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  1. - Top - End - #961
    Ettin in the Playground
     
    The Succubus's Avatar

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    Default Re: Crack Pairings II - Brain Bleach not Supplied

    The QarrxLien idea sounds promising - I might have a shot at it tomorrow.

  2. - Top - End - #962
    Colossus in the Playground
     
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    Default Re: Crack Pairings II - Brain Bleach not Supplied

    Whole, 2%, or skim?

    ...Know what? I really won't be able to concentrate until after I eat dinner. So I'll do it now. Here's BelkarxInkyrius, adultery!

    NOTE: IF YOU DO NOT GET IT, SEE THIS YOUTUBE VIDEO OR GOOGLE THE LYRICS
    http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=kRopmfinsWk&feature


    Also note that I consider Inkyrius a guy. I have no clue what gender V is, but I've always seen Kyrie as a man.

    Spoiler
    Show

    "I can't believe there's actually entertainment in this dump of an inn."

    "I personally find it hard to believe that you consider 'karaoke night' as a legitimate form of entertainment," Vaarsuvius muttered, shuddering against the taste of the most pathetic excuse for "fine elven wine" that the elf had ever encountered.

    "Oh come on, V! Let's have some fun!" Elan waved his hands in the air while shouting excitedly, "Ooh! Ooh! Me next! Me next!"

    The last guy drunkenly stumbled off the raised platform; the people in the bar were unsure whether to laugh at him or to boo at him. Compared to Mr. So-Drunk-He-Doesn't-Even-Know-What-A-"Tune"-Is, Elan was a veritable rock star with his mandolin, his admittedly charming, well-pitched voice, and his flair for the dramatic. Almost three-quarters of the audience (Not counting the ones who were on the verge of an alcohol-induced blackout) cheered for him afterwards.

    "Oh man, I've got a good one. Next up is the Belkster!" After a few minutes of fumbling with the mike so it would reach him, Belkar introduced the song by saying, "This actually happened to me a few years back. I was sitting in a backwater tavern (like this one), and..." He began to sing, changing the lyrics to fit his situation.

    "I met her in a club down in Old Elfland
    where you drink elven wine and it tastes just like booze and cola
    C-O-L-A Cola.

    She walked up to me and she asked me to dance.
    I asked her her name and in a dark brown voice she said, "Kyrie"
    IN-KY-RI-US Kyrie, IN-KY-RI-US Kyrie,

    Well, I may be the world's most physical guy,
    but when she squeezed me tight she nearly broke my spine
    Oh my Kyrie, IN-KY-RI-US Kyrie, IN-KY-RI-US Kyrie,

    Well, I'm not dumb but I can't understand
    why she walks like a woman and talks like a man
    Oh my Kyrie, IN-KY-RI-US Kyrie, IN-KY-RI-US Kyrie,

    Well, we drank elven wine and danced all night,
    under electric candlelight,
    she picked me up and sat me on her knee,
    She said, "Little boy won't you come home with me?"

    Well, I'm not the world's most self-restrained guy,
    and when I looked in her eyes,
    I went and fell for my Kyrie,
    IN-KY-RI-US Kyrie, IN-KY-RI-US Kyrie,

    I pushed her away. I walked to the door.
    I fell to the floor. I got down on my knees.
    I looked at her, and she at me.

    Well that's the way that I want it to stay.
    I always want it to be that way for my Kyrie.
    IN-KY-RI-US Kyrie,

    Girls will be boys, and boys will be girls.
    It's a mixed up, muddled up, shook up world,
    except for Kyrie. IN-KY-RI-US Kyrie, IN-KY-RI-US Kyrie,

    Well I left home just a few months before,
    and I never kissed a woman like that before,
    Kyrie smiled and took me by the hand,
    she said, "Little boy, gonna make you a man."

    Well I may be the world's most masculine man,
    so I know what I am and that I'm a man,
    so is Kyrie.
    IN-KY-RI-US Kyrie, IN-KY-RI-US Kyrie,
    " Belkar grinned, "Thank you! Thank you! My room is 216, bring a girlfriend!"

    "..."

    Some people laughed. Some people cheered. Some people stared. But most of the people in the audience were busy forcibly restraining an infuriated, berserking, beyond-enraged Vaarsuvius from blasting Belkar into a fine mist of blood and bone matter right then and there.


    So what do you think?
    Last edited by CoffeeIncluded; 2009-10-06 at 07:02 PM.

  3. - Top - End - #963
    Titan in the Playground
     
    Silverraptor's Avatar

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    Default Re: Crack Pairings II - Brain Bleach not Supplied

    Quote Originally Posted by CoffeeIncluded View Post
    Whole, 2%, or skim?

    ...Know what? I really won't be able to concentrate until after I eat dinner. So I'll do it now. Here's BelkarxInkyrius, adultery!

    NOTE: IF YOU DO NOT GET IT, SEE THIS YOUTUBE VIDEO OR GOOGLE THE LYRICS
    http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=kRopmfinsWk&feature


    Also note that I consider Inkyrius a guy. I have no clue what gender V is, but I've always seen Kyrie as a man.

    Spoiler
    Show

    "I can't believe there's actually entertainment in this dump of an inn."

    "I personally find it hard to believe that you consider 'karaoke night' as a legitimate form of entertainment," Vaarsuvius muttered, shuddering against the taste of the most pathetic excuse for "fine elven wine" that the elf had ever encountered.

    "Oh come on, V! Let's have some fun!" Elan waved his hands in the air while shouting excitedly, "Ooh! Ooh! Me next! Me next!"

    The last guy drunkenly stumbled off the raised platform; the people in the bar were unsure whether to laugh at him or to boo at him. Compared to Mr. So-Drunk-He-Doesn't-Even-Know-What-A-"Tune"-Is, Elan was a veritable rock star with his mandolin, his admittedly charming, well-pitched voice, and his flair for the dramatic. Almost three-quarters of the audience (Not counting the ones who were on the verge of an alcohol-induced blackout) cheered for him afterwards.

    "Oh man, I've got a good one. Next up is the Belkster!" After a few minutes of fumbling with the mike so it would reach him, Belkar introduced the song by saying, "This actually happened to me a few years back. I was sitting in a backwater tavern (like this one), and..." He began to sing, changing the lyrics to fit his situation.

    "I met her in a club down in Old Elfland
    where you drink elven wine and it tastes just like booze and cola
    C-O-L-A Cola.

    She walked up to me and she asked me to dance.
    I asked her her name and in a dark brown voice she said, "Kyrie"
    IN-KY-RI-US Kyrie, IN-KY-RI-US Kyrie,

    Well, I may be the world's most physical guy,
    but when she squeezed me tight she nearly broke my spine
    Oh my Kyrie, IN-KY-RI-US Kyrie, IN-KY-RI-US Kyrie,

    Well, I'm not dumb but I can't understand
    why she walks like a woman and talks like a man
    Oh my Kyrie, IN-KY-RI-US Kyrie, IN-KY-RI-US Kyrie,

    Well, we drank elven wine and danced all night,
    under electric candlelight,
    she picked me up and sat me on her knee,
    She said, "Little boy won't you come home with me?"

    Well, I'm not the world's most self-restrained guy,
    and when I looked in her eyes,
    I went and fell for my Kyrie,
    IN-KY-RI-US Kyrie, IN-KY-RI-US Kyrie,

    I pushed her away. I walked to the door.
    I fell to the floor. I got down on my knees.
    I looked at her, and she at me.

    Well that's the way that I want it to stay.
    I always want it to be that way for my Kyrie.
    IN-KY-RI-US Kyrie,

    Girls will be boys, and boys will be girls.
    It's a mixed up, muddled up, shook up world,
    except for Kyrie. IN-KY-RI-US Kyrie, IN-KY-RI-US Kyrie,

    Well I left home just a few months before,
    and I never kissed a woman like that before,
    Kyrie smiled and took me by the hand,
    she said, "Little boy, gonna make you a man."

    Well I may be the world's most masculine man,
    so I know what I am and that I'm a man,
    so is Kyrie.
    IN-KY-RI-US Kyrie, IN-KY-RI-US Kyrie,
    " Belkar grinned, "Thank you! Thank you! My room is 216, bring a girlfriend!"

    "..."

    Some people laughed. Some people cheered. Some people stared. But most of the people in the audience were busy forcibly restraining an infuriated, berserking, beyond-enraged Vaarsuvius from blasting Belkar into a fine mist of blood and bone matter right then and there.


    So what do you think?
    : "I require a reminder as to why raining arcane destruction is not an appropriate response to all of life's indignities. Quickly please, before he's out of range!

    My own webcomic. Idiosyncrasy.
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  4. - Top - End - #964
    Barbarian in the Playground
     
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    Default Re: Crack Pairings II - Brain Bleach not Supplied

    Silverraptor: both of your stories say Kabuto, instead of Kubota. The latter is a Japanese surname; the former means helmet. Otherwise, I have no complaints.

  5. - Top - End - #965
    Titan in the Playground
     
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    Default Re: Crack Pairings II - Brain Bleach not Supplied

    Quote Originally Posted by pearl jam View Post
    Silverraptor: both of your stories say Kabuto, instead of Kubota. The latter is a Japanese surname; the former means helmet. Otherwise, I have no complaints.
    I'm just a bad speller. I may go back and change them if I so wish.
    My own webcomic. Idiosyncrasy.
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  6. - Top - End - #966
    Orc in the Playground
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    Default Re: Crack Pairings II - Brain Bleach not Supplied

    Quote Originally Posted by pearl jam View Post
    Silverraptor: both of your stories say Kabuto, instead of Kubota. The latter is a Japanese surname; the former means helmet. Otherwise, I have no complaints.
    The former is also a pokemon.
    Politics is the most accurate word in the English language. "Poli" in Latin meaning "Many" and
    "tics" meaning "little insects"

  7. - Top - End - #967
    Barbarian in the Playground
     
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    Default Re: Crack Pairings II - Brain Bleach not Supplied

    I wouldn't say it's a matter of bad spelling as much as familiarity. If you knew a lot of people named Kubota, you'd probably be able to spell it without difficulty. But, since it's unfamiliar, Kabuto could just as easily be correct.

    Actually, my favorite misspelling of Kubota is Kobuta, because that means little pig.

  8. - Top - End - #968
    Colossus in the Playground
     
    CoffeeIncluded's Avatar

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    Default Re: Crack Pairings II - Brain Bleach not Supplied

    Did I help you feel better?

    (If it's not rude to ask, which of the ones I've done so far is your favorite, and why? Also, any constructive criticism/comments? Sorry if I'm being so in-your-face about it.)

  9. - Top - End - #969
    Titan in the Playground
     
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    Default Re: Crack Pairings II - Brain Bleach not Supplied

    Quote Originally Posted by CoffeeIncluded View Post
    Did I help you feel better?

    (If it's not rude to ask, which of the ones I've done so far is your favorite, and why? Also, any constructive criticism/comments? Sorry if I'm being so in-your-face about it.)
    Yes, you made me feel better. Thank you.
    My own webcomic. Idiosyncrasy.
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  10. - Top - End - #970
    Titan in the Playground
     
    MindFlayer

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    Default Re: Crack Pairings II - Brain Bleach not Supplied

    Hey, lets stop getting down and feeling bad, and start laughing about some stupidly hilarious crack pairings.

    I am about to roll 3 pairings. Whatever they are, I will write them. Which may or may not be a good idea on my part.


    Gulp...

    *rolls some dice*



    Pairing 1:
    Redcloak x Hinjo

    Pairing 2:
    Crystal x The Chimera

    Pairing 3:
    Roy's Sword x Belkar



    Ahem.

    WHY DID I MAKE THAT PROMISE?!
    Anemoia: Nostalgia for a time you've never known.

  11. - Top - End - #971
    Colossus in the Playground
     
    CoffeeIncluded's Avatar

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    Default Re: Crack Pairings II - Brain Bleach not Supplied

    *Grabs popcorn*

    Roy's Sword and Vaarsuvius are the official bikes of the Crack Pairing thread. Everyone gets a ride!

    ...
    .........
    ................

    DIBS ON ROY'S SWORDXVAARSUVIUS!


    (Uh...Did you see my four earlier ones? Not to be rude or anything.)
    Last edited by CoffeeIncluded; 2009-10-06 at 07:52 PM.

  12. - Top - End - #972
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    MindFlayer

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    Default Re: Crack Pairings II - Brain Bleach not Supplied

    Quite frankly, I'm scared to read anyone's work right now. I'm still trying to sweep up the ashes of my cerebral cortex... When I get the chance, though, I'll go back and read them. Now then, I'm off to corrupt my soul...
    Anemoia: Nostalgia for a time you've never known.

  13. - Top - End - #973
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    Default Re: Crack Pairings II - Brain Bleach not Supplied

    Quote Originally Posted by Lycan 01 View Post
    Quite frankly, I'm scared to read anyone's work right now. I'm still trying to sweep up the ashes of my cerebral cortex... When I get the chance, though, I'll go back and read them. Now then, I'm off to corrupt my soul...
    Well, my recent one is really creepy. But the one before has been hailed as really funny.

    So I don't know what you're going to do there.
    My own webcomic. Idiosyncrasy.
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  14. - Top - End - #974
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    Default Re: Crack Pairings II - Brain Bleach not Supplied

    Having trouble with the HxRC fic, so lets see what sort of modifier I can roll to help me come up with ideas...

    *rolls a 15*

    WHY!?

    Hinjo x Redcloak, with high heels and black leather
    Spoiler
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    Redcloak needed to see a psychiatrist. Severely. It hadn't been too bad at first. He'd been having dreams about the Order of the Stick and their allies, although they were all sitting in a tavern getting drunk and enjoying each other's company. But the dreams started to get stranger. Over time, he and the leader of Azure City, Hinjo, would sit down at a table and tell jokes and funny stories back and forth. With every dream, the story progressed. Jokes and stories turned into friendly banter. Friendly banter turned into personal discussion. Personal discussion eventually turned into an invitation upstairs into Hinjo's room. That invitation turned into something... unspeakable. The dreams got worse and worse, but Redcloak thought it was just his subconscious playing merry havok with his mind. But he finally decided he needed help when his dream self broke out the high heeled boots, black leather underwear, and a bullwhip.


    Urrrrgh... I'm okay. Lets move on to the next one...


    Crystal x The Chimera
    Spoiler
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    Somewhere in the Neutral Evil afterlife, Crystal was sitting in a tavern knocking back another tankard of beer. The Neutral Evil afterlife was okay... there were peasants to burn, villages to kill... But it got old fast. The people she wanted to kill weren't killable, and she couldn't do a thing about it. "Grrrr..." she growled, suddenly throwing her beer across the counter. "DARN YOU, HALEY, AND YOUR STUPID ORDER!!"

    "And what Order would that be?" inquired a trio of voices from nearby. Looking over, Crystal noticed a Chimera hunched over at a nearby table, casually sipping from three mugs of ale. "We couldn't help but overhear that outburst..."

    "Meh..." Crystal huffed. "I think they're called the Order of the Stick."

    "Oh..." the Chimera snarled. "Them... Yeah, they sent us here, too..."

    "Really, now?" Crystal arched an eyebrow. "How'd that come about?"

    -20 MINUTES LATER-

    "You should have seen the looks on the kids' faces when I told them I wasn't the clown!" Crystal giggled. "Oh man, birthday parties are a hoot..."

    "HAH HAH HAH HAH HAH HAH!!!" the trio of Chimeric heads laughed.

    -2 HOURS LATER-

    "Oooooh, no..." Crystal frowned indignantly, rejecting the Chimera's offer to join them in their room upstairs. "I'm not drunk enough for that..."

    -5 MINUTES LATER-

    "Okay," Cyrstal giggled, putting down her twelth jug of booze, "I'm drunk enough now..."

    -THE NEXT MORNING-

    "Sooo..." Crystal broke the awkward silence, looking over at the Chimera that she was sharing a bed with. "I don't suppose you know how you got her either, do you?"


    Eek... Well, that wasn't so bad... On to the last one...

    Belkar x Roy's Sword
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    Belkar kicked Roy's skull. "Good job, idiot..." he grumbled, kicking the skull again. "Way to screw everything up..." Celia and Haley had gone ahead to check out a small hamlet they'd seen while scouting, and they'd instructed him to stay behind with Roy. And they'd also mentioned, as they left, that they'd be back sometime after dusk - several hours from now. "If you hadn't died, I'd be able to bask in the blood of my foes without getting FUBAR'ed by some old geezer's magic tricks. And I'll admit... it was fun to see you hack through folks with that big sword of yours."

    Belkar looked over at Roy's sword, which had somehow ended up lodged between Roy's ribs. Boy, had that been fun to explain to a travelling Paladin they'd happened upon... Belkar found himself staring at the blade. "You know, I wonder how many people that thing has killed over the years. How many organs it has spilled. How much blood has drizzled down... down..." Belkar suddenly felt very sick to his stomach. Had thinking about a sword really made him feel like that? He knew he was a sick person, but was he THAT sick? Still... He was curious. The sword was generations old. Generations of adventuring. Generations of hacking through tasty little chunks of XP. Generations... It had probably done more killing than he could ever dream of. He felt jealous. He also felt... odd. "No. No, no, noooo..." Belkar shook his head. "There's no way a sword is turning me on..."

    But he still couldn't stop staring at it. He found himself slowly approaching it, unaware of his actions. Slowly, he reached out a hand. For some odd reason... he wanted to touch it. He wanted his fingers to gently grace its cold steel surface. To softly carress the veteran blade. After all... what harm could come from just one touch?

    An hour later, Belkar made Mr. Scruffy swear to secrecy the sights he'd seen that day. He also began to work on a cover story for why several health potions had suddenly gone missing during the girls' absence.



    Right, so is brain bleach more effective if poured in the ears, ingested orally, or injected derectly through the base of the skull?
    Last edited by Lycan 01; 2009-10-06 at 08:40 PM.
    Anemoia: Nostalgia for a time you've never known.

  15. - Top - End - #975
    Colossus in the Playground
     
    CoffeeIncluded's Avatar

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    Default Re: Crack Pairings II - Brain Bleach not Supplied

    *Snorts* Nice. Really nice. (Except that there was a typo with the italics in the last one, and in the second it should have been peasants to kill and villages to burn.)

    *Passes over mug of 300-proof Brain Acid* Just in case.

    (That strong enough for you?)

    Well, the problem is how you get the acid/bleach to your brain in the first place. Your eyes might be a good bet.
    Last edited by CoffeeIncluded; 2009-10-06 at 08:42 PM.

  16. - Top - End - #976
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    Default Re: Crack Pairings II - Brain Bleach not Supplied

    Quote Originally Posted by CoffeeIncluded View Post
    *Snorts* Nice. Really nice. (Except that there was a typo with the italics in the last one)

    *Passes over mug of 160-proof Brain Acid* Just in case.
    Only 160-proof? I got a whole bunch of 200-proof. And it doesn't last too long for me. That's why I got so much.
    My own webcomic. Idiosyncrasy.
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  17. - Top - End - #977
    Titan in the Playground
     
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    Default Re: Crack Pairings II - Brain Bleach not Supplied

    Quote Originally Posted by CoffeeIncluded View Post
    ...and in the second it should have been peasants to kill and villages to burn.)
    I know.


    What about you, SR? What did you think?
    Anemoia: Nostalgia for a time you've never known.

  18. - Top - End - #978
    Colossus in the Playground
     
    CoffeeIncluded's Avatar

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    Default Re: Crack Pairings II - Brain Bleach not Supplied

    Okay, could you see what you think of mine now? Please?

  19. - Top - End - #979
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    Default Re: Crack Pairings II - Brain Bleach not Supplied

    Quote Originally Posted by Lycan 01 View Post
    I know.


    What about you, SR? What did you think?
    I don't want to...
    because I'm afraid of what might get out at the moment.

    Anyways, CoffeeIncluded 300-proof brain bleach wouldn't exist. 200 proof is 100%, as in total brain bleach. I don't think you can get 150% brain bleach in a bottle.
    My own webcomic. Idiosyncrasy.
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  20. - Top - End - #980
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    RedWizardGuy

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    Default Re: Crack Pairings II - Brain Bleach not Supplied

    Quote Originally Posted by Lycan 01 View Post
    Having trouble with the HxRC fic, so lets see what sort of modifier I can roll to help me come up with ideas...

    *rolls a 15*

    WHY!?

    Hinjo x Redcloak, with high heels and black leather
    Spoiler
    Show

    Redcloak needed to see a psychiatrist. Severely. It hadn't been too bad at first. He'd been having dreams about the Order of the Stick and their allies, although they were all sitting in a tavern getting drunk and enjoying each other's company. But the dreams started to get stranger. Over time, he and the leader of Azure City, Hinjo, would sit down at a table and tell jokes and funny stories back and forth. With every dream, the story progressed. Jokes and stories turned into friendly banter. Friendly banter turned into personal discussion. Personal discussion eventually turned into an invitation upstairs into Hinjo's room. That invitation turned into something... unspeakable. The dreams got worse and worse, but Redcloak thought it was just his subconscious playing merry havok with his mind. But he finally decided he needed help when his dream self broke out the high heeled boots, black leather underwear, and a bullwhip.


    Urrrrgh... I'm okay. Lets move on to the next one...


    Crystal x The Chimera
    Spoiler
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    Somewhere in the Neutral Evil afterlife, Crystal was sitting in a tavern knocking back another tankard of beer. The Neutral Evil afterlife was okay... there were peasants to burn, villages to kill... But it got old fast. The people she wanted to kill weren't killable, and she couldn't do a thing about it. "Grrrr..." she growled, suddenly throwing her beer across the counter. "DARN YOU, HALEY, AND YOUR STUPID ORDER!!"

    "And what Order would that be?" inquired a trio of voices from nearby. Looking over, Crystal noticed a Chimera hunched over at a nearby table, casually sipping from three mugs of ale. "We couldn't help but overhear that outburst..."

    "Meh..." Crystal huffed. "I think they're called the Order of the Stick."

    "Oh..." the Chimera snarled. "Them... Yeah, they sent us here, too..."

    "Really, now?" Crystal arched an eyebrow. "How'd that come about?"

    -20 MINUTES LATER-

    "You should have seen the looks on the kids' faces when I told them I wasn't the clown!" Crystal giggled. "Oh man, birthday parties are a hoot..."

    "HAH HAH HAH HAH HAH HAH!!!" the trio of Chimeric heads laughed.

    -2 HOURS LATER-

    "Oooooh, no..." Crystal frowned indignantly, rejecting the Chimera's offer to join them in their room upstairs. "I'm not drunk enough for that..."

    -5 MINUTES LATER-

    "Okay," Cyrstal giggled, putting down her twelth jug of booze, "I'm drunk enough now..."

    -THE NEXT MORNING-

    "Sooo..." Crystal broke the awkward silence, looking over at the Chimera that she was sharing a bed with. "I don't suppose you know how you got her either, do you?"


    Eek... Well, that wasn't so bad... On to the last one...

    Belkar x Roy's Sword
    Spoiler
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    Belkar kicked Roy's skull. "Good job, idiot..." he grumbled, kicking the skull again. "Way to screw everything up..." Celia and Haley had gone ahead to check out a small hamlet they'd seen while scouting, and they'd instructed him to stay behind with Roy. And they'd also mentioned, as they left, that they'd be back sometime after dusk - several hours from now. "If you hadn't died, I'd be able to bask in the blood of my foes without getting FUBAR'ed by some old geezer's magic tricks. And I'll admit... it was fun to see you hack through folks with that big sword of yours."

    Belkar looked over at Roy's sword, which had somehow ended up lodged between Roy's ribs. Boy, had that been fun to explain to a travelling Paladin they'd happened upon... Belkar found himself staring at the blade. "You know, I wonder how many people that thing has killed over the years. How many organs it has spilled. How much blood has drizzled down... down..." Belkar suddenly felt very sick to his stomach. Had thinking about a sword really made him feel like that? He knew he was a sick person, but was he THAT sick? Still... He was curious. The sword was generations old. Generations of adventuring. Generations of hacking through tasty little chunks of XP. Generations... It had probably done more killing than he could ever dream of. He felt jealous. He also felt... odd. "No. No, no, noooo..." Belkar shook his head. "There's no way a sword is turning me on..."

    But he still couldn't stop staring at it. He found himself slowly approaching it, unaware of his actions. Slowly, he reached out a hand. For some odd reason... he wanted to touch it. He wanted his fingers to gently grace its cold steel surface. To softly carress the veteran blade. After all... what harm could come from just one touch?

    An hour later, Belkar made Mr. Scruffy swear to secrecy the sights he'd seen that day. He also began to work on a cover story for why several health potions had suddenly gone missing during the girls' absence.



    Right, so is brain bleach more effective if poured in the ears, ingested orally, or injected derectly through the base of the skull?
    My brains hurt now, I need brain bleach stat!
    I Am A: Chaotic Good Human Sorcerer (3rd Level)
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  21. - Top - End - #981
    Colossus in the Playground
     
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    Default Re: Crack Pairings II - Brain Bleach not Supplied

    Anyways, CoffeeIncluded 300-proof brain bleach wouldn't exist. 200 proof is 100%, as in total brain bleach. I don't think you can get 150% brain bleach in a bottle.
    I know that.

  22. - Top - End - #982
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    Default Re: Crack Pairings II - Brain Bleach not Supplied

    Quote Originally Posted by CoffeeIncluded View Post
    Okay, could you see what you think of mine now? Please?
    I read the Durkon x Lien one. It was very good! I thought it was funny, well-written, and nicely done... Haven't found the others yet. There are several pages I've got to look through.
    Anemoia: Nostalgia for a time you've never known.

  23. - Top - End - #983
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    Default Re: Crack Pairings II - Brain Bleach not Supplied

    I have to stop reading this topic when I have something important to do in the morning...
    someone has a 9mm?

  24. - Top - End - #984
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    Default Re: Crack Pairings II - Brain Bleach not Supplied

    Quote Originally Posted by Silverraptor View Post
    Man, I get bored during the day. Well lets see how this one goes. And just for fun, I'll continue with Kazumi and Daigo. And I think that everyone of my stories from now on should be treated as a CR 17 on sanity. And the fine print on giving consent to read this also should apply. No suing for mental damages. Sorry.

    "You have entered restircted work space! This is not a drill! Story has been proven to squick out even the most hardy of people on this thread! Even O-chul would fail his fortitude save if he read this! So if you really think that you want to look! Remember that, "YOU HAVE BEEN WARNED!!!!!"

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    "Are you sure that's what happened?"

    "According to them, it is."

    "I bet Daigo's really sweating it."

    "I'll bet. But he only got 4 more hours before the device is workable. Then I can remove the cursed belts off of them."

    "Let's just hope the baby doesn't come between that time, or Daigo's going to have a new respect for the miracle of life. And if it does come at this time, imagine the confusion on mother's day."

    "Yes, Hinjo. By the way, Kazumi informed me to bring these crates. She, or he, whatever, says that it's for Daigo's future safety."

    "Who could blame her? Just put it there. In the meantime, stay close to them. It's a highly embarrasing situation and I don't want it getting out. It would destroy this nobility I constructed, and in return, ruin me. Beside, if the baby does want to come, you'll be right there by poor Daigo's side."

    "You'd think that being a cleric, you'd be use to this stuff. But when your there for a person that was a guy and not months pregnant yesterday... I'm going to stop before I think of something I will regret...
    ...
    ..Dammit! I thought of it!"

    "Just get out of here and go to the Kato's."

    "Of course Lord Hinjo." The cleric turns and closes the door with a snap.

    Hinjo collapses into a chair and puts his face in his hands. "Oh Daigo, what in the WORLD were you thinking?" He then realizes the answer immediately. "Wasn't even doing it in the first place. Twelve gods, I can't wait for this to be over."

    His eyes slide to the crate of Kabuto's. "Well, I guess I'll keep rummaging through his things. Atleast I know not to activate any magical device of his." He gets up and rummages through the crate. "Let's see here..." Picks up a set of three books. "4.0 rules? Well I guess I could use these. They might come in handy later." Sets them down on his desks and continues to go through it. "How many of these gender-change belts does he have?! There's dozens in here!" He pushes them aside and spots a small book hidden under all the belts. He picks it up and looks at it closely.

    "Hmmm... Kabuto's diary, huh? Well, let's see what he has in here."

    He walks over to his desk, sits down, and begins to read through it.

    "So he did assassinate his child, typical... Those ninja's were his! Ha! wait until the other nobles hear about this... And he was in league with the imp. Probably should explain why the imp disappeared when he died."

    He flips through to when they went to their second ally requesting help and the first line caught his eye. "Wait, what is this?" He begins reading.

    The diary's first line was... "I realized what I've been missing, since I've been after the throne, but I will get what I want when Hinjo leaves..."

    ************************
    Lord Kabuto paces across his ship waiting. How long was it going to be before Hinjo leaves. At long last, the boats leave and set sail for land.

    'Ah! Finally! Now where is she?'

    Quickly, he spots a shark with a figure heading towards his ship. 'Excellent! Palaidn's are so gullible.'

    --------
    "Alright Kabuto I'm here! Where are you?" Calls out Lien as she climbs over the railing.

    "I'm in here!" He calls out from his private room. "Come in if you want to talk to me." Lien quickly hurries into the room. "Please shut the door, this is private." She slams the door. "Now what do I owe the pleasure?"

    "You know darn well what it is! I got your note and I came alone! Now as you say, your going to start confessing to everything you did, correct?!"

    "There's no need to shout, and yes I will. But first, sit down." Lien sits in the chair in front of him. "May I offer you some wine?" He pulls out bottle and pours 2 glasses.

    "Knowing you, it's probably tampered with, your just waiting for me to drink while you watch with your glass still full."

    "What? Of course not." He takes a long drink, nearly draining the glass. "This is my favorite wine." He refills his glass and continues to take sips.

    Seeing this, Lien cautiously reaches for her glass. She then takes a little sip, hoping the twelve gods would protect her if it was contaminated. What she tastes was the most delicious thing she could imagine. It wasn't long before she was on her third glass.

    "So..." She says, "You going to start confessing?"

    Kabuto smiles as she drinks her forth glass. "No, I'm not."

    "What?"

    "You didn't think I'd give up that easily did you?"

    "Then why'd you lure me here under..." Her body starts to shake and she starts feeling very weak. "Wh-what did you do to me?!"

    "Well, my dear. You were partially right, the drink was contaminated."

    "B-But you drank f-fr-from i-it t-too..." She had trouble moving her lips. She couldn't even stand up.

    "That's because I drank an anti-toxin a short while, not to mention I had my best cleric buff me against fortitude. However, you seem to have drunken too much of it. Your supposed to be able to talk."

    The only reply was an angry groan from Lien, who couldn't move any part of her body. She just glared at Kabuto.

    "Well, alright, since you asked so nicely. That was a special paralyzing poison I put in there. You won't be able to move for several hours."

    Another groan came from Lien.

    "Well you see my dear," he gets up. "My wife suffered a fatal illness a while ago, as you well know." He walks over to her and puts a hand on her shoulder. Lien watches him as best she could. "Now, after that, I decided to try to take over the throne more intently. But those few times with her that I had were quite enjoyable." He puts his face right next to her ear. "And I want you to help me remember those lovely times I had with my wife in bed."

    Lien's eye grew wide with fear. She was groaning loudly and started to tremble. Kabuto admired that her paladin powers was allowing her to atleast be able to shake. He then picked her up and move her over the the bed in the next room. "By the way, with some divination, I found that you aren't even a virgin. Excellent!" Lien cursed how her mother was always right about this stuff. He layed her down and started to pull up her shirt. Lien groaned even louder.

    "Now don't worry my dear. We'll do this right the first time, then we'll reverse roles. I have some fashinable belts for us to try on after this..."

    -----------------
    "Remove curse!"

    Lien's form turned back into that of a female as the belt broke off. She felt pain everywhere. Kabuto had not been gentle with her. She tried to speak, yet again, but her lips refused to move.

    "Well, that certainly brought back good memories." Said a somewhat higher pitched voice. Lien looked at the female form of Kabuto.

    "You next, sir. Remove curse!" Kabuto resumed back to his normal form.

    "Ah, excellent. Hopefully, I won't have any urges for a while. I need to assassinate Hinjo soon."

    Lien's eyes widen in surprise. Kabuto was stupid enough to say that out loud. Kabuto then seemed to realize his mistake and covered his mouth, quickly turning to Lien. She stared at him with a smug look. He couldn't imprison her because she was important to Hinjo. He'd notice if she disappeared.

    Then Kabuto lowered his hand and smiled. "Oh, why am I worried? I was going to do this any ways. You have it prepared?"

    "Yes sir. The specially researched one for you."

    "Excellent! Now cast it on her."

    Lien watched helplessly as the cleric put his hand on Lien's forehead. "Greater Sleep!" Lien's eye's instantly grew heavy, and she fell asleep in a couple seconds.

    "Alright, now we'll be safe. Modify her memory so she doesn't remember any of this. And Heal her while your at it. So that when she wakes up, she doesn't feel the pain. I want to be able to get her the same way over and over."
    **************

    Hinjo looked at the last sentence in horror. He quickly scanned through the rest of the diary. Finaly he put the diary down ontop of his desk and prayed to the twelve gods.

    Kabuto did this to her seven other times when they were at sea.




    How's that for a squicky ending. If this doesn't make you lose your breakfast, lunch and dinner from yesterday, you seriously need major medical help.



    OK now I'm worried about you...
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    Crack-Pairings, Not Dead Just Moved. Someone Hasn't Been Looking In The Right Places.


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    Quote Originally Posted by Caleniel View Post
    Taekwondodo - your nick and your avatar are terrific. I want to award you something... how about enough melons to see you through the next ice age?

  25. - Top - End - #985
    Orc in the Playground
     
    TheBibliophile's Avatar

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    Default Re: Crack Pairings II - Brain Bleach not Supplied

    Quote Originally Posted by Taekwondodo View Post



    OK now I'm worried about you...
    I think he's worried about himself...
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  26. - Top - End - #986
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    Default Re: Crack Pairings II - Brain Bleach not Supplied

    Quote Originally Posted by TheBibliophile View Post
    I think he's worried about himself...
    That I am. That's why I'm not writing any stories until I can get over this.
    My own webcomic. Idiosyncrasy.
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  27. - Top - End - #987
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    Default Re: Crack Pairings II - Brain Bleach not Supplied

    The amount of worrying I do for everyone else on this thread doesn't leave me any time to worry about myself, so I'm fine .
    This post may contain sarcasm.
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  28. - Top - End - #988
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    Default Re: Crack Pairings II - Brain Bleach not Supplied

    Quote Originally Posted by Silverraptor View Post
    That I am. That's why I'm not writing any stories until I can get over this.
    Oh come on, dude. It wasn't that bad. Some people just aren't comfortable with the topic, not the content. Its not like you graphically described Kabuto repeatedly raping Lien violently or something. The subject matter is just what bothered people so much. So its not like you're a monster or anything - you just picked the wrong plot.
    Anemoia: Nostalgia for a time you've never known.

  29. - Top - End - #989
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    Flumph

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    Default Re: Crack Pairings II - Brain Bleach not Supplied

    Okay, up to this line:

    Quote Originally Posted by Tatterdemalion View Post

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    Abut got no longer than
    "Suggestiommmfmfmmf!!!" before his mouth, and every orifice on his body, filled, and strong arms grabbed his limbs...
    I was okay. Then I read it, and felt the need for negative Ph brain bleach.

  30. - Top - End - #990
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    Default Re: Crack Pairings II - Brain Bleach not Supplied

    Quote Originally Posted by Dra-Goon View Post
    Okay, up to this line:



    I was okay. Then I read it, and felt the need for negative Ph brain bleach.
    And you didn't even read the one after that.
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