Portal 2: The Cake Is Still A Lie

[Kyouhen]

I'm going to vote that Aperture is doing the "Throw science at a wall" thing.

"Okay guys, we've built this portable black hole generator... Now what?"
"No clue! Why don't we give it to a person, stick them in a bunch of chambers to let them mess around with it, and see if we come up with something?"
"Good idea!"

This would explain how the boots came to exist. They tossed someone in a room with a really long drop and promptly killed them, so they started working on ways to not die from massive falls.

They wouldn't want Chell for testing because they want people to fail or give up. After all, how do you know what to improve if nobody fails and/or dies? Chell's just going to keep hammering her head against the wall until she breaks it down.

[chiasaur11]

Take a step back there. You know what would happen if Aperture Science Innovations got that sample instead?

Science! in the 70s. So we probably would get the Combine knocking on our door 30 years earlier. Cave Johnson would have shed a manly tear.

Tears?

Tears are for sissies! When life says you should cry, you take that tear and spit it in life's face! At Aperture Science, alien invasion isn't a threat, it's an opportunity!

An opportunity for exciting field tests. So, Astronaut, War Hero, or hideous Mantis Man, hop to it! The future of humanity is in your capable hands and or terrifying organic scythes.

[The_Final_Stand]

Actually, the Long Fall Boots came about due to a reproduceable human error problem of the Aperture Science Handheld Portal Device being broken after long falls. Keeping the human test subjects alive appears to be just a convenient side-effect.

Seen here.

[BRC]

An opportunity for exciting field tests. So, Astronaut, War Hero, or hideous Mantis Man, hop to it! The future of humanity is in your capable hands and or hideous organic scythes.

I may need to quote that.

[Kyouhen]

Actually, the Long Fall Boots came about due to a reproduceable human error problem of the Aperture Science Handheld Portal Device being broken after long falls. Keeping the human test subjects alive appears to be just a convenient side-effect.

Seen here.

Right! They made this awesome handheld portal device and didn't know what to do next. When people started carelessly failing to shield it with their bodies they realized the next step was to build the boots!

[dukexx]

Chiasaur, that really is an amazing quote. Do you mind if I steal it for a signature?

[Yana]

I concur with the above posters. You wouldn't happen to be a writer for Valve by any chance?

Oh, and I'd also like to put my name on the list for using that statement as a signature.

[Bayar]

Notice the resemblance ? Only one of them is a quantum tunneling device and the other is a quantum destabilizer weapon.

Probably the thing that Black Mesa stole from Aperture science...

[dromer]

Probably the thing that Black Mesa stole from Aperture science...

That would be a pretty hilarious twist if all Black Mesa did was take products from Aperture and turned them into weapons.

[littlebottom]

That would be a pretty hilarious twist if all Black Mesa did was take products from Aperture and turned them into weapons.

this cant be true or else black mesa would be flinging shower curtains at the enemy!

[dromer]

this cant be true or else black mesa would be flinging shower curtains at the enemy!

Very few people know that the origins of the Python Magnum involved espionage, meetings at midnight, and a briefcase full of shower curtains.

[The Linker]

I don't buy that Chell was kept in stasis because she had so much tenacity that she could pass the tests no matter how bad she was. Remember that most of those tests kill you. If she failed, she died. She doesn't have an auto-save like people playing the game. The Chell that you start playing at the beginning of Portal 2 is one that conquered every single test in Portal 1 without falling into acid, getting shot by turrets, or getting hit with an energy ball. Ever. At the end of Portal 2, you're playing a Chell who managed to escape -- in one try -- every trap laid by Wheatley or GLaD0S, and managed to defeat same with naught but her wits and a quantum space-hole maker. AND made it before the neurotoxin\reactor meltdown timer overtook her. She never failed once, or she would have died. She doesn't get rebuilt like those robots. She just dies.

She is not 'merely' tenacious. She has plenty of wits and intelligence. G-Man could do a lot with her, seeing what she's done in the Aperture Science labs.

[Draconi Redfir]

She is not 'merely' tenacious. She has plenty of wits and intelligence. G-Man could do a lot with her, seeing what she's done in the Aperture Science labs.

That or a lot of dumb luck, bullet holes, laser scars, and possibly a concussion or two.

[chiasaur11]

Chiasaur, that really is an amazing quote. Do you mind if I steal it for a signature?

Not in the slightest.

[The Linker]

That or a lot of dumb luck, bullet holes, laser scars, and possibly a concussion or two.

You could say that about any video game character, then. Gordan Freeman's no skilled, brave freedom fighter! He's just a dumb, lucky scientist whose luckiness was foretold by aliens.

[Draconi Redfir]

You could say that about any video game character, then. Gordan Freeman's no skilled, brave freedom fighter! He's just a dumb, lucky scientist whose luckiness was foretold by aliens.

Blasphemy! Gordon freeman is only the bravest, most noble character to ever exist! He is a hero! he is a legend! He is a father figure! He is the man who will lead Valve, and the entire PC gaming master race to salvation!

LONG LIVE FREEMAN! LONG LIVE CHELL! LONG LIVE VALVE!


ok i'm done.

[Worira]

You could say that about any video game character, then. Gordan Freeman's no skilled, brave freedom fighter! He's just a dumb, lucky scientist whose luckiness was foretold by aliens.

Ah, but Chell's bullet-sponge traits are among the best in vidjamagames. In nothing but a jumpsuit, she can take several seconds of automatic gunfire at a time (using the whole bullet, no less) and heal it almost instantly. Her regenerative abilities are up there with Alyx and Father Grigori, without the latter's inability to figure out how to move out of fires.

[BRC]

Really? The Whole bullet? That's like 60% more bullet, per bullet!

If you take those videos at their word, then the Turrets don't actually fire the bullet with gunpowder, they just knock it on the back really hard.

[Draconi Redfir]

Really? The Whole bullet? That's like 60% more bullet, per bullet!

If you take those videos at their word, then the Turrets don't actually fire the bullet with gunpowder, they just knock it on the back really hard.

They also have nothing but a giant pile of bullets inside them that doesent clog them up.

[dromer]

Don't know if anyone posted, but Valve made a test resolution style personality test.

[The Glyphstone]

I got Weighted Companion Cube.

[chiasaur11]

Atlas.

So, the thing to take away is that I am less than entirely psychotic.

[Worira]

Turret.

Ideal for testing with partners who are willing to inform me every 5 seconds that they are still there, and to stay in front of me at all times.

[Fluff & Napalm]

GlaDos. Oh dear. Watch out I might do something FOR SCIENCE!

[pffh]

Don't know if anyone posted, but Valve made a test resolution style personality test.

Cave Johnsson here.

If you suffer from temporary blindness after taking that test don't worry. The boys in the lab use radiation to measure your brain activity while testing. If it persists do start worrying, that's normal behaviour.

Cave Johnsson, we're done here.

[Mando Knight]

I got Chell. But now I've exceeded my limit on speech.

[Bayar]

Your Aperture Science Cooperative Testing Type is:
Cave Johnson

You don't see crises-only challengitunities you choose to scale like mountains. You're a can-do, shoot-from-the-hip, silver-tongued self-starter. You're a good match for any cooperative test partner, providing they shut up and listen.

We're done here.

[Draconi Redfir]

Atlas. was not expecting that.

[AgentPaper]

I wouldn't be surprised if that test only takes into account the color you wish your eyes were, and ignores everything else.

[smuchmuch]

Funny.

Ratman

You're the quiet, artistic type, happy to ponder the solution to a puzzle in quiet solitude. Compatible cooperative test partners include introspective loners, deaf-mute invisible people, and mannequins.

wasn't expecting that.

Just finished co-op, very entertaining.
But if I ever had doubt about Glados sadstic/murderous tendencies, they're gone.

Ah, but Chell's bullet-sponge traits are among the best in vidjamagames. In nothing but a jumpsuit, she can take several seconds of automatic gunfire at a time (using the whole bullet, no less) and heal it almost instantly.

(Knowing Glados I wouldn't be surprised if she used rubber bullets so her test subject can last longer (enough to get to the more interesting tests anyway.) You can still die from repeated blunt trauma and that would explain the overalllow damge/high stopping power ratio they have.