101 Crates in a Smuggler's Hold

[NRSASD]

Hey Playground! What are some things that could be onboard a D&D smuggler's ship? Specifically, I'm looking for labelled crates to place in a hold where the PCs wake up. Every entry on the list should have the crate's label and its contents. As always, thanks in advance!

1. Birdsworth and Featheringjay's Fine Foreign Furniture. Contents: Three mahogany kenku perches, one of which is hollow and filled with small, unmarked gemstones.

2. Duskveil's Herbal Emporium. Contents: A small, sealed box containing a silken pouch of powdered Exile's Rose, a rare Fey spice.

3. Unlabelled, but the crate is very water damaged. Contents: An ancient ivory statuette of a lovecraftian entity that exudes a perpetual miasma of dampness and unease.

[JellyPooga]

A Mystic, a farm-boy, the smuggler himself and his pet wookie half-orc?

[Jay R]

4. XXX: barrel of rum. [In fact, there is a small waterproof package inside. This is an attempt to smuggle an important item - small artifact, crown jewels, etc. - so that the smugglers themselves don't know what they are carrying.]

5. Munitions: a crate of arrows being sent to the ogre wars. In fact, it contains 200 arrows of ogre slaying.

[Potato_Priest]

6. A crate full of dangerous spell components. -
Assorted Bat Guano: 2 boxes. Pinches of Sulfur: 6 Boxes.

[Jay R]

7. An ornate coffin. Empty.
Roll for initiative.

[Lazymancer]

8. Neatly packaged barrel with dried-up gelatinous cube. Just add water.

9. Beatuful sword. A relic stolen from some order of paladins. Opening lead-lined box means that they can finally scry on it.

10. Twenty suspicious books written in some incomprehensible language. The writer was just mad and not possessed by some malevolent entity - contrary to the belief of owners, who intend to decipher books at all costs.
11. Stoned gnome. He has no idea where he is or how he had gotten there, but the party was awesome.

[gmoyes]

12. Your newest party member
13. Pocket dimension

[Nifft]

14. Thousands of live spiders, which are a well-known spell component for spider climb. Also this crate has a false bottom, because who's going to check?

[Sredni Vashtar]

15. A dozen lifelike statues and a case of Stone to Flesh scrolls. (Whether or not the smuggler knows they're transporting slaves is up to the GM.)

[hymer]

16: Self-sealing stem bolts. Contains self-sealing stem bolts.

[Guizonde]

17: rations, assorted: contains enough long-lasting rations (think salted meats, hardtack) to make for 45 days of food for one person.
18: whale blubber: contains blubber to be used as fuel in oil lamps, among other things.
19: gnomish underwear (used): actually contains clean underwear, with a false-bottom containing recreational drugs.
20: writing materials, assorted: contains parchment, powdered ink, quills, charcoal sticks, and sharpeners.

[LordCdrMilitant]

It helps to know for what purpose his cargo is bound.

He could be smuggling ordinary goods through a blockade, weapons to a resistance [or less savory organization], people over a controlled border [in or out], illegal drugs, etc..


I'd hazard he already has buyers lined up for everything he's transporting, and his cargo to be generally consistent.

[NRSASD]

@LordCdrMilitant The smuggler in question is an opportunist, with multiple ventures lined up all along the coast. No major wars, but a lot of criminal traffic, cults, illegal magic, and revolutionary sleeper cells waiting for the opportune moment.

@Everyone else: Loving the input so far! Thanks!

21. Lord Bentley’s Gnomish Preserves- Extra Piquant Private Collection. Contents: a magically stasis-ed ochre jelly. Opening the barrel incorrectly turns the zesty marmalade into a confused and angry jelly

22. Clangsworth Ironworks. Contents: various wrought iron cooking ware. A magical cold iron warhammer of Fey Slaying (fey smashing?) is concealed in the crate’s false bottom

23. Handle with Caution: Contains Live Tiger! Contents: a live, 100% genuine real tiger. You wouldn’t think it’d fit in a shoe box, but wizards are tricky like that. Opening the shoe box naturally restores the tiger to its full size and poor disposition.

[Jama7301]

24. A sleeping dog, the pet of a foreign noble.

[denthor]

25 perfume

26 ordinary vegetables

27 black onyx spell component for animate dead.

28. Statuettes of Evil deties.

29 poison of different types str. dex change

[Adeon Hawkwood]

30. Label says Steel Plowshares, crate is actually full of Longswords.

31. Label says Straw and the crate is indeed full of simple straw. Careful examination reveals that the crate itself is constructed from Darkwood which has been carefully disguised as common oak.

32. Three crates containing Charcoal, Saltpeter and Sulfur. The crates are poorly constructed and have been haphazardly stacked resulting some of the contents spilling and intermixing.

33. Label says Noodle Implements. Crate contains 37 clay jugs, 50ft of hemp rope, a small bag of iron nails, a single spiked gauntlet and a bullseye lantern.

[Nifft]

33. Label says Noodle Implements. Crate contains [CONTENTS SCRUBBED]

"I already told you, we are NOT TALKING about the Noodle Implements!"

[Jay R]

31. Crate is labeled "Handle with Care. Velociraptor Eggs." Skittering noises are heard inside. Put anything you want in it; nobody's going to open it.

32. Label says, "Open crate in an flat, bare area at least 20 feet in diameter. Property of Leomund." Actual contents: a bounce house.

[khadgar567]

33. common merchant gear loaded wagon on hidden false bottom bunch of elven slaves.

[Archpaladin Zousha]

34. A live Sumatran Rat-Monkey. Don't let the thing scratch you!

[Nifft]

35. A portable hole full of dimensional lint, which is lint found in pocket dimensions. Nobody knows why it exists or how it can be used.

36. Seven disassembled stage coaches, each one a different size, for an upcoming event named the Road of Seven Carts. There's a note that the carts must be assembled in the correct order.

[khadgar567]

34. A live Sumatran Rat-Monkey. Don't let the thing scratch you!

rolls for smite damage where in the burning heavens this thing came from.

[Deliverance]

37. An airtight crate labeled "Agricultural Implements".

The crate contains two dead peasants dressed in farm clothing. They are rather ripe, having probably been dead for a few weeks.


38. A crate labeled "Inflatable Succubus. Do not penetrate."

The crate is empty save a message carved on the inside of the lid, saying "Gone shopping." The carving appears to have been done with a claw or a very sharp and hard nail.


39. A large crate labeled "Fragile. Right side up. Open in case of Apocalypse. Some assembly required."

When the crate is opened, blue smoke billows forth. It is harmless and soon replaced by air from the surroundings, but might surprise the players.

The crate contains a four-poster bed on which lies a pretty elven woman in the bloom of youth dressed in a wedding dress. Next to her feet on the bed is a chess board with pieces in their starting position, yet it appears some pieces are missing.

Examining the chess board reveals that the black king has been broken in half, the top half lying next to the board and the bottom half in its rightful place, and that the white queen and the black g8 knight are missing.

The woman appears to be sleeping at first, but a closer examination reveals that she's not breathing and exhibits no signs of life but is nevertheless perfectly preserved with no signs of decomposition. She clutches something in her right hand.

Prying open the fingers of the right hand reveals the missing black rook.

Removing her dress reveals a narrow incision down the centre of her torso, which allows it to be opened up. Doing so reveals that her lungs, heart, kidneys, and intestines have been removed.

Anybody looking under the bed will discover a collection of six jars and a note with assembly instructions (requiring rare ingredients/and or magic as desired by the DM, but something that definitely requires adventuring to acquire). These jars contain the internal organs mentioned above, perfectly preserved.

Anybody moving the bed without looking under it risk knocking over one or more jars.

Assembling the elf in accordance with the instructions results in a looping telepathic broadcast of "Too Soon! You have assembled me too soon! What is the meaning of this?", that repeats every minute in the heads of anybody within sixty foot range of the body. The volume of each telepathic broadcast appears to be random, everything from a faint whisper to a roar drowning out all thought. There are no other results and the source of the broadcast cannot be divined.

Disassembling the elf and placing her organs in jars like they were before assembly will stop the broadcast. (Any jars will work, but no other containers.)

The elf's body and organs do not detect as magic, as living, as unliving, ... She's a black hole as far as divination is concerned.

The elf cannot be returned to life in any way, nor can lore checks or divination reveal anything beyond the facts that the elf has previously been assembled by various people, most of whom came to a bad end.

Even more work will reveal names and details about some of these people, which would be an excellent place to hang plot hooks for other adventures.

The players can do whatever they want with the elf's body - it will remain lifeless. Circus attraction, centerpiece of a new religion, necrophilia service, mantel conversation piece, egg timer (if broadcasting), or perhaps it might be used as a prop for a con. Anything goes.

While the body does not decompose, it can be damaged by other means. Should it suffer more than 50% damage or any of its assembly kit internal organs be destroyed, the body will instantly vanish and a few years later, somewhere in the world, somebody will unexpectedly find a large crate labeled "Fragile. Right side up. Open in case of Apocalypse. Some assembly required." with the elf, a new four-poster-bed, jars, chess board, instructions, blue smoke, and everything else prepared in exactly the same state the players found it.

--- Goes without saying that you can use any sex/any race for this. I went for the classical sleeping beauty faerytale approach.


(No. I don't know whether this elf was once a living elf, whether it is some sort of elf golem or construct, whether it is a divine practical joke or an essential tool come whatever local variant of an apocalypse your setting features. I invented it to be a true mystery, a curiosity and a wonder, something for the players to never be able to figure out but still be able to put to some use if they were creative. And players can be so endlessly creative.)

[Archpaladin Zousha]

rolls for smite damage where in the burning heavens this thing came from.

From the Peter Jackson movie BrainDead (or DeadAlive, depending on where you watch it):



It makes zombies.

[Gwynfrid]

40. "In case of Fire or Hot Pursuit: Break Glass". The crate's top is indeed made of glass, showing nothing but fog inside. If the cover is broken, a dense, extremely damp mist pours out, in a cloud that expands at the rate of 30' radius per round for 15 minutes. The crate continues to generate more mist for 1 hour, covering a zone of 1 mile radius centered on the crate. It then dissipates naturally, depending on wind and sunshine conditions in the location. The mist is so thick and damp that it duplicates the effects of both Obscuring Mist and Quench spells (or equivalent effects in systems other than D&D).

41. "Lord Belial's Cellar - Item #114362A-56". The crate contains 25 pickled imps. The imps are reduced to 1/10 their natural size and preserved in a mixture of vinegar, sulfur and a few unsavory alchemical additives. If taken out of the barrel, an imp is initially in a comatose state. Left undisturbed, it wakes up in 1d6 rounds, and grows back to its normal size in 1d6 minutes. It is free to act as it pleases.

[NRSASD]

Loving the ideas! Here's a handful I just used in my campaign.

42. A burlap sack labelled "Chicken Scratch": Since chicken scratch is kenku mafia slang for protection money, it contained 11,305 silver pieces in small, unmarked currency.

43. A stout crate labelled "Dwarven Laundry": contains a dirty but fully functional suit of half-plate

44. A crate reinforced with steel and wrapped in chains. Labelled "Caution! Do Not Open! Venomous Bagpipes Within!": contains several bagpipes, one of which just might be full of poison.

45. A large barrel labelled "Proscribed and Seditious Contents; do not shake!": contains a radical and controversial elven anarchist poet

46. A sealed casket labelled "Do not open! Gentle Repose in effect. Reward of 2000 gp if delivered intact to 537 Godswalk, Meroe": contains a dead adventurer being shipped to a friendly temple for resurrection

[hymer]

47: Educational materials. Contains a frozen cow carcass which could thaw into some high quality steak given time.

[Landon_Guss]

48. "Helm of Selachimorpha" and inside is a helmet and face mask built from the skull of a shark enchanted with the ability to telepathically communicate with all sharks in a 1 square mile radius (hence the term Selachimorpha which is the suborder that sharks belong to). Could be an entertaining ability to gain while on the deck of a smuggling ship.

[Nifft]

49. Werewolf Tonic. Bottles of mildly scented liquid that cause hair to grow when splashed upon skin. Side effects include lunacy. Consult your druid before using.

[JenBurdoo]

50. A small, beautifully carved wooden case with silver fittings, locked and covered with hazard stickers and dire warnings. "Do not open! This means you!" Contains a Deck of Many Things.