New OOTS products from CafePress
New OOTS t-shirts, ornaments, mugs, bags, and more
Page 31 of 51 FirstFirst ... 6212223242526272829303132333435363738394041 ... LastLast
Results 901 to 930 of 1516
  1. - Top - End - #901

    Default Re: Crack Pairings V - We Revel in Infamy

    Quote Originally Posted by Oooohaloophole View Post
    I finaly got that nobody here has any idea of realistic relationships
    We could do without the insults, thank you.
    It's been a bit, GitP. If you're reading this, you're either digging through old stuff, or I've posted for the first time in forever.

    If you want to stay in touch, reach out to me on twitter (same username).

    The best answer is always to ask your DM.
    Unless you're the DM, in which case you should talk to your players.

  2. - Top - End - #902
    Ogre in the Playground
     
    Zanaril's Avatar

    Join Date
    Nov 2006
    Location
    England

    Default Re: Crack Pairings V - We Revel in Infamy

    Quote Originally Posted by CoffeeIncluded View Post
    What about what she says in her sleep?
    I'd be interested in hearing what else she says in her sleep.
    This post may contain sarcasm.
    DeviantArt

  3. - Top - End - #903
    Colossus in the Playground
     
    CoffeeIncluded's Avatar

    Join Date
    Oct 2009
    Location
    New York
    Gender
    Female

    Default Re: Crack Pairings V - We Revel in Infamy

    Quote Originally Posted by Zanaril View Post
    I'd be interested in hearing what else she says in her sleep.
    Just take a look at my response back on the thread.

    Also, remember Discord's comic of it?

  4. - Top - End - #904
    Orc in the Playground
     
    ShinyDelusion's Avatar

    Join Date
    Nov 2009

    Default Re: Crack Pairings V - We Revel in Infamy

    Quote Originally Posted by Zanaril View Post
    I'd be interested in hearing what else she says in her sleep.
    Seconded. Perhaps someone should write a fic where one of the other characters is having insomnia and ends up, to their horror, hearing way more than they ever wanted to hear about what Janine dreams about...
    That's what she said.
    Susan Sto Helit avatar by Felyndiira.

  5. - Top - End - #905
    Colossus in the Playground
     
    CoffeeIncluded's Avatar

    Join Date
    Oct 2009
    Location
    New York
    Gender
    Female

    Default Re: Crack Pairings V - We Revel in Infamy

    Quote Originally Posted by ShinyDelusion View Post
    Seconded. Perhaps someone should write a fic where one of the other characters is having insomnia and ends up, to their horror, hearing way more than they ever wanted to hear about what Janine dreams about...
    I would enjoy that. Very much.

    Also, I posted this before and I'll post it again:

    Quote Originally Posted by CoffeeIncluded View Post
    Then again, it's not as if her ah, "temple" hasn't been, shall we say, "ransacked" before. I think that in Cleric terms, this is the only way to describe it.

  6. - Top - End - #906
    Banned
     
    Oooohaloophole's Avatar

    Join Date
    Dec 2009
    Location
    The Abyss (Kiev Ukrain)
    Gender
    Male

    Default Re: Crack Pairings V - We Revel in Infamy

    {Scrubbed}
    Last edited by Roland St. Jude; 2010-01-08 at 08:25 PM.

  7. - Top - End - #907
    Banned
     
    Oooohaloophole's Avatar

    Join Date
    Dec 2009
    Location
    The Abyss (Kiev Ukrain)
    Gender
    Male

    Default Re: Crack Pairings V - We Revel in Infamy

    If there is one thing i learned today is that forums cannot solve loneliness. {Scrubbed}
    Last edited by Roland St. Jude; 2010-01-08 at 10:06 PM.

  8. - Top - End - #908
    Dwarf in the Playground
     
    Dark_Stryke's Avatar

    Join Date
    Nov 2008
    Location
    Ontario, Canada
    Gender
    Male

    Default Re: Crack Pairings V - We Revel in Infamy

    Quote Originally Posted by Oooohaloophole View Post
    I finaly got that nobody here has any idea of realistic relationships
    Because a 14 year old knows so much.

    You know, people have been nothing but polite to you in this thread while you run around, mock their ideas, question their motivations, make fun of their work, start childish melodrama about lust for killing, and generally go about making an ass of yourself.

    You keep talking about "character development", and how everyone here doesn't know how to do it, but I think your major problem is that you don't like the way people are developing the characters. Just because Water-smurf decided V is a girl doesn't mean there has been no character development. There's been tons! I'm fairly certain you haven't even bothered to read all her stories. You've asked so many questions that her stories have very plainly answered, it leads me to wonder.

    And you know what's a neat trick? If you don't want to read about a pairing, skip it! You don't have to click any spoilers at all! If there's a pairing I don't want to see, like, Durkon/Shojo, for example, I'll simply skip it! If other people say it's really funny/well done/ whatever, I might go back later and read it, but I don't have to!

    You want stories with good character development? Fine, pick one that has multiple parts. Try Nathander's Miko/Therkla fic. It's four long chapters in and there's no romance at all. Tons of wonderful character development, though.

    There's a ton of good writing on this thread. Some of it is clearly only for humorous purposes, and there's nothing wrong with that. How could making others laugh be degrading? And yeah, some of the writing is sub-par. We're not all the next Tolkien. We're a group of nerds having fun. Now kindly stop kicking our metaphorical pens and either sit down and behave with the rest of the class or get out.

  9. - Top - End - #909
    Barbarian in the Playground
     
    Water-Smurf's Avatar

    Join Date
    Aug 2009
    Location
    Among the spiders
    Gender
    Female

    Default Re: Crack Pairings V - We Revel in Infamy

    Quote Originally Posted by CoffeeIncluded View Post
    So I suppose that the OOTS high school has dozens of these soundproofed music rooms?

    ...What horrors have I unleashed into this thread?
    You don't know what's going to be included in one of my future fics.

    That may be, but this is WAY too good to waste.
    I really need to make a list of priorities...

    Oh dear God.
    Behold, the horror of what rape and guilt does to people.

    I'm thinking of making a oneshot involving the elf with the molten eyes, V, and Reddy after this whole thing is over.

    Quote Originally Posted by ShinyDelusion View Post
    Liked your DarthV x Haley, Odor, especially the way you did the souls' dialogue.

    Wonderful work as per usual, Watersmurf, and since you said you were afraid some of the moments were getting a little too sweet, I'll admit that at a few points I was saying "d'aw, that's a little mushy", but I don't think any of those bits made the story less enjoyable, and hey, those two deserve a little extra sweetness.
    Which parts? I'm trying to learn what constitutes as 'mushy' for this thread.

    Now I can't stop picturing V's father (The blue-haired parent's name escapes me at the moment, sorry.) snuggling up to Aula while she reads to him from a children's book (and makes sure he can see all the pictures, of course). So adorable!
    It would be a dramatic reading, complete with funny voices and noises! :D :D

    Quote Originally Posted by Zanaril View Post
    I think everyone assumes you have a To-Do list where everything goes to be used eventually.
    Yeah... I should probably put that thing in writing...

    Well, we've already had twincest...
    Yes, but filial incest?

    ...Crap, get the images out of my head.

    Then again, as long as I don't imagine it having anything to do with my own parents, I'm not too squicked. Something tells me that I should rein my 'free love' philosophy in a little before it does anything else to me.

    What would it take for V to bring the subject up?

    And how would V react if the illusions started showing her Aegidius' friend?
    It would probably require Redcloak gently prying a little, the same way he did with the soldiers. She trusts him and is finding it increasingly difficult to hold back from him. She'd probably be really vague about it at first ("Someone simply made sure I was properly chastised about that suicidal elf.") then with a little extra nudging, she would admit that the 'punishment' was sexual in nature, but the whole time she'd insist point-blank that she had deserved it and there had been nothing wrong with it. Reddy would need to be really strategic the whole time, but she trusts him with more of herself than she has trusted anyone else, so he's probably the best person to talk to.

    As for her reaction, she'd probably just shut down. Let the owner of the molten eyes do whatever it wanted. She deserved it. Nothing he did could bring the hanged elf back, so he could punish her as he saw fit forever. That's why it would be a really bad thing for him to see Vaarsuvius again outside of illusions. He still hates her and she's still fragmented over the whole thing, though she's done a good job of sweeping it all under a rug and shoving it in a dark corner of her psyche. If he saw her someplace, he'd probably just grab her arm and drag her off someplace dark, and she wouldn't do anything to resist. I don't think I need to go into what he'd do.

    Such as the circumstances under which they met. No, he's not going to be happy with the idea of someone having keeping V prisoner, even if nothing particualy bad happened at Reddy's hands. That's before you get onto the whole being Evil thing.
    And Inky would probably get a little sore about it. ("Her jailer? She spread her legs for the damn jailer?!")

    And Aandy would be unamused. If V wasn't pregnant, he'd probably tell Reddy to hit the road, with a little magic backing him up. But they've got a kid on the way, so what can he do besides hand out a stern warning, really?

    Ooh, I forgot about the scars. And somehow I don't think saying "I haven't hurt her since I started sleeping with her!" would do much in Reddy's favour.
    He'd probably get a fireball to the face for his trouble. But note that Reddy's actually guilty about the marks. They're the niggling reminders for him that he could possibly turn Vaarsuvius and his unborn child into other Right-Eyes. If Aarindarius confronts him about it, it will be difficult for him to defend himself at all.

    How much do you think it would take for Aandy to actually threaten Reddy?
    I think all he really needs to hear is that Redcloak slashed up V's face, got her knocked up, had her nearly killed a few times, and that he is an evil goblin who was their enemy the whole time. Once he gets past the obligatory 'rape!' assumption, Reddy's probably going to have a lot of 'If you ever hurt her...'-esque threats thrown his way.

    *hands Water-Smurf a bucket of brain bleach and a scrubbing brush*

    Don't worry, we're well equipt to help people deal with that.
    I mean... it could work! Xykon fills up the roles of 'honest (if not good) role model' and 'dangerous rebellion enabler' in Tiasal's life, something that, provided that she hits puberty while still under his apprenticeship, would be very attractive to her. She's manipulative, ruthless, able to deal with hard truth, strong, resilient, independent, and not held by the silly 'they're my parents I should be loyal to them and hate you for killing them' constraints that all those other pathetic mice are. Xykon would find that extremely attractive. (I don't really buy that 'I'm not a biophiliac!' crack Xykon made. I think that was more a way to deter the creepy Theurge chick. Xykon wasn't a lich forever--he was born, raised, and hit puberty as a human. He's going to remain sexually attracted to what he was attracted to in life, presumably living human females, if his 'don't kidnap a virgin' comment in SoD has any bearing.)

    Dear God. I'm thinking of a way for a walking skeleton and a prepubescent girl to fall in lust. (Not love. Tiasal may feel obsession and/or passion and/or lust for him, but I can't see it ever turning into love. Ditto with Xykon, minus the obsession and passion part.)

    [Insert recent fight spanning two pages which is probably going to earn an infraction or two here]
    Come on, guys. This is a pairings thread. It's about love and sex and intimacy and passion. These topics are so sensitive and dear to our hearts that of course there's going to be disagreements. Let's just do our best to hold to the principles that sets love apart from everything else, okay? If we can't love everyone, then we can tolerate everyone. We can care.

    Spoiler
    Show

    The April Squickies Award for Best Crack Pairing Story


    Thank you so much to Kaytara for the avatar! It's of Redcloak's and Vaarsuvius's love child.

  10. - Top - End - #910
    Dwarf in the Playground
     
    RangerGuy

    Join Date
    Mar 2007
    Location
    Dallas, Texas
    Gender
    Male

    Default Re: Crack Pairings V - We Revel in Infamy

    Quote Originally Posted by Kyronea
    Incidentally, I want to agree with Raging Gene Ray. I've thoroughly enjoyed your writing because it's one of the few pieces of writing that gives Miko a solid chance for redemption without her dying first, which is a rare thing for her at best. I always felt her character was screwed over unfairly, and as such I'm glad to see at least someone can set things straight.
    Thank you very much. I've appreciated the comments and criticisms on my work immensely. I start college again next week, so I'll be slower in updating than I have been, but I'll hopefully be able to remain active both in writing and participation in this thread.

    Quote Originally Posted by Mariel Dragon
    I don't know if anyone already did this, but here is my HaleyxBelkar fic, titled "My Immortal"
    Amazing. Please, dear God, tell me you're going to try and cover all of it.

    By the way, a parody of a parody of poorly written fanfics? Now we're getting even more meta than necessary.

    Quote Originally Posted by Closak
    You see, Sabine and the ABD are competing with each other about who is the bigger slut.
    Neither. Crystal is the biggest slut. I have so proclaimed it, and so shall it be.

    A few things.

    1: Does anyone have any more to say about that mess?

    2: Dragons, they sleep with anything... *Points out that dragons are capable of breeding with anything*

    3: Air-born love potions in easily breakable glass bottles being used as projectiles = CHAOS!
    1) I loved it, honestly. Usually, highschool AUs are just lame little stories with everything that makes the characters interesting stripped away. Here, it's really just a reason for characters to be fornicating in tenderly caressing sound-proof music rooms. Music rooms that this school, apparently, has an abundance of.

    2) Then why won't they sleep with me?

    3) This is how we'll solve world problems. We throw a love potion into the U.N.

    Also, Yiuel, Sereg, and ShinyDelusion: your stories are great, as usual. I really can't wait for more of the Hinjo/Tsukiko story especially, Shiny.

    Also, I've edited part of chapter four of "Orphans" near the end to fix a contradiction with stated canon. Thank you to CoffeeIncluded for catching that mistake.
    Assistant Executioneer of the Fanclub

    Grunt Spearman of the Fanclub

  11. - Top - End - #911
    Orc in the Playground
     
    ShinyDelusion's Avatar

    Join Date
    Nov 2009

    Default Re: Crack Pairings V - We Revel in Infamy

    Quote Originally Posted by Water-Smurf View Post
    Which parts? I'm trying to learn what constitutes as 'mushy' for this thread.
    Well, do note that I can hardly hope speak for the whole thread (and wouldn't want to, considering what a disturbing little hive-mind the CrackFiccers would make if they were all stuffed into one brain), but I'd say this chunk and ones like it qualify:

    “Vaarsuvius, we all have wanted nothing less than for that bag of bones to be out of our family’s lives and that wretched Plan forgotten.” Every dead goblin in the room nodded in agreement. Redcloak shifted in embarrassment, but he knew the truth as well as any of them. “Anyone who can convince my nephew to do that—without even trying, no less!—has my wholehearted approval, no matter the species.” He crossed his legs, looking at Redcloak and arching an eyebrow. “Take good care of your family, kid. Your wife’s a catch and your daughter’s a blessing. Don’t lose them.”

    Vaarsuvius chuckled softly. “I assure you, you give me too much credit.”

    “Not enough.” Redcloak smiled lovingly at his wife, glancing over at his uncle with gratitude in his eye. “You don’t need to tell me that, Uncle. I know. I’m lucky I have her and Tia.”
    And, like I said, there's nothing bad about that bit at all. It's perfectly in character when considered with everything else of yours I've read (which doesn't encompass half of your work at the moment, I'm sorry to say, but I hope to read it all eventually) and therefore completely believable. Sometimes, in real life and in fiction, a moment is so good, sweet, or right that it has to be a bit mushy.

    Quote Originally Posted by Water-Smurf View Post
    It would be a dramatic reading, complete with funny voices and noises! :D :D
    That thought makes me squee a little.

    Quote Originally Posted by Nathander View Post
    Also, Yiuel, Sereg, and ShinyDelusion: your stories are great, as usual. I really can't wait for more of the Hinjo/Tsukiko story especially, Shiny.
    And that makes me squee a lot. Thank you!
    That's what she said.
    Susan Sto Helit avatar by Felyndiira.

  12. - Top - End - #912
    Colossus in the Playground
     
    CoffeeIncluded's Avatar

    Join Date
    Oct 2009
    Location
    New York
    Gender
    Female

    Default Re: Crack Pairings V - We Revel in Infamy

    Quote Originally Posted by ShinyDelusion View Post
    Seconded. Perhaps someone should write a fic where one of the other characters is having insomnia and ends up, to their horror, hearing way more than they ever wanted to hear about what Janine dreams about...
    Please do this.

    Quote Originally Posted by Dark_Stryke View Post
    Because a 14 year old knows so much.

    You know, people have been nothing but polite to you in this thread while you run around, mock their ideas, question their motivations, make fun of their work, start childish melodrama about lust for killing, and generally go about making an ass of yourself.

    You keep talking about "character development", and how everyone here doesn't know how to do it, but I think your major problem is that you don't like the way people are developing the characters. Just because Water-smurf decided V is a girl doesn't mean there has been no character development. There's been tons! I'm fairly certain you haven't even bothered to read all her stories. You've asked so many questions that her stories have very plainly answered, it leads me to wonder.

    And you know what's a neat trick? If you don't want to read about a pairing, skip it! You don't have to click any spoilers at all! If there's a pairing I don't want to see, like, Durkon/Shojo, for example, I'll simply skip it! If other people say it's really funny/well done/ whatever, I might go back later and read it, but I don't have to!

    You want stories with good character development? Fine, pick one that has multiple parts. Try Nathander's Miko/Therkla fic. It's four long chapters in and there's no romance at all. Tons of wonderful character development, though.

    There's a ton of good writing on this thread. Some of it is clearly only for humorous purposes, and there's nothing wrong with that. How could making others laugh be degrading? And yeah, some of the writing is sub-par. We're not all the next Tolkien. We're a group of nerds having fun. Now kindly stop kicking our metaphorical pens and either sit down and behave with the rest of the class or get out.
    ...Exactly what I've been thinking. I shall say no more on the subject because I really don't want to start a fight.

    And Water-Smurf? You know what's funny?

    All this could have been avoided if V had just told her parents not to do stuff like that around her.

  13. - Top - End - #913
    Orc in the Playground
     
    ShinyDelusion's Avatar

    Join Date
    Nov 2009

    Default Re: Crack Pairings V - We Revel in Infamy

    Alright, Coffee, I shall get on it soon. The only question is who will be the (un)lucky listener...? Or maybe everyone's heard a little by the time the sun comes up...
    That's what she said.
    Susan Sto Helit avatar by Felyndiira.

  14. - Top - End - #914
    Halfling in the Playground
     
    Lawyergoblin's Avatar

    Join Date
    Nov 2009
    Gender
    Male

    Default Re: Crack Pairings V - We Revel in Infamy

    Soooooooo...
    Anybody got any ideas for my Redcloak-Celia, I'm stuck.
    Please help me.
    Last edited by Lawyergoblin; 2010-01-08 at 10:41 PM.

  15. - Top - End - #915
    Colossus in the Playground
     
    CoffeeIncluded's Avatar

    Join Date
    Oct 2009
    Location
    New York
    Gender
    Female

    Default Re: Crack Pairings V - We Revel in Infamy

    Quote Originally Posted by ShinyDelusion View Post
    Alright, Coffee, I shall get on it soon. The only question is who will be the (un)lucky listener...? Or maybe everyone's heard a little by the time the sun comes up...
    Well, Radic and Janine are friends. Nothing Radic's not used to.

    Lloyd's the object of Janine's affections.

    Matt's the official cosmic plaything.

    Surprise me!

  16. - Top - End - #916
    Orc in the Playground
     
    ShinyDelusion's Avatar

    Join Date
    Nov 2009

    Default Re: Crack Pairings V - We Revel in Infamy

    Quote Originally Posted by Lawyergoblin View Post
    Soooooooo...
    Anybody got any ideas for my Redcloak-Celia, I'm stuck.
    Please help me.
    Let's see, if I'm remembering right, that's the one where things went differently and Red's on trial and Celia's his lawyer, yes? And the premise is they met and developed chemistry back in Dorukon's dungeon?

    How about a flashback to the day they met?

    Quote Originally Posted by CoffeeIncluded View Post
    Well, Radic and Janine are friends. Nothing Radic's not used to.

    Lloyd's the object of Janine's affections.

    Matt's the official cosmic plaything.

    Surprise me!
    So it would be realistic for Radic to wake up, hear a little, mutter "What, again?" and just go back to sleep?
    That's what she said.
    Susan Sto Helit avatar by Felyndiira.

  17. - Top - End - #917
    Colossus in the Playground
     
    CoffeeIncluded's Avatar

    Join Date
    Oct 2009
    Location
    New York
    Gender
    Female

    Default Re: Crack Pairings V - We Revel in Infamy

    Quote Originally Posted by ShinyDelusion View Post
    Let's see, if I'm remembering right, that's the one where things went differently and Red's on trial and Celia's his lawyer, yes? And the premise is they met and developed chemistry back in Dorukon's dungeon?

    How about a flashback to the day they met?



    So it would be realistic for Radic to wake up, hear a little, mutter "What, again?" and just go back to sleep?
    Yeah, pretty much.

    (Take a look at my newest update though. It's got to be a bit before the newest comic.)

  18. - Top - End - #918
    Orc in the Playground
     
    ShinyDelusion's Avatar

    Join Date
    Nov 2009

    Default Re: Crack Pairings V - We Revel in Infamy

    Quote Originally Posted by CoffeeIncluded View Post
    Yeah, pretty much.

    (Take a look at my newest update though. It's got to be a bit before the newest comic.)
    Yeah, I saw it. I was planning on setting it on "some random night" (which I guess would technically put it in the future since it's not that night) since your comic isn't long enough to have a fic occuring on "some random night during the <story> Arc" yet. I'll write it first and then decide if it would fit in before that comic (and if there's potential for a funny "Later that morning" scene).
    Last edited by ShinyDelusion; 2010-01-08 at 10:57 PM.
    That's what she said.
    Susan Sto Helit avatar by Felyndiira.

  19. - Top - End - #919
    Colossus in the Playground
     
    CoffeeIncluded's Avatar

    Join Date
    Oct 2009
    Location
    New York
    Gender
    Female

    Default Re: Crack Pairings V - We Revel in Infamy

    Quote Originally Posted by ShinyDelusion View Post
    Yeah, I saw it. I was planning on setting it on "some random night" (which I guess would technically put it in the future since it's not that night) since your comic isn't long enough to have a fic occuring on "some random night during the <story> Arc". I'll write it first and then decide if it would fit in before that comic (and if there's potential for a funny "Later that morning" scene).
    Alright! And thank you!

  20. - Top - End - #920
    Orc in the Playground
     
    ShinyDelusion's Avatar

    Join Date
    Nov 2009

    Default Re: Crack Pairings V - We Revel in Infamy

    No problem! I'm sure it will be even more fun than my Belkar/Matt fic.

    And that was fun...
    That's what she said.
    Susan Sto Helit avatar by Felyndiira.

  21. - Top - End - #921
    Colossus in the Playground
     
    CoffeeIncluded's Avatar

    Join Date
    Oct 2009
    Location
    New York
    Gender
    Female

    Default Re: Crack Pairings V - We Revel in Infamy

    Quote Originally Posted by ShinyDelusion View Post
    No problem! I'm sure it will be even more fun than my Belkar/Matt fic.

    And that was fun...
    So, if I'm not too rude to ask, when may I be expecting this?

  22. - Top - End - #922
    Orc in the Playground
     
    ShinyDelusion's Avatar

    Join Date
    Nov 2009

    Default Re: Crack Pairings V - We Revel in Infamy

    Quote Originally Posted by CoffeeIncluded View Post
    So, if I'm not too rude to ask, when may I be expecting this?
    I theoretically don't have much to do this weekend, so probably tomorrow afternoon or Sunday.
    That's what she said.
    Susan Sto Helit avatar by Felyndiira.

  23. - Top - End - #923
    Colossus in the Playground
     
    CoffeeIncluded's Avatar

    Join Date
    Oct 2009
    Location
    New York
    Gender
    Female

    Default Re: Crack Pairings V - We Revel in Infamy

    Quote Originally Posted by ShinyDelusion View Post
    I theoretically don't have much to do this weekend, so probably tomorrow afternoon or Sunday.
    Yay!

    *Eagerly waits*

  24. - Top - End - #924
    Orc in the Playground
     
    ShinyDelusion's Avatar

    Join Date
    Nov 2009

    Default Re: Crack Pairings V - We Revel in Infamy

    Quote Originally Posted by CoffeeIncluded View Post
    Yay!

    *Eagerly waits*
    You do that. I'm off to bed now. Night night!
    That's what she said.
    Susan Sto Helit avatar by Felyndiira.

  25. - Top - End - #925
    Ettin in the Playground
     
    Sstoopidtallkid's Avatar

    Join Date
    Nov 2007
    Location
    Texas...for now
    Gender
    Male

    Default Re: Crack Pairings V - We Revel in Infamy

    Several things(and I'm forgetting some), since this thread gained 4 pages over 24 hours:
    Redcloak and V are, in the "Meet the Parents" story, a pair of Epic-level casters. If they want to kick out 2 pervy ghosts, they will, and the ghosts won't even be able to look at that region of the world until V and Reddy let them. And the ghosts probably know this.
    Ding, dong, the troll is gone.
    Xykon/Tiasal doesn't strike me as impossible, given the circumstances, but it does strike me as a quick way to make Redcloak try to kill him, not to mention making the pervy cleric revolt.
    My laptop comes back tomorrow(assuming nothing else goes wrong), meaning my next story should be up in a couple days.
    [/sarcasm]
    FAQ is not RAW!
    Avatar by the incredible CrimsonAngel.
    Saph:It's surprising how many problems can be solved by one druid spell combined with enough aggression.
    I play primarily 3.5 D&D. Most of my advice will be based off of this. If my advice doesn't apply, specify a version in your post.

  26. - Top - End - #926
    Barbarian in the Playground
     
    Devixer's Avatar

    Join Date
    Sep 2009
    Location
    I go places

    Default Re: Crack Pairings V - We Revel in Infamy

    Quote Originally Posted by The Dark Fiddler View Post
    Which only furthers my "Hotel California is about the Crack Pairings Thread" theory. Dear god, somebody sig this!
    Consider it done.

    Anyway, here's my first pairing. I'm not particularly confident in it, but I do appreciate comments.


    Spoiler
    Show
    Haley sat at the counter of a tavern, quietly drinking a cold glass of Dwarven Ale. It wasn't very often when she got a moment like this to herself, and she wanted to savor it as much as possible before Roy called for yet another meeting to discuss "tactics." Grimly staring at the bottom of the now-empty mug, she ordered another glass. Soon enough, that would also be empty. After a few minutes, the doors to the tavern opened and a drow walked in. At first, Haley was quite indifferent, hoping he would just ignore her. After she got a better look, though, she sprang out of her barstool and grabbed her bow.

    "You! What the hell are you doing here?"

    Zz'dtri glanced at Haley with a rather weary look on his face. "First place I came to. Didn't know you were here."

    "You have to have a better excuse than that. Why shouldn't I think you're here with the Linear Guild?"

    He put his hands up just below his shoulders, saying, "Not with Guild anymore. Just came for a drink. Don't want trouble."

    Haley considered his words for a few moments, made a quick Sense Motive check, and then lowered her bow. The drow was either very good with his Bluff skill, or he was being truthful. She sat again and returned to her ale. Zz'dtri went to the interestingly unfazed barkeep and asked for his own glass of ale, as well as a room key for the night. The two of them sat at the bar for a long, silent, and awkward moment. Eventually, Haley broke the silence.

    "So... I thought you were taken away by those lawyers. How did you get away?"

    Zz'dtri shrugged. "Wasn't hard. Still had spells left."

    "And you tried to find Nale and the rest of the Linear Guild after escaping, right?"

    He shook his head. "Never really liked them. Only went with them because they paid me."

    Haley smiled a little. That was certainly something she could identify with. "You don't say. But why, if I may ask, didn't you like them?"

    "They were stupid. Especially Nale. Glad to be rid of them."

    Haley didn't really know why, but she couldn't help but laugh at that particular statement (Perhaps their newfound mutual loathing of Nale was a part of it.) Even Zz'dtri smiled, if only by the loosest sense of the term and only for half a second. The rogue somehow felt like any former animosity between the two of them had rapidly dissolved, leaving only a friendly atmosphere between acquaintances, though that was also changing at a steady pace. They continued conversing for a long time, bringing each other up to speed on their travels and what they had done. It was a long time before either of them noticed they both had been creeping closer and closer to each other. And even then, it didn't really matter to either.

    After about an hour and a half of this strange ritual, a combination of friendly conversation and slowly edging towards each other, Haley asked, "Um... How long are you going to stay here?" By now, their hands were less than a centimeter from touching.

    "Leaving tomorrow."

    "Really? You can't stay?"

    "Can, but won't."

    "Oh, I see." Haley hung her head a little, and Zz'dtri adopted a concerned look. "Something wrong?"

    "It's just..." she sighed. "I'm going to be here for a while, and it's been a long time since I've had someone new to talk to. And if you're going to be gone tomorrow..." It was the worst Bluff check Haley had ever made in her life.

    Zz'dtri, however, was willing to play along. In a rare taking of initiative, he took the rogue's hand in his own, any pretense of stealth gone. "Could make tonight worth remembering."

    While at first, Haley was shocked, a small smile soon began to creep across her face. Almost in a trance, she got up and allowed the drow to lead her by the hand to the room he'd just booked. Nobody noticed the very unlikely couple making their way into one of the rooms. In a way, neither did they. Zz'dtri didn't really notice much as he locked the door and took Haley into his arms. Haley missed several details when she locked lips with the drow. The rest of the night passed in something of a frenzy.

    The next morning, however, was a different story entirely. When the two woke up entangled with each other on the bed, there was nothing they didn't notice. No detail they didn't absorb. They wanted to burn this scene into their memories, and never forget it. The main detail that they saw was that they both were content. Yes, it was short-lived. Soon enough, Zz'dtri would have to be on his way, but as long as the two of them had a few more minutes together, they would be happy.
    Last edited by Devixer; 2010-01-11 at 11:13 PM.

  27. - Top - End - #927
    Dwarf in the Playground
     
    Dark_Stryke's Avatar

    Join Date
    Nov 2008
    Location
    Ontario, Canada
    Gender
    Male

    Default Re: Crack Pairings V - We Revel in Infamy

    Hey all, just got back from seeing Sherlock Holmes. It was quite entertaining.


    Back on topic, here's some more of "It All Started With A Kiss". I think I'll probably pick up Roy/Miko again soon, though.

    Spoiler
    Show
    As Roy, Elan, and Belkar began an argument about shivving people (Roy relying on his knowledge of combat, Belkar on his knowledge of murder, and Elan on his rather brief stint in prison), Haley sat bored in her cell with V. The elf was pacing back and forth, muttering quietly about "inconceivable" this and "impossible magic" that.

    "Copper piece for your thoughts?" Haley asked, snickering a little as V tripped and nearly face planted mid-stride. Evidently the mighty wizard had forgotton about the rogue.

    "Ah, ah, miss Starshine, I had forgotten you were here." Vaarsuvius explained, obviously embarrassed.

    "Don't sweat it, V. Unnoticed is how we rogues like it. So, I'll ask again, copper piece for your thoughts?" Haley flashed the elf a winning smile. She could be quite flirtatious when she wanted to, and right now she was bored and more than a little lonely. V had never reacted to her before, but, she had nothing else to do at present.

    "I hardly see how a meager copper piece could help with our current predicament, nor any other for that matter." Vaarsuivius sniffed matter-of-factly.

    Haley rolled her eyes. "It's one of those human figures of speech you hate so much. It means I've noticed you're thinking very hard, and I'm interested in hearing what you're thinking about." She swung her legs as she talked, dangling them a few inches off the ground as she sat on her bunk.

    Vaarsuvius's face crinkled briefly at the mention of a much hated human turn of phrase, which only made Haley grin internally. Getting under V's skin was easy if you knew which buttons to push. And she did. The elf wavered for a moment, seemingly torn between explaining whatever had been on that massive mind, or ranting about the stupidity of human figures of speech. The former won out. "You see, miss Starshine, I am attempting to discern how that doddering idiot Entresi managed to create a curse of such massive complexity."

    Haley tapped a finger to the side of her head, thinking. "Well, after Roy put about three feet of steel in him, he did have enough breath left to mumble his 'dying curse'. And he pointed kind of vaguely-"

    "Well, one assumes he was aiming for Roy, but the massive blood loss coupled with his own inferior hand-eye coordination caused his finger to waver-"

    "-And point at you." Haley finished. "Yeah, I remember."

    "Precisely. however, Durkon and I scanned both Roy and myself for harmful magics and discovered none. As an extra precaution, we subjected ourselves to multiple targetted dispelings to make absolutely sure. However, his curse remained." The wiard let out an unhappy sigh. "And I just cannot figure out how. Or rather, I can, but how he managed to pass it on to a person who was miles away and, to the best of my knowledge, he had never met, astounds me."

    Haley took her hands away from her face and began drumming her fingers on her bunk. She often fidgetted when she was thinking hard, a bad habit that she was glad Roy never picked up on in their poker games. "Back up a moment there, V." She said. "You know how Entresi got that curse past all your detections and dispels?"

    "Well, I assume I do." V said a little haughtily. "It is difficult, but I believe not beyond the scope of Entresi's abilities, marginal though they were. I think he created a curse that would lay dormant until a specific trigger was met. It would only give off the faintest magical signal, and would be virtually impossible to dispel. However, the part I cannot fathom is how he transfered it to that baron's spawn-"

    "Casey."

    "-whatever. The point is, he made a curse that somehow found its way to that noblewoman, and was triggered by the action of the person he actually cast the curse on. The sheer mechanics of it are mindblowing!" The elf railed, throwing up a pair of delicate hands. "I have calculated, to the best of my ability, the ranges and effects involved in such a casting and have concluded it would require powerful epic magic! It is far beyond that wretch's ability and I can't! figure! it out!" Vaarsuvius ended with a wail, which momentarily silenced the argument in the other cell. It quickly resumed, however.

    The pace of Haley's drumming fingers quickened. She smelled a rat. "You know, V, what if that big light show was all just a trick?"

    The elf raised one eyebrow. "What are you suggesting?"

    "What if this was a bait and switch? Entresi makes out like he cursed the first person you kissed, when in reality, it's you who was cursed all along. Everyone's efforts focus on Casey, and meanwhile, the actual recipient of the curse, you, is none the wiser." Haley finished triumphantly.

    Vaarsuvius blinked twice in rapid succession. "Yes, yes! That explains everything! The so called 'hidden' curse is within the realm of Entresi's talents, as I previously mentioned. A simple illusion triggered at the same time as the curse, and he fools all of us. It's so simple!" The elf grinned a little manically before suddenly deflating. "But... but, how can I test this hypothesis without access to the proper magic? I am without my spellbooks or the proper spells, which leaves me exactly where I was."

    Haley grinned impishly. "I've got an easy way to test the theory. Vaarsuvius, I want you to kiss me."

    Dead silence radiated from the adjacent cell.

    "I-I beg your pardon, miss Starshine?" Vaarsuvius stammered.

    "I want you to kiss me. It doesn't matter where. Just do it."

    "I can suggest a few places!" Belkar called from the next room.

    "Shut up, Belkar!" Haley and Roy said at the exact same time.

    "Haley?" A voice called hesitantly from the other cell. "It's Elan, your boyfriend. Now, I've done hard time before, and I know it changes a man, and I guess it changes a girl too. But I just want you to know that these feelings you're having are just the result of your long isolation, and that I don't think you should give in to your urges."

    "I... that's sweet of you, Elan, really." Haley replied. "However, I'm just doing this to help V figure out Entresi's curse."

    "Oh, I guess that's okay then."

    "Oh sure, she says that now, but when she's tongue-deep in the elf's mouth, she'll think differently." Belkar growled.

    "Aye, you would know, ye deranged little halfwit." Durkon muttered, the first he'd spoken since their imprisonment.

    "Durkon!" Vaarsuvius shouted, aghast, as the rest of the order began to voice questions.

    "I mean, nah, forget I said anythin'. Tis for V to tell, not me."

    The elf placed delicate fingers against aching temples and began to rub slowly. "I do not wish to deal with this particular bit of drama at present. Miss Starshine, if you would come here?"

    "Not the best proposal I've ever heard, but I'll accept nonetheless." Haley said with a wink. The humor was apparently lost on the elf, who just blinked confusedly in response. She rolled her eyes as she hopped off the bunk, leaning her face in and presenting a cheek to Vaarsuvius who, after a moment's hesitation, gave it a delicate peck.

    There was no insane laughter or glowing smoke this time, for which Haley was thankful. However, there was a change. As a rogue, she was well trained in using her body as a tool, if not a weapon. She knew her exact height and weight, she knew how far she could jump, how high she could climb, how fast she could run, and every other bit of information about herself that had kept her alive all these years. So when her body began to change, she knew about it.

    She felt as her center of gravity shifted as more of her weight became distributed in the upper areas of her body. She felt an uncomfortable tightness in her dress as her shoulders expanded, and an odd looseness as her hips melted. Worst of all was the sudden and great discomfort in her lacy undergarments. "Ahem. Oh my. Wow." She gasped, slightly disoriented. She was almost disappointed to find that her voice had barely dropped. She sounded nearly like she normally did. "This'll take some getting used to."

    Vaarsuvius looked the former girl up and down. "Did it work?" The elf asked.

    "You don't know?" Haley replied. "Come on, my dress is nearly bursting across the shoulders, my hips are gone, and my voice is deeper, to name a few things."

    "So...?" Vaarsuvius ventured.

    "Of course it worked!" Haley thundered. "Oh, wow, did I really get angry that fast? This'll really take some getting used to."

    "So Haley, you're a man now?" Belkar yelled.

    "More of a man than you'll ever be. Of course, in that respect, nothing has changed since we've met, has it?" Haley shot back.

    "WHAT?!" Belkar snarled ferally. The elf and the rogue heard a series of metalic thuds as he threw himself against his bars. "I'll rip your freakin' face off you snarky son of a bitch! You don't even have hotness to hold me back anymore, so don't think I won't!" A moment later, his hands appeared, clawing at the wall between their cells and wriggling at the bars.

    Haley leaned in close to Vaarsuvius. "You know what you have to do now, right? Kiss his hand while he's clawing like that. It'll be good for a laugh."

    "Miss Starshine, I have always enjoyed your particular way of thinking." Vaarsuvius replied by way of agreement. As V crept to the front of the cell, a second pair of hands appeared, grappling with Belkar's.

    "Belkar, knock it off!" Roy barked, prying at the ornery halfling's hands. "I've got a size bonus to grapple checks, stop - oof! my ribs! - stop resisting!"

    "Bite me, Roy. I'm gonna claw my way over there and kick Haley's newly male ass!" Belkar ranted. "Show her who the bigger man is!"

    Vaarsuvius bent in close to the flailing pairs of hands, trying to plant a kiss on Belkar's small pale ones without touching Roy's large dark ones. Of course, just as the elf leaned in, Belkar managed to swat one of Roy's hands directly onto the elf's mouth. There was an audible *smeck* as the hand came away from the elf's lips, followed by a sudden cry of horror from Roy.

    After the wordless shriek, silence reigned over both cells for a few fleeting moments. Finally, Elan spoke up. "Roy has boobies." He stated matter of factly.

    "N-no!" A feminine voice that could only belong to Roy wailed. "Not again! Not again!"

    "Hey hot stuff!" Belkar suddenly growled lecherously. "Couldn't get enough of the Belkster, could you? Don't know what you did with Roy or that gorgeous mop of blond tresses, but I'm willing to let it slide. Gimme some sugar, baby!"

    "Oh gods, no!" Roy cried. "Belkar you horny little idiot, it's me, Roy! It's always been me! Keep your filthy hands off me!"

    Surprisingly, Belkar started laughing. A hearty, joyful laughter that seemed to fill the entire dungeon. "Oh yeah, I knew that all along. I was just screwing with you. Your face is freakin' priceless!"

    What followed was a sound of inarticulate rage from Roy, followed by the clang of a body - presumably Belkar's - striking the bars of the cell at high speed. It didn't stop the halfling from laughing. Soon, Durkon was laughing as well. Then Elan. Next Haley caught it, and even Vaarsuvius began to chuckle. Last and almost grudgingly, the newly female Roy began to giggle, the sound of which sent the group into even greater gales of laughter. For more than a minute, the group laughed. At their situation, at their screwed up world. But mostly they just laughed.

    When the laughter finally died down, Durkon cleared his throat. "Wait lads. If Vaarsuvius c'n do tha' curse thing, don't tha' mean we're naw in n' antimagic cell?"

    In the silence that followed, a pin drop would have seemed defeaning. "Sonofabitch." Roy groaned. "Are we really so stupid that nobody checked? Vaarsuvius?"

    "Light." The elf replied, touching a random pebble, which instantly began to shed a magical glow. "My magic seems to be functioning normally, Roy. It appears we have been vastly underestimated."

    Haley could almost hear the wolfish smile in Roy's next words. "Okay gang, new plan. We're busting the hell out of here. Someone give me an idea as to how."


    Edit: Dark Apprentice: Your fic was interesting. You've definitely got writing skill, and Zzd'tri was well done. We don't see enough of that guy in this thread. I think you could have gone into a little more detail about why Haley was so interested in spending the night with a drow, but I could certainly see her as the one night stand type, so it's not like she was completely out of character or anything. Good job, keep it up!
    Last edited by Dark_Stryke; 2010-01-09 at 02:28 AM.

  28. - Top - End - #928
    Barbarian in the Playground
     
    Devixer's Avatar

    Join Date
    Sep 2009
    Location
    I go places

    Default Re: Crack Pairings V - We Revel in Infamy

    Quote Originally Posted by Dark_Stryke View Post
    Hey all, just got back from seeing Sherlock Holmes. It was quite entertaining.


    Back on topic, here's some more of "It All Started With A Kiss". I think I'll probably pick up Roy/Miko again soon, though.

    Spoiler
    Show
    As Roy, Elan, and Belkar began an argument about shivving people (Roy relying on his knowledge of combat, Belkar on his knowledge of murder, and Elan on his rather brief stint in prison), Haley sat bored in her cell with V. The elf was pacing back and forth, muttering quietly about "inconceivable" this and "impossible magic" that.

    "Copper piece for your thoughts?" Haley asked, snickering a little as V tripped and nearly face planted mid-stride. Evidently the mighty wizard had forgotton about the rogue.

    "Ah, ah, miss Starshine, I had forgotten you were here." Vaarsuvius explained, obviously embarrassed.

    "Don't sweat it, V. Unnoticed is how we rogues like it. So, I'll ask again, copper piece for your thoughts?" Haley flashed the elf a winning smile. She could be quite flirtatious when she wanted to, and right now she was bored and more than a little lonely. V had never reacted to her before, but, she had nothing else to do at present.

    "I hardly see how a meager copper piece could help with our current predicament, nor any other for that matter." Vaarsuivius sniffed matter-of-factly.

    Haley rolled her eyes. "It's one of those human figures of speech you hate so much. It means I've noticed you're thinking very hard, and I'm interested in hearing what you're thinking about." She swung her legs as she talked, dangling them a few inches off the ground as she sat on her bunk.

    Vaarsuvius's face crinkled briefly at the mention of a much hated human turn of phrase, which only made Haley grin internally. Getting under V's skin was easy if you knew which buttons to push. And she did. The elf wavered for a moment, seemingly torn between explaining whatever had been on that massive mind, or ranting about the stupidity of human figures of speech. The former won out. "You see, miss Starshine, I am attempting to discern how that doddering idiot Entresi managed to create a curse of such massive complexity."

    Haley tapped a finger to the side of her head, thinking. "Well, after Roy put about three feet of steel in him, he did have enough breath left to mumble his 'dying curse'. And he pointed kind of vaguely-"

    "Well, one assumes he was aiming for Roy, but the massive blood loss coupled with his own inferior hand-eye coordination caused his finger to waver-"

    "-And point at you." Haley finished. "Yeah, I remember."

    "Precisely. however, Durkon and I scanned both Roy and myself for harmful magics and discovered none. As an extra precaution, we subjected ourselves to multiple targetted dispelings to make absolutely sure. However, his curse remained." The wiard let out an unhappy sigh. "And I just cannot figure out how. Or rather, I can, but how he managed to pass it on to a person who was miles away and, to the best of my knowledge, he had never met, astounds me."

    Haley took her hands away from her face and began drumming her fingers on her bunk. She often fidgetted when she was thinking hard, a bad habit that she was glad Roy never picked up on in their poker games. "Back up a moment there, V." She said. "You know how Entresi got that curse past all your detections and dispels?"

    "Well, I assume I do." V said a little haughtily. "It is difficult, but I believe not beyond the scope of Entresi's abilities, marginal though they were. I think he created a curse that would lay dormant until a specific trigger was met. It would only give off the faintest magical signal, and would be virtually impossible to dispel. However, the part I cannot fathom is how he transfered it to that baron's spawn-"

    "Casey."

    "-whatever. The point is, he made a curse that somehow found its way to that noblewoman, and was triggered by the action of the person he actually cast the curse on. The sheer mechanics of it are mindblowing!" The elf railed, throwing up a pair of delicate hands. "I have calculated, to the best of my ability, the ranges and effects involved in such a casting and have concluded it would require powerful epic magic! It is far beyond that wretch's ability and I can't! figure! it out!" Vaarsuvius ended with a wail, which momentarily silenced the argument in the other cell. It quickly resumed, however.

    The pace of Haley's drumming fingers quickened. She smelled a rat. "You know, V, what if that big light show was all just a trick?"

    The elf raised one eyebrow. "What are you suggesting?"

    "What if this was a bait and switch? Entresi makes out like he cursed the first person you kissed, when in reality, it's you who was cursed all along. Everyone's efforts focus on Casey, and meanwhile, the actual recipient of the curse, you, is none the wiser." Haley finished triumphantly.

    Vaarsuvius blinked twice in rapid succession. "Yes, yes! That explains everything! The so called 'hidden' curse is within the realm of Entresi's talents, as I previously mentioned. A simple illusion triggered at the same time as the curse, and he fools all of us. It's so simple!" The elf grinned a little manically before suddenly deflating. "But... but, how can I test this hypothesis without access to the proper magic? I am without my spellbooks or the proper spells, which leaves me exactly where I was."

    Haley grinned impishly. "I've got an easy way to test the theory. Vaarsuvius, I want you to kiss me."

    Dead silence radiated from the adjacent cell.

    "I-I beg your pardon, miss Starshine?" Vaarsuvius stammered.

    "I want you to kiss me. It doesn't matter where. Just do it."

    "I can suggest a few places!" Belkar called from the next room.

    "Shut up, Belkar!" Haley and Roy said at the exact same time.

    "Haley?" A voice called hesitantly from the other cell. "It's Elan, your boyfriend. Now, I've done hard time before, and I know it changes a man, and I guess it changes a girl too. But I just want you to know that these feelings you're having are just the result of your long isolation, and that I don't think you should give in to your urges."

    "I... that's sweet of you, Elan, really." Haley replied. "However, I'm just doing this to help V figure out Entresi's curse."

    "Oh, I guess that's okay then."

    "Oh sure, she says that now, but when she's tongue-deep in the elf's mouth, she'll think differently." Belkar growled.

    "Aye, you would know, ye deranged little halfwit." Durkon muttered, the first he'd spoken since their imprisonment.

    "Durkon!" Vaarsuvius shouted, aghast, as the rest of the order began to voice questions.

    "I mean, nah, forget I said anythin'. Tis for V to tell, not me."

    The elf placed delicate fingers against aching temples and began to rub slowly. "I do not wish to deal with this particular bit of drama at present. Miss Starshine, if you would come here?"

    "Not the best proposal I've ever heard, but I'll accept nonetheless." Haley said with a wink. The humor was apparently lost on the elf, who just blinked confusedly in response. She rolled her eyes as she hopped off the bunk, leaning her face in and presenting a cheek to Vaarsuvius who, after a moment's hesitation, gave it a delicate peck.

    There was no insane laughter or glowing smoke this time, for which Haley was thankful. However, there was a change. As a rogue, she was well trained in using her body as a tool, if not a weapon. She knew her exact height and weight, she knew how far she could jump, how high she could climb, how fast she could run, and every other bit of information about herself that had kept her alive all these years. So when her body began to change, she knew about it.

    She felt as her center of gravity shifted as more of her weight became distributed in the upper areas of her body. She felt an uncomfortable tightness in her dress as her shoulders expanded, and an odd looseness as her hips melted. Worst of all was the sudden and great discomfort in her lacy undergarments. "Ahem. Oh my. Wow." She gasped, slightly disoriented. She was almost disappointed to find that her voice had barely dropped. She sounded nearly like she normally did. "This'll take some getting used to."

    Vaarsuvius looked the former girl up and down. "Did it work?" The elf asked.

    "You don't know?" Haley replied. "Come on, my dress is nearly bursting across the shoulders, my hips are gone, and my voice is deeper, to name a few things."

    "So...?" Vaarsuvius ventured.

    "Of course it worked!" Haley thundered. "Oh, wow, did I really get angry that fast? This'll really take some getting used to."

    "So Haley, you're a man now?" Belkar yelled.

    "More of a man than you'll ever be. Of course, in that respect, nothing has changed since we've met, has it?" Haley shot back.

    "WHAT?!" Belkar snarled ferally. The elf and the rogue heard a series of metalic thuds as he threw himself against his bars. "I'll rip your freakin' face off you snarky son of a bitch! You don't even have hotness to hold me back anymore, so don't think I won't!" A moment later, his hands appeared, clawing at the wall between their cells and wriggling at the bars.

    Haley leaned in close to Vaarsuvius. "You know what you have to do now, right? Kiss his hand while he's clawing like that. It'll be good for a laugh."

    "Miss Starshine, I have always enjoyed your particular way of thinking." Vaarsuvius replied by way of agreement. As V crept to the front of the cell, a second pair of hands appeared, grappling with Belkar's.

    "Belkar, knock it off!" Roy barked, prying at the ornery halfling's hands. "I've got a size bonus to grapple checks, stop - oof! my ribs! - stop resisting!"

    "Bite me, Roy. I'm gonna claw my way over there and kick Haley's newly male ass!" Belkar ranted. "Show her who the bigger man is!"

    Vaarsuvius bent in close to the flailing pairs of hands, trying to plant a kiss on Belkar's small pale ones without touching Roy's large dark ones. Of course, just as the elf leaned in, Belkar managed to swat one of Roy's hands directly onto the elf's mouth. There was an audible *smeck* as the hand came away from the elf's lips, followed by a sudden cry of horror from Roy.

    After the wordless shriek, silence reigned over both cells for a few fleeting moments. Finally, Elan spoke up. "Roy has boobies." He stated matter of factly.

    "N-no!" A feminine voice that could only belong to Roy wailed. "Not again! Not again!"

    "Hey hot stuff!" Belkar suddenly growled lecherously. "Couldn't get enough of the Belkster, could you? Don't know what you did with Roy or that gorgeous mop of blond tresses, but I'm willing to let it slide. Gimme some sugar, baby!"

    "Oh gods, no!" Roy cried. "Belkar you horny little idiot, it's me, Roy! It's always been me! Keep your filthy hands off me!"

    Surprisingly, Belkar started laughing. A hearty, joyful laughter that seemed to fill the entire dungeon. "Oh yeah, I knew that all along. I was just screwing with you. Your face is freakin' priceless!"

    What followed was a sound of inarticulate rage from Roy, followed by the clang of a body - presumably Belkar's - striking the bars of the cell at high speed. It didn't stop the halfling from laughing. Soon, Durkon was laughing as well. Then Elan. Next Haley caught it, and even Vaarsuvius began to chuckle. Last and almost grudgingly, the newly female Roy began to giggle, the sound of which sent the group into even greater gales of laughter. For more than a minute, the group laughed. At their situation, at their screwed up world. But mostly they just laughed.

    When the laughter finally died down, Durkon cleared his throat. "Wait lads. If Vaarsuvius c'n do tha' curse thing, don't tha' mean we're naw in n' antimagic cell?"

    In the silence that followed, a pin drop would have seemed defeaning. "Sonofabitch." Roy groaned. "Are we really so stupid that nobody checked? Vaarsuvius?"

    "Light." The elf replied, touching a random pebble, which instantly began to shed a magical glow. "My magic seems to be functioning normally, Roy. It appears we have been vastly underestimated."

    Haley could almost hear the wolfish smile in Roy's next words. "Okay gang, new plan. We're busting the hell out of here. Someone give me an idea as to how."


    Edit: Dark Apprentice: Your fic was interesting. You've definitely got writing skill, and Zzd'tri was well done. We don't see enough of that guy in this thread. I think you could have gone into a little more detail about why Haley was so interested in spending the night with a drow, but I could certainly see her as the one night stand type, so it's not like she was completely out of character or anything. Good job, keep it up!
    Thanks for the comments. I didn't really think I did that well, so that means a lot. And on the last sentence, same to you.

  29. - Top - End - #929
    Barbarian in the Playground
     
    Griffon

    Join Date
    Oct 2008
    Location
    South Africa
    Gender
    Male

    Default Re: Crack Pairings V - We Revel in Infamy

    @Nathander Thanks for the compliment

    @Closak, ShinyDelusion, Dark Apprentice and Dark_Stryke: Love your latest work.

    @MReav Thanks. A few more:
    To make someone else jealous
    To save the world
    Mind-control
    Twins separated at birth
    This is what the snarl actually does
    In a watery environment
    While under attack
    Because of a literal genie
    Because if they don’t they’ll die/get unmade
    On the rebound
    In jail/a dungeon
    While playing strip-(insert game here)
    Wardrobe malfunction

    I humbly present this piece of narmtastic cheese:

    My promised Haley x Celia fic:

    WARNING: I hope you aren’t lactose intolerant because the stench of cheddar in this spoiler is enough to knock people out.

    Spoiler
    Show
    Celia was still pacing. She had been doing that the whole afternoon. Suddenly, the door opened. “Finally!” she yelled, “Can we see that cleric now?”
    “Unfortunately, I haven’t been able too organize it yet.” answered Pete, “I’ll bring him round tomorrow. It looks like you’ll have to stay another night. On the bright side, I brought you down some curtains so you two can sleep separately from your friend there.” Haley wrinkled her nose in disgust.
    “Thanks for that Pete.” She replied, “That will be an improvement.”
    “Alright I’ll be headed back up then.” Pete declared.

    After hanging the curtains Celia had slouched down upon her bed. While Haley wasn’t really the type to discuss emotions, she decided that if Celia was going to be mopey and depressed, then this situation would be even more unpleasant, so she walked over and sat next to the sylph. “What’s up?” she asked. “Why do you look like you exceeded your encumbrance limit?”
    “I can’t believe this!” answered Celia, “Here we are doing nothing while Roy…Roy…Roy,” She began to sob, “I miss Roy! This is all my fault! You don’t miss someone so much when you think they’re only a journey through the ethereal plane away, but now I can’t see him, because he’s d…dead and his body has been…has been,”
    “Turned into a bone golem?” offered Haley.
    “Y…Yes.” cried Celia. Haley, rather unsure of what to do at this point, rested Celia’s sobbing face on her shoulder. She didn’t know what would be comforting for the Sylph to hear, but she tried anyway. “Death is something that we adventurers are pretty used to.” She began, “Roy knew the risks, yet he took them anyway because that’s the kind of man he is. I know that I miss Elan too but soon you will be reunited with Roy and I will be reunited with Elan. For now we must be strong for them and remember that while they may not be with us, we are here for each other.”
    “We’re…we’re here for each other?” asked Celia, “I thought that you didn’t like me. That you thought that I was useless at this adventuring.”
    “Celia, not everyone is cut out to be a PC.” answered Haley, “But what would the world be like without NPCs. You all have important jobs to do and we love you just the way you are.”
    “You love me just the way I am?” asked Celia, “Oh, Haley, that’s such a nice, beautiful thing to say.” And with that she began to hug Haley. Haley looked down at her hair. Her blonde hair. Blond like Elan’s. They both had the same kind of cute ditzyness. She had the same incompetence in adventuring that Haley had first found endearing in Elan. Why was she thinking these things? Haley hugged Celia back and they both collapsed on the bed and fell asleep.

    “Elan.” purred Haley suggestively to the warm body next to her.
    “Roy.” came the reply. Haley’s eyes opened quickly and looked into the face of a sylph. “Wha…?” she asked before the previous nights memories returned. Celia seemed to have just gone through the same mental exercise as herself. Before they could get up though, Belkar walked in. “Ha!” he cried with what Haley assumed was the most glee he could express while in his current condition. “You two slept together!”
    “You’re disgusting.” Haley retorted with the best comeback she could come up with after she had just woken up. “This curtain is supposed to separate you from our room.” declared Celia.
    “Whatever.” dismissed Belkar and with that he left.
    “About last night…” began Haley.
    “Yes, thank you.” answered Celia, “I really needed that.”
    “Don’t mention it.” Replied Haley, feeling more confused than ever.

    “Another day that we didn’t get to see the cleric, gone” sighed Celia.
    “Well, Pete will bring him as soon as he’s finished organising.” Haley reassured her.
    “I guess you’re right.” sighed Celia, “Haley, did you really mean that you loved me just the way I am last night?”
    “Um…sure.” replied Haley.
    “Can you hold me the way you did last night?” asked Celia, “It made me feel safe like the way Roy does.”
    “Um…alright.” replied Haley. She wrapped her arms around Celia once more. It felt good to make someone feel safe, to protect someone, to comfort them. She nuzzled herself into Celia, the way she did with Elan. This felt so natural..so right. “Haley,” Celia asked, “please don’t let me go, please..” As she had turned, their lips had met and they didn’t part. They started to deepen the kiss, hungry for the intimacy that they hadn’t had in months. They stared undressing one another. Tonight they wouldn’t need clothes. They wouldn’t need Elan or Roy. They wouldn’t need to worry about the rest of the world. For tonight, they were there for each other.


    Ok. So I think it ended up rather cheesy and narmy, but hopefully ok for a first attempt at something like this.

    I believe that I promised to do Roy x Eugene next.

  30. - Top - End - #930
    Barbarian in the Playground
     
    Devixer's Avatar

    Join Date
    Sep 2009
    Location
    I go places

    Default Re: Crack Pairings V - We Revel in Infamy

    Sereg: Good job there. Yeah, there's a bit of Narm, but I think it actually does well here.

Posting Permissions

  • You may not post new threads
  • You may not post replies
  • You may not post attachments
  • You may not edit your posts
  •