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  1. - Top - End - #751
    Colossus in the Playground
     
    CoffeeIncluded's Avatar

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    Default Re: Crack Pairings IV - You Can't Unread It

    Quote Originally Posted by doliest View Post
    What kind of grade do you have in the different marking periods?
    I have a B.

  2. - Top - End - #752
    Barbarian in the Playground
     
    ClericGuy

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    Default Re: Crack Pairings IV - You Can't Unread It

    Quote Originally Posted by CoffeeIncluded View Post
    No it did not.

    And I already tanked one several.
    Well, all I can say is I wish you good luck on your test.
    Your local Cleric.

    Cleric of the Murphy's Law Thread
    (yes, that is possible)

    "Eagles may soar, but weasels don't get sucked into jet engines."

  3. - Top - End - #753
    Bugbear in the Playground
     
    doliest's Avatar

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    Default Re: Crack Pairings IV - You Can't Unread It

    Quote Originally Posted by CoffeeIncluded View Post
    I have a B.
    If you do good enough you still pass. I'm good at math, but suck at Trig(I know, paradox) so I'm just going to try to hold on. I'm going to keep TRYING to do good, but I only expect Cs. I can make up the Math average in my other Math classes and I can just do everything to hold onto that Trig C.
    Doliest's crimes against good taste
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    An Uwe Boll fan, and proud of it. LONG LIVE THE BOLL!

    Also a Michael Bay fan.

    Likes Jar Jar

    Likes FATAL..... No, I'm sorry, but no. Everything else on this list? I like, but while I've done many horrible things in my life, I WILL NOT claim to like FATAL.



    Let's Playing Final Fantasy with extreme prejudice

    Quote Originally Posted by Cracklord View Post
    Forgive me, Mr Tolkien. You do not deserve what I now do to you.

  4. - Top - End - #754
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    Water-Smurf's Avatar

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    Default Re: Crack Pairings IV - You Can't Unread It

    There are people I want to reply to. I will. Next time I make a post.

    But right now, I should say that it's possible that I won't put out an update for a while. I think I'm on the brink of a complete and utter emotional breakdown, so whatever I write will be even worse than it has recently been. I'm not saying that there won't be new chapters--I'm saying that it's possible and you shouldn't be confused if I'm quiet for a while.

    Carry on.

    Spoiler
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    The April Squickies Award for Best Crack Pairing Story


    Thank you so much to Kaytara for the avatar! It's of Redcloak's and Vaarsuvius's love child.

  5. - Top - End - #755
    Colossus in the Playground
     
    CoffeeIncluded's Avatar

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    Default Re: Crack Pairings IV - You Can't Unread It

    Okay, right now I highly suggest that any hugs aimed at me should be given to Water-Smurf instead.

  6. - Top - End - #756
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    Default Re: Crack Pairings IV - You Can't Unread It

    Quote Originally Posted by Water-Smurf View Post
    There are people I want to reply to. I will. Next time I make a post.

    But right now, I should say that it's possible that I won't put out an update for a while. I think I'm on the brink of a complete and utter emotional breakdown, so whatever I write will be even worse than it has recently been. I'm not saying that there won't be new chapters--I'm saying that it's possible and you shouldn't be confused if I'm quiet for a while.

    Carry on.
    Quote Originally Posted by Water-Smurf View Post
    I think I'm on the brink of a complete and utter emotional breakdown, so whatever I write will be even worse than it has recently been.
    Quote Originally Posted by Water-Smurf View Post
    so whatever I write will be even worse than it has recently been.
    Quote Originally Posted by Water-Smurf View Post
    even worse than it has recently been.
    DOES NOT COMPUTE.


    Ahem. In all seriousness though, I wish you the best in getting through your personal struggle, whatever it may be. And you're a terrific writer. Don't think otherwise for a second.

  7. - Top - End - #757
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    Default Re: Crack Pairings IV - You Can't Unread It

    What kind of grade do you have in the different marking periods?
    What's a marking period?

    Quote Originally Posted by Water-Smurf View Post
    sadness


    Also, I present to you...

    The Crack Relationship Diagram of Doom

    http://creately.com/app?diagID=g3iepevo1

    You'll have to manually change the line types to "straight line" after drawing the connections, but out of the services I compared, this one has the greatest resemblance to actually drawing a crack chart on paper. Also, Flash 10 (I think) is required.
    Last edited by Saeyan; 2009-12-22 at 03:50 AM.

    I draw pictures:


    (haven't been updated in a while and you can read the comic here)

  8. - Top - End - #758
    Bugbear in the Playground
     
    doliest's Avatar

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    Default Re: Crack Pairings IV - You Can't Unread It

    Quote Originally Posted by Water-Smurf View Post
    There are people I want to reply to. I will. Next time I make a post.

    But right now, I should say that it's possible that I won't put out an update for a while. I think I'm on the brink of a complete and utter emotional breakdown, so whatever I write will be even worse than it has recently been. I'm not saying that there won't be new chapters--I'm saying that it's possible and you shouldn't be confused if I'm quiet for a while.

    Carry on.
    *Hugs*
    It seems around this time of year everyone ends up having their problems finally catch up to them..maybe it's the world's polar forces conspiring with gravity to give a big screw you to our collective minds. Either way hope you feel better soon; emotional breakdowns tend to suck.
    Doliest's crimes against good taste
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    An Uwe Boll fan, and proud of it. LONG LIVE THE BOLL!

    Also a Michael Bay fan.

    Likes Jar Jar

    Likes FATAL..... No, I'm sorry, but no. Everything else on this list? I like, but while I've done many horrible things in my life, I WILL NOT claim to like FATAL.



    Let's Playing Final Fantasy with extreme prejudice

    Quote Originally Posted by Cracklord View Post
    Forgive me, Mr Tolkien. You do not deserve what I now do to you.

  9. - Top - End - #759
    Dwarf in the Playground
     
    RangerGuy

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    Default Re: Crack Pairings IV - You Can't Unread It

    Hidey-ho folks! I hope you don't mind a new guy dropping in to try his luck? I've got two stories for you folks tonight, both thanks to the random coupling table.

    First up, we have Celia flirting with disaster:
    Spoiler
    Show
    The moonlight illuminated Celia’s skin as she adjusted the straps of her dress. She brought her hand down on the cheap inn’s doorknob. She lingered for a moment before bringing her hand back down to her side, sighing slightly as she did so. She leaned against the wall as she turned back around to the bed where her partner for the night lay, unmoving, as he watched her. Celia found it disconcerting how intently her partner in adultery was looking at her. Clearing her throat, she said, “I’m not a bad person.”

    She allowed her statement to linger for a moment. When her one-night lover gave no reply, she continued. “It’s not like I do this constantly. But sometimes a girl has needs, and, well, I didn’t want to bother R…my boyfriend…with it.” She ran a hand through her hair, eyes cast down to the floor. “It’s not that he doesn’t get me emotionally, he just has a lot to deal with right now. He’s kind of on a mission to save the world. It’s not like a lot of the other world-saving quests going on; if he fails, well…I don’t think I’ll have to worry about my next court date.”

    She bit her lip for a moment before blowing a curl of hair away from her mouth. “My case load has just been so overbearing, that I needed to unwind. When we met at the bar, I didn’t exactly think it would lead to…” she moved her hands in slow circles, trying to find an appropriate way to describe what had happened and settled on “this…but I can’t find it in me to regret it. Not totally, at least. And, well, it was a one night thing, right? It’s not like this’ll haunt me forever.” Before a response could come from her fling, Celia stated, “Yeah, I’m not a bad person.” Clearing her throat, she opened the door and said, “Anyway, it was nice meeting you.” Before leaving and shutting the door behind her.

    Thog scratched his head in confusion as he watched the funny pale lady leave. He wasn’t exactly sure what had just happened with them, but he knew it wasn’t all that bad. Not as great as ice cream, or hugging a kitty, but fun to do. And Thog would do anything fun once. And that gave him a great idea.

    Smiling to himself, the half-orc wrapped the blanket around him as an impromptu robe. Strolling happily to the door, he tore it off its hinges and headed out into the city. He’d always wondered what it’d be like to sled off of a roof.

    He found the sledding to be infinitely more entertaining, his rumbling laughter echoing throughout the skyline of the city.


    In our second story, we have Lien finding how inconvenient it can be to deal with the attention of several suitors:

    Spoiler
    Show
    Lien grimaced as she skewered yet another hobgoblin on her spear. The horrid creature’s sword and shield made a terrible clanging noise as it dropped to the dock. Lien was used to the noise of battle. What she wasn’t used to was the smile plastered on the monster’s face, even as it died. She knew fanaticism could do odd things to a person (or a hobgoblin); having to be around Miko had shown her that. Yet she hadn’t been prepared to see hobgoblins display it to a level that would put even Miyazaki’s to shame. Well, at least give her a run for her money.

    Lien also didn’t understand their tactics. Despite having superior numbers, they chose to come at her one at a time. Which wasn’t odd, after all, considering they went on the same, or nearly the same, initiative. What was odd was the fact that they didn’t try to maneuver around her, attempt to put her in flanking. Instead, they chose to merely come at her in a straight line, which gave her ample time to exploit her Combat Reflexes feat. She gave a small prayer to the Twelve Gods that she had bothered to take it; for a time, she had thought it was a wasted feat slot. Nor did she have much to complain about the hobgoblin’s bizarre tactics. On her honor, not a single one would board, nay, even touch Lord Hinjo’s junk, or those already upon it.

    She thrust her spear towards the latest charging hobgoblin, and allowed her jaw to drop in awe as the creature nearly avoided being impaled just like so many of his comrades. The orange-skinned brute grabbed her by her cloak and brought its axe down, Lien’s eyes helplessly watching its path.

    She was relieved when the creatures axe simply cut off her cloak. She was equally dumbstruck when the creature, smiling widely, held the cloak up to his fellows and screamed, “Guys! Guys! Her cloak! I got her cloak]!”

    Several irritated groans came from the ranks in front of her, and she had to force herself from dropping her spear in shock as some of the hobgoblins threw their weapons down in irritation, others merely groaning. The victor among them continued to hold the cloak up where each of his comrades could see, gloating over the clear dominance it felt it had over them. It would be short lived as Lien slammed her spear into the monster’s turned back, the tip protruding out its stomach. He fell onto the planks of the pier as so many of the others had, cloak still firmly grasped in victory.

    The front ranks of the force came crashing towards her, and Lien set her spear to prepare for the chargers. Her jaw fell open in awe when, instead of crashing in on her like a wave, the goblins fell in upon one another, grasping and clawing for the cloak that lay in their fallen ally’s hand. A huge pile of orange tinted flesh and whirling steel erupted in front of her as the band began to fight one another over the cape. Against her better judgment, Lien dug her spear into the boards of the dock and leaned on it, simply watching the army tear itself apart for a frivolity. She supposed they believed the cloak was magic item which, in fact, it was. Unfortunately for them, it wouldn’t activate for anyone other than a paladin acknowledged by the Twelve Gods.

    She felt the breath escaped her lungs as one of the hobgoblins broke from the tangled mass and rushed towards her, sword drawn. Pulling up her spear, she thrust toward the creature and stifled back a swear as she barely missed. If there was anything that truly irritated her, it was missing opponents Armor Class by one.

    She gritted her teeth as she awaited the sting of steel slashing through her flesh.

    Instead, she got the sting of the monster’s lips against her own. She was too shocked to pull away from the creature, though the feeling wasn’t entirely unpleasant. She would’ve enjoyed it even, had she been able to disassociate it from coming from a creature hell-bent on destroying her city.

    The creature finally broke the lip lock, smirking in satisfaction. The smirk didn’t drop a bit as Lien’s spear penetrated his stomach and, with one last breath, the hobgoblin exclaimed, “Totally worth it.”


    I think the first one is mediocre, though I feel the second is much more entertaining.

    I've done dozens of rolls on the crack pairing tables, so I have several more of these eventually coming. Most of these will be humorous little one offs, though I've found that, amusingly enough, that the random rolls have somehow inadvertently created reoccurring themes (Celia and adultery, for example). Along with these, however, I'm planning to eventually start on a series based around a single pairing that I just can't get out of my head. It's somewhat AU, and while still humorous, would also be a lot more serious than the one-offs I intend to do.

    The pairing is Miko/Therkla, and I don't know how I ended up getting myself obsessed with it (though I'll admit that I've always loved half-orc characters for some reason). It basically assumes that Miko (just barely) survives the explosion of Soon's Gate and is thrown onto Hinjo's junk, while Therkla survives her otherwise fatal poisoning. Originally I had just intended to do the story as a one off as well, but it really grew on me for some reason.

    Anyway, hope you enjoyed my first little forays into this, though I'll admit they aren't my A game and are nowhere near the excellence of many of the stories earlier in the thread.
    Assistant Executioneer of the Fanclub

    Grunt Spearman of the Fanclub

  10. - Top - End - #760
    Titan in the Playground
     
    Asta Kask's Avatar

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    Default Re: Crack Pairings IV - You Can't Unread It

    Quote Originally Posted by doliest View Post
    *Hugs*
    It seems around this time of year everyone ends up having their problems finally catch up to them..maybe it's the world's polar forces conspiring with gravity to give a big screw you to our collective minds. Either way hope you feel better soon; emotional breakdowns tend to suck.
    Or maybe people have Seasonal Affection Disorder, with the appropriate abbreviation SAD. Ah, well, the wise man does not diagnose people over the Internet. Especially when he's not a doctor...

    I am, however, a pharmacologist. CoffeeIncluded, you could try Valerian, which is a mild, non-addictive, anxiolytic and sedative. Be aware, however, that it can have a paradoxical effect (i.e., make your anxiety and night terrors worse), so be on the lookout for those effects.

    Sorry, I'm better at dispensing this kind of advice than dispensing hugs. And remember, if we can help you (either one of you, actually), just ask. We're your friends.
    Last edited by Asta Kask; 2009-12-22 at 04:46 AM.
    Avatar by CoffeeIncluded

    Oooh, and that's a bad miss.

    “Don't exercise your freedom of speech until you have exercised your freedom of thought.”
    ― Tim Fargo

  11. - Top - End - #761
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    Taekwondodo's Avatar

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    Default Re: Crack Pairings IV - You Can't Unread It

    Quote Originally Posted by Nathander View Post
    Hidey-ho folks! I hope you don't mind a new guy dropping in to try his luck? I've got two stories for you folks tonight, both thanks to the random coupling table.

    First up, we have Celia flirting with disaster:
    Spoiler
    Show
    The moonlight illuminated Celia’s skin as she adjusted the straps of her dress. She brought her hand down on the cheap inn’s doorknob. She lingered for a moment before bringing her hand back down to her side, sighing slightly as she did so. She leaned against the wall as she turned back around to the bed where her partner for the night lay, unmoving, as he watched her. Celia found it disconcerting how intently her partner in adultery was looking at her. Clearing her throat, she said, “I’m not a bad person.”

    She allowed her statement to linger for a moment. When her one-night lover gave no reply, she continued. “It’s not like I do this constantly. But sometimes a girl has needs, and, well, I didn’t want to bother R…my boyfriend…with it.” She ran a hand through her hair, eyes cast down to the floor. “It’s not that he doesn’t get me emotionally, he just has a lot to deal with right now. He’s kind of on a mission to save the world. It’s not like a lot of the other world-saving quests going on; if he fails, well…I don’t think I’ll have to worry about my next court date.”

    She bit her lip for a moment before blowing a curl of hair away from her mouth. “My case load has just been so overbearing, that I needed to unwind. When we met at the bar, I didn’t exactly think it would lead to…” she moved her hands in slow circles, trying to find an appropriate way to describe what had happened and settled on “this…but I can’t find it in me to regret it. Not totally, at least. And, well, it was a one night thing, right? It’s not like this’ll haunt me forever.” Before a response could come from her fling, Celia stated, “Yeah, I’m not a bad person.” Clearing her throat, she opened the door and said, “Anyway, it was nice meeting you.” Before leaving and shutting the door behind her.

    Thog scratched his head in confusion as he watched the funny pale lady leave. He wasn’t exactly sure what had just happened with them, but he knew it wasn’t all that bad. Not as great as ice cream, or hugging a kitty, but fun to do. And Thog would do anything fun once. And that gave him a great idea.

    Smiling to himself, the half-orc wrapped the blanket around him as an impromptu robe. Strolling happily to the door, he tore it off its hinges and headed out into the city. He’d always wondered what it’d be like to sled off of a roof.

    He found the sledding to be infinitely more entertaining, his rumbling laughter echoing throughout the skyline of the city.


    In our second story, we have Lien finding how inconvenient it can be to deal with the attention of several suitors:

    Spoiler
    Show
    Lien grimaced as she skewered yet another hobgoblin on her spear. The horrid creature’s sword and shield made a terrible clanging noise as it dropped to the dock. Lien was used to the noise of battle. What she wasn’t used to was the smile plastered on the monster’s face, even as it died. She knew fanaticism could do odd things to a person (or a hobgoblin); having to be around Miko had shown her that. Yet she hadn’t been prepared to see hobgoblins display it to a level that would put even Miyazaki’s to shame. Well, at least give her a run for her money.

    Lien also didn’t understand their tactics. Despite having superior numbers, they chose to come at her one at a time. Which wasn’t odd, after all, considering they went on the same, or nearly the same, initiative. What was odd was the fact that they didn’t try to maneuver around her, attempt to put her in flanking. Instead, they chose to merely come at her in a straight line, which gave her ample time to exploit her Combat Reflexes feat. She gave a small prayer to the Twelve Gods that she had bothered to take it; for a time, she had thought it was a wasted feat slot. Nor did she have much to complain about the hobgoblin’s bizarre tactics. On her honor, not a single one would board, nay, even touch Lord Hinjo’s junk, or those already upon it.

    She thrust her spear towards the latest charging hobgoblin, and allowed her jaw to drop in awe as the creature nearly avoided being impaled just like so many of his comrades. The orange-skinned brute grabbed her by her cloak and brought its axe down, Lien’s eyes helplessly watching its path.

    She was relieved when the creatures axe simply cut off her cloak. She was equally dumbstruck when the creature, smiling widely, held the cloak up to his fellows and screamed, “Guys! Guys! Her cloak! I got her cloak]!”

    Several irritated groans came from the ranks in front of her, and she had to force herself from dropping her spear in shock as some of the hobgoblins threw their weapons down in irritation, others merely groaning. The victor among them continued to hold the cloak up where each of his comrades could see, gloating over the clear dominance it felt it had over them. It would be short lived as Lien slammed her spear into the monster’s turned back, the tip protruding out its stomach. He fell onto the planks of the pier as so many of the others had, cloak still firmly grasped in victory.

    The front ranks of the force came crashing towards her, and Lien set her spear to prepare for the chargers. Her jaw fell open in awe when, instead of crashing in on her like a wave, the goblins fell in upon one another, grasping and clawing for the cloak that lay in their fallen ally’s hand. A huge pile of orange tinted flesh and whirling steel erupted in front of her as the band began to fight one another over the cape. Against her better judgment, Lien dug her spear into the boards of the dock and leaned on it, simply watching the army tear itself apart for a frivolity. She supposed they believed the cloak was magic item which, in fact, it was. Unfortunately for them, it wouldn’t activate for anyone other than a paladin acknowledged by the Twelve Gods.

    She felt the breath escaped her lungs as one of the hobgoblins broke from the tangled mass and rushed towards her, sword drawn. Pulling up her spear, she thrust toward the creature and stifled back a swear as she barely missed. If there was anything that truly irritated her, it was missing opponents Armor Class by one.

    She gritted her teeth as she awaited the sting of steel slashing through her flesh.

    Instead, she got the sting of the monster’s lips against her own. She was too shocked to pull away from the creature, though the feeling wasn’t entirely unpleasant. She would’ve enjoyed it even, had she been able to disassociate it from coming from a creature hell-bent on destroying her city.

    The creature finally broke the lip lock, smirking in satisfaction. The smirk didn’t drop a bit as Lien’s spear penetrated his stomach and, with one last breath, the hobgoblin exclaimed, “Totally worth it.”


    I think the first one is mediocre, though I feel the second is much more entertaining.

    I've done dozens of rolls on the crack pairing tables, so I have several more of these eventually coming. Most of these will be humorous little one offs, though I've found that, amusingly enough, that the random rolls have somehow inadvertently created reoccurring themes (Celia and adultery, for example). Along with these, however, I'm planning to eventually start on a series based around a single pairing that I just can't get out of my head. It's somewhat AU, and while still humorous, would also be a lot more serious than the one-offs I intend to do.

    The pairing is Miko/Therkla, and I don't know how I ended up getting myself obsessed with it (though I'll admit that I've always loved half-orc characters for some reason). It basically assumes that Miko (just barely) survives the explosion of Soon's Gate and is thrown onto Hinjo's junk, while Therkla survives her otherwise fatal poisoning. Originally I had just intended to do the story as a one off as well, but it really grew on me for some reason.

    Anyway, hope you enjoyed my first little forays into this, though I'll admit they aren't my A game and are nowhere near the excellence of many of the stories earlier in the thread.
    *Claps delighted* Don't put yourself down, those were brilliant!

    Saeyan, it says I don't have permission to access the requested diagram?

    Hugs to W-S and Coffee. Feel better soon guys...
    Avatar by me...yup that's how good my drawing is. As in not very good.

    Crack-Pairings, Not Dead Just Moved. Someone Hasn't Been Looking In The Right Places.


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    Quote Originally Posted by Caleniel View Post
    Taekwondodo - your nick and your avatar are terrific. I want to award you something... how about enough melons to see you through the next ice age?

  12. - Top - End - #762
    Ogre in the Playground
     
    Zanaril's Avatar

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    Default Re: Crack Pairings IV - You Can't Unread It

    *offers hugs to everyone* At least Winter's the best time of year for hugs.

    Good luck on your test Coffee, I hope you start feeling better soon.

    You too Water-Smurf. If you can, use the Holidays to kick back and relax. It's always stressful around this time of year.


    *offers hugs again*

    NO CLOSAK! I DIDN'T MEAN Y-! *gets squashed by a black dragon*
    This post may contain sarcasm.
    DeviantArt

  13. - Top - End - #763
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    Saeyan's Avatar

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    Default Re: Crack Pairings IV - You Can't Unread It

    Quote Originally Posted by Taekwondodo View Post
    Saeyan, it says I don't have permission to access the requested diagram?
    I think I know what the problem is. I have to add you to a list of people - how annoying! I thought it was fully public. Bah. Could I have the email you used for sign-up in a PM or something? In fact, all those who are interested in editing the relationship chart, may I have your email addresses?

    In the meantime though, I checked the option for publishing the diagram as an image. That's good news for the rest of you: if you go to http://create.ly/g3iepevo1 it will display the entire chart as an image, and it updates itself whenever you save the chart (delay of about half a minute) so no need for multiple images.

    Regarding SAD, I didn't even know it existed! But it has a very apt acronym. I've been a bit touchy lately as well, blowing up at my parents (apparently it's because I play the role of obedient, well-mannered good student in public) and whatnot. Still, the moon is laughing tonight and there's new crack to read.

    Lastly, welcome to our realm, Nathander, where no one escapes with their minds intact. Nice first stories.

    My first long(ish) post without an edit! I'm so proud of myself!

    I draw pictures:


    (haven't been updated in a while and you can read the comic here)

  14. - Top - End - #764
    Ogre in the Playground
     
    Zanaril's Avatar

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    Default Re: Crack Pairings IV - You Can't Unread It

    Quote Originally Posted by Saeyan View Post
    Could I have the email you used for sign-up in a PM or something? In fact, all those who are interested in editing the relationship chart, may I have your email addresses?
    [email protected]

    Yeah, I'm predictable
    This post may contain sarcasm.
    DeviantArt

  15. - Top - End - #765
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    GreataxeFighterGirl

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    Default Re: Crack Pairings IV - You Can't Unread It

    Hi people, I was induced to stop semilurking again.

    There are two things I wanted to comment on, moreover.

    First, that chart is very good. It's just abstract enough to look like something highly official and important so one can track relationships around even at work, and still clear enough to actually be able to keep up. Just a slight criticism: Where's Yokyok...or Jirix for that matter?

    Secondly, Coffee, many big virtual hugs from here to you, dear. I can appreciate the situation you are in. I hope your exam went well. Physics can be a rhymes-with-witch.

  16. - Top - End - #766
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    The Odor's Avatar

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    smile Re: Crack Pairings IV - You Can't Unread It

    Hugs both W-S and CoffeIncluded. I felt you might need it. Would anyone be intrested in a OOTSXStargate Atlantis cross over. I thought of a way to make it work. All thats been done is great. I promised not to write any thing during the holydays so I wont post in a while.
    Last edited by The Odor; 2009-12-22 at 09:04 AM.
    Evil. Iam diffrent. Have a problem with that...
    My avatars
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    Thanks To Dashwood for Spider avatar.
    Thanks To Mr Saturn for Goth Man avatar.

  17. - Top - End - #767
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    Default Re: Crack Pairings IV - You Can't Unread It

    Quote Originally Posted by The Odor View Post
    Hugs both W-S and CoffeIncluded. I felt you might need it. Would anyone be intrested in a OOTSXStargate Atlantis cross over. I thought of a way to make it work. All thats been done is great. I promised not to write any thing during the holydays so I wont post in a while.
    What I know about Stargate amounts to very little, but I'm always up for reading a crossover. What pairing would it be?
    This post may contain sarcasm.
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    Default Re: Crack Pairings IV - You Can't Unread It

    Quote Originally Posted by Zanaril View Post
    What I know about Stargate amounts to very little, but I'm always up for reading a crossover. What pairing would it be?
    Teyla X V X K X what ever comes to mind
    Evil. Iam diffrent. Have a problem with that...
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    Default Re: Crack Pairings IV - You Can't Unread It

    Quote Originally Posted by The Odor View Post
    V
    Okay, whatever you do has my support.

    ...Wait, all of those characters together? Or as some kind of love triangle/quadrilateral?
    Last edited by Zanaril; 2009-12-22 at 09:37 AM.
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    Default Re: Crack Pairings IV - You Can't Unread It

    *Gives Water-Smurf a hug and a mug of hot spiced chocolate*

    *Tries not to look too awkward or creepy in the process. Resolves not to use CHA as a dump stat in his next life*
    "A single death is a tragedy, a million deaths is a statistic" - Joseph Stalin

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    Default Re: Crack Pairings IV - You Can't Unread It

    Quote Originally Posted by Zanaril View Post
    Okay, whatever you do has my support.

    ...Wait, all of those characters together? Or as some kind of love triangle/quadrilateral?
    Maybe Orgie, maybe many relations. As I said in my earlier post can't I write during my vacation. This is merley a check if someone is intrested.


    Edit: Wait I got Zanaril's support! Now I have to write this.
    Last edited by The Odor; 2009-12-22 at 09:48 AM.
    Evil. Iam diffrent. Have a problem with that...
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    Default Re: Crack Pairings IV - You Can't Unread It

    Quote Originally Posted by Nathander View Post
    Hidey-ho folks! I hope you don't mind a new guy dropping in to try his luck? I've got two stories for you folks tonight, both thanks to the random coupling table.

    First up, we have Celia flirting with disaster:
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    The moonlight illuminated Celia’s skin as she adjusted the straps of her dress. She brought her hand down on the cheap inn’s doorknob. She lingered for a moment before bringing her hand back down to her side, sighing slightly as she did so. She leaned against the wall as she turned back around to the bed where her partner for the night lay, unmoving, as he watched her. Celia found it disconcerting how intently her partner in adultery was looking at her. Clearing her throat, she said, “I’m not a bad person.”

    She allowed her statement to linger for a moment. When her one-night lover gave no reply, she continued. “It’s not like I do this constantly. But sometimes a girl has needs, and, well, I didn’t want to bother R…my boyfriend…with it.” She ran a hand through her hair, eyes cast down to the floor. “It’s not that he doesn’t get me emotionally, he just has a lot to deal with right now. He’s kind of on a mission to save the world. It’s not like a lot of the other world-saving quests going on; if he fails, well…I don’t think I’ll have to worry about my next court date.”

    She bit her lip for a moment before blowing a curl of hair away from her mouth. “My case load has just been so overbearing, that I needed to unwind. When we met at the bar, I didn’t exactly think it would lead to…” she moved her hands in slow circles, trying to find an appropriate way to describe what had happened and settled on “this…but I can’t find it in me to regret it. Not totally, at least. And, well, it was a one night thing, right? It’s not like this’ll haunt me forever.” Before a response could come from her fling, Celia stated, “Yeah, I’m not a bad person.” Clearing her throat, she opened the door and said, “Anyway, it was nice meeting you.” Before leaving and shutting the door behind her.

    Thog scratched his head in confusion as he watched the funny pale lady leave. He wasn’t exactly sure what had just happened with them, but he knew it wasn’t all that bad. Not as great as ice cream, or hugging a kitty, but fun to do. And Thog would do anything fun once. And that gave him a great idea.

    Smiling to himself, the half-orc wrapped the blanket around him as an impromptu robe. Strolling happily to the door, he tore it off its hinges and headed out into the city. He’d always wondered what it’d be like to sled off of a roof.

    He found the sledding to be infinitely more entertaining, his rumbling laughter echoing throughout the skyline of the city.


    In our second story, we have Lien finding how inconvenient it can be to deal with the attention of several suitors:

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    Lien grimaced as she skewered yet another hobgoblin on her spear. The horrid creature’s sword and shield made a terrible clanging noise as it dropped to the dock. Lien was used to the noise of battle. What she wasn’t used to was the smile plastered on the monster’s face, even as it died. She knew fanaticism could do odd things to a person (or a hobgoblin); having to be around Miko had shown her that. Yet she hadn’t been prepared to see hobgoblins display it to a level that would put even Miyazaki’s to shame. Well, at least give her a run for her money.

    Lien also didn’t understand their tactics. Despite having superior numbers, they chose to come at her one at a time. Which wasn’t odd, after all, considering they went on the same, or nearly the same, initiative. What was odd was the fact that they didn’t try to maneuver around her, attempt to put her in flanking. Instead, they chose to merely come at her in a straight line, which gave her ample time to exploit her Combat Reflexes feat. She gave a small prayer to the Twelve Gods that she had bothered to take it; for a time, she had thought it was a wasted feat slot. Nor did she have much to complain about the hobgoblin’s bizarre tactics. On her honor, not a single one would board, nay, even touch Lord Hinjo’s junk, or those already upon it.

    She thrust her spear towards the latest charging hobgoblin, and allowed her jaw to drop in awe as the creature nearly avoided being impaled just like so many of his comrades. The orange-skinned brute grabbed her by her cloak and brought its axe down, Lien’s eyes helplessly watching its path.

    She was relieved when the creatures axe simply cut off her cloak. She was equally dumbstruck when the creature, smiling widely, held the cloak up to his fellows and screamed, “Guys! Guys! Her cloak! I got her cloak]!”

    Several irritated groans came from the ranks in front of her, and she had to force herself from dropping her spear in shock as some of the hobgoblins threw their weapons down in irritation, others merely groaning. The victor among them continued to hold the cloak up where each of his comrades could see, gloating over the clear dominance it felt it had over them. It would be short lived as Lien slammed her spear into the monster’s turned back, the tip protruding out its stomach. He fell onto the planks of the pier as so many of the others had, cloak still firmly grasped in victory.

    The front ranks of the force came crashing towards her, and Lien set her spear to prepare for the chargers. Her jaw fell open in awe when, instead of crashing in on her like a wave, the goblins fell in upon one another, grasping and clawing for the cloak that lay in their fallen ally’s hand. A huge pile of orange tinted flesh and whirling steel erupted in front of her as the band began to fight one another over the cape. Against her better judgment, Lien dug her spear into the boards of the dock and leaned on it, simply watching the army tear itself apart for a frivolity. She supposed they believed the cloak was magic item which, in fact, it was. Unfortunately for them, it wouldn’t activate for anyone other than a paladin acknowledged by the Twelve Gods.

    She felt the breath escaped her lungs as one of the hobgoblins broke from the tangled mass and rushed towards her, sword drawn. Pulling up her spear, she thrust toward the creature and stifled back a swear as she barely missed. If there was anything that truly irritated her, it was missing opponents Armor Class by one.

    She gritted her teeth as she awaited the sting of steel slashing through her flesh.

    Instead, she got the sting of the monster’s lips against her own. She was too shocked to pull away from the creature, though the feeling wasn’t entirely unpleasant. She would’ve enjoyed it even, had she been able to disassociate it from coming from a creature hell-bent on destroying her city.

    The creature finally broke the lip lock, smirking in satisfaction. The smirk didn’t drop a bit as Lien’s spear penetrated his stomach and, with one last breath, the hobgoblin exclaimed, “Totally worth it.”


    I think the first one is mediocre, though I feel the second is much more entertaining.

    I've done dozens of rolls on the crack pairing tables, so I have several more of these eventually coming. Most of these will be humorous little one offs, though I've found that, amusingly enough, that the random rolls have somehow inadvertently created reoccurring themes (Celia and adultery, for example). Along with these, however, I'm planning to eventually start on a series based around a single pairing that I just can't get out of my head. It's somewhat AU, and while still humorous, would also be a lot more serious than the one-offs I intend to do.

    The pairing is Miko/Therkla, and I don't know how I ended up getting myself obsessed with it (though I'll admit that I've always loved half-orc characters for some reason). It basically assumes that Miko (just barely) survives the explosion of Soon's Gate and is thrown onto Hinjo's junk, while Therkla survives her otherwise fatal poisoning. Originally I had just intended to do the story as a one off as well, but it really grew on me for some reason.

    Anyway, hope you enjoyed my first little forays into this, though I'll admit they aren't my A game and are nowhere near the excellence of many of the stories earlier in the thread.
    Those were actually rather good; Thog was well written and the Hobgoblin army was hilarious.
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    An Uwe Boll fan, and proud of it. LONG LIVE THE BOLL!

    Also a Michael Bay fan.

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    Likes FATAL..... No, I'm sorry, but no. Everything else on this list? I like, but while I've done many horrible things in my life, I WILL NOT claim to like FATAL.



    Let's Playing Final Fantasy with extreme prejudice

    Quote Originally Posted by Cracklord View Post
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    Default Re: Crack Pairings IV - You Can't Unread It

    Quote Originally Posted by Saeyan View Post
    I think I know what the problem is. I have to add you to a list of people - how annoying! I thought it was fully public. Bah. Could I have the email you used for sign-up in a PM or something? In fact, all those who are interested in editing the relationship chart, may I have your email addresses?
    Sent you a PM. Do you know which stories you've added so far? Just your own?
    Avatar by me...yup that's how good my drawing is. As in not very good.

    Crack-Pairings, Not Dead Just Moved. Someone Hasn't Been Looking In The Right Places.


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    Quote Originally Posted by Caleniel View Post
    Taekwondodo - your nick and your avatar are terrific. I want to award you something... how about enough melons to see you through the next ice age?

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    Default Re: Crack Pairings IV - You Can't Unread It

    Okay, I'd be the first to admit my story sucked, but can someone at least comment on it?
    Oh, and I have cookies for anyone who needs them.

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    Default Re: Crack Pairings IV - You Can't Unread It

    *takes cookie, extracts recipe and makes 80 batches*

    Anyways, yeah, I'll hop on the V bike and ride it into Redcloakland down the Tiasal Path.
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    Default Re: Crack Pairings IV - You Can't Unread It

    Quote Originally Posted by BatRobin View Post
    Anyways, yeah, I'll hop on the V bike and ride it into Redcloakland down the Tiasal Path.
    That sounded wrong, but also strangely right.
    Last edited by Zanaril; 2009-12-22 at 05:07 PM.
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    Default Re: Crack Pairings IV - You Can't Unread It

    Quote Originally Posted by Lawyergoblin View Post
    Okay, I'd be the first to admit my story sucked, but can someone at least comment on it?
    Oh, and I have cookies for anyone who needs them.
    Finally! A sign that I'm not the only person on this thread!

    Quote Originally Posted by Lawyergoblin View Post
    I give to you, CHAPTER ONE OF REDCLAOKxCELIA!
    I would very much enjoy it if people would respond to this.

    --------------------------------------------------------------------------
    We gather here today to mark the trial of this goblin, faced with war crimes against Azure city and against weakening the fabric of the universe. We ask our twelve gods to-” “EXCUSE ME!”

    Hinjo was cut off by the goblin standing in the center of the throne room. The crimson mantle had been taken from him, and he still stood erect despite the many wounds he had suffered.

    “I would like to be quoted as saying that your barnyard gods suck, and, this entire situation is their fault.”

    A collective gasp spread quickly around the room. Hinjo’s contorted into a look of rage as he stood by the thrown.

    “How dare you! The only reason the so humanoids have died throughout the years revolves around the fact that-”

    Again the goblin cut Hinjo off mid-sentence.

    “I also wish it to be known that I have a right to an attorney. I have read all of your Azure law books in my many years of living”

    The goblin smirked. All eyes in the room swiveled to Hinjo.

    “Well, um,” Hinjo sighed and hung his head. “The goblin is correct. He will be given an attorney.”

    Many loud voices resounded out through the crowd, as none liked this new announcement. Especially the Order. They stood near the back, conversing out Hinjo’s sight, trying to decipher the situation.

    "Did I hear that right? The goblin will get an attorney?"

    "Yes Elan, But we have a more important problem on our hands. Who would act as a defense lawyer for him?"

    "The only one we know of is Celia, but she'd never do that case."

    "Actually, I would."

    "WHAT! Celia, you can’t, that guy was in the dungeon, he'd kill you!"

    "No Roy, I don't believe he would."

    "And why is that, pray tell?"

    "Because I know him"

    The rest of the order simply gaped. Only Belkar wasn’t fazed.

    “Do you mean you’ve meet him, or-”

    Roy raised his voice in a warning tone.

    “Belkar…”

    “Alright already, Can’t I have any fun?”
    --------------------------------------------------------------------------

    Sorry it's so short, but I don't have much free time on my hands. I hope to continue it later.
    This is an okay start, though it would have been nice if you'd included more info on who was speaking when.

    Quote Originally Posted by Lawyergoblin View Post
    Here I go agian. Part two. With a Spoiler!
    (Plus, I had to change two things from the comic. Can you guess which ones?)

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    Pain. Redcloak felt pain. That and much emotion. Words burled inside his head like a swarm of anger. Fear. Doubt. Failure. Anger, anger more than anything else. Ghosts swirled around him shouting, yelling, telling him what a bad job he had done.

    Redcloak curled into a tighter bundle on the dirty mat. All he could do was stammer over and over again. “I tried. I tried. Revered Master, Unholy Dark one, I TRIED!”

    He felt more pain. He had forgotten all that had happened sense that red-headed human shot him with the arrow. He briefly remembered his soldiers getting killed, and Xykon leaving him behind, leaving with some other human. He remembered being bound, and thrown in this cell. Then he remembered the most recent memory. Getting angry, at some…some paladin. A mob, he remembered that. Stones, anger, more pain. He heard the door open but felt no reaction.

    He heard a voice. Someone was talking to him. He had to pull it together.

    Grunting under the pain Redcloak sat up. Blinking his eyes, the cell slowly came into focus.

    Celia was standing in front of him. Celia? Celia! All his thoughts forgotten Redcloak Leapt to his feet.

    “Celia? I thought you died in the explosion of the dungeon! I-”

    Celia put a hand over his mouth. She spoke softly.

    “Those days are over Redcloak. Gone and done.”

    Redcloak lightly pushed the hand from his face. He spoke tenderly.

    “I know. I’m just glad to see you. Why are you here?”

    “I’m going to be your attorney.”

    Redcloak’s eyes widened slightly, but he forced them level. He swallowed.

    “My…attorney?”

    “Yes, that’s right.”

    Redcloak showed no more emotion, his brain now working on a way to win the case, as now he actually had a chance. He knew the Azurite laws, probably better than most of the what would be the jury members, but the paladins? They would be a problem. Celia stared at his face, she knew his different expressions, and could tell he was deep in thought.

    “Do you have any ideas?”

    “Maybe…”

    Redcloak left it at that. Celia knew him better than to question him when he was in this faze, and before she left the room she called back.

    “I will be reading the Azurite law books, if you have something to tell me just ask the guards. They will fetch me.”

    Still in thought, and trying hard to keep the demons that haunted him away by thinking hard, Redcloak simply waved her out.

    “Alright. I will call if I need you.”

    Redcloak sat down again on the mat, letting his green skin touch the cool stone. He had no ideas. Nothing. He held his head in his hands, sighing slightly as he tried to focus on the situation involving his case. He spoke softly to himself, throwing possible explanations back and forth in his sub-conscious.

    “Plead guilty for reduced sentence? Wouldn’t work , I’d still get death sentence. Paladins are uptight, I might be able to insult one enough it would kill me, and their idiotic code of honor would force them to resurrect me, but no, I would still die and I don’t want that.”

    Before he could start again he heard a voice from the cell over.

    “Hey, Goblin. You trying to bust out or something?”

    Redcloak turned to see a Halfling behind the bars. Redcloak stared quizzically, first wondering why a Halfling would be in jail, and then if he had seen the same one before.

    “Do I know you?”

    “Probably, me and my dorks of an adventuring party stormed Xykon’s dungeon last year.”

    “Hmm. I see. Oh, and yes, I am trying to get out.”

    “And Celia is our attorney?”

    “Yes, why?”


    The Halfling sat backing his sell. His face turned from curious to annoyed pout.
    “Goddamnit! She’s acting for some weird goblin’s case but not mine? Great, just great.”

    -------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

    Back in her room Celia thought over her books. She also pulled apart the last case she was in. The Order’s case involved the weakening of the fabric of the universe, maybe she could find something there? She opened her notes from that case and began flipping through them. She was about to put the thin pad away when something caught her eye. It was a piece of blue paper, with some scribbled writing on it. Absent-mindedly she pulled it out, and read what was written on it;

    Angel summoned for final verdict turned out to be Roy’s father.

    Then it hit her. She had a way out.


    I know writing isn't very good, nor is it very long, but I worked hard on it and I hope you like it.
    O-kay, that is a lot of spelling errors. And weren't we in a courtroom or something just a minute ago?

    Still, the story's good, and you certainly have a grasp of the characters' personalities. And since Part two was much better than Part one, I guess that means you're improving. Keep that up and by the time you're done, you might have something to rival even Water-Smurf.
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    ...I feel ignored.

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    Default Re: Crack Pairings IV - You Can't Unread It

    Quote Originally Posted by CoffeeIncluded View Post
    Okay, right now I highly suggest that any hugs aimed at me should be given to Water-Smurf instead.
    What? Its the holidays. There's plenty of hugs to go around to give both of you.

    *Gives warm friendly hugs to Water-Smurf and Coffee*

    Hope you both feel better.
    Your local Cleric.

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    (yes, that is possible)

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    Default Re: Crack Pairings IV - You Can't Unread It

    Quote Originally Posted by Aaron View Post
    What? Its the holidays. There's plenty of hugs to go around to give both of you.
    Are you kidding? We're in the middle of a hug shortage!

    We should have a big ol' group hug to conserve resources.
    It's been a bit, GitP. If you're reading this, you're either digging through old stuff, or I've posted for the first time in forever.

    If you want to stay in touch, reach out to me on twitter (same username).

    The best answer is always to ask your DM.
    Unless you're the DM, in which case you should talk to your players.

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    Default Re: Crack Pairings IV - You Can't Unread It

    Quote Originally Posted by The Dark Fiddler View Post
    We should have a big ol' group hug to conserve resources.
    Agreed!

    Except Closak, he's excluded for being a dragon.
    This post may contain sarcasm.
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