LGBTAI+ #59: Will You Take This Woman To Be Your Galpal?

[Astrella]

*snip*

I've seen sexual assault ratios like that in at least one other study before I think, not sure about the name (forge or something like that?) or if they provided a reasoning though. I think with trans people in general there's a bunch of complex gendered factors at play.

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I'm not familiar what the legal situation in Germany is, but does it have to be a "trans specialist" or can any psych's letter work? Cause in that case it might be easier to find a good general psych that would be willing to help that doesn't have a whole bunch of "we know best" biases yet. (Honestly my anxiety therapist was better about gender stuff than the original psych I got my hrt letter from cause she like, you know, accepted that I knew my own experiences best and wanted to listen and learn rather than just push a bunch of stereotypes...)

Alternatively, and this is not easy I know, looking at other countries might be worthwhile? Not sure if they'd accept foreign letters or if moving is an option at some point. :?

I'm sorry stuff's so sucky, Juniper.

[JusticeZero]

I thought the point of transitioning was to be yourself, not turn into someone else.

Think of it like this: You're still yourself, but you feel much different when you're not loaded to the gills with dysphoric malware and emulators.
Also? Transitioning is a MAJOR LIFE EVENT. It's pretty massively life changing. Don't think you can just change everything and not be a bit transformed. The guy just out of high school is one person. The same kid after some extreme adventure or misadventure is going to be the same kid - but they have a lot of new experiences, and they aren't going to seem the same.

I’m still trying to figure out how I feel about my gender identity..
I find wearing very traditionally masculine garb uncomfortable.. and also have a pretty feminine presentation, such that people pretty frequently mistake me for female? And when they do so, I mostly just get a sort of satisfied feeling about presenting as sufficiently androgynous? But then I don’t dislike being referred to as male? It’s complicated.

How far and for how long have you tried slamming your presentation/image/etc completely out of the park into unfamiliar territory for? Because I found that to be pretty important for figuring things out. One data point is difficult. Triangulate.

Also find stories from other people. We get a lot of narratives passively that are complete garbage. I assumed I was cis for YEARS because the typical narratives involved "cross-dressing" and being attracted to the same assigned sex. I'm still not big on dresses and I mostly wear skirts because no pants fit right. Also, asexual, for which there was no term at the time. Turns out those aren't necessary.

[Lycunadari]

Hi! I’m Blithesome (in the sense of it being my name, not in the sense that such is my current emotional state), and I’ve only recently started doing anything but lurking!

*snip*
I hope that this thread and this community can serve as a place to work things out, and help other people with their own issues.

Welcome!

Does transformation fetish count? Its like, the only thing I can get off to.

I like imagining myself transforming into an animal, werewolf style.

I’d like to father children one day, but I have no idea how to get around this kink.

I’m not super into other people as a rule...I can only think of 1, maybe 2 times in my life I’ve felt geniune attraction outside of this kink.

The question if being kinky makes you inherently queer/LGBTQIA+ is a controversial one, and probably not something we can really discuss here. That said, I usually tend towards including anyone who wants to be included- if you say that you're queer, than that's enough for me and I'm not going to question you if you have an "approved" identity.

Have you looked into (grey) asexuality? 'Cause only experiencing attraction very rarely, or only in specific circumstances (like a specific kink) is a form of asexuality.

I've seen sexual assault ratios like that in at least one other study before I think, not sure about the name (forge or something like that?) or if they provided a reasoning though. I think with trans people in general there's a bunch of complex gendered factors at play.

=====

I'm not familiar what the legal situation in Germany is, but does it have to be a "trans specialist" or can any psych's letter work? Cause in that case it might be easier to find a good general psych that would be willing to help that doesn't have a whole bunch of "we know best" biases yet. (Honestly my anxiety therapist was better about gender stuff than the original psych I got my hrt letter from cause she like, you know, accepted that I knew my own experiences best and wanted to listen and learn rather than just push a bunch of stereotypes...)

Alternatively, and this is not easy I know, looking at other countries might be worthwhile? Not sure if they'd accept foreign letters or if moving is an option at some point. :?

I'm sorry stuff's so sucky, Juniper.

For the legal name/gender change they do have to be specialists*, and you can't even chose them yourself – you can suggest two when you apply for the name/gender change, but it's not guaranteed that you get them (and IIRC it *can't* be your own therapist (because they might be ~biased~ or something)). So you just get assigned two specialists, pay them several hundred €, have one to three meetings with each of them where you have to convince them that you're trans enough and then they write a report that hopefully says that you are indeed trans. I don't think moving to another country would help (if I'm not also changing citizenship)- it would just change which specialists I'd have to talk to (I just look it up, apparently one of the local courts in Berlin is responsible for people living abroad). Though I guess the specialists in Berlin might be less bad than the ones here? (From what I heard, the local court in Nürnberg is particularly bad and there are people who have changed their residence to some other place just so they didn't fall under Nürnberg's jurisdiction; that might actually be an option for me, if I move back in with my parents (at least on paper), I'd have to apply for my name change in Munich which might be better.)

*it can't even be any specialist, it has to be one of the court approved ... expert witness is the word, I think? So just knowing a lot about trans stuff isn't even enough. AFAIK there are currently about five in Nürnberg.

(Getting HRT is easier, there you just need any therapist to write you a letter of indication after six months of therapy, so if you can get your non-specialist therapist to do that, that works.)

Honestly, I think waiting for the law to change is actually my best option- parts of the current law have already been decided to be unconstitutional in 2011 (the parts requiring having had surgeries), and last year there was a proposal to completely scrap it and replace it with a new one that allows self-determination, a statement of the Bundesrat supporting the right to self determination as well as the decision of the constitutional court that we need to get a neutral gender marker, so hopefully it's only a matter of time.

[Sahe]

@Juniper: I'm also in Germany, also in the South. I have a Therapist in Ulm I'm pretty happy with even though I have to drive there with a train every other month for my sessions, but that's okay. I'm also waiting for the Law to change to officially change Name/Gender, I hope that it does before I'm about to finish University so I can graduate with my name.

Also: One more month and I can finally get start to get rid of that beard.

[Lycunadari]

@Juniper: I'm also in Germany, also in the South. I have a Therapist in Ulm I'm pretty happy with even though I have to drive there with a train every other month for my sessions, but that's okay. I'm also waiting for the Law to change to officially change Name/Gender, I hope that it does before I'm about to finish University so I can graduate with my name.

Also: One more month and I can finally get start to get rid of that beard.

Do you have an Ergänzungsausweis? Your university might be willing to change your name even if you haven't legally changed it yet if you show that to them.

[137beth]

I don’t know anything about how it works in Germany. In the U.S., though, the university I work at lets students change their names even without getting it changed legally.

[noparlpf]

I don’t know anything about how it works in Germany. In the U.S., though, the university I work at lets students change their names even without getting it changed legally.

This seems to be true for many universities in the northeast US. Some even have explicit policies for transgender students' names and preferred pronouns.
Edit: Or faculty, come to think of it. Admin sent out a department-wide email a few months ago announcing that one of the ECC doctors was officially going by male pronouns from now on. I think he also helped organise a lunch talk about respecting transgender colleagues in the workplace.

[Delta]

I don’t know anything about how it works in Germany. In the U.S., though, the university I work at lets students change their names even without getting it changed legally.

I don't think that's quite as easy in Germany since we have a much more centralized ID system here, you have to get a federal ID card at 16 (and gotta renew it regularly after that) and the information on that is pretty much "canon" that all official institutions use. I only know what I heard from transgender friends, but getting that official information changed is a lot of trouble and until then, a lot of official instutions will refuse to use any other information that what it says on your ID.

[Sahe]

I mean, I still got another year or so at least before I graduate, so it's not that pressing. Deadname interactions with institutions are rare enough that it doesn't bother me that much, especially since all my friends and (relevant) family use my name. Plus I want to keep my SHE initials and still haven't decided on a S replacement. :D

[Eldest]

I mean, I still got another year or so at least before I graduate, so it's not that pressing. Deadname interactions with institutions are rare enough that it doesn't bother me that much, especially since all my friends and (relevant) family use my name. Plus I want to keep my SHE initials and still haven't decided on a S replacement. :D

Good luck with that! I tried to figure out a good feminine "B" name that I liked when I was figuring out the trans stuff originally, to keep the same initials. Two years later, finally gave up and went with something else.

[ve4grm]

I mean, I still got another year or so at least before I graduate, so it's not that pressing. Deadname interactions with institutions are rare enough that it doesn't bother me that much, especially since all my friends and (relevant) family use my name. Plus I want to keep my SHE initials and still haven't decided on a S replacement. :D

Sophia! Sarah! Skeletor!

Good luck with that! I tried to figure out a good feminine "B" name that I liked when I was figuring out the trans stuff originally, to keep the same initials. Two years later, finally gave up and went with something else.

Brunhilde!

...am I helping?

[YossarianLives]

...Skeletor!

This is obviously the only real answer.

[Orcus The Vile]

Can someone recommend me a gay movie that is not about young, handsome, happy, rich and out of the closet youths?

The main guy being a weirdo, cis and male can help, religious family is also a plus.

[Florian]

I don’t know anything about how it works in Germany. In the U.S., though, the university I work at lets students change their names even without getting it changed legally.

We work with a centralized ID system and really anything is connected to the central ID register, starting with your birth certificate, going over to your inland and foreign identity cards and driving license. On the pro side, this makes a lot of things easy. For example, I don't have to apply for a visa when I want to visit the US or Canada, I can take the next flight over the atlantic and enter the country because the necessary steps have already been taken on my central ID. On the con side, changing anything on the central ID is a major PITA because of all the steps and changes involved. For example, if I were to change from "m" to "f", that's no small thing because of the wide spread connected to it, like how the system handles your free prostata and breast cancer preventive treatments and such.

Overall, Germany has marked socialist stance on how public health care works and how the burden of the individual should be shared by the public in general. This is kind of a problem when dealing with edge cases like "Juniper" or "Sahe" here, because while we see it as natural to share the burden, we must actually deal with the question wether that is a burden that we deem to be share-able. Don't get this wrong, fly to Chile and have a m2f done out of your own pockets, no biggie, but doing the same within the healthcare system is more of a task because the costs involved are shared by the public.

[Astrella]

Eh, like, helping trans people has been showed to be beneficial ages ago already; and plenty of other socialist countries are way less rigid with regards to it without any issues.

[Sahe]

It's not so much a problem from the medical side and more a problem from the administrative side.

My therapy sessions are fully covered, I pay 25 bucks for 3 months worth of HRT, SRS is covered and next month I can start getting rid of that stupid stuff in my face, which is also covered. It's not all ideal and there are some hurdles and stupid regulations and such. There are certainly countries where transitioning is easier and cheaper, but there are also certainly those where it's harder and costly.

The whole administrative thing can be a pain, but I guess that's just Germany for you. If I'm not mistaken there are jokes about German bureaucracy even outside of Germany :D

[Astrella]

Hi everyone,

just got back from a small repair surgery, everything went well, my legs are super tired though for some reason.

[JNAProductions]

Hi everyone,

just got back from a small repair surgery, everything went well, my legs are super tired though for some reason.

*Offers hugs and... Um... Leg massages? Leg stimulants? Cookies? Something else.*

Glad it went well!

[137beth]

It's not so much a problem from the medical side and more a problem from the administrative side.

My therapy sessions are fully covered, I pay 25 bucks for 3 months worth of HRT, SRS is covered and next month I can start getting rid of that stupid stuff in my face, which is also covered. It's not all ideal and there are some hurdles and stupid regulations and such. There are certainly countries where transitioning is easier and cheaper, but there are also certainly those where it's harder and costly.

The whole administrative thing can be a pain, but I guess that's just Germany for you. If I'm not mistaken there are jokes about German bureaucracy even outside of Germany :D

Yea, that's a lot better than anything we have over here in the U.S.

Hi everyone,

just got back from a small repair surgery, everything went well, my legs are super tired though for some reason.

Yay!

[Astrella]

Thank you both, sadly I'm having a small / painful complication though. Went to emergency room, they said it shouldn't be super threatening but best to clean well and get check up earlier. Got more time of work too. It not very fun. :/

[JNAProductions]

Thank you both, sadly I'm having a small / painful complication though. Went to emergency room, they said it shouldn't be super threatening but best to clean well and get check up earlier. Got more time of work too. It not very fun. :/

I'm sorry to hear that. Hope nothing too major occurs, and good luck!

[Lissou]

That sucks, Astrella. Best wishes!

[noparlpf]

Thank you both, sadly I'm having a small / painful complication though. Went to emergency room, they said it shouldn't be super threatening but best to clean well and get check up earlier. Got more time of work too. It not very fun. :/

That sucks, hopefully nothing major and clears up soon.

[Ophidian]

Hello everyone! I thought it was best to introduce myself here.

I joined Giant in the Playground awhile ago, when I was in a very different place in my life. And now I find myself coming back again. Other pastures have been...unkind. I thought it prudent to introduce myself here. I'm-well, my user name here is The Necromancer, but these days I prefer Ophidian. Ophie for short. I'm a gay male from the northern United States, with a love of writing, reading and roleplaying.

Admittedly, I don't have much time for these things anymore.

Part of why I'm here. Heh.

I'm glad to see the community here still seems pretty strong. And it's nice to..well, see a space here, for our folk.

[Lycunadari]

Thank you both, sadly I'm having a small / painful complication though. Went to emergency room, they said it shouldn't be super threatening but best to clean well and get check up earlier. Got more time of work too. It not very fun. :/

Oh no, I hope it gets better soon! *offers hugs*

Hello everyone! I thought it was best to introduce myself here.

I joined Giant in the Playground awhile ago, when I was in a very different place in my life. And now I find myself coming back again. Other pastures have been...unkind. I thought it prudent to introduce myself here. I'm-well, my user name here is The Necromancer, but these days I prefer Ophidian. Ophie for short. I'm a gay male from the northern United States, with a love of writing, reading and roleplaying.

Admittedly, I don't have much time for these things anymore.

Part of why I'm here. Heh.

I'm glad to see the community here still seems pretty strong. And it's nice to..well, see a space here, for our folk.

Welcome!

-----

So, I tried binding with kinesio tape again, and this time it works really well! I needed less tape than last time and it looks better, too. And it doesn't hurt or is uncomfortable at all; I actually hardly notice it when I'm not actively paying attention to it. Much better than wearing a binder. It's kinda amazing. The only thing I don't like is that I can't easily take it off so I always have to decide if I actually want to bind for the next couple of days without a break, including at night (sleeping with it does feel a bit weird, but that's probably mostly because I'm not used to it).

[JNAProductions]

Hello everyone! I thought it was best to introduce myself here.

I joined Giant in the Playground awhile ago, when I was in a very different place in my life. And now I find myself coming back again. Other pastures have been...unkind. I thought it prudent to introduce myself here. I'm-well, my user name here is The Necromancer, but these days I prefer Ophidian. Ophie for short. I'm a gay male from the northern United States, with a love of writing, reading and roleplaying.

Admittedly, I don't have much time for these things anymore.

Part of why I'm here. Heh.

I'm glad to see the community here still seems pretty strong. And it's nice to..well, see a space here, for our folk.

Hello, and welcome!

[noparlpf]

[137beth]

You might want to put those pictures on imgur instead, since they aren't showing up.

[noparlpf]

My bad, I forgot photobucket was doing that.

[137beth]

That anon is COMPLETELY WRONG! It’s pansexuals who grow up from the floor, and bisexuals who grow down from the ceiling. Everybody knows that!