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2012-07-12, 11:26 PM (ISO 8601)
- Join Date
- May 2009
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2012-07-12, 11:27 PM (ISO 8601)
- Join Date
- Jun 2006
- Location
- Dinosaur Museum aw yisss.
- Gender
Re: Relationship Woes and Advice 22: In Which Two Problems Prevent Each Others' Solut
Logic: Just that if someone wants to have lots of sex with lots of different people, or no sex with no people, or a little bit of sex with very few people, that's their choice and no one else's, and no one else gets to decide how much they should or should not be having, and I'm unlikely to have much respect for anyone who thinks they do.
...outside of the context of a relationship, where there are specific understandings between its members, of course.Last edited by Serpentine; 2012-07-12 at 11:34 PM.
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2012-07-12, 11:28 PM (ISO 8601)
- Join Date
- Jul 2008
- Location
- Broken Damaged Worthless
Re: Relationship Woes and Advice 22: In Which Two Problems Prevent Each Others' Solut
Twice, each time has been unique and entirely worth experiencing, if only to show me how NOT to do things.
Once was in the past and it burned me so bad I went through a phase of hating women. Note that I was rudely awakened from that phase and have worked VERY hard to put those attitudes and thoughts behind me. What one woman does is not what every woman does, I know that now (and honestly, knew it then too, but in the throes of pain it can be hard to see the truth of one's actions). If you want to bash me for being a misogynist bastard, please know that I actively fight against such things now and recognize that I was in the wrong then. Also, please do so in PMs, not here.
The second time was very recently and was not entirely reciprocated. The takeaway here is that sometimes love can exist without physical intimacy and that such a love is as fulfilling as more physical relationships. This was the moment where I decided that "love" is just not a suitable word for my tastes. I've since turned to Greek, with agape, eros, philia, and storges. If you know your Greek loves, then when I say that this love is philia you'll understand. I don't keep up with her that much right now, but that's to mollify her fiancee more than anything, who doesn't really understand the situation. I'm quite pleased with the situation, and happy to know that room enough in my heart exists for multiple forms of love.
EDIT: Oh, right, age. I'm 24 as of October.Last edited by arguskos; 2012-07-12 at 11:37 PM.
All that I say applies only to myself. You author your own actions and choices. I cannot and will not be responsible for you, nor are you for me, regardless of situation or circumstance.
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2012-07-12, 11:34 PM (ISO 8601)
- Join Date
- Apr 2006
- Location
- WA, USA
- Gender
Re: Relationship Woes and Advice 22: In Which Two Problems Prevent Each Others' Solut
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2012-07-12, 11:35 PM (ISO 8601)
- Join Date
- May 2009
Re: Relationship Woes and Advice 22: In Which Two Problems Prevent Each Others' Solut
I'm 22, been in love one and a half times, and have had one relationship. I say one and a half because there's this one girl I know where it started as a crush, but the more I got to know her the more I genuinely liked her, until it turned into a deep and abiding respect and desire for her. However, circumstances aren't in favor of a relationship, so I haven't made a move on her; but if anything ever did happen between us, I know I would fall head-over-heels for her.
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2012-07-12, 11:36 PM (ISO 8601)
- Join Date
- Nov 2008
Re: Relationship Woes and Advice 22: In Which Two Problems Prevent Each Others' Solut
Thirty. Six relationships, although the number is somewhat fuzzy since I'm prone to defacto situations where we never get around to D'ing the R. (I think I've done that exactly once, and that was by accident.) Incapable of love.
And I do think the "history should never factor into one's decisions" is a stupid ideological point. Much better to control the terms of the debate. There's a difference between someone with a colorful history because they just happen to like sex (which is actually useful information to help avoid a libido mismatch), someone who had lots of sex as a way to distract from other issues (which focuses the conversation squarely on said issues, and to what degree they've been resolved), and someone who's had lots of sex due to a bizarre virgin/whore dichotomy (which I've experienced my fair share of). The trick is to move away from using number as the whole of the conversation.
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2012-07-12, 11:41 PM (ISO 8601)
- Join Date
- Sep 2009
- Location
- NYC
Re: Relationship Woes and Advice 22: In Which Two Problems Prevent Each Others' Solut
*comes out from under invisibility cloak*
The sexism discussion is over for now, yes? Good. Because I get the feeling I'm about to start it again.
I've come to an epiphany about my life as a social/sexual/romantic/InsertCategoryHere being.
Pretty much all of the relationships (and attempts at such) in which I was involved were initiated by the girl, and my romantic interest in her simply did not exist until she did something that clued me in that she may have feelings for me. I've been asked to prom, invited to shopping trips, been roped into making a fool of myself on the dance floor (I reckoned I'd look the bigger fool if I'd just let her grind against me as if I were a stripper pole). And before each of these encounters, I had barely any awareness of their existence (I was literally unsure of my prom date's name and had to ask for her number to cover up this lack of knowledge).
So basically, I'm either asexual or incredibly spineless. Possibly both.
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2012-07-12, 11:53 PM (ISO 8601)
- Join Date
- Nov 2008
Re: Relationship Woes and Advice 22: In Which Two Problems Prevent Each Others' Solut
Wait. Is this that you're only attracted when your face is rubbed in something, or that you're clueless that these people like you until they rub your face in it?
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2012-07-13, 12:56 AM (ISO 8601)
- Join Date
- Aug 2011
- Location
- Land of Fans and Music
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2012-07-13, 01:15 AM (ISO 8601)
- Join Date
- Mar 2008
- Location
- GMT -8:00
- Gender
Re: Relationship Woes and Advice 22: In Which Two Problems Prevent Each Others' Solut
Misogynist.
Uhm. On-topic, I'm twenty years old, been in one relationship and one semi-serious confusing dating thing (neither of which lasted longer than three months), and I haven't been in love. Except that I think I fell in love with my first ex (from the relationship) directly after and as a reaction to us breaking up, but I don't think that counted as love.
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2012-07-13, 01:32 AM (ISO 8601)
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- Nov 2008
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Re: Relationship Woes and Advice 22: In Which Two Problems Prevent Each Others' Solut
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2012-07-13, 04:19 AM (ISO 8601)
- Join Date
- Oct 2008
- Location
- Freljord
Re: Relationship Woes and Advice 22: In Which Two Problems Prevent Each Others' Solut
I turned 22 today and I've only really been in love once. I've been in one relationship, but it wasn't with that person. I've felt strongly about people at more occassions, but those can, in the end, be better described as infatuation, lust or crushes and in one case even perhaps desperation (which occurred after the ending of my relationship).
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2012-07-13, 04:29 AM (ISO 8601)
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- Sep 2008
- Location
- UK
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Re: Relationship Woes and Advice 22: In Which Two Problems Prevent Each Others' Solut
This is actually a mcuh tougher question than it appears.
I really have trouble distinguishing between love, lust and crushes and sometimes I'll act on a crush resulting in a rather large amount of personal embarassment.
I'm 30 and I've been in a grand total of 1 relationship and even with that one, I don't know if I could class it as someone being in love with me. Certainly, I loved her but it was always me that said "I love you" in the relationship. Maybe she was just really guarded with her feelings but then that's not exactly an encouraging sign either.
I was in love once when I was a teenager but it was very much of the unrequited sort and when I eventually plucked up the courage to tell her, she freaked out completely, which did wonders for my self confidence. -.-
I think I have a better grip on myself these days and although I'm not going to win any modelling awards, I feel comfortable with myself for the first time in many years. There's still that nasty feeling whenever I fall for someone that they're going to freak out if I tell them how I feel but I've learned that unrequited love is a recipe for insanity if you keep it bottled up for too long. If the person says no, yeah, it is heartbreaking but it's a lot better than letting your mind eat away at itself.
So my question to you is - how can you tell the difference between love, lusts and crushes? Because they all seem pretty much identical to me.
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2012-07-13, 05:49 AM (ISO 8601)
- Join Date
- Aug 2006
- Location
- Leeds, UK
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Re: Relationship Woes and Advice 22: In Which Two Problems Prevent Each Others' Solut
Last edited by Castaras; 2012-07-13 at 05:49 AM.
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~ The Succubus
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2012-07-13, 06:24 AM (ISO 8601)
- Join Date
- Mar 2011
- Gender
Re: Relationship Woes and Advice 22: In Which Two Problems Prevent Each Others' Solut
I don't think you're the exception, I think the guys (and girls) who go around hooking up for one-night stands are. Most people I know have higher standards than "has functional genitalia and is putting out".
Rape... yeah, that's a sword that can cut both ways. Men being raped may be less common (I don't know the numbers off-hand), and is certainly under-reported due to being shamed by it (e.g., "you couldn't fend off a woman?! pansy...").
And oftentimes when a woman accuses a man of rape it ruins her life too because of all the social stigma and victim-blaming and whatnot.
And...I think I'm done here because I need to take a shower and get ready for work and I can't do that when I keep saying, "What? What? What? I don't even."
I'm eighteen, cismale, asexual. I've only ever been in love once, and that's the same number of people I've ever had a crush on.Jude P.
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2012-07-13, 06:25 AM (ISO 8601)
- Join Date
- Sep 2009
- Location
- NYC
Re: Relationship Woes and Advice 22: In Which Two Problems Prevent Each Others' Solut
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2012-07-13, 08:08 AM (ISO 8601)
- Join Date
- Dec 2011
Re: Relationship Woes and Advice 22: In Which Two Problems Prevent Each Others' Solut
{{Scrubbed}}
Last edited by LibraryOgre; 2012-07-13 at 03:48 PM.
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2012-07-13, 08:39 AM (ISO 8601)
- Join Date
- Apr 2008
- Location
- Seattle, WA
- Gender
Re: Relationship Woes and Advice 22: In Which Two Problems Prevent Each Others' Solut
See, differing definitions! It probably has to do with the fact that I spent the first 23 years of my life in WA (and only 2 in PA), and so the entire mid-west/east coast kind of melded into a vague "it's over there somewhere" in my mind. In fact, I only learned a few weeks ago that NY isn't part of New England... I may have known that at some point, but NY was part of New England in my mind.
And thanks, Serp! She's wrangling kids (to use her term; and middle schoolers) at a 10 day choir competition right now (it ends tomorrow). She hasn't responded to the text I sent last Saturday or on Monday, but when we exchanged texts on Friday, she had kids in all levels of disfunction - fainting, projectile vomit, and "other sickness" (multiples of each) - so I'm guessing/hoping that it's just stress and dealing with that which caused her not to reply to my more recent texts. Prior to that, we had exchanged a few messages over OKC (4-5 paragraphs per message after my opener, I gave her my number on my 3rd message) and then exchanged a few texts each day from Tuesday through Friday (including her texting me within 20 minutes of giving her my number). So I'm taking it as good signs with stress causing a lack of communication. I plan to double-check when the competition ends tomorrow (website), and then either text her in the evening or Sunday, depending on when I'm guessing she's done wrangling kids.
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2012-07-13, 08:42 AM (ISO 8601)
- Join Date
- Dec 2011
Re: Relationship Woes and Advice 22: In Which Two Problems Prevent Each Others' Solut
Rogueboy, you're on the right track, but not really correct. Virgins were valued in primitive farming societies because it was the only way to know that the first kid was actually yours.
Typically, the first male child inherits everything, so making sure the kid is actually yours is important. If shes not a virgin, she could have gotten knocked up before the wedding.
Children were a valuable asset, and it was important that you confirmed that she could give you your own children.
Nowadays, people don't look at children as an asset. Kids are great, but from a financial perpective, they're a liability.
IMO, this ties in to why there's still much more of a stigma about this sort of thing in rural communities, but its almost dissapeared in the cities.
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2012-07-13, 09:15 AM (ISO 8601)
- Join Date
- Apr 2008
- Location
- Seattle, WA
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Re: Relationship Woes and Advice 22: In Which Two Problems Prevent Each Others' Solut
I'll be the first to admit that I hadn't really considered inheritance, but I think it's because I was thinking even earlier in 'society', going back closer to more in the hunter/gatherer mode. But I definitely agree that your agriculture-based argument is a lot stronger than whatever it is I was thinking of (I was tired, I forget exactly what I was thinking when I wrote it).
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2012-07-13, 09:51 AM (ISO 8601)
- Join Date
- Jun 2006
- Location
- Under Mt. Ebott
- Gender
Re: Relationship Woes and Advice 22: In Which Two Problems Prevent Each Others' Solut
24 years old, and never anything I would call love. A couple crushes that I did not feel worth it to pursue, and that's it. Unsusrprisingly, the number of relationships would be zero. But I am probably not the best example to base whether you fall for people too little or too much, given I tend to have problems even with the "actually getting attracted to someone" bit that seems to come so naturally to most people .
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2012-07-13, 10:06 AM (ISO 8601)
- Join Date
- Oct 2008
- Location
- Bologna, Italy
- Gender
Re: Relationship Woes and Advice 22: In Which Two Problems Prevent Each Others' Solut
33, four relationships, been in love exactly once (I'm telling this in hindsight).
Sadly, that "once" (which happened around 6 years ago) was the last time I was able to look at / talk to / hold a woman and feel anything.
Now I still see women I'd like to date, who I find interesting, or kind, or nice, or beautiful enough to trigger a lust effect... but loving them? lulz.
I really really fear I've more or less consciously given up to the whole thing.
And that, at 33, scares the hell out of me.
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2012-07-13, 10:26 AM (ISO 8601)
- Join Date
- Mar 2006
- Location
- Charlottesville
- Gender
Re: Relationship Woes and Advice 22: In Which Two Problems Prevent Each Others' Solut
None
Supplemental questions: how old are you
and how many relationships have you had?
Yes, I'm aware I'm kind of pathetic. I just can't seem to meet anyone who's attracted more to me than other guys around (or attracted to me at all).Last edited by Sholos; 2012-07-13 at 10:28 AM.
Tali avatar by the talented Thormag.
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2012-07-13, 11:39 AM (ISO 8601)
- Join Date
- Jun 2006
- Location
- Dinosaur Museum aw yisss.
- Gender
Re: Relationship Woes and Advice 22: In Which Two Problems Prevent Each Others' Solut
The Iron Avatarist Hall of Fame!
Prizes(Un)Official Best Playground Avatarist Competition
----
Also, buy my stuff! T-Shirts too!
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2012-07-13, 11:47 AM (ISO 8601)
- Join Date
- Aug 2011
- Location
- Land of Fans and Music
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2012-07-13, 12:08 PM (ISO 8601)
- Join Date
- Jun 2006
- Location
- Dinosaur Museum aw yisss.
- Gender
Re: Relationship Woes and Advice 22: In Which Two Problems Prevent Each Others' Solut
They were joking... You know, "different opinions = misogyny"?
The Iron Avatarist Hall of Fame!
Prizes(Un)Official Best Playground Avatarist Competition
----
Also, buy my stuff! T-Shirts too!
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2012-07-13, 12:22 PM (ISO 8601)
- Join Date
- Aug 2011
- Location
- Land of Fans and Music
Re: Relationship Woes and Advice 22: In Which Two Problems Prevent Each Others' Solut
Hmm... yes but it clearly wasn't very amusing to me; poor comedic timing.
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2012-07-13, 01:30 PM (ISO 8601)
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- Mar 2008
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- GMT -8:00
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2012-07-13, 03:38 PM (ISO 8601)
- Join Date
- Jun 2010
- Gender
Re: Relationship Woes and Advice 22: In Which Two Problems Prevent Each Others' Solut
Once, possibly twice in love. It certainly felt like love at the time, but given the circumstances, I think it's unlikely it was. I've been in 2 "real relationships," one fwb, and one relationships that really was more like a friendship.
And in fact, us Northerners think that Pennsylvania is two cities with Alabama in the middle.
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2012-07-13, 03:43 PM (ISO 8601)
- Join Date
- Dec 2007
- Location
- San Antonio, Texas
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Re: Relationship Woes and Advice 22: In Which Two Problems Prevent Each Others' Solut
The Mod Wonder: Thread closed for scrubbing.
Edit: Thread reopened. I was quite liberal with the scrub-brush, for which I do not apologize. Remember: Do not respond to flames or trolls. Report and, if you can't ignore them personally, ignore them mechanically. If you don't want your insightful comments scrubbed, do not respond to those with inciteful comments.
Last edited by LibraryOgre; 2012-07-13 at 03:51 PM.
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