Crack Pairings IV - You Can't Unread It

[CoffeeIncluded]

Owch, not fun. *Hugs*

Hey, cheer up, at least you and your family got presents this year.

[The Dark Fiddler]

Sounds like they over-reacted. It's just a gift.

[Lycan 01]

He's not actually mad at me. He was able to smooth it over, and play it off. In fact, he bought her an extra smaller gift just in case his cover got blown...

But yeah. I just feel like an idiot for almost blowing the suprise.

[CoffeeIncluded]

*Hugs* It's okay.

[BatRobin]

Well, I decided to restart Sapphire and make the LG.

My Treecko is Nale.

Any ideas what Pokemon I should have as the rest of Linear Guild? I'm making a collab team if I need, so I might end up with Leeky and Hilgya.

[CoffeeIncluded]

Well, I decided to restart Sapphire and make the LG.

My Treecko is Nale.

Any ideas what Pokemon I should have as the rest of Linear Guild? I'm making a collab team if I need, so I might end up with Leeky and Hilgya.

Uhm...Machoke as Thog?

Skitty as Sabine?

[The Dark Fiddler]

Alright guys, Zanaril have argued long and hard over this. Insults were thrown and apologies were sincere, and we may have a hospital bill or two that needs to be paid, but the winner of the contest has been decided.* Let's have a big round of applause for...

half-halfling and his Canon's Panel -Capture® spell comic! As the winner, half-halfling, you can rewrite the Opening Post. Simply shoot me a pm with the format you want, and I'll implement it. If you don't put the previous thread links in or the tables or anything, I'll just stick them in at the bottom. Since you said you're not a native speaker (Which honestly surprised me) just tell me if you want me to edit for grammar and spelling or anything, okay?

Anyway, sorry to all the not-winners. You all did good, but there can only ever be one winner.

Have a great holiday season, everybody!

*Don't worry, I'm lying here. They decided to not charge us at the hospital.

[CoffeeIncluded]

Gotta go, going to the opera.

[Zanaril]

*hobbles in on crutches*

Don't worry guys, Fiddler's worse off than me.

[Dark Faun]

Haha, I knew half-halfling would win.

I'm glad I'm writing with a computer rather than with pen and paper, because if it was the latter, my paper would be illegible since drowned in tears.

Inspiration strikes rarely nowadays, so when it came with a continuation of ShinyDelusion's story, I didn't turn my nose up at it.

Spoiler

Show

After preventing Elan to further violate him or degrade the situation even more with a well-aimed Cone of Cold, Vaarsuvius found himself before Haley's door. Grief for his best friend wrestled with anger at the bard for making her so miserable all the while being too stupid to realize what he had just done in his mind as he softly knocked on the door.

"Miss Starshine?" the elf asked timidly.

His only reply was heart-breaking sobbing.

"Miss Starshine..." Vaarsuvius repeated as he slowly opened the thankfully unlocked door.

His best friend was sitting on the edge of her bed, face buried in her hands as she wept miserably and shook madly. He walked to her silently and gently put his hands on her shoulders when he reached her.

Haley lowered her hands from her face when she felt the touch and looked up. "J?" she uttered softly, visibly surprised he deigned to come to her. "Z vqicdy qrjp ouibu Z brvu'm wiiy puicwq siv hic!" she then said, choking back many tears.

"Miss Starshine," Vaarsuvius started soothingly, "I swear to the ancient elven god of knowledge and, most importantly, you, that it was not what it looked like."

Haley's crying doubled. "Ui! Yiu'm dzp mi lrop lp sppd epmmpn! Z yiu'm ypvpnjp zm!" She buried her face back in her hands as she began trembling even more. "Z upjpn yzy!"

Varsuvius didn't understand a word, but her sobs were answer enough. He firmly clasped her wrists and forced her hands away from her face. "Miss Starshine," he said softly before making a pause. "...Haley," he corrected. "Have I ever lied to you?"

Haley stopped shaking and sobbing as she looked right in his beautiful eyes. "Ui..."

He helped her off the bed. Haley stood up and, taller than the elf, looked down to see him smile softly. He let go of her hands to cup her face with his own.

"I would rather die one thousand deaths than hurt you," he said caringly as he tilted her head down and tiptoed to close tenderly the gap between their lips.

Haley's eyes widened but before long, they closed as she wrapped her arms around her best friend and pulled him closer, kissing back lovingly.

'Forget Elan,' she thought as she deepened the kiss, 'V's everything I need.'

Feels out of character and too mushy though.

[The Dark Fiddler]

*hobbles in on crutches*

Don't worry guys, Fiddler's worse off than me.

That may be, but I'm still sorry for... uh...

...best left unsaid in good company.

[Zanaril]

Feels out of character and too mushy though.

*melts*

Nothing wrong with mushy....

Gotta go, going to the opera.

Have a good time!

[Asta Kask]

Thanks guys.

I'm still really upset and I still hate myself, but I won't act on it. I promise.

Good. If you think I reacted strongly, it's because you really scared me. My favorite kitty videos, btw, is this (more cute than funny) and this (and Elan would love it.

...Actually, what I'm gonna do is go and boot up my old copy of Pokemon Crystal (Which still works!) Heart Gold/Soul Silver is coming out soon and I always wanted to do a Teddiursa solo run. (I've already done a Rattata solo run, a Poochyena solo run, and a Piplup solo run).

What? Don't you know Pokemon teaches children witchcraft!

It must be true if a preacher says it.

[Asta Kask]

Owch, not fun. *Hugs*

Hey, cheer up, at least you and your family got presents this year.

Don't you get presents for Hanukkah? Are Jewish children discriminated against by having one less present-giving holiday per year?

[Zanaril]

What? Don't you know Pokemon teaches children witchcraft!

It must be true if a preacher says it.

The funniest part of that video is the people in the audience nodding.

[CoffeeIncluded]

Don't you get presents for Hanukkah? Are Jewish children discriminated against by having one less present-giving holiday per year?

No, my parents just haven't been able to get me anything yet.

[Dark Faun]

*melts*

Nothing wrong with mushy....

Thanks. Glad you liked it.

[silversaraph]

Don't you get presents for Hanukkah? Are Jewish children discriminated against by having one less present-giving holiday per year?

Hannukah is a bit stereotyped by non-Jewish/non orthodox people. My family, for example, is orthodox and we don't follow the present scheme very much. It kind of annoys me when people assume you get eight presents if you're Jewish, and while some people do that, the overwhelming majority of families who give presents on Hannukah are not orthodox or not even Jewish.

Hoping not to offend anyone there.

Edit: Gah, ninjad by the person this was directed at.

[The Odor]

Haha, I knew half-halfling would win.

I'm glad I'm writing with a computer rather than with pen and paper, because if it was the latter, my paper would be illegible since drowned in tears.

Inspiration strikes rarely nowadays, so when it came with a continuation of ShinyDelusion's story, I didn't turn my nose up at it.

Spoiler

Show

After preventing Elan to further violate him or degrade the situation even more with a well-aimed Cone of Cold, Vaarsuvius found himself before Haley's door. Grief for his best friend wrestled with anger at the bard for making her so miserable all the while being too stupid to realize what he had just done in his mind as he softly knocked on the door.

"Miss Starshine?" the elf asked timidly.

His only reply was heart-breaking sobbing.

"Miss Starshine..." Vaarsuvius repeated as he slowly opened the thankfully unlocked door.

His best friend was sitting on the edge of her bed, face buried in her hands as she wept miserably and shook madly. He walked to her silently and gently put his hands on her shoulders when he reached her.

Haley lowered her hands from her face when she felt the touch and looked up. "J?" she uttered softly, visibly surprised he deigned to come to her. "Z vqicdy qrjp ouibu Z brvu'm wiiy puicwq siv hic!" she then said, choking back many tears.

"Miss Starshine," Vaarsuvius started soothingly, "I swear to the ancient elven god of knowledge and, most importantly, you, that it was not what it looked like."

Haley's crying doubled. "Ui! Yiu'm dzp mi lrop lp sppd epmmpn! Z yiu'm ypvpnjp zm!" She buried her face back in her hands as she began trembling even more. "Z upjpn yzy!"

Varsuvius didn't understand a word, but her sobs were answer enough. He firmly clasped her wrists and forced her hands away from her face. "Miss Starshine," he said softly before making a pause. "...Haley," he corrected. "Have I ever lied to you?"

Haley stopped shaking and sobbing as she looked right in his beautiful eyes. "Ui..."

He helped her off the bed. Haley stood up and, taller than the elf, looked down to see him smile softly. He let go of her hands to cup her face with his own.

"I would rather die one thousand deaths than hurt you," he said caringly as he tilted her head down and tiptoed to close tenderly the gap between their lips.

Haley's eyes widened but before long, they closed as she wrapped her arms around her best friend and pulled him closer, kissing back lovingly.

'Forget Elan,' she thought as she deepened the kiss, 'V's everything I need.'

Feels out of character and too mushy though.

Of some reason that last line makes me wanna ship someone of you gal's with Elan.


So anyone up for dateing the bard closest to us?

[Dark Faun]

Haha, no thanks. I'd rather date Miko, even if her idea of resting is laying in a muddy ditch using sharp rocks as pillows and eating lichen for breakfast. Or Haley, who's slightly less nuts.

Speaking of which, here's the translation to her post-treasure stress disorder speech for those who're interested:

Spoiler

Show

...

Haley lowered her hands from her face when she felt the touch and looked up. "V?" she uttered softly, visibly surprised he deigned to come to her. "I should have known I wasn't good enough for you!" she then said, choking back many tears.

...

Haley's crying doubled. "No! Don't lie to make me feel better! I don't deserve it!" She buried her face back in her hands as she began trembling even more. "I never did!"

...

Haley stopped shaking and sobbing as she looked right in his beautiful eyes. "No..."

...

These are the lines that make me question whether Haley was in character or not.

[Zanaril]

These are the lines that make me question whether Haley was in character or not.

If this was later on in the comic I'd say no, but it's in character for when Haley couldn't talk.

[Dark Faun]

Phew.

Now, to write a sequel where V knocks up Haley. If ShinyDelusion's okay with it.

( Whee! I've always wanted to raise a half-human, quarter-elf, quarter-camel baby!)

[Zanaril]

Phew.

Now, to write a sequel where V knocks up Haley. If ShinyDelusion's okay with it.

Oh boy. That would be hard to explain to Elan if those two started dating afterwards...

Aww! Look at its little pointy ears! How long is it until babies get their adult ears?

Woah. Ninja'd!


Of course, we're assuming Elan has a knowledge of reproduction past the basic mechanics necessary...

[Dark Faun]

I'm not even sure he knows sex leads to babies.

[Zanaril]

I'm not even sure he knows sex leads to babies.

I think we can assume he has a vague idea. You know, the way most ten-year-olds have a vague idea.

[Aaron]

Did I mention that one of the most common veterinary surgeries is spay/neuter?

You know what this means, Coffee? Once we catch Cloask, you can practice your vet skills on him.

Edit: Hey Coffee, this video on cats may cheer you up. Everyone is welcome to watch it as well.

That was hilarious!

I'm catching a Ditto in the Teddiursa-only run and naming it Vaarsuvius.

It's purple-pink, genderless, and can have sex with ANY POKEMON THAT IS NOT A LEGENDARY.

It's perfect! Especially since V is the Village Bike in this thread.

*hobbles in on crutches*

Don't worry guys, Fiddler's worse off than me.

Need some healing spells?

[ShinyDelusion]

Haha, I knew half-halfling would win.

I'm glad I'm writing with a computer rather than with pen and paper, because if it was the latter, my paper would be illegible since drowned in tears.

Inspiration strikes rarely nowadays, so when it came with a continuation of ShinyDelusion's story, I didn't turn my nose up at it.

Spoiler

Show

After preventing Elan to further violate him or degrade the situation even more with a well-aimed Cone of Cold, Vaarsuvius found himself before Haley's door. Grief for his best friend wrestled with anger at the bard for making her so miserable all the while being too stupid to realize what he had just done in his mind as he softly knocked on the door.

"Miss Starshine?" the elf asked timidly.

His only reply was heart-breaking sobbing.

"Miss Starshine..." Vaarsuvius repeated as he slowly opened the thankfully unlocked door.

His best friend was sitting on the edge of her bed, face buried in her hands as she wept miserably and shook madly. He walked to her silently and gently put his hands on her shoulders when he reached her.

Haley lowered her hands from her face when she felt the touch and looked up. "J?" she uttered softly, visibly surprised he deigned to come to her. "Z vqicdy qrjp ouibu Z brvu'm wiiy puicwq siv hic!" she then said, choking back many tears.

"Miss Starshine," Vaarsuvius started soothingly, "I swear to the ancient elven god of knowledge and, most importantly, you, that it was not what it looked like."

Haley's crying doubled. "Ui! Yiu'm dzp mi lrop lp sppd epmmpn! Z yiu'm ypvpnjp zm!" She buried her face back in her hands as she began trembling even more. "Z upjpn yzy!"

Varsuvius didn't understand a word, but her sobs were answer enough. He firmly clasped her wrists and forced her hands away from her face. "Miss Starshine," he said softly before making a pause. "...Haley," he corrected. "Have I ever lied to you?"

Haley stopped shaking and sobbing as she looked right in his beautiful eyes. "Ui..."

He helped her off the bed. Haley stood up and, taller than the elf, looked down to see him smile softly. He let go of her hands to cup her face with his own.

"I would rather die one thousand deaths than hurt you," he said caringly as he tilted her head down and tiptoed to close tenderly the gap between their lips.

Haley's eyes widened but before long, they closed as she wrapped her arms around her best friend and pulled him closer, kissing back lovingly.

'Forget Elan,' she thought as she deepened the kiss, 'V's everything I need.'

Feels out of character and too mushy though.

I agree with Zanaril; it's mushy in a good way!

As for whether or not it was in character, V was definitely plenty close enough, and as far as Haley goes, since this was back when she was working through her "I'm not good enough" issues and she just saw something debatably traumatizing, I find her completely believable.

As for V knocking up Haley later... If you can live with disappointing Haley's Latent Bisexuality like that...

If/when I ever write my own continuation, I might consider trying to make it consistent with this bit. Either way, I'm glad my work could be an inspiration to you!

And that cat video was hysterical!

[Zanaril]

Need some healing spells?

Nah, I'll walk/crawl/tentacle it off.

[doliest]

Oh well, I know better than anyone that there can be ONLY ONE!
*Swings sword wildly*
In other news; IT'S ALMOST CHRISTMAS; I love CHRISTMAS, where my family gathers round the tree, opens presents and then goes into the next room to watch CHRISTMAS classics while eating traditional CHRISTMAS food like egg rolls and corn-on-the-cob.

[Zanaril]

Oh well, I know better than anyone that there can be ONLY ONE!

You still get brownie points* for writing more V/Darius. *hint*

*redeemable for Internet hugs