Crack Pairings IV - You Can't Unread It

[CoffeeIncluded]

Oh and one response that I apparently missed, heh...

CoffeeIncluded, that was mightily excellent!

I was reminded of those videos in YouTube of people seeing TGOC for the first time.

Actually...That's exactly what I was going for here.

[Nathander]

ShinyDelusion and CoffeeIncluded, your stories are fantastic. Really, they're great in all the ways they're supposed to be. It kinda sucks being both apparently one of the oldest participants in this thread and also having my work blown out of the water by everyone else.

As for Christmas this year, it went fairly well for me. My sister was in a good mood for the first time in about two-three years on the holiday, which really helped things. The only thing that really made me bummed out today was remembering that my store is cutting hours for the next few weeks. I really hope that doesn't last, or I'm going to be in trouble.

Still, I hope that everyone's holiday is going well, or at least has a bit of happiness in it.

[Monzach]

Oh and one response that I apparently missed, heh...



Actually...That's exactly what I was going for here.

Y'know...I could actually tell that.

A lady after my own heart, then.

[Dark_Stryke]

Here's a slightly belated Christmas gift to anyone who even remembers my story. Hot off the presses it's:

Chapter 4: Troubling Paradise I've been waiting a while to use that pun.

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Roy and Miko sat in awkward silence as Pete dutifully produced a wine glass full of red liquid for the ex-paladin. Gingerly, she brought the drink to her lips as Pete scurried out of sight. She took a dainty sip lowering the glass about halfway to the table. "It's..." She said thoughtfully. "It's very good!"

Roy let out a breath that he hadn't realized he had been holding (come to think of it, did he need to breathe here, or was it just habit? He filed the thought away for later testing). "Yeah. I'm not a huge fan of the sweet drinks, but every once in a while they're not too bad."

"I think I could drink this all the time." Miko declared, downing about half her glass in a single gulp. She set it down with a smile, meeting Roy's eyes for the first time in minutes. She quickly looked away again, smile dying as she bit her lip. "What do we do now, Greenhilt?"

Roy sighed. "We try to pretend that we're civilized adults, I guess. How has paradise been treating you?"

Miko seemed taken aback by the question. Her eyes locked with Roy's for an instant and quickly darted away. "Uhm, well enough, I suppose. And you?"

Roy couldn't help but grin. "I... I've been having the greatest time of my life. Err, death. I reunited with my dead mother and younger brother, and I even met the grandfather I never knew in life! Aside from the gnawing concerns about why my party hasn't gotten their acts together and raised me yet, everything has been perfect!" In the middle of his gushing, Roy almost didn't catch the look of pain that contorted Miko's face.

"That's... wonderful for you, Greenhilt." Miko said wistfully. She drained her glass. "Barkeep! Another glass of wine!"

Roy appraised Miko shrewdly. He was beginning to get an inkling that something was very wrong. "Miko, do you mind if I ask you something?"

The armored woman shrugged as Pete ghosted to their table with a fresh glass for her. "You may."

"What are you doing on this side of the mountain?"

Miko froze in mid-swig, nearly choking on her wine. She set down her glass with a cough. "I - I'm here on a mission. I'm looking for evildoers to vanquish."

"Bull." Roy shot back. "Miko, Bluff is cross-class for both of you classes, and despite your high charisma score, you don't have a deceitful bone in your body. You can't get a lie past me."

"I am not lying." Miko declared, staring Roy down. "I am truly on a mission."

"Fine then, you're concealing the truth. How come you can't look for 'evildoers' on your side of the mountain?" Roy pressed, matching Miko's stare with a level gaze of his own.

"Who says I can't?" Miko shot back.

"Indeed." Roy said, leaning forward, the pieces coming together in his head. "Who says you can't? Who is telling you to stay on this side of the mountain?"

Miko's eyes narrowed slightly. "I don't know what you're talking about." She declared with very phony calmness.

"Again, I call bull. Miko, you can't enter your side of the mountain, can you?"

The question seemed to hit Miko with all the force of a punch to the head. She recoiled, gritting her teeth and glaring at Roy. Her jaw worked, trying to formulate some sort of response to Roy's query. "I - you - it -" She bit her lip, tears coming to her eyes.

For a long moment, the two stared at each other in silence. Finally, Miko looked away, a tear spilling free. "Damn you, Greenhilt." She hissed through clenched teeth. "How can you read my like a book?"

Roy relaxed, letting his arms slide off the table, and his posture slouch into a more comfortable position. Instead of feeling elated at his own cleverness, he just felt an odd numbness. "I knew it." He sighed. "Alright, Miko, why don't you tell me what happened?"

Miko took another large gulp of her drink, nearly draining her second glass. She took a steadying breath, apparently fighting down tears. "I don't see how it's any of your concern."

Roy looked into his mug, absently running a finger over the outer rim. "Look, we're trying to be civil here. Believe it or not, sometimes sharing your problems with someone can help take a little bit of the weight off." He glanced up at Miko, who said nothing. "You might as well tell me. It's a big afterlife, so the odds of us running into each other again are pretty low, and I should be getting raised soon anyway. So what happened?"

Miko made a grumbling sound in the back of her throat, draining her glass. "Barkeep! Another!" She called in the direction Pete had last vanished in. She turned back to Roy. "Very well, Greenhilt, I will satisfy your curiousity. When I got here, my entire life was judged by a being of pure law and good known as a Bureaucratic Deva."

"Yeah, same thing happened to me." Roy replied, idly wondering how much of his net wealth he would have spent to listen in on Miko's judgement. Probably a lot more than his own Deva would have liked.

"This being reflected on all of my past accomplishments... and failures. Particularly, in the last few days of my life, I made a few..." She paused, again gnawing her lip. "blunders shall we say. It was not enough to get me 'thrown into the true neutral bin', but it was enough to warrant," she sniffed, wiping the back of her eyes with a gauntlet, clearly in pain. "It was enough to warrant disciplinary action. Th-they said that I couldn't enter my side of the mountain until such time as I had proven myself r-repentant a-and-"

"Miko, that's enough." Roy said, his heart going out to the woman inspite of himself. "You don't have to tell me any-"

"Do you know what it's like, Greenhilt?! To see perfect happiness all around you, yet never experience it yourself?! You can see your parents any time you like! When can I see my parents? When?!" Miko grabbed her third wine glass (when had Pete refilled it, Roy wondered) and took a big, shuddery gulp, slamming it down onto the table before burying her face in her arms and breaking into tears on the tabletop.

Roy couldn't imagine what she must be going through. "I'm really sorry, Miko." He said lamely. "I didn't mean to open up a wound." Against his better judgement, he stood up and brought his chair around to Miko's side of the table. He sat down beside her, wrapping one arm around her shoulders as she cried out her sorrows.

Seconds dragged into minutes as Roy waited patiently for Miko's wracking sobs to die down. Slowly, painfully, the black-haired woman regained her self control. She wasn't objecting to Roy's arm around her shoulders, so Roy decided to leave it there. "I m-miss them so much, G-Greenhilt." She sniffled into the tabletop.

"Who?"

"M-my parents. They d-died when I was very young. I w-wanted to see them again so badly. I wanted th-them to know I was a p-paladin. I wanted them t-to be proud." Miko lamented. "And now? I'll never get to see them! Not for eternity!"

"Miko, you can't say that." Roy said, squeezing her awkwardly for emphasis. He found the entire situation rather surreal. Comforting Miko was like comforting a drunken badger. He wasn't sure whether he was going to get mauled for his troubles. "I'm sure you'll see them again."

"How can you know that, Greenhilt?" Miko asked, her voice low. "How can I change? I don't know how! I'm - I'm me! I've been this way my whole life, and suddenly it was wrong at the end! I've been wandering around looking for evil adventurers to thwart because that's all I know how to do!" She wailed the last, breaking into sobs again.

"Miko, you can't give up hope, not here of all places." Roy declared. "I'm certain you'll be able to find a way back onto your side of the mountain."

"How can you know that?" Miko asked through a veil of tears.

Roy found that he didn't have an answer for her.

Okay, so, how does everybody like it? Did I manage to make Miko at all sympathetic? Let me know!

[The Odor]

Merry fricken X-mas to all.
Great work everybody. Have a nice holiday.

[BatRobin]

MERRY (late) CHRISTMAS!


As a little 'present', like Water-Smurf, I'll also write some requests, despite the fact I suck at crack. But, let's expand Lira's List, eh?

(I will not do things like Mr Scruffy x Durkon or something like that, because I'm only decent with human/elf/(hob)goblin/kobolds or those sorta things)

(Everything else I write sucks.)

[CoffeeIncluded]

Mr Scruffy x Durkon

Mr Scruffy/Durkon, you say...

[The Odor]

Mr Scruffy/Durkon, you say...

Can I get a hell Yhea!

[Zanaril]

Mr. Scruffy X Durkon's Beard...

[The Odor]

Mr. Scruffy X Durkon's Beard...

It get's better...

[Asta Kask]

Mr. Scruffy X Durkon's Beard...

I have created a monster. And it's a good feeling.

[The Odor]

I have created a monster. And it's a good feeling.

You should.
Hey what happend to the round robin?

[CoffeeIncluded]

Updaet:

Elan the Teddiursa is now level 41. I have 5 badges.

Elan's moveset is:
Slash
Ice Punch
Return
Faint Attack

He is joined by Haley (Cyndaquil), Vaarsuvius (Ditto), Roy (Shiny Magby), Durkon (Pidgeotto), and Kyrie (Psyduck)

Kyrie will be replaced with Belkar the psychotic red Gyarados once I get him.

As of now, Jasmine (The steel-type gym) is next.

...

*Looks at Elan's moveset*

...Oh dear.

[The Dark Fiddler]

Roy (Shiny Magby)

Lucky...

As of now, Jasmine (The steel-type gym) is next.

...

*Looks at Elan's moveset*

If only you could find the Earthquake TM before Victory Road.

[CoffeeIncluded]

Lucky...



If only you could find the Earthquake TM before Victory Road.

You wanna know what other shinies I have? Other than Red Gyarados?

*Takes a deep breath*

Shiny Ampharos, Zubat, Lotad, Clamperl, Heracross, Electivire, Salamence, and Lucario.

All of them random encounter. Lucario on the second soft reset. (I was trying for a female on Riley's egg. It came out SHINY. AND FEMALE!)

[Asta Kask]

Have you learned any witchcraft yet?

[ShinyDelusion]

By the way, nice chapter ShinyDelusion. It's really a shame Elan's the one who'll get a happy ending though, since he's the one I'd kick out of the threesome without hesitation (but with much glee) and the other two are those I actually want to see happy (or at least kissing).

Actually, since the oracle noted that no one would be very happy while all three points of the triangle participated and that the VxHxE threesome would not constitute the end of the story, it means someone will get kicked out of the threesome, and it could still be Elan. After all, while Elan may be happy to bow out gracefully to let his friends be happy (and/or hook up with a crack author, if The Odor is still contemplating it...), Haley pushing out a pointy-eared baby while V fills out divorce paperwork would probably be considered more bittersweet. Skimping on the sweet, at that.

Or, I don't plan very far ahead and Haley and Elan will end up together after all.

Or, in a shocking turn of events, Haley will dump the boys, get in a tumultuous relationship with Roy, and V and Elan will be be the last two standing in the threesome! Hm...

And thanks for the complement, of course.

Ooo! People are doing requests! Cool! I want... Suddenly my entire imagination has shut down. Oh well. If something pops into my head before it's too late, I'll know where to go!

[CoffeeIncluded]

Have you learned any witchcraft yet?

Nah, the RNG just likes to toy with me.

[half-halfling]

Alright guys, Zanaril have argued long and hard over this. Insults were thrown and apologies were sincere, and we may have a hospital bill or two that needs to be paid, but the winner of the contest has been decided.* Let's have a big round of applause for...

half-halfling and his Canon's Panel -Capture® spell comic! As the winner, half-halfling, you can rewrite the Opening Post. Simply shoot me a pm with the format you want, and I'll implement it. If you don't put the previous thread links in or the tables or anything, I'll just stick them in at the bottom. Since you said you're not a native speaker (Which honestly surprised me) just tell me if you want me to edit for grammar and spelling or anything, okay?

:

Thanks! I don't have any idea to change Opening Post ,so leave it as it is.
I have a request for story to Water-Smurf -Inkyrius and Vaarsuvius wedding -it may be a memory.

And merry christmass for everybody !

edit: And Roy x Miko story as always great !

[Asta Kask]

Thanks! I don't have any idea to change Opening Post ,so leave it as it is.
I have a request for story to Water-Smurf -Inkyrius and Vaarsuvius wedding -it may be a memory.

And merry christmass for everybody !

edit: And Roy x Miko story as always great !

Congratulations.

Wow, time flies like an arrow. Fruit flies like a banana. And we're 4/5ths on our way to the next thread. I have nothing more valuable to say, so here's a picture of Belkar reading CoffeeIncluded's story (NSFW):

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[The Odor]

(and/or hook up with a crack author, if The Odor is still contemplating it...)

Yes I do. I just wait for someone to show feeling's for the bard. Or at the end of this thread I might send someone to him...

[Zanaril]

And we're 4/5ths on our way to the next thread. I have nothing more valuable to say, so here's a picture of Belkar reading CoffeeIncluded's story (NSFW):

So, Mr Scruffy was watching too.

[ShinyDelusion]

Yes I do. I just wait for someone to show feeling's for the bard. Or at the end of this thread I might send someone to him...

Duhn duhn DUHN!

So, Mr Scruffy was watching too.

I'm pretty sure that qualifies as animal abuse...

[CoffeeIncluded]

...Something's telling me that Tsukiko's fantasies are much the same, except with corpses instead of fresh produce...

[Zanaril]

Reddy/V/Tia happy family scene? Possibly Christmas-oriented?

I need to make sure I remember that they're capable of non-sad fluff too.

It's not christmas-themed, but a family hug is a family hug.


I think I'm getting the hang of this now...


What's next?

[ShinyDelusion]

That's adorable, Zanaril! You did a great job with it!

[Zanaril]

That's adorable, Zanaril! You did a great job with it!

Thanks.

The problem with drawing hugs is I'm always left with the suspicion that I've given someone an extra hand somewhere...

[ShinyDelusion]

Thanks.

The problem with drawing hugs is I'm always left with the suspicion that I've given someone an extra hand somewhere...

*examines picture closely* None that I can see!

Are you still taking requests? I just got a weird mental image of Xykon dressed up as Santa with an ecstatic Tsukiko in his lap. Maybe with Redcloak dressed as a Christmas elf in the background... The caption could be "Happy Holidays from Team Evil"...

Okay, that idea is weird (for me, anyway). Although it would kind of make sense if defended as Tsukiko dreaming/daydreaming...

[CoffeeIncluded]

*examines picture closely* None that I can see!

Are you still taking requests? I just got a weird mental image of Xykon dressed up as Santa with an ecstatic Tsukiko in his lap. Maybe with Redcloak dressed as a Christmas elf in the background... The caption could be "Happy Holidays from Team Evil"...

Okay, that idea is weird (for me, anyway). Although it would kind of make sense if defended as Tsukiko dreaming/daydreaming...

Yes. THIS.

I'd do a crack pairing of it, but I'm working on my newest update of Murphy's Law.

[Dark Faun]

I got a new ship.

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EDIT: don't quote image, bandwidth, blah, blah, blah.