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  1. - Top - End - #961
    Ogre in the Playground
     
    Zanaril's Avatar

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    Default Re: Crack Pairings 3 - 50% More Squick

    Quote Originally Posted by Kaytara View Post
    Purely technically, V would have been able to contact Durkon immediately. The Cloister prevents incoming spells, not outgoing ones.

    But really, it depends on the circumstances. Just imagine the massive amounts of Haley!Angst and V!Whompage if V'd gotten captured by Xykon in that battle. Probably would have made a more convincing reason for Haley to stay in Azure City too, other than just sitting around.
    *starts taking notes*

    Of course, Haley would need a way of knowing that V had been captured. And something would need to stop V just fireballing everyone.

    If you take away a wizard's spellbook and all their spell slots are used up, they're helpless as kittens, right?
    Last edited by Zanaril; 2009-11-19 at 12:44 PM.
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  2. - Top - End - #962
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    Dark Faun's Avatar

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    Default Re: Crack Pairings 3 - 50% More Squick

    Kittens can slaughter dozens of commoners without breaking a sweat. Wizards without spells can't.

    I can easily see Xykon burning V's spellbook in front of her just to make a point about power.
    Formerly known as Discord here and Maladin on avatarspirit.net.

  3. - Top - End - #963
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    Peanut Gallery's Avatar

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    Default Re: Crack Pairings 3 - 50% More Squick

    A good night's sleep/trance and one hour studying the spellbook to pick out which spells to memorize for the day.
    Crackers don't matter.

  4. - Top - End - #964
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    Zanaril's Avatar

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    Default Re: Crack Pairings 3 - 50% More Squick

    Quote Originally Posted by Discord View Post
    Haley angst. :D

    There are many possibilities. Tsukiko may have been killed because V and Haley teaming up against her. Xykon may have decided to kill V as soon as he learned there was a wizard around as he hates wizards...
    I don't think I'd want to change anything major... This was more thinking about how the whole soul splice arc could be made to work even if there were two Vs running around. Having one of the V's be left behind would create more angst for everyone. Especially V.

    Quote Originally Posted by Discord View Post
    Kittens can slaughter dozens of commoners without breaking a sweat. Wizards without spells can't.

    I can easily see Xykon burning V's spellbook in front of her just to make a point about power.
    *typing fingers start to twitch*
    Last edited by Zanaril; 2009-11-19 at 12:51 PM.
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  5. - Top - End - #965
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    Default Re: Crack Pairings 3 - 50% More Squick

    YES! Muahahaha! If you don't have time to write, get someone else to do it for you! ^^
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  6. - Top - End - #966
    Titan in the Playground
     
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    Default Re: Crack Pairings 3 - 50% More Squick

    That was great, Masamune. Can't wait for the next one...

    If I get the chance, I'll write a crack pairing fic tonight after class. You guys want another chapter of V x Cain, or shall I take a crack at Celia x Thog?
    Anemoia: Nostalgia for a time you've never known.

  7. - Top - End - #967
    Barbarian in the Playground
     
    ClericGuy

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    Default Re: Crack Pairings 3 - 50% More Squick

    Quote Originally Posted by Zanaril View Post
    If you take away a wizard's spellbook and all their spell slots are used up, they're helpless as kittens, right?
    You mean helpless kittens like this?

    Quote Originally Posted by Discord View Post
    Kittens can slaughter dozens of commoners without breaking a sweat. Wizards without spells can't.
    Or that one angry housecat can slaughter one flying mage chick. Compair the tramp's battle damage from comic 520 to 522. Now thats an angry housecat!
    Your local Cleric.

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  8. - Top - End - #968
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    Default Re: Crack Pairings 3 - 50% More Squick

    Hey, Water-Smurf, does Tiasel trance or sleep?

  9. - Top - End - #969
    Barbarian in the Playground
     
    ClericGuy

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    Default Re: Crack Pairings 3 - 50% More Squick

    Quote Originally Posted by Lawyergoblin View Post
    Hey, Water-Smurf, does Tiasel trance or sleep?
    I can't answer for Water-Smurf, but Tiasel probably sleeps, just like a half-elf.
    Your local Cleric.

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  10. - Top - End - #970
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    Default Re: Crack Pairings 3 - 50% More Squick

    School stinks. Remind me why I have to go, again?

    Anyway, the plot fairy bestowed me with a plot bunny last night, in the form of MikoxHaley. I'm not entirely happy with it, but I can't find anything to change.

    Spoiler
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    There is a writing desk among the ruins of the once-great Azure City. It is almost, but not entirely, unlike a raven, with a scroll top that has rusted shut.

    Inside the permanently closed desk is a diary, the kind with a lock, the key to which is some 300 yards away, on a chain around the neck of half of a skeleton.

    Inside the diary is a sealed letter; the writing on the envelope is perfect and elegant. The letter is dated three days before the fall of Miko Miyazaki.


    ----

    I do not know why I am writing this letter. I start it knowing you will never read it, never even know that I have set pen to paper to express my feelings towards you. It is a frivolity, a useless expression of foolish sentiments. Yet here I am.

    When first I met you, I was struck by your beauty, but firm in my resolution to arrest you for the crimes committed by you and your party. But the knowledge that you are a thief and a common criminal did not keep you from my dream that night.

    In my dream, I had returned to the forest behind my childhood home, the monastery. I walked along the overgrown path, and you joined me, red hair loose on your shoulders. We did not speak, merely kept each other’s silent company, walking among the trees.

    From that night on, you became a fixture in my dreams, despite continually surfacing evidence that you are merely a lawless burglar with delusions of vitue. I could not understand my fixation with you, though my dreams were rapidly loosing their innocence, and often placed me in positions to compromise my virtue with you.

    Interestingly, it was Greenhilt’s clumsy attempts at romantic interaction with me that led me to my conclusion: I had fallen in love lust with you.

    How, I do not know. I cannot understand how, I, a paladin of unassailable virtue could feel an emotion other than contempt for a criminal such as yourself.

    I have prayed to the 12 Gods for guidance, and I have determined that they placed you in my path as a test. Only a true paladin could resist your charms seductive guile. It is my duty to cast you from my thoughts and renew my staggering devotion to the ways of Goodness and Law.

    You are merely a trial. This is what I want to believe, but it rings false even to myself. I have proven that I, Miko Miyazaki, am beyond temptation. I have proven my loyalty to the Gods by sacrificing my chance to confess my feelings to the one I love resisting your wicked ways. I do not understand why the Gods continue to torment me. I have lost my parents, and exist in isolation, even among my allies. Everything happens for a reason, and the great plans the Gods have for me are beyond my human understanding.

    My loyalty is without peer.


    Thoughts?

    ...And that is how I met your father.

  11. - Top - End - #971
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    Default Re: Crack Pairings 3 - 50% More Squick

    Wow. That was really deep. O.O I could actually imagine Miko writing something like that. You got her voice down. The crossed out lines are a nice stylistic device. Very impressive. :)
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  12. - Top - End - #972
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    CoffeeIncluded's Avatar

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    Default Re: Crack Pairings 3 - 50% More Squick

    I fully agree with Kaytara. Now back to studying for my English test...

  13. - Top - End - #973
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    Default Re: Crack Pairings 3 - 50% More Squick

    I did a new Tiasal based off Zanaril's






    with the SP generator, and viola!







    (Cheesemuncher, that was golden.)
    Last edited by BatRobin; 2009-11-19 at 05:53 PM.
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    Avatar by KwarkPudding!

  14. - Top - End - #974
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    Default Re: Crack Pairings 3 - 50% More Squick

    I protest at Julio Scoundrel. So far, almost everything he's been in is gay (except the one with Therkla). Also, as awesome as that was, it should be longer. Let's hear some other reactions.

    Anyway, I haven't written anything in a bit, and I feel a need to hurt Belkar. As such, I present the latest installment of the OoTS in what Girard's gate almost certainly won't be like.


    Oh, and I vote for Lee as the Tainted Love award.

    And here's why:
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    Morathi pulled herself upright, her half open silk robe trailing behind like a pale ghost. Her skin was luminous in the torchlight, as pale and ghostly as her robe.

    “It is time to leave.” She said. “You must return now.”

    Vaarsuvius rose unsteadily, spent after the days . “Will I see you again?”

    “I am to remain with you for a time.” Morathi replied. She was still enticing, disturbingly so, but the focus had shifted, becoming straight forward. “too watch over and guide you. And…other reasons.” Vaarsuvius felt a shiver of desire at the last words. “I am to act as your guide as you usher in a new age for your world.”

    “How am I to undertake that? It is a significant task.”

    “Use the gifts She Who Thirsts has given you.” Morathi replied, gesturing with a cruel smile.

    The elf looked down with horror and lifted a weak hand, to see dark grey, papery skin and pulsing black veins writhing like worms. The mages carefully manicured nails had become, while not quite talons, hard and sharp, black and shiny as the carapace of a beetle.

    Muttering a cantrip anxiously, Vaarsuvius staggered back when confronted with what should have been familiar features. Gaunt as a skull, totally fleshless, with wide, livid scarlet-eyes, a nose that was flat as a snake’s with slits for nostrils, and not only fangs but an entire row of thin, needle like teeth that barely fit together. A mane of purple hair fell down to the small of the back, in wild, heavy tangles, and a feral light shone in the eyes.

    “What have you done to me?”

    Morathi’s expression was chilling in its rapturous intensity. “Made you worthy.”

    * * * * *

    “You are a priest. You hold certain truths to be self-evident.” Odin said suddenly to the still awed dwarf. “But there are no permanent truths. Nothing, in the universe, or any other, is constant, just fragile structures in a sea of chaos. I exist here, and in other realms too. And many sit beyond my grasp all knowledge. I am a concept, sustained by belief, as is my son, and all the gods.” He spake. Durkon had once wondered what that type of tone was, but now he knew. It was a tone possessed by gods and the greatest of heroes for talking of things beyond the comprehension of most people.

    “Balance is important.” Odin continued. “So I can’t act directly. None of us can. Make no mistake, I need you.”

    “Ye’re askin’ me tae take tha wyrd ‘o ma friends on me shoulders.” Durkon said. As a cleric, he was more familiar with divinity then most people. He’d actually spoken to Thor a few times, when he’d first become a cleric, and when he’d cast Commune to ask Thor’s advice on dating outside the faith (Thor had taken one look at Lien and snapped him a high five). This was different.

    “No.” Odin replied, in a more normal tone, that could be used to describe less important things like the end of the world. “I want you to take the world on your shoulders.”

    “Why me?”

    “Not this.” Odin said, a gnarled hand rubbing his creased forehead. “Who else?” He said at last, his voice thick with complaint. “Why do you mortals always ask that? Who better? What does it matter?”

    Durkon fell silent.

    * * * *

    Roy had been walking for ten minutes when he became convinced he was being followed. At first he’d ignore it, but he began to catch glimpses, a flicker of something, but it was gone as soon as he tried to examine it.
    Turning, he jumped back when he saw a face inches from his own. He started, jumping back and grasping for his sword as the features swam in to focus.

    It was certainly a pretty face, the lips a bit too thin, the eyes inhumanly big, and more delicate then any human, or even elf, but as close to flawless as seemed within the bounds of mortal possibility. Creamy skin and platinum blond hair completed the picture, topping a build that was so slender it looked ready to snap under the slightest pressure. Delicate ears tapered into sharp points, and creamy skin like milk glowed even in the dark.

    “…Celia?” Roy said slowly, one eyebrow rising as he tried to make sense of it.

    “Hey there, handsome. I’m supposed to guide you. Basically, any Outsider with an interest and a claim of your loyalty gets summoned. I’d tell you more, ‘cept I don’t know myself.”

    Roy shook his head. “Oh no. No no no. This is an illusion, and if I believe it I’ll get killed or something. Not getting fooled so easily.”

    Celia sighed, and folded her arms beneath her breasts. “Roy, it’s really me.”

    Roy shook his head. “Prove it.” He said, with finality.

    Celia sighed. “You hate the big, dumb fighter archetype.”

    Roy shook his head. “Not going to cut it.”

    She sighed again. “When we kiss you curl your toes and make a soft gurgling noise at the back of your throat.”

    Roy blinked. “OK, that’s pretty good. Maybe you can read my mind…"

    Celia shook her head, took two steps forward and kissed him.

    It was a gentle, easy kiss, not insistent, her soft lips mashing with his, cracked and dry from thirst and the dessert. At last they pulled apart. Without consciously realizing it his hands had strayed into her hair and made a mess of it.

    “Good enough for me.” He said, and pulled her close to kiss her again.

    * * * * *

    Belial smiled down at the Halfling, still on his knees, a mean, sinister smile, that made Belkar tremble as his gaze grew wary. He wasn’t begging, or better, crying, yet. That would come later.

    “Belkar,” he said softly in his throaty, perfect voice. “You weren’t very polite to me a few seconds ago.”

    The ranger bit his lip, his eyes growing rounder. Belial continued.

    “In fact, you have been less then civil to me since I got here. Have you?”

    “I didn’t - “ Belkar began.

    “Don’t interrupt.” He said politely, correcting a minor mistake. “I went to all the trouble of finding you, and what happens? Coward, am I? Weak, am I?” His voice had risen as he spoke, and he was swelling, the muscles on his chest rippling as he expanded, towering until the small ivory horns poking above his flowing blond hair scraped the ceiling. Belkar was cowering back against the wall, his head ducked and a look of mournful wretchedness on his face.

    “Please’, it’s just that – “

    He shook his head mock sadly, dropping his voice again. “There really aren’t any excuses. Are there?”

    Belkar sniffled in response, trembling like a leaf in a gale.

    He leaned across the hall and stuck his beautiful face close to halflings, making his voice obscenely gentle.

    “Are there?”

    Tears had welled in his eyes and his lower lip was stuck out as he raised his eyes to the fallen angel’s, chin wobbling hopelessly.

    “I’m s-sorry,” he stammered, “it’s just I been so c-confused. I thought… I couldn’t remember. I d-din’t know w-what to do. Please, please don’t be mad at me.”

    He stared at him with wide, wet eyes for a long broken moment before lowering them, his shoulders sinking, his arms going limp. There was no mercy on Belial’s face. Nothing but a feral pleasure.

    “Do whatever you need to.” Belkar sniffled at last.

    Belial smiled, wide and bright.

    “I’m glad you understand.” He stroked the ranger’s shaved head gently for a second then slammed his other fist into his gut with bone shattering force.

    He barely made a sound as Belial kicked and punched him, knocking him onto the stone floor and rupturing muscle, organs and splitting bones. He desperately raised his arms at one point to cover his head, but Belial knocked them away easily, broke the left one in three places by stomping on it, and then slammed the halfling’s head into the wall a couple of times to make the point, leaving a gory smear. After that, Belkar just lay there, whimpering a little, but otherwise just keeping his eyes squeezed shut and his lips pressed tight together. Belial wasn’t getting a lot of enjoyment out of it – he felt oddly indifferent and detached, in fact. It wasn’t like other times when it was all for kicks (heh – literally!). The thing was, he wasn’t really angry at all. And the Halfling was already broken, there was no interest. Just the same, he knew the little ranger needed the discipline.

    Letting him think he was angry would probably make it more hurtful to the little bitch, he liked to think of how much he’d suffer, crying and hysterical, all alone, so keen and unrelenting was the pain of knowing he was angry at him, and how much he was going to pay for it, and not being able to do anything about it.

    So this way was easiest to make a short point. What did Belkar need to do for the punishment to stop, and Belial to forgive him? Why, whatever he asked. If he’d do anything, he could take a beating. Besides, Belkar needed the pain anyway, to remind him. Who he was. Who he belonged to.

    Mortals were all the same. Once you forced your way past the defiance, the resistance and the lies they told themselves, they opened up to you, and you owned them.

    He stopped before Belkar could fade out completely, sink into unconsciousness where the pain couldn’t reach him, then pinned the Halfling to the floor.

    Belkar opened his eyes and looked at the fallen angel with absolute surrender.

    It aroused him, and a second later he was inside the ranger and pounding for all he was worth.

    By the time he had finished, Belkar was a wreck. His limb thrashed weakly, twisted terribly and bones pressed against the skin, threatening to jut out. Each breath was a sickening, choking rattle, and he was lying in a pool of his own blood and urine.

    Worse, he was burning from the inside after Belial forced himself on him, the devil’s juices dissolving him, burning through skin and flesh like molten sand. Belial reaches between his legs, and grabs his testicles. He holds them for a moment, and then squeezes, until he feels the balls crush beneath the delicate skin.

    Belkar was at death’s door, yet still awake. The devil wouldn't let him blank out. Belial kicked him again on a whim, then flicked his fingers. Gradually, with agonizing slowness, muscles spasmed and twisted of their own accord, dragging his twisted, mangled body back into position with a crackle of sinew and bone. Belkar screamed and thrashed, his eyes wild with pain, but Belial’s terrible will prevented him from losing consciousness.

    “Now.” Belial said coldly as he worked his magic, indifferent to the halflings screams “We are about to take the gate. I want you to kill your leader, that simpleton, and the bitch. Oh, and kill the dwarf too. If you don’t, I will come back, and we will do this some more.”

    Belkar nodded anxiously.

    Not for those with a weak stomach. I really hate Belkar. Still, I feel I didn't let the creative part of my soul shine.
    Last edited by Cracklord; 2009-11-19 at 07:31 PM.
    Nadir We,
    Youth Born,
    Blood Letters,
    Axe Weilders,
    Victors Still.

  15. - Top - End - #975
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    Zanaril's Avatar

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    Quote Originally Posted by Cracklord View Post
    Not for those with a weak stomach. I really hate Belkar. Still, I feel I didn't let the creative part of my soul shine.
    Is it a bad thing that I've still read worse?

    The only problem with voting Lee for the 'Twisted Love' award is that 'love' doesn't feature anywhere in that relationship. #

    What's happened to V?
    Last edited by Zanaril; 2009-11-19 at 06:58 PM.
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  16. - Top - End - #976
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    Default Re: Crack Pairings 3 - 50% More Squick

    Yeah, that's more like...Getting off on sadism. Or something else really creepy.

    ...Okay, I do NOT want to know what Lee had a fetish for when he was alive...

  17. - Top - End - #977
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    Default Re: Crack Pairings 3 - 50% More Squick

    Quote Originally Posted by CoffeeIncluded View Post
    Yeah, that's more like...Getting off on sadism. Or something else really creepy.

    ...Okay, I do NOT want to know what Lee had a fetish for when he was alive...
    I'm not sure if Lee was ever actually alive, but if he was he probably started with writing horribly disturbing fanfiction, then worked his way up from there.
    This post may contain sarcasm.
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  18. - Top - End - #978
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    Default Re: Crack Pairings 3 - 50% More Squick

    ...So he was a crazed yaoi fangirl who probably never even heard of the words "Sex education"?

  19. - Top - End - #979
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    Default Re: Crack Pairings 3 - 50% More Squick

    ...Please tell me you actually based it on Lucifer...

  20. - Top - End - #980
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    Quote Originally Posted by CoffeeIncluded View Post
    Yeah, that's more like...Getting off on sadism. Or something else really creepy.

    ...Okay, I do NOT want to know what Lee had a fetish for when he was alive...
    He used to be an angel. The most pure and beautiful of the angels, who's songs were so beautiful they moved the authority herself to tears. Think on that.

    He realized that chaos, a fundamental part of being human, could never be controlled, and then thus left the possibility of evil, so he worked to suppress it. And nothing worked better then pain, sexual or otherwise. Debase them, hurt them and humiliate them enough, and they'll lose all identity, their will broken, and do anything you say.
    He was technically a good guy, until he was found out.

    I based my characterization on Edward Cullen.

    Quote Originally Posted by CoffeeIncluded View Post
    ...Please tell me you actually based it on Lucifer...
    God no. Lucifer is an articulate, complex individual. Edward is a handsome cardbord cutout who watches people a sixth of his age sleep, and acts as a controlling, abusive boyfriend. (I awoke covered in bruises after coitus. But he didn't mean to do it. He loves me.) I added in the sadism myself, and changed him from a vampire to a demon.

    And of course you've read worse, I still have to keep it under control a bit.

    Quote Originally Posted by Zanaril View Post
    What's happened to V?
    Basicly, V got offered immortality and the power never to have any problems again by a cult to Slaanesh. Imagine a hedonistic multiple rapist given all the powers of the Juedo-Christian deity.

    Morathi exploited V, and the elf agreed. But the IFCC had a backup plan thanks to Belial.

    For more information, read the rest of the installments.

    Quote Originally Posted by Lycan 01 View Post
    If I get the chance, I'll write a crack pairing fic tonight after class. You guys want another chapter of V x Cain, or shall I take a crack at Celia x Thog?
    I have given my vote many times.

    Quote Originally Posted by Zanaril View Post
    The only problem with voting Lee for the 'Twisted Love' award is that 'love' doesn't feature anywhere in that relationship. #
    Sure it does. Belial loves hurting Belkar.
    Last edited by Cracklord; 2009-11-19 at 07:29 PM.
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    Axe Weilders,
    Victors Still.

  21. - Top - End - #981
    Ettin in the Playground
     
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    Default Re: Crack Pairings 3 - 50% More Squick

    So far I have two potential candidates for the 'Tainted Love' award - Belial and ABD. Belial is obvious and quite frankly that last story made me feel physically sick Cracklord. As for ABD, well, we've all seen what she get's up to with V and anyone related to V...


    I would however like to start getting votes and suggestions for the "real" awards, you've seen the categories, so work with me people! Another demand, er, request - perhaps one of our artistically inclined Crack fiends could design a banner for these awards? I picture the "Squicky" looking something like one of these = = in gold on a wooden base of some sort.


    One final thing, for those hoping for a little more commentary regarding award winners, I have ideas in mind with regards to the first two awards and will feature in the next episode.

  22. - Top - End - #982
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    @ Cracklord: Clarification, please. Did V or the Slaneesh chick turn into a monster? I know V's hand changed, or was it hir whole body, too?

    Other than that, great update! I love the Durkon arc. Roy was interesting to hear from. Belkar... uh... Yeah, I skipped most of that.


    @ NotANinja: Now was that a suggestion, or a request? Because I think I know how to make that work, if you're interested...
    Anemoia: Nostalgia for a time you've never known.

  23. - Top - End - #983
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    Quote Originally Posted by Lycan 01 View Post
    @ Cracklord: Clarification, please. Did V or the Slaneesh chick turn into a monster? I know V's hand changed, or was it hir whole body, too?
    Morathi turned Vaarsuvius into a daemonhost for a Keeper of Secrets, yes.
    More on that, next update. Which will involve Celia and Elan dying (unfortunately), and Belkar dying (and there was much rejoicing. he gets to spend eternity with Belial).

    Then I have to write a Roy and Haley pairing, and a V and Zz'Dtri one as well. *Shudder*

    Tell me when it stops being coherent.
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  24. - Top - End - #984
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    Default Re: Crack Pairings 3 - 50% More Squick

    *sighs*

    I may drop off the radar for a while. I'm puttering out. Going through some rough stuff and, while it's therapeutic, I hate this wretched spawn masquerading as literature that I've been spewing for the past few days. It's not up to my standards. Characterization is screwed up. Plot line is mussed. Tiasal is one-dimensional and blank. V's canon kids have been butchered. I've turned V and Reddy into piles of goo. Every other phrase is awkward and stilted. It's all total crap. I'm sick of hating everything I make.

    I'm going to try to hold off on posting anything until I'm in an emotional state more fit for writing stuff good enough for people to see. I don't know how long that will take. I'm not sure it's going to happen at this point.

    Sorry to throw this downer out there, but I don't want anyone to have their hopes up.

    Spoiler
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    The April Squickies Award for Best Crack Pairing Story


    Thank you so much to Kaytara for the avatar! It's of Redcloak's and Vaarsuvius's love child.

  25. - Top - End - #985
    Titan in the Playground
     
    MindFlayer

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    Default Re: Crack Pairings 3 - 50% More Squick

    Anyone up for some more V x Cain?


    --- Chapter 5 ---


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    It hadn't taken long to find a Vox Unit. It just took awhile to actually get it working. It wasn't until Jurgen kicked it violently, as per the Cult of the Machine's usual rituals, that the radio set hummed to life. Commissar Cain had called in his location, and requested a Chimera Armored Personel Carrier to come pick him and his aide-de-camp up, and to bring fresh reinforcements to hold the line. The officer on the other end had informed him that they had no Chimeras or troops to spare, and he was frak out of luck. Upon mentioning that he'd captured an Eldar, Cain was rerouted through several command channels, and was eventually informed that he'd have a Chimera full of Storm Troopers within the hour.

    "I'm quite the bargaining chip, aren't I?" V quiped with a mixture of sarcasm, venom, and unadmitted pride. She found it a bit silly that everything changed at the mentioning that she was something she was not. It insulted her that she had to be treated a prisoner, and no one wanted to let her know why. But she did enjoy the fact that everyone made such a fuss about her. Sure, it would probably cause her a lot of trouble and annoyance in the near future, but it was nice to be recognized for her powers and abilities.

    "Yes. Yes, you are..." Cain smiled sheepishly. "My apologies for any insult, Miss... I'm sorry, I'm not sure I caught your name..." the Commissar mused, arching a tired eyebrow.

    "Vaarsuvius," V replied with pride. She closed her eyes cheerfully, which caused her to miss the expression on Cain's face as he struggled not to be enthralled by her alluring voice receiting such a beautiful name. "Master of the Arcane, and Wizard for the Order of the Stick." A sudden thought crossed her mind. What was the Order up to right now, without her?

    ---

    "Okay folks, lets make sure we've got this right..." Roy sighed, looking around the campfire at the rest of the Order. He then placed his finger on a clipboard he'd scribbled notes on. "V didn't cast any spells, right?"

    "Aye," Durkon nodded. "She was just sittin' there, and she looked like he was about to make a joke."

    "So not only is the group split, again, but I also missed a chance to make fun of the elf for sucking at humor?" Belkar growled, his annoyance growing into anger. "PISS!!"

    "So he just dissappeared without warning..." Roy mused. "Well, I'm no expert, but I'm pretty sure you can't just summon people to your location with normal magic. I'm certain you can only send yourself to them..."

    "But she didn't cast any teleportation spells!" Haley whined. "That's what doesn't make sense!"

    "Didn't she say something about a constant-affect spell?" Elan suddenly looked up from the new clown puppet he was making. "That would zap him straight to your location?"

    "But we're right here!" Haley and Belkar both growled.

    "Aye," Durkon's eyes suddenly went wide. "But she said she cast the spell for anyone who fit your description!"

    "So if two people who fell under the terms of what she cast the spell for found themselves in dire straights..." Roy closed his eyes, astounded by how much trouble this fully meant, "She'd be zapped straight to their location, wherever it may be."

    Dead silence followed. Belkar was the first to finally speak. "PISS!!"

    ---

    "Sooooo... Let me get this straight..." Cain scratched his chin, pondering deeply. Jurgen sat nearby, entering information into a data-slate. "You're from another plane of existance?"

    "Indeed," Vaarsuvius nodded, matter-o-factly. "Or so I think..."

    "Where everything is regulated and hinges on rules and "rolls" to determine the outcome of most actions?"

    "You are correct, Mister Commissar."

    "Actually, its Commissar Cain. At any rate... So you're a member of the Order of the Stick, a band of adventuring thieves, entertainers, warriors, holy men, and psychopaths?"

    "Essentially..."

    "And you're working together to close several portals which allow a world-eating force of Chaos entrance into your reality?"

    "That is our current goal, yes."

    "And there are several forces of evil standing in your way, trying to kill you, corrupt you, or otherwise stop you from saving existance?"

    "Specifically, an army of goblinoid creatures, an undead abomination, traitorous humans, and people who take their faith to the extreme and beyond."

    "Why does some of this sound oddly familiar?" Cain mused, removing his cap and scratching at his short dark hair. A sudden thought crossed Cain's mind. Vaarsuvius had used Warpcraft several times since she'd arrived - but she'd been near Jurgen when using some of it! Which was impossible, since Warpcraft was blocked out when in his viscinity! It nearly floored him as the depth of its meaning forced itself into his mind. He pointed at V, and then at Jurgen. "If you don't mind, please stand next to him."

    V looked at Cain, and then at Jurgen, and then back at Cain. She wanted to protest, not because it was pointless, but because she didn't have a Fortitude Save to rely on. But she decided to just go along with it, to see what he was planning. She cautiously approached Jurgen, who didn't even seem to notice her inching closer. Finally, she stopped just within touching distance of the Imperial Guardsman, as that is as far as her nose would allow her to go without trying to secceed from her face. "Alright, Commissar," she stressed his title with a hint of sarcasm, having been slightly annoyed by his earlier correction, "Now what?"

    "Do what you did earlier," Cain shrugged. "Clean your robes. Please," he added, not wanting to get immolated by a frakked-off Eldar.

    Vaarsuvius arched an eyebrow, and then looked down at her feet. The hem of her robe was stained with mud, so she simply pointed down and made it spotless again with a mutterance of "Prestidigitation."

    "Fascinating!" Cain gasped. She could still practice Warpcraft while in close proximity to Jurgen. Which should have been impossible, since Jurgen's existance as a Blank cancelled out Warp Energy within a certain range of himself. Which, by extension... meant she wasn't channeling the Warp. Or at least, that was the most logical explaination.

    "If cheap parlor tricks are that shocking to you," Vaarsuvius sighed, "I'm worried to see what these Psykers and Inquisitors you speak about are capable of..."

    ---

    "Okay, so let me get this straight..." Roy grumbled, slapping his forehead with the palm of his hand, "We've been at this for hours, and the best we've come up with... is... Elan, repeat it once again, just so I can fully grasp it."

    "We find some people with the last names Bitterleaf and Starshine, and then push 'em off a cliff!" Elan grinned.

    "Okay, seriously, Mister Nice Guy came up with that before I did?" Belkar growled angrily. "WHAT IS THIS, MY OWN PERSONAL HELL!?"

    "Belkar has a point, sweetie..." Haley frowned. "That is kinda... Chaotic Evil."

    "No, not at all!" Elan replied cheerfully. "It'll be perfect! V said she'd be summoned to save Miss Starshine and Mister Bitterleaf, so if we throw people with those names off of a cliff..."

    "V will haf ta show up an' rescue them!" Durkon exclaimed. "That actu'lly makes sense, boy!"

    "Yep!" Elan nodded happily. "And it'll be all dramatic, too! The perfect suspenceful moment - two innocent people falling to their deaths, and the hero showing up at the last second to save them! It'll be amazing!"

    "I can't believe I'm saying this..." Roy groaned, rubbing his eyes to cope with the insanity, "But lets go with Elan's idea..."

    "Looks like ol' Grandpaw Bitterleaf is going to be getting a visit at the retirement center," Belkar grinned fiendishly.

    --- End Chapter 5 ---





    ---


    *gives Water-Smurf a hug*

    Do whatever you feel like you need to do.



    @ NotANinja: Alrighty, I might take a crack at it. Although, if you want to be reeeeally cracky, you might want somebody else to do it. I can throw the plot line out there, and maybe somebody will pick it up... Or I can just write it out, if you'd prefer.

    @ Cracklord: Okay then.
    Last edited by Lycan 01; 2009-11-19 at 09:33 PM.
    Anemoia: Nostalgia for a time you've never known.

  26. - Top - End - #986
    Colossus in the Playground
     
    CoffeeIncluded's Avatar

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    Default Re: Crack Pairings 3 - 50% More Squick

    No, when I said "Lucifer", it's because I absolutely DESPISE Twilight.

    ...Oh...*Hugs Water-Smurf*
    Last edited by CoffeeIncluded; 2009-11-19 at 09:38 PM.

  27. - Top - End - #987
    Ogre in the Playground
     
    Cracklord's Avatar

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    Default Re: Crack Pairings 3 - 50% More Squick

    Quote Originally Posted by CoffeeIncluded View Post
    No, when I said "Lucifer", it's because I absolutely DESPISE Twilight.

    ...Oh...*Hugs Water-Smurf*
    Marry me.

    Water smurf, you're being too hard on yourself. This is fun, not serious. While I've produced some nice descriptions, most of the stuff I've secreted on this site is terrible. It's not supposed to be serious, it's something you do to for fun, or abject cruelty (in my case).

    If you insist, well, I'll miss you.

    Lycan, I liked it, but not quite up to your earlier standard. Your descriptions could still use a little work, and Cain is a bit less in character, but it's still engaging.
    Nadir We,
    Youth Born,
    Blood Letters,
    Axe Weilders,
    Victors Still.

  28. - Top - End - #988
    Colossus in the Playground
     
    CoffeeIncluded's Avatar

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    Default Re: Crack Pairings 3 - 50% More Squick

    Uhm, I don't think I'm legal for another two years...

    And Water-Smurf, you're one of the best writers on here. (No offense to anyone else.) You could make the Twilight series decent.
    Last edited by CoffeeIncluded; 2009-11-19 at 09:53 PM.

  29. - Top - End - #989
    Titan in the Playground
     
    MindFlayer

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    Default Re: Crack Pairings 3 - 50% More Squick

    Yeah, I know. I realized it wasn't great when I finished writing it, but I guess its because I'm too distracted or something right now... When I get the chance, I'll go back and rework it. I doubt I could do much with it right now...


    Don't feel too bad, Water-Smurf. Just because one project doesn't work out, doesn't mean you should completely quit writing altogether. If you feel like you can't do anything big and serious, just do short, silly, and/or squicky.

    NotANinja could use a writer (better than me) for that Miko x Tsukiko pairing they requested, you know...
    Anemoia: Nostalgia for a time you've never known.

  30. - Top - End - #990

    Default Re: Crack Pairings 3 - 50% More Squick

    Quote Originally Posted by Water-Smurf View Post
    *snip*
    I'm not quite sure how to react to this, so I'll give reactions.

    Supportive
    Don't worry Water-Smurf, we all get into the 'I hate all my work' phase. I've been in it for the past several months now.

    The break may help, but who knows. Just remember; we're all friends here, if you need any help.

    Semi-Serious, a bit abrasive, and a bit argumental (for lack of a good word) - a bit longer, spoilered for length and excessive quote breaking-up.
    Spoiler
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    Quote Originally Posted by Water-Smurf View Post
    *sighs*

    I may drop off the radar for a while. I'm puttering out. Going through some rough stuff and, while it's therapeutic, I hate this wretched spawn masquerading as literature that I've been spewing for the past few days.
    Sorry to hear you're going through some bad times. That's no reason to not give yourself the full credit you deserve for the masterpiece you've made so far.

    Quote Originally Posted by Water-Smurf View Post
    It's not up to my standards. Characterization is screwed up.
    They seem spot-on to me.

    Quote Originally Posted by Water-Smurf View Post
    Plot line is mussed.
    Well, you see further than I do, so you might notice something I don't, but I don't see any problems with the plot.


    Quote Originally Posted by Water-Smurf View Post
    Tiasal is one-dimensional and blank.
    I don't think so, but even if she, I don't really blame her, never knowing her parents and all.

    Quote Originally Posted by Water-Smurf View Post
    V's canon kids have been butchered.
    Again, I don't think so. We haven't really seen much of them, and they've grown up a lot (probably gone through elf-puberty too), so it's near-impossible to butcher them.

    Quote Originally Posted by Water-Smurf View Post
    I've turned V and Reddy into piles of goo.
    Not quite sure what you mean here. If it's characterization you're talking about, I disagree. If you mean then it's devolved into "I love you" "No, I love you", then I'd also disagree and say that at least it'd be cute.

    Quote Originally Posted by Water-Smurf View Post
    Every other phrase is awkward and stilted.
    I don't think it's been awkward at all.

    Quote Originally Posted by Water-Smurf View Post
    It's all total crap. I'm sick of hating everything I make.
    I really don't think it's total crap, but I can kind of see where you're coming from. I utterly detest most of what I write, and think it's all unworthy to wipe the bottom of the unholiest being in existence. We all go through that at times.

    Quote Originally Posted by Water-Smurf View Post
    I'm going to try to hold off on posting anything until I'm in an emotional state more fit for writing stuff good enough for people to see. I don't know how long that will take. I'm not sure it's going to happen at this point.
    Sorry to hear you won't be posting anything new, I really do love your stories. That said, your health (emotional or physical) is more important than the stories, so make sure to take as long as you need, and then take some more time after that, alright?


    Either way, I hope things get better for you, and I think I speak for all of us, the entire community, not just the CP community, when I say that we're here if you ever need somebody to talk to.

    {Sorry if this post comes off as rude, rambly, jerk-ish, or anything like that.

    Tired posting is about as dangerous as drunk posting, and maybe I'll regret posting this in the morning. I dunno.}
    Last edited by The Dark Fiddler; 2009-11-19 at 10:06 PM.
    It's been a bit, GitP. If you're reading this, you're either digging through old stuff, or I've posted for the first time in forever.

    If you want to stay in touch, reach out to me on twitter (same username).

    The best answer is always to ask your DM.
    Unless you're the DM, in which case you should talk to your players.

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