'd questioned his character, a super-munchkin with a background that would have fit better in a DCU game than a zombie apocalypse, was what set it all off. As you might expect, the game died shortly thereafter...
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Old 10-18-2010, 09:44 PM   Top  -  End  -  #185
Lady Moreta
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also, lady moreta, the last one was an excellent read.

are we now bringing snippets from every system? or are we still trying to stick to dnd?
Thank you

I see no reason to stick with just D&D. Werekat posted a neat little vampire story earlier. Fire away I only stick with D&D because it's the only system I've used.


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Originally Posted by darkpuppy View Post
Okay, back again, deciding to write a bit more of a serious one... Kinda rare for me, as when I kill games, they die in the most hilarious and glorious manner possible. This is from an All Flesh Must Be Eaten game...
Wow, this was fantastic! Have you studied Native American culture at all? because it sounds like you've really done your research. Very believable. We really get into his head despite the lack of dialogue. Very well done
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Old 10-18-2010, 10:01 PM   Top  -  End  -  #186
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Thank you

I see no reason to stick with just D&D. Werekat posted a neat little vampire story earlier. Fire away I only stick with D&D because it's the only system I've used.

you're welcome,

in that case, I think the next one will be the origin story for a character I made in phoenix. (superhero expansion to d20 modern)
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Old 10-18-2010, 10:36 PM   Top  -  End  -  #187
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Wow, this was fantastic! Have you studied Native American culture at all? because it sounds like you've really done your research. Very believable. We really get into his head despite the lack of dialogue. Very well done
Why, thank you! And yes, I've always been interested in both comparative theology, looking at other belief systems and cultures, that sort of thing. To be honest, without starting on character backstories, I'm sort of running out, because, while there were very many memorable moments in my life'o'gaming, most of these were the rather spectacular ways I'd crash and burn the campaigns I ran, such as making a large portion of the Marsh of Chelimber explode... my personal rule is, when people lose interest in a campaign (and my last few groups have had the attention spans of gnats, sadly), might as well go with a bang!
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Old 10-18-2010, 11:04 PM   Top  -  End  -  #188
Lady Moreta
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Why, thank you! And yes, I've always been interested in both comparative theology, looking at other belief systems and cultures, that sort of thing. To be honest, without starting on character backstories, I'm sort of running out, because, while there were very many memorable moments in my life'o'gaming, most of these were the rather spectacular ways I'd crash and burn the campaigns I ran, such as making a large portion of the Marsh of Chelimber explode... my personal rule is, when people lose interest in a campaign (and my last few groups have had the attention spans of gnats, sadly), might as well go with a bang!
Sounds like fun I'd be interested in the explosive Marsh of Chelimbor.

And backstories are always good I think half of the stuff I've posted thus far has been backstory for one character or another.
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Old 10-18-2010, 11:48 PM   Top  -  End  -  #189
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Heh, not much to tell, and it was a somewhat nonsensical way to end things anyways... basically, black dragon (or was it red?) mullers party after eating a caravan of smokepowder (yes, an entire caravan of the stuff), one of my players begs for a final shot off, he rolls a nat 20, fireball goes down said dragon's throat, blows about 5 or 10 square miles of the Marsh of Chelimber to smithereens.

As to backstories, I'll see if there's any good ones, but I may mostly be doing stories on 'the characters that never ran', people who, for better or worse, I wanted to play or run, and they never got that chance... like Alethor the Well Travelled (known to everyone else as "Alethor the Testy")
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Old 10-18-2010, 11:57 PM   Top  -  End  -  #190
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i like how you converted D&D in to a story it makes it much more interesting
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Old 10-19-2010, 12:14 AM   Top  -  End  -  #191
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Two Sides
or Different Kinds of Madness
Dude, amazing! I love Michael Twofeathers! I've always been a sucker for Native American lore, and the way you conveyed his beliefs, his sense of compassion, and his honorable personality in so few words is nothing short of fantastic!

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Originally Posted by big teej View Post
for starters, I am loving the Varen and Natali snippets

... even if they make me want to stop DMing and go back to playing...
Thanks a lot! But don't forget, the DM makes these stories happen in the first place.

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Originally Posted by Lady Moreta View Post
Awwwwww (I am using that word way too much lately).
Means I'm doing something right.


Quote:
Originally Posted by Lady Moreta View Post
Wow. Just wow.

You have an incredibly ability to get into the heads of your characters. No mean feat when they're so very different. I loved seeing and hearing from Natalia's point of view. You've managed to make the tone completely different - you can tell they're different people, because they really sound different in writing. Well done

You've done a fantastic job of creating her character in only a few short snippets. While you haven't come right out and said it, the reader knows that obviously the original Deathwind took Natalia, and to get away from him in desperation, she made some sort of deal with this Hearteater character (brillant name by the way, gave me the creeps), and he's now come to collect. I can tell that she's done things she's not proud of, but is fairly well convinced she can't do anything about that now. You've captured a sense of hopelessness very well.
Thank you so much. I'm pretty much at a loss for words here. It's just really good to hear that I managed to actually convey everything that I wanted to.

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Originally Posted by Lady Moreta View Post
I'd love to see your latest Varen snippet from Natalia's point of view (the one where he finds her without her eyes and insists they can make things right again).
I'd be happy to oblige.


Step by Step
(or No Comic Relief Title Here)

Spoiler

Last edited by Machuchang : 10-19-2010 at 09:17 AM.
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Old 10-19-2010, 12:14 AM   Top  -  End  -  #192
Lady Moreta
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As to backstories, I'll see if there's any good ones, but I may mostly be doing stories on 'the characters that never ran', people who, for better or worse, I wanted to play or run, and they never got that chance... like Alethor the Well Travelled (known to everyone else as "Alethor the Testy")
Sounds good I have a couple of character concepts up my sleeve I haven't had a chance to play with yet as well. But I have too many ideas for my current characters to write. Must continue on with the one I currently have...

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i like how you converted D&D in to a story it makes it much more interesting
That's the plan feel free to join in
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Old 10-19-2010, 10:05 AM   Top  -  End  -  #193
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I'm suffering from indecision.....

I don't know who to write about next!!!

Imperial guardsman?
"boulder"
"blacklist"
something else from Roche?
Cog?
Sohn?
-grumbling ranting about other characters-
grok?
arg!!!


-indecision-
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Old 10-19-2010, 09:24 PM   Top  -  End  -  #194
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But first, both Father and the Emperor had some explaining to do...
I want to know who her father is. And what the real story is. Well done

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I'm suffering from indecision.....

I don't know who to write about next!!!

Imperial guardsman?
I vote for Imperial guardsman. Presuming it's Star Wars related?
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Old 10-20-2010, 07:11 AM   Top  -  End  -  #195
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Sorry about the sudden disappearance - offline stuff got me as well. I'll comment on the individual stuff as soon as I can (might be a little slow). Right now I just have to say that Varen and Natalia are awesome, and beautifully different.

And, Darkpuppy? I utterly admire your skill at making a roleplaying experience out of bad out-of-character stuff. It's an acquired skill, and one that takes a lot of patience. I really liked what you wrote, as well. I'll comment more in detail in the evening, I hope!

In good news, I finally finished the snippet from two weeks ago. So here's Bashira being a bit more serious.

We really shouldn't have done that,
or
Consequences of "kick in the door" style of play

Spoiler
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Old 10-20-2010, 07:42 AM   Top  -  End  -  #196
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A Legend Begins

Spoiler


Yeah, Alethor the Well Travelled. God, there's a character I'd love to develop! One of my favourite exercises is to make a backdrop for a character from completely random stats, and I can get very attached to the results. Alethor the Well Travelled (known to everyone else as Alethor the Testy) is a smart, but not very wise elf, adolescent, who is in the awkward position of hating adventurers (mostly for their egos), yet wanting to be one (and having much of an ego himself.)

He learned languages from the variety of insults hurled at him when he was forced to flee, is actually a bit of a coward, has a soft spot for the underdog, and is a hardened cynic. It doesn't help that, with a ridiculously low CON (I think it was something like 5), he is genuinely not built for the adventuring life, constantly catching colds, weak to sleep poisons... but he still masochistically goes on, because he genuinely thinks he's smart enough to counter all that... Who knows, if he ever got developed, maybe he would... but he'd still be the grumbling, insulting, cynical being he is in his background, and this story...

EDIT: Thanks, guys and gals. To be honest, my philosophy is that if you can't see the funny side in things, or turn even a piece of metagaming into a good story, you're a bit shafted as a DM. Then again, I've always had bad lucks with groups. The most recent RL group I had seemed to literally fall apart, and everything seemed to be going so well... I kinda miss my days in Bradford Uni Roleplay Society (BURPS), because there, there wasn't nearly the amount of crap that I had to deal with here in Pembs... after all, groups are rare in Pembs (some might say nonexistent)

Still, the Bashira tale was really good, I liked it! It felt a bit awkward to read at first, but as I got deeper into it, I was hooked! You have a gift for implying world details, and I like that! Myself, my specialty is characters. Heck, when you're running WoD (whether oWoD or nWoD), you sorta need to be...

EDIT 2: Michel and Jarth are just characters I created on the fly, though. Can you tell?
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Old 10-20-2010, 10:18 AM   Top  -  End  -  #197
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...A-and I just got a few minutes to write a bit.

Darkpuppy: *nods* True what you say about turning bad gaming into good stories. It's saved me any number of times. Though I prefer having good stories, and am pretty blessed with a good gaming group.

As for the text - on re-reading, I guess I should have put more description into the beginning. I tried to make it read like Bashira kind of telling a joke, but I think I failed at that. :P

As for implying world details - our DM's to thank for those. I'm just describing what he throws at us as Bashira notices it. I also think my specialty to be characters (and I run WoD games, to boot - that makes two of us, funnily enough). Then again, you always think you're good at something when you write, and then people go and notice completely different things.

And Alethor - ye gods, I'd like to meet that wizard in a game! He sounds like a lot of fun! Snarky adolescent elven wizards... Reminds me of a bit of background for Jailin - "...And the instructors at the academy know well why elves under the age of a hundred are almost never taught magic." If you have any other scenes in mind with this guy, I'd like to read more.

As for the others - they sounded like fellow PC's at first, just not developed yet, because of a snippet's time constrain. So, no, I really couldn't tell.
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Old 10-20-2010, 02:18 PM   Top  -  End  -  #198
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I want to know who her father is. And what the real story is. Well done



I vote for Imperial guardsman. Presuming it's Star Wars related?
uhm.... no =P
warhammer 40K dark heresy...
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Old 10-20-2010, 05:28 PM   Top  -  End  -  #199
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teej, that sounds good to me, after Dan Abnett, the Imperial Guard will never be the same to me again!
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Old 10-20-2010, 06:21 PM   Top  -  End  -  #200
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teej, that sounds good to me, after Dan Abnett, the Imperial Guard will never be the same to me again!
well said.

(I'm still waiting for the next gaunt's ghosts)
(also... I miss Bragg.)

very well, the imperial guardsman it is!!!
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Old 10-20-2010, 09:55 PM   Top  -  End  -  #201
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Werekat View Post
Sorry about the sudden disappearance - offline stuff got me as well. I'll comment on the individual stuff as soon as I can (might be a little slow). Right now I just have to say that Varen and Natalia are awesome, and beautifully different.

And, Darkpuppy? I utterly admire your skill at making a roleplaying experience out of bad out-of-character stuff. It's an acquired skill, and one that takes a lot of patience. I really liked what you wrote, as well. I'll comment more in detail in the evening, I hope!

In good news, I finally finished the snippet from two weeks ago. So here's Bashira being a bit more serious.

We really shouldn't have done that,
or
Consequences of "kick in the door" style of play

Spoiler
(other than the fact that it was hard to tell who was talking) That was really nice. I like how it went from a very casual informal Adventurer's adventuring scenario to realizing a rather nasty horror to fixxing it with a "lets get this done" attitude scenario. Some of it was the DM's plot but I think alot of it was Bashira's cool attitude.
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Old 10-20-2010, 10:48 PM   Top  -  End  -  #202
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Werekat;9592113
In good news, I finally finished the snippet from two weeks ago. So here's Bashira being a bit more serious.

[CENTER
We really shouldn't have done that,
or
Consequences of "kick in the door" style of play[/center]
I have to admit, I don't think this one is your best work. I enjoyed it - the shopkeeper gaping at the broken bow was nicely done, but it didn't flow very well to my mind.

I found it difficult to get a feel for what was going on - the ending was great, when they got serious and realised just what the hang they'd done (I'd like to know what idiot training school turns dead members into Shadows though, that's just - so very dumb.)

The part where Bashira is talking to Samir in the tavern felt awkward to me. Especially the part where she talks about having friends along with happy trigger fingers - I'm still not entirely sure what was going on in that scene, or what she was actually talking about. It wasn't until I got to the end that I got a feel for what must have happened. I still enjoyed it, I just don't think it was your best work

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It all began, strangely enough, in an inn. Trite, I know. But reality is not always epic, and sometimes, no matter how trite a tale seems, it can be true. So yes, it began in an inn...
Heeheehee, well done

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"Before you die, point-ears, let me know who decided to insult Jarth Onaxil, Border-Keeper of Hambleton. I'm working on a book about fools, and you fit the bill."
This confused me for a second, I wasn't sure who was talking. I think it was that Jarth came across like a bit of an idiot (low int, perhaps low wis), and then all of a sudden he's talking about writing a book and I got confused. I thought it was perhaps the narrator who had interrupted at first.

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Originally Posted by darkpuppy View Post
he is genuinely not built for the adventuring life, constantly catching colds, weak to sleep poisons...
But... elves don't sleep. Aren't they immune to sleep affects?

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Originally Posted by darkpuppy View Post
EDIT 2: Michel and Jarth are just characters I created on the fly, though. Can you tell?
Nope I had assumed that Jarth was an NPC, and that Michel was another PC. So well done there.

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uhm.... no =P
warhammer 40K dark heresy...
Awwwww... now I is sad

I am desperately trying to finish a couple of snippets myself - parts of Lyra's backstory. One is being written longhand, I'll probably finish it tonight when I get home, but may not type it up til later. The other one I'm struggling with. A lot. I'll post it, but I suspect it may need much revision. I hate work. It's stopping me from doing the important things in life
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Old 10-21-2010, 02:54 AM   Top  -  End  -  #203
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I actually finished something!

Anyway, I'm trying something a little new with this one, so tell me if it doesn't work. I gave up on first person for this one, and yet, I'm not sure it's worked! Also, the small size writing in the [ ] is meant to be background thoughts that aren't being articulated, but are always there in the back of the mind. Please tell me if it doesn't work. The idea popped into my head and I thought I might as well give it a try as not.

So, without further ado and rambling... (also, it's really long)

How Lyra met Ket'Thull
or, Yes Sir, No Sir, Three Bags Full Sir

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Old 10-21-2010, 01:44 PM   Top  -  End  -  #204
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I actually finished something!
I have but one complaint.....

now [b]I[b] am hungry.....

didn't help that I read this after coming from a workout and a run... but still

om nom nom nom......

I loved it!

the hungry's didn't detract from it at all in my opinoin, it really hit home that this girl is HUNGRY
and, being rather large in the gut area... I can sympathize with hunger pangs. (curse you hypoglycemia!)

...hungryhungryhungryhungry
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Old 10-21-2010, 08:51 PM   Top  -  End  -  #205
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I have but one complaint.....

now [b]I[b] am hungry.....

I loved it!

the hungry's didn't detract from it at all in my opinoin, it really hit home that this girl is HUNGRY
and, being rather large in the gut area... I can sympathize with hunger pangs. (curse you hypoglycemia!)

...hungryhungryhungryhungry
Thank you I really wasn't sure it would work, but I wanted to try it.

And I'm sorry I made you hungry!
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Old 10-21-2010, 09:24 PM   Top  -  End  -  #206
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so not your fault.

I read it right after going for a run.... right after lifting.....
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Old 10-21-2010, 11:25 PM   Top  -  End  -  #207
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Next time something I post involves food, I'll warn you first

I seem to be on a role this week, because here's another one. I freely admit to cheating with this one - it's taken directly from the game, so I haven't had to come up with any of Ket'Thull's dialogue, or his actions. I just copied/pasted from the in-game thread Only things I have done are take the colours out (Ket'Thull speaks like this, and Lyra speaks like this), and tidy things up a little. I haven't changed anything of what he said (except for adding a 'the' in one spot). All I really did was flesh out Lyra's thoughts, and rewrite some of the action so it flowed better.

Unexpected Friend
or, Now What Did I Do That For?

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Old 10-22-2010, 07:54 AM   Top  -  End  -  #208
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Next time something I post involves food, I'll warn you first

I seem to be on a role this week, because here's another one. I freely admit to cheating with this one
if you're not cheating, you're not trying
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Old 10-22-2010, 08:12 AM   Top  -  End  -  #209
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if you're not cheating, you're not trying
Come again?
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Old 10-22-2010, 10:05 AM   Top  -  End  -  #210
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Come again?
quote I picked up from.....
oh dear, where did I first hear that.

some cheat code source for video games, may have been a website, may have been a booklet.

you said you were cheating because you stole it from a PBP, hence the comment.
if that caused offense... you have my sincerest aplogies


also, (now that I've had time to actually read it)
I enjoyed reading that

just how tall is the paladin anyways?
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