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  1. - Top - End - #61
    Barbarian in the Playground
     
    CreganTur's Avatar

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    Default Re: Funny D&D Stories

    Quote Originally Posted by killmaster666 View Post
    a friend of ours who moved away recintly and always seemed to be the center of the funny moments in our campaigns was playing a fighter with 20 somthing strength (which came in really handy in this case) we were in a huge warehouse that had been abandoned and was begining to rot and become rundown the dm had decided 2 5 foot squares were so rotten if we stpped on them we would fall through into the tunnels below that were very VERY deep of course i stepped on one 2 rounds into our search on of the others was nearby i think it was a rogue made a diving catch and had my hand and was hanging into the hole keeping me from falling but before he could pull me up he started sliding into the hole so the monk ran over and grabbed his hand just as he fell in but now the weight was to much for the monk wwho immidetly slipped and fell in with a nat 20 the fighter made a huge jumping catch and was kind of stable holding us there thats when the hole crumbled more and due to some lucky rolls he was balenced with basically his toes hooking one end and his fingers grabbed on to the other side with his hand hanging down the hole grabbing the chain of us all making lucky ass rolls so we didn't fall to our deaths in the thanks to the dm telling us we knew had a spike pit at the bottem when the fighter looked up to see a very dumbfounded goblin with a spear looking at himwell as i said he wasn't in any position to fight it but he figured screw it and rolled an intimidate nat 20 he screamed absolout gibberish at the goblin well spitting and foaming at the mouth the thing ran like a bat out of hell and due to some more very lucky rolls we maniged to get back out of the pit 2 turns latter
    Holy run-on-sentence Batman!
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  2. - Top - End - #62
    Pixie in the Playground
     
    BardGuy

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    Default Re: Funny D&D Stories

    Quote Originally Posted by CreganTur View Post
    Holy run-on-sentence Batman!
    me grammer suck leave alone!

  3. - Top - End - #63
    Ettin in the Playground
     
    Thanatos 51-50's Avatar

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    Default Re: Funny D&D Stories

    Okay, killmaster, this is how it works.

    Your post isn't exactly long, per se, just, as previously noted, one giant run-on sentance. I'm sure the story is amusing, its just that ya aulde solid block of text discourages people from reading it. Commas, periods, and other basic grammar helps.

    Also, for <Insert divinity of choice here>'s sake, use some bloody line breaks!

    In an attempt to be on topic:

    During a Fourth Edition game of D&D (Which is great, because it gets all that pesky 'combat' out of the way), the party was travelling wth a caravan headed up by an eladrin mage. The majority of the party was under the impression that they were there to protect the thing and travel for a change of scenery.

    The actual goal of the trip was to protect the wagon from an expected raid by the theive's guild's rivals. The primary objective was to let a plant from the Guild make off with the loot we were "Guarding", secondary was to repel the rivals and possibly take them in for questioning.

    One of the characters involved is a Doppleganger mage with your standard amnesiac backstory and some high-unctioning form of social retardation. (I would like to note to my fellow playgrounders that "Social Retard" is exactly what is written on aforementioned mage's character sheet.)
    Player decides that he wishes to acquire some drugs for his mage (Specifically "Sticky Icky") and starts tryying to acquire some from two of the obviously-Rogue NPCs.
    One (whom we later find out to be the Thieve's Guild plant) provided some drugs as soon as our mage "left some gold for the faries" and "took a walk" in the woods.

    Aforementioned mage's Will defense was abysmall and he ended up fighting a pretty strong addiction for the next few days.
    He was also caught by the Party's Rogue (me), and given a stern lecture about watchstanding protocol.

    Day three rolls around and the addiction is getting pretty strong. Having his defense repeadtedly beat in, he goes searching for another dose and gets some from the OTHER NPC Rogue (The guy I thought was the Thieve's Guild plant, he turned out to be a plant for the Rival Guild). This all takes place before his watch and before he casts eye of alarm.

    Our mage then wanders off behind a rock somewhere, far-flung from the rest of the party, and ends up being "critted" by the drugs, and passes out into a drug-coma.
    The party is then promptly attacked as my watch ends and his begins (His watch partner was Rival Rogue, too.)

    The only thing that prevented wholesale TPK was the DM deciding to not punish the party for good roleplaying and unlucky dicerolls and having the caravan master get up for a"midnight snack" and yell out that we were being amushed.
    Last edited by Thanatos 51-50; 2009-01-15 at 03:12 PM.
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  4. - Top - End - #64
    Ogre in the Playground
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    Default Re: Funny D&D Stories

    Years ago, I was running a long 3.5 campaign for a bunch of friends with your basic "have some adventures so that you can level up and fight the uber-powerful jerk you've sworn vengeance against". They made themselves into a fighting force of extraordinary magnitude (level 11 at this point), righting wrongs and kicking evil in the crotch. And so, of course, there was a sizable bounty out on their heads.

    While they were traveling through a thick forest on the way to a city in need of aid the group's point guard (an elven ranger) found herself nailed with three arrows that dropped her to about 25 hit points. She yells an alert and dives into the all-concealing shadows, hoping to find the would-be assassin.

    Of course, being heroic idiots, the rest of the party runs up, weapons drawn, and looking for trouble. The mage casts fly on himself and makes himself a beautiful target, flying 30 feet up to get a better vantage point. No, he didn't remember to cast invisiblity first.

    While the invisible archer continued to rain down sharp and pointy pain on the party's monk and rogue, the archer's sidekick revealed herself. A kobold sorcerer rose up out of the bushes and nailed the party's wizard with a Baleful Polymorph. One embarrassingly failed save later, the party's most powerful character is a flying trout.

    He's still got his normal wits about him, but can't cast any memorized spells in his fishy form. And he's got just a few rounds before he drowns in the cruel, unbreathable air. He flees the scene, flying as fast as he can toward the small stream he remembered passing a few minutes previous. Just as he made his second check to hold his breath, he splashes down into the water.

    Meanwhile, the rest of the party is getting the junk kicked out of them by a level 9 hobgoblin ranger an a level 9 kobold sorcerer. It was an embarrassing day for everyone involved. The ranger finally managed to kill the sorcerer and hobgoblin, but getting the Wizard to someone who could un-polymorph him took a most of another adventurer.
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  5. - Top - End - #65
    Pixie in the Playground
     
    BardGuy

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    Default Re: Funny D&D Stories

    better now? it was 3 am and i was just typing it fast my keyboards period key is half broken and you have to hit it a certain way to get it to work half the time i just don't bother.

    and lets go for kord for the diety
    Last edited by killmaster666; 2009-01-15 at 06:53 PM.

  6. - Top - End - #66
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    DwarfFighterGuy

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    Default Re: Funny D&D Stories

    "Kord Kord, Kord is my lord. Kord Kord, Kord is my lord"

  7. - Top - End - #67
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    DwarfFighterGuy

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    Quote Originally Posted by PegLegMoe452 View Post
    "Kord Kord, Kord is my lord. Kord Kord, Kord is my lord"
    Kord is my Lord Forever

  8. - Top - End - #68
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    Default Re: Funny D&D Stories

    Alright, so I would be that "Monk" that played with Killmaster there. Don't worry, my punctuation is better than his. -.-

    Alright, so the story I'm going to tell you is one of complete non-sense and probably wont make anyone laugh. To be honest, there are two stories. The first one is from a while ago. Second is our current campaign.

    1) Alright, so we were adventuring through a town which was under attack by a large number of skeletons, and the only way to survive was to run away, to the boats. Unfortunately, my whole party ended up in prison. Being an idiotic Cleric, I was trying to be nice, and fit in. I saw that everyone in there had a tattoo. I wanted to fit in so I decided to get one myself, and so I did.
    After a daring escape through the prison, we made it to a ship, only to have it sink on us, and we were surely going to die at sea, with no water. I tried to use my Create Water spell, from the Elohna (Sorry is spelled wrong) Diety. Nothing happened. Turns out the tattoo was of Kord, and she banished me as her follower for disobeying her. There we were, stranded and it starts to rain, which made the boat slowly fill with water. I looked up at the sky and laughed, attempting to trick the God. "HA! That's all you got! Thanks for the water. Enough for us to survive for a good week!" So, our DM proclaimed that Elohna stopped it from raining.
    A while later, we needed more water, so I burned a wooden box and held it in the air. Elohna, loving nature made it rain to put the box out, and all we could do was laugh at how I tricked a God.

    2) Our current campaign contains, a Bard, Fighter, Druid, Rouge, and of course the druid (Me) little wolfie :)

    So, we were told to get some sort of artifact, and we ended up in a Goblin camp. Upon entering, we all notice hundreds of Goblins, partrolling the area. Now, instantly I used my ability to turn into a Mouse, and sat atop my wolfies head :). Then our rouge decided to sneak up next to one of the guards, and just stand there waiting.
    About 10 minutes later, after many spot checks, it finally turns its head and notices the thing standing there next to him and goes, "Whaaaaaaa?" and all kinds of other jiberish. Then it turns further and sees a mouse waving to it, while sitting on top of a wolf and almost ****s its pants. Then the rouge just laughs and yells, "Sneak attack!" and stabs it in the back of the neck, killing it. None of the other guards noticed us.
    Last edited by Arter03; 2009-01-16 at 01:56 AM.

  9. - Top - End - #69
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    ElfRangerGuy

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    Default Re: Funny D&D Stories

    Can't believe I've only just come across this thread...

    But yeah, I got a couple of stories:
    First ever campaign I've been in, I played a half-elf fighter- didn't give a damn about anything but money. Highlights of the campaign included the paladin attacking the psion in his sleep because he just had enough, everyone tying up the gnome bard and leaving them to die from exposure, and a wizards duel between a low-level red wizard's apprentice and the master sorcerer of the local area- bets were taken, and after a few misfires from the rod of wonder a one-time use special item was used- one that transports the foe to a room full of red wizards who obliterate them and send them back. Course everyone bet on the powerful sorcerer, apart from my guy who bet a single platinum piece on the apprentice... after the battle he retired and now lives in the pretty part of Waterdeep

    Next character- an elven aasimar ranger who had been haunting the woods, encounters the party whilst on the run from bounty hunters- gets killed by 12 horsemen within 2 minutes. Meanwhile, the other characters included a tiefling, a drow, and a trigger-happy elven sorcerer... that campaign lasted long enough for the sorcerer to say "drow! fireball!" and "demon! fireball!" and "12 horsemen! er... no more fireballs... snap the wand of acid!" *insert giant steaming pool of acid and no sign of life for a couple of square miles*
    Then we have one of the most well written campaigns- on behalf of the dm and players- in which there were a couple of emotional scenes... my character was a female robin hood, innovatively called Robyn Pariah- and she developed a lesbian relationship with the wild elf ranger... somehow the aforementioned trigger-happy sorcerer made a comeback and the campaign ended with the sorcerer planning to use a wand of meteor to get into a cave full of hostages- needless to say there weren't many hostages left afterwards... appalled by the lack of concern for the hostages, the wild elf charges at the sorcerer and promptly gets a lightning bolt to the face... my character witnesses in horror and runs to her side, the sorcerer walks away and I loose my arrow using my special unique homebrewed houseruled sublimely magnificent Robyn shot mark III- and miss by 1. lightning bolt, I'm dead.

    And finally, one of the most random moments I've ever come across... my character is now a rogue/dancer- the prestige class that dazes your foe whilst you dance so you can stab them without them noticing, and we have another sorceress- a wise though not too intelligent one- and a human fighter who has one of those bags of holding that's like the luggage- always has the thing you ask for laying on the top. except the bag was slightly damaged, so there was a possibility it wouldnt be quite what you was after. Being stranded in the desert, the girls ask for some beauty products- specifically hair straighteners. What comes out of the bag are modern Babyliss hair straighteners... we start examining them trying to find how they're used- we read the word 'volt' on the plug so the sorceress uses a small electric jolt and the part thats supposed to heat up does so, and the plug starts crackling with electricity- so my rogue immediately sees the practical uses of it as an electricity/heat trap. Nevertheless, we get intrigued by this item and so decide to see what other wonders the bag contains by actually going inside it- and we end up in Bristol. Needless to say, the girls felt right at home- specially my dancer that came across a seedy nightclub...

  10. - Top - End - #70
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    HalflingRogueGirl

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    Default Re: Funny D&D Stories

    This was kind of one of those "you had to be there" moments but I'll try to convey it.

    When a while ago, our group, consisting of me the Warforged fighter, a Githzerai monk and a cleric, we storming the BBEG's castle. Now, for some reason the cleric had bought a folding boat and ten pounds of soap, which he explained were to poison any sea monsters we might run a cross in a land-locked city. Anywho, we got to the evil cleric miniboss and our cleric says, "

    I throw my boat at him and say the command word in midair."

    Fortunately for him, our DM was a lenient one so what ended up happening was the cleric got his neck snapped and was lying on the floor, paralyzed, with a boat on top of him. Then, on the cleric's suggestion, we put soap on the guy's face and sat in the boat until he died.

    Later that same campaign......
    We were exploring an ancient pyramid, the monk having died and been replaced by a wizard. We got to an antechamber and then start hearing drums, can't see a thing of course. The drums go on and on, ominously and then the cleric freaks out. He casts wall of stone to completely seal off the entrances, stranding us there. The wizard and I start arguing with him about this so he casts create well and pushes me into it. The next round, he kills the wizard. Now, the wizard eventually convinces the cleric to raises him, and upon being brought back, attacks him and is killed again.
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  11. - Top - End - #71
    Pixie in the Playground
     
    BardGuy

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    Default Re: Funny D&D Stories

    Quote Originally Posted by PegLegMoe452 View Post
    "Kord Kord, Kord is my lord. Kord Kord, Kord is my lord"
    wow i forgot the kord song mitchel thanks for reminding me of that

  12. - Top - End - #72
    Pixie in the Playground
     
    BardGuy

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    Default Re: Funny D&D Stories

    Quote Originally Posted by Arter03 View Post
    Alright, so I would be that "Monk" that played with Killmaster there. Don't worry, my punctuation is better than his. -.-

    Alright, so the story I'm going to tell you is one of complete non-sense and probably wont make anyone laugh. To be honest, there are two stories. The first one is from a while ago. Second is our current campaign.

    1) Alright, so we were adventuring through a town which was under attack by a large number of skeletons, and the only way to survive was to run away, to the boats. Unfortunately, my whole party ended up in prison. Being an idiotic Cleric, I was trying to be nice, and fit in. I saw that everyone in there had a tattoo. I wanted to fit in so I decided to get one myself, and so I did.
    After a daring escape through the prison, we made it to a ship, only to have it sink on us, and we were surely going to die at sea, with no water. I tried to use my Create Water spell, from the Elohna (Sorry is spelled wrong) Diety. Nothing happened. Turns out the tattoo was of Kord, and she banished me as her follower for disobeying her. There we were, stranded and it starts to rain, which made the boat slowly fill with water. I looked up at the sky and laughed, attempting to trick the God. "HA! That's all you got! Thanks for the water. Enough for us to survive for a good week!" So, our DM proclaimed that Elohna stopped it from raining.
    A while later, we needed more water, so I burned a wooden box and held it in the air. Elohna, loving nature made it rain to put the box out, and all we could do was laugh at how I tricked a God.

    2) Our current campaign contains, a Bard, Fighter, Druid, Rouge, and of course the druid (Me) little wolfie :)

    So, we were told to get some sort of artifact, and we ended up in a Goblin camp. Upon entering, we all notice hundreds of Goblins, partrolling the area. Now, instantly I used my ability to turn into a Mouse, and sat atop my wolfies head :). Then our rouge decided to sneak up next to one of the guards, and just stand there waiting.
    About 10 minutes later, after many spot checks, it finally turns its head and notices the thing standing there next to him and goes, "Whaaaaaaa?" and all kinds of other jiberish. Then it turns further and sees a mouse waving to it, while sitting on top of a wolf and almost ****s its pants. Then the rouge just laughs and yells, "Sneak attack!" and stabs it in the back of the neck, killing it. None of the other guards noticed us.
    i already told the second one arter and he didn't just stand there he looked at it and asked it what was up and one of the other ones noticed when he killed it and because you just made your wolf bark at it you alerted all the rest of them

  13. - Top - End - #73
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    Pyrian's Avatar

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    Default Re: Funny D&D Stories

    Spiders are making spring attacks at the party by dropping out of the trees on high-tension web-lines and basically bungie-jumping at them. One party member with a greatsword decides to have his horse rear up so he can cut at the line at just the right moment. This action succeeds, dropping the spider to the ground - but upon a failed reflex save, the sword gets stuck in the sticky webbing it cut, which in turn hurtles the poor fighter into the canopy as it snaps back up...
    "'Intelligence' is really prolific in the world. So is stupidity. So often they occur in the same people." - Phaedra
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  14. - Top - End - #74
    Pixie in the Playground
     
    Attack Amazon's Avatar

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    One of my new players during his brand new 5 minute old character's introduction to the story, stumbled upon a deck of many things that the rest of the part had hidden (very badly) in their cabin on board a ship. Being completely new to roleplaying games and not having a clue what a deck of many things is, he decides to draw a card. It was Death. RIP Tensei the First, shortest lived character in any game I've ever run. Long live Tensei the Second, who managed to survive his introduction and lead a relatively long and prosperous adventuring career.

  15. - Top - End - #75
    Troll in the Playground
     
    Kobold

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    Default Re: Funny D&D Stories

    I've run two epic, long-running campaigns.

    Both have ended in bossfights.

    In both bossfights, the bosses have been put down before they'd even taken their first action in the first round.

    Damn players being much better at optimization than me.
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  16. - Top - End - #76
    Pixie in the Playground
     
    MindFlayer

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    dudes, i was running the ONLY pre-written campaign i was ever running, and, heh heh, this was why. We had my friend, who, was not exactly"bright" playing the fighter, and, the story was that there was a stone that created the multiverse. It was stoleen. Party members got to his castle, killed minions, and when they got to his throne room, instead of fighting my boss, he charged the stone and destroyed it in one blow...*sob* thus ending the multiverse, and having me step outside and curse...alot

  17. - Top - End - #77
    Pixie in the Playground
     
    Zombie

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    Default Re: Funny D&D Stories

    Played a game of Paranoia! this weekend. My character had aquired some drugs but I had no idea what kind, or what their effects might be. I decided to sample a very small dose to see if I could get a clue.

    DM: You don't notice any effects.
    Me: Hmmm... I look for someone I could trick into trying them.
    DM: You see a citizen. He's aiming a gun at you.

    I better attack him before he can fire, I thought. I decided to hit him in the face with my pipe, but it came out wrong.

    Me: I hit him with my face!
    DM: You what? With your face?
    Me: Er.. yeah. I headbutt him.
    DM: You hit him. He falls to the floor. A guard robot appear and aims all its guns at you.
    Me: I explain to it that it was an act of self-defence.
    DM: "Terminating in five... four... three..."
    Me: *panicking* I activate my Adrenalin Control and punch the robot!
    DM: You punch the robot and send it flying 20 metres. An alarm goes off.
    Me: I run for it!

    I ran and dived into a maintenance tunnel. When I came out, I fainted and several guards jumped me. It was then revealed that I had been hallucinating from the drugs. The citizen wasn't armed, and I had punched a cleaning robot, breaking my arm in the process.

    Edit: Oh wait, this isn't D&D. Sorry.
    Last edited by the HZ; 2009-01-26 at 01:40 PM.

  18. - Top - End - #78
    Pixie in the Playground
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    wink Re: Funny D&D Stories

    im a noob that started playing. but in the time that i've played, ive seen some funny things.

    one of the guys that plays is a half dragon/half goat human thingy. don't know the name of race, but he ended up getting raped by a dragon.

    then he has a 10 foot long lance, and he wanted to rape a king with it. the dm wouldn't allow it.

    Another guy had a ring of the ram. and since he doesn't play much, it adds charges each day(i think he has 56 charges on it now). and each day his horns grow more. well he ended up sending three charges into another guy, and almost killing him. but the other guy used a potion to heal some, and the ring guy tried to hit the potion with a magic missile and missed by a second. but needless to say, the guy ended up getting blasted 30 feet, and left at one life.

    then the guy that blasted is a cat folk, so when we went to a cat village, he tried to hook up with some ladies and ended up getting shot down by all of them, except for one that was a really old grandma.

    then i got in trouble for trying to shoot at an orb that a wizard was spinning around his head, and took massive damage from the guy after shooting him in the hand.

  19. - Top - End - #79
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    Assassin89's Avatar

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    Default Re: Funny D&D Stories

    Quote Originally Posted by animal777 View Post
    one of the guys that plays is a half dragon/half goat human thingy. don't know the name of race, but he ended up getting raped by a dragon.
    I think the race is satyr.

    In one campaign, my now dead human cleric was in a party with a half elf female rogue, a female human in white armor, a female magmin with wizard levels, a male warforged healer, and a goblin fighter. One thing I say to the magmin is "I am not going to touch you. Under no circumstances will I touch you"

    As for why the human cleric is dead, let us just say he was tentacle raped to dead by a negative battery, and afterward his body is torn in two, but it was no real loss.

    The warforged also made a comment when deciding whether to heal the goblin after being attacked by a specter, saying "well, let's see now... you threw me down a well"

    When the previously mentioned specter attacked the warforged:
    DM(to Warforged's player): The specter drains two of your levels
    Me: Wait a minute... Aren't warforged immune to level drain?

    The DM realized this, but the warforged still took HP damage.
    Yet another Touhou fan in the playground.
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  20. - Top - End - #80
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    My character rolls a 1 on a Spot check. This is always fun, because our DM makes hilarious stories. I think that dragons are attacking, throw myself off my horse, and hit my head hard enough to knock myself unconscious. A fellow party member tries to wake me up by pouring a whole lot of water on me. This doesn't work, so he gives up. When I come to, I want to know why I am dripping wet, and he blames another party member and rolls really high on his Bluff check. Now may be a good time to mention that I am the only female member of my party. I slap the person who I now believe to have poured water on me, and he slaps me back. Our DM asks us if we want to have a catfight. We agree. Hilarity ensues.
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    So? This is the town. We don't listen to the laws of reality.
    We rewrote it for our own convenience.
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  21. - Top - End - #81
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    WolfInSheepsClothing

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    Default Re: Funny D&D Stories

    Quote Originally Posted by Moon_Called View Post
    So, I was playing with some of my friends, as a halfling ranger. (Don't ask me how. I swear I started as an Elf.) We get into a dungeon, and our Drow Fighter, the idiot, destroys the only light source, thinking it was magic or something. So we're standing there in the dark, and then our Dwarven bard (who I've never liked, and doesn't really like me) looks at me thoughtfully and says slowely, "Hobbits have hairy legs, right?"

    So they pin me down, cut off my leg, light it on fire and use it as a torch. From that day on, I was known as Hoppy the Halfling.
    You are aware of that both the drow, the dwarf and the halfling all have darkvision?

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    You don't carry torches?
    Nope, as I said: darkvision
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  22. - Top - End - #82
    Ettin in the Playground
     
    Mordokai's Avatar

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    Default Re: Funny D&D Stories

    Being reading this topic lately. Many funny stories, but the following one I find especially funny.

    Them:"You realize you won't get into the Kingdom of Heaven if you play that game."
    Me: "Are you gonna be there?"
    Them: "Of course."
    Me: "Then I find this arrangement satisfactory."
    Me myself, I have no stories to share.
    Adrie, half elven bard. Drawing by Vulion, avatar by CheesePirate. Colored version by Callos_DeTerran. Thanks a lot, you guys.
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  23. - Top - End - #83
    Barbarian in the Playground
     
    Vampiric's Avatar

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    Default Re: Funny D&D Stories

    Quote Originally Posted by Narmoth View Post
    You are aware of that both the drow, the dwarf and the halfling all have darkvision?



    Nope, as I said: darkvision
    You realise that Halflings only have low-light vision?



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    I fought The Mysterious Circle of Shadowy Chairs in Discworld I (Dei in Machina) till the end, won the game and survived and all I got is this lousy signature line.



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  24. - Top - End - #84
    Firbolg in the Playground
     
    Recaiden's Avatar

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    Default Re: Funny D&D Stories

    One that I remember went something like this: We were fighting barghests, and there was one left, fighting the cleric, who was pretty hurt. So, he decides to cast flamestrike on it to finish it off. In melee combat. On the one hand, he did kill it, but on the other, he also got to like -3 HP.
    ~Inner Circle~
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  25. - Top - End - #85
    Halfling in the Playground
     
    RedWizardGuy

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    Default Re: Funny D&D Stories

    Quote Originally Posted by Z-dan View Post

    Next character- an elven aasimar ranger who ...

    elven aasimar?!!!?! aasimar is a race! you can't have an elven aasimar!

    it's like saying "I play a human dwarf"!
    - Can I hold your septer master???
    - You are a henchman. Shut up and hench...

  26. - Top - End - #86
    Dwarf in the Playground
     
    KingGolem's Avatar

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    Default Re: Funny D&D Stories

    Ok, here's a pretty lame one. I arranged a D&D meeting once with the intention to finish up all the half-baked characters produced in the last meeting. Only one guy showed up, and after we finished his character, we decided to make the best of the time and talk about a backstory. His character was a half-gold dragon elf barbarian named Quarion Gix Holimion (he added "gix" to his name later, it's Draconic for "claw" or something), and he grew up in an elven community at the base of a mountain range where some gold dragons live. Apparently, he's the illegitimate son of a bored adolescent gold dragon and an elven barmaid. When he was born half-dragon, everyone in the village wanted him to get the best education of elven traditions like swordplay, archery, and magic that their dirt farming town could provide. However, it would be difficult to raise him as a stereotypical haughty elf if he was only half elf and and illegitimate one at that, so they hid this fact from him while he grudgingly studied. However, when he was 20-something (the adult age of elves in my campaign), his mother told him that he did not, in fact, have a rare skin condition- We had to take a break, we were too busy laughing. Anyway, he runs away, joins a nomadic tribe of lupins (those wolf dudes from Dragon Compendium), gets his barbarian training, brefriends a lupin ranger who is another PC, and they set off to explore the world, when they eventually meet the rest of the party.
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    Gary Gygax
    June 27, 1938 - March 4, 2008
    Dave Arneson
    October 1, 1947 - April 7, 2009
    Rest in peace.

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  27. - Top - End - #87
    Troll in the Playground
     
    littlebottom's Avatar

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    Default Re: Funny D&D Stories

    picture this, the gm decides to make a Final Fantasy themed D&D game, i make a "sephiroth"esk character, with high HIGH acrobatics and tumble, for cinmatic like jumps constantly, along with the feat (i think its called long jumper) that allows me to jump from standstill as if i had a run-up, the GM starts the game and we are hunting down a woman who was hiding, and we saw he jump down into this glacial crack, where there was a complicated ice cave system underneath. so, i go first and walk up to the edge look down (big drop, but as it was final fantasy-esk then they wouldnt hurt you if you land properly.) and jump high into the air, do a sumersault and a twist and as im coming back down, i say "So what are you waiting for?" to the rest of the group as i disapear from sight...

    we have a player who doesnt like to be out-done... ever. and decides to try and better it. by charging forward and diving headfirst aerodynamicly, to overtake me to the bottom, but rolls, and lands flat on his face, although he landed first ... needless to say the character died instantly, but the GM was too kind and let him continue from 1HP instead, fair enough i suppose as it was the first thing he did in the whole game. but afterwards, the others decided it was better to climb down slowly with ropes never been so chuffed in my roleplaying life (normally im the one on the receiving end of the bad luck)
    easy 1 step guide to impersonating Sean Connery;
    step 1: repeat after me "I moustache you a question, but I'm shaving it for later."

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  28. - Top - End - #88
    Bugbear in the Playground
     
    Crispy Dave's Avatar

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    Default Re: Funny D&D Stories

    Alright so the party has just gotten finished fighting off an attack on the town from some suicide bomber abyssal monster things(they ran into things and blew up). The Lord of the town welcomes us to his manor for a bath and dinner. I being a half ork barbarian got the first bath. During the bath I see out a window one of the bomber things. I duck down in the tub and a giant explosion happens in the room next to me. I am unharmed thanks to the bath tub. Being under attach I get out of the bath and run into a room. I see a sword and Shield on the wall so I take them and run outside. A necromancer is holding a small boy with a dagger to his neck. As soon as he sees me he drops the boy and I charge him. Natural 20 and it turns out the sword was vorpal. I go inside the main room where the rest of the party is to see our ranger get decimated by an abyssal maul jumping from a balcony.The last thing that ranger saw was a half ork naked.
    PM me for computer hardware advice/help.
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  29. - Top - End - #89
    Ogre in the Playground
     
    Anuan's Avatar

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    Default Re: Funny D&D Stories

    I heard this story a few years ago from a man I used to know; details are sketchy.

    Basically, the party was confronted by an adult dragon. In a dungeon. I suppose the DM had little originality. In any case, the party was chased into a hallway or something similar by said dragon. It couldn't advance, they couldn't attack because they'd get slaughtered, but the thing is, the dragon could not turn around, either.

    The character of the man who told me the story was a vampire halfling (gnome, maybe?) rogue. Who managed to slip behind the dragon. The dragon who couldn't turn around. He then proceeded to stab the dragon in the ass with a +2 dagger til it died.
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    But I'm afraid I'd accidentally stab myself to death.

  30. - Top - End - #90
    Dwarf in the Playground
     
    LordSintax's Avatar

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    Default Re: Funny D&D Stories

    this comes from a while back. my regular gaming group at the time consisted of a bunch of D&D veterans, people who had been playing for several years. one of our friends decides he wants to join in. We're all for it, he's not an idiot and generally gets the concept of RPGs. He rolls up an elven fighter, not necessarily the most original of choices, but hey. It's his first character. He proceeds to name him (sigh) LEGOLAS, but whatever. as one of the magic items on an adventure, the DM gives him a unicorn bow. For those of you who dont remember these, they were basically a +3 bow of appropriate type, except they can fire an arrow of slaying at any creature that has killed a unicorn. this guy was a veteran of video game rpgs, so he didnt quite grasp the concept that a special feature for a magic item might NEVER come into play. especially one that obscure. what follows is a rough transcript of the conversation that occurred before EVERY subsequent combat encounter:

    Player of Leggy: "hey, do you think any of these guys have killed a unicorn?"
    Other Player: "ummm... they're kobolds, dude. I seriously doubt it."

    the best joke that resulted from this player's obsession with unicorn-slaying peon monsters was that the penultimate encounter of one adventure was combat with an ancient red dragon. less than 10 rounds in, three of our four meat shields were down for the count, and the rest of the party wasnt exactly having a whole lot of luck even mildly inconveniencing this thing, much less actually bringing it down. I happened to be sitting next to the DM at this point; and I see, out of the corner of my eye, that there is something scrawled in red ink in the margins of the DM's otherwise plain black and white adventure notes. it caught my eye, and I couldnt help it. once I read it, I started laughing uncontrollably. The other players thought I was having an episode or something, but what the DM had scrawled into his notes, obviously 10 minutes ago was the words "has killed unicorns" next to the dragon's stats.
    Last edited by LordSintax; 2009-02-21 at 03:32 PM.
    "Hey, look. I just regenerated a finger... Guess which one?"

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    Key to the understanding of all religions is that a god's idea of entertainment is Snakes and Ladders with greased rungs.

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