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  1. - Top - End - #631
    Pixie in the Playground
     
    PaladinGuy

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    Jul 2009

    Default Re: Crack Pairings Matchup Table

    Ok, so I've rerolled and I got :

    Shadowdancer X Haley (Someone is a Vampire)

    So my story should be here sooner or later.

  2. - Top - End - #632
    Orc in the Playground
     
    littlequietguy's Avatar

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    Default Re: Crack Pairings Matchup Table

    Quote Originally Posted by The Dark Fiddler View Post
    GET OUT OF MY HEAD MY IMMORTAL.
    Hmm yes, quite so, quite so.
    For some reason I am choosing to read this book. Mainly because I can't go a day without someone mentioning it.
    Thanks Dogmantra for the two-face dressed up as him.
    http://dragcave.ath.cx/user/49682
    Click the dragons please!

    Thanks to Nevitan for the Two Scale Dragon Avatar!
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    Thank you Nevitan

    __________________________________________________ ____
    Last edited by (Big Brother):Today at Zero Hour.

  3. - Top - End - #633
    Pixie in the Playground
     
    BarbarianGuy

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    Feb 2008

    Default Re: Crack Pairings Matchup Table

    Ok, gonna try my hand at this...
    RedcloakXHaleyXZzz'dtriXCrystalXHieronymus Grubwiggler



    I'm gonna do it... I have no clue how, but I will.

  4. - Top - End - #634
    Titan in the Playground
     
    Silverraptor's Avatar

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    Default Re: Crack Pairings Matchup Table

    This seems to still go strong then.
    My own webcomic. Idiosyncrasy.
    Paladin Academy: Chapter 2 Part 28

    *Avatar by Me*

  5. - Top - End - #635
    Pixie in the Playground
     
    PaladinGuy

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    Default Re: Crack Pairings Matchup Table

    Here's my Haley X Vampire Shadowdancer Story; Shadowtango, the strange story of Haley and the Vampire.

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    The shadowdancer was alone in the dark streets of the city searching for a prey to feed the beast inside of him. After a long search, it was almost the time for him to return to his secret lair where his dark bedroom waited him to sleep without anybody in the sunny days, when he saw her, a beautiful girl with her long red hair lying on her shoulders in the arms of a tall man with blond hair, so he use his powers over shadow to teleport behind the man, he took him and disappeared again, teleported in his lair he then sucked the guy dry, he then reappeared at his first spot and runned after the girl yelling :
    Shadowdancer: Miss, do you need help?
    Haley: Did you see the monster that took the man that was beside me?
    Shadowdancer: No, he was just too fast, but I’ll protect you, miss.
    Haley: No, Elan can’t be gone… No! (She started crying)
    Shadowdancer: I’ll kill the monster that did this if I encounter him, I swear.
    Haley: Not Elan!
    Shadowdancer: Miss, we need to protect you first, we’ll go to the nearest inn.
    Haley: Thank you, but that won’t bring back Elan!
    Shadowdancer: I swear, I’ll bring him back him back if I can, I swear!
    Haley: Thank you.
    Shadowdancer: I must be the vampire of this town, I know where his lair his, go to the inn, I’ll join you after.
    Haley: I wanna come!
    Shadowdancer: It’s really dangerous.
    Haley: I’m an adventurer I’ll be fine, you and what do you do for a living?
    Shadowdancer: Eh… I’m a dancer; I’ll show you my skill at tango after.
    Together, they went to the secret lair of the Shadowdancer where they’re was the corpse of Elan on the ground. Haley starts crying stronger when she saw it.
    Shadowdancer: I love you I can’t start a relationship by lying!
    Haley: What are you talking about?
    Shadowdancer: I’m a vampire and I killed your boyfriend to have the chance to live with you!
    Haley: I knew it all, since the beginning.
    Shadowdancer: What?
    Haley: I only wanted to go to a dark and secret place with you; you’re really sexy you know.
    Shadowdancer: What?
    Haley: Transform me, please; I wanna be with you forever!
    Shadowdancer: Ok, that’s strange, but ok.
    He then proceeded to transform Haley into a vampire and they undeath happily ever after and didn’t have a lot of children, because vampire are sterile.

  6. - Top - End - #636
    Pixie in the Playground
     
    BarbarianGuy

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    Feb 2008

    Default Re: Crack Pairings Matchup Table

    Here goes for the RedcloakXHaleyXZzz'dtriXCrystalXHieronymus Grubwiggler

    Spoiler
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    Hieronymous Grubwiggler sat impatiently at his desk, frog-spotted hands fidgeting with all assortment of scrolls and pens. "They should be here already, dammit! Whats taking so long? Azure city isn't -that- far away!" He stands up slowly, walking over to the cutting room slabs. He runs his grubby hands over the two bodies lying there. His green fingers sliding first over the ebon skin of the elf, then caressing the pale, creamy skin and short dark hair of the human female. "Hmmm, both fine specimens to begin rebuilding my guards. And so kind of Bozzok to provide the body of this bitch to attempt to make up for his role in all of that. Now.... if that blasted goblin wasn't lying, the sweetest part of tonight should be arriving shortly."

    He turns to the doors at the sound of a loud knock, an evil grin creeping across his face as he whispers. "Perfect." He stands by the cutting slabs as Giro shuffles over to throw open the doors, leading in the red-cloaked goblin and his bound prisoner. Grubby's face keeps its evil grin as he walks over to the pair, picking up a ceremonial dagger along the way. "You actually caught her... marvelous."

    Redcloak nods nervously, a bit put-off by the strange man. "Yes, caught her sneaking into the keep with some members of the Resistance."

    Grubby grins again, using the point of the dagger under her chin to lift the gagged females face. "Well then, I suppose its fortunate I still keep in touch with my old friend Xykon. Imagine my luck, that the same woman I'm looking for would happen to break into his stronghold. Your money is on the desk" He leans closer as the goblin moves to retrieve the payment, giving the woman an evil look. "You should never have stolen from me 4 times and expected to get away with it!" He sends the dagger plunging into her throat, enjoying the sounds of her gagged screams and the look of terror in her eyes.

    Grubby stands there triumphantly, robe soaked in blood. He runs a finger through the short red hair on the woman's head, still grinning his evil smile. "Yes... revenge and new guards, all in one night.... perfect." He looks over the bodies, frowning slightly. "But hmmm.... too many bodies for one golem, not enough for two...." He turns his head to look at the goblin, fixing him with that evil glare and grin. "I believe I may have one last favor for you, Redcloak." He advances on the goblin with the dagger even as ethereal chains spring up and encircle the poor, doomed Redcloak.

    <Intermission, and then a few hours later....>

    Grubby stands triumphantly next to his two new creations. The female looking flesh golem made from the remains of Haley and Crystal, and the male-ish flesh golem made from the corpses of Zz'dtri and Redcloak. He laughs manically as the creatures rise from the cold stone slabs, looking them over with a gleam in his eye. "Yes yes! Finally! And now... to test you out..." He catches sight of his assistant, Giro, slinking away into the back room.

    "No no, Giro." He speaks low, but with the power of command. As he speaks he slips out of the robes, revealing his naked toad-skinned body. "You know the rules.... you have to stay and watch."

    Poor Giro cowers and whimpers in the corner as his master begins 'testing'.


    I feel ****ing filthy.
    Last edited by Dak Frostwrath; 2009-08-16 at 12:11 AM.

  7. - Top - End - #637
    Pixie in the Playground
     
    Expeditious's Avatar

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    Default Re: Crack Pairings Matchup Table

    Quote Originally Posted by Dak Frostwrath View Post
    Here goes for the RedcloakXHaleyXZzz'dtriXCrystalXHieronymus Grubwiggler

    Spoiler
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    Hieronymous Grubwiggler sat impatiently at his desk, frog-spotted hands fidgeting with all assortment of scrolls and pens. "They should be here already, dammit! Whats taking so long? Azure city isn't -that- far away!" He stands up slowly, walking over to the cutting room slabs. He runs his grubby hands over the two bodies lying there. His green fingers sliding first over the ebon skin of the elf, then caressing the pale, creamy skin and short dark hair of the human female. "Hmmm, both fine specimens to begin rebuilding my guards. And so kind of Bozzok to provide the body of this bitch to attempt to make up for his role in all of that. Now.... if that blasted goblin wasn't lying, the sweetest part of tonight should be arriving shortly."

    He turns to the doors at the sound of a loud knock, an evil grin creeping across his face as he whispers. "Perfect." He stands by the cutting slabs as Giro shuffles over to throw open the doors, leading in the red-cloaked goblin and his bound prisoner. Grubby's face keeps its evil grin as he walks over to the pair, picking up a ceremonial dagger along the way. "You actually caught her... marvelous."

    Redcloak nods nervously, a bit put-off by the strange man. "Yes, caught her sneaking into the keep with some members of the Resistance."

    Grubby grins again, using the point of the dagger under her chin to lift the gagged females face. "Well then, I suppose its fortunate I still keep in touch with my old friend Xykon. Imagine my luck, that the same woman I'm looking for would happen to break into his stronghold. Your money is on the desk" He leans closer as the goblin moves to retrieve the payment, giving the woman an evil look. "You should never have stolen from me 4 times and expected to get away with it!" He sends the dagger plunging into her throat, enjoying the sounds of her gagged screams and the look of terror in her eyes.

    Grubby stands there triumphantly, robe soaked in blood. He runs a finger through the short red hair on the woman's head, still grinning his evil smile. "Yes... revenge and new guards, all in one night.... perfect." He looks over the bodies, frowning slightly. "But hmmm.... too many bodies for one golem, not enough for two...." He turns his head to look at the goblin, fixing him with that evil glare and grin. "I believe I may have one last favor for you, Redcloak." He advances on the goblin with the dagger even as ethereal chains spring up and encircle the poor, doomed Redcloak.

    <Intermission, and then a few hours later....>

    Grubby stands triumphantly next to his two new creations. The female looking flesh golem made from the remains of Haley and Crystal, and the male-ish flesh golem made from the corpses of Zz'dtri and Redcloak. He laughs manically as the creatures rise from the cold stone slabs, looking them over with a gleam in his eye. "Yes yes! Finally! And now... to test you out..." He catches sight of his assistant, Giro, slinking away into the back room.

    "No no, Giro." He speaks low, but with the power of command. As he speaks he slips out of the robes, revealing his naked toad-skinned body. "You know the rules.... you have to stay and watch."

    Poor Giro cowers and whimpers in the corner as his master begins 'testing'.


    I feel ****ing filthy.

    I feel less intelligent just by reading it. Which means your dirty short story was a success in that respect.


    And then it's rolling time once again:

    The entire Hobgoblin army x Zz'Dtri - Love/hate relationship


    *Snicker* Well, I'm sure our dear drow could easily handle entire army.

    Belkar x Roy - Pregnancy (use male pregnancy if needed)


    ...

    Ancient black dragon x Durokan - American high school setting

    Complete with school uniforms, hmm? I like it, I like it.


    Now, which one of the three to choose... Suggestions?
    Last edited by Expeditious; 2009-08-16 at 04:57 AM.

  8. - Top - End - #638
    Ogre in the Playground
     
    Zanaril's Avatar

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    Default Re: Crack Pairings Matchup Table

    Quote Originally Posted by Expeditious View Post

    The entire Hobgoblin army x Zzz'Dtri - Love/hate relationship
    That one, if only because the third on is kind of meh, and the second one... just no.


    Edit: You've got too many Zs there.
    Last edited by Zanaril; 2009-08-16 at 04:42 AM.
    This post may contain sarcasm.
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  9. - Top - End - #639
    Firbolg in the Playground
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    where the wind blows

    Default Re: Crack Pairings Matchup Table

    Why Vaarsuvius is in all of the banner ?
    You got Magic Mech in My Police Procedural!
    In this forum, Gaming is Serious Business, and Anyone Can Die. Not even your status as the Ensemble Darkhorse can guarantee your survival.

    Disciple of GITP Trope-Fu Temple And Captain of GITP Valkyrie Squadron.
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    The OTP in the playground.
    Awesome Elizabeth Shelley by Hollamer
    My Gallery/My Star Wolves 3 LP

  10. - Top - End - #640
    Ogre in the Playground
     
    Dark Faun's Avatar

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    Default Re: Crack Pairings Matchup Table

    Because we've turned V into the fandom bicycle. Same for Zz'dtri.

    Quote Originally Posted by Expeditious View Post
    Belkar x Roy - Pregnancy (use male pregnancy if needed)
    Already happened in the House of Horrors.
    Last edited by Dark Faun; 2009-08-16 at 04:53 AM.
    Formerly known as Discord here and Maladin on avatarspirit.net.

  11. - Top - End - #641
    Ogre in the Playground
     
    Zanaril's Avatar

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    Default Re: Crack Pairings Matchup Table

    Quote Originally Posted by Fri View Post
    Why Vaarsuvius is in all of the banner ?
    Not all of them, just most of them.

    And it's because V's the most fun to write about, at least in my opinion, and I started the banner making.



    Expeditious' banner, on the other hand.... Yea, I have no idea what's going on there, it has nothing to do with me.

    Quote Originally Posted by Discord View Post
    Already happened in the House of Horrors.
    Everything has happened in the House of Horrors.
    Last edited by Zanaril; 2009-08-16 at 05:01 AM.
    This post may contain sarcasm.
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  12. - Top - End - #642
    Pixie in the Playground
     
    Expeditious's Avatar

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    Default Re: Crack Pairings Matchup Table

    Quote Originally Posted by Zanaril View Post
    Expeditious' banner, on the other hand.... Yea, I have no idea what's going on there, it has nothing to do with me.
    What, don't tell me you've never envisioned the fandom's little black dress Vaarsuvius in a French maid costume?

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    By the way, if you don't approve of me using your banner text, just say the word and I remove the banner. I meant it as an homage, but still, I understand if you see it as shameless plagiarism, which it is.
    Last edited by Expeditious; 2009-08-16 at 05:16 AM.

  13. - Top - End - #643
    Ogre in the Playground
     
    Zanaril's Avatar

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    Default Re: Crack Pairings Matchup Table

    Quote Originally Posted by Expeditious View Post
    What, don't tell me you've never envisioned the fandom's little black dress Vaarsuvius in a French maid costume?
    Not really, I've never really understood the whole fuss about French maid costumes. They just look ridiculous to me.

    By the way, if you don't approve of me using your banner text, just say the word and I remove the banner. I meant it as an homage, but still, I understand if you see it as shameless plagiarism, which it is.
    Don't worry, I heartily encourage people to spawn their own monstrosities in banner form!
    This post may contain sarcasm.
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  14. - Top - End - #644
    Barbarian in the Playground
     
    Taekwondodo's Avatar

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    Default Re: Crack Pairings Matchup Table

    Have you noticed that whenever we write about Zz'dtri he just want s to be loved? Do you think it is just a reflection of us as people or partly because Zz'dtri is not well know as we haven't seen him much?
    Avatar by me...yup that's how good my drawing is. As in not very good.

    Crack-Pairings, Not Dead Just Moved. Someone Hasn't Been Looking In The Right Places.


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    Quote Originally Posted by Caleniel View Post
    Taekwondodo - your nick and your avatar are terrific. I want to award you something... how about enough melons to see you through the next ice age?

  15. - Top - End - #645
    Ogre in the Playground
     
    Zanaril's Avatar

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    Default Re: Crack Pairings Matchup Table

    Quote Originally Posted by Taekwondodo View Post
    Have you noticed that whenever we write about Zz'dtri he just want s to be loved? Do you think it is just a reflection of us as people or partly because Zz'dtri is not well know as we haven't seen him much?
    It's because it makes it easier to write an otherwise completely flat character into pairings. And mine was (somewhat) justified because he had been stuck in a jail cell by himself since *goes and checks* comic #65.
    Last edited by Zanaril; 2009-08-16 at 06:02 AM.
    This post may contain sarcasm.
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  16. - Top - End - #646

    Default Re: Crack Pairings Matchup Table

    Quote Originally Posted by Zanaril View Post
    It's because it makes it easier to write an otherwise completely flat character into pairings. And mine was (somewhat) justified because he had been stuck in a jail cell by himself since *goes and checks* comic #65.
    What does the scouter say about the number of comics Zz'dtri has been in jail for?

    IT'S OVER 600!!!

    Haha, I'm funny.
    It's been a bit, GitP. If you're reading this, you're either digging through old stuff, or I've posted for the first time in forever.

    If you want to stay in touch, reach out to me on twitter (same username).

    The best answer is always to ask your DM.
    Unless you're the DM, in which case you should talk to your players.

  17. - Top - End - #647
    Orc in the Playground
     
    Lorolar's Avatar

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    Default Re: Crack Pairings Matchup Table

    RoyxAllthedemonroachesatonce

    Mah brain can nae handle it captain. Give me a couple hours
    And thank you Darwin for the awesome Sterlingtar.

  18. - Top - End - #648

    Default Re: Crack Pairings Matchup Table

    Quote Originally Posted by Lorolar View Post
    RoyxAllthedemonroachesatonce

    Mah brain can nae handle it captain. Give me a couple hours
    Is that Scotty time?
    It's been a bit, GitP. If you're reading this, you're either digging through old stuff, or I've posted for the first time in forever.

    If you want to stay in touch, reach out to me on twitter (same username).

    The best answer is always to ask your DM.
    Unless you're the DM, in which case you should talk to your players.

  19. - Top - End - #649
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    GreatWyrmGold's Avatar

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    Default Re: Crack Pairings Matchup Table

    Rolling on the original table:
    XykonxRedcloak
    (pause)
    Have you seen that comic thingy made by someone, wherein X changes the gender of the OotS, LG, and Te? (the Order of the Stick, Linear Guild, and Team Evil)
    Apparently, X needs to be more responsible at work.

    Genderflipped Vx(my d20 broke)
    V will be lonely...and the wrong gender.
    Quote Originally Posted by The Blade Wolf View Post
    Ah, thank you very much GreatWyrmGold, you obviously live up to that name with your intelligence and wisdom with that post.
    Quotes, more

    Winner of Villainous Competitions 8 and 40; silver for 32
    Fanfic

    Pixel avatar by me! Other avatar by Recaiden.

  20. - Top - End - #650
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    Zanaril's Avatar

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    Default Re: Crack Pairings Matchup Table

    Quote Originally Posted by GreatWyrmGold View Post
    Genderflipped Vx(my d20 broke)
    V will be lonely...and the wrong gender.
    Obviously that last one was going to be Genderflipped V x Genderflipped V.

    And you still wouldn't know whether or not they were the same gender.



    Maybe if you get genderflipped V, you should toss a coin to determine which V should be.
    Last edited by Zanaril; 2009-08-16 at 09:05 AM.
    This post may contain sarcasm.
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  21. - Top - End - #651
    Pixie in the Playground
     
    DruidGirl

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    Default Re: Crack Pairings Matchup Table

    I got Leeky WindstaffxZzz'Dtrtixthe entire hobgoblin army. And it's a love/hate relationship. Fun!
    Where do you get those siginatures, by the way??
    Last edited by Flyingfox; 2009-08-16 at 12:14 PM.

  22. - Top - End - #652
    Ogre in the Playground
     
    Zanaril's Avatar

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    And Chapter Two is finished!
    Here's the whole thing, spellchecked.
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    The six members of the Order of the Stick had been making their way through the same forest for several days, following a rough track that wound its way through the otherwise impenetrable trees. It was almost mid-day, and at its highest point the sun managed to seep through the upper canopy, casting dappled shadows across the ground, with small specks of light that danced in the dim light. Ahead of them, the dirt track widened and turned into cobbles and buildings lined the road, and here and there people were hurrying along at whatever tasks they were on. After the long stretch of wild terrain, civilization was a welcome sight.

    "About time!" Roy exclaimed, coming to a halt and wiping sweat off his brow. "Do you reckon there's a tavern here?

    "I 'ope so." Durkon said, clanking forward to stand next to Roy "I need som'thin' ta calm my nerves afta' all them trees."

    "There's bound to be an inn here, at least. I'm just looking forward to sleeping in a bed tonight!" Haley said, striding forward. The rest of them followed suit.


    A short while later and a squabble over rooms found the Order booked into an inn - with a tavern, much to Durkon's relief. Roy and the dwarf promptly dropped off any unneeded items then went to sample the local ale. Belkar followed close behind. Having spotted an archery shop on their way to the inn, Haley dragged Elan off to see if there was anything interesting. Vaarsuvius hung around for a bit to unpack, then after sorting through spell component to discern which ones needed restocking, set off in search of a magic shop.

    The shop specializing in the arcane was small but well stocked, located away from the main road. After purchasing the needed spell components, Vaarsuvius browsed through the available scrolls, paying no attention as the door opened and another customer came in.

    However when a familiar voice reached the elf's pointed ears, Vaarsuvius spun around in shock.

    "Zz'dtri?"

    The drow jumped, then a delighted smile replaced his initial look of surprise and he rushed over to embrace Vaarsuvius in a tight hug. Vaarsuvius returned the hug, also smiling widely.

    "I wasn't expecting to see you again so soon!"

    "Me neither. Do you want to..?"

    "I have a room at the local inn, if you're willing."

    Zz'dtri smiled again and nodded, so Vaarsuvius picked up the bag of newly purchased spell components in one hand, clasped the drow's hand in the other, and led him out of the shop and back into the village.

    ***

    Vaarsuvius followed Zz'dtri into the room, shutting the door behind them before putting the bag down next to the wall.

    "Missed you" Zz'dtri murmured as the other elf sat down beside him on the bed, before locking lips passionately. Still kissing, Vaarsuvius lay back, pulling Zz'dtri down on top, before moving to kiss his neck.

    "I missed your company too" Vaarsuvius said between kisses. "Where did you go after I left?"

    "Just... traveled around" He replied, arching slightly as a hand brushed against him through his robe. V's other hand had already untied the cord around his waist, and was tugging the green robe off.

    "Looked around for an adventuring party at first. Were none that wanted a wizard. Decided to see the world instead."

    "I'm glad you did." V gasped, writhing as dark skinned hands groped under red robes before pulling them off completely.

    "Hmm." Zz'dtri hummed in agreement.

    ***

    "Found anything good?" Roy asked as Haley and Elan walked into the inn's tavern with a large bag. Haley put the bag down on the bar counter and fished around before pulling out a handful of arrows.

    "Half price sale on enchanted arrows, would you believe it? I can now burn people and freeze them at once, in addition to sticking arrows in them."

    "Great. Well now you're back, we need to discuss where we're going next. Any idea where V is?"

    "Out buying spell components, I think. Should be back by now, I'll check the rooms." Haley said, retreating out of the room towards the stairs.

    She pausing outside the door before calling out "V? Are you there?" When there was no answer, she opened the door and poked her head in.

    "We're planning wh- oh my god!" She stared in shock for a moment at the entwined figures, before hurriedly slamming the door shut again and leaning against the wall.

    "Drat." V muttered scrambling up and pulling on the robes that had been lying on the floor before running out into the corridor, blushing furiously. Zz'dtri sighed, then got up and began pulling on his robes at a more leisurely pace.


    "Miss. Starshine?"

    "What the hell do you think you're doing, V?!" Haley all but shouted, rounding on the abashed elf. V tried to regain some composure.

    "I think that as obviou-"

    "You're married."

    "A fact I am well aware of."

    "You can't... you can't just go around sleeping with anyone!"

    "I assure you, its not at all like-"

    "You haven't been doing this all the time I've known you, have you? What about in Azure City, when you were supposedly busy all the time "scribing spells" - were you actually out picking up partners?"

    While Haley was ranting, Zz'dtri quietly opened the door and edged out into the corridor, unnoticed.

    "Miss. Starshine, this isn't what it looks like!"

    "Well it certainly looked like he had his-"

    "Haley! Please just listen to me! This is more than that, we've had a relationship of sorts for some time. You're over-reacting."

    "Well sorry if I'm just a bit shocked after walking in on my best friend in bed with a complete stranger... wait." She caught sight of Zz'dtri and her eyes widened.

    "...He's that drow that's working for Nale!"

    "Was working for Nale, he's not anymore."

    "Sorry V, I just... can't deal with this right now" Haley said, shaking her head and backing away towards the stairs. Vaarsuvius stared after her.

    Zz'dtri hung his head and hugged his cloak around himself, then retreated back into the room.

    "Zz'dtri?" Vaarsuvius went back into the room, to see the drow gathering up his possessions, head bent low.

    "Sorry. I'll go now." The drow said softly, not looking up.

    "What in the world are you apologizing for? If there's any blame to be laid, it lies with me for not anticipating their reactions."

    "I cause problems." Zz'dtri said, looking up sadly before rising to his feet. Vaarsuvius stepped forward and placed a gentle hand on either shoulder, looking into the other's eyes earnestly .

    "Listen to me Zz'dtri, you are not a problem and I certainly don't want you to leave." Vaarsuvius sighed. "I... I need to go and meet my party members, okay?"

    Zz'dtri nodded wordlessly, and Vaarsuvius paused for one long moment before turning away, picking up the red cloak that was in a heap on the floor before hurrying away out of the room and down the corridor.

    ***

    Vaarsuvius walked into the bar where the rest of the Order were waiting, adjusting the clasp of the hurriedly donned cloak. Durkon was sat next to Roy and Belkar had his furry feet propped up on the table, idly flicking a dagger back and forth between his fingers. Haley was already seated across the table next to Elan, pointedly looking away from the elf.

    Roy glanced between them and raised an eyebrow. "Everything okay?"

    "Yes."

    "It is."

    "Well then." He cleared his throat, pulling towards him one of the maps scattered across the table. "We're currently here" He pointed to a unremarkable place in a large area of green. "And the next nearest village is a good ten days walk away because the path winds around these mountains here" He pointed to the map again.

    "However, Haley's been asking around and there's apparently a small pass across the mountains that, as luck has it, is accessible at this time of year. If we take it we can cut our journey down to five days or less - weather permitting - and instead of going to Crag's End, we can go to Ivyleaf, which will take us on a much more direct route south."

    Vaarsuvius began to fidget.

    "Once we get there we can restock and purchase horses - the road is a lot more major after that, so it will be easier going. Assuming we make good time, we can expect to make it to the dessert in a little over a fortnight. Any questions?"

    "Maybe V can give us some advice. This is the Elven Homeland after all." Haley said, still avoiding meeting the elf's eyes.

    "Advice? Oh, well..." V paused for a moment, indecision playing across worried features. "If you asked me... I'd say we would be better off forgetting about going to Ivyleaf and making our way to Crag's End. If people don't use the pass, there's a good reason for it and it would be better we take the long route rather than taking what may be a shortcut, but may also result in us being lead astray, costing us more than the additional time that we would take going around the mountains."

    "That's your final opinion?" Roy asked uncertainly.

    "That it is."

    "Well... I suppose you know the terrain better than any of us. It's settled; we'll need to stock up on extra supplies for a longer journey, but if we push the pace, I suppose it's only five days lost." He still looked doubtful.

    "Unless anyone else has anything to say?"

    "Yes." Haley said so sharply that Elan jumped slightly. "I think we should go over the pass. It's well used at the moment, and more than one person recommended it. What's more, Ivyleaf seems to be a much busier town than Crag's Edge - the merchants I spoke to were all headed there - and that means we're much more likely to be able to get horses and any other gear we'll need further on."

    Roy looked down thoughtfully, tapping the map lightly with a calloused finger. "I'm afraid I'm going to have to agree with Haley, V. It seems a much better option." Roy then looked up, smiling.
    "Right then group, get whatever further supplies you need today, because we'll be setting off first thing tomorrow morning. And get a good night's sleep!"

    The various members of the Order got up from the table, and Haley rose quickly, making for the door. Vaarsuvius started to go after her, before realizing it was ill advised, and instead turned to head back up the stairs.

    ***

    Haley wasn't sure where she intended to go, she just wanted to go somewhere out of the way of everyone else while she worked out what she should do. She was somewhat angry and certainly disappointed at her friend, but knew that unless the elf wanted her advice, Vaarsuvius would brush of any inquiries with that formal, aloof mannerism the elf resorted to when bothered.

    But mostly, Haley was worried. She knew she had overreacted, but while Vaarsuvius had never been very forthcoming with personal information, they been friends long enough that Haley recall the V mentioning small details about the elf's family, always with a fond smile crossing thin lips. If V had spontaneously begun a new relationship, something significant had happened that Haley had missed.

    In her musings, her feet had led he to a street that she recalled having a small tavern. It would be somewhere to sit and think, and if that failed, a way to temporarily quiet her misgivings.

    She entered the tavern and crossed over to the bar. It wasn't until after she had sat down and ordered a drink that her eyes adjusted to the lower light enough for her to notice who else was there, also intent on drowning his sorrows.

    ***

    Vaarsuvius poked a head round the door.

    The room was empty.

    "Drat."

    ***

    "What are you doing here?!"

    Zz'dtri looked up from his ale and scowled. "Drinking. What are you doing?"

    "Trying to come up with a way of convincing Vaarsuvius that any relationship with you is a bad idea." Haley said glaring at him

    "Don't remember asking your opinion." He muttered, then resumed staring into his drink.

    "I'm V's friend, I'm not going to sit around and let this happen. V's married you know."

    "I know"

    "And has a loving family."

    "Had."

    "...What?" Haley stared at him.

    Zz'dtri looked up and raised an eyebrow. "Didn't tell you?" He smirked.

    "What's happened to V's family?!"

    "If you weren't told, there was a reason. I won't say."

    Haley though over this silently for a few minutes before speaking again. "Fine then. Tell me what in the world led you to meeting again, much less not trying to kill each other."

    "Got arrested by the lawyers and put in the same cell as me. I apologized for before. We talked." He paused to take a swig of ale. "Managed to escape together and went our separate ways, until now. That's it."

    "And V confided in you about something important but didn't tell me?" Haley said incredulously.

    "Needed to tell someone, I suppose."

    "And what about you?"

    "About me?"

    "What happened to the whole 'Evil opposite' thing? Why the change of heart?"

    The drow looked away. "Was just lonely, ok? No one cared about me before. Was just shunned, assumed to be evil."

    "You're not evil?"

    "Well, not that much." He said with slight smirk.

    "Then why'd you join Nale's group?"

    He shrugged. "Only one who would hire me."

    "Oh. Still, why V?"

    "I told you. Only person in a long time who has cared about me, who will stay with me. I needed a friend."

    Haley frowned. "But you're more than a friend to V."

    He shrugged "V already had friends. Suppose I had to be something more."

    Haley was still frowning slightly. Then she sighed and stood up, leaving her drink half finished on the counter. "I think I need to talk to V." She paused, halfway to the door, and looked back. "Er... bye." She said, before continuing out into the street.


    As Haley turned onto the main road she saw a familiar red robed figure approaching. Vaarsuvius spotted Haley, and after a moments hesitation, headed towards her. Haley stopped where she was and crossed her arms as the wizard pulled to a halt in front of her, looking around nervously.

    "You're looking for Zz'dtri." she said

    "Er, I am. You know where he is?"

    "Yes, but first we're having a talk."

    For a moment V appeared to be considering running, and then asked resignedly "You want to talk right here?"

    "No. Let’s go back to the inn. I need another drink for this."

    ***

    A few minutes later and they were both seated in the tavern, Haley with a glass and V, having declined a beverage, nervously fiddling with a beer mat. Haley took a sip from her drink before addressing the elf.

    "You know I'm always here if you need somebody to talk to."

    Vaarasuvius looked uncertainly at the rogue. "What is this about?"

    "V, you didn't tell me something had happened to your family."

    Vaarsuvius paled. "You talked to Zz'dtri, he told you... what did he tell you??"

    "Nothing specific, once he found out I had no idea what he was talking about. V, this has to have been something recent, what on earth could have happened to break you and Inkyrius up?"

    "Nothing that I wish to talk about."

    "But something bad has happened."

    The elf's silence was an answer enough.

    "Fine. Maybe it is none of my business, but your relationship with Zz'dtri is, not least of all because pretty soon someone's going to notice him hanging around, and more likely than not they'll think he's still working for the Linear Guild."

    V sat still, head hung.

    "Firstly, I want to hear your side of the story, because something he said worries me."

    Vaarsuvius looked up, an eyebrow raised. "The first day we made camp after we reached the mainland I was accosted by those two lawyers and taken to a jail. I was thrown in the same cell as him, and while I was initially hostile, he admitted that his prior behavior was due to him having feelings for me. We... I was held there a few days before we managed to escape. He seemed to think that now we were free I would no longer be interested in continuing out relationship, but I convinced him otherwise before leaving to return here. I told him I loved him."

    "And do you?"

    V was taken aback. "I..."

    "More than you loved Inkyrius?"

    "I... no." V looked away again. "But Inkyrius no longer loves me."

    "And you think Zz'dtri does?"

    "I presume so, why else would he be interested in me?"

    "Maybe because you're the only person who has paid any positive attention to him, the closest thing he has to a friend. Which is all he really wants V."

    V met Haley's eyes, suddenly angry "Oh? Then why does he continue to have a romantic relationship with me?"

    "Because it's what you want, to replace Inkyrius. You're cleverer than me V, if I can see it must be obvious to you."

    "No. I love him and he returns the affection."

    "No, you just want to sleep with him and he's going along with it because it's the only way he knows to get your attention."

    At that, Varsuvius stood furiously. "You're wrong. You've got it wrong! You do not know anything about this and I don't have to listen to you!" With that the wizard stormed out of bar, small wisps of pink flame rising from clenched fists.

    Haley watched her friend go in despair, not knowing where to start beginning to repair the negative emotions that lay heavy in the air.

    She ordered another drink.

    ***

    After having taken a few steps away from the inn, Vaarsuvius stopped and sighed deeply, loosening clenched fists and raising one hand to run the fingers through purple hair. Haley was wrong. Haley had to be wrong.

    ...Right?

    The elf was no longer so certain. The main concern at the moment was finding Zz'dtri, because Vaarsuvius wouldn’t be able to bear it if he left in the meantime thinking he was unwanted. Which he well might.

    Vaarsuvius pondered where he could have gone. Back to the magic shop? He could have wandered along one of the footpaths into the surrounding forest, in which case it would be nearly impossible to find him unless he can back. Vaarsuvius looked around, at a complete loss at what to do.

    "He's in a small tavern on the third street on the right from here."

    Vaarsuvius jumped and spun around to see Haley standing there holding a half empty glass.

    "I thought you thoroughly disapproved of our relationship." The elf said coldly.

    "I do." Haley replied in a equally icy tone. "But I did say I'd tell you. And besides, if I don't you'll just run around worrying for the next few hours, and that won't help anyone." Haley turned to go back into the inn. "Just remember what I said. Don't make the wrong decision, V."

    The elf was already running off along the road.


    At the third street Vaarsuvius slowed down, looking around for the tavern. One door was open, a small sign propped up against the wall beside it. The elf went over and peered into the shade. "Zz'dtri?"

    A pair of silver eyes looked up. Their owner smiled weakly as the other elf walked over, pulled up a bar stool and sat beside him, elbows resting on the counter. Returning the smile, Vaarsuvius gently placed one hand over the one of his that wasn't clutching an empty glass. The drow's other hand then left the glass to take hold of V's, which the drow looked down at distractedly, stroking the palm with dark fingers. "Your friend came in here."

    "I know." V replied. "She didn't upset you did she?"

    Zz'dtri shook his head "I'm fine."

    Uncertain of what to say next V remained quiet, and for a few minutes they simply sat in a companionable silence, the only noise the occasional clink of glass on wood from other customers. Then unusually, Zz'dtri spoke first. "Do you want to go for a walk?"

    "Yes. Yes, I'd like that" Vaarsuvius replied, looking up to meet his eyes and smiling again. Then they stood and, still linking hands, headed out of the door.

    ***

    They had been walking for some time now, following one of the narrower trails at a casual pace, musing over various anecdotes from each of their pasts and enjoying the musky scent of the surrounding forest. They came to a small clearing, the ground covered in thin grass, and sat down to rest, leaning their backs against a tree.

    Then Vaarsuvius asked. "Do you love me?"

    Surprised at the sudden question, Zz'dtri took a moment before answering it. "I... think I do."

    "Think?"

    "Don't have much to compare with. You're only person I've known for a long time."

    "But what do you see in me? There's countless other people out there, many of whom undoubtedly are more pleasant company that myself."

    At that, Zz'dtri leaned over and snuggled into the other elf's shoulder. "I enjoy your company." he said, grinning. "I also think you're clever. But rather than thinking less intelligent people are useless, you do actually seem to care about them. Even if you find them annoying."

    "I've been exceptionally unkind to some of my allies in recent months."

    "But you try to be nice. And when you're not, you regret it afterwards."

    Vaarsuvius sighed. "Recently I think maybe I should have been trying harder. Tell me... do you think there's any long term possibility for our relationship?"

    "Don't see why not." He shrugged slightly. "Will always be problems, being what we are. But I certainly have strong feelings for you.
    "I also find you attractive, of course" he said, stealthily edging a hand closer.

    "And I do too, on both counts" Vaarsuvius replied. And then the elf jumped, feeling a hand stroke up one inner thigh, having worked its way into red robes.

    V turned to see him grinning once again, and smirked. "Two can play at that game" the elf said and rolled over onto his lap, catching his other hand playfully. Vaarsuvius brought the hand up and kissed it, before twisting an agile tongue between his fingers. Zz'dtri tilted his head back and moaned softly, but as if not to be outdone, he began to move his other hand again, this time upwards.

    Vaarsuvius laughed, and kissed him passionately.

    ***

    The sun was now lower in the sky, and the air was getting cooler, the shadows that stretched across the two resting figures deepening.

    "We always end up outside, don't we." Vaarsuvius remarked, playing with a strand of white hair.

    "Or in a cell." Zz'dtri replied

    "I think I'd much rather be out here."

    "No one to disturb us."

    “Haley means well. She just has trouble accepting some things are none of her business.”

    “Could be worse.” He raised his head to grin at his lover. “Could have been following us.”

    “If she was, I’m sure she left in a hurry some time ago.” V mused, before gently kissing those dark lips.

    They lay entwined for some time more, until Zz’dtri said “Should go back now.”

    “We’re going to have to explain this to them. I don’t want you getting hurt because of a misunderstanding.”

    “Think they’ll listen?”

    “If they put up with that psychotic Halfling they’ve got no grounds to reject you.” Vaarsuvius said, untangling their legs and standing up. Zz’dtri caught his robe when it was tossed towards him and pulled it on reluctantly, then went to retrieve his shoes from the other side of the clearing.

    ***

    The two elves slowed down as they approached the inn.

    “I think maybe I should speak to them first.” Vaarsuvius said uncertainly as they entered the hallway, letting go of Zz’dtri’s hand to peer through the adjacent doorway that led into the tavern. Then came the sound of footsteps on the stairs and the clank of armor, and Vaarsuvius spun around to see Roy staring in recognition at the drow, Durkon still climbing down the steps behind him.

    “What the hell!” Roy exclaimed, moving into a combat stance and reaching for his sword.

    “Sir Greenhilt, it’s-” Vaarsuvius started, but Zz’dtri had raised his hands defensively and Roy, thinking he was about to cast a spell, stepped forward and punched him squarely in the face. While Zz’dtri stumbled back clutching his nose, Roy brought his sword in front of him and advanced on the drow, raising the greatsword above his head.

    “No stop! …Fireball!” Before Roy could bring his sword down, he was struck in the side by a blistering heat and doubled over, gasping.

    “Vaarsuvius!” Haley had run out of the bar having heard the commotion, with a wide-eyed Elan following closely behind. Vaarsuvius rushed over to Zz’dtri to make sure he was okay, ignoring Haley’s shout.

    “V, you attacked Roy!”

    “Well he attacked Zz’dtri!” Vaarsuvius shot back, glaring at her.

    “What else did you think he’d do?”

    “Not sneak up behind us, for one!”

    “What is going on here?” Roy said, staring at the two elves and then at Haley. While they were arguing Durkon had moved over to him Roy and healed his burnt side, and the Fighter was now standing up straight again, sword held ready by his side.

    “V has been… what’s the phrase? Fraternizing with the Enemy.”

    “He is not the enemy any more!” V said exasperatedly.

    “But he’s part of the Linear Guild, isn’t he? Durkon, what are you doing?” The dwarf had gone over to Zz’dtri and was assessing the damage to his nose.

    “I dinne know wha’ is going on either, but ‘e’s not attackin’ us and ye did hit ‘im.”

    “Left after taken by the lawyers.” Zz’dtri said, wincing as the dwarf prodded his nose.

    “It’s not broken lad, jus’ badly swollen.”

    “But how do we know he’s not just pretending he’s not still working for Nale? He’s evil isn’t he?” Roy asked.

    Belkar chose that moment to wander into the hallway and looked around him. “What did I miss” he sniffed the air and smirked “…and who’s been getting some?”

    “I think that answers both your concerns.” Vaarsuvius said irritably.

    Roy gawped at the Halfling “…Wait, what?” Then it dawned on him and he turned to look at the two mages, who were now holding hands. “Oh.

    “Aww!” Elan piped in, earning him a sharp nudge from Haley.

    “I’m still not sure I’m happy with having him hanging around though.” Roy said.

    “Not that it matters, since we’re leaving here tomorrow.” Haley pointed out.

    “Actually” Vaarsuvius said nervously “I was wondering if he might travel with us, at least for some way of the journey.” Zz’dtri looked surprised.

    “What! You-” Haley started, but Roy cut her off.

    “That’s not a bad idea actually. We’ll be able to keep an eye on him, make sure he’s not reporting to Nale about what we’re doing.”

    “Not working for Nale.”

    “Then there’s nothing to worry about, is there?” Roy said to the drow. “Now lets get out of the hallway, it’s too cramped.” He said, making his way into the bar, Durkon following behind. Vaarsuvius and Zz’dtri started up the stairs.

    “Where do you think you’re going?” Haley asked sharply.

    “To trance. Just trance.” The elf said, both of them then disappearing up the stairs without another word.

    “What’s the matter Haley?” Elan asked confused, as they headed back into the bar.

    Haley sighed “I’ll explain later.”

    Belkar was left alone, having been ignored by everyone else. “Why does no one ever answer my questions?” he asked the empty air, before sighing and going back to his ale.

    ***

    Vaarsuvius slowly surfaced from myriad of memories to see a pair of silver eyes inches away, watching.

    “Good morning.” Zz’drti said as the other elf blinked bemusedly a few times.

    Vaarsuvius closed the small gap between them to brush the other’s lips with a light kiss. “Good morning to you, too. You were watching me?”

    “No bad memories. Not like before.” Zz’dtri said twirling a purple lock of hair between his fingers.

    A delighted smile spread across the elf’s face. “No…. I suppose they’re finally gone.” Vaarsuvius said in surprise, snuggling into the drow’s arms and hugging him closer. “You kept them away.”

    Zz’dtri sighed contentedly. “Will always keep them away.”

    “You are happy to travel with the party, aren’t you? I should have consulted you before asking.”

    “Happy to. Get to be together longer.”

    They lay there tangled together under the blankets for a few more cozy minutes, enjoying the peace and quiet of early morning. Then, stifling a yawn, Vaarsuvius sat up and stretched, before slipping out from under the covers and untangling the red robes from the pile of clothes on the floor. Zz’tri watched sleepily.

    “Er… there’s something else I forgot to mention.” The elf said, pulling on the robes.

    Zz’dtri propped himself up on one elbow, causing the blankets to slide off his chest. “Oh?”

    “Where were going next, Ivyleaf, it’s where I used to… it’s where my mate lives.”

    Zz’dtri was silent for a while, just watching as Vaarsuvius began sorting through spell components. “Will be ok.” He said eventually, expressionlessly, before finally moving to get dressed.

    ***
    Down in the tavern, Belkar was working his way through a large plate of bacon and eggs, while trying to ask Haley about their newest traveling companion.

    “So this Zeeditty guy was working for Nale but isn’t now?” the Halfling said, spewing food everywhere.

    Haley carefully edged away from him “Apparently.”

    “But Ears knows him somehow? Like knows knows? I though he was married.”

    “V is married.” Haley muttered into her coffee.

    “Wait, does this mean Vaarsuvius is a girl, or are they both-“

    “Not your business.” Zz’dtri said, walking over with a bowl of cereal, Vaarsuvius following behind him.

    They sat down next to each other at the far end of the table and started on their breakfasts. Haley raised an eyebrow. “You seem to have made it our business.” Zz’dtri ignored her pushed a few bran flakes around in his bowl.

    But Vaarsuvius replied “You’re the one who insists on getting involved.”

    “Me? I’m not the one who decided to pick up a romantic interest along the way.”

    “I am not arguing this over with you again. Besides, what is the idiot bard to you if not that?”

    Haley was getting angry now. “That’s a completely different situation and you know it. Elan’s a valuable member of our team rather than just a useless deadweight.”

    Now it was Vaarsuvius’ turn to raise an eyebrow. “Are we both referring to the same person?”

    Belkar snickered. “Ooh, burn.”

    “I can fight.” Zz’dtri said resolutely. “No scimitars anymore though.” He mused.

    “We’ll see.” Haley said.

    Before she could elaborate further, Roy approached the table and addressed the four of them. “Ok people, Durkon’s recharged his spells for today, so we’re leaving in ten minutes.” He turned to Zz’dtri “I’m somewhat surprised you didn’t make a run for it in the night, drow.”

    “Why would I?” the elf asked defensively.

    “Well, just make sure you don’t slow us down. Remember everyone, outside and ready to go in ten minutes!” he said, before walking away.

    ***

    Five of seven were waiting in the road in from of the inn, their breath misting in the early morning air. After a few more minutes, the two remaining members of the Order cane out of the inn to join them.

    “Sorry to keep you waiting guys! Haley insisted on rechecking out room incase she’d dropped any gold somewhere.” Elan said cheerfully.

    “There was a silver piece behind the wardrobe that we would have missed otherwise.” Haley said, strapping her bow across her back in easy reach. There was a collective rolling of eyes from everyone else present.

    “Well enough dawdling” Roy said, starting off down the road, everyone else falling in step behind him.

    “Onwards, to Ivyleaf!”




    Also, does anyone have any critique for my writing? Anything I'm not doing but should be or vice versa?

    Quote Originally Posted by Flyingfox View Post
    Where do you get those siginatures, by the way??
    We make them. Feel free to use any of the ones I've done.
    Last edited by Zanaril; 2009-09-13 at 05:11 AM.
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  23. - Top - End - #653
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    Dark Faun's Avatar

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    Default Re: Crack Pairings Matchup Table

    When V put Zz'dtri in the team, I thought "Does she WANT his mate to know? ". I guess she's really certain Kyrie hates him.

    Belkar is so going to make the situation worse for our favorite androgynous elf.
    Formerly known as Discord here and Maladin on avatarspirit.net.

  24. - Top - End - #654

    Default Re: Crack Pairings Matchup Table

    Quote Originally Posted by Discord View Post
    Belkar is so going to make the situation worse for our favorite androgynous elf.
    Hey, V-man, you're finally gettin' some! Although some what, I'm not quite sure...
    It's been a bit, GitP. If you're reading this, you're either digging through old stuff, or I've posted for the first time in forever.

    If you want to stay in touch, reach out to me on twitter (same username).

    The best answer is always to ask your DM.
    Unless you're the DM, in which case you should talk to your players.

  25. - Top - End - #655
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    Default Re: Crack Pairings Matchup Table

    I was rather refering to "Heh, you're V's mate right? Did you know your Suvie's eating drow for breakfast? "
    Formerly known as Discord here and Maladin on avatarspirit.net.

  26. - Top - End - #656
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    Default Re: Crack Pairings Matchup Table

    Quote Originally Posted by Discord View Post
    When V put Zz'dtri in the team, I thought "Does she WANT his mate to know? ". I guess she's really certain Kyrie hates him.
    Yes, I think V's pretty much given up on Inky by now, or at least is really hoping they won't run into him and so won't have to think about it. (Unlikely ) And if they do, V is expecting Haley to spill the beans anyway, and so at least wants someone on her side if that happens.

    Quote Originally Posted by Discord View Post
    I was rather refering to "Heh, you're V's mate right? Did you know your Suvie's eating drow for breakfast? "
    Now I just have to work something like that in.
    Last edited by Zanaril; 2009-08-16 at 03:19 PM.
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  27. - Top - End - #657
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    Default Re: Crack Pairings Matchup Table

    And then Belkar pretends Kyrie smells like she just slept with another elf...
    Formerly known as Discord here and Maladin on avatarspirit.net.

  28. - Top - End - #658
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    Default Re: Crack Pairings Matchup Table

    Quote Originally Posted by Discord View Post
    And then Belkar pretends Kyrie smells like she just slept with another elf...
    Pretends? We'll see...
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  29. - Top - End - #659
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    Default Re: Crack Pairings Matchup Table

    I know this is off topic and not really for this thread but could someone make a banner of my avatarxV.

    "crosses fingers"
    Last edited by xelliea; 2009-08-16 at 04:05 PM.

  30. - Top - End - #660
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    BardGuy

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    Default Re: Crack Pairings Matchup Table

    Zanaril, Your Crackfic is incredibly awesome!



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