GitP PrC Contest Chat Thread IV

[sirpercival]

I would also appreciate one, as I feel like I've done some weird things I could use more eyes to look over.

I'll try to get to it today or tomorrow.

[Fable Wright]

Hm... I'd like to trade PEACHes with you sometime, sirpercival. I'll probably get one for the Clockwork Cenobite up either tonight or sometime over the weekend.

[sirpercival]

GEOMETRIST

dooooobie do waaaaaaaaaah

Spoiler

Show

{opening fluff}

OCD psions? Yes. Yes indeed. :D

BECOMING A GEOMETRIST
How you would normally become a member of this prestige class.

Don't forget this!

ENTRY REQUIREMENTS
Alignment: Any Lawful
Special: Kineticist Psion
Feat: Psionic Meditation

Why kineticist? Is it so you can put everything in order? Lol. Interesting to see how this shakes out, given that kineticist is generally an average choice for a psion. But hey, blasty can be nasty!

{game rule information}

Why are some of the skills starred? If it's because they're psionic skills, then take out the stars, no one cares anymore. Better skill points than a normal psion, but no more skills to spend them on? Hm. Standard psion chassis, 9/10 progression is good. Why don't you put the psi progression in the table? That seems kinda weird…

Weapon Proficiencies: A place to put the different proficiencies.

…?

Ordering Power (Ex): The Geometrist likes nothing more than for things to be neat and tidy. This can have a variety of meanings, and in a pinch, objects existing in an arrangement as simple as a circle or line is enough, especially when dealing with terminally disorganized things like living creatures.

When the Geometrist manifests a psionic power that affects an Area (i.e. burst, emanation, spread, cone, line, sphere, etc.) he may expend his Psionic focus to make that power an Ordering Power.

Oh, so this is a metapsionic class feature. ;)

Ordering Powers exert their manifester’s will on creatures near their area of effect. All creatures within 10ft of an Area targeted by an Ordering Power must make a Fortitude Save (DC 10 + the Power’s level + Int Mod + ½ class level) to resist this powerful draw.

A creature that makes its save remains unmoved. Creatures failing the save by 5 or less are pulled 5’ closer to the nearest square affected by the power. Creatures failing by 10 or less are pulled inexorably into the nearest square affected by the power. All other creatures failing their save are pulled inexorably into the nearest square affected by the power and knocked prone.

Creatures moved into the area affected by the power are affected by the power as if they had been within the area when the power was manifested.

OK, so some questions. First, what does this effect have to do with being Ordered? I like the ability, but I'm not sure the name & fluff match the mechanics. About the mechanics… how do things like a dwarf's stability affect the psi-gravity? What about Freedom of Movement? It feels like such things should matter, but the way it's written now would certainly exclude the former, and possibly the latter as well. Also, why have 1/2 class level and power level? You don't usually see both.

If you want to keep it as-is, my suggestion for rewording: "All creatures within 10 feet of any square affected by the power must make a Fortitude save (DC 10 + power level + Int mod + 1/2 class level) or be drawn 5 feet closer to the nearest square affected by the power. A failure by 5 or more pulls a creature fully into the nearest square affected by the power, causing the creature to also be affected by the power as if they had been within the area originally. A failure by 10 or more causes the creature to be knocked prone as well."

However, an alternative is to make it a bull rush effect: "All creatures within 5 feet per class level of any square affected by the power are subject to a bull rush towards the nearest affected square. Treat the power as a Large creature with a Strength modifier equal to 1/2 the power's manifested level, except that the power can bull rush any size creature, and it gains a bonus to the opposed Strength check equal to the level of the Ordered power. Any creature moved at least 10 feet by this effect is knocked prone when they arrive at their destination. A creature who is bull rushed stops in the nearest affected square even if the result of the opposed check would be sufficient to move them farther."

Take what you like, leave the rest.

Ducks in a Row (Ex): The Geometrist works best when he can keep himself well organized. Nice, straight lines are mentally stimulating, and not surprisingly, that has a very visceral effect when that mental power is unleashed.

Any time the Geometrist manifests a power that affects multiple targets but not an area, this effect activates. If the Geometrist and at least two targets of the power occupy the same line, the Power being manifested is automatically and freely Empowered.

Hm, not crazy about the Empowering. How about instead, "if the Geometrist and at least two targets of the power form a straight line, the manifester level {or DC, not sure which works better} of the power increases by the one less than the total number of targets who make up that straight line."

Everything in its Place (Ps): Sentient beings are chronically uncooperative with the Geometrist’s preferences for organization. Even if he puts them in a nice, neat order they will rebel and move about and generally wreak havoc on his schemes. A simple solution is called for, which comes in the form of a unique ability they develop.

The Geometrist can manifest Everything in its Place at-will as a Psi-like ability.

Everything in its Place

Spoiler

Show

Level: Psion 3
Display: Visual
Manifesting Time: 1 standard action
Range: Medium (100 ft. +10 ft./level)
Target: One creature
Duration: Concentration, up to 1 min/level (D)
Saving Throw: None
Power Resistance: No
Power Points: 5

Directed Psionic Energies lace the ground around your target, forming a flowing field of telekinetic power that glows in a directed field, pointed toward where your target is currently standing.

The square(s) the creature is currently occupying will be referred to as “center square(s)” in the following description. All squares within 10’ of the target that are not center squares become Difficult Terrain. Any creature ending its turn within the area of the field is automatically moved in a straight line to the nearest center square. If this movement is obstructed, the creature is moved as close as possible along the straight line but is otherwise unharmed.

Augment

For every 4 additional power points you spend, the area this power affects increases by 5’.

By spending an additional 5 power points, the each square of difficult terrain created by this power costs 3 squares of movement.

Well, at the moment it's not a unique ability, since any psion can learn the power. You use the word "field" twice in the first sentence, which bothers me aesthetically… The whole thing with the "center squares" just doesn't read properly. Try this: "All squares within 10 feet of the target are considered Difficult Terrain. In addition, any creature who ends their movement within 10 feet of the target is automatically moved in a straight line to the nearest square adjacent to the target. If all adjacent squares are occupied (or if there is a barrier blocking the movement in some way), an affected creature moves as close to the target as possible, in a straight line. Movement caused by this power does not provoke attacks of opportunity."

Balance-wise, I might give the creatures a save to resist the effect. Also, what happens when they start their turn adjacent? Can they move away at no penalty besides the difficult terrain? It might be cool to force a second save to move away.

I personally love this power. It makes tanking a million times easier. Craft it into a potion, or as a 1/day Third Eye Gravity or something, for the melee brute to carry around.

Stillness of Mind: Now and then, everyone needs a moment to catch their breath. A calm time to themselves to recoup and come back swinging harder. For the Geometrist, taking even a brief moment to quiet their minds in the midst of the chaos of battle can be a powerful thing.

As a move action, the Geometrist can make a Concentration check. The next power he manifests that round is considered Heightened 1 level for every 5 points the Concentration check exceeds the power’s DC (10 + power level + Int mod.)

Hm, interesting. It feels like it should be related to Psionic Focus in some way… my suggestion is, rather than referring to Heighten, just add a bonus to the DC. It's a little cleaner. Also, you should indicate that it's the base DC of the power, otherwise it might get confusing.

And as I'm thinking about it, divorcing the Concentration check from the actual act of manifesting the power seems weird. It's like saying "write down the result, you'll need it later… unless you don't, if you don't get around to manifesting a power". How about just activating this ability as a move action, and then when you manifest the power you make a Concentration check at the same time?

Reorientation: As any Geometrist will tell you, they are nothing but flexible. They understand the world can’t revolve around them, and not everything can be perfectly lined up just for them. As long as things are lined up for someone they can make do. See? Perfectly flexible.

When manifesting any power that affects a Line area, the Geometrist can manifest it as if he were standing anywhere within a circle centered on him with radius equal to the spell’s range to which he has line of sight. The spell can be aimed in any direction from this point, but any area that would be affected beyond this circle is, instead, not.

OK, rewrite time: "Whenever manifesting a power which affects a Line, the Geometrist can have the spell originate from any square within the power's range to which he has line of sight, oriented in any direction. However, the effects of the power do not extend further from him than the range of the power, no matter where the origin square is. For example, a Geometrist manifesting Energy Bolt in an open meadow could cause the line to originate from any square within 120 feet, but if the 120-foot line would extend further than 120 feet from him, the effect would terminate at the power's maximum range."

Matching Set: Organization goes beyond simple spatial placement but still, please don’t move that, it’s there for a reason. If possible, things should share common characteristics as well, or at least all receive the same treatment so one doesn’t stand out.

Any time the Geometrist and at least two allies occupy the same line, all Personal effects affecting the Geometrist are shared among all of his allies occupying that line.

Nice ability, I like it. By the way, I forgot to say: can you add level keys to the abilities? Nice if you don't have to keep flipping back and forth to the table to figure out when you get what ability.

Placing Everything: Sometimes, you just need to move something and move it fast. Creatures don’t understand that there is a place for them, no matter how gently you might suggest it to them. Eventually, you can’t be gentle anymore.

The Geometrist can manifest Shunt as a psi-like ability.

I really think that maybe you should have a New Powers spoiler at the end, which has Everything In Its Place and Shunt in it. Makes things a little cleaner.

Shunt

Spoiler

Show

Level: 5
Display: Material and visual
Manifesting Time: 1 standard action (See below)
Range: Close (25 ft. + 5 ft./2 levels)
Target: One creature
Duration: Instantaneous
Saving Throw: Will Negates (See below)
Power Resistance: Yes
Power Points: 9

You forcibly teleport one creature against its will up to 25’ in any direction. Creatures cannot be teleported to an environment that cannot support them.

If this power is manifested as a standard action, there is no save. This power can, alternatively, be manifested as a Swift action. In this case, a successful Will save prevents the teleportation.

Augment

For every additional power point you spend, the distance you can teleport the target increases by 5’. For ever 10’ this distance increases, the save DC increases by 1.

Pretty nuts, actually… I might force an attack roll, if you have a way to remove the save. Note that the previous power was a Psion power, and this one isn't. I would aim for consistency. Also, can you teleport someone into an area which has spells & whatnot affecting the area? Like, toss that guy back into the Black Tentacles?

Clean and Neat: Efficiency is key. The more efficiently something can be done, the more that thing should be done. It just makes sense.

By expending his Psionic Focus, the Geometrist can cause Powers he manifests that affect an area have additional, powerful effects based on the number of creatures affected.

{table=head]Number of Creatures | Additional Effect
1 | None
2 | Power is Empowered
3 | Power is Twinned
4 | Power is Maximized
5 | Power is Maximized and Empowered
6+ | Power is Maximized, Empowered, and Twinned
[/table]

I'm not sure why Maximize is easier than Twin, since a lot of the time x2 is better than max… I also am just not crazy about having metapower effects… or if you're going to include them, require at least one of them in the prereqs? Also, do creatures with PR or who make their saves count as being affected? Either way this should be clarified.

Psionic Tether (Ps): No matter how hard you try, some things will just never work the way you want them to. A little delusion never hurts. Just pretend that orc is standing dutifully in its spot, and act accordingly.

At will, as a swift action, the Geometrist can mentally “tether” a creature to a point. The creature and the square it is in are both marked for a number of rounds equal to the Geometrist’s Int score. For this duration, a glowing psionic tether connects the creature with the square it was in when this ability was used. During this time, for the purposes of the Geometrist’s Powers and abilities, the Geometrist can target any square the tether passes through as if the creature occupied that square. Abilities that affect multiple squares still only affect the creature once.

Cool ability! I'm not crazy about the wording, but I can't think of another way to word it right now...

Your Place in the Universe: Having finally reached a level of mastery of using his psionic powers to order the world around him, the Geometrist turns them upon himself, finally having found a way to bring a little bit of quiet to his own existence. Ensconsed deep within his safe place, the Geometrist places his mental capacities within a special item, stored safely exactly where it is meant to be. From the safety of its new home, his mind is free to purge the body of the roiling maelstrom of blood, and guide his newly forged body in full knowledge that, no matter where his body may go, his mind is always truly exactly where it should be.

The Geometrist’s type changes to Undead. Do not recalculate BAB saves or skill points, size remains unchanged. Change all past and future HD to d12s. His base natural armor increases by 5.

"Ensconced" is how it's spelled. So basically he becomes a psionic lich? I'm not sure I like this capstone…

He gains the Intelligence Drain special attack.

Intelligence Drain (Su): Any intelligent creature the Geometrist hits with a touch attack must succeed a Will save (DC 10 + ½ HD + Int mod) or take 1d6 points of Int drain.

He gains the following Special Qualities.

Spoiler

Show

Turn Resistance (Ex): The Geometrist has +6 turn resistance.

Damage Reduction (Ex): The Geometrist’s body is tried and preserved through processes known only to himself. This gives his body damage reduction 10/bludgeoning and magic.

Fast Healing (Ex): The psionic energies keeping his body moving and his consciousness active in the body actively seek out new material to repair wounds the body suffers. He gains Fast Healing 2.

Empty Bodied Clarity (Ex): Increase the Geometrist as follows: +2 Int, +2 Wis.

Immunities (Ex): As his mind isn’t actually contained in the brain anymore, the Geometrist gains certain immunities. He becomes immune to polymorph and mind-affecting spells and abilities.

The Special Place

Spoiler

Show

To undergo his final transformation into a creature of quiet, preserved order, the Geometrist must ensconce his consciousness in a crystal in a ritual that takes 3 days and 5000g worth of materials. This crystal retains the true source of his intellect, and unless it is destroyed, a slain Geometrist can reconstruct a body from base particles and resurrect in 1d6 weeks.

The Special Place has a manifester level equal to the creator’s manifester level at the time of creation. It is a Tiny object, made of some form of crystal and having 40 hit points, 20 hardness, and a break DC of 40.

I would spoiler all of the effects of this together.

Yeah, not crazy about the capstone. It just seems kinda out of left field… the rest of the abilities are about manipulating powers in different ways. I'll see if I can come up with any new capstone ideas… right now I'm really tired and am blanking on them.

Very interesting class! I think you went a unique direction with the theme.

Hm... I'd like to trade PEACHes with you sometime, sirpercival. I'll probably get one for the Clockwork Cenobite up either tonight or sometime over the weekend.

Sounds good.

[sirpercival]

GEOMETRIST

dooooobie do waaaaaaaaaah

Spoiler

Show

{opening fluff}

OCD psions? Yes. Yes indeed. :D

BECOMING A GEOMETRIST
How you would normally become a member of this prestige class.

Don't forget this!

ENTRY REQUIREMENTS
Alignment: Any Lawful
Special: Kineticist Psion
Feat: Psionic Meditation

Why kineticist? Is it so you can put everything in order? Lol. Interesting to see how this shakes out, given that kineticist is generally an average choice for a psion. But hey, blasty can be nasty!

{game rule information}

Why are some of the skills starred? If it's because they're psionic skills, then take out the stars, no one cares anymore. Better skill points than a normal psion, but no more skills to spend them on? Hm. Standard psion chassis, 9/10 progression is good. Why don't you put the psi progression in the table? That seems kinda weird…

Weapon Proficiencies: A place to put the different proficiencies.

…?

Ordering Power (Ex): The Geometrist likes nothing more than for things to be neat and tidy. This can have a variety of meanings, and in a pinch, objects existing in an arrangement as simple as a circle or line is enough, especially when dealing with terminally disorganized things like living creatures.

When the Geometrist manifests a psionic power that affects an Area (i.e. burst, emanation, spread, cone, line, sphere, etc.) he may expend his Psionic focus to make that power an Ordering Power.

Oh, so this is a metapsionic class feature. ;)

Ordering Powers exert their manifester’s will on creatures near their area of effect. All creatures within 10ft of an Area targeted by an Ordering Power must make a Fortitude Save (DC 10 + the Power’s level + Int Mod + ½ class level) to resist this powerful draw.

A creature that makes its save remains unmoved. Creatures failing the save by 5 or less are pulled 5’ closer to the nearest square affected by the power. Creatures failing by 10 or less are pulled inexorably into the nearest square affected by the power. All other creatures failing their save are pulled inexorably into the nearest square affected by the power and knocked prone.

Creatures moved into the area affected by the power are affected by the power as if they had been within the area when the power was manifested.

OK, so some questions. First, what does this effect have to do with being Ordered? I like the ability, but I'm not sure the name & fluff match the mechanics. About the mechanics… how do things like a dwarf's stability affect the psi-gravity? What about Freedom of Movement? It feels like such things should matter, but the way it's written now would certainly exclude the former, and possibly the latter as well. Also, why have 1/2 class level and power level? You don't usually see both.

If you want to keep it as-is, my suggestion for rewording: "All creatures within 10 feet of any square affected by the power must make a Fortitude save (DC 10 + power level + Int mod + 1/2 class level) or be drawn 5 feet closer to the nearest square affected by the power. A failure by 5 or more pulls a creature fully into the nearest square affected by the power, causing the creature to also be affected by the power as if they had been within the area originally. A failure by 10 or more causes the creature to be knocked prone as well."

However, an alternative is to make it a bull rush effect: "All creatures within 5 feet per class level of any square affected by the power are subject to a bull rush towards the nearest affected square. Treat the power as a Large creature with a Strength modifier equal to 1/2 the power's manifested level, except that the power can bull rush any size creature, and it gains a bonus to the opposed Strength check equal to the level of the Ordered power. Any creature moved at least 10 feet by this effect is knocked prone when they arrive at their destination. A creature who is bull rushed stops in the nearest affected square even if the result of the opposed check would be sufficient to move them farther."

Take what you like, leave the rest.

Ducks in a Row (Ex): The Geometrist works best when he can keep himself well organized. Nice, straight lines are mentally stimulating, and not surprisingly, that has a very visceral effect when that mental power is unleashed.

Any time the Geometrist manifests a power that affects multiple targets but not an area, this effect activates. If the Geometrist and at least two targets of the power occupy the same line, the Power being manifested is automatically and freely Empowered.

Hm, not crazy about the Empowering. How about instead, "if the Geometrist and at least two targets of the power form a straight line, the manifester level {or DC, not sure which works better} of the power increases by the one less than the total number of targets who make up that straight line."

Everything in its Place (Ps): Sentient beings are chronically uncooperative with the Geometrist’s preferences for organization. Even if he puts them in a nice, neat order they will rebel and move about and generally wreak havoc on his schemes. A simple solution is called for, which comes in the form of a unique ability they develop.

The Geometrist can manifest Everything in its Place at-will as a Psi-like ability.

Everything in its Place

Spoiler

Show

Level: Psion 3
Display: Visual
Manifesting Time: 1 standard action
Range: Medium (100 ft. +10 ft./level)
Target: One creature
Duration: Concentration, up to 1 min/level (D)
Saving Throw: None
Power Resistance: No
Power Points: 5

Directed Psionic Energies lace the ground around your target, forming a flowing field of telekinetic power that glows in a directed field, pointed toward where your target is currently standing.

The square(s) the creature is currently occupying will be referred to as “center square(s)” in the following description. All squares within 10’ of the target that are not center squares become Difficult Terrain. Any creature ending its turn within the area of the field is automatically moved in a straight line to the nearest center square. If this movement is obstructed, the creature is moved as close as possible along the straight line but is otherwise unharmed.

Augment

For every 4 additional power points you spend, the area this power affects increases by 5’.

By spending an additional 5 power points, the each square of difficult terrain created by this power costs 3 squares of movement.

Well, at the moment it's not a unique ability, since any psion can learn the power. You use the word "field" twice in the first sentence, which bothers me aesthetically… The whole thing with the "center squares" just doesn't read properly. Try this: "All squares within 10 feet of the target are considered Difficult Terrain. In addition, any creature who ends their movement within 10 feet of the target is automatically moved in a straight line to the nearest square adjacent to the target. If all adjacent squares are occupied (or if there is a barrier blocking the movement in some way), an affected creature moves as close to the target as possible, in a straight line. Movement caused by this power does not provoke attacks of opportunity."

Balance-wise, I might give the creatures a save to resist the effect. Also, what happens when they start their turn adjacent? Can they move away at no penalty besides the difficult terrain? It might be cool to force a second save to move away.

I personally love this power. It makes tanking a million times easier. Craft it into a potion, or as a 1/day Third Eye Gravity or something, for the melee brute to carry around.

Stillness of Mind: Now and then, everyone needs a moment to catch their breath. A calm time to themselves to recoup and come back swinging harder. For the Geometrist, taking even a brief moment to quiet their minds in the midst of the chaos of battle can be a powerful thing.

As a move action, the Geometrist can make a Concentration check. The next power he manifests that round is considered Heightened 1 level for every 5 points the Concentration check exceeds the power’s DC (10 + power level + Int mod.)

Hm, interesting. It feels like it should be related to Psionic Focus in some way… my suggestion is, rather than referring to Heighten, just add a bonus to the DC. It's a little cleaner. Also, you should indicate that it's the base DC of the power, otherwise it might get confusing.

And as I'm thinking about it, divorcing the Concentration check from the actual act of manifesting the power seems weird. It's like saying "write down the result, you'll need it later… unless you don't, if you don't get around to manifesting a power". How about just activating this ability as a move action, and then when you manifest the power you make a Concentration check at the same time?

Reorientation: As any Geometrist will tell you, they are nothing but flexible. They understand the world can’t revolve around them, and not everything can be perfectly lined up just for them. As long as things are lined up for someone they can make do. See? Perfectly flexible.

When manifesting any power that affects a Line area, the Geometrist can manifest it as if he were standing anywhere within a circle centered on him with radius equal to the spell’s range to which he has line of sight. The spell can be aimed in any direction from this point, but any area that would be affected beyond this circle is, instead, not.

OK, rewrite time: "Whenever manifesting a power which affects a Line, the Geometrist can have the spell originate from any square within the power's range to which he has line of sight, oriented in any direction. However, the effects of the power do not extend further from him than the range of the power, no matter where the origin square is. For example, a Geometrist manifesting Energy Bolt in an open meadow could cause the line to originate from any square within 120 feet, but if the 120-foot line would extend further than 120 feet from him, the effect would terminate at the power's maximum range."

Matching Set: Organization goes beyond simple spatial placement but still, please don’t move that, it’s there for a reason. If possible, things should share common characteristics as well, or at least all receive the same treatment so one doesn’t stand out.

Any time the Geometrist and at least two allies occupy the same line, all Personal effects affecting the Geometrist are shared among all of his allies occupying that line.

Nice ability, I like it. By the way, I forgot to say: can you add level keys to the abilities? Nice if you don't have to keep flipping back and forth to the table to figure out when you get what ability.

Placing Everything: Sometimes, you just need to move something and move it fast. Creatures don’t understand that there is a place for them, no matter how gently you might suggest it to them. Eventually, you can’t be gentle anymore.

The Geometrist can manifest Shunt as a psi-like ability.

I really think that maybe you should have a New Powers spoiler at the end, which has Everything In Its Place and Shunt in it. Makes things a little cleaner.

Shunt

Spoiler

Show

Level: 5
Display: Material and visual
Manifesting Time: 1 standard action (See below)
Range: Close (25 ft. + 5 ft./2 levels)
Target: One creature
Duration: Instantaneous
Saving Throw: Will Negates (See below)
Power Resistance: Yes
Power Points: 9

You forcibly teleport one creature against its will up to 25’ in any direction. Creatures cannot be teleported to an environment that cannot support them.

If this power is manifested as a standard action, there is no save. This power can, alternatively, be manifested as a Swift action. In this case, a successful Will save prevents the teleportation.

Augment

For every additional power point you spend, the distance you can teleport the target increases by 5’. For ever 10’ this distance increases, the save DC increases by 1.

Pretty nuts, actually… I might force an attack roll, if you have a way to remove the save. Note that the previous power was a Psion power, and this one isn't. I would aim for consistency. Also, can you teleport someone into an area which has spells & whatnot affecting the area? Like, toss that guy back into the Black Tentacles?

Clean and Neat: Efficiency is key. The more efficiently something can be done, the more that thing should be done. It just makes sense.

By expending his Psionic Focus, the Geometrist can cause Powers he manifests that affect an area have additional, powerful effects based on the number of creatures affected.

{table=head]Number of Creatures | Additional Effect
1 | None
2 | Power is Empowered
3 | Power is Twinned
4 | Power is Maximized
5 | Power is Maximized and Empowered
6+ | Power is Maximized, Empowered, and Twinned
[/table]

I'm not sure why Maximize is easier than Twin, since a lot of the time x2 is better than max… I also am just not crazy about having metapower effects… or if you're going to include them, require at least one of them in the prereqs? Also, do creatures with PR or who make their saves count as being affected? Either way this should be clarified.

Psionic Tether (Ps): No matter how hard you try, some things will just never work the way you want them to. A little delusion never hurts. Just pretend that orc is standing dutifully in its spot, and act accordingly.

At will, as a swift action, the Geometrist can mentally “tether” a creature to a point. The creature and the square it is in are both marked for a number of rounds equal to the Geometrist’s Int score. For this duration, a glowing psionic tether connects the creature with the square it was in when this ability was used. During this time, for the purposes of the Geometrist’s Powers and abilities, the Geometrist can target any square the tether passes through as if the creature occupied that square. Abilities that affect multiple squares still only affect the creature once.

Cool ability! I'm not crazy about the wording, but I can't think of another way to word it right now...

Your Place in the Universe: Having finally reached a level of mastery of using his psionic powers to order the world around him, the Geometrist turns them upon himself, finally having found a way to bring a little bit of quiet to his own existence. Ensconsed deep within his safe place, the Geometrist places his mental capacities within a special item, stored safely exactly where it is meant to be. From the safety of its new home, his mind is free to purge the body of the roiling maelstrom of blood, and guide his newly forged body in full knowledge that, no matter where his body may go, his mind is always truly exactly where it should be.

The Geometrist’s type changes to Undead. Do not recalculate BAB saves or skill points, size remains unchanged. Change all past and future HD to d12s. His base natural armor increases by 5.

"Ensconced" is how it's spelled. So basically he becomes a psionic lich? I'm not sure I like this capstone…

He gains the Intelligence Drain special attack.

Intelligence Drain (Su): Any intelligent creature the Geometrist hits with a touch attack must succeed a Will save (DC 10 + ½ HD + Int mod) or take 1d6 points of Int drain.

He gains the following Special Qualities.

Spoiler

Show

Turn Resistance (Ex): The Geometrist has +6 turn resistance.

Damage Reduction (Ex): The Geometrist’s body is tried and preserved through processes known only to himself. This gives his body damage reduction 10/bludgeoning and magic.

Fast Healing (Ex): The psionic energies keeping his body moving and his consciousness active in the body actively seek out new material to repair wounds the body suffers. He gains Fast Healing 2.

Empty Bodied Clarity (Ex): Increase the Geometrist as follows: +2 Int, +2 Wis.

Immunities (Ex): As his mind isn’t actually contained in the brain anymore, the Geometrist gains certain immunities. He becomes immune to polymorph and mind-affecting spells and abilities.

The Special Place

Spoiler

Show

To undergo his final transformation into a creature of quiet, preserved order, the Geometrist must ensconce his consciousness in a crystal in a ritual that takes 3 days and 5000g worth of materials. This crystal retains the true source of his intellect, and unless it is destroyed, a slain Geometrist can reconstruct a body from base particles and resurrect in 1d6 weeks.

The Special Place has a manifester level equal to the creator’s manifester level at the time of creation. It is a Tiny object, made of some form of crystal and having 40 hit points, 20 hardness, and a break DC of 40.

I would spoiler all of the effects of this together.

Yeah, not crazy about the capstone. It just seems kinda out of left field… the rest of the abilities are about manipulating powers in different ways. I'll see if I can come up with any new capstone ideas… right now I'm really tired and am blanking on them.

Very interesting class! I think you went a unique direction with the theme.

Hm... I'd like to trade PEACHes with you sometime, sirpercival. I'll probably get one for the Clockwork Cenobite up either tonight or sometime over the weekend.

Sounds good.

[sirpercival]

GEOMETRIST

dooooobie do waaaaaaaaaah

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{opening fluff}

OCD psions? Yes. Yes indeed. :D

BECOMING A GEOMETRIST
How you would normally become a member of this prestige class.

Don't forget this!

ENTRY REQUIREMENTS
Alignment: Any Lawful
Special: Kineticist Psion
Feat: Psionic Meditation

Why kineticist? Is it so you can put everything in order? Lol. Interesting to see how this shakes out, given that kineticist is generally an average choice for a psion. But hey, blasty can be nasty!

{game rule information}

Why are some of the skills starred? If it's because they're psionic skills, then take out the stars, no one cares anymore. Better skill points than a normal psion, but no more skills to spend them on? Hm. Standard psion chassis, 9/10 progression is good. Why don't you put the psi progression in the table? That seems kinda weird…

Weapon Proficiencies: A place to put the different proficiencies.

…?

Ordering Power (Ex): The Geometrist likes nothing more than for things to be neat and tidy. This can have a variety of meanings, and in a pinch, objects existing in an arrangement as simple as a circle or line is enough, especially when dealing with terminally disorganized things like living creatures.

When the Geometrist manifests a psionic power that affects an Area (i.e. burst, emanation, spread, cone, line, sphere, etc.) he may expend his Psionic focus to make that power an Ordering Power.

Oh, so this is a metapsionic class feature. ;)

Ordering Powers exert their manifester’s will on creatures near their area of effect. All creatures within 10ft of an Area targeted by an Ordering Power must make a Fortitude Save (DC 10 + the Power’s level + Int Mod + ½ class level) to resist this powerful draw.

A creature that makes its save remains unmoved. Creatures failing the save by 5 or less are pulled 5’ closer to the nearest square affected by the power. Creatures failing by 10 or less are pulled inexorably into the nearest square affected by the power. All other creatures failing their save are pulled inexorably into the nearest square affected by the power and knocked prone.

Creatures moved into the area affected by the power are affected by the power as if they had been within the area when the power was manifested.

OK, so some questions. First, what does this effect have to do with being Ordered? I like the ability, but I'm not sure the name & fluff match the mechanics. About the mechanics… how do things like a dwarf's stability affect the psi-gravity? What about Freedom of Movement? It feels like such things should matter, but the way it's written now would certainly exclude the former, and possibly the latter as well. Also, why have 1/2 class level and power level? You don't usually see both.

If you want to keep it as-is, my suggestion for rewording: "All creatures within 10 feet of any square affected by the power must make a Fortitude save (DC 10 + power level + Int mod + 1/2 class level) or be drawn 5 feet closer to the nearest square affected by the power. A failure by 5 or more pulls a creature fully into the nearest square affected by the power, causing the creature to also be affected by the power as if they had been within the area originally. A failure by 10 or more causes the creature to be knocked prone as well."

However, an alternative is to make it a bull rush effect: "All creatures within 5 feet per class level of any square affected by the power are subject to a bull rush towards the nearest affected square. Treat the power as a Large creature with a Strength modifier equal to 1/2 the power's manifested level, except that the power can bull rush any size creature, and it gains a bonus to the opposed Strength check equal to the level of the Ordered power. Any creature moved at least 10 feet by this effect is knocked prone when they arrive at their destination. A creature who is bull rushed stops in the nearest affected square even if the result of the opposed check would be sufficient to move them farther."

Take what you like, leave the rest.

Ducks in a Row (Ex): The Geometrist works best when he can keep himself well organized. Nice, straight lines are mentally stimulating, and not surprisingly, that has a very visceral effect when that mental power is unleashed.

Any time the Geometrist manifests a power that affects multiple targets but not an area, this effect activates. If the Geometrist and at least two targets of the power occupy the same line, the Power being manifested is automatically and freely Empowered.

Hm, not crazy about the Empowering. How about instead, "if the Geometrist and at least two targets of the power form a straight line, the manifester level {or DC, not sure which works better} of the power increases by the one less than the total number of targets who make up that straight line."

Everything in its Place (Ps): Sentient beings are chronically uncooperative with the Geometrist’s preferences for organization. Even if he puts them in a nice, neat order they will rebel and move about and generally wreak havoc on his schemes. A simple solution is called for, which comes in the form of a unique ability they develop.

The Geometrist can manifest Everything in its Place at-will as a Psi-like ability.

Everything in its Place

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Level: Psion 3
Display: Visual
Manifesting Time: 1 standard action
Range: Medium (100 ft. +10 ft./level)
Target: One creature
Duration: Concentration, up to 1 min/level (D)
Saving Throw: None
Power Resistance: No
Power Points: 5

Directed Psionic Energies lace the ground around your target, forming a flowing field of telekinetic power that glows in a directed field, pointed toward where your target is currently standing.

The square(s) the creature is currently occupying will be referred to as “center square(s)” in the following description. All squares within 10’ of the target that are not center squares become Difficult Terrain. Any creature ending its turn within the area of the field is automatically moved in a straight line to the nearest center square. If this movement is obstructed, the creature is moved as close as possible along the straight line but is otherwise unharmed.

Augment

For every 4 additional power points you spend, the area this power affects increases by 5’.

By spending an additional 5 power points, the each square of difficult terrain created by this power costs 3 squares of movement.

Well, at the moment it's not a unique ability, since any psion can learn the power. You use the word "field" twice in the first sentence, which bothers me aesthetically… The whole thing with the "center squares" just doesn't read properly. Try this: "All squares within 10 feet of the target are considered Difficult Terrain. In addition, any creature who ends their movement within 10 feet of the target is automatically moved in a straight line to the nearest square adjacent to the target. If all adjacent squares are occupied (or if there is a barrier blocking the movement in some way), an affected creature moves as close to the target as possible, in a straight line. Movement caused by this power does not provoke attacks of opportunity."

Balance-wise, I might give the creatures a save to resist the effect. Also, what happens when they start their turn adjacent? Can they move away at no penalty besides the difficult terrain? It might be cool to force a second save to move away.

I personally love this power. It makes tanking a million times easier. Craft it into a potion, or as a 1/day Third Eye Gravity or something, for the melee brute to carry around.

Stillness of Mind: Now and then, everyone needs a moment to catch their breath. A calm time to themselves to recoup and come back swinging harder. For the Geometrist, taking even a brief moment to quiet their minds in the midst of the chaos of battle can be a powerful thing.

As a move action, the Geometrist can make a Concentration check. The next power he manifests that round is considered Heightened 1 level for every 5 points the Concentration check exceeds the power’s DC (10 + power level + Int mod.)

Hm, interesting. It feels like it should be related to Psionic Focus in some way… my suggestion is, rather than referring to Heighten, just add a bonus to the DC. It's a little cleaner. Also, you should indicate that it's the base DC of the power, otherwise it might get confusing.

And as I'm thinking about it, divorcing the Concentration check from the actual act of manifesting the power seems weird. It's like saying "write down the result, you'll need it later… unless you don't, if you don't get around to manifesting a power". How about just activating this ability as a move action, and then when you manifest the power you make a Concentration check at the same time?

Reorientation: As any Geometrist will tell you, they are nothing but flexible. They understand the world can’t revolve around them, and not everything can be perfectly lined up just for them. As long as things are lined up for someone they can make do. See? Perfectly flexible.

When manifesting any power that affects a Line area, the Geometrist can manifest it as if he were standing anywhere within a circle centered on him with radius equal to the spell’s range to which he has line of sight. The spell can be aimed in any direction from this point, but any area that would be affected beyond this circle is, instead, not.

OK, rewrite time: "Whenever manifesting a power which affects a Line, the Geometrist can have the spell originate from any square within the power's range to which he has line of sight, oriented in any direction. However, the effects of the power do not extend further from him than the range of the power, no matter where the origin square is. For example, a Geometrist manifesting Energy Bolt in an open meadow could cause the line to originate from any square within 120 feet, but if the 120-foot line would extend further than 120 feet from him, the effect would terminate at the power's maximum range."

Matching Set: Organization goes beyond simple spatial placement but still, please don’t move that, it’s there for a reason. If possible, things should share common characteristics as well, or at least all receive the same treatment so one doesn’t stand out.

Any time the Geometrist and at least two allies occupy the same line, all Personal effects affecting the Geometrist are shared among all of his allies occupying that line.

Nice ability, I like it. By the way, I forgot to say: can you add level keys to the abilities? Nice if you don't have to keep flipping back and forth to the table to figure out when you get what ability.

Placing Everything: Sometimes, you just need to move something and move it fast. Creatures don’t understand that there is a place for them, no matter how gently you might suggest it to them. Eventually, you can’t be gentle anymore.

The Geometrist can manifest Shunt as a psi-like ability.

I really think that maybe you should have a New Powers spoiler at the end, which has Everything In Its Place and Shunt in it. Makes things a little cleaner.

Shunt

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Level: 5
Display: Material and visual
Manifesting Time: 1 standard action (See below)
Range: Close (25 ft. + 5 ft./2 levels)
Target: One creature
Duration: Instantaneous
Saving Throw: Will Negates (See below)
Power Resistance: Yes
Power Points: 9

You forcibly teleport one creature against its will up to 25’ in any direction. Creatures cannot be teleported to an environment that cannot support them.

If this power is manifested as a standard action, there is no save. This power can, alternatively, be manifested as a Swift action. In this case, a successful Will save prevents the teleportation.

Augment

For every additional power point you spend, the distance you can teleport the target increases by 5’. For ever 10’ this distance increases, the save DC increases by 1.

Pretty nuts, actually… I might force an attack roll, if you have a way to remove the save. Note that the previous power was a Psion power, and this one isn't. I would aim for consistency. Also, can you teleport someone into an area which has spells & whatnot affecting the area? Like, toss that guy back into the Black Tentacles?

Clean and Neat: Efficiency is key. The more efficiently something can be done, the more that thing should be done. It just makes sense.

By expending his Psionic Focus, the Geometrist can cause Powers he manifests that affect an area have additional, powerful effects based on the number of creatures affected.

{table=head]Number of Creatures | Additional Effect
1 | None
2 | Power is Empowered
3 | Power is Twinned
4 | Power is Maximized
5 | Power is Maximized and Empowered
6+ | Power is Maximized, Empowered, and Twinned
[/table]

I'm not sure why Maximize is easier than Twin, since a lot of the time x2 is better than max… I also am just not crazy about having metapower effects… or if you're going to include them, require at least one of them in the prereqs? Also, do creatures with PR or who make their saves count as being affected? Either way this should be clarified.

Psionic Tether (Ps): No matter how hard you try, some things will just never work the way you want them to. A little delusion never hurts. Just pretend that orc is standing dutifully in its spot, and act accordingly.

At will, as a swift action, the Geometrist can mentally “tether” a creature to a point. The creature and the square it is in are both marked for a number of rounds equal to the Geometrist’s Int score. For this duration, a glowing psionic tether connects the creature with the square it was in when this ability was used. During this time, for the purposes of the Geometrist’s Powers and abilities, the Geometrist can target any square the tether passes through as if the creature occupied that square. Abilities that affect multiple squares still only affect the creature once.

Cool ability! I'm not crazy about the wording, but I can't think of another way to word it right now...

Your Place in the Universe: Having finally reached a level of mastery of using his psionic powers to order the world around him, the Geometrist turns them upon himself, finally having found a way to bring a little bit of quiet to his own existence. Ensconsed deep within his safe place, the Geometrist places his mental capacities within a special item, stored safely exactly where it is meant to be. From the safety of its new home, his mind is free to purge the body of the roiling maelstrom of blood, and guide his newly forged body in full knowledge that, no matter where his body may go, his mind is always truly exactly where it should be.

The Geometrist’s type changes to Undead. Do not recalculate BAB saves or skill points, size remains unchanged. Change all past and future HD to d12s. His base natural armor increases by 5.

"Ensconced" is how it's spelled. So basically he becomes a psionic lich? I'm not sure I like this capstone…

He gains the Intelligence Drain special attack.

Intelligence Drain (Su): Any intelligent creature the Geometrist hits with a touch attack must succeed a Will save (DC 10 + ½ HD + Int mod) or take 1d6 points of Int drain.

He gains the following Special Qualities.

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Turn Resistance (Ex): The Geometrist has +6 turn resistance.

Damage Reduction (Ex): The Geometrist’s body is tried and preserved through processes known only to himself. This gives his body damage reduction 10/bludgeoning and magic.

Fast Healing (Ex): The psionic energies keeping his body moving and his consciousness active in the body actively seek out new material to repair wounds the body suffers. He gains Fast Healing 2.

Empty Bodied Clarity (Ex): Increase the Geometrist as follows: +2 Int, +2 Wis.

Immunities (Ex): As his mind isn’t actually contained in the brain anymore, the Geometrist gains certain immunities. He becomes immune to polymorph and mind-affecting spells and abilities.

The Special Place

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To undergo his final transformation into a creature of quiet, preserved order, the Geometrist must ensconce his consciousness in a crystal in a ritual that takes 3 days and 5000g worth of materials. This crystal retains the true source of his intellect, and unless it is destroyed, a slain Geometrist can reconstruct a body from base particles and resurrect in 1d6 weeks.

The Special Place has a manifester level equal to the creator’s manifester level at the time of creation. It is a Tiny object, made of some form of crystal and having 40 hit points, 20 hardness, and a break DC of 40.

I would spoiler all of the effects of this together.

Yeah, not crazy about the capstone. It just seems kinda out of left field… the rest of the abilities are about manipulating powers in different ways. I'll see if I can come up with any new capstone ideas… right now I'm really tired and am blanking on them.

Very interesting class! I think you went a unique direction with the theme.

Hm... I'd like to trade PEACHes with you sometime, sirpercival. I'll probably get one for the Clockwork Cenobite up either tonight or sometime over the weekend.

Sounds good.

[Fable Wright]

Clockwork Cenobites PEACH

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First impressions: An order of super-monks that wear armor that have mobility in a suit of metal. Unfortunately, they can't be Iron man, though they can come close.

Class Requirements
So, a 1-level Monk dip and 4 levels in any class with Concentration as a class skill. Monk is actually an amazing class for the first two levels, and decent for the next 4; this class seems like it offers abilities that make Monk actually worth taking for the next few levels. I'll consider it with a Monk 5 base, as that does get the most benefit from the class.

Chassis:
The saves are a bit odd; usually, they increase at a rate of +2/+3/+3/+4/+4, rather than +2/+2/+3/+3/+4. I'm going to assume that's a typo, for now.

d8 HD, which seems odd, given that they're moving in a tanky direction. Also doesn't help the Monk's need for Con, due to a low HD size. More skills, which were sorely needed, though the increase isn't explored that much in the fluff.

Full BAB, as expected. It's basically a direct improvement over the Monk chassis, which is already pretty amazing.

Monk abilities- why isn't Slow Fall progressed? I guess it's to keep people from gaining the ability after a monk dip, but why not just have a note that if you don't have the monk abilities at the time, they don't improve? I.e. Requiring monk level 4 in order to progress Slow Fall? It screws with the wording a bit, but it would fit better flavorfully.

Mechanus Skin:
Wait, monks are treated as unarmored in that?

They don't get Dex to AC, but they get unarmored speed boosts and Wis to AC. This is a bit of a fluff disconnect for me; including some note of why these abilities and benefits are still progressed in the least mobile suit of armor in the multiverse would be appreciated; they can move at lightning speeds and dodge many hits... but they can't tumble or jump for their life? Though, this does help the Monk's MAD a bit; they don't need to pump Dex as much, anymore...

I'm not entirely sure about this ability as it stands right now, though. At level 6, the Monk's AC is 21+Wis before things like Amulet of Natural Armor and Enhancement bonuses. It's probably fine, but it still sets off warning bells in my head when AC is improved by +8 or more suddenly. Maybe make the suit grow with the Cenobite? Give them the benefits of a Breastplate as they first take the class, which upgrades to full Mechanus plate at level 3? It probably doesn't affect the balance much, but it's something to think about.

Infinite Gyre:
This is the kind of ability that makes me nervous; it's a positive feedback loop. If you miss, you have a worse chance to hit, meaning you miss more, meaning you have an even worse chance to hit, and so on. In Rocket-Tag environments, this doesn't matter that much, but in long, drawn-out boss battles? This will either get the BBEG to try to ignore you (and you can't exactly force him to do otherwise, though you can close the distance to him well) or hit you with spells (which you shrug off, being a Monk and all), or eventually wind up with a flurry of misses on his attack step. I'm a bit worried about this, is all; it means that after a while, you no longer have to worry about getting hit in combat; Mooks can't hit you well, spells don't work very well, and anything that focuses on you begins to suffer penalties. Maybe just have the penalty expire 1 full round after the last attack that was made on the Cenobite? Otherwise, as a boss monster or something similar, it's going to be a nightmare to bring down.

Refined Musculature:
Even MORE AC Boosters! Flavor question, though: Why does the critical hit negate chance not increase as Refined Musculature improves? Also, the ACP is going to be killing the monk, even after gaining this ability...

Inevitable Strike:
Powerful; stick it on the last attack of a sequence, and force through some bonus damage, or stick it on the only attack you make in a round for some nice bonus damage. But, because it's 1/round and limited uses per day, it isn't that bad. I actually really like it.

Mechanus Motion:
This is why I don't understand why Slow Fall isn't progressed. Though, it brings up some interesting rules questions: If Roc tries to carry him off, what happens to him and the rock? If he's brought into an opponent's square through Swallow Whole, how does that work? And what other effects, aside from Bull Rush, moves him without teleporting him?

Either way, very flavorful ability. I like it.

Synchronocity:
Perhaps any ally within Slow Fall range? With the Cenobite being a fast, mobile combatant, making him shackle himself to an endpoint for this ability seems odd. Of course, with having him intercept in from a distance, that would bring up other questions if he didn't move adjacent to the ally to intercept the attack, but still. Other than that, it seems fine.

Ordered Flight:
Not within {slow fall distance} feet of the ground? And this feature grants no benefit who didn't actually take levels in the monk class? And does this speed get halved by the Mechanus plate? It's a good feature, as giving melee classes flight is important, but some bits do stick out as odd.

Great Gear of Nirvana:
...The monk punches someone and a gear comes out of nowhere and grapples them without actually grappling them. Okay then. I wouldn't make it a grapple, if you're not going to treat it like one; it's more of a Hold Monster effect that grants an additional save each round to escape.

Improved Inevitable Strike:
Automatic hits and double damage effects make me leery, especially when it also maximizes dice... Perhaps require 2 Stunning Fist uses for the upgrade, at least? The doubling maximized damage makes me nervous.

Immutability:
Weaker than normal SR; the Wis bonus isn't likely to be +5 or greater. Perhaps make it class level + character level + wis modifier?

Greater Synchronicity:
Seems good. It's a powerful ability, certainly, but it fits the power level at this stage of the game.

Perfection:
Bit of a lackluster ability, there. Living Construct is great and all, but it's an LA+0 race. There are full-casting classes granting LA+4 templates out there. Maybe bundle in the immunities for everyone, and throw in a nice ability that has a few uses per day. Perhaps something like Timeless Body as an immediate action (1-3) times per day? Capstones should be something really good, and this one disappoints.

[Hyooz]

Oh god thank you so much SirPercival. I fought with so many of those wordings for so long and somehow you've cleaned them up so much more than I could manage.

And yeah, I'm not crazy about the capstone either. It started as an idea I thought would be fun, but like you said, it just kind of... appears. I'm playing with different, more fitting ideas.

So, again, thank you very much, this one definitely needed a solid once-over. I'll try to get a peach up for you soon.

[sirpercival]

Clockwork Cenobites PEACH

Thank you!!

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Chassis:
The saves are a bit odd; usually, they increase at a rate of +2/+3/+3/+4/+4, rather than +2/+2/+3/+3/+4. I'm going to assume that's a typo, for now.

I think you'll see if you look at any published materials that my progression is the correct one. It's +0.5 per level with a +2 bonus at 1st level.

d8 HD, which seems odd, given that they're moving in a tanky direction. Also doesn't help the Monk's need for Con, due to a low HD size. More skills, which were sorely needed, though the increase isn't explored that much in the fluff.

Do you think it would go amiss if I increased the HD to d10? That's the construct HD, anyway... so it probably makes sense. I'm going to change it.

Skills are identical to a monk (gotta love copy/paste).

Full BAB, as expected. It's basically a direct improvement over the Monk chassis, which is already pretty amazing.

As I said... :)

Monk abilities- why isn't Slow Fall progressed? I guess it's to keep people from gaining the ability after a monk dip, but why not just have a note that if you don't have the monk abilities at the time, they don't improve? I.e. Requiring monk level 4 in order to progress Slow Fall? It screws with the wording a bit, but it would fit better flavorfully.

I should add Slow Fall in now that there are class features based on it. Good call.

Mechanus Skin:
Wait, monks are treated as unarmored in that?

Lol, yes! That's the basic idea.

They don't get Dex to AC, but they get unarmored speed boosts and Wis to AC. This is a bit of a fluff disconnect for me; including some note of why these abilities and benefits are still progressed in the least mobile suit of armor in the multiverse would be appreciated; they can move at lightning speeds and dodge many hits... but they can't tumble or jump for their life? Though, this does help the Monk's MAD a bit; they don't need to pump Dex as much, anymore...

Well, it takes some getting used to, moving around in restrictive armor. At least that's the idea.

I'm not entirely sure about this ability as it stands right now, though. At level 6, the Monk's AC is 21+Wis before things like Amulet of Natural Armor and Enhancement bonuses. It's probably fine, but it still sets off warning bells in my head when AC is improved by +8 or more suddenly. Maybe make the suit grow with the Cenobite? Give them the benefits of a Breastplate as they first take the class, which upgrades to full Mechanus plate at level 3? It probably doesn't affect the balance much, but it's something to think about.

I had considered doing something like that, actually, but I think the problem you're having is that it's a discontinuous jump from the base monk instead of a stepped progression. I don't mind it because it was starting from such a low point, you know? A monk/clockbite is still not as good as a crusader.

Infinite Gyre:
This is the kind of ability that makes me nervous; it's a positive feedback loop. If you miss, you have a worse chance to hit, meaning you miss more, meaning you have an even worse chance to hit, and so on. In Rocket-Tag environments, this doesn't matter that much, but in long, drawn-out boss battles? This will either get the BBEG to try to ignore you (and you can't exactly force him to do otherwise, though you can close the distance to him well) or hit you with spells (which you shrug off, being a Monk and all), or eventually wind up with a flurry of misses on his attack step. I'm a bit worried about this, is all; it means that after a while, you no longer have to worry about getting hit in combat; Mooks can't hit you well, spells don't work very well, and anything that focuses on you begins to suffer penalties. Maybe just have the penalty expire 1 full round after the last attack that was made on the Cenobite? Otherwise, as a boss monster or something similar, it's going to be a nightmare to bring down.

Hm, maybe I'll put some sort of cooldown on it, that's a good idea.

Refined Musculature:
Even MORE AC Boosters! Flavor question, though: Why does the critical hit negate chance not increase as Refined Musculature improves? Also, the ACP is going to be killing the monk, even after gaining this ability...

I forgot to put scaling on the fortification, good call. I should probably reduce the ACP by 3 each time... and Nimble is only a +1 bonus.

Inevitable Strike:
Powerful; stick it on the last attack of a sequence, and force through some bonus damage, or stick it on the only attack you make in a round for some nice bonus damage. But, because it's 1/round and limited uses per day, it isn't that bad. I actually really like it.

Yay!

Mechanus Motion:
This is why I don't understand why Slow Fall isn't progressed. Though, it brings up some interesting rules questions: If Roc tries to carry him off, what happens to him and the rock? If he's brought into an opponent's square through Swallow Whole, how does that work? And what other effects, aside from Bull Rush, moves him without teleporting him?

Either way, very flavorful ability. I like it.

I would think that the Roc's speed would be reduced by the requisite amount. And the swallow whole would either pull the creature into the clockbite's square or not work at all (DM's choice). Other things which could move him include things like weather, being tied up on a cart, etc.

Synchronocity:
Perhaps any ally within Slow Fall range? With the Cenobite being a fast, mobile combatant, making him shackle himself to an endpoint for this ability seems odd. Of course, with having him intercept in from a distance, that would bring up other questions if he didn't move adjacent to the ally to intercept the attack, but still. Other than that, it seems fine.

I like the connectivity, so I'll adjust the wording to include it. I'm letting them intercept without moving, which is kind of anime but helps with balance, I think.

Ordered Flight:
Not within {slow fall distance} feet of the ground? And this feature grants no benefit who didn't actually take levels in the monk class? And does this speed get halved by the Mechanus plate? It's a good feature, as giving melee classes flight is important, but some bits do stick out as odd.

Good comments, adjusted and clarified.

Great Gear of Nirvana:
...The monk punches someone and a gear comes out of nowhere and grapples them without actually grappling them. Okay then. I wouldn't make it a grapple, if you're not going to treat it like one; it's more of a Hold Monster effect that grants an additional save each round to escape.

The problem is that Hold Monster is paralysis, which is not that difficult to be immune to. And Hold Monster also gets a save each round. Grappling applies specific penalties, which are the ones I want, even if it doesn't work very much like normal grappling.

Improved Inevitable Strike:
Automatic hits and double damage effects make me leery, especially when it also maximizes dice... Perhaps require 2 Stunning Fist uses for the upgrade, at least? The doubling maximized damage makes me nervous.

Ah yes, that's a good idea. Altered.

Immutability:
Weaker than normal SR; the Wis bonus isn't likely to be +5 or greater. Perhaps make it class level + character level + wis modifier?

So double counting the class levels? I'll just boost it to 10 base.

Greater Synchronicity:
Seems good. It's a powerful ability, certainly, but it fits the power level at this stage of the game.

Also, the fact that you can't redirect a spell at an enemy reduces the brokenness of it. Someone's going to take the bullet, you can just point the gun at the person wearing the vest.

Perfection:
Bit of a lackluster ability, there. Living Construct is great and all, but it's an LA+0 race. There are full-casting classes granting LA+4 templates out there. Maybe bundle in the immunities for everyone, and throw in a nice ability that has a few uses per day. Perhaps something like Timeless Body as an immediate action (1-3) times per day? Capstones should be something really good, and this one disappoints.

Hm. Okay, I'll bœuf it up.

[Amechra]

sirpercival, he's right about the saves; your formula works out to be 1+(level+1)/2, not 2+(level)/2

[sirpercival]

sirpercival, he's right about the saves; your formula works out to be 1+(level+1)/2, not 2+(level)/2

Oh my! I completely misunderstood what he was saying, and didn't look at what I had done. Apologies, DMoD -- yes, it's a typo. I shall fix.

[Amechra]

Can I have a PEACH too?

If it isn't much trouble?

DMoD, I've been kind of busy; I'll try to get you your PEACH ASAP.

[sirpercival]

Can I have a PEACH too?

If it isn't much trouble?

Is this to me? Because I did PEACH yours already...

[Amechra]

Curse you not sleeping!

I'll take a look.

[Amechra]

Ask, and ye shall receive! This is pretty much stream of consciousness.

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Already said I love this.

Might be better to say "not well-defined" rather than "relevant" -- some of it can be relevant in relation to the original paladin's code. Or rather just say that you're defining them for the purposes of this class, with no bearing on other mechanical effects.

I'm not convinced that intention should make a difference. Ignorance is no excuse, right? Also, "the most relevant governing group" may not be well-defined in any given situation. From the rest of the fluff, it seems like maybe this should be more along the lines of "the laws which are convenient to the Paladin's mission & purpose". Laws conflict all over the place, even when laid down by the same governing body; a character will have to choose which laws to be enforcing at any given time, and being LE (even though they think they're in the right) will probably pick the convenient ones.

Maybe put in explicitly that orders from superiors always take precedence over the given laws. Also it's probably cleaner to include the "it's okay for violence" thing above to go along with that… something like "orders take precedence, & violence is okay" since they're both exceptions to the normal rule.

Ah, this is what I was talking about above.

Lol.

There's no way to satisfy this and not start out as evil, I think… or rather, you would have to achieve 5th level in warlock and then change your alignment to lawful, which might be easier said than done.

Also, the warlock part of this doesn't necessarily make sense thematically. Why would someone like this (who seems rather militant, tbh) take 5 levels of warlock? I understand the class features are synergistic, but I'm not sure the prereq is justified.
This doesn't necessarily seem to fit -- I would think that a better justification would be "to prevent them from breaking the law". Or is this a 0th Law thing? That makes some sense...

Don't forget this!

Don't forget saves… probably good fort & will, I would think. Full BAB and d10 HD is nice for a melee class, of course. 8/10 invocation progression is also good, my favorite balance point.

I understand why this is here, though I'm still a little confused why thematically this is a warlock prc. I might have expected to see this as a prereq, a la abjurant champion.

Hmm… normally this does progress Eldritch Blast, doesn't it? You require the CF but don't progress it? And you progress invocations but don't require them?

Very nice!

So a LE character taking, for example, exalted feats? Awesome. Instead of saying "consider themselves to be Good for the purposes of prerequisites", maybe should say "are considered to be etc.". While alignments are in-game constructs, prerequisites aren't.

I'm not sure how well this works as written. You're kinda dancing between game and metagame… the other flavor pieces seem to be inner-monologue-type stuff, while this is more of an aside to the reader. I'd pick one method and stick to it.

"They" is ambiguous. "…as laws are key…"

"Sometimes, one needs to…" reads a little more stentorian.

So literally replacing normal damage? Can the replacement damage be boosted with things like Power Attack? Also, it's not clear whether the EB damage stacks when smiting, or if it's only the opposite (smite damage stacking when EBing).

My suggestion, to make it much simpler, is just to have the "smite" damage be EB increases, and then have a smite be a melee attack which deals EB damage (+whatever). It's clean, and easy to adjudicate, and you can already add essences to EBs. The increased damage, as well, will most likely not be overpowered.

If you don't like that, make sure you at least indicate which caster level is being applied.

This is a little awkward. Flailing? Maybe: "A Paladin recognizes that those who remain when the dissidents have been weeded out may need some care and attention." Or something.

How about just saying they heal damage equal to their smite damage (however it's calculated)?

In addition, not alternatively, unless you intend them to choose which one when they gain the class feature and not be able to do the other.

Feats only? What if there are items, spells, soulmelds, etc. which would alter LoH?

This is a little indirect to determine. Why not say "as long as they are engaged in righteous behavior"?

"Flawless obsessions" is awesome. Sounds like a great band/song name :D

Maybe instead "is immune to Charisma penalties, damage, burn, and/or drain, as well as penalties to Charisma-based skill checks" would be cleaner.

Hm. OK, I had thought that "ignorance is no excuse" should be more central to the class. As in, shouldn't people learn the laws in the places they live? Otherwise how can they live righteously? I had thought the onus would be more heavily on the subjects. But it may be irrelevant anyway.

Alright, first of all the wording of this begs the question: what kind of action does the modification require? A better wording is probably: "Any time a Paladin of at least 3rd level successfully affects a creature with one of his invocations, as part of the same action he may also force the affected creature to roll a Will save (DC 10 + class level + Cha modifier) or become Aware. This is a mind-affecting effect." I love the phylactery of faithfulness idea, though it has a couple problems -- it requires the creature to concentrate on what they're about to do (though I guess the Paladin doesn't care about that, really), and it doesn't have any bearing on laws unless the target is lawful. It only matters about their alignment and deity. Perhaps you should say "it works like PoF except that the creature is aware of any act which conflicts with a Lawful alignment, no matter what the subject's true alignment" or something. Also, is the marking visible to others?

Lol.

How large is the aura? Also, I think it reads better as: "A Paladin of at least 3rd level emits an aura of radius X feet, which grants to all allies within the area a morale bonus on all Craft, Knowledge, Profession, and Charisma-based skill checks equal to the Paladin's Charisma modifier. This bonus only applies when making checks as part of the pursuit of Righteous behavior.

However, if a creature within the radius of the aura, whom the Paladin threatens, performs Unrighteous behavior, the creature provokes an attack of opportunity from the Paladin. He may only use this attack of opportunity to perform a smite attack. etc."

These effects seem somewhat dissimilar to be handed out as the same ability. They don't scale intuitively, and in particular the 7th-level ability should be part of Chide, not this. However, if you want to keep them grouped, I would word it like this: "Beginning at 4th level, any creature that the Paladin rides may gain the benefit of the Paladin's Zealot's Cause ability. The beasts… etc. At 7th level, the Paladin can use his Chide the Wayward Children ability as a gaze attack with a range of X feet; this gaze attack only has an active effect, not a passive one." The last two abilities, what level do they come at?

I would just call it Detect Unrighteous, and say it works like Detect Evil. Also, does it detect creatures which have been Unrighteous at any point in their lives, or is there a time limit?

I'm not sure this is necessary, simply due to being kind of obvious. It's a fun sentence, though, so maybe you should leave it in.

"receives a Will save". Hm, permanent awareness? Cool.

I would rewrite this thusly: "A creature which has been affected by this ability must make a Will save (DC X) or have its alignment shifted one step closer to Lawful. In addition, the affected creature abhors unrighteous behavior, and treats any charm or compulsion effect that attempts to make them perform Unrighteous behavior as if it were a suicidal order." Or something like that.

dun dun DUUUUUUUUN!

The "them" in the first sentence is ambiguous, change it to "the target" or "the subject". After the semicolon, should maybe read "on a failed save, the target creature bursts out of its skin, dying instantly due to its lawbreaking ways (this is a Death effect). The blood patterns serve to tell anyone who can read them precisely which laws the lawbreaker broke." And then include some rules there for being able to rad the blood patterns.

Can they Aid Another more than once per round using this ability? Clarify either way.

Also, if the second ability only triggers on an Aid Another -> attack, it should read like this: "in addition, whenever the Paladin successfully uses Aid Another to increase an ally's attack roll, if that attack roll is successful, the attacked creature is also affected by either the Paladin's Chide the Wayward Child ability or his True Condemnation ability, chosen by the Paladin when making the Aid Another attempt."

If it triggers on any Aid Another (skill checks, etc.) then it should read like this: "in addition, whenever the Paladin successfully uses Aid Another on an ally, the next time that ally makes an attack against a creature, the attacked creature is also affected by either the Paladin's Chide the Wayward Child ability or his True Condemnation ability (assuming the attack is successful), chosen by the Paladin when making the Aid Another attempt."

Love this. "Fool's gambit" is such an evocative phrase… :D

"Whenever a foe provokes an attack of opportunity from a Paladin of at least 7th level due to the Paladin's Aura of Conviction ability, that attack does not use up one of the Paladin's attacks of opportunity for the round; it would be ridiculous…"

"In addition, the Paladin may choose to forgo the attack of opportunity granted by Aura of Conviction, in which case the offending creature is silenced, as per the spell with a caster level equal to the Paladin's caster level for invocations. Their traitorous words simply stop at their lips, thus preventing their heresy from spreading."

Lol. Nice.

"therefore"

"The Paladin may choose to have his Chide the Wayward Child ability affect any non-Awakened creature who enters within range of his aura. Such a creature only receives a save once every 24 hours spent within the Paladin's aura." Also, which aura? Conviction, or Righteous Presence?

Sweet. I will say that normally when brewing, whenever I make an ability pierce immunities, I generally give an ex-immune creature a +4 or +5 bonus on the save. Up to you, though.

Trains are anachronistic, though I like the image.

"Any creature affected by the Paladin's Chide the Wayward Child ability must make 2 consecutive saves to end the effect instead of 1. Conversely, if an affected creature fails two consecutive saves, the creature becomes Fixed (as per the Paladin's Repair Broken Cogs class feature)."

Need to define what counts as an organization. Also: "Any creature that belongs to an organization where at least half of the members became Aware due to the same Paladin gains the benefit of that Paladin's Aura of Conviction ability. Whenever a creature joins such an organization, it is treated as if it just entered within range of the Paladin's Aura." Need to specify that the awareness came from the same Paladin, otherwise which Aura do they get the benefit from?

Weird… have the Paladin's artificer cohort sell items at a discount, and make the whole world Aware. :D Anyway, "Finally, a Paladin learns that Awareness of the law must be contagious, or creatures slip slowly into Unrighteousness. Whenever a creature makes an item with a Craft check augmented by the Paladin's Aura of Conviction, or gains money from a Profession check augmented by the Aura, that creature is affected by the Paladins' Chide the Wayward Child class feature; additionally, any creature which comes in contact with an item made with a Craft check augmented by the Aura is similarly affected. A creature affected in this way need only make a save once per day per object."

Also, you need to define what "comes in contact" means -- skin contact? In possession?

I really like all of this -- in fact, I want more! Can you flesh it out a little more?

Overall: great class :D I'm still not sure where the Warlock connection comes in… I feel like there's something I'm missing. Either way, there are only a couple abilities which synergize with warlock stuff. Maybe build more interconnectivity into the class features?

Holy crap, this PEACH is long. Um… don't feel the need to respond to everything I said, just the things you want more discussion on.

Just as a quick response before I run out the door:

It's a Warlock PrC because, to me, thematically, Warlocks are the class most evocative to pact-making and transhumanist... stuff.

I also love the Warlock, and aim to give it as much love as possible.

You know, though, I might modify it so that it advances your caster level, and requires you have CL 5 and Detect Magic as a spell-like ability, thus letting Warlocks in naturally and giving other groups a little bit of hoop jumping to get in (you could take a 1 level dip in a couple things.)

Great suggestions, though; I see you like the fluff?

[Zallera]

Got my fowl rider about half done, Capstone involves a bizarre man-turkey fusion and the fluff is done just need to type it out.
Even though it is a bit of a silly class I'm kinda aiming it at being a cavalier who isn't total rubbish the second he steps off his mount.

[Kazyan]

Oh dear, what am I doing, I never finish these kinds of things and typo all over the place and I'm supposed to be NaNoing whaaaat.

Anyway, that's an intellectual-overtones thingie PrC for Dex-based melee builds and the Ferocity barbarian, both of which are awesome and need more love.

[Krimm_Blackleaf]

I made a very minor alteration to my entry, but one I think is important for use in a game. Ironically enough, it's the most vague and open-ended feature of the class. Humanoids can now access the class.

[Kazyan]

I'm done tweaking my entry, except for adding that NPC statblock. Also there are probably still typos err'where, because that's how it goes.

[Techwarrior]

And... Here comes an idea. I'll try to have the basics up tonight.

[Eurus]

I wasn't going to enter, since alignment isn't my thing, but I may have been bit by the idea bug. So I've put up the very sparse skeleton of the Rose Magistrate, a vaguely Confucian scholar-priest with nature magic. We'll see if I actually manage to finish the dang thing.

Also, I can't find a picture for the life of me. Or at least, not one that's available for use...

[Glimbur]

My class is up. It's... a thing.

[ErrantX]

7 day warning bell folks!

-X

[Eurus]

My entry should be finished. No idea if it's good, but it's finished.

[ErrantX]

I'll be posting the voting thread this afternoon, I was dog tired last night and am currently working atm. Just letting you all know I'm not dead and I have intentions.

-X

[sirpercival]

I'll be posting the voting thread this afternoon, I was dog tired last night and am currently working atm. Just letting you all know I'm not dead and I have intentions.

-X

Unacceptable, coo-roo! You must post now, r'coo-roo!

-Captain of Industry Pigeon

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[ErrantX]

Alright, a couple days late but hey, at least it happened :D

Here's the VOTING THREAD!


Go get at it, and I'll post the new contest soon.

-X

[sirpercival]

Hey Amechra, I just noticed: you're missing save progression on the Paladin... :(

[Morph Bark]

Y'know, I have a great idea for this contest, but I'd be afraid people would interpret the source of my inspiration entirely wrongly.

[Amechra]

I know, I've been busy. If anyone still wants to consider it for voting, it has Will and Fort as its good saves.

[bindin garoth]

I saw the new contest, and long and behold, inspiration hit!

We'll see if I have time to 'brew it up for this contest.