Crack Pairings VIII - We Need A Half-Elf Template

[Conuly]

Two things about that one: first, it is hilarious; and second, why else would V be in the same room as Haley for the night?

You're in the crack pairings thread, and you're seriously asking that question? Maybe V and Haley like to, you know, do it. And they don't want to have to sneak around. (That's why they didn't share with Miko.)

Of course, that doesn't answer the V's gender question either....

[licoot]

YakYakxTivo. No comment. (that is prompting some terrible images...OH GOD THE PAIN! MAKE IT STOP!)

i did yak yak and the tivo, didn't know if you meant yik yik or yak yak

[Lix Lorn]

Nice picture, but the Kobold looks like just some random person. An AWESOME one. XD

[licoot]

Nice picture, but the Kobold looks like just some random person. An AWESOME one. XD

thanks
also i tried making him more kobold like, but i couldn't get expression

[Lix Lorn]

He looks like he should be a chaotic good bard. Like Elan with an Alter Self to kobold. XD

[licoot]

He looks like he should be a chaotic good bard. Like Elan with an Alter Self to kobold. XD

a bit yeah

[Lix Lorn]

I want to play a chaotic good kobold bard now. XD

[Zanaril]

He looks like he should be a chaotic good bard. Like Elan with an Alter Self to kobold. XD

...can't unsee...

[Lix Lorn]

Why would you want to?

[Zanaril]

Why would you want to?

Because - this being the crack pairings thread - of some of the possible reasons he might want to be a kobold temporarily.

Also Belkar is probably going to harvest his kidneys.

[Lix Lorn]

ElanYikYik?

[ShinyDelusion]

Here's the next installment of my AulaxTiberiusxAarindarius thingie:

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“Master,” said the dark-haired elf timidly, fidgeting with the pages of his spellbook, which he held before him almost like a shield.

“What is it, Dominic?” said Aarindarius, looking up from a book about how to collect herbs that could be used as spell components.

“About last year…” The boy bit his lip, stared at the ground. “The rabbits,” he choked out at last, “I never apologized for what I did. I’m sorry.”

“You did apologize,” said Aarindarius, a little too quickly; that day had come up often enough in his trances that he knew every detail intimately.

“I…” Dominic said, his voice cracking, his usually pale face burning red with shame, “I was not sincere, that first time. Today I am.”

“You are?” said Aarindarius, raising an eyebrow and trying to make eye-contact with the boy.

“When I go adventuring,” his student said, “I think I’d like to be the party healer.”

“That will take some learning,” said Aarindarius, rising from his chair and turning to a bookshelf, running his finger along the spines of the books in search of some medical title, “And it will be difficult learning for you Dominic; so far you’ve only ever taken ranks in Knowledge, and Healing is Wisdom.” He glanced over his shoulder. “Are you sure you’re ready for this?”

The boy met his eyes at last. “Yes.”

Aarindarius smiled as his eyes slowly opened. That had been one of the best trances he’d had in weeks. He blinked a few times, startled, as his own flustered reflection blinked back at him.

“Good morning,” said the blue-haired elf beside his reflection. Aarindarius turned his head away from the mirror on the ceiling.

“Tiberius,” he sighed, shaking his head, “I’ll never get used to waking up here.” But at least I have clothes on this time… he added to himself.

“Pity,” Tiberius replied, sitting up, “And quite a surprise, considering how much you’ve been over here this past month. I do believe this is your eighth visit in the past twenty days. Although, I might point out, it is the first where you actually wanted to just talk.” With a wink he added, “Not that we mind.”

Aarindarius shook his head. “You must be rubbing off on me—don’t.”

Tiberius obediently bit back the obvious joke, instead giggling mischievously. “Are you feeling better?” he asked after a pause.

“Yes,” said Aarindarius emphatically, also sitting up, “Thank you.”

“You’re welcome,” said Tiberius. “You know, it’s definitely for the best that you’re finally feeling like yourself again,” he said casually, “The way you’ve been visiting Aula and me so much right after your student left… Well, what will the parents say?”

“Your shameless!” Aarindarius declared, falling back on the bed and grinning up at his reflection and the upturned blue tassel that was Tiberius’s hair. Rubbing his eyes, he asked, “Where’s Aula?”

“Gone to pay Hortensia a visit,” Tiberius replied.

“The cleric?”

“Mm-hm.”

“I thought she wasn’t her type.”

Tiberius let out a short bark of a laugh. “First of all, friend,” he said, “You know as well as I do that Aula’s ‘type’ is ‘has a body’—”

“I was talking about Hortensia…” Aarindarius murmured.

“Secondly,” Tiberius continued, “She wants to see if she’s pregnant yet, silly. You know we’ve been trying since we got married.”

“Oh,” said Aarindarius, “Right.”

“I hope we’ll have a girl first,” said Tiberius dreamily, lying back down next to Aarindarius, “It’ll be like having two Aulas around the house.”

Trying to put all the possible implications of that statement out of his mind, Aarindarius said jokingly, “If I were you, I’d just hope it was yours.”

Tiberius shrugged. “I just want to raise a nice big family with her; I have for a long time. You know that.”

“Yes, I know,” Aarindarius said solemnly, wondering if Tiberius was about the bring up—

“That’s why Clarissa and I divorced after just twenty-five years, you know,” said Tiberius simply, “We couldn’t have children. She’s had three little girls with her new husband, now.”

The statement hung in the air a long time.

“I’m sorry,” said Aarindarius at last, turning his head to look at his friend.

Tiberius shrugged again. “Aula and I will have a lot of kids. I know we will.” He turned his head to look at Aarindarius, staring into his friend’s shimmering violet eyes. He smiled. “Cheer up,” he said.

Aarindarius smiled back weakly.

“That’s just pitiful,” said Tiberius with a scoff, sitting up. “I guess I’ll just have to cheer you up myself.”

“Get off,” said Aarindarius, rolling his eyes as his friend advanced upon him.

“Give me one good reason,” said Tiberius before ducking down quickly to nip his friend on the ear.

“Hey!” the lavender-haired elf cried, blushing a deep crimson.

“That’s what I thought,” said Tiberius, beginning to repeat the movement before stopping mid-nibble. “I’m hungry.”

“I’ll make you breakfast,” Aarindarius said quickly.

“Will it be chocolate cake?” asked Tiberius with enthusiasm, seeming to have forgotten what he’d been planning to do.

“For breakfast?”

“Yeah,” said Tiberius, starting to slide off the bed, “That way we can finish this up while it’s baking.”

“Fine,” said Aarindarius, sitting up. No matter how hard he tried, he couldn’t stop his petulant scowl from melting into an eager grin.

There's probably some deviation from Smurf-Cannon in there, but I hope she will find it forgivable.

Comments appreciated.

[Tira-chan]

Part 2 time!

I'm using newMovie!canon for this fic, since it brings up an interesting plot point between the two of them. That being said, this plot point is a MAJOR spoiler for the movie, so if you haven't seen it yet and are planning to at some point... well, you've Been Warned.

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First Officer's Log, Stardate: still unknown
I have decided to make an alliance with the adventuring party known as the Order of the Stick. They seem to be a fairly noble group, but I have serious concerns as to their efficiency. Nearly every member, including their leader, exhibits highly illogical behavior, and they quarrel almost constantly.
The world in which I have found refuge is highly unusual in its similarities to Earth. Several of its inhabitants refer to themselves as humans. However, there is also a large number of other sapient beings that I have never heard of before. There is also a strange sort of system to this world - there is constant talk of 'levels' and 'experience,' as if it was some mathematical force governing the entire universe. It is possibly related to the magic they claim to practice, which I plan to seek further data on. I have been offered instruction on this topic by the party's wizard, an 'elf' (query meaning of this term to captain) known as Vaarsuvius, who seems to be the most sensible of the six, and appears to belong to a species remarkably similar to my own. (Aside to the Captain, who, I am sure, will read this report - please do not make any personal remarks in your log on this topic. The ones concerning Lt. Uhura and myself are also unnecessary.)

"So you're from space? That is SO cool. What's it like in space? Do you wear a helmet and eat funny ice cream all the time? Is your planet one of the ice ones, or one of the fire ones?"
Spock had spent all day resisting the urge to sigh. The blonde human seemed to be enthralled with him; he certainly seemed curious. "As I have explained before, the ships in which we travel are entirely enclosed, so I may simply wear my uniform, and a replicator can provide food of any variety. As for my planet it is - or rather, it was - of varied climates, similar to Earth itself." He paused. He had no desire to discuss the loss of his home with anyone, much less the bard, but he was sure he was going to ask. The question was forming on his lips before Vaarsuvius interrupted.
"I believe it has reached the first burgeoning hours of twilight," said the elf, perhaps rather louder than was necessary. "It would be advisable to stop here for now, Sir Greenhilt."
"Great," replied a thankful Roy. It'd been a long day of walking, and Elan was rubbing on his last nerve, too. "Hey V, weren't you going to go over some magic with Spock or something?"
"Yes, I had planned on that. I believe it would be conductive to attempt this exercise some distance from the remainder of the party, based on the quantity of noise that usually ensues from any such activity. This way, Mr. Spock, if it pleases you."
"Certainly."
The elf led them to a small clearing, and Spock took a seat on a convenient stump. Vaarsuvius was slightly amused to notice that he had pulled out his pencil and notebook again.
"So, it is your desire to learn to master the most mighty and complex of forces, that of magic, which governs over much of this world?"
"It would seem logical, yes."
"Very well, then. It is a difficult art, and not one which should be taken lightly. However, I shall make an endeavor to convey as much of my not inconsiderable knowledge as best I can, a lengthy task though it may be."
Vaarsuvius proceeded to do exactly that. It was indeed a lengthy task - two hours later, the elf was finally winding down, after having touched on topics stemming from basic magical theory to complex hypotheses of Vaarsuvius' own. And Spock had written it all down. Vaarsuvius was not so much amused as impressed. Still there was something else the elf wanted to ask about.
"Please forgive my intrusion into what I'm sure are extremely private matters, but I must ask you. Earlier I believed you described your planet using the past tense. Is there a particular reason behind this?"
"Yes," he replied, as calmly as before. "It was destroyed by a madman seeking revenge."
"Then I am extremely sorry for you. I as well nearly lost my family recently. It was through some... extremely questionable application of magic that they were saved."
"Then you were luckier than I was."
There was a pause. "Do you wish to continue the instruction tomorrow."
"Yes. I believe that would be the logical course of action."

Over the next few days, a pattern started to develop. Every evening, the two would walk off alone for Vaarsuvius' magic instructions. The elf was enthusiastic about the subject, and the Vulcan a fast learner. At last, the subject of practical lessons came up.
"I believe that it would be an advisable course of action for you to attempt actual spellcasting. It would at least act as a barometer for how far you have come in your knowledge."
"I had thought it took several years, even decades to master?"
"If one is a beginner, certainly. But one of the logical departures which this universe too often forces upon us, it is far easier for someone with past experience of any nature to master the control of this delicate art. Try a Dancing Lights spell." Vaarsuvius cast the spell easily, Spock watching carefully. The four pink lights danced in the fading sunset.
His own attempts were less successful; the words were easy enough, but the hand motions were fairly complicated. Vaarsuvius watched with a dissatisfied expression.
"Like this," said the elf firmly, grabbing the other's wrist, causing him to grow unusually still. Vaarsuvius ignored his reaction, moving his hand in the correct motions. The next attempt was more successful; four blinking blue lights joined the pink ones.
"Fascinating," he murmured, staring transfixedly at the lights. "It produces a most... unexpected sensation."
"You find it distasteful?"
"On the contrary, it is actually quite pleasurable."
There was a pause in the conversation. Vaarsuvius suddenly realized they were standing extremely close together. The lights seemed to reflect this, as they grew closer, shining a pale purple light on the pair. Vaarsuvius dismissed the spell with an emphatic wave. "An extremely successful lesson. I would advise you to study what I have already taught you about the different schools of magic, and consider a possible specialization."
"I shall make an effort to do so."
The elf left the clearing they had been using, wearing an oddly bemused look. Spock remained for a second as if considering something; then he too returned to the camp, his own spell blinking out as he left the range.

Wow, it's hard to avoid pronouns. >_>

[ShinyDelusion]

Ooo, nice update, Tira-chan! Elan babbling questions at Spock made me laugh, and the bit at the end with their lights dancing together made me d'aww. Can't wait to see what's next! So did this Spock end up on OotSverse during the movie or at some ambiguous point afterward?

[Tira-chan]

Ooo, nice update, Tira-chan! Elan babbling questions at Spock made me laugh, and the bit at the end with their lights dancing together made me d'aww. Can't wait to see what's next! So did this Spock end up on OotSverse during the movie or at some ambiguous point afterward?

Ambiguous point afterward. Presumably the Enterprise was doin' it's thing when they ran into the "quantum barrier" mentioned at the beginning of the first chapter (total Treknobabble on my part, btw). It caused a Transporter Accident(TM), stranding him there with some barely functioning gear. Why exactly all this happened, I have no idea, but it fits the usual vague explanations for the setup behind most Original Series episodes.

[CoffeeIncluded]

Oooh! Nice update, both of you!

Chocolate cake for breakfast? Can I come? Pleeaaase?

And Elan with Spock made me laugh too. Even in space, he's genre savvy.

[ShinyDelusion]

Ambiguous point afterward. Presumably the Enterprise was doin' it's thing when they ran into the "quantum barrier" mentioned at the beginning of the first chapter (total Treknobabble on my part, btw). It caused a Transporter Accident(TM), stranding him there with some barely functioning gear. Why exactly all this happened, I have no idea, but it fits the usual vague explanations for the setup behind most Original Series episodes.

Ah, that makes sense. Do you plan on having any "meanwhile, back on the Enterprise" interludes that will show us how much trouble they're having getting him back (assuming a B-plot involving Klingons didn't generate in the meantime)?

Oooh! Nice update, both of you!

Chocolate cake for breakfast? Can I come? Pleeaaase?

Thanks!

Of course! It's made of milk, flour, and eggs, among other things, which means it's healthy, which means it's the perfect breakfast food!

[CoffeeIncluded]

Of course! It's made of milk, flour, and eggs, among other things, which means it's healthy, which means it's the perfect breakfast food!

And chocolate! Did you know that chocolate's good for you when consumed in moderation?

[Tira-chan]

Ah, that makes sense. Do you plan on having any "meanwhile, back on the Enterprise" interludes that will show us how much trouble they're having getting him back (assuming a B-plot involving Klingons didn't generate in the meantime)?

Hmm, hadn't thought of that. Probably not, since I don't have much faith in my ability to write any of the other Trek characters, and my lack of knowledge about what level of tech they might reasonably have is astoundingly low, but it might make for an amusing interlude.

[ShinyDelusion]

And chocolate! Did you know that chocolate's good for you when consumed in moderation?

Precisely. Tiberius knows all about health. *nodnod*

Hmm, hadn't thought of that. Probably not, since I don't have much faith in my ability to write any of the other Trek characters, and my lack of knowledge about what level of tech they might reasonably have is astoundingly low, but it might make for an amusing interlude.

It could. I also thought it might be funny if some Enterprise crewmembers got a chance to briefly encounter some OotS characters.

[CoffeeIncluded]

Precisely. Tiberius knows all about health. *nodnod*



It could. I also thought it might be funny if some Enterprise crewmembers got a chance to briefly encounter some OotS characters.

So is he a doctor?

Ooh! That would be awesome!

Hey, Water-Smurf! How's the break going so far?

[ShinyDelusion]

So is he a doctor?

He probably knows how to play doctor...

[Draconi Redfir]

i see your going off the new star trek movie's continueity. Vulcan was never distroyed in the TV shows.

[Tira-chan]

i see your going off the new star trek movie's continueity. Vulcan was never distroyed in the TV shows.

Um, yeah, that's what my author's note said, though I'd prefer it if you didn't post such blatant spoilers openly. It's mostly because my Spock doll was released for the movie, and that's what kickstarted their relationship. But it also brings up a very interesting point that I plan to use later as a source of conflict. *rest spoilers for both movie and fic*

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Namely, on the surface, they're in very similar situations. Both of them experienced a violent threat to their family, brought about by someone seeking revenge against them personally, and both of them ended up compromising their principles because of it. But really V and Nero are the two who have more in common - both of them were willing to commit genocide because they were upset about what had or could happen to their families. Their methods were quite different (25 years of planning vs. a few minutes of passion and possession) but the scale is still closer. There will definitely be some conflict from V seeing the comparison, and I'm looking very forward to exploring it.

[Asta Kask]

Here's the next installment of my AulaxTiberiusxAarindarius thingie:

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*story*

There's probably some deviation from Smurf-Cannon in there, but I hope she will find it forgivable.

Comments appreciated.

I think you mean Smurf-Canon. Although a Smurf-Cannon would be interesting. I wonder how far the little suckers can fly with the proper incentive...

You have a very good grasp of dialogue - it's difficult to write without it sounding forced or formal. This flows excellently. Well done. I'll let other weigh in on characterization - I'm not that familiar with the characters.

Tira-Chan - praise all around. You have a good grasp of Spock's personality and I laughed a lot at Elan's questions...b

[Lix Lorn]

I really liked both the two chapters i saw! ^_^
I am almost tempted to ship the entire two casts together. XD

[ShinyDelusion]

I think you mean Smurf-Canon. Although a Smurf-Cannon would be interesting. I wonder how far the little suckers can fly with the proper incentive...

Oops! Yeah, that's what I meant, although now I have a nice, entertaining, mental image to get me through today's less-than-pleasant moments

You have a very good grasp of dialogue - it's difficult to write without it sounding forced or formal. This flows excellently. Well done. I'll let other weigh in on characterization - I'm not that familiar with the characters.

Thank you!

[Sereg]

I also enjoyed Shiny's and Tira-chan's latest work. Oh, and as I forgot to mention it last time: Yes, I am a Discworld fan, however, I've only read a few of the novels so far, it's a large series to get through.

[Zanaril]

Here's the next installment of my AulaxTiberiusxAarindarius thingie:

Comments appreciated.

They have a mirror above their bed? *snort* Why am I not surprised...

I love it; Tiberius is adorably childish.

[Lix Lorn]

Hehe. Mirror.

I seem to have combined the image. My mental picture is of Water-Smurf (Who looks like Tiasal in my head) being launched out of a cannon. O_o

(Goes to catch)