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  1. - Top - End - #181
    Dwarf in the Playground
     
    NinjaGuy

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    Default Re: Crack Pairings II - Brain Bleach not Supplied

    Prepared to be horrified!

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    And they say love is blind...

    Last edited by Belkster11; 2009-09-18 at 06:10 PM.

  2. - Top - End - #182
    Ettin in the Playground
     
    The Succubus's Avatar

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    Default Re: Crack Pairings II - Brain Bleach not Supplied

    Hehehe - awesome drawing Belkster11! I think they'd make a great couple.

    SHould soon have part 2 of Miko the Blackguard ready for tomorrow.

  3. - Top - End - #183
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    Raging Gene Ray's Avatar

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    Default Re: Crack Pairings II - Brain Bleach not Supplied

    Quote Originally Posted by Belkster11 View Post
    Prepared to be horrified!

    And they say love is blind...
    Spoiler
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    The pairing isn't that horrifying. Kind of cute actually. In fact, I hear they hint in a War and XPs bonus comic that it's actually canon. That pun on the other hand...ouch.

    Despite what the spoiler in my sig would have you believe, I actually like Sangwaan/Hinjo somewhat. Sangwaan is a scholar who needs a warrior like Hinjo to protect her while Miko is a warrior who needs a scholar like Sangwaan to guide and instruct her.
    Last edited by Raging Gene Ray; 2009-09-18 at 07:08 PM.

  4. - Top - End - #184
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    RedWizardGuy

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    Default Re: Crack Pairings II - Brain Bleach not Supplied

    Quote Originally Posted by Belkster11 View Post
    Prepared to be horrified!

    Spoiler
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    And they say love is blind...

    Nice picture, but the pun... Oh my spleen!
    I Am A: Chaotic Good Human Sorcerer (3rd Level)
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  5. - Top - End - #185
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    NinjaGuy

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    Default Re: Crack Pairings II - Brain Bleach not Supplied

    I'm not that good at puns.

  6. - Top - End - #186
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    Raging Gene Ray's Avatar

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    Default Re: Crack Pairings II - Brain Bleach not Supplied

    Quote Originally Posted by Belkster11 View Post
    I'm not that good at puns.
    At least you didn't say Hinjo had a blind date.

    EDIT: Or was on a blind date.
    Last edited by Raging Gene Ray; 2009-09-18 at 07:43 PM.

  7. - Top - End - #187
    Dwarf in the Playground
     
    NinjaGuy

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    Default Re: Crack Pairings II - Brain Bleach not Supplied

    Quote Originally Posted by Raging Gene Ray View Post
    At least you didn't say Hinjo had a blind date.
    XD True, true.

    I kinda like drawing better. :)

  8. - Top - End - #188
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    HalflingRangerGuy

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    Default Re: Crack Pairings II - Brain Bleach not Supplied

    MikoxRoy's Sword...

    Hay! She's mine!!!
    High Priest of

  9. - Top - End - #189
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    Raging Gene Ray's Avatar

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    Default Re: Crack Pairings II - Brain Bleach not Supplied

    Quote Originally Posted by ClericOfBelker View Post
    MikoxRoy's Sword...

    Hay! She's mine!!!
    Is Roy referring to Miko or the sword? By the way, let me expand on it a little: Miko/Celia/Roy's Sword

    I call the hilt end!
    Celia: Awwww .
    Last edited by Raging Gene Ray; 2009-09-18 at 07:43 PM.

  10. - Top - End - #190
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    RedWizardGuy

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    Default Re: Crack Pairings II - Brain Bleach not Supplied

    Once again here I am with another chapter to my story of forbidden, and frankly, slightly creepy love. In this chapter we skip ahead a couple of months to when Haley is running the Azure City Resistance. Now let's see what happens when our favorite Rogue encounters Miko, the undead warrior of doom! Mwahahaha!

    Chapter Four: Walking a Mile in an Undead Man's Shoes

    Spoiler
    Show
    We begin our story three months after the fall of Azure City. The Hobgoblin Army led by Xykon, with extreme amounts of work by Redcloak, has fully subjugated the city and its remaining people. The survivors live in constant misery at the hands of the Hobgoblins. Speak of misery, it was the crack of dawn, and time for the slaves to be taken to their backbreaking labor. The Hobgoblins were yelling at the humans and whipping them to make them go faster.

    "Ok, we need these humans over at the armory, they need to move some dangerous and deadly munitions before 11:00!" said the Hobgoblin Cleric in charge.

    "Come on you lousy humans! Get moving!" yelled Random Hobgoblin Guard #1

    "Yeah, you have a lot of heavy things to move from one place to another, and we don't have all day!" yelled Random Hobgoblin Guard #2, cracking the whip.

    "Yeah, so get moving you stupid humans!" said Guard #1 as he raised his whip.

    But suddenly the whip was cut in two by an arrow fired out of nowhere. The Guard looked down at his whip, puzzled. He did not have long to think on this as three more arrows struck him in the chest, killing him.

    "Random Hobgoblin Guard #1!" yelled the Cleric in shock.

    "His name was really Random Hobgoblin Guard #1?" said one of the guards.

    "His parents were a little weird. But it does not matter now, where the heck did those arrows come from?" said the Cleric.

    "From here horrendous and foul creatures!" said the voice from nowhere.

    "Whose there? Who are you?" said the Cleric.

    "I thought you Hobgoblins would know who we are by now. We are the ones who fight for the downtrodden. We are the ones who fight for justice. We are..." said the voice, then four people jumped out of the shadows.

    "The Resistance!" said the person, now revealed to be Haley Starshine.

    "You know, I still think we should be called the Azure City Underground." said Isamu.

    "And I think we should have gone with the Sapphire Liberation Front." said Thanh.

    "Why does no one like my name? I think Rebel Alliance has some punch to it." said Niu.

    "Oh for the love of... Will you guys forget the name for now and just free these slaves." said Haley.

    "Right, sorry Haley." said Isamu.

    "Ok, Isamu and Niu, I want you to free the slaves and get them to the tunnels, got that." said Haley.

    "Got it." said Niu as they ran off to their task.

    "Thanh, do you think you can handle the remaining guards?" said Haley.

    "Their blood will be but a small payment for the atrocities they have visited on my fair city." said Thanh, holding his sword tight.

    "Right, now if you excuse me I have to take care of the cleric." said Haley.

    Haley ran off in the direction the cleric had fled. As she ran she encountered Hobgoblin guards, but quickly dispatched them with a few well placed arrows.
    Using every trick in the "Rogues Guide to Trickery." (Which is a real book, I'm not kidding. It would be a best seller too, if all the Rogues didn't steal their copies) Finally she had found the cleric, and readied herself for a fight.

    "Ok buddy, it's the end of the road for you. Get ready for..." Haley said, but she didn't get to finish as the cleric launched a spell.

    "Dancing Lights!" said the Cleric.

    "Dancing Lights? What kind of low level excuse of a spell is that? Why would you use... dancing...lights..." said Haley, but then she noticed the cleric pointing up and looked skyward.

    Hanging a few hundred feet in the air was a large diamond shape made of red lights. It was easily seen from the main tower and the security office therein.

    "Hey, there seems to be a signal coming from the slave quarters area. What does a red diamond mean?" said one of the Hobgoblin Guards.

    "I don't know, let me check the sheet." said the other Hobgoblin Guard.

    He looked at the color coded sheet to see what the signal meant. When he got to the corresponding description his eyes bugged out.

    "Well dang, this isn't good." said the Hobgoblin.

    "What is it?" said the other.

    "We have big trouble, that's what. Better send Black Squadron out on the double." said the Hobgoblon.

    "Right, they'll be deployed immediately." said the other.

    Meanwhile back with Haley and the Cleric, Haley was still in shock while the Cleric was smirking evilly.

    "Now then, Whose at the end of the road again?" said the Cleric.

    "Still you." said Haley, as she fired three arrows into the cleric's chest and then ran for it.

    "Guys! We've got to get out of here!" said Haley as she ran up to the others.

    "What, why?" said Niu.

    "Because there's reinforcements coming!" said Haley.

    "We can handle another bunch of guards, no problem." said Isamu.

    "It's not guards I'm talking about, It's..." but she never got to finish, as suddenly Black Squadron telported in right behind them. (Three guesses who they are.)

    "Hello Haley, nice to see you again." said Tsukiko, with her squad of wights and one familiar undead person behind her.

    "Wish I could say the same." said Haley.

    "Oh come now, is that anyway to speak to your future mistress? In fact I've brought your favorite playmate, and she's been dying to see you again." said Tsukiko, as Miko stepped forward. Dressed in the red and black armor Tsukiko had given her and with a black and deadly looking sword.

    "Hello Starshine, it is an honor to be the one to end you." said Miko, an evil grin on her undead face.

    "We'll see about that." said Haley, as she readied her bow.

    "We shall indeed, prepare to die!" yelled Miko as she leaped at Haley.


    Whew, that took longer then I expected. Darn life and such getting in the way and all. Anyway I hope you enjoyed this chapter, I would love to hear what you think of it.

    But before I end this, let us have a moment of silence for Random Hobgoblin Guard #1

    ...
    ...
    ...

    Thank you, memorial services for Random Hobgoblin Guard #1 will be held at the First Church of the Dark One from 12:00 till 2:00 next Tuesday. Family and friends will be in attendance and the service will be open to the public, thank you again.

    "Insert cliche memorial/remembrance music here*
    Last edited by Malkar Grumbo; 2009-09-18 at 08:26 PM.
    I Am A: Chaotic Good Human Sorcerer (3rd Level)
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  11. - Top - End - #191
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    RedWizardGuy

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    Default Re: Crack Pairings II - Brain Bleach not Supplied

    Quote Originally Posted by Raging Gene Ray View Post
    Is Roy referring to Miko or the sword? By the way, let me expand on it a little: Miko/Celia/Roy's Sword

    I call the hilt end!
    Celia: Awwww .
    Someone please do this!
    I Am A: Chaotic Good Human Sorcerer (3rd Level)
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  12. - Top - End - #192
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    Ookami50's Avatar

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    Default Re: Crack Pairings II - Brain Bleach not Supplied

    Although not strictly Oots related, crossover of The SnarlxCthulhu.

    Clicky click.

  13. - Top - End - #193
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    Closak's Avatar

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    Default Re: Crack Pairings II - Brain Bleach not Supplied

    ...
    ...
    ...


    ABD x Belkar x Roy.
    Plot device: Pregnancy.


    ARRRRRRGH!!! *Shoves head into bucket full of acid*
    Last edited by Closak; 2009-09-19 at 12:38 PM. Reason: What are you looking at? *Faints*

  14. - Top - End - #194
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    Zanaril's Avatar

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    Default Re: Crack Pairings II - Brain Bleach not Supplied

    Quote Originally Posted by Closak View Post
    ...
    ...
    ...


    ABD x Belkar x Roy.
    Plot device: Pregnancy.


    ARRRRRRGH!!! *Shoves head into bucket full of acid*
    So... who's the father?

    Also, why am I more disturbed my the prospect of half-dragon Belkar Jr.s than of the actual pairing?
    This post may contain sarcasm.
    DeviantArt

  15. - Top - End - #195
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    Closak's Avatar

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    Default Re: Crack Pairings II - Brain Bleach not Supplied

    I know, disturbing isn't it?

    I knew coming here would end badly.
    But apparantly i failed my Will save against curiosity.

  16. - Top - End - #196
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    Meg's Avatar

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    Default Re: Crack Pairings II - Brain Bleach not Supplied

    Quote Originally Posted by Closak View Post
    I know, disturbing isn't it?

    I knew coming here would end badly.
    But apparantly i failed my Will save against curiosity.
    A common reaction. Don't worry, you'll soon be over it.

    ...And that is how I met your father.

  17. - Top - End - #197
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    TheBibliophile's Avatar

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    Default Re: Crack Pairings II - Brain Bleach not Supplied

    I go to live in SMBG for a couple days and when I come back there's a new Esmerelder pairing!

    I love it! I really do!

    Also, this gives me a chance to state my theory that the best crack writers are female. Zanaril, Kaytara, Esmerelder, Water Smurf (sorry Minion)...it's just uncanny!
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    My old avatars. Thanks, y'all!
    Some poetry I've written. Constructive criticism warmly welcomed.

  18. - Top - End - #198
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    Mr. Moon's Avatar

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    Default Re: Crack Pairings II - Brain Bleach not Supplied

    Jeeze, you guys have been busy.
    Couldn't even wait for me to catch up.

    Well, too bad. I wrote a ship anyway. So there.


    Spoiler
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    Haley stood at the entrance to the Oracle's tower, a spire in the center of the Sunken Valley, rising to kiss the sun. She'd left the others behind a while ago, scouting out ahead. The rogue was supposed to wait for her party at the door, but as she stood at the giant, oaken double doors, Haley felt a strange curiosity grip at her. Almost unintentionally, she took a step forward, then another. As the red-haired rogue drew towards the door, it swung open, revealing a large, dark entrance chamber. It was hard to tell how large the chamber was, even though it felt familiar, a nagging half memory that refused to be dug up. Haley paused a moment, a slight frown playing across her face. She hesitated a moment, then another, before taking a deep breath and stepping inside.

    The floor was a cold marble, and even Haley's soft shoes were audible against it, echoing in the chamber. The rogue walked slowly, taking short steps with a hand out in front of her to avoid running into anything in the pitch darkness. After about a minute of this passed, a torch flickered to life on the wall across from her. Haley closed her eyes quickly, looking away to avoid being blinded by the sudden light. After a moment, she opened them again, to discover that three other torches had been light, allowing Haley to get a vague glimpse of the room around her. It was shaped in a huge, perfect circle, torches alight at the four cardinal points, the walls white marble, with shining gold bands running in rings around the walls, inscribed with... something. Some sort of writing. The flames danced, reflected in the gold, sending shadows to jump and dance among the four granite pillars that supported the roof of this great building, so high up that even Haley's sharp vision couldn't see it from where the pillars ended and the ceiling began, lost to shadows that seemed to be pressing down, fighting the meagre light provided by the four torches. The ground, however, was not marble like Haley had thought at first, but the same granite as the four pillars. As Haley looked about herself, spinning in a slow circle, she heard a voice from behind.

    "You came. I missed you."
    The rogue jumped in surprise, spinning and looking around wildly to locate the source of the voice. "Who's there?" Haley called into the flickering darkness.
    "I'm up here, Miss Starshine." The voice wasn't humanoid, and carried a mix of longing and contempt. Haley obeyed, looking up at the source of the voice, and spotting a robed kobold standing on one of the gold bands that seemed to have extended from the wall and grown a railing, which the orange-scaled lizard was leaning against.
    "... You're the Oracle?"
    A sad smile crossed the kobold's face. "I am. You don't remember me, of course." He stood back from the railing, which sunk into the narrow golden walkway. He took a step forward, and instead of falling to his death, stepped onto some sort of magical pathway. It was invisible, except where his feet and tail touched it - white and gold tendrils of light flashed and dissipated. Haley stepped backwards unconsciously, but rather than making any progress runs into one of the pillars. The Oracle gave another sad smile at this, finally having reached the floor. "I knew you wouldn't remember me. No one does, that's just a part of the job." He looked down, then back up at Haley. He was close now. Close enough that if Haley reached out and leaned forward slightly, she could touch him.
    She didn't.
    "You've been here before. Several times."
    "I know," Haley replied. "You... helped me with my problem... with Elan. Thank you."
    Another sad smile. "How did that work out?"
    "Not so bad. We dated for a while, but after Roy died... We split up. I haven't seen Elan... in so long..." The rogue frowned, unconsciously wrapping her arms around herself for some small comfort.
    The kobold looked genuinely pained for the Haley. "I'm sorry..." He said, trailing off. There was a moment of silence before he spoke again. "If it's... any consolation at all... I know how lonely you must feel."
    Haley blinked. "You do?"
    Nodding, the Oracle spoke; "I've met many, many people in my life. All of them come to me demanding a question be answered, then leave. They never remember me or who I am, beyond an oracle, and honestly, I wouldn't change that if I could. But sometimes... Sometimes I just want someone to talk to. Someone to love."

    Haley looked down at the orange-scaled thing, and suddenly, she felt her wariness replaced with compassion. Here was a creature who felt the same feeling of aloneness that she did, and her heart went out to him. "Well... I suppose I could stay for a while. Do you have anywhere to sit down?"
    The kobold looked up at Haley and this time there was no sadness in the smile he gave her.

    ******

    The Oracle's personal rooms of the tower had none of the grandeur of the other rooms Haley had seen so far. It was... comfortable. Plenty of soft things to sit on. A fire in a pit, with a kettle of water hanging over it, for tea later. Haley sat near the fire on a large, soft pillow, the Oracle sitting next to her on a thick, padded mat. "So of course, he didn't like the answer, so the bastards, they pick me up by the legs, and they hang me out the window until I agree to answer two more questions!" He was saying, complete with animated geusters.
    Haley gasped, laughing a little. "That's horrible!" She found herself leaning forward the kobold, enjoying his company greatly.
    The Oracle grinned as Haley laughed. "Oh, I've had far worse happen." He assured her, dismissing the notion with a wave of his hand. He leaned closer to the red-haired rogue as well, and soon they were touching. Haley smiled, leaning her head on his shoulder, and sighing contently the kobold began to stroke her hair. Suddenly, the Oracle leaned forward, planting a tender kiss on Haley's lips, just brushing against them before pulling away. The rogue blinked, licking her lips instinctively.
    She... hadn't expected that. But at the same time, she didn't object to it. After all this time alone... this kind of attention felt nice. The Oracle, however, wasn't privy to the fact that Haley didn't mind. When she looked at him, he looked away, clearly embarrassed.
    Haley smiled, licking her lips again. "I don't mind, you know."
    "Are... are you sure? You won't remember this. Not any of it."
    Haley just nodded.
    The Oracle smiled, wrapping his arms around Haley's waist and pushing her back against her pillow.

    ******

    The next morning, Haley woke up in the arms of a stranger. She looked down at the small, yellow-scaled man for a moment, before last night's events came back to her. Smiling at the memory, Haley crawled out of the bed, which was really more of a pile of pillows, and began looking around the room. Surely there was a shower somewhere around here? A few moments of searching resulted in success, and when Haley returned to the bedroom, her hair in a towel, the Oracle was already awake.
    "Last night was great." Haley said, but the kobold didn't return her smile.
    "You... won't stay." He said, looking at her with great sadness in his eyes.
    Her smile falling from her face like a stone, Haley sat down next to the Oracle. "I... can't. My party... they'll be here soon. I was sent to scout ahead..." She said, trying to explain.
    The Oracle nodded, staring at the wall. "And when they get here?"
    "They'll ask you their questions... and then we'll leave."
    "Of course."
    "I'm... I'm sorry."
    "I know."

    *******
    "Um... Elan?" Haley frowned, a hand on her stomach.
    Elan glanced up from tuning his lute, and smiled at her. "Yeah?"
    "I... I think I'm pregnant..."


    Yeah, I probably got some details wrong. Whatever. >>
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  19. - Top - End - #199
    Halfling in the Playground
     
    Carnivorous M.'s Avatar

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    Default Re: Crack Pairings II - Brain Bleach not Supplied

    GAH! It happened again! I disappear from the space-time continuum for a few days, and we're on our second thread already!

    Quote Originally Posted by Moon_Called View Post
    Jeeze, you guys have been busy.
    Couldn't even wait for me to catch up.

    Well, too bad. I wrote a ship anyway. So there.


    Spoiler
    Show

    Haley stood at the entrance to the Oracle's tower, a spire in the center of the Sunken Valley, rising to kiss the sun. She'd left the others behind a while ago, scouting out ahead. The rogue was supposed to wait for her party at the door, but as she stood at the giant, oaken double doors, Haley felt a strange curiosity grip at her. Almost unintentionally, she took a step forward, then another. As the red-haired rogue drew towards the door, it swung open, revealing a large, dark entrance chamber. It was hard to tell how large the chamber was, even though it felt familiar, a nagging half memory that refused to be dug up. Haley paused a moment, a slight frown playing across her face. She hesitated a moment, then another, before taking a deep breath and stepping inside.

    The floor was a cold marble, and even Haley's soft shoes were audible against it, echoing in the chamber. The rogue walked slowly, taking short steps with a hand out in front of her to avoid running into anything in the pitch darkness. After about a minute of this passed, a torch flickered to life on the wall across from her. Haley closed her eyes quickly, looking away to avoid being blinded by the sudden light. After a moment, she opened them again, to discover that three other torches had been light, allowing Haley to get a vague glimpse of the room around her. It was shaped in a huge, perfect circle, torches alight at the four cardinal points, the walls white marble, with shining gold bands running in rings around the walls, inscribed with... something. Some sort of writing. The flames danced, reflected in the gold, sending shadows to jump and dance among the four granite pillars that supported the roof of this great building, so high up that even Haley's sharp vision couldn't see it from where the pillars ended and the ceiling began, lost to shadows that seemed to be pressing down, fighting the meagre light provided by the four torches. The ground, however, was not marble like Haley had thought at first, but the same granite as the four pillars. As Haley looked about herself, spinning in a slow circle, she heard a voice from behind.

    "You came. I missed you."
    The rogue jumped in surprise, spinning and looking around wildly to locate the source of the voice. "Who's there?" Haley called into the flickering darkness.
    "I'm up here, Miss Starshine." The voice wasn't humanoid, and carried a mix of longing and contempt. Haley obeyed, looking up at the source of the voice, and spotting a robed kobold standing on one of the gold bands that seemed to have extended from the wall and grown a railing, which the orange-scaled lizard was leaning against.
    "... You're the Oracle?"
    A sad smile crossed the kobold's face. "I am. You don't remember me, of course." He stood back from the railing, which sunk into the narrow golden walkway. He took a step forward, and instead of falling to his death, stepped onto some sort of magical pathway. It was invisible, except where his feet and tail touched it - white and gold tendrils of light flashed and dissipated. Haley stepped backwards unconsciously, but rather than making any progress runs into one of the pillars. The Oracle gave another sad smile at this, finally having reached the floor. "I knew you wouldn't remember me. No one does, that's just a part of the job." He looked down, then back up at Haley. He was close now. Close enough that if Haley reached out and leaned forward slightly, she could touch him.
    She didn't.
    "You've been here before. Several times."
    "I know," Haley replied. "You... helped me with my problem... with Elan. Thank you."
    Another sad smile. "How did that work out?"
    "Not so bad. We dated for a while, but after Roy died... We split up. I haven't seen Elan... in so long..." The rogue frowned, unconsciously wrapping her arms around herself for some small comfort.
    The kobold looked genuinely pained for the Haley. "I'm sorry..." He said, trailing off. There was a moment of silence before he spoke again. "If it's... any consolation at all... I know how lonely you must feel."
    Haley blinked. "You do?"
    Nodding, the Oracle spoke; "I've met many, many people in my life. All of them come to me demanding a question be answered, then leave. They never remember me or who I am, beyond an oracle, and honestly, I wouldn't change that if I could. But sometimes... Sometimes I just want someone to talk to. Someone to love."

    Haley looked down at the orange-scaled thing, and suddenly, she felt her wariness replaced with compassion. Here was a creature who felt the same feeling of aloneness that she did, and her heart went out to him. "Well... I suppose I could stay for a while. Do you have anywhere to sit down?"
    The kobold looked up at Haley and this time there was no sadness in the smile he gave her.

    ******

    The Oracle's personal rooms of the tower had none of the grandeur of the other rooms Haley had seen so far. It was... comfortable. Plenty of soft things to sit on. A fire in a pit, with a kettle of water hanging over it, for tea later. Haley sat near the fire on a large, soft pillow, the Oracle sitting next to her on a thick, padded mat. "So of course, he didn't like the answer, so the bastards, they pick me up by the legs, and they hang me out the window until I agree to answer two more questions!" He was saying, complete with animated geusters.
    Haley gasped, laughing a little. "That's horrible!" She found herself leaning forward the kobold, enjoying his company greatly.
    The Oracle grinned as Haley laughed. "Oh, I've had far worse happen." He assured her, dismissing the notion with a wave of his hand. He leaned closer to the red-haired rogue as well, and soon they were touching. Haley smiled, leaning her head on his shoulder, and sighing contently the kobold began to stroke her hair. Suddenly, the Oracle leaned forward, planting a tender kiss on Haley's lips, just brushing against them before pulling away. The rogue blinked, licking her lips instinctively.
    She... hadn't expected that. But at the same time, she didn't object to it. After all this time alone... this kind of attention felt nice. The Oracle, however, wasn't privy to the fact that Haley didn't mind. When she looked at him, he looked away, clearly embarrassed.
    Haley smiled, licking her lips again. "I don't mind, you know."
    "Are... are you sure? You won't remember this. Not any of it."
    Haley just nodded.
    The Oracle smiled, wrapping his arms around Haley's waist and pushing her back against her pillow.

    ******

    The next morning, Haley woke up in the arms of a stranger. She looked down at the small, yellow-scaled man for a moment, before last night's events came back to her. Smiling at the memory, Haley crawled out of the bed, which was really more of a pile of pillows, and began looking around the room. Surely there was a shower somewhere around here? A few moments of searching resulted in success, and when Haley returned to the bedroom, her hair in a towel, the Oracle was already awake.
    "Last night was great." Haley said, but the kobold didn't return her smile.
    "You... won't stay." He said, looking at her with great sadness in his eyes.
    Her smile falling from her face like a stone, Haley sat down next to the Oracle. "I... can't. My party... they'll be here soon. I was sent to scout ahead..." She said, trying to explain.
    The Oracle nodded, staring at the wall. "And when they get here?"
    "They'll ask you their questions... and then we'll leave."
    "Of course."
    "I'm... I'm sorry."
    "I know."

    *******
    "Um... Elan?" Haley frowned, a hand on her stomach.
    Elan glanced up from tuning his lute, and smiled at her. "Yeah?"
    "I... I think I'm pregnant..."


    Yeah, I probably got some details wrong. Whatever. >>


    I can see it now...

    : (holding creepy little kobold baby) Wow! I didn't know I was half-kobold!
    Last edited by Carnivorous M.; 2009-09-19 at 01:42 PM.
    "It must be humbling to suck on so many levels." -Sheldon Cooper, Big Bang Theory

    When life gives you lemons, tell Belkar it called him short and then laugh from a safe distance.

    Starving the trolls since 2004

    Proud inventor of the I-pod Throwing Star... I think.

    Feel free to click the clickies! (By that I mean DO IT NOW!)

  20. - Top - End - #200
    Ettin in the Playground
     
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    Default Re: Crack Pairings II - Brain Bleach not Supplied

    Part 2 of Miko the Blackguard!

    Spoiler
    Show
    Miko began to climb the tower, at the top of which she hoped to find the location of the Order of the Stick. They had sought the Oracle's aid many times and each of their endeavours had met with success as a result She hoped that she too would have success.

    Upon opening the door, she found her view of the chamber obscured by four steel pillars. In their shadow, she could see a small figure moving around. Probably a halfing or gnome, she thought.

    “Greetings Oracle. I have come to seek your aid.”

    “Honey, the sort of aid that you need is beyond me – I think you're looking for a highly qualified psychiatrist instead.”

    “Enough of your insolence! Tell me what I need to know or-”

    “Or what?”

    Miko stepped back, a frown forming on her brow. She could see the Oracle clearly now – a small kobold in an ill-fitting robe and hat. Such a creature would pose no challenge for her newfound powers.

    “Look up.”

    What Miko had previously assumed to be a set of pillars were in fact the legs of two of the largest iron golems she had ever seen.

    “After your little performance with those two hapless shmucks at the junction, I thought it only prudent to get a little outside assistance...."

    *********

    “Dude, check out the chick in the black leather! Let's totally mess up her head!”

    “I'm so not up for that!” said the second guardian, a large grin forming on his face.

    Miko approached the two guardians, her patience almost completely worn away after listening to the Voice drone on for sixty minutes. “I seek the Oracle. Which is the correct path?”

    “Left,” said the first guardian.

    “Right,” said the second guardian.

    “One of us always tells the truth, the other always lies,” said the first guardian. “You are allowed one question.”

    “One question? Very well...” said Miko.

    SLASH!SLASH!SLASH!SLASH!

    “Now then,” Miko addressed the trembling guardian before her. “My question is this – have I just dismembered your colleague here?”

    “YOU CRAZY B****! YOU JUST HACKED HIS ARMS AND LEGS OFF!”

    “Left it is then. Thank you for your assistance.”


    ********

    “There are two questions you actually want to ask me. The one you're about to ask me, I'll answer free of charge, as it is a goal I'm sympathetic towards, for various personal reasons involving windows and psychopathic halflings.”

    “Where can I find the Order of the Stick?”

    “You will catch up with them 6 days after arriving on the Western Continent.”

    “Will I be successful in my task?”

    “A choice of arms will decide the outcome of your quest.”

    Miko frowned. Not quite the answer she was hoping for – she would meditate on the cryptic answer later. The Oracle stepped closer to her and the two iron golems moved to block the only exit from the room. His black eyes were shining with greed and something else she couldn't quite read.

    “Now my dear, it's time to discuss your payment.”

    Miko's expression changed from one of puzzlement to one of panic. Since her rebirth as a Blackguard, her purse had vanished along with her old uniform.

    “Don't worry yourself, sugar,” said the Oracle, his long thin tongue gently caressing Miko's ear. “There's more than one way to settle a debt...”

    **********

    As she climbed out of the Sunken Valley, Miko pondered the mystery of the Oracle's message. Did it mean that she would need a magical weapon of some sort? Would her existing blade break during the battle? Such questions would need to be resolved before the final confrontation.

    She also found herself wondering about the soreness between her legs and the faint reptilian bite mark on her neck....


    @Moon Called - great minds think alike, eh? ;)
    Last edited by The Succubus; 2009-09-19 at 01:51 PM.

  21. - Top - End - #201
    Bugbear in the Playground
     
    Mr. Moon's Avatar

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    Default Re: Crack Pairings II - Brain Bleach not Supplied

    Quote Originally Posted by Carnivorous M.
    I can see it now...

    (holding creepy little kobold baby) Wow! I didn't know I was half-kobold!
    XDD
    Oh man, I love that mental image. ^^


    Quote Originally Posted by MasamuneSSX View Post
    @Moon Called - great minds think alike, eh? ;)
    *giggles*
    Small minds seldom differ.
    "You tied your wings on tightly but they always come undone"
    ~ ClumsyMonkey, Montreal
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  22. - Top - End - #202
    Halfling in the Playground
     
    DwarfBarbarianGuy

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    Default Re: Crack Pairings II - Brain Bleach not Supplied

    Hi!

    Julio ScoundrelxSarah Greenhilt
    Plot device: French Maid costume
    Why am I not surprised?
    What's the Moskstraumen?

  23. - Top - End - #203
    Pixie in the Playground
     
    Flumph

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    Default Re: Crack Pairings II - Brain Bleach not Supplied

    Sooooo. Remember I rolled Roy's sword x Bone golem Roy on a desert island and with true love?

    Well, I figured I could actually write it. Prepare the brain bleach and keep it handy, cause you're gonna need it. Not actually NSFW:

    Spoiler
    Show
    Due to a mysterious cataclysmic event, bone golem Roy and Roy's sword ended up on a deserted island with exactly two trees at the center and sand everywhere else, except obviously there where the sea was.

    A few months had passed by now, and the lack of food, water, and social interaction (as far as a bone golem needs them) were taking their toll on bone golem Roy. Today he was wandering around the beaches in his usual sorry state.

    "Bweeeuuuuaaaaahhhh"

    On the other hand, Roy's sword had none of these problems. The salt had not damaged its metal in any way, while the sanding action of the sand carried by the wind had kept its surface smooth and glistening. Today some sea water kept rolling over Roy's sword, giving it a decidedly wet appearance.

    Until now, bone golem Roy had felt only somewhat lonely, mostly missing a Master. The palm trees had not showed any interest in him, instead dropping coconuts on his head. Now bone golem Roy ambled towards the beach on which Roy's sword lay baking in the sun. Bone golem Roy spotted it instantly, and something about its position awoke something in him. Something fiery.

    "Neeeeehhhhhhhhd Looooaaaaav"

    He eyeballed Roy's sword. Waves splashed over Roy's sword glistening metal body, and the hot sun made it gleam. Hundreds of droplets reflected the sun at once. Bone golem Roy only knew one way to react:

    "Shhhwwwwooaaard Looooooaaaav Meeeeeeeh?"

    Roy's sword caught some sunlight on its tip, shining the light back at Bone golem Roy, apparently acquiescing his question.

    "Shhhwwwwooaaard Looooooaaaav Meeeeeeeh!!!!!!"

    Bone golem Roy threw himself at Roy's sword, tightly embracing it. He began stroking Roy's sword heft, and soon called out:

    "UUuuuuuuuuuuhhhhhhHHhh! Shhhhwooaard LOAAAAAAVSSS MEEEEEEH!!!"




    Good. Now put up your hand if my story just broke your brain.

  24. - Top - End - #204
    Halfling in the Playground
     
    Carnivorous M.'s Avatar

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    Default Re: Crack Pairings II - Brain Bleach not Supplied

    -hands stays down- My brain left burns down the sides of my head on its way out long ago.

    Quote Originally Posted by Dra-Goon View Post
    "Shhhwwwwooaaard Looooooaaaav Meeeeeeeh?"
    For some reason, that made me go 'awww'. I do love my mental images.
    Last edited by Carnivorous M.; 2009-09-19 at 03:23 PM.
    "It must be humbling to suck on so many levels." -Sheldon Cooper, Big Bang Theory

    When life gives you lemons, tell Belkar it called him short and then laugh from a safe distance.

    Starving the trolls since 2004

    Proud inventor of the I-pod Throwing Star... I think.

    Feel free to click the clickies! (By that I mean DO IT NOW!)

  25. - Top - End - #205
    Barbarian in the Playground
     
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    Default Re: Crack Pairings II - Brain Bleach not Supplied

    Quote Originally Posted by MasamuneSSX View Post
    Part 2 of Miko the Blackguard!

    Spoiler
    Show
    Miko began to climb the tower, at the top of which she hoped to find the location of the Order of the Stick. They had sought the Oracle's aid many times and each of their endeavours had met with success as a result She hoped that she too would have success.

    Upon opening the door, she found her view of the chamber obscured by four steel pillars. In their shadow, she could see a small figure moving around. Probably a halfing or gnome, she thought.

    “Greetings Oracle. I have come to seek your aid.”

    “Honey, the sort of aid that you need is beyond me – I think you're looking for a highly qualified psychiatrist instead.”

    “Enough of your insolence! Tell me what I need to know or-”

    “Or what?”

    Miko stepped back, a frown forming on her brow. She could see the Oracle clearly now – a small kobold in an ill-fitting robe and hat. Such a creature would pose no challenge for her newfound powers.

    “Look up.”

    What Miko had previously assumed to be a set of pillars were in fact the legs of two of the largest iron golems she had ever seen.

    “After your little performance with those two hapless shmucks at the junction, I thought it only prudent to get a little outside assistance...."

    *********

    “Dude, check out the chick in the black leather! Let's totally mess up her head!”

    “I'm so not up for that!” said the second guardian, a large grin forming on his face.

    Miko approached the two guardians, her patience almost completely worn away after listening to the Voice drone on for sixty minutes. “I seek the Oracle. Which is the correct path?”

    “Left,” said the first guardian.

    “Right,” said the second guardian.

    “One of us always tells the truth, the other always lies,” said the first guardian. “You are allowed one question.”

    “One question? Very well...” said Miko.

    SLASH!SLASH!SLASH!SLASH!

    “Now then,” Miko addressed the trembling guardian before her. “My question is this – have I just dismembered your colleague here?”

    “YOU CRAZY B****! YOU JUST HACKED HIS ARMS AND LEGS OFF!”

    “Left it is then. Thank you for your assistance.”


    ********

    “There are two questions you actually want to ask me. The one you're about to ask me, I'll answer free of charge, as it is a goal I'm sympathetic towards, for various personal reasons involving windows and psychopathic halflings.”

    “Where can I find the Order of the Stick?”

    “You will catch up with them 6 days after arriving on the Western Continent.”

    “Will I be successful in my task?”

    “A choice of arms will decide the outcome of your quest.”

    Miko frowned. Not quite the answer she was hoping for – she would meditate on the cryptic answer later. The Oracle stepped closer to her and the two iron golems moved to block the only exit from the room. His black eyes were shining with greed and something else she couldn't quite read.

    “Now my dear, it's time to discuss your payment.”

    Miko's expression changed from one of puzzlement to one of panic. Since her rebirth as a Blackguard, her purse had vanished along with her old uniform.

    “Don't worry yourself, sugar,” said the Oracle, his long thin tongue gently caressing Miko's ear. “There's more than one way to settle a debt...”

    **********

    As she climbed out of the Sunken Valley, Miko pondered the mystery of the Oracle's message. Did it mean that she would need a magical weapon of some sort? Would her existing blade break during the battle? Such questions would need to be resolved before the final confrontation.

    She also found herself wondering about the soreness between her legs and the faint reptilian bite mark on her neck....


    @Moon Called - great minds think alike, eh? ;)
    Holy Spork... Slightly sinister use of the memory charm by the oracle.

    ...vibrating mascara?!?!?! (watching tv)
    Avatar by me...yup that's how good my drawing is. As in not very good.

    Crack-Pairings, Not Dead Just Moved. Someone Hasn't Been Looking In The Right Places.


    Spoiler
    Show
    Quote Originally Posted by Caleniel View Post
    Taekwondodo - your nick and your avatar are terrific. I want to award you something... how about enough melons to see you through the next ice age?

  26. - Top - End - #206
    Halfling in the Playground
     
    Carnivorous M.'s Avatar

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    Default Re: Crack Pairings II - Brain Bleach not Supplied

    And then Haley goes back to the valley to ask the Oracle why she gave birth to a kobold. Hilarity Ensues.
    "It must be humbling to suck on so many levels." -Sheldon Cooper, Big Bang Theory

    When life gives you lemons, tell Belkar it called him short and then laugh from a safe distance.

    Starving the trolls since 2004

    Proud inventor of the I-pod Throwing Star... I think.

    Feel free to click the clickies! (By that I mean DO IT NOW!)

  27. - Top - End - #207
    Dwarf in the Playground
     
    HalflingRangerGuy

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    Default Re: Crack Pairings II - Brain Bleach not Supplied

    Quote Originally Posted by Raging Gene Ray View Post
    Is Roy referring to Miko or the sword?

    Yes !
    High Priest of

  28. - Top - End - #208
    Dwarf in the Playground
     
    RedWizardGuy

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    Default Re: Crack Pairings II - Brain Bleach not Supplied

    Quote Originally Posted by MasamuneSSX View Post
    Part 2 of Miko the Blackguard!

    Spoiler
    Show
    Miko began to climb the tower, at the top of which she hoped to find the location of the Order of the Stick. They had sought the Oracle's aid many times and each of their endeavours had met with success as a result She hoped that she too would have success.

    Upon opening the door, she found her view of the chamber obscured by four steel pillars. In their shadow, she could see a small figure moving around. Probably a halfing or gnome, she thought.

    “Greetings Oracle. I have come to seek your aid.”

    “Honey, the sort of aid that you need is beyond me – I think you're looking for a highly qualified psychiatrist instead.”

    “Enough of your insolence! Tell me what I need to know or-”

    “Or what?”

    Miko stepped back, a frown forming on her brow. She could see the Oracle clearly now – a small kobold in an ill-fitting robe and hat. Such a creature would pose no challenge for her newfound powers.

    “Look up.”

    What Miko had previously assumed to be a set of pillars were in fact the legs of two of the largest iron golems she had ever seen.

    “After your little performance with those two hapless shmucks at the junction, I thought it only prudent to get a little outside assistance...."

    *********

    “Dude, check out the chick in the black leather! Let's totally mess up her head!”

    “I'm so not up for that!” said the second guardian, a large grin forming on his face.

    Miko approached the two guardians, her patience almost completely worn away after listening to the Voice drone on for sixty minutes. “I seek the Oracle. Which is the correct path?”

    “Left,” said the first guardian.

    “Right,” said the second guardian.

    “One of us always tells the truth, the other always lies,” said the first guardian. “You are allowed one question.”

    “One question? Very well...” said Miko.

    SLASH!SLASH!SLASH!SLASH!

    “Now then,” Miko addressed the trembling guardian before her. “My question is this – have I just dismembered your colleague here?”

    “YOU CRAZY B****! YOU JUST HACKED HIS ARMS AND LEGS OFF!”

    “Left it is then. Thank you for your assistance.”


    ********

    “There are two questions you actually want to ask me. The one you're about to ask me, I'll answer free of charge, as it is a goal I'm sympathetic towards, for various personal reasons involving windows and psychopathic halflings.”

    “Where can I find the Order of the Stick?”

    “You will catch up with them 6 days after arriving on the Western Continent.”

    “Will I be successful in my task?”

    “A choice of arms will decide the outcome of your quest.”

    Miko frowned. Not quite the answer she was hoping for – she would meditate on the cryptic answer later. The Oracle stepped closer to her and the two iron golems moved to block the only exit from the room. His black eyes were shining with greed and something else she couldn't quite read.

    “Now my dear, it's time to discuss your payment.”

    Miko's expression changed from one of puzzlement to one of panic. Since her rebirth as a Blackguard, her purse had vanished along with her old uniform.

    “Don't worry yourself, sugar,” said the Oracle, his long thin tongue gently caressing Miko's ear. “There's more than one way to settle a debt...”

    **********

    As she climbed out of the Sunken Valley, Miko pondered the mystery of the Oracle's message. Did it mean that she would need a magical weapon of some sort? Would her existing blade break during the battle? Such questions would need to be resolved before the final confrontation.

    She also found herself wondering about the soreness between her legs and the faint reptilian bite mark on her neck....


    @Moon Called - great minds think alike, eh? ;)
    That is one horny little kobold, good work! You too Moon Called.
    Last edited by Malkar Grumbo; 2009-09-19 at 03:38 PM.
    I Am A: Chaotic Good Human Sorcerer (3rd Level)
    Ability Scores:
    Strength- 9
    Dexterity- 11
    Constitution- 11
    Intelligence- 12
    Wisdom- 11
    Charisma- 11

  29. - Top - End - #209
    Dwarf in the Playground
     
    HalflingRangerGuy

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    Default Re: Crack Pairings II - Brain Bleach not Supplied

    Quote Originally Posted by Zanaril View Post
    the prospect of half-dragon Belkar Jr.s
    AWESOME!!!!!!
    :Prepare to die!
    :HA HA! Look guys it's a shorty!
    :Dragon Breath!
    KA-ROAST!!!!
    High Priest of

  30. - Top - End - #210
    Halfling in the Playground
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    Default Re: Crack Pairings II - Brain Bleach not Supplied

    Quote Originally Posted by ClericOfBelker View Post
    AWESOME!!!!!!
    :Prepare to die!
    :HA HA! Look guys it's a shorty!
    :Dragon Breath!
    KA-ROAST!!!!
    Prepare for the awsomeness of...



    BADLY DRAWN HALF-DRAGON LIKE BEKLAR TYPE OBJECT!!!
    Live each day of your life like the man that has never seen a yurt.

    ~Proverb

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