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  1. - Top - End - #1231
    Ogre in the Playground
     
    Kaytara's Avatar

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    Default Re: Crack Pairings 3 - 50% More Squick

    Quote Originally Posted by silversaraph View Post
    We give thanks by killing animals and Wal-Mart employees at a slightly faster rate than usual.

    Yep, that's America.
    You know what's REALLY funny?

    The fact that the Russian word for 'turkey' ('indeika') is almost identical and in fact has the same root as the Russian word for 'Indian' ('indeietz').

    Talk about amusing coincidences.

    Water-Smurf, chilling as usual. Dark!Tiasal is eerily reminiscent of Darth!Vaarsuvius. :D
    Last edited by Kaytara; 2009-11-27 at 12:07 PM.
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    My old OotS fanart
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  2. - Top - End - #1232
    Barbarian in the Playground
     
    Taekwondodo's Avatar

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    Default Re: Crack Pairings 3 - 50% More Squick

    *Waves to attract attention*

    Quote Originally Posted by Taekwondodo View Post
    Aha! I changed the story and managed to come up with something. It's not very good and kind of hurried but here it is anyway...

    GS Windstriker x Argent
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    Her pale skin, her long, dark, impossibly glossy mane of hair; from the first moment he saw her, he knew he was in love. Day after day he would imagine their life together; laughing, swapping stories into the early morning, snuggling in front of a roaring fire in winter, growing old together. Without her he could not see a future, but she didn’t seem to realise. He could never screw up the courage to ask her out, they were so different from each other, but she was to set out to the Dwarven lands tomorrow and who knew when she would return. Something had to be done.

    X X X

    “Or, you know... we could just make out later...”

    Miko returned to her quarters, dejected, after failing to find anyone who wished to celebrate New Year’s with her. She could summon Windstriker she guessed, the extra food did need to be eaten.

    “I summon, Windstriker.” She called and her celestial horse materialised before her.

    “Hey girl,” she murmured taking off its tack, “looks like it’s just you and me again this year.”

    Windstriker shook her head.

    “No? Why?”

    The white horse walked across the room and butted her nose against the door.

    “You’re going out?” Nod. “With someone?” Nod. “Who?”

    Unable to answer that without words the horse merely shrugged.

    “Well... Have a nice time I guess.”

    Hearing the disappointment in Miko’s voice Windstriker stopped a moment to nuzzle her shoulder then turned and left.

    X X X

    He was already waiting, looking worried, when she arrived at the restaurant.

    “Hi.” She said shyly, coming up to the table.

    He looked up at her and a brilliant smile lit his face.

    “You came!” he exclaimed. “I wasn’t sure you were going to but you did!”

    She laughed at his exuberance.

    “Calm down, I said yes didn’t I?”

    The waitress came and when she had left with their order Windstriker started to speak again.

    “I know I might sometimes seem to be a bit cold and distant but I was really glad when you asked me out because...I really like you too Argent.”

    X X X

    “Can I have your croutons?” asked Elan. He reached over to take them and looked over the booth partition.

    “Aww, look!” he enthused.

    “Mkhc?” asked Haley, her head coming up off the table and looking round.

    “There’s a horse and a wolf rubbing noses over there. They must be in love!” he gasped.

    Haley stared for a moment then returned her head to her hands, muttering darkly.
    Poor Tiasal... That does seem to be all that I can reply to your updates just now, Water-Smurf, but then what more needs to be said? The fact that Xykon (Snarl releasing, world destroying, attention of a goldfish lich) has become,to her, the lesser evil just...poor Tiasal...

    (Heh, dragon skin undies!)
    Avatar by me...yup that's how good my drawing is. As in not very good.

    Crack-Pairings, Not Dead Just Moved. Someone Hasn't Been Looking In The Right Places.


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    Quote Originally Posted by Caleniel View Post
    Taekwondodo - your nick and your avatar are terrific. I want to award you something... how about enough melons to see you through the next ice age?

  3. - Top - End - #1233
    Orc in the Playground
     
    Sewblon's Avatar

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    frown Re: Crack Pairings 3 - 50% More Squick

    It is unlikely that I will ever finish this story, since my heart just isn't in it anymore, but it might as well live here where it may inspire some one else.

    Spoiler
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    Redcloak+Xykon. Part 1


    Xykon was still seething over the loss of his phylactery. Worse yet in his rage he had alienated the only creature he could ever confide in, Redcloak. He remembered when he told Tsukiko he was not a biofeliac, and how he was lucky to be a good liar. Redcloak was sulking in his quarters that the closest thing he had to a friend, Xykon, had accused him of letting him down, and worse that he was right. Xykon wanted to make things right with Redcloak, but he did not have the courage to confront him, or forgive him. Xykon wandered his fortress, his skull hung low with despair, till he chanced upon the monster in the darkness, who asked “what’s the matter Xykon?” “I uh, I did something bad to someone I care about, and now I don’t know how to fix it.” “Did you say you were sorry?” “No” “If you say that you are sorry, the person will understand.” “I guess it’s worth a shot.” Xykon opened the door to Redcloak’s quarters.
    Last edited by Sewblon; 2009-11-27 at 05:29 PM.
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    It is a tale told by an idiot, full of sound and furry, signifying nothing. But enough about your story of your first child's death, you could all use an update on my problems.

    To who ever starts another thread about Belkar's death, To the last I grapple with thee... from Hell's heart I stab at thee... For hate's sake I spit my last breath at thee.

    Dread Cthulu wills that "Belkar-style lip-based assault" shall enter popular parlance! Remember kids, when in doubt, set something on fire.

  4. - Top - End - #1234
    Ogre in the Playground
     
    Zanaril's Avatar

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    Default Re: Crack Pairings 3 - 50% More Squick

    Quote Originally Posted by Taekwondodo View Post
    *Waves to attract attention*
    It was too cute not to draw.

    This post may contain sarcasm.
    DeviantArt

  5. - Top - End - #1235
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    Closak's Avatar

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    Default Re: Crack Pairings 3 - 50% More Squick

    He...made underwear out of her tail?

    WTF!?
    The guy has some nerve...


    Ah well *Casts Powerword: AGONY on a random paladin*

    *Laughs as the paladin writhes on the ground in as much pain as is physically possible.



    Powerword: AGONY is a spell that activates every single pain receptor in the targets body at once and then keeps them from passing out.

    Yes, i'm mean.
    Casting that spell on random people is my way of blowing off some steam.
    At least it doesn't kill them, that's always something right?
    Last edited by Closak; 2009-11-27 at 05:57 PM.

  6. - Top - End - #1236
    Ogre in the Playground
     
    Zanaril's Avatar

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    Default Re: Crack Pairings 3 - 50% More Squick

    Quote Originally Posted by Closak View Post
    Casting that spell on random people is my way of blowing off some steam.
    At least it doesn't kill them, that's always something right?
    Sorry, did you say something? I can't hear you over the unearthly screams of this paladin over here. He seems to be trying to commit suicide with his bare hands.
    This post may contain sarcasm.
    DeviantArt

  7. - Top - End - #1237
    Banned
     
    Closak's Avatar

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    Default Re: Crack Pairings 3 - 50% More Squick

    Aww, what's up paladin dude? Want me to put you out of your misery?

    Yes? Very well then *Swallows the paladin whole after removing all his weapons*

    *Burps*


    Silly paladins, think they are better than everyone else, well that show them.

  8. - Top - End - #1238
    Orc in the Playground
     
    Meg's Avatar

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    Default Re: Crack Pairings 3 - 50% More Squick

    Quote Originally Posted by Zanaril View Post
    Sorry, did you say something? I can't hear you over the unearthly screams of this paladin over here. He seems to be trying to commit suicide with his bare hands.
    Poor guy.

    ...And that is how I met your father.

  9. - Top - End - #1239
    Titan in the Playground
     
    Silverraptor's Avatar

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    Default Re: Crack Pairings 3 - 50% More Squick

    Quote Originally Posted by Closak View Post
    Aww, what's up paladin dude? Want me to put you out of your misery?

    Yes? Very well then *Swallows the paladin whole after removing all his weapons*

    *Burps*


    Silly paladins, think they are better than everyone else, well that show them.
    Generally they are since they are more respected then the scum evil characters they kill.
    My own webcomic. Idiosyncrasy.
    Paladin Academy: Chapter 2 Part 28

    *Avatar by Me*

  10. - Top - End - #1240
    Ettin in the Playground
     
    The Succubus's Avatar

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    Default Re: Crack Pairings 3 - 50% More Squick

    Quote Originally Posted by Closak View Post
    Aww, what's up paladin dude? Want me to put you out of your misery?

    Yes? Very well then *Swallows the paladin whole after removing all his weapons*

    *Burps*


    Silly paladins, think they are better than everyone else, well that show them.
    Indeed they are. Paladins are high in both fibre and iron and represent an important part of a healthy black dragon's diet.

  11. - Top - End - #1241
    Banned
     
    Closak's Avatar

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    Default Re: Crack Pairings 3 - 50% More Squick

    Indeed, and they are tasty too.

    *Curls up and falls asleep*

  12. - Top - End - #1242
    Orc in the Playground
     
    Meg's Avatar

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    Default Re: Crack Pairings 3 - 50% More Squick

    For some unfathomable reason, I got a plot bunny from the "Killing A Random Paladin" exchange. Sometimes I worry about myself, but who am I to refuse the whims of my apparently deranged muse?

    Spoiler
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    Some days, things just seemed to go wrong. Today was one of them. As if waking up late for work wasn’t bad enough, another round of layoffs had been announced, and Jeff The Random Paladin just wasn’t sure his luck was going to see him through this time. Plus his kid needed braces, the dog had worms again, the roof was leaking, and his athlete’s foot had come back. And then there was the dragon.

    Jeff really wasn’t sure what he had done to offend it, but he had been standing there, wishing there was a convenient way to scratch his feet through his armor, when it had come up, and cast a spell on him. He wasn’t sure exactly what it had cast on him, and that didn’t really matter a few seconds later, because by that point he was writhing on the ground, screaming, and attempting to strangle himself to end the pain.

    The worst thing about the pain was that he retained his consciousness. It seemed to him that pain this excruciating should rob him of all understanding of anything other than his twitching body. And yet he was aware of everything around him. Not just aware, but hyper-aware. For one, the dragon was watching smugly and saying something to its companions, who were either laughing or sighing heavily and grabbing spatulas, which would presumptuously be used to scrape his remains off the floor and into a mason jar, which would be returned to his widow with a sticky-note with “Sorry :(“ written on it. That was not a comforting thought.

    But it would be his last thought, because next thing he knew, he was in the dragon’s mouth, and only a few moments later, dead.

    This would be upsetting to anyone, and Jeff was part of everyone. But he didn’t have time to dwell on the unsettling events surrounding his untimely demise, because a very beautiful dwarfish woman was kneeling over him.

    “Is this heaven?” he asked.

    “No,” said the woman matter-of-factly. “This is a plane of judgment. I take it you’re recently dead.”

    “I am. Eaten by a dragon.”

    “Tough luck. I’m Hilgya. What’s your name?”

    “Jeff,” said Jeff.

    “Any hope for a rez?”

    “Not sure. I was a paladin, but not exactly high-ranking, and its not like I was killed in the line of duty, and I’ve got three kids to put through college, and my oldest needs braces, and...” Hilgya shushed him by placing one cool finger against his mouth.

    “Shhh... You had me at ‘paladin.’ Let’s have sex.”

    “What?”

    “It’s not like there’s anything else to do. Besides, your marriage vows clearly state ‘til death,’ and we’re beyond that, far as I can tell.”

    “But...But...But I’m a paladin!”

    Hilgya shrugged. “And I’m a cleric. We’re dead and stuck in a waiting room. I mean, look around. Seriously.” For the first time, Jeff looked around, and noted that indeed, almost everyone was either in the middle of the no-pants dance, or standing around, blushing scarlet. Jeff blushed scarlet.

    “I see. You’re one of the blushers. Well, nothing I can do there. Bye.” With that, Hilgya walked out of his death, leaving a befuddled Jeff scratching his head.

    When Jeff was raised a few days later, he decided against mentioning the incident to his wife. There were just some things she didn’t need to know.

    ...And that is how I met your father.

  13. - Top - End - #1243
    Ogre in the Playground
     
    Raging Gene Ray's Avatar

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    Default Re: Crack Pairings 3 - 50% More Squick

    How long has Hilgya been dead...and how many Jeff's has she gone through? How many Heavy Bazookas have blasted her Uncontrollable Sphere?
    Last edited by Raging Gene Ray; 2009-11-27 at 08:22 PM.

  14. - Top - End - #1244
    Dwarf in the Playground
     
    Thor Person Guy's Avatar

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    Default Re: Crack Pairings 3 - 50% More Squick

    Quote Originally Posted by Water-Smurf View Post
    Thank you to everyone. Really. Every scrap of acknowledgement feels very nice these days.



    Believe me, if it was rape, I would have made it much clearer that I did. He beat her with a belt, but between you and me and anyone else who clicks spoilers,
    Spoiler
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    he wanted to rape her the whole time.
    Must...resist...urge to...strangle...computer...


    Think of having artisan chocolates right on the kitchen counter but not being allowed to have them because your sibling is saving them and you'll have an inkling of how frustrated he is right now.
    That's a suspiciously specific denial description, isn't it?

    Anyway, I'm a little stuck with the RC/V story (it's not coming out how I want it to! Damn it!), so I'm going to post another chapter for PM.

    Spoiler
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    “Uncle, why can’t you touch me?”

    Uncle looked up at the little girl straddling a tree branch several feet off the ground, frowning a little with his arms crossed. “I don’t need to touch you to say that you’re going too high on that tree for my liking.”

    “That didn’t answer my question.” Nonetheless, Tiasal obliged and slipped to a lower branch.

    “Would you believe me if I said that I was a ghost?” Uncle leaned against the tree, staying watchful for any sign that Tiasal would fall.

    “Yes.”

    He tilted his head to the side, a smile flickering over his lips. “Then I am.”

    She looked down at him, shimmying up the branch to the trunk of the tree. “I don’t want you to be dead.”

    Frankly, Uncle was surprised that she was still talking, but he gladly took it in stride. “Well, it happened a long time ago. I was a little bitter about it at first, but you come to terms with stuff like that. I’m with most of my family now. All I have to worry about is my family still down here, like you and my brother.”

    “Why do you worry about me?” Tiasal slipped to another lower branch, her claws dragging in the wood and keeping her steps secure.

    “You’re my niece. Family.” He smiled, a playful twinkle in his eye. “It was about time that I got a niece or nephew anyway. I had to wait nearly half a century for it. It’s supposed to be my job to spoil you rotten while my brother scolds me and tries to bring you up right.” There was a pause. “I love you, you know. Just incase I haven’t said that before.”

    Tiasal looked down at his face, and slowly, a smile broke, her eyes looking just a little more glassy than usual. “I love you too, Uncle.”

    He dipped his head, smiling but embarrassed. “Come on down here before you give me a heart attack. I already died once—I don’t want to do it again.”

    She smiled and nodded, sliding down the tree and landing gently on the ground. She didn’t talk again that day. All that she had needed said had been said.

    She was happy.

    ---

    Tiasal stayed on her knees, careful to keep from sitting down on the pain that had come back in full force, and scrubbed the hot tears off of her face. Betrayal cut far too deep. How could Un… Right-Eye do this to her? She thought that she could read people. She thought that he loved her. She thought that he didn’t care that she was a hybrid.

    She was wrong.

    Was she just as wrong about everyone else? Abram? Terentius? Octavius? Haley? Elan? Aarindarius? All of her guardians?

    Of course she was just as wrong.

    They all hated her.

    The idea of being hated for her species was so abstract a few mere hours ago. Besides a couple of racist comments from Octavius, she never really understood that there was even an issue about it.

    But now…

    Now it was her very blood that turned her father’s family away from her. She could only assume that it was the same for her mother’s family.

    The pain in her heart was much sharper and longer-lasting than any physical wound the so-called ‘Master’ could inflict. She would never let this happen to her again. Never.

    And she knew the one person who wouldn’t do it to her.

    She shakily stood up, leaning on the wall for support and stifling soft pained whimpers, ignoring the sleeping children around her. She could feel the eyes of those few awake following her. She didn’t care. Impulse had grasped her tightly, and she wasn’t going to struggle against it.

    Tiasal staggered quietly to the door, pushing it open. The cleric’s beatings must have inspired deep fear in the children. He had left the door unlocked.

    There were weird sounds coming from the door across the common room, presumably the cleric’s room. Groans, cries, and whimpers came from it. Besides a curious glance, she paid it no mind. She walked out of the common room into the hallway.

    Her eyes started to glow a soft yellow again. She didn’t know why, but she had an inkling.

    The glow suddenly made finding her goal easier. It was still difficult to walk—her movement seemed to have irritated the pain—but she didn’t give any indication of it. She walked down the corridor and pushed a door, emanating soft light in her new sight, open.

    “Huh? Hey, isn’t it past your bedtime, you little brat?”

    The woman that had kidnapped Tiasal and the lich were sitting across from each other in comfortable arm chairs, holding cards in their hands and a pile between them. The woman’s hair was just as lank and black as before, but now that Tiasal had a chance to look closer, she saw that the woman had a tattoo of a skeletal dragon running up the side of her face.

    The lich slowly put his cards on the table face-down. “Your eyes are glowing, by the way.”

    Tiasal shook her head, blinking, and the glow disappeared. The world became dull again.

    “You’re a sorcerer.”

    She nodded tentatively, vague about the definition of a sorcerer. Aarindarius had only said that a sorcerer was someone who was born with magic and didn’t need to learn it.

    She didn’t know if she was a sorcerer for sure, but she figured that Xykon would know better than she did.

    “Huh. Well, at least you’re not a snobby prick like your mom.”

    The woman scowled, leaning forward and glaring at the girl. “Hey, bastard child, go back to bed before I decide that I should pay you back for the ‘nearly biting half my arm off’ incident.”

    Fear tightened Tiasal’s chest. Common sense told her to at least try to sleep on her feelings before doing something rash like this. She should turn around. Sleep. Wait for someone to save her.

    She mentally replayed the scene she had just witnessed in the other planes.

    Her resolve hardened in her stomach.

    “I’m not interested in talking to you,” Tiasal murmured softly, voice raspy and harsh. The woman jerked a little in surprise and the little green girl looked up at the lich. “I want to talk to Xykon.”

    “She speaks!” The lich held his arms up dramatically, ignoring the infuriated Theurge across from him. “I was beginning to wonder if that crazy cleric decided to cut out your tongue or something. Actually, that wouldn’t be so surprising. He’s a little sick in the head, if you know what I mean.” The lich slowly got up from his seat, the black sapphires on his neck twinkling in the firelight. His red eyes bored into her, mouth frozen in a grin, and Tiasal suddenly realized that he had known what she was going to do from the moment he saw her.

    The revelation left her a little unnerved, but there was no turning back.

    “Necromancer chick, I think you should go to bed.”

    The woman looked up, her mouth moving to protest, but she stayed silent, her eyes fixed on the little girl and lich. She saw that they already had a connection that she would never have with the object of her affections. Within two days, a little upstart goblin had become the favorite again. It was Redcloak all over.

    The bastard had stolen her lich again.

    She clenched her fists and stalked out.

    The lich slowly crossed his arms, still staring at the little girl. “You know, your father made a deal with me. He regretted it.”

    “He trusted you to stay in his control.” Tiasal tilted her head to the side, keeping eye-contact. “I trust you to be honest.”

    The lich smirked, letting out a soft hollow chuckle. “You’re so cute. Playing around with fire when you should still just be playing with toy blocks, just like your dad.” He slowly knelt down in front of her so their eyes were level, one phalange coming up and grabbing a handful of her tangled hair. “So, what do you want?”

    Tiasal steadied her erratic heartbeat, keeping her eyes free of fear and ignoring the pain in her scalp. She replayed her so-called ‘family’s words over and over in her head until it became a mantra. No turning back now. “I want to work for you.”

    He let out a hollow laugh. “Oh really?” He untangled his hand from her hair. “You’re too low a level for me to use as anymore than cannon fodder. But you’re Reddy’s kid and you’re a sorcerer, so I think I can use you.”

    He leaned forward, perpetually grinning mouth just next to her rigid pointy ear. “What do you think that you’d do for me?”

    She calmed her heartbeat.

    “This can work for us.”

    “He’ll always hate you.”


    “You want me around to hurt my father. To show him his own flaws and racism. And you want me to be a tool to control him.” Tiasal turned her head slightly to see the lich’s eye sockets, staying calm. “I can do that.”

    The black sapphires gleamed teasingly. The lich cocked his head, staring at the girl, then let out a chuckle. “Huh. Can’t put one past you, can I?” He ran a bony finger through her hair, forcing her to stifle shivers. “So you would help me tie your father’s hands and bend him to my will. Why?”

    “You told the truth.”

    The lich… Xykon… slowly straightened, frozen grin thrown in relief from the fire. “You’re a cold little brat, aren’t you? Turning on your father because I was the only one to say that he hated you?”

    “He sired me. He saved me from you the day I was born.” She crossed her arms slowly, steeling herself. There was no turning back. There had been no turning back from the moment her father made the first deal with Xykon. “I don’t owe him anything past that.”

    Xykon let his arms hang loosely at his sides, a smirk emanating from his frozen face. “I like you.”

    Her eyes remained cool. “The feeling isn’t mutual.”

    “I didn’t think it was.” Xykon gestured to the door. “Go and get some sleep. Now that your magic has started acting up, you’ll notice little bursts. I’m sure you can figure it out on your own.” His grin seemed to grow. “I did.”

    He went back to his chair. “I’ll teach you a few tricks. The idea of a kid being able to blast people with fireballs and lightning bolts is too funny to pass up. Come here around noon tomorrow. Oh, and if the crazy cleric tries to do anything to your ‘special place,’ I suggest biting him.”

    She blinked in confusion.

    “You’ll understand at some point. Go to bed.”

    Tiasal hesitated, fully realizing the magnitude of the supposedly innocuous conversation she had just had, before she turned around and left.

    She didn’t owe anything to Redcloak, Vaarsuvius, or Right-Eye. They owed her for leaving her in the situation she was in.

    With that thought, she locked away her fear and shame.


    Happy Thanksgiving to all.
    Wow.

    I'm not sure how to feel about Xykon anymore. When I finished SoD, I wanted to tear his head off, but since he's showing at least a few signs of wanting to help Tiasal, I'm confused. (Why are Magnificent Bastards so easy to forgive?! )

    I'm also worried about Tsukiko, and what she might do to Tiasal when Xykon's not looking. Of course, I doubt it could be worse than what the 'Master' has planned, but still...

    Anyways, great story, I hope you figure out the V/RC thing soon. And Happy Thanksgiving to you, too!
    Avatar by Zanaril

    ...I feel ignored.

  15. - Top - End - #1245

    Default Re: Crack Pairings 3 - 50% More Squick

    Quote Originally Posted by Thor Person Guy View Post
    (Why are Magnificent Bastards so easy to forgive?! )
    Because if you were always pissed at them, then they wouldn't really be that magnificent, would they?

    Hey, what's that? 8 pages left?

    This time, I'm seriously gonna get the contest going, I swear!

    I just need somebody to do a banner/artwork thing for the runner up, and probably the winner as well.

    As it stands, it looks like 1st place get to rewrite the OP and possibly gets a banner, 2nd place gets a piece of artwork/banner, and 3rd place gets... a pat on the back.
    It's been a bit, GitP. If you're reading this, you're either digging through old stuff, or I've posted for the first time in forever.

    If you want to stay in touch, reach out to me on twitter (same username).

    The best answer is always to ask your DM.
    Unless you're the DM, in which case you should talk to your players.

  16. - Top - End - #1246
    Titan in the Playground
     
    Silverraptor's Avatar

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    Default Re: Crack Pairings 3 - 50% More Squick

    Quote Originally Posted by Thor Person Guy View Post
    (Why are Magnificent Bastards so easy to forgive?! )
    Because it isn't canon?
    My own webcomic. Idiosyncrasy.
    Paladin Academy: Chapter 2 Part 28

    *Avatar by Me*

  17. - Top - End - #1247
    Colossus in the Playground
     
    CoffeeIncluded's Avatar

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    Default Re: Crack Pairings 3 - 50% More Squick

    Quote Originally Posted by The Dark Fiddler View Post
    Because if you were always pissed at them, then they wouldn't really be that magnificent, would they?

    Hey, what's that? 8 pages left?

    This time, I'm seriously gonna get the contest going, I swear!

    I just need somebody to do a banner/artwork thing for the runner up, and probably the winner as well.

    As it stands, it looks like 1st place get to rewrite the OP and possibly gets a banner, 2nd place gets a piece of artwork/banner, and 3rd place gets... a pat on the back.
    I can't draw it, but here's an idea for whoever can: A person sitting at his/her computer with a /O_O expression on their face, frantically reaching for a large bottle marked "Brain Bleach"

  18. - Top - End - #1248
    Barbarian in the Playground
     
    Water-Smurf's Avatar

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    Default Re: Crack Pairings 3 - 50% More Squick

    Quote Originally Posted by CoffeeIncluded View Post
    Wait, who is the crazy cleric?
    An OC. Not one I plan on developing--he's like a looming shadow of metaphor and sickness.

    Quote Originally Posted by Zanaril View Post
    Also, who is that talking in the non-italic dialogue at the beginning of the second chapter? The only thing I can come up with is that it's the cleric talking to himself.
    The children are talking.

    Quote Originally Posted by Thor Person Guy View Post
    That's a suspiciously specific denial description, isn't it?
    Believe me, if my brother tried to pull something like that, half of those chocolates would be gone within the hour. My family has learned to hide stuff if they want to save it.

    Quote Originally Posted by Thor Person Guy View Post
    When I finished SoD, I wanted to tear his head off, but since he's showing at least a few signs of wanting to help Tiasal, I'm confused.
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    That makes me giggle a little. He has no intention of helping Tiasal; he just wants to use her against Redcloak. It's difficult to hang the safety of a man's child over his head if she's already being brutalized and raped on a daily basis. The fact that she's an ambiguously aligned sorcerer that willingly teams up with him has definitely endeared her to him, but it's far from actually caring. He's a sociopath, remember.


    Anyway, I'm looking for some feedback/suggestions to do with Right-Eye and Tiasal. This is actually a surprisingly complicated relationship in theory and I want to be able to put it down proper on paper. (Or digital forum...)

    I mean, Right-Eye means it when he says that he loves Tiasal, but he's still just as speciesist as the rest of his family. His knee-jerk reaction to a half-elf, half-goblin (especially one related to him) would be disgust and to shun. He's gone through his whole life (and afterlife) being hated and persecuted by humans, elves, dwarves, and to a lesser extent halflings. The natural reaction to that would be to hate and persecute those oppressors, and after so much time, his hate runs deep.

    On top of that, he's well aware of the way Tiasal's existence could work in his favor, which causes some confusion with him about whether or not he loves her for her or he loves her so she will help his big brother.

    Tiasal's deeply conflicted about him because she knows about all these things. And he's her tenuous connection to the father she never knew, a father she's not sure she even wants to know. They're both using each other in some way, but the difference is that Tiasal needs to know that someone loves her for her (not whose kid she is or what she can do for someone) and Right-Eye already has the security of a loving family. Thoughts?
    Last edited by Water-Smurf; 2009-11-28 at 05:58 PM.

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    The April Squickies Award for Best Crack Pairing Story


    Thank you so much to Kaytara for the avatar! It's of Redcloak's and Vaarsuvius's love child.

  19. - Top - End - #1249
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    Default Re: Crack Pairings 3 - 50% More Squick

    Quote Originally Posted by Water-Smurf View Post
    The children are talking.
    *facepalm* Of course...
    This post may contain sarcasm.
    DeviantArt

  20. - Top - End - #1250
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    Lawyergoblin's Avatar

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    What's this I smell, Dark Fiddler? A contest? interesting...

  21. - Top - End - #1251

    Default Re: Crack Pairings 3 - 50% More Squick

    Quote Originally Posted by Lawyergoblin View Post
    What's this I smell, Dark Fiddler? A contest? interesting...
    Been in the works for like 100 pages now, but I never got around to it.

    Not that the crackies aren't nice, but this'd be a bit different. Rather than judging what's already out there, we'd have people do new stuff to fit the theme.
    Secret not here either.
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    I'm not telling you, you sly person you!
    It's been a bit, GitP. If you're reading this, you're either digging through old stuff, or I've posted for the first time in forever.

    If you want to stay in touch, reach out to me on twitter (same username).

    The best answer is always to ask your DM.
    Unless you're the DM, in which case you should talk to your players.

  22. - Top - End - #1252
    Orc in the Playground
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    Default Re: Crack Pairings 3 - 50% More Squick

    To Water-Smurf:

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    When I like a story it's a little hard for me to give criticism, because I feel like I'm abusing the author in some way (It's their story, they'd know more than me, right?)

    I just don't think Tiasal is being in character. I'm not completely sure why, but just from the personality given to her before in the story, it seems like she'd be more quiet and not say things like "The feeling isn't mutual". I can imagine V saying that, but not Tia. (I HATED SAYING THAT! Someone else invented this character, not me! )

    I will now go sit in my corner.

  23. - Top - End - #1253
    Barbarian in the Playground
     
    ClericGuy

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    Default Re: Crack Pairings 3 - 50% More Squick

    Quote Originally Posted by The Dark Fiddler View Post
    Been in the works for like 100 pages now, but I never got around to it.

    Not that the crackies aren't nice, but this'd be a bit different. Rather than judging what's already out there, we'd have people do new stuff to fit the theme.
    Secret not here either.
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    I'm not telling you, you sly person you!
    Ahh. So it will be like the Stick Awards then.
    Your local Cleric.

    Cleric of the Murphy's Law Thread
    (yes, that is possible)

    "Eagles may soar, but weasels don't get sucked into jet engines."

  24. - Top - End - #1254
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    Quote Originally Posted by Zanaril View Post
    It was too cute not to draw.

    *Dances* My story's worth fan art! Woot!

    Contest, contest, contest, contest, contest, contest, contest, contest, contest, contest, contest, contest.
    Avatar by me...yup that's how good my drawing is. As in not very good.

    Crack-Pairings, Not Dead Just Moved. Someone Hasn't Been Looking In The Right Places.


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    Quote Originally Posted by Caleniel View Post
    Taekwondodo - your nick and your avatar are terrific. I want to award you something... how about enough melons to see you through the next ice age?

  25. - Top - End - #1255
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    HalflingRangerGuy

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    "GET AWAY FROM M-" *BOOM* *CRUNCH!*
    Well, ABD thought that must be the 9th-10th? time that the human's bones can't withstand it?
    The ABD had been flying above Azure City all day with...urges, that were to powerful to ignore (she strongly suspected that someone had cast a spell on her). Swooping down and acidently crushing humans in her embrace...The urges were becoming almost agonising now!
    _______________________________________
    "Uh oh" said Roy "I think a tavern brawl is going to start soon..."

    Roy were in a tavern for Epic level adventerers...

    "I agree" Said Vaarsuvius as se casted buffs (via scroll) on Roy "Epic Bear's Endurence! Epic Cheeta's Stamina! Epic Lion's Strength! Dragon Size!"
    _______________________________________

    "OH NO!" ABD groaned "If I can't sate these urges soon-I don't even want to think about it!"
    Thats when she heard the elf using the scrolls...
    "Perfect!" She shouted sensiously, with lust plain in her eyes, she swooped opon the fighter...

    NSFW
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    "AGGHHHHH" Roy screamed as the ABD cast a mind control spell on him, that could last for years on end! Then he crawled up to her. Anyone who passed by would see nearby trees in bushes shaking with an unknown force! From the Dragon's Lair coud be heard sensious purrs, and armor and clothes were scattered in all directions! Every so often the ABD would shout a command (Usally "MORE! MORE! THE URGES ARE NOT SATED!!!"),
    Never had V. been thankful that she was so close to a Tavern in her life.


    AAAAAGGGHHHHHHHHHH... *Sound of flapping wings*

    Yikes! That definetly wasn't supposed to be this dark!
    Last edited by ClericOfBelker; 2009-11-29 at 08:41 PM.
    High Priest of

  26. - Top - End - #1256
    Ettin in the Playground
     
    Sstoopidtallkid's Avatar

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    Default Re: Crack Pairings 3 - 50% More Squick

    2 pairings inspired by the new update. One I want to keep for myself, the other I'm tossing out there because there is no way I'm writing it without far more booze than I can currently afford.
    Heatstroking Elan/Cactus.
    [/sarcasm]
    FAQ is not RAW!
    Avatar by the incredible CrimsonAngel.
    Saph:It's surprising how many problems can be solved by one druid spell combined with enough aggression.
    I play primarily 3.5 D&D. Most of my advice will be based off of this. If my advice doesn't apply, specify a version in your post.

  27. - Top - End - #1257
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    CoffeeIncluded's Avatar

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    Can I try working on that one tomorrow or Tuesday?

  28. - Top - End - #1258
    Ettin in the Playground
     
    Sstoopidtallkid's Avatar

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    Default Re: Crack Pairings 3 - 50% More Squick

    Quote Originally Posted by CoffeeIncluded View Post
    Can I try working on that one tomorrow or Tuesday?
    Sure. When I put something out, I just want to see it happen, don't care who or when. Although in this case, it's more a morbid curiosity than actually wanting to see it. Elan's actually one of my least-favorite characters to ship.

    Though, come to think of it, that may be why I liked this pairing.
    [/sarcasm]
    FAQ is not RAW!
    Avatar by the incredible CrimsonAngel.
    Saph:It's surprising how many problems can be solved by one druid spell combined with enough aggression.
    I play primarily 3.5 D&D. Most of my advice will be based off of this. If my advice doesn't apply, specify a version in your post.

  29. - Top - End - #1259
    Ettin in the Playground
     
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    Default Re: Crack Pairings 3 - 50% More Squick

    Sorry for the double-post, but I wanted to get this up tonight. Warning:not like my earlier fic.
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    He was so soft. That was my first thought. Such smooth, white, fur, such finely shaped legs, so full of meat for our future babies. Yes, he wasn't quite normal, lacking pincers, and having such odd mouth-parts, but his tail...I had to have him. But when I approached him, I froze. That's never happened before, but I was just so in in awe of his exoticness, his perfection. I could not start the dance, and he, surely out of boredom, attempted to leave. I couldn't have that. Not before I got my chance. I was desperate. So I stung him. It wasn't much, just enough to slow him, just enough to give me a chance, I thought. But it wasn't, he shruged it off like nothing I've seen before, and he took it wrong. Thought it was an attack or something. As if I would ever harm such a perfect figure. I had to stop him, had to explain...but he ignored me. Ignored my scent, ignored my tremors. Just as I began to wonder if I had made a mistake(but how could I not go after him), I felt something pierce my back. It didn't hurt, but I was lifted from the ground, and felt myself growing weak. Even that I will survive. No matter how I am injured, I will endure. I will manage to tell him. He may understand now, he's looking at me, even in my current state, with such eagerness, such hunger. We WILL be together. We will....why is it so hot?
    Last edited by Sstoopidtallkid; 2009-11-30 at 12:42 AM.
    [/sarcasm]
    FAQ is not RAW!
    Avatar by the incredible CrimsonAngel.
    Saph:It's surprising how many problems can be solved by one druid spell combined with enough aggression.
    I play primarily 3.5 D&D. Most of my advice will be based off of this. If my advice doesn't apply, specify a version in your post.

  30. - Top - End - #1260
    Barbarian in the Playground
     
    Taekwondodo's Avatar

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    Default Re: Crack Pairings 3 - 50% More Squick

    Quote Originally Posted by Sstoopidtallkid View Post
    Sorry for the double-post, but I wanted to get this up tonight. Warning:not like my earlier fic.
    Spoiler
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    He was so soft. That was my first thought. Such smooth, white, fur, such finely shaped legs, so full of meat for our future babies. Yes, he wasn't quite normal, lacking pincers, and having such odd mouth-parts, but his tail...I had to have him. But when I approached him, I froze. That's never happened before, but I was just so in in awe of his exoticness, his perfection. I could not start the dance, and he, surely out of boredom, attempted to leave. I couldn't have that. Not before I got my chance. I was desperate. So I stung him. It wasn't much, just enough to slow him, just enough to give me a chance, I thought. But it wasn't, he shruged it off like nothing I've seen before, and he took it wrong. Thought it was an attack or something. As if I would ever harm such a perfect figure. I had to stop him, had to explain...but he ignored me. Ignored my scent, ignored my tremors. Just as I began to wonder if I had made a mistake(but how could I not go after him), I felt something pierce my back. It didn't hurt, but I was lifted from the ground, and felt myself growing weak. Even that I will survive. No matter how I am injured, I will endure. I will manage to tell him. He may understand now, he's looking at me, even in my current state, with such eagerness, such hunger. We WILL be together. We will....why is it so hot?
    *Giggles* Let me guess, your other pairing was Mr. Scruffy x Scorpion? V. good, v. funny. "Why is it so hot?" made me laugh.
    Avatar by me...yup that's how good my drawing is. As in not very good.

    Crack-Pairings, Not Dead Just Moved. Someone Hasn't Been Looking In The Right Places.


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    Quote Originally Posted by Caleniel View Post
    Taekwondodo - your nick and your avatar are terrific. I want to award you something... how about enough melons to see you through the next ice age?

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