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  1. - Top - End - #511
    Barbarian in the Playground
     
    Griffon

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    Default Re: Crack Pairings V - We Revel in Infamy

    Ok, I’ve finished. So here is Therkla x inverted alignment bandit or thieves guild member love potion.

    Spoiler
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    Therkla waited in the shadows, watching as the thieves laughed and celebrated over their latest spoils. This was going to be a difficult assignment. Soon only one of the thieves remained to guard the chest that they had recently “acquired”. She would have to make her move soon. “I’ve got to try some of this stuff out!” said the thief as he flung open the chest and donned a helmet. Sensing an opportunity, Therkla jumped out from the shadows, but she had obviously failed the opposed roll on her move silently check as the thief grabbed an item from the chest and jumped out the way. “Whoever you are, I don’t want to fight you,” said the thief, “but I will if you force me to and I’m sure that this potion will give me a big advantage in combat. I suggest that you leave so that I can return these items as I have just realized that stealing is wrong and wish to make up for my sinful past.” Therkla quickly grabbed an identical looking potion bottle and laughed, “Looks like we’re both getting the advantage, now prepare to die so I can go kill your master.”
    “I can’t let you do that!” cried the thief and they both downed the potions. Suddenly, however, Therkla noticed how attractive this thief was and that killing him wasn’t actually what she wanted to do to him. “Look,” said the thief, “do we really have to fight? I’ve shed too much blood in the past and while I’ve just met you I like you a lot already. How about we spend some time getting to know each other and come up with a different solution.”
    “That sounds good.” replied Therkla suggestively, “I’m Therkla, what’s your name and where can we find a place private enough for this “getting to know one another?””
    “My name is James,” came the reply, “and I know just the place.” Therkla hoped that Lord Kubota was willing to forgive this little failed assignment.


    Ok, it was quite complicated having to introduce a new character and have all that happen to him in such a small space. Oh well, hopefully the result isn’t too bad.

    Ok, we were challenged to do a Durkon x badger!V fic. This was very quick and not really thought out but hopefully it meets the challenge requirements.

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    “Yer know Vaarsuvius,” said Durkon, “Ah really identify wit yer more now that yer a burrorin’ creature. Ah mean we see more eye ta eye.” The pink badger simply blinked in response. “Ennaways, Ah was thinkin’ now that yer marriage is over, we can freely be tagetha.” The pink badger continued to blink. “Come wit me Vaarsuvius an Ah’ll show yer tha pleasure that o’nee a dwarf can giv.”


    Yay! I wrote my first V pairing. Now I’m a real crackfic writer! Now, I just need to write one where V is actually in elf form.

  2. - Top - End - #512
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    Default Re: Crack Pairings V - We Revel in Infamy

    Quote Originally Posted by Sereg View Post
    Ok, I’ve finished. So here is Therkla x inverted alignment bandit or thieves guild member love potion.

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    Therkla waited in the shadows, watching as the thieves laughed and celebrated over their latest spoils. This was going to be a difficult assignment. Soon only one of the thieves remained to guard the chest that they had recently “acquired”. She would have to make her move soon. “I’ve got to try some of this stuff out!” said the thief as he flung open the chest and donned a helmet. Sensing an opportunity, Therkla jumped out from the shadows, but she had obviously failed the opposed roll on her move silently check as the thief grabbed an item from the chest and jumped out the way. “Whoever you are, I don’t want to fight you,” said the thief, “but I will if you force me to and I’m sure that this potion will give me a big advantage in combat. I suggest that you leave so that I can return these items as I have just realized that stealing is wrong and wish to make up for my sinful past.” Therkla quickly grabbed an identical looking potion bottle and laughed, “Looks like we’re both getting the advantage, now prepare to die so I can go kill your master.”
    “I can’t let you do that!” cried the thief and they both downed the potions. Suddenly, however, Therkla noticed how attractive this thief was and that killing him wasn’t actually what she wanted to do to him. “Look,” said the thief, “do we really have to fight? I’ve shed too much blood in the past and while I’ve just met you I like you a lot already. How about we spend some time getting to know each other and come up with a different solution.”
    “That sounds good.” replied Therkla suggestively, “I’m Therkla, what’s your name and where can we find a place private enough for this “getting to know one another?””
    “My name is James,” came the reply, “and I know just the place.” Therkla hoped that Lord Kubota was willing to forgive this little failed assignment.


    Ok, it was quite complicated having to introduce a new character and have all that happen to him in such a small space. Oh well, hopefully the result isn’t too bad.

    Ok, we were challenged to do a Durkon x badger!V fic. This was very quick and not really thought out but hopefully it meets the challenge requirements.

    Spoiler
    Show
    “Yer know Vaarsuvius,” said Durkon, “Ah really identify wit yer more now that yer a burrorin’ creature. Ah mean we see more eye ta eye.” The pink badger simply blinked in response. “Ennaways, Ah was thinkin’ now that yer marriage is over, we can freely be tagetha.” The pink badger continued to blink. “Come wit me Vaarsuvius an Ah’ll show yer tha pleasure that o’nee a dwarf can giv.”


    Yay! I wrote my first V pairing. Now I’m a real crackfic writer! Now, I just need to write one where V is actually in elf form.
    FK YOU FK YOU! I JUST DREW A STEALTHY TIASAL AND NOW I FIND OUT SOMEBODY BEAT ME TO THE PUNCH!


    Edit: Oops sorry.

    Anyway If your asking if there is a face beneath the mask there is. I am just experimenting whith the Elf/Goblin/Orc Fang problem
    Last edited by Oooohaloophole; 2010-01-03 at 10:24 AM.

  3. - Top - End - #513
    Barbarian in the Playground
     
    Griffon

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    Default Re: Crack Pairings V - We Revel in Infamy

    Quote Originally Posted by Oooohaloophole View Post
    FK YOU FK YOU! I JUST DREW A STEALTHY TIASAL AND NOW I FIND OUT SOMEBODY BEAT ME TO THE PUNCH!


    Edit: Oops sorry.

    Anyway If your asking if there is a face beneath the mask there is. I am just experimenting whith the Elf/Goblin/Orc Fang problem
    ????

    Can you show me where I drew anything, or made any refference to Tiasal at at all, necause I don't remember doing that.

    EDIT: Unless your oops sorry means that you realized that I hadn't actually done that.

  4. - Top - End - #514
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    frown Re: Crack Pairings V - We Revel in Infamy

    Quote Originally Posted by Sereg View Post
    ????

    Can you show me where I drew anything, or made any refference to Tiasal at at all, necause I don't remember doing that.

    EDIT: Unless your oops sorry means that you realized that I hadn't actually done that.
    Yes sorry. Im actualy Making A Comic Using these sprites. Taisal/Therkla Sounds similar.
    I thought about something that would remind everybody about her parents yet remind everybody that shes a separate person. She is an arcane archer rouge.
    Last edited by Oooohaloophole; 2010-01-03 at 12:06 PM.

  5. - Top - End - #515
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    Default Re: Crack Pairings V - We Revel in Infamy

    Quote Originally Posted by Oooohaloophole View Post
    Yes sorry. Im actualy Making A Comic Using these sprites. Taisal/Therkla Sounds similar.
    I thought about something that would remind everybody about her parents yet remind everybody that shes a separate person. She is an arcane archer rouge.
    As odd as some of your other ideas have been, I could actually see Tiasal going Arcane Archer or Arcane Trickster in the future.


    For the benefit of those who don't play D&D (not you Oooohaloophole), Arcane Archer is a prestige class that's best for Wizards (or Sorcerers) with Fighter, Ranger, or Rogue levels. It lets you use an arrow's range for your spells and enchant arrows in a variety of ways. Arcane Trickster is a prestige class that's basically just a mashup of Rogue and Wizard/Sorcerer powers. I believe it gets full sneak attack and full or nearly full casting progression, but has poor hit points and base attack. Tiasal's certainly sneaky enough for either of them. Er, assuming she gets out of her current situation alive.

  6. - Top - End - #516
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    Default Re: Crack Pairings V - We Revel in Infamy

    Quote Originally Posted by Dark_Stryke View Post
    As odd as some of your other ideas have been, I could actually see Tiasal going Arcane Archer or Arcane Trickster in the future.


    For the benefit of those who don't play D&D (not you Oooohaloophole), Arcane Archer is a prestige class that's best for Wizards (or Sorcerers) with Fighter, Ranger, or Rogue levels. It lets you use an arrow's range for your spells and enchant arrows in a variety of ways. Arcane Trickster is a prestige class that's basically just a mashup of Rogue and Wizard/Sorcerer powers. I believe it gets full sneak attack and full or nearly full casting progression, but has poor hit points and base attack. Tiasal's certainly sneaky enough for either of them. Er, assuming she gets out of her current situation alive.
    Yess finaly got something right. The representitive of arcana is obvios. The representitive of Her fathers darkness is shown in rouge form. They both wheren't the best in melee but Tiasal is better in that sense (but still quite vernerable). So yeah, once Xycon finds that he realy ikes binding souls he will transend (I will have no PC souls devoured, have something good for a change)

  7. - Top - End - #517
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    Default Re: Crack Pairings V - We Revel in Infamy

    Alright, I have another odd question. If you had an attractive friend of your preferred gender, who, for whatever reason, you had to be naked with, how would you explain your discomfort to them? This is assuming the person in question is completely and utterly naive. I'm sorry for dramatically changing the subject, but I'm curious as to how someone else would handle this (I'm asexual, so the point is pretty much moot for me).

    ...And that is how I met your father.

  8. - Top - End - #518
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    Default Re: Crack Pairings V - We Revel in Infamy

    Quote Originally Posted by CheeseMuncher View Post
    Alright, I have another odd question. If you had an attractive friend of your preferred gender, who, for whatever reason, you had to be naked with, how would you explain your discomfort to them? This is assuming the person in question is completely and utterly naive. I'm sorry for dramatically changing the subject, but I'm curious as to how someone else would handle this (I'm asexual, so the point is pretty much moot for me).
    I'm just looking to clarify this for those this may confuse, with some possible verification if it turns out I'm wrong:

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    *you and said attractive friend are, for whatever reason, naked in the same room together*

    You: C'mon, there's gotta be clothes somewhere around here...

    Friend: Why's it so important that we find some clothes?

    You: Um, cuz it's really uncomfortable without them.

    Friend: Why?

    You: Uuuhhh... (Crap, what do I say?!)

    *Continue from here*


    Is that the kind of thing you were referring to, CM?
    Last edited by Thor Person Guy; 2010-01-03 at 02:12 PM.
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  9. - Top - End - #519
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    Default Re: Crack Pairings V - We Revel in Infamy

    I think you should spare a thought for V's father.
    Avatar by CoffeeIncluded

    Oooh, and that's a bad miss.

    “Don't exercise your freedom of speech until you have exercised your freedom of thought.”
    ― Tim Fargo

  10. - Top - End - #520
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    Exclamation Re: Crack Pairings V - We Revel in Infamy

    Roy/Celia'sSon + Elan/Haley'sDaughter

    I had to do it.

    Enjoy.

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    I knew he would be there. Mom had told me that uncle Roy and aunt Celia would be there. In a way, I couldn't wait anymore. In another, I wanted to fly away, if I could, and make sure he wouldn't see me...

    The first time we met, is when I was about 5. I don't remember that first meeting much. I remember our second meeting better, when I was 8. He wasn't much younger than me and my brother, and he was quite polite. My parents and their old friends were meeting. They seem to have got some great adventure together, and they were all speaking about funny things that had happened to them. And every time, all the children were there, including him.

    He was the weirdest boy I had ever met. I lived with my parents in pretty diverse place, but he had those large diaphanic wings on his back. Well, his mother is a Sylph, so it's normal. But it was still unusual, and I never forgot him afterwards. Moreover, he was the fairest guy, not like my annoying twin. We played a lot, when the grown-ups were chatting; but even if he had the advantage to fly and run away with those wings of his, he never used them with us. A few times again he cam.

    And then, I had not met him in years when, last year, Roy and Celia came back again for a short visit. He had grown up, as I had myself. And I remember my first thought. He seemed hot. Hotter than all the boys around. I got shy, and didn't speak to him at all for the first hours. My brother though got a lot of time with him. I was so jealous, and yet I felt so stupid. Could I just not be friendly with him instead of blushing every time I looked in his dark eyes? But uncle Roy was only going around their friends to see if they could meet.

    Then, a few months ago, we got the message that they, the parents, would all meet again in Cliffport. My mother had taken care of finding us a pretty hotel for all of us to be in. And then, the day arrived, and we were in Cliffport. I immediately ran in my assigned room, blushing as if I was burned by Hell's fire.

    "Dear", said my mother. "It seems everyone has arrived in the hall". My heart got heavy. I stood up and did some last preparations, showing up with the best dress I had taken with me.

    "Well, here isn't the twin", said my brother condescently.
    "Just say if he's here, and you know who I mean, and then just shut up.", did I answer in a very cold way.
    "He is, so you better blush, secret-holder", he replied.

    That annoying brat. He knowns exactly how to punch you in the face with words. But he's still good-hearted, and that's why I tolerate him. But he was there. I didn't want to see him. What if he had become ugly? What would he think of my dress? Will I be good enough for him? Ah!

    "Well, my good god Banjo, I defer to you. I know how well it went for my mom. So could you just make sure all goes well for me?"

    I walked slowly down the hallway, half-expecting my brother to have set some trap just to humiliate me. But he hadn't, or I was lucky enough to not trigger them. My father's god's good luck seemed to work. And so I arrived at the large stairs going into the large main hall.

    "Well, what a lass do ye have thar, Haley.", remarked the priestly clad dwarf.
    "She holds a lot from her father.", she answered.

    But I was looking in the hall everywhere for someone else. I was looking for his dark skinned face. And then, it struck me. He was there, he was looking at me. He was smiling at me. I felt my cheeks blushing like they never did before, and I got down.

    I did not go straight to him at first. It would have been way too obvious. Instead, I joined the girls. There was that noblegirl, she was tall and felt very strong. And there was that half-dwarf, the cleric's daughter. We chatted a little about our lifes. The noblegirl had joined a temple and learned the monks' ways. The half-dwarf joined her city's guard. On my said, I wasn't sure but thought of becoming a priest, at which the half-dwarf recommended her father.

    But during the chat, I always turned my face towards that boy. Well, now he really looked like a man, and of the manly king. He was now fully grown up, and it showed how hard he had trained to be as he is. He didn't look like my brother at all, which is for the better. He had those large shoulders, the huge arms. He had legs, oh my gods, even though you would have thought he didn't walk much with his wings. Did he have a weak place? How would I be able to get a hold on him. The half-dwarf noticed it.

    "Geez, go and get him already.", did she say suddenly.
    "What?", did I answer, surprised.
    "Good, not Stupid. It's obvious. And it's not only you, if you really want to know."

    We stopped chatting, and the girls got on me. Now that I could look at him more intently, I couldn't fail to notice myself. He was always looking at me when he could. But it wasn't the time yet to get together. A great dinner was to be served in a few minutes. But after dinner...

    ---

    I was sitting next to my brother and the young noblewoman. Luckily, the boy wasn't in front of me, I couldn't have lived through it otherwise. But I was there, always looking at him on the side. He was talking with Hinjo's heir, who had come for is father. They seemed to have a lot of fun together, and my brother was happily joining their conversation from time to time. And then there was the toast to the old times by the parents, and a band invited by my father joined in to give us some good music.

    Now was the moment. I made sure I seemed calm, at least as much as I could, and I walked around the table. But he had got up, and had expand his wings widely and had come straight towards me. I looked at my brother for a second, and he had that big smile on him saying, "Blush!". Screw you and your clever expressions! But now he was right in front of me. And... oh my gods, he took my hand directly. I thought I would have died!

    "Would you want to share a dance", he asked very politely.
    "Uh... Sure... Uh...", did I mumble as an answer.

    He than grappled my hand harder and brought me on the dance floor. He then placed his other hand on my waist, and he placed his large chest near my body. And he drove the dance perfectly. He made me feel secure in his arms. It felt warm, very warm. I slowly let go of myself into him, and instead of holding him in a proper and polite way, I was hugging him and holding him by the neck, my whole body against his, wanting to feel his warmth even further. I wasn't blushing any more. I felt like in paradise.

    He was courteous, and didn't make any move before I did any. But slowly, he took me fully into his arms, and I was feeling them in my back, holding me hard against him. His head was against mine, not saying a word. I felt some wind by us, I felt a little cold, but he calmy reassured me and held even stronger to pass more of his warmth.

    And then, he made is single move, for which I will forever die. He kissed me. Oh. My. Gods. I never felt something like that before. It came through all my body, and I felt it in all my soul. He loved me. It wasn't that much a kiss, but it meant all the kisses he could have done otherwise. Gentle, but passionate.

    --

    We danced the whole night. It was fun to have him hold me all that time. We didn't speak much : what was there to be said. But I wanted to tell him that simple "I love you". It never came out. But it was fun, and he even made me fly, litterally. This was the best night that I ever had.

    But it eventually came to an end. And I knew what it meant. He would go back to his room, and I would go back to mine, frustrated like all the lowlifes in the Abyss. But then, I looked at my brother. Would he do that? No, he wouldn't. But then I witnessed what made me feel so ashamed.

    He was there with our parents. And our father laughed at what my brother said and came straight to me. Mom was smiling so wide I couldn't fail to notice.

    "Well, my daughter. Why don't you do like I did myself, 20 years before. Go with him."

    I had to expect such thing coming from him, but, as straightforward as that? And then, I looked at my man. He eventually caught my sight and came to see me.

    "What is it", he said.
    "Well... How did he say it... Hmmm", I thought to myself.
    "Is there something wrong, sweetie?"

    I melted. He called me "sweetie". Definitely...

    "How should I say it.", I felt incredibly dumb. And then I looked in his eyes. They were shining. I could see some lights in them, and they were getting brighter. "Become innocent, like your silly dad", did I think to myself. And I simply said :

    "Wanna make out?"

    He was stunned, and yet I could feel that he wasn't disgusted at the thought, at all.

    "Yeah, sure.", did he answer, as simply as I asked.

    --

    "Well, Celia. I am very happy for our man."
    "He sure has grown up. And look at him, does it remind you of someone."
    "Yeah."
    "And she's a beautiful blonde."
    "Yeah, Haley and Elan's daughter."

    Roy suddenly felt wrong.

    "Elan's daughter. Blonde. Elan. Blonde. And my son.... Honey, can I ask you something?"
    "What is it Roy, you seem sick."
    "I need brain bleach."
    Beware the many wrong things in this spoiler!
    Spoiler
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    The Order of the Stick Jr.
    Meet : Alexander, Joan, Ross, Leilandius, Hitomi, Ngoc and Arduvanius


    As interpreted (and drawn) by yours truly, Yiuel

    Yiuel LeMelvillois
    Only on blank paper do we write the best stories...

  11. - Top - End - #521
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    Default Re: Crack Pairings V - We Revel in Infamy

    Yes... sort of. If you'll pardon the link to TvTropes, this is what I'm going for.

    ...And that is how I met your father.

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    Default Re: Crack Pairings V - We Revel in Infamy

    Quote Originally Posted by CheeseMuncher View Post
    Yes... sort of. If you'll pardon the link to TvTropes, this is what I'm going for.
    Ah, so they're snowed in when this happens.
    Avatar by Zanaril

    ...I feel ignored.

  13. - Top - End - #523
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    WhiteWizardGirl

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    Default Re: Crack Pairings V - We Revel in Infamy

    Quote Originally Posted by Crilly View Post
    O-Chul/Someone?
    Okay, here's O-Chul/...Everyone.

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  14. - Top - End - #524
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    Default Re: Crack Pairings V - We Revel in Infamy

    Okay, someone roll me up something, with V in it. I need to become an official crack-er. And to do that, the ritual is writing something with V.

    It has to be.

    I've written Nale, Julio Scoundrel, Thog, and hobgoblins, and Inkyrius...now for V!
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    Avatar by KwarkPudding!

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    Default Re: Crack Pairings V - We Revel in Infamy

    Quote Originally Posted by BatRobin View Post
    Okay, someone roll me up something, with V in it. I need to become an official crack-er. And to do that, the ritual is writing something with V.

    It has to be.

    I've written Nale, Julio Scoundrel, Thog, and hobgoblins, and Inkyrius...now for V!
    Hmm... this has quite a bit of potential, but I don't think it's been done yet (if it has, sorry. More than one person can do a pairing though! )

    V x the IFCC

    Edit: It seems Coffee already did it. Want me to think of something better?
    Last edited by The Dark Fiddler; 2010-01-03 at 04:56 PM.
    It's been a bit, GitP. If you're reading this, you're either digging through old stuff, or I've posted for the first time in forever.

    If you want to stay in touch, reach out to me on twitter (same username).

    The best answer is always to ask your DM.
    Unless you're the DM, in which case you should talk to your players.

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    Default Re: Crack Pairings V - We Revel in Infamy

    Right off the bat, I rolled Vaarsuvius + Sarah Greenhilt with Aliens Made Them Do It. Then The entire Hobgoblin army + Vaarsuvius/Kidnapped. (Gender-switched The chimera) + Vaarsuvius. Any of those do it for you?

    ...And that is how I met your father.

  17. - Top - End - #527
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    Default Re: Crack Pairings V - We Revel in Infamy

    Quote Originally Posted by BatRobin View Post
    Okay, someone roll me up something, with V in it. I need to become an official crack-er. And to do that, the ritual is writing something with V.

    It has to be.

    I've written Nale, Julio Scoundrel, Thog, and hobgoblins, and Inkyrius...now for V!
    *heads to the code roller*

    (Gender-switched (Gender-switched Xykon)) + (Gender-switched Dorukan)

    Monster in the Dark + Roy's Archon

    The chimera + All of the Demon Roaches at once

    Tsukiko + Tsukiko

    YokYok + (Gender-switched Dorukan)

    Vaarsuvius + The oracle
    True love
    There we go!
    Last edited by Thor Person Guy; 2010-01-03 at 05:03 PM.
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  18. - Top - End - #528
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    Default Re: Crack Pairings V - We Revel in Infamy

    Sooo, uuum tis the first 2 panels of me Comic......
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    Last edited by Oooohaloophole; 2010-01-03 at 05:56 PM.

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    Default Re: Crack Pairings V - We Revel in Infamy

    Cute kids, Yiuel! Giving it some thought, I realized that the implied pairings aren't half as distressing as the fact that they all appear to be the same age, which means they were all conceived at about the same time...

    Quote Originally Posted by Cracklord View Post
    Sorry to distract, but while I struggle for inspiration, I would like to draw attention to a long neglected thing done on threads like this.
    Prompts.
    Basically, you get given fifty words, and have to write a sentence or two about your chosen pairing for each one.
    I've seen that done before, although fifty is a lot. If someone wants to try that with a random source of words, I know of a Randomized generator intended for exactly this purpose... (Of course I'm recommending you use the second bit, not the first... Unless you want to try an OOTS/LesMiz/Westmark/Phantom crossover... Hm...)

    Loved the Shojo/Belkar (I saw the twist coming once I was about halfway through, but that just made it even better!), Haley/V (Teehee, surprise!), and the latest chapter of Miko/Therkla (I found the entire thing extremely believable, well done!)! And both Sereg's fics made me laugh.

    Also thouroughly enjoyed Half-halfling's and Discord's pics (for different respective reasons, of course). MReav's pic made me literally lol.

    Can't wait for Coffee's friend to join our ranks!

    Also, can't wait to see where DarkStryke's story goes...

    *catches breath* Okay. I think I'm all caught up now.

    Anyway, here's the first chapter of that Hinjo x Tsukiko thing I was going on about:

    Spoiler
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    Tsukiko’s mouth tasted of copper and her hands were warm and sticky, and she felt like she was coming home from an all-night party at Azure City’s disturbingly large graveyard. Yes, that kind of party. She was so exhausted that her eyes kept drooping closed even as she walked, and she was a little sore from overexerting herself, but she was happy. Very happy as she approached that majestic lich through the debris-littered corridors of the city’s newly-captured fortress. Dreamily she called out to him, “Hey.” She set down a duffel bag of clothes and things she’d picked up from her house in the midst of making her way through the city, Creating Undead and Animating Dead wherever she walked. Mother and Mizuki hadn’t been home. Not that she cared.

    “What?” the lich grumbled, too preoccupied with checking rooms for hidden survivors to even stop and look at her.

    “I’ve used up all my spells for today,” said Tsukiko, picking her bag back up with a grunt and following Xykon down the hall. “I was wondering where you want me to sleep.” Had her voice sounded suggestive just then? So what if it had? Maybe he would change his mind about her.

    “Why in the name of the Lower Planes should I care?” the lich replied levelly, “Just pick a room, get rid of anyone else who’s occupying it, and get back to work in eight hours.”

    “O-okay,” said Tsukiko, disappointed that still the lich refused to even look at her. She wasn’t often the vision of aesthetically blood-spattered and battle-worn gothic beauty that she was at the moment; it was a pity that the effect should be wasted.

    “And send your new friends downstairs with the rest of the troops,” the lich added brusquely.

    “Huh?” The sad sound of aimless shuffling behind her made her turn around. “Oh! Bless your little hearts…” She beheld a small mob of Zombies sprinkled with Undead Skeletons making their way down the corridor to stand behind her and watch her expectantly. Every time she’d used Animate Dead today she’d told the new creature “Follow me”. She’d forgotten to tell them to stop. “I flew up ten floors to get here, babies,” Tsukiko said, gently tucking a lock of the long, wild hair of one of the zombies who stood at the front of the group behind his ear, “Did you take the stairs just to follow me?” This one had pleasantly soft hair with practically no gore in it at all. In response to her question, he merely gave her a blank stare. “Of course you did,” she said, patting his arm. “You,” she said, giving his arm a final squeeze before letting go, “Keep following me. The rest of you go downstairs and don’t fight anyone.” She turned to thank her new boss for pointing out her embarrassing mistake without chastising her for it, but he’d already disappeared down some other hallway, still looking for survivors.

    “Well,” said, Tskuko, holding her zombie’s soft, cold, and slightly damp hand and interlacing fingers, “Shall we?”

    It took the better part of an hour to find a room to her liking, and even then, her choice to stay there was motivated more by fatigue than preference.

    “Another Sapphire Guard Paladin’s suite,” she said with a sigh, examining the now familiar layout: bed on one side of the room, writing desk next to a little closet on the other side, just enough room in the middle to do a little solo training if one wanted, and a door on the left side of the room next to the bed leading to a tiny but complete bathroom. Everything was blue, but since Tsukiko had grown up in Azure City, she never really noticed that sort of detail unless it applied to some other color.

    What caught her attention about this room was that it was slightly different from the other suites of its kind she’d seen so far. What she noticed first was the mustiness tickling her nostrils: there was thin layer of dust on several surfaces where you wouldn’t expect to find one: the doorknobs, the wooden surfaces of the bed, and even, she found upon examining the bathroom, in the sink. Clearly this room had been abandoned for a while before the battle, but that fact itself was odd because of what else could be found in the space: Books and papers piled on the desk, a few lonely coats hanging in the closet, a towel discarded on the floor of the bathroom, it was if a while ago the paladin had to move out of his room in a hurry (Maybe he was kicked out of the Guard or something?) but then had been too busy to ever come back and get the rest of his stuff.

    In the back of her mind, Tsukiko wondered if the ruler of Azure City was supposed to sleep in a nicer suite somewhere else in the castle with thicker walls and perhaps some magical protection that she could be searching for right now, but the front of her mind quickly dismissed that idea on the premise that if such a room existed, the lich would want it to himself and reminded her that she was very, very tired. Not to mention, there was one more thing that made this room different from all the other rooms: There was no window. Every other Guard-member’s room she had seen so far had a window, usually on the far side of the room. The views of the city these windows provided were probably magnificent under normal circumstances, but now… This room was nice. This room would do.

    “Alrighty, then,” said Tsukiko as brightly as she could manage, leading her new zombie outside the door and closing it. “Don’t take this personally, but I doubt you have very nice penmanship, so, let me do this.” She held his unresisting hand in hers, caressing its pliable skin with her thumb before closing the hand into a fist and uncurling one of his fingers. “Keep your hand like this, and let me borrow this,” she told him, carefully removing a dagger from his belt. Within minutes, the zombie got his dagger back and the door to Tsukiko’s new room bore the message:

    TSUKIKO’S ROOM:
    KEEP OUT

    “Lovely!” said Tsukiko, clapping her hands merrily. “Finger painting can be so much fun. You just keep sucking on that until it stops bleeding, honey; we don’t want to stain the carpet. Run along downstairs, now.” She hoped she’d be able to find him later, when she wasn’t so tired; he was cute.

    After casting a Glyph of Warding on her door (Hey, better safe than sorry, and the sooner her new “friends” learned that “KEEP OUT” means “KEEP OUT”, the better.), Tsukiko nearly went straight to bed without examining her new home any further. She found herself drawn to the writing desk, though. The thing was so cluttered that only inches-wide patches of its actual surface were visible. Hadn’t there been anything on the desk that the missing paladin thought he’d need to take with him? She absent-mindedly opened and closed a few drawers, finding the degree of clutteredness was consistent throughout. Except for one.

    “How odd…” Tsukiko observed aloud when she came to the drawer that was completely empty save for a single book with no words on its cover. This book must be very important to the paladin to get its own space, but if it was, why did he leave it behind?

    Too curious to leave it alone now, Tsukiko picked up the book and opened it to the first page.

    “For the record,” that page read, “I would like it to be known that I am only keeping this so-called ‘therapy journal’ because Doctor Yamaha instructed me to do so.”

    Tsukiko burst out laughing and it took her several minutes to stop. “Aw man…” she said, sucking in her breaths in an attempt to calm down and wiping a stray tear from her eye, “If I’m laughing that hard at something this stupid I know I need some sleep.” She tossed the journal back in its drawer and crawled into bed, even her longing to know what exactly one would write in a therapy journal unable to stop her falling asleep within seconds.



    I'd planned on jumping to what Hinjo was doing meanwhile once I was done here, but this bit turned out longer than I thought it would, so I'll save him for later.
    That's what she said.
    Susan Sto Helit avatar by Felyndiira.

  20. - Top - End - #530
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    Default Re: Crack Pairings V - We Revel in Infamy

    Quote Originally Posted by Dark_Stryke View Post
    Hey everyone, I'm still alive (Though the amount I drank on new year's eve ALMOST did me in). I recall saying that I was going to start a fic where a kiss from V changed the recipient's gender. The idea is way too funny for me NOT to try. So, hold on to your hats and get ready, cause this is:

    It All Started With A Kiss Title needs work...

    Chapter 1:

    Spoiler
    Show
    Randel Silkspinner had seen a lot in his twenty years as a traveling merchant, but the sight that presented itself to him outside the city of Reddragonsville on this frosty autumn morning would, to utilize a rather over-spoken expression, 'take the cake'. Randel had been driving his wagon all night in order to make it inside the city by mid-day, and when he first saw the group of people on the side of the road he simply assumed he was hallucinating, because the situation was far too ridiculous to be real.

    His first reaction was, naturally, to blink sleepily and look away, before turning back under the assumption that the people would be gone, just like every other weird trick of the light his sleep-deprived brain had extrapolated into something odd. Surprisingly, the people didn't disappear.
    He gave his head a quick shake.

    Still there.

    He took a swig of water.

    Still there.

    He slapped himself across the cheeks.

    Still.

    There.

    At that moment, it finally occurred to Randel that maybe these people weren't just a figment of his imagination, and that somehow, a group of actual sentient beings had managed to find themselves in the predicament they were in. As the fact of the group's real-ness sunk in, Randel's jaw slowly dropped.

    There were six of them, by Randel's reckoning. Three humans (one female), one halfling, one dwarf, and one elf. The tall dark skinned human was arguing loudly with the dwarf, the woman, and the halfling, while the elf looked on in annoyance and the blond human played with a daisy off to the side. Shockingly - aside from the elf, who wore a rather travel stained red robe - all of them were completely naked. Furthermore, the two human men and the halfling seemed to be wearing a makeup, and not just a little of it. They had it smeared over their faces like pre-teen girls who had broken into their mother's cosmetics drawer. The dwarf's beard had a strap coming off of it that wrapped around its owner's head, and it took Randel a moment to process that the beard was actually a fake. A naked dwarf with a fake beard. Gods above, Randel wished he could make something like that up. On second thought, no he didn't.

    Finally, the dark skinned human was clutching what looked like the burnt remains of the head of a mop in one hand, and was punctuating his words by gesturing with the bit of crispy cloth. Randel shook his head, chuckling dryly. He considered himself a bit of a storyteller (though most people just called him a gossip), so he just had to find out how this situation had come about.

    "Ho there, adventurers!" He called warmly, which threw the group into a frenzy of panicked activity. Most of them tried to cover up their nudity. The dwarf turned away, the halfling covered himself with his hands, the woman hid behind the blond (who didn't seem to notice that he was naked), the elf rolled his (her?) eyes, and the dark skinned human simply turned to face Randel unashamedly.

    "Hi there." The apparent leader of the group said, his voice sounding both strained and wary.

    "Forgive me for my rudeness, but I can't help but notice you're in a bit of a situation there." Randel said, voice barely containing a chuckle.

    The dark skinned human glanced down rather pointedly. "Gee, you don't say." He grumbled. "Look buddy, I'm in kind of a bad mood, so if you're done gawking could you kindly shove off?"

    Randel threw up his hands in a calming gesture. "Hey there, take it easy. I'm the kind of guy who likes to help. It just so happens that I'm carrying a bunch of clothes to the market in Reddragonsville, and if you don't mind me saying, you folks seem to be sorely pressed for clothes." He watched in mild amusement as the faces of the entire group lit up. "One condition though." He added, raising an index finger.

    The dark skinned human frowned. "None of us are carrying any money, not even Vaarsuvius - that's our elven friend -"

    "I wouldn't describe our relationship as such!" The elf cut in.

    The dark skinned human winced. "Anyway, we're sort of strapped for cash, but if you need a favor some adventuring types could do, I'm sure we could work something out."

    "Oh, I don't need too much. I just want to hear the story of how you people ended up like this."

    Stunned silence greeted Randel. The group of naked adventurers looked uncomfortably at one another for several moment while the elf just glared frostily at Randel himself.

    "Guys?" The dark skinned human ventured.

    "If tha' be the price, I'm payin' it." The dwarf declared. "I'd give me last drop o' whiskey for a pair o' skivvies right aboot now."

    "We could just kill him and take his clothes. In fact, why haven't we done that yet?" The halfling hissed acidly.

    "Belkar, no." The leader rumbled. "No violence."

    "Well then we have to tell the story, don't we?!"

    "I don't want to relive this nightmare, but I can't just hide behind Elan forever." The woman said. She hugged the man, causing him to squeal girlishly.

    "Eep! Haley, your hands are cold!"

    The other human muttered something under his breath, shaking his head at the blond and the woman. "Well, Elan is always up for a story, so it looks like you win. Toss us some pants and let's begin this."

    Randel chuckled. "Mm, not yet, I'm thinking." He proceeded to fling a blanket at the group. "This is a sign of good faith. Now you all hop up on the wagon and tell me the story as we head in to town, and I'll get out some clothes for you as we go along."

    The halfling literally began to sputter in rage, and the rest of the group (aside from the blond, who was now picking apart his third daisy) glared darkly at the merchant, but they seemed to know as well as he that he had the upper hand.

    "Wait, can we even go back to town?" The woman asked. "Won't they still be looking for us?"

    "Well, yes, but not us us." The leader replied. "I think Belkar and I were girls when things went south, and you were a guy, and Durkon and Elan were... uhm..."

    "I was definitely a dude at that point! I plan to stab the elf once for each time he kissed me, so I know!" The halfling asserted.

    "Bah, you cannot count that high, cretin." The elf retorted. Then she (Randel was pretty sure it was a she) began to blush furiously. "I... that is not to say that we kissed many times, I merely meant to imply that the halfling is lacking in mathematical skills."

    "I can count a lot higher than you might think, ears." The halfling said with a fiendish grin. "Wanna know how many times you're getting stabbed?"

    The elf buried her head in her hands. "Out of morbid curiosity, are you including the times you specifically asked me to do it?"

    "Look, look, look." The leader hissed, trying to call the group to order. "The point is, I'm pretty sure we don't match the descriptions of the people that the guards will be looking for, so we should be able to get into town alright."

    After a bit more deliberation and whining, the group of six boarded the wagon, huddling together uncomfortably under the blanket.

    "Okay, so, I know you're not going to believe this." The leader began. "Heck, I was there and I'm not sure if I believe it, but, it all started with a kiss..."


    Okay, I think this will be immensely fun to write. Even I'm not sure how the order managed to get into a situation like that, but it should be fun trying to find out!

    Let me know what you all think.
    Holy awesome. I'm eagerly looking forward to the answer here.

  21. - Top - End - #531
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    Default Re: Crack Pairings V - We Revel in Infamy

    Awesome work, everyone.

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    Default Re: Crack Pairings V - We Revel in Infamy

    Quote Originally Posted by CoffeeIncluded View Post
    Awesome work, everyone.
    Assuming I'm one among "everyone", thank you!
    That's what she said.
    Susan Sto Helit avatar by Felyndiira.

  23. - Top - End - #533
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    Default Re: Crack Pairings V - We Revel in Infamy

    Of course, the latest stories have been brilliant, as usual.

    Well, I got distracted from BOTH of my other stories. But at least I'm getting stuff written, even if it's not the stuff I want to be writing. So, y'know, progress.

    Anywho, KazumixThe IFCC with pregnancy.
    Spoiler
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    Kazumi’s robe fell down around her ankles as the door closed behind her. The moonlight spilling in through the open window illuminated her pale, swollen belly. “You there?”

    Her voice was soft, small in the stillness. Across the room, the darkness shifted, and three sets of glowing eyes opened. “Yes, of course, pet.”

    “Mmmm… You look radiant as always, darling.

    “But then, how could you not?”

    Kazumi laughed. “You’re too kind. I feel fat and ugly.” She pouted.

    “It’s only temporary, darling.”

    “And besides, Pet, when you bring our Spawn into the world, our plans will be able to come into completion.”

    “And your reward will be great, love. You’ll rule by our sides!”

    She smiled again. “Yes, I know.” She frowned. “But it’s hard, pretending to like that insipid little soldier. You know, I think he suspects something…”

    “Let’s not worry ourselves with petty human men tonight. We have a date with an elf to keep.”

    Seeing the look on Kazumi’s face, one of the fiends was quick to add, “Business only, love. We only have eyes for you.”

    “I know,” Kazumi said, smiling insolently. Without further discussion, she stepped into the shadows.

    ---

    “Kazumi, are you in here? I found your- HOLY CRAP!” Daigo covered his eyes, and backed into the hall.

    “Daigo! I wasn’t expecting you!” Kazumi said, hurriedly pulling her discarded robe shut.

    “…What are you doing?”

    “Ah… That’s not important. We should pick a paint color for the baby’s room! Yes!” She linked arms with him, steering him away from the room. In the darkness, the three fiends let out a collective held breath.

    “That was close. Too close.”

    “Eh. He’ll have forgotten about it by tomorrow.”

    For a moment, they stood in silent contemplation. “Well, onward to business, then.” The other two nodded, and then the three were gone, leaving no trace of their ever having been there.

    ...And that is how I met your father.

  24. - Top - End - #534
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    Default Re: Crack Pairings V - We Revel in Infamy

    Quote Originally Posted by CheeseMuncher View Post
    Of course, the latest stories have been brilliant, as usual.

    Well, I got distracted from BOTH of my other stories. But at least I'm getting stuff written, even if it's not the stuff I want to be writing. So, y'know, progress.

    Anywho, KazumixThe IFCC with pregnancy.
    Spoiler
    Show
    Kazumi’s robe fell down around her ankles as the door closed behind her. The moonlight spilling in through the open window illuminated her pale, swollen belly. “You there?”

    Her voice was soft, small in the stillness. Across the room, the darkness shifted, and three sets of glowing eyes opened. “Yes, of course, pet.”

    “Mmmm… You look radiant as always, darling.

    “But then, how could you not?”

    Kazumi laughed. “You’re too kind. I feel fat and ugly.” She pouted.

    “It’s only temporary, darling.”

    “And besides, Pet, when you bring our Spawn into the world, our plans will be able to come into completion.”

    “And your reward will be great, love. You’ll rule by our sides!”

    She smiled again. “Yes, I know.” She frowned. “But it’s hard, pretending to like that insipid little soldier. You know, I think he suspects something…”

    “Let’s not worry ourselves with petty human men tonight. We have a date with an elf to keep.”

    Seeing the look on Kazumi’s face, one of the fiends was quick to add, “Business only, love. We only have eyes for you.”

    “I know,” Kazumi said, smiling insolently. Without further discussion, she stepped into the shadows.

    ---

    “Kazumi, are you in here? I found your- HOLY CRAP!” Daigo covered his eyes, and backed into the hall.

    “Daigo! I wasn’t expecting you!” Kazumi said, hurriedly pulling her discarded robe shut.

    “…What are you doing?”

    “Ah… That’s not important. We should pick a paint color for the baby’s room! Yes!” She linked arms with him, steering him away from the room. In the darkness, the three fiends let out a collective held breath.

    “That was close. Too close.”

    “Eh. He’ll have forgotten about it by tomorrow.”

    For a moment, they stood in silent contemplation. “Well, onward to business, then.” The other two nodded, and then the three were gone, leaving no trace of their ever having been there.
    Teeheehee, love it! Maybe carrying infernal spawn has a little something to do with being a "baby making, life taking MACHINE! "

    Oh, and like I said to Coffee, thank you very much if my work's among the "brilliant" stories you refer to.
    Last edited by ShinyDelusion; 2010-01-03 at 07:24 PM.
    That's what she said.
    Susan Sto Helit avatar by Felyndiira.

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    Default Re: Crack Pairings V - We Revel in Infamy

    Quote Originally Posted by ShinyDelusion View Post
    Teeheehee, love it! Maybe carrying infernal spawn has a little something to do with being a "baby making, life taking MACHINE! "

    Oh, and like I said to Coffee, thank you very much if my work's among the "brilliant" stories you refer to.
    It is. And you're welcome!

  26. - Top - End - #536
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    Default Re: Crack Pairings V - We Revel in Infamy

    Quote Originally Posted by CoffeeIncluded View Post
    It is. And you're welcome!
    Took the words right out of my mouth.

    ...And that is how I met your father.

  27. - Top - End - #537
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    Default Re: Crack Pairings V - We Revel in Infamy

    Then thanks again to both of you! Anything specific about it that you liked?
    That's what she said.
    Susan Sto Helit avatar by Felyndiira.

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    Default Re: Crack Pairings V - We Revel in Infamy

    Quote Originally Posted by ShinyDelusion View Post
    Then thanks again to both of you! Anything specific about it that you liked?
    It had those small little details that I liked.

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    Default Re: Crack Pairings V - We Revel in Infamy

    Quote Originally Posted by ShinyDelusion View Post
    Then thanks again to both of you! Anything specific about it that you liked?
    I think it's just a sweet concept. I'm a sucker for diaries/love letters as a plot device, and falling in love via a diary just seems really adorable to me.

    ...And that is how I met your father.

  30. - Top - End - #540
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    Default Re: Crack Pairings V - We Revel in Infamy

    Quote Originally Posted by CoffeeIncluded View Post
    It had those small little details that I liked.
    Cool! Such as...?

    Quote Originally Posted by CheeseMuncher View Post
    I think it's just a sweet concept. I'm a sucker for diaries/love letters as a plot device, and falling in love via a diary just seems really adorable to me.
    Thanks; I'm glad I'm not the only one who thinks it's a cute idea.
    That's what she said.
    Susan Sto Helit avatar by Felyndiira.

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